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Well, this is frightening...


Noreen Claire
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I let my 8yr old walk to the ice cream shop by himself.

 

I followed him to make sure he crossed the streets okay. It's 2 streets, only .3 miles. I went back up into the house to grab my water bottle and am now having a panic attack at the bottom of my street waiting. I can see the entrance to the parking lot from here, but not him.

 

Gah. I could just vomit.

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I think paying for the person behind you is becoming a thing. I see it pretty often in places like Starbucks.

 

Since it is common I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that there is anything creepy the way I might have 10 years ago.

 

Congratulations! That's a big accomplishment for an eight year old.

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I think paying for the person behind you is becoming a thing. I see it pretty often in places like Starbucks.

 

Since it is common I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that there is anything creepy the way I might have 10 years ago.

 

Congratulations! That's a big accomplishment for an eight year old.

Turns out, the man was there with his kids. I feel better about that. Of course, DS ordered a LARGE, which is pretty expensive!

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I fall somewhere in the middle. NYC subway would make me nervous even with an 18yo but I do allow my 14yos to bike freely around the city as long as I have a time that I know that they'll be back by (aka. the magic time that I'm allowed to start getting anxious at). They've been doing this for a couple of years now. We recently sent them on the rapid transit together for a special errand. What still makes me nervous though is letting my 14yo dd go out alone, especially after dark. It's not that I don't trust her, it's that I don't trust men.

 

I think that those pre-teen years are really the best time to start letting the leash out. It's so helpful for me to think about how dc this age have held responsibility in different times and places. Some 14yos get married! It works our for them. Maybe it's not ideal but it works, probably because they had to take responsibility really young. I think that it's our society that is strange (that said, I'm not match-making for my 2 14yos any time soon).

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The only place the kids can go from my house is out to our mailboxes, which ds has started doing to meet the kids coming off the school bus every day.  But, I'm going to be teaching science classes in a nearby town that has a nice Main Street area with lots of shops and restaurants.   There's a pizzeria, a Dominos pizza, and a Deli/convenience store within a block of where I'll be teaching, where he'd have to cross just one side street.  I'll probably let the kids walk to any of those three places.  I'm not sure I'll let them cross the main street.  It's hilly, narrow and there's always a ton of cars parked on both sides so it can be dangerous.  The nearest crosswalk is farther than the pizza places and deli.

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The first time I let ds10 go to the shop himself at 9 (I was really sick) he went to the shop 20 mins away instead of 5 and got hit by a car ( not hurt I think it was almost stationary and he hit it). He is now 10.5 and I might let him try again soon.

Gah! That would be terrifying! So glad he is ok! My DH got hit by a car twice as a teen. Once at 16yo while walking and once at 18yo while out for a run. It wasn't for lack of practice either because his parents let him bus and walk a town over for karate when he was 8yo. Just really bad luck :(

 

 

 

 

I was fairly helicopter esque with my oldest so knowing what I know now about autonomy and confidence I try harder to provide opportunities. Our charter co-op is set up like a community college with multiple buildings and I let me kids walk to and from their classes on their own. Well...I let my neurotypical 7 and 6 year old. My little dude on the spectrum I have walked to class. Last week when his twin hurt his foot and couldn't walk well he asked to go to piano lessons alone. I put his books in his hands and crossed my fingers. He made it to the building and labyrinthed his way to the music room on time and then walked back after. It was awesome and he was ridiculously proud. :)

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I texted my best friend while I was following/waiting for DS to get back. Her youngest are 10 & 7. She said that she had recently received a robocall from her town that someone driving a white van had attempted to abduct a 12 yr old girl. She isn't going to let them go outside of her sight ever. She thought I was nuts.

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Even though I lean free range, I've still had that worry the first couple times when I had no way to know for sure where they were.  But they were always fine.  :)

 

As far as the white van stories - why is it almost always a white van?  Most of these reported "attempts" are without any evidence, and many are proven false, so I ignore them.

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NYC subway would make me nervous even with an 18yo but I do allow my 14yos to bike freely around the city as long as I have a time that I know that they'll be back by

 

If you lived in NYC, you'd feel differently - by 7th grade, there's no school bus service, so the subway is swamped with kids all week long. I prefer the train to the bus, actually. Harder to get lost - you don't need to ask the driver to announce your stop, you just look at the sign in the station. My girls have been making solo train trips since they were 10 or 11, but they weren't on the bus anywhere other than to the ferry and back again until a year or two later!

 

(And then the very first thing the younger kiddo did with her bus freedom is take an impromptu solo trip to the beach with her best friend. Without telling us, because if they had told us, it wouldn't be "an adventure". More like, if they had told us, we would've said no solo beach trips! Every gray hair, it's from that kid, except all the ones from her sister!)

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The first time I had dh drop dd off at the university where she dual enrolled, she was 16. I explained how to get there and pull into the parking lot, and he says, "And what? I just drop her off there? At college? By herself??" 

 

It's hard. Maybe slightly harder for homeschool moms and dads.

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Even though I lean free range, I've still had that worry the first couple times when I had no way to know for sure where they were. But they were always fine. :)

 

As far as the white van stories - why is it almost always a white van? Most of these reported "attempts" are without any evidence, and many are proven false, so I ignore them.

It is always a white van, you are so right. Although, it has been hard for me to let go and breathe since my friend and I were almost abducted as kids, we ran down a hill behind the park with enough comprehension to know we were in danger. That car/man did abduct someone in our town shortly there after but he had made a few attempts prior. Then my friends sister was snatched out of her yard and luckily somebody saw and stopped the attempt. Lastly, the elementary school lost my oldest son when he was in kindergarten and we couldn't find him for a couple of hours. I think those 3 events shaped my neurotic mindset as a paranoid mom for a long time along with some violent gang interactions as a teen. The world felt very unsafe to me for most of my life. When I let my kids do things, it is with deep, personal discomfort but I know it is right and I fight irrational fears and anxiety constantly. I still think moms that give their kids space are doing something that contributes to good mental health so I try :)

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The first time I had dh drop dd off at the university where she dual enrolled, she was 16. I explained how to get there and pull into the parking lot, and he says, "And what? I just drop her off there? At college? By herself??"

 

It's hard. Maybe slightly harder for homeschool moms and dads.

😂😂😂

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The only place the kids can go from my house is out to our mailboxes, which ds has started doing to meet the kids coming off the school bus every day.  But, I'm going to be teaching science classes in a nearby town that has a nice Main Street area with lots of shops and restaurants.   There's a pizzeria, a Dominos pizza, and a Deli/convenience store within a block of where I'll be teaching, where he'd have to cross just one side street.  I'll probably let the kids walk to any of those three places.  I'm not sure I'll let them cross the main street.  It's hilly, narrow and there's always a ton of cars parked on both sides so it can be dangerous.  The nearest crosswalk is farther than the pizza places and deli.

 

I saw this, and looked to see how old your kids are, and thought "I don't usually judge people for helicoptering, but if she's got a 23 year old college graduate who isn't allowed further than the mailbox, I'm gonna judge."  Then I read further and realized you had 2 kids on the next line, and that this statement was probably not about your oldest.

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I saw this, and looked to see how old your kids are, and thought "I don't usually judge people for helicoptering, but if she's got a 23 year old college graduate who isn't allowed further than the mailbox, I'm gonna judge."  Then I read further and realized you had 2 kids on the next line, and that this statement was probably not about your oldest.

 

LOL.   :laugh:

 

When I refer to "the kids", I'm usually talking about just my younger two.   My oldest has gone into NYC by herself starting at 16 years old, on the train then taking a cab to a show.  Her university was right across the river from NYC so it was a frequent trip.

 

Our mailbox is about 1/4 mile away at the entrance to our neighborhood.  Unfortunately the streets outside the neighborhood is very busy, lots of cars and cyclists, no shoulder, no sidewalk, very hilly and winding.  I would not feel safe walking along that street.  Definitely not letting my completely oblivious to everything that is going on around him kid give it a try.

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