Daycare-update

[Elizabeth86]

My nephew is in daycare and I have a curious question. Is it common for a toddler to get suspended for bad behavior? I just dont see how this helps the child learn to behave properly. It seems like it punishes the parents. Is this how daycare handles behavior problems usually?

Edited September 27, 2017 by Elizabeth86

[EmseB]

Depending on the behavior it is a liability issue for the daycare.  So things like biting, hitting, kicking that happens repeatedly will mean the child can't come back.  If another child gets injured because of repeat behavior, then the daycare provider can be held liable.

[City Mouse]

Sometime it is how things are handled, but "bad behavior" is not very specific. Repeated instances of biting or injuring other often does result in the child having to leave the facility. Most day care centers are not set up to handle severe behavior issues.

Edited September 23, 2017 by City Mouse

[Elizabeth86]

Depending on the behavior it is a liability issue for the daycare. So things like biting, hitting, kicking that happens repeatedly will mean the child can't come back. If another child gets injured because of repeat behavior, then the daycare provider can be held liable.

It is for biting and I do see the daycare side of it. I would be upset if my kid was bit by other kids. I just cannot imagine anyone expecting a week off to change his behavior. I see not allowing the kid back anymore.

 

Any tips on teaching a 2 year old not to bite others?

Edited September 22, 2017 by Elizabeth86

[bettyandbob]

Back when my kids were little many of the daycares had "no biting" policies. Kids would have three chances and be kicked out.

 

I agree these policies for some behaviors have liability issues around them .

[SKL]

Biting is a tough issue.  I feel for the child's mom.  Hopefully his biting phase passes quickly.

[Elizabeth86]

Biting is a tough issue. I feel for the child's mom. Hopefully his biting phase passes quickly.

Yes I do too. She has a lot on her plate. I was hoping for some advice. Someone told her to put hot sauce on his mouth when he bites and well...I dont think she will, but I think that is horrible.

[mytwomonkeys]

If the child is hurting other children, yes it’s common.

 

Hot sauce is a horrible idea. What terrible advice she was given!

[jewellsmommy]

Is the underlying issue frustration (lack of ability to communicate)? Mom needs to get as much info as possible. Is it always the same kid or different children that he is biting? Is it at a similar time of day, as in close to nap time each time?

 

There are several reasons that the child may be resorting to biting. Understanding the specifics will get you closer to solving the problem. 

 

I, personally, am STRONGLY against the hot sauce idea!

 

[SKL]

Yes I do too. She has a lot on her plate. I was hoping for some advice. Someone told her to put hot sauce on his mouth when he bites and well...I dont think she will, but I think that is horrible.

 

I know that is acceptable in some cultures, but I think that nowadays it would get her in trouble with the law.  I would advise her not to use that or any other unusual punishments.

 

I think if you post a thread about how to stop the biting, you will get lots of advice.  It is a very common problem, but unfortunately one that can be very difficult to fix. 

 

[Elizabeth86]

Is the underlying issue frustration (lack of ability to communicate)? Mom needs to get as much info as possible. Is it always the same kid or different children that he is biting? Is it at a similar time of day, as in close to nap time each time?

 

There are several reasons that the child may be resorting to biting. Understanding the specifics will get you closer to solving the problem.

 

I, personally, am STRONGLY against the hot sauce idea!

Idk his brother got bit at daycare and then started biting, so I think he got it from him.

[jewellsmommy]

While the child is on this suspension, mom needs someone who can approximate the daycare schedule as close as possible and interact with the child to see what is going on. He may need more frequent snacks or different snacks to eliminate blood sugar highs and lows. He may need more quiet time than others? 

 

He may need assistance when communicating with other children. If someone can see his triggers, then you can address them. Mom will also be able to tell a daycare worker what to look for and when to intervene. If they are a good daycare, they will work with her when he returns.

[jewellsmommy]

Idk his brother got bit at daycare and then started biting, so I think he got it from him.

 

If he saw that biting got a certain response that he finds desirable, then he may just be trying this out. Consistent responses without a lot of exaggerated attention may help. If this is coming from a "copy" of other behavior then it may be easier to get him past it with consistent responses of NO and time out.

 

Is he just walking up and biting people or is it during conflict over a toy?  

 

 

 

ETA: I never dealt with biting at home, but I taught 4yr olds at a pre-school center, and I've worked with 2/3 yr olds on the daycare side too. I've seen a lot of biters for various reasons.

Edited September 22, 2017 by jewellsmommy

[Elizabeth86]

While the child is on this suspension, mom needs someone who can approximate the daycare schedule as close as possible and interact with the child to see what is going on. He may need more frequent snacks or different snacks to eliminate blood sugar highs and lows. He may need more quiet time than others?

 

He may need assistance when communicating with other children. If someone can see his triggers, then you can address them. Mom will also be able to tell a daycare worker what to look for and when to intervene. If they are a good daycare, they will work with her when he returns.

Yeah she is doing good to find someone to watch him. He will be with 3 different people for the week.

[Elizabeth86]

If he saw that biting got a certain response that he finds desirable, then he may just be trying this out. Consistent responses without a lot of exaggerated attention may help. If this is coming from a "copy" of other behavior then it may be easier to get him past it with consistent responses of NO and time out.

 

Is he just walking up and biting people or is it during conflict over a toy?

 

 

 

ETA: I never dealt with biting at home, but I taught 4yr olds at a pre-school center, and I've worked with 2/3 yr olds on the daycare side too. I've seen a lot of biters for various reasons.

I am not sure, I dont know many details.

[Bluegoat]

Common but stupid, IMO.

 

It isn't going to help the issue to be suspended.

 

It drives me a little wild that it's so unacceptable - to me it's like saying it.s unacceptable not to be potty trained at 2.  It's totally developmentally normal, so a daycare needs to be able to deal with it.

[catz]

Some kids that have ongoing issues like this may need to be evaluated for sensory issues, speech delay, etc and I can see both the liability side of it and that drawing attention to a behavioral issue can cause a step back.  It isn't developmentally inappropriate, but biting other children in particular can also be a hygiene issue.  I also think not every group daycare situation will be a good fit for every child's needs and personality either.  Maybe this isn't a good fit.  Many 2 year olds are not social creatures.

 

It does stink that many parents really NEED to work and daycare costs can be exorbitant.  I hope they can work something out. 

Edited September 22, 2017 by WoolySocks

[mytwomonkeys]

Common but stupid, IMO.

 

It isn't going to help the issue to be suspended.

 

It drives me a little wild that it's so unacceptable - to me it's like saying it.s unacceptable not to be potty trained at 2. It's totally developmentally normal, so a daycare needs to be able to deal with it.

I don’t know, I kind of disagree. My toddler (hypothetical) isn’t affected by another toddler being potty trained. Biting usually doesn’t result in suspension for first or second time offenders. It happens when it’s reoccurring and can’t be corrected or controlled by the teacher. Not to mention it often breaks the skin or leaves a bruise (and hurts and is scary for the recipient). I get that it’s developmentally appropriate but it’s not okay. The facility has to have safeguards in place not only for themselves but for the other children entrusted to them. The daycare has a specific child/adult ratio so it makes constant one on one supervision nearly impossible. My son slapped other kids when he was around one or two. It was really exhausting for me. He outgrew it of course - but he would have been difficult to care for in a daycare setting. He needed constant shadowing. Edited September 22, 2017 by mytwomonkeys

[Bluegoat]

I don’t know, I kind of disagree. My toddler (hypothetical) isn’t affected by another toddler being potty trained. Biting usually doesn’t result in suspension for first or second time offenders. It happens when it’s reoccurring and can’t be corrected or controlled by the teacher. Not to mention it often breaks the skin or leaves a bruise (and hurts and is scary for the recipient). I get that it’s developmentally appropriate but it’s not okay. The facility has to have safeguards in place not only for themselves but for the other children entrusted to them. The daycare has a specific child/adult ratio so it makes constant one on one supervision nearly impossible. My son slapped other kids when he was around one or two. It was really exhausting for me. He outgrew it of course - but he would have been difficult to care for in a daycare setting. He needed constant shadowing.

 

But it's childcare.

 

If it's developmentally normal - you have expect it to happen.  If you have a room full of toddlers, some will bite, and some will get bit.

 

A way beyond normal child is one thing.  A normal one who is a biter - raising kids means dealing with and teaching appropriate behaviour - they do not come civilized.  A child care facility is in the business of teaching appropriate behaviour.  You have to share, you have to use an indoor voice, you can't hit or bite.

 

To me it shows a problem with the model.  Daycare is essential in a society where a lot of parents have to work - it has to be set up so that they can deal with normal kid behaviours - if they are sending home kids doing normal things, how is that going to work?

 

Even with potty training - they have enough teachers for the ages involved that they can change diapers, or help kids to the toilet, and still have enough supervision of the others.  They have to set things up to take account of those needs.

 

It seems to me to make as much sense to say "if you aren't willing to put up with the fact that your child is in group care and will be slapped or bit by another kid, find other arrangements, because we aren't going to do anything about it."

 

THat's just child warehousing, not childcare.

[Carol in Cal.]

But biting is the one thing that kids can do that really injures another child, and the other kids have a right to be safe from that.

[EmseB]

But it's childcare.

 

If it's developmentally normal - you have expect it to happen.  If you have a room full of toddlers, some will bite, and some will get bit.

 

A way beyond normal child is one thing.  A normal one who is a biter - raising kids means dealing with and teaching appropriate behaviour - they do not come civilized.  A child care facility is in the business of teaching appropriate behaviour.  You have to share, you have to use an indoor voice, you can't hit or bite.

 

Except we have a culture of liability in the US where if it happens more than once and there is a serious injury the provider could be sued. We can argue about the appropriateness of lawsuits, but people do send their kids to daycare with a certain assumption of safety being provided.

 

And biting is usually singled out as something that will get a kid kicked out because of the nature of the injury, regardless of how normal or not the behavior is. Also, biters can be very sneaky and you don't know something's happened until the other kid is wailing and bleeding. There are limits to what a group childcare setting can provide in terms of protection, discipline, etc. Biting is one of those cases, IMO.

[Catwoman]

But it's childcare.

 

If it's developmentally normal - you have expect it to happen. If you have a room full of toddlers, some will bite, and some will get bit.

 

A way beyond normal child is one thing. A normal one who is a biter - raising kids means dealing with and teaching appropriate behaviour - they do not come civilized. A child care facility is in the business of teaching appropriate behaviour. You have to share, you have to use an indoor voice, you can't hit or bite.

 

To me it shows a problem with the model. Daycare is essential in a society where a lot of parents have to work - it has to be set up so that they can deal with normal kid behaviours - if they are sending home kids doing normal things, how is that going to work?

 

Even with potty training - they have enough teachers for the ages involved that they can change diapers, or help kids to the toilet, and still have enough supervision of the others. They have to set things up to take account of those needs.

 

It seems to me to make as much sense to say "if you aren't willing to put up with the fact that your child is in group care and will be slapped or bit by another kid, find other arrangements, because we aren't going to do anything about it."

 

THat's just child warehousing, not childcare.

But would you be okay with dropping your child off at daycare every morning, knowing he would be slapped or bitten by the other children? I certainly wouldn't. I would expect the daycare center to keep my child safe from those kinds of physical assaults. Obviously, incidents can happen suddenly and without warning, and even the most diligent daycare employees can't prevent every single thing, but if a child has a known history of biting and/or hitting other children and isn't responding to their direction, it makes sense to me that they wouldn't want that child at their daycare center any more.

Edited September 22, 2017 by Catwoman

[mytwomonkeys]

But it's childcare.

 

If it's developmentally normal - you have expect it to happen. If you have a room full of toddlers, some will bite, and some will get bit.

 

A way beyond normal child is one thing. A normal one who is a biter - raising kids means dealing with and teaching appropriate behaviour - they do not come civilized. A child care facility is in the business of teaching appropriate behaviour. You have to share, you have to use an indoor voice, you can't hit or bite.

 

To me it shows a problem with the model. Daycare is essential in a society where a lot of parents have to work - it has to be set up so that they can deal with normal kid behaviours - if they are sending home kids doing normal things, how is that going to work?

 

Even with potty training - they have enough teachers for the ages involved that they can change diapers, or help kids to the toilet, and still have enough supervision of the others. They have to set things up to take account of those needs.

 

It seems to me to make as much sense to say "if you aren't willing to put up with the fact that your child is in group care and will be slapped or bit by another kid, find other arrangements, because we aren't going to do anything about it."

 

THat's just child warehousing, not childcare.

I do understand what your saying. I just think biting and hitting can be redirected easily with most toddlers (and some don’t hit or bite at all). But I f you have a repeat offender that can’t be redirected or controlled in a classroom of 12 or so toddlers, it makes more sense imo to tell the parents of one to find other arrangements, rather than tell the parents of the other 11 to deal with it or leave.

 

And I agree smaller classes, better training, etc. would be ideal of course.

 

Anyway, OP, I do NOT think the behavior should be handled harshly with your nephew. I’m certain he will outgrow it. My thoughts aren’t to be unkind about your nephew. Lord knows I’ve been there when my son was little. Im glad your sister has figured out childcare in the meantime.

[SKL]

I agree that despite being developmentally expected behavior for some children, it should not be tolerated beyond a point.  I would assume the daycare made multiple attempts to stop the behavior.  They can't be expected to do this indefinitely.

 

Every single time a child hurts another child (and also any time a child hurts himself), the daycare has to not only deal with each child involved, but also write up a detailed report on the incident and explain it to the parents.

 

And you know that at some point, the parents are going to say, "why are you still allowing this known habitual biter around my child?"

 

My other concern is that the biting could be copied by the other children.

 

Parents need to have alternative daycare plans for times when their kid can't go to school for whatever reason.

[nixpix5]

Things have really changed in childcare if a toddler is kicked out for biting. That is a bit brutal considering it is developmentally normal for some kids to bite and it often stems from frustration and/or a learned behavior from other children. It can also be retrained in the moment by daycare providers by saying "no thank you we don't bite our friends." And replace with teaching signs if the child is non verbal or struggling with speech.

 

My mom ran a daycare in our home when I was growing up and it was so common. I was bit many times by toddlers. She guided and helped them. My two oldest went to daycare and again, it wasn't something to get kicked out for. Providers who weren't worried about lawsuits back then used common sense and guidance to train the child.

 

I am really glad I don't have young kids now in childcare. That sounds really frustrating.

[lauraw4321]

Biting is the only toddler behavior that I know of that results in suspension. And that's usually after a lot of other interventions, including having a one-on-one support person. I don't know any other reason, and would be upset if there were some other reason besides biting.

[Bluegoat]

Yeah, I am not sure I think it is possible to have a childcare setting with 12  kids where you can expect your kid may not get bitten and be subject to other toddler behaviours.  If that was my expectation I'd be looking for a small private situation.

 

TBH, I think 12 is too large a group at that age and that may be part of the problem.

 

I do remember there being biting kids in daycare, and being bitten myself, when I used to go to summer care as an elementary school kid.  People didn't seem to get that upset - they responded appropriately and eventually I assume the kids grew out of it or got tired of being in trouble.  It was treated like any other negative behaviour.  My mom certainly didn't seem put out that I came home with bite marks, though she scolded me the day I hit the kid that did it.

[regentrude]

nm 

 

Edited September 22, 2017 by regentrude

[EmseB]

It isn't possible to avoid toddler behaviors in a toddler daycare.

 

However, if one child is repeatedly biting other kids and the workers cannot stop it from happening and the parents can't stop it from happening via home training, then it's not unfair or unjust to not allow the kid to bite others.  Even with a low student teacher ratio, a parent putting their kid in daycare is not paying for one on one assistance for their kid. A daycare is not setup to give that kind of instruction. So, asking the kid to leave because they can't not bite other kids in the given parameters of the center isn't beyond the pale.  Just because something is developmentally appropriate doesn't mean other kids have to get bitten in the name of developmentally appropriate. I think a three strikes rule for biting is probably a good way to go. 

 

If I were the kid getting bitten I'd really appreciate that people did something on my behalf to prevent it from happening again.

 

[Reefgazer]

My kids went to daycare from infancy to Kindergarten, and in all that time I saw only one child ejected for bad behavior.  That suspension was long past due; the kid had bullied, threatened, and physically harmed other kids by the time the suspension was implemented.  The suspension isn't for the benefit of the troubled child; it's for the benefit of the rest of the kids in the class because the majority have the right to  be cared for and educated in a safe and pleasant setting.

Edited September 22, 2017 by reefgazer

[BarbecueMom]

My brother was suspended from one of those chain daycares at age 3, for vomiting a green bean that he had been refusing to eat. That particular facility was not interested in child development at all. They were, essentially, one of those warehouses. Their goal was to literally watch your kid, and you had to pick them up if they required any kind of special attention. And no refunds, of course.

 

He's very calm and laid back, definitely not a biter, but an extremely picky eater. The daycare was not willing to work with him at all. He was to eat every bit of what he was served, immediately, or he was not allowed to come back.

 

He did fine at preschool and with in-home sitters.

 

Using punitive words like "suspension" with 2yos irks me. You don't break down toddlers like military recruits until they become uniformly obedient.

[Reefgazer]

It's not the same at all - not being potty trained doesn't leave physical wounds on another child.

 

It's also not that common, either, even though I know it occurs occasionally in that age group.  My kids nor most other kids in their daycare class ever bit, although at 2 months old, my DD was the recipient of a bite on the nose.  In fact, I can't remember my kids ever biting another child intentionally.  It's a behavioral issue that needs to be solved at home before the child should be allowed back.

Common but stupid, IMO.

 

It isn't going to help the issue to be suspended.

 

It drives me a little wild that it's so unacceptable - to me it's like saying it.s unacceptable not to be potty trained at 2.  It's totally developmentally normal, so a daycare needs to be able to deal with it.

 

Edited September 22, 2017 by reefgazer

[gardenmom5]

why would you say returning a misbehaving child to their parent is punishing the parent?  

 

I have cared for other people's children.

I have been on aspie boards where the subject of: prior to diagnoses - aspies/add kids would get "suspended" from daycare.

yes - it happens.

 

I have also helped in the nursery at church (for 18mos to 3yo).  if a child is having too hard of a time that it affects other kids, they get taken back to their parents. (they also get taken to them for diaper changes). it's not "punishing" the parent - it's giving them the opportunity to meeting their responsibility to their child.

 

the parents need to be proactive for whatever it is the child needs.  could be more sleep, could be a diet change, could be more parent time/snuggle.  whatever.

the daycare workers have other children to care for and if they have to constantly chase after a child who is struggling to follow the rules - they have more difficulty meeting the needs of those other children who are following the rules (within reason).  if they are not meeting the needs of those children - their parents will withdraw them and find a new daycare.  so the first one will start losing money because they are spending their time on one child who is struggling to meet a standard.

 

 

I have a child who was bit - by one particular kid.  I was there and saw it.  he was minding his own business sitting in one place, and she would come right up to him and bit him. (the biter would be returned to her mother.)  it was traumatizing to him when he was already have a rough time even being there.  if that had been a daycare, i'd want the kid out until it stopped or I would be taking my child and my money somewhere else.  I don't care if it's developmentally "normal" or not.

 

eta: i helped out in the nursery for years with an average of a dozen kids between 18mos and 3ish - and I only ever remember the one biter.  and she would bite unprovoked.

Edited September 22, 2017 by gardenmom5

[gardenmom5]

about the hot sauce thing.

when I was a kid, you could buy a hot pepper paint to stop thumb sucking. it was used on me multiple times. . . believe me, the (ineffective) "cure" was worse than the problem.

so not only is it cruel - it doesn't work.

[Elizabeth86]

why would you say returning a misbehaving child to their parent is punishing the parent?

 

I have cared for other people's children.

I have been on aspie boards where the subject of: prior to diagnoses - aspies/add kids would get "suspended" from daycare.

yes - it happens.

 

I have also helped in the nursery at church (for 18mos to 3yo). if a child is having too hard of a time that it affects other kids, they get taken back to their parents. (they also get taken to them for diaper changes). it's not "punishing" the parent - it's giving them the opportunity to meeting their responsibility to their child.

 

the parents need to be proactive for whatever it is the child needs. could be more sleep, could be a diet change, could be more parent time/snuggle. whatever.

the daycare workers have other children to care for and if they have to constantly chase after a child who is struggling to follow the rules - they have more difficulty meeting the needs of those other children who are following the rules (within reason). if they are not meeting the needs of those children - their parents will withdraw them and find a new daycare. so the first one will start losing money because they are spending their time on one child who is struggling to meet a standard.

 

 

I have a child who was bit - by one particular kid. I was there and saw it. he was minding his own business sitting in one place, and she would come right up to him and bit him. (the biter would be returned to her mother.) it was traumatizing to him when he was already have a rough time even being there. if that had been a daycare, i'd want the kid out until it stopped or I would be taking my child and my money somewhere else. I don't care if it's developmentally "normal" or not.

 

eta: i helped out in the nursery for years with an average of a dozen kids between 18mos and 3ish - and I only ever remember the one biter. and she would bite unprovoked.

I would say it is a punishment because the single mom is almost out of childcare options and may have to quit college and work if he gets kicked out of daycare. Edited September 22, 2017 by Elizabeth86

[Catwoman]

I would say it is a punishment because the single mom is almost out of childcare options and may have to quit college and work if he gets kicked out of daycare.

I'm sorry to hear about her personal situation, but she needs to take responsibility for her own child's behavior and work closely with him to resolve the biting issue. I don't think it's fair of her to expect that the daycare will handle this for her, or that the other children at daycare should have to endure being bitten by her son.

[SKL]

I would say it is a punishment because the single mom is almost out of childcare options and may have to quit college and work if he gets kicked out of daycare.

 

Sorry she is in such a predicament.  Hopefully she is able to call some favors until this issue gets resolved.  Being a single mom can be rough at times.

 

By any chance are you near enough to care for him temporarily?

[Elizabeth86]

I'm sorry to hear about her personal situation, but she needs to take responsibility for her own child's behavior and work closely with him to resolve the biting issue. I don't think it's fair of her to expect that the daycare will handle this for her, or that the other children at daycare should have to endure being bitten by her son.

I agree. I never once said I think the daycare needs to resolve it or that other kids should have to suffer I just was curious if this was the norm everywhere and ideas to help her. I am not saying he should be allowed to remain at daycare, I just thought a suspension was odd for a toddler. I was thinking something like 3 strikes your out would make more sense. Im just not sure whats supposed to change in this week off.

[Guest]

That's common for biting.

[Elizabeth86]

Sorry she is in such a predicament. Hopefully she is able to call some favors until this issue gets resolved. Being a single mom can be rough at times.

 

By any chance are you near enough to care for him temporarily?

I am close enough, but Im miserable pregnant right now and day to day is a real struggle with my 3. She has people for this week, but no one that can commit long term if he gets kicked out. This was the only daycare she could get him in to continue with school for this year.

[bookbard]

One study showed that half of all toddlers were bitten at daycare (American Psychological Association). That says it's pretty common. 

 

You can't reason or punish a toddler out of biting. What you need to do is ensure someone is there to prevent it. If the staff numbers are too low, that will be hard. If the daycare is sending a 2 year old home because they can't deal with it, if it possible, look for another daycare. If not, just instruct them to a) see if it's the same kid he's biting and ensure they are never together and b) if it's in a certain place (eg always in the block corner) ensure he's well supervised there.

 

The daycare should be the one solving the problem, as it's going to be daycare specific - a place, a person, a scenario. It's a bit rich to ask mum to solve it when she isn't there!

[gardenmom5]

 

 

 

I would say it is a punishment because the single mom is almost out of childcare options and may have to quit college and work if he gets kicked out of daycare.

 

they are NOT singling her out. they are dealing with her child's behavior which is causing problems for the workers and other children.  they are being proactive in protecting them.  this is not about punishment, and your niece is not a victim here.  reinforcing the idea she is - is a tremendous disservice to her as an adult, and her child. 

 

it's hard being a single mom.  I get it, my father died when I was 12, and my siblings caused a lot of problems my mother didn't have the resources to handle - but they were not "punishment".  they were life.

 

eta: do you know for a fact, that he has only bitten once?  is it possible this has happened before?

 

 

I'm sorry to hear about her personal situation, but she needs to take responsibility for her own child's behavior and work closely with him to resolve the biting issue. I don't think it's fair of her to expect that the daycare will handle this for her, or that the other children at daycare should have to endure being bitten by her son.

 

this.

 

the daycare has other children for whom they are also responsible - and if that means suspending a biter to prevent other children from being bitten, they suspend a biter.

Edited September 22, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Elizabeth86]

they are NOT singling her out. they are dealing with her child's behavior which is causing problems for the workers and other children. they are being proactive in protecting them. this is not about punishment, and your niece is not a victim here. reinforcing the idea she is - is a tremendous disservice to her as an adult, and her child.

 

it's hard being a single mom. I get it, my father died when I was 12, and my siblings caused a lot of problems my mother didn't have the resources to handle - but they were not "punishment". they were life.

 

 

this.

 

the daycare has other children for whom they are also responsible - and if that means suspending a biter to prevent other children from being bitten, they suspend a biter.

OK what I mean is this week off doesnt teach the baby anything. I know they arent singling her out. Im not taking up for her. He shoukd not be allowed to bite. Trust me Id be pissed if my kid got bit over and over. Im just saying the week off is silly and will change nothing. Did I make myself clear? I agree biters should be kicked out. I do not understand what a week off will accomplish. Edited September 22, 2017 by Elizabeth86

[Catwoman]

OK what I mean is this week off doesnt teach the baby anything. I know they arent singling her out. Im not taking up for her. He shoukd not be allowed to bite. Trust me Id be pissed if my kid got bit over and over. Im just saying the week off is silly and will change nothing. Did I make myself clear? I agree biters should be kicked out. I do not understand what a week off will accomplish.

The daycare center may be hoping that if they suspend a child for a week, the parent will work hard on getting the child to stop biting other people because it's such an inconvenience to not have daycare for an entire week.

 

I don't think they're punishing the child, but I do suspect they are trying to let the parent know that they are serious about not tolerating behaviors like biting. Basically, the parent is getting the consequence for the behavior.

 

Realistically, this suspension probably wasn't over one single biting incident. I would suspect that it has been an ongoing problem and you just haven't heard about it until now.

[SKL]

OK what I mean is this week off doesnt teach the baby anything. I know they arent singling her out. Im not taking up for her. He shoukd not be allowed to bite. Trust me Id be pissed if my kid got bit over and over. Im just saying the week off is silly and will change nothing. Did I make myself clear? I agree biters should be kicked out. I do not understand what a week off will accomplish.

 

I think the week off makes sense because biting is usually a short-lived phase.  Someone can give him one-on-one and try to redirect the behavior in that one week.

 

Since you said this is her only realistic long-term daycare solution, I'd be happy they suspended him instead of kicking him out.

 

[Janeway]

My nephew is in daycare and I have a curious question. Is it common for a toddler to get suspended for bad behavior? I just dont see how this helps the child learn to behave properly. It seems like it punishes the parents. Is this how daycare handles behavior problems usually?

for the most part, it is a bad daycare if they are doing that.

 

However, I can imagine extreme cases where this might happen. I have not seen it, but could imagine. Have you seen anything about your nephew that would make you think this could be an extreme case? If not, then this is on the daycare. Chances are, a child got hurt because they were not supervising properly. If they do not keep the kids moving from one activity to the next and do not properly supervised, bored toddlers will get hurt. And I am betting this is what happened and your nephew is better off going elsewhere anyway.

[Elizabeth86]

I think the week off makes sense because biting is usually a short-lived phase. Someone can give him one-on-one and try to redirect the behavior in that one week.

 

Since you said this is her only realistic long-term daycare solution, I'd be happy they suspended him instead of kicking him out.

 

I am happy, it just seemed odd to me.

[Elizabeth86]

for the most part, it is a bad daycare if they are doing that.

 

However, I can imagine extreme cases where this might happen. I have not seen it, but could imagine. Have you seen anything about your nephew that would make you think this could be an extreme case? If not, then this is on the daycare. Chances are, a child got hurt because they were not supervising properly. If they do not keep the kids moving from one activity to the next and do not properly supervised, bored toddlers will get hurt. And I am betting this is what happened and your nephew is better off going elsewhere anyway.

Maybe, so but she called and called and could not find other options.

[Reefgazer]

If the mom is forced to take her child elsewhere, it will indeed solve the problem for the current daycare and their other charges; in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the suspension is designed to do just that.  If it gives the mom the incentive to work with her child to teach him not to bite, then that's something positive accomplished and is good for all involved.

OK what I mean is this week off doesnt teach the baby anything. I know they arent singling her out. Im not taking up for her. He shoukd not be allowed to bite. Trust me Id be pissed if my kid got bit over and over. Im just saying the week off is silly and will change nothing. Did I make myself clear? I agree biters should be kicked out. I do not understand what a week off will accomplish.

 

Edited September 22, 2017 by reefgazer

[nixpix5]

One study showed that half of all toddlers were bitten at daycare (American Psychological Association). That says it's pretty common.

 

You can't reason or punish a toddler out of biting. What you need to do is ensure someone is there to prevent it. If the staff numbers are too low, that will be hard. If the daycare is sending a 2 year old home because they can't deal with it, if it possible, look for another daycare. If not, just instruct them to a) see if it's the same kid he's biting and ensure they are never together and b) if it's in a certain place (eg always in the block corner) ensure he's well supervised there.

 

The daycare should be the one solving the problem, as it's going to be daycare specific - a place, a person, a scenario. It's a bit rich to ask mum to solve it when she isn't there!

This.

 

The idea that a toddler can be in daycare all day and may or may not exhibit it at home, leaving mom no ability to re teach the behavior. For toddlers the teaching happens in the moment. You cannot get a curriculum and sit your 2 year old down and teach it. You can read stories about biting but 2 year olds have a limited sense of perspective taking and learning in the abstract. Concrete teaching in the moment is key.

 

I am sure biting is daycare specific. Not to mention daycare are now expensive and often offer bells and whistles. I feel providers should be trained well and quick to respond. With 12 toddlers there should be atleast 2 teachers and they should be right there, on the floor with these children. Often this behavior happens when under trained providers stand on the sidelines without their focus being on the children. He should be shadowed and each biting attempt should be quickly and gently redirected and replaced with a different behavior. Someone should do an observation and figure out the function of the behavior. Is someone taking toys from him and he cannot say no? Is he trying to set boundaries with other children and has not been taught how? What a stressful situation for the mama :(