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So this happened. DNA test Update post 118


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#101 maize

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Posted 28 September 2017 - 08:22 PM

What do you mean he could be adopted? she is still related to him in a first cousin level....


If he were adopted his family tree might not be accurate (i.e. he could in fact be related to your mom's dad (unknown child of dad's aunt or uncle who was adopted out) without that being apparent from the tree)


Based on the other information you have given (relatives of dad have tested but are not showing up as matches) that seems an unlikely explanation though.

#102 Callie

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Posted 28 September 2017 - 08:36 PM

I don't think this is unusual at all. I know someone very close to me who is probably not related to her "dad." I think all the people involved know it, but none of them has ever mentioned it around me. I won't be encouraging that person to do the DNA tests. :p


I also don't think it is unusual. Both my mil & fil found out as older adults that who they thought were their fathers were not.

My dh did not know his stepfather wasn't his bio father until he was 13. It has to be more common than we think.

#103 Scarlett

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Posted 28 September 2017 - 08:40 PM

If he were adopted his family tree might not be accurate (i.e. he could in fact be related to your mom's dad (unknown child of dad's aunt or uncle who was adopted out) without that being apparent from the tree)


Based on the other information you have given (relatives of dad have tested but are not showing up as matches) that seems an unlikely explanation though.


Right. He is not the only one showing up as related, just the closest. And no 'known' relatives on paternal side are showing

At this point it is statistically impossible that her dad is her bio dad.

#104 Scarlett

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Posted 20 October 2017 - 09:02 PM

My mom called me today. She said she was so glad I was her daughter. And she was glad we have our faith and that she had been truthful to me.

Lomg story short, she connected with a half sister through the DNA Match. The half sister who is in her 80s is sure my mom is her half sister. My mom has 14 half siblings.

Unreal.

Please. Don't lie to your children.

Edited by A Red Color, 20 October 2017 - 09:03 PM.

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#105 maize

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Posted 20 October 2017 - 10:37 PM

wow, that would be a shocking discovery for sure!

So she has a name for her bio dad now?

Edited by maize, 20 October 2017 - 10:38 PM.


#106 Scarlett

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 07:39 AM

wow, that would be a shocking discovery for sure!

So she has a name for her bio dad now?

Yes. The half sister knows a lot and mom was able to piece together even more details.

Edited by A Red Color, 21 October 2017 - 08:04 AM.

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#107 reefgazer

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 09:50 AM

Nm

No he isn't in the data base, but his probable nephew is. It tells how much dna they share.

 


Edited by reefgazer, 21 October 2017 - 09:59 AM.


#108 KungFuPanda

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 10:23 AM

I think these DNA tests are 99 percent about morbid curiosity and maybe 1% about people obtaining health information that actually effects their medical treatment. Knowing you have heart disease on your father's side and being able to DO anything about it that you wouldn't do otherwise are two different things. I'm not a conscpiracy theorist about ANYTHING, but I can see health insurance companies using this information to jack up rates. My health insurance company tried to offer us free fit bits where they had access to the information so they could give us discounts. WHO is taking them up on this? Can you just imagine if a kid who deposited to a sperm bank in college ends up on the hook for child support over this one day? Laws change and information is powerful in the wrong hands. I'm starting to think that the only way you can maintain genetic privacy is to never do these commercial tests. People who won't do Facebook because they feel too publically exposed are doing these mail order genetic tests and it's turning into its own form of social media.
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#109 Scarlett

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 05:00 PM

My mom did not do it for the health info. She wanted to know.

Edited by A Red Color, 21 October 2017 - 05:54 PM.

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#110 Seasider

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 05:07 PM

My mom called me today. She said she was so glad I was her daughter. And she was glad we have our faith and that she had been truthful to me.

Lomg story short, she connected with a half sister through the DNA Match. The half sister who is in her 80s is sure my mom is her half sister. My mom has 14 half siblings.

Unreal.

Please. Don't lie to your children.


FOURTEEN?!!!

Oh my goodness. That's a baseball team and then some.
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#111 Seasider

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 05:09 PM

Yes. The half sister knows a lot and mom was able to piece together even more details.


Are those fourteen scattered, or did others grow up in a sibling group(s)?

#112 Scarlett

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 05:54 PM

I think one from a young marriage, 7 from a second marriage, then my mom, then a last marriage of 6.
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#113 Moxie

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 06:24 PM

I think these DNA tests are 99 percent about morbid curiosity and maybe 1% about people obtaining health information that actually effects their medical treatment. Knowing you have heart disease on your father's side and being able to DO anything about it that you wouldn't do otherwise are two different things. I'm not a conscpiracy theorist about ANYTHING, but I can see health insurance companies using this information to jack up rates. My health insurance company tried to offer us free fit bits where they had access to the information so they could give us discounts. WHO is taking them up on this? Can you just imagine if a kid who deposited to a sperm bank in college ends up on the hook for child support over this one day? Laws change and information is powerful in the wrong hands. I'm starting to think that the only way you can maintain genetic privacy is to never do these commercial tests. People who won't do Facebook because they feel too publically exposed are doing these mail order genetic tests and it's turning into its own form of social media.


I agree. This seems like a bad idea. I said it upthread and my mind hasn’t been changed, some secrets should stay secret. I’m not a fan of truth for the sake of it.
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#114 Scarlett

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 07:18 PM

I agree. This seems like a bad idea. I said it upthread and my mind hasn’t been changed, some secrets should stay secret. I’m not a fan of truth for the sake of it.


As I said up thread I believe the truth is always best.

Edited by A Red Color, 21 October 2017 - 07:18 PM.

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#115 StartingOver

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 08:50 PM

I agree that the truth is always best. You can not understand the need to know who your parent/parents/siblings/etc are unless you have walked in the shoes of one who doesn't know. 


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#116 Scarlett

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 08:58 PM

I agree that the truth is always best. You can not understand the need to know who your parent/parents/siblings/etc are unless you have walked in the shoes of one who doesn't know.


Absolutely. I have lived a life with awkward truths and devastating lies. The lies have always been the most painful.

Even this thing with my long dead grandmother. I question everything now. We really never knew her.

#117 StartingOver

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Posted 21 October 2017 - 09:13 PM

Absolutely. I have lived a life with awkward truths and devastating lies. The lies have always been the most painful.

Even this thing with my long dead grandmother. I question everything now. We really never knew her

 

So many lies, so many secrets. Just be honest.  I am on a search for an unnamed father, not my own but someone very close. I just found a great grandmother I had been searching for, for over 20 years, it was all through DNA. 

 

Anyone who doesn't understand why these tests would be done could visit DNA Detectives on Facebook, run by CeCe from the Long Lost Family show. You will see all sides of the issue and what DNA is bringing to it. 

 

I am thankful for my DNA health results too. It proves my suspicion about many preventative medical issues. 


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#118 Scarlett

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 03:13 PM

So the 80 something year old woman that both believe is a half sister to my mom has agreed to take the DNA test.  She isn't 'on line', so she let my mom set up the account so it can be uploaded and compared.  Another relative found via this search is paying for the test because the 80 year old woman lives on small income.  She has already sent it off.  


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#119 Scarlett

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 04:12 PM

My mom was well loved and well cared for by the man she thought was her dad...and by her extended family on that side.  In fact, she grew up in AR around her paternal family--the maternal side was all in CA.  Now suddenly everything is turned upside down.  I mean, life long cousins don't quit being cousins because of DNA but it is weird. The thing is my mom always suspected it.  And she suspects that her brother who is 18 months younger than her also is not their 'father's' child. But he refuses to take the test.



#120 Scarlett

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 04:15 PM

Oh and the half sister just found (not yet confirmed) sent my mom a picture of their dad!



#121 lauraw4321

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 04:34 PM

Did she know her bio-father at all?



#122 Sandwalker

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 04:38 PM

As I said up thread I believe the truth is always best.

Nowadays, yes, tell the truth, but back then, women felt they had to lie sometimes about paternity.
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#123 Scarlett

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 04:39 PM

Did she know her bio-father at all?

 

 

No.  Other than the bits that she is piecing together from ancestery.com and this half sister she knows nothing.  Appparently the half sister says her parents divorced around the time my mother was conceived and they lived in the same city my mother was born in.



#124 Scarlett

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Posted 20 December 2017 - 11:29 AM

The suspected half sister's test results came back. No question they are half siblings.  


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#125 OneStepAtATime

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Posted 20 December 2017 - 11:33 AM

The suspected half sister's test results came back. No question they are half siblings.  

Well at least there is now confirmation.  How is your mom handling things?


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#126 Scarlett

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Posted 20 December 2017 - 11:37 AM

Well at least there is now confirmation.  How is your mom handling things?

 

 

She was much more excited than she thought she would be.


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#127 OneStepAtATime

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Posted 20 December 2017 - 11:44 AM

She was much more excited than she thought she would be.

Hey that's great!  Will they get to visit at all?



#128 gstharr

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Posted 20 December 2017 - 05:39 PM

She found a paternal first cousin (probably first cousin but very closely related).  From the info she can find on line his father only had one brother.  So that is probably her father.  She had done a lot of digging and she thinks she has the name of her father....but no one is left alive to confirm it.  The first cousin she found won't talk to her.  

 

 

Familial DNA analysis is a developing area of police investigation.  If they don't have the suspect's identity in the dna  data bank, they search the data base  to see if someone whose dna and identity they do have is highly likely to be related to the unknown suspect. They have to cross check the life, history, and relatives of the known person to confirm the likely relationship to the unknown suspect.  Look up Los Angeles' GRIM REAPER ( Rodney Franklin ?).  The dna of  a relative, in jail, closely matched the Grim Reaper's leading to the eventual capture of this serial killer.  But the DNA test itself cannot confirm a relationship, only the high probability of it (e.g chance of paternity 99.9999) 



#129 Scarlett

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Posted 20 December 2017 - 05:45 PM

Familial DNA analysis is a developing area of police investigation.  If they don't have the suspect's identity in the dna  data bank, they search the data base  to see if someone whose dna and identity they do have is highly likely to be related to the unknown suspect. They have to cross check the life, history, and relatives of the known person to confirm the likely relationship to the unknown suspect.  Look up Los Angeles' GRIM REAPER ( Rodney Franklin ?).  The dna of  a relative, in jail, closely matched the Grim Reaper's leading to the eventual capture of this serial killer.  But the DNA test itself cannot confirm a relationship, only the high probability of it (e.g chance of paternity 99.9999) 

 

 

That is very interesting.



#130 Scarlett

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Posted 20 December 2017 - 05:46 PM

Hey that's great!  Will they get to visit at all?

 

 

I am not sure.  I don't know where she lives.  I will ask my mom.


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#131 ThisIsTheDay

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Posted 21 December 2017 - 06:52 AM

I think these DNA tests are 99 percent about morbid curiosity and maybe 1% about people obtaining health information that actually effects their medical treatment. Knowing you have heart disease on your father's side and being able to DO anything about it that you wouldn't do otherwise are two different things. I'm not a conscpiracy theorist about ANYTHING, but I can see health insurance companies using this information to jack up rates. My health insurance company tried to offer us free fit bits where they had access to the information so they could give us discounts. WHO is taking them up on this? Can you just imagine if a kid who deposited to a sperm bank in college ends up on the hook for child support over this one day? Laws change and information is powerful in the wrong hands. I'm starting to think that the only way you can maintain genetic privacy is to never do these commercial tests. People who won't do Facebook because they feel too publically exposed are doing these mail order genetic tests and it's turning into its own form of social media.

 

For a large number of people, DNA tests are about finding more information on your genealogy. I've studied my family's and my husband's family's genealogy for 20 years, and DNA evidence can confirm known/assumed history and provide new data. Just as the internet opened up research opportunities when I began, DNA evidence opens up a whole new world of information.

 

Two reasons I haven't done it yet--my family's roots are from areas that don't have the tests readily available yet, and that's where I really want to find people. Also, I haven't had time to look further into what exactly is done with your DNA after testing (privacy issues). If/when I do decide though, I want my sister to do it too to get a better idea of our ethnicity. I love that and have uncovered intriguing tidbits. It would be fun to confirm!


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#132 shawthorne44

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Posted 21 December 2017 - 09:35 AM

I'd like my husband to be tested for the ethnicity reason.   My near ancestors were peasants who didn't move around and most of them didn't immigrate to America until relatively recently and even then stayed in their country of origin communities.  But, my FIL's family has been in America for forever, so who knows what is in there?  



#133 Scarlett

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Posted 21 December 2017 - 09:45 AM

So my mom called one of her 'paternal' cousins-she-was-raised-with (so difficult to know how to define all of these people now.)

There was silence on the other end. Mom says, are you still there? Cousin says, 'yes I am just stunned'. Then as the conversation went on cousin says, 'I always thought you were cut from a different cloth'. That comment isn't translating well but she didn't mean she ever questioned my mom's parentage.....she means mom was always just the one of the siblings and cousins who was different in a lot of ways.

The details of my mom's birth and the marriage would lend people to be suspicious of who the real father might have been. To the credit of the extended paternal family whom she was raised around....no one every treated her differently.
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#134 katilac

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Posted 21 December 2017 - 10:10 PM

I agree. This seems like a bad idea. I said it upthread and my mind hasn’t been changed, some secrets should stay secret. I’m not a fan of truth for the sake of it.

  

I am the complete opposite. Secrets are toxic, and truth is like information: it wants to be free. 

 

I think these DNA tests are 99 percent about morbid curiosity 

 

You say that like it's a bad thing  :laugh:


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#135 maize

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Posted 21 December 2017 - 11:00 PM

For a large number of people, DNA tests are about finding more information on your genealogy. I've studied my family's and my husband's family's genealogy for 20 years, and DNA evidence can confirm known/assumed history and provide new data. Just as the internet opened up research opportunities when I began, DNA evidence opens up a whole new world of information.

Two reasons I haven't done it yet--my family's roots are from areas that don't have the tests readily available yet, and that's where I really want to find people. Also, I haven't had time to look further into what exactly is done with your DNA after testing (privacy issues). If/when I do decide though, I want my sister to do it too to get a better idea of our ethnicity. I love that and have uncovered intriguing tidbits. It would be fun to confirm!


If you have any older generation relatives--parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, great aunts/uncles who would be willing to test you will get better ethnicity and genealogy results.