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Haven't heard from Army son


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I am about to lose my mind. I have an older step son who has been in the army for 14 years and he said to call the red Cross and they will get in touch with his commanding officer or at least get me some information but I don't want to get him in trouble. Plus I know the red Cross has their hands full with all these disasters going on. I am just going crazy not knowing anything

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I am about to lose my mind. I have an older step son who has been in the army for 14 years and he said to call the red Cross and they will get in touch with his commanding officer or at least get me some information but I don't want to get him in trouble. Plus I know the red Cross has their hands full with all these disasters going on. I am just going crazy not knowing anything

I was thinking red cross, but wasnt sure enough to say so.

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No youngest is my step son and I would love to gome school him but his crazy mother would only do that if she could do the home schooling and make sure he only learns things the way she wnts. She pulled him from a school performance last year because they were singing God Bless the USA and she doesn't believe in God and he has no idea about God. I feel he should be introduced to everything nd let him make his own decisions but unfortunately she doesn't feel that way. It's her way or no way :(

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I am really very sorry. As a mom I cannot imagine how heart sick you must be feeling. Was your relationship with your son strong before he went into the military? Is there a reason he may be creating distance or is this completely uncharacteristic of him? Like others have said, I would contact the red cross most definitely. I hope you have answers soon.

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I am really very sorry. As a mom I cannot imagine how heart sick you must be feeling. Was your relationship with your son strong before he went into the military? Is there a reason he may be creating distance or is this completely uncharacteristic of him? Like others have said, I would contact the red cross most definitely. I hope you have answers soon.

I was thinking this too. My dh had a very strained relationship with his parents and he still kept them up to date about where he was. Where was he last you heard from him?

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As someone that was that military member ceasing family contact for a time period I would wait until your son contacts you and give him space especially if the relationship was strained. He may need some time to figure out life on his own. If something bad had happened you would have heard from his command if you are listed as his next of kin. I am sure it is very difficult not hearing from him. Perhaps you can write him a letter or send an email expressing your concern for him. I would not force contact through the Red Cross. He is an adult and should not be forced to contact anyone if he chooses not to do so.

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The Red Cross won't really force contact. They will merely inquire through command about the soldier, then report back as to his welfare.

 

Honestly though, OP, if something bad has happened to him, you'd have already been contacted.

Edited by Kinsa
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Last I heard he was in Hawaii. We had a very strong relationship before he went in and even after he went in for over a year. He would never provide an address as he doesn't like to feel he has to write letters back. Nothing happened prior to this cut off with him. My mom has facebook ed a tiny bit with him and even asked him to contact me back in May as I was preparing for surgery. It's scary not to know anything. We have bought a house and moved and he has no idea. I still keep a room for him if he ever comes home. At this point I just want to hear from my baby boy. I thought about waiting until it HD been a whole year before contacting red Cross just to give him that time..in the meantime I just miss him more than he could know and I am so ever proud of him.

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The Red Cross won't really force contact. They will merely inquire through command about the soldier, then report back as to his welfare.

 

Honestly though, OP, if something bad has happened to him, you'd have already been contacted.

Though he *may* get a chewing out from his command and be told to call his mom.

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Is he your only child? If he has siblings has he contacted them? Being that your mom has at least heard from him around May that means he didn't contact you for 5 months but was fine. Also the fact that he won't send letters with an address tells me he is using this time to get space.

 

I am sorry :( often times our kids don't get a parent's worried heart until they are parents themselves. If Red Cross says he is fine, I would just give him space. It will be painful but maybe he is working through something on his own.

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So here is the thing. I know he talks to his dad almost faily, but of course i get nothing out of him about our son. He is my only child and I just don't understand why I haven't heard from gim. A simple text to say hey would be sufficient for me at this point.

Well this changes it a bit. If he talks to his dad daily then you know something hasn't happened to him. I wouldn't contact Red Cross. Like it or not, your son is an adult and whether or not he gets that it is hurting you, he must have reasons. I am not saying his reasons are valid, just that this is clearly a decision.

 

I am truly sorry you are hurting. I am sending you a hug :(

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So here is the thing. I know he talks to his dad almost faily, but of course i get nothing out of him about our son. He is my only child and I just don't understand why I haven't heard from gim. A simple text to say hey would be sufficient for me at this point.

I agree with nixpix. This changes the scenario entirely. Leave it alone.

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That was my subtle point up above. She is a new poster to the boards. Regardless, adults aren't obligated to stay in contact with other adults, regardless of blood/birth. Usually when communication falls apart to that degree, and especially when the adult still has contact with others, I would assume that there's more to the story.

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That was my subtle point up above. She is a new poster to the boards. Regardless, adults aren't obligated to stay in contact with other adults, regardless of blood/birth. Usually when communication falls apart to that degree, and especially when the adult still has contact with others, I would assume that there's more to the story.

This.

 

He's an adult. Whether his mom likes it or not, he doesn't have to maintain contact with her.

 

While there were multiple hot-button topics mentioned in her post regarding homeschooling, OP isn't looking for homeschooling advice. Someone in a situation described in the OP would benefit from a message board regarding family dynamics or military families as opposed to the General Education section of a homeschooling board.

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An adult who has contact with other families members but has cut off contact with his mother does not have a good relationship with his mother. I think that it is telling that other family members are keeping the OP out of the loop. While I sympathize and can't imagine the pain I would feel in a similar situation, I think that the OP would benefit more from counseling to deal with any underlying issues. Hopefully that would allow for a healthy relationship in the future.

Edited by Jean in Newcastle
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If there is more to this story then I sure wish someone would tell me so I can quit trying to figure it out

 

What is trollish??

 

FYI...i do sew a therapist once a week for the last 10 years.

 

I came here looking for a possible solution and I apologize if this wasn't the place. But good grief, be respectful and polite at least. U am a mother with an only son who I have not heard from. That's all, nothing else, period

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I'm sorry you are going through this.  It would rip me apart if my kids cut contact with me.  

 

The thing is, this is an Education forum.  Your post is a little odd since it is regarding an adult son in the military who has chosen not to contact you but is in daily contact with his father.  So he is obviously physically fine.  He isn't missing.  He is just choosing not to communicate, however painful that may be.  Your post has nothing to do with education so probably people are wondering why your first post on an education board is regarding this situation, even if we all have sympathy for your situation.

 

As others have posted, your best option is probably to let things lie for now.  Give him space.  

 

You might seek out a support group specifically for this scenario, either on line or in real life.  There must be something out there.

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As a sidenote, I would not recommend that anyone who is involved in a situation similar to the one described in the OP contacts the Red Cross.

 

First, the mom in the described situation would know her son was okay because he is in contact with family members. It would only waste resources if the Red Cross was involved.

 

Secondly, as others have mentioned, it could have effect him negatively if his superiors chew him out.

 

Lastly, even if he doesn't get in trouble with his commanding officer, he would have every reason to be angry for a further attempt at communication and a disrespecting of b his boundaries. Forcing contact in a situation such as the one described would do nothing but drive a wedge further in the relationship.

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As a sidenote, I would not recommend that anyone who is involved in a situation similar to the one described in the OP contacts the Red Cross.

 

First, the mom in the described situation would know her son was okay because he is in contact with family members. It would only waste resources if the Red Cross was involved.

 

Secondly, as others have mentioned, it could have effect him negatively if his superiors chew him out.

 

Lastly, even if he doesn't get in trouble with his commanding officer, he would have every reason to be angry for a further attempt at communication and a disrespecting of b his boundaries. Forcing contact in a situation such as the one described would do nothing but drive a wedge further in the relationship.

She didn't originally say she knew he was fine and in contact with others. At first it sounded like a desperate mother who had not heard anything about her son in almost a year. When she did reveal that we did say not to contact Red Cross.

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The Red Cross won't really force contact. They will merely inquire through command about the soldier, then report back as to his welfare.

 

Honestly though, OP, if something bad has happened to him, you'd have already been contacted.

My husband was called into his executive officer's stateroom and told to call his mother. E4s don't usually defy orders from an O5.

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  • 3 weeks later...

This is very true.

He *can* fill out paperwork to the contrary. My dh did this when we went overseas because his parents were rather....overbearing. His dad shipped stuff to a base we were at and then just showed up one day, planning to move in!?!??!! His mom was INSISTENT that she was coming for his R&R during deployment, even though dh had repeatedly told her no. These were only two events that occurred. Dh filled out some paperwork through JAG that prevented the Army from contacting his parents in the event of anything dire.

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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