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This was a little disturbing...a couple today in grocery store...


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What's with the ads?

#1 Patty Joanna

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:49 PM

...in their late 20s/early 30s.  Dressed a little street punky.  Fine.  Whatever.  

 

But get this:  she was wearing a dog collar, with a chain attached to it...and the guy was carrying the loop end of the leash.  He was "walking" her.  

 

I was behind them in the checkout and he stood there with the leash, while she got his wallet out of his pocket, the wallet being attached to his pocket with another chain, while she did the payment.  Then she pushed the cart out with him behind her, still holding on to the leash.

 

What in the WORLD?

 


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#2 TechWife

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:52 PM

That's more than a little disturbing to me. I think I would have considered calling the police and asking them to do a welfare check on her right there at the grocery store. That's just sick. I can see some people thinking it was a game, but it certainly isn't one that should be encouraged. Ever.
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#3 Carol in Cal.

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:53 PM

Sigh. 

 

I can top that.  But I won't.  I am having a flashback right now to a certain Renaissance Faire observation.

 

Hugs to you.


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#4 kiana

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:53 PM

This is a bdsm thing and some people (mutually) choose this lifestyle. It's not for me but as long as they're both grown up, ehhh ... 


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#5 Anne

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:55 PM

Sick.  just sick.

 

Anne



#6 CES2005

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:58 PM

Fetishes.  Not surprised.  So glad it wasn't me with kids in tow, though!!!


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#7 ErinE

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:02 PM

I can top that.  But I won't.  I am having a flashback right now to a certain Renaissance Faire observation.

 

 

 

There's a reason why we attend family day at the Renaissance Faire.

 

In regards to the grocery store incident, if it's a mutually beneficial relationship, more power to them. Whatever makes them both happy and fulfilled.


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#8 MercyA

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:02 PM

I've seen this once in my little rural town.

 

Agreeing with a previous poster that it is a bdsm thing--something that really, IMHO, doesn't need to be on public display.


Edited by MercyA, 13 September 2017 - 06:36 PM.

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#9 nixpix5

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:08 PM

Sigh.

I can top that. But I won't. I am having a flashback right now to a certain Renaissance Faire observation.

Hugs to you.


Haha! Before you said this I was thinking "I saw something similar this year at the Renaissance Faire"
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#10 J-rap

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:10 PM

That is very disturbing.  I'm glad I didn't see it, but now I'm thinking about it which is also disturbing.


Edited by J-rap, 13 September 2017 - 05:11 PM.

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#11 J-rap

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:12 PM

Haha! Before you said this I was thinking "I saw something similar this year at the Renaissance Faire"

 

Is this something that happens at Renaissance Faires???



#12 nixpix5

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:13 PM

Is this something that happens at Renaissance Faires???


Haha, no, not to my knowledge. We go every year without incident, but last month when we went we saw a few things I had to awkwardly shuffle my children past and fumble an explanation. I won't describe for sensitive folks ;)
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#13 Farrar

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:18 PM

Bdsm relationships aren't just about sex (in fact, some aren't about it much at all). For real. It is just as likely to be a consensual, happy relationship as any other. Just ignore and move on like you would any couple. It doesn't have to be disturbing. It's just something you're not into.

 


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#14 hjffkj

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:19 PM

I would have thought nothing of that. Not my thing but people are into some odd things. I wouldn't think that any wellfare check was needed either. Unless she had visible bruises or he was dragging her around.
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#15 happysmileylady

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:25 PM

I would have assumed some bdsm thing also, and would not have wanted to call for a welfare check.

 

I would have shook my head, rolled my eyes and grumbled under my breath because I don't want to have to be the audience for that sort of thing.  I would never have said anything out loud because, people wanna do that sort of thing, have at it.  But, I don't have to like it. 


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#16 Arctic Mama

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:27 PM

Eh. Lots of people have a kink, and living in a Dom/sub relationship that isn't abusive is a harmless one. Unless he was denigrating or abusing her physically or verbally, or she looked upset or shifty, I'd assume they're happy and it is consensual unless you get evidence to the contrary.
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#17 Arctic Mama

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:28 PM

That's more than a little disturbing to me. I think I would have considered calling the police and asking them to do a welfare check on her right there at the grocery store. That's just sick. I can see some people thinking it was a game, but it certainly isn't one that should be encouraged. Ever.


Why? Serious question, what's so sick about it?
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#18 kiana

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:31 PM

I don't really consider it sickening. 

 

I consider it sickening to see an abusive parent yelling at a child or an abusive couple where at least one of them is shouting, and I see things like that a lot more often. 


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#19 goldberry

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:50 PM

I don't really consider it sickening. 

 

I consider it sickening to see an abusive parent yelling at a child or an abusive couple where at least one of them is shouting, and I see things like that a lot more often. 

 

Amen.

 

The bondage thing is better off in private, IMHO, but I'd probably give it a side look and not think about it again.  What you're describing happens a lot more often and leaves me with a bad feeling the rest of the day.
 


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#20 Janeway

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:57 PM

It should be illegal to do this in public where children could see.

#21 Janeway

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:57 PM

Why? Serious question, what's so sick about it?

that they were doing it in public, around children.
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#22 CES2005

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:59 PM

Why? Serious question, what's so sick about it?

 

It does fly in the face of my theology; not sure about TechWife's reason.  But I fly in the face of my theology also, and I have enough of my own accounting to do.   :(


Edited by CES2005, 13 September 2017 - 06:00 PM.

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#23 Renthead Mommy

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:02 PM

that they were doing it in public, around children.

 

 

People put kids on leashes as well.  And the kids have no say in it.  

 

She's got a say.

 

And what you said is exactly what people said about guys holding hands in the food store 30 years ago.  Or last week depending on where you are living these days...


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#24 TeenagerMom

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:03 PM

Yeah my thought is that if a kid asks, you can just tell them it's just like a parent with their kid on a backpack or wrist leash.  If they are consensual, more power to them.


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#25 frugalmamatx

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:05 PM

It should be illegal to do this in public where children could see.

 

 

that they were doing it in public, around children.

 

 

And your point is? 

 

I'd rather my kiddo see a loving BDSM relationship a million times vs an abusive parent or couple. And yet most people wouldn't bat an eye at seeing a parent verbally abuse a child or spouse in the middle of a store. 

 

 

You also don't know WHY they were doing it. Maybe she suffers from PTSD or social anxiety, and that leash grounds her {no kidding I know a recent vet who is exactly that way}. Maybe she's been a victim of sexual assault, and feels she needs the tangible protection of a collar, even in public. Not our place to judge. 


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#26 happysmileylady

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:07 PM

People put kids on leashes as well.  And the kids have no say in it.  

 

She's got a say.

 

And what you said is exactly what people said about guys holding hands in the food store 30 years ago.  Or last week depending on where you are living these days...

 

Ok, so for real....

 

I don't like the whole idea....but if two consenting adults want to do it then whatever.

 

 

BUT please, please do not compare BDSM people being walked with a leash and collar around her NECK to parents using a monkey backpack to keep their child SAFE because the child cannot be trusted to run off.  Those two things are SO far apart, so very NOT the same.


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#27 goldberry

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:15 PM

It should be illegal to do this in public where children could see.

 

Can we make parents yelling obscenities at their children illegal?  Because I'd vote for that, but no one seems interested.
 


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#28 goldberry

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:17 PM

Ok, so for real....

 

I don't like the whole idea....but if two consenting adults want to do it then whatever.

 

 

BUT please, please do not compare BDSM people being walked with a leash and collar around her NECK to parents using a monkey backpack to keep their child SAFE because the child cannot be trusted to run off.  Those two things are SO far apart, so very NOT the same.

 

DD went through a phase where her favorite game was that DH "be a doggy" and she walked him around on a leash all the time.  We did keep it inside the house though. :laugh:


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#29 Word Nerd

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:18 PM

MYOB.
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#30 shawthorne44

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:19 PM

I agree disturbing.   Walking someone like a dog in public is not acceptable.  

 

I saw the same thing only, they were high school kids.   I knew they were high school kids because they were leaving my old high school for off-campus lunch.   

Yeah, we go on the Ren. Faire's School Day because it is G-rated.  Homeschoolers are allowed.  Some shows are entirely missing, and the women's necklines are higher and everything is MUCH cheaper.  

 


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#31 happysmileylady

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:21 PM

DD went through a phase where her favorite game was that DH "be a doggy" and she walked him around on a leash all the time.  We did keep it inside the house though. :laugh:

 

Kids pretending to be dogs is a lot different than adults pretending to be slaves.


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#32 Renthead Mommy

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:22 PM

Ok, so for real....

 

I don't like the whole idea....but if two consenting adults want to do it then whatever.

 

 

BUT please, please do not compare BDSM people being walked with a leash and collar around her NECK to parents using a monkey backpack to keep their child SAFE because the child cannot be trusted to run off.  Those two things are SO far apart, so very NOT the same.

 

 

True, but they get the same reaction from some people.  

 

"I can't believe those parents treat that child like a dog!"  yada, yada, yada

 

The people saying that don't have and don't understand kids that are runners.  And saying how distrubing it is for adults don't understand what it does for the adults in food store. 


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#33 MercyA

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:26 PM

nm :)  

 


Edited by MercyA, 13 September 2017 - 06:32 PM.


#34 Renthead Mommy

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:26 PM

And if it was two good looking white college age guys in a college town after a big football game, I'm guessing the first thought people have is NOT BDSM in a gay relationship, but the first thought would be "LOL!  Looks like somebody lost a bet."  And it wouldn't bother people quite as much....


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#35 okbud

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:29 PM

No.

Nonononono

https://www.google.c...inst-women/amp/
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#36 happysmileylady

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:30 PM

True, but they get the same reaction from some people.  

 

"I can't believe those parents treat that child like a dog!"  yada, yada, yada

 

The people saying that don't have and don't understand kids that are runners.  And saying how distrubing it is for adults don't understand what it does for the adults in food store. 

 

I used the monkey backpack reference because we had one, so I know all about the "I can't believe those parents treat that child like a dog."

 

They are SILL very much NOT the same.  Not at all.  not the same at all.  Whatever that stuff does for a BDSM couple has nothing to do with making sure my 2yr old doesn't get hit by a car.  At all. 


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#37 okbud

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:32 PM

Omg I just read this thread.

No!
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#38 Renthead Mommy

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:35 PM

I used the monkey backpack reference because we had one, so I know all about the "I can't believe those parents treat that child like a dog."

 

They are SILL very much NOT the same.  Not at all.  not the same at all.  Whatever that stuff does for a BDSM couple has nothing to do with making sure my 2yr old doesn't get hit by a car.  At all. 

 

 

They are both on a leash.

 

They both cause negative reations from people. 

 

They are both (if done right in the adult relationship) about keeping/feeling safe and the giving over of control of a situation.

 

So yeah, similar.  

 

One is just more mainstream and easier for people to justify than the other.


Edited by Renthead Mommy, 13 September 2017 - 06:36 PM.

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#39 nixpix5

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:38 PM

True, but they get the same reaction from some people.

"I can't believe those parents treat that child like a dog!" yada, yada, yada

The people saying that don't have and don't understand kids that are runners. And saying how distrubing it is for adults don't understand what it does for the adults in food store.


Yep, and the same people who make judgments about monkey backpack leashes for kids have no issue at all fully strapping their child into a rolling cart (i.e stroller) which is much more limiting in the child's mobility. My son LOVED his leash and hated his stroller because he wanted to walk but wasn't cognizant enough yet to be free in the mall. I got so many looks and one comment from a young woman was "so you think your kid is a dog huh?"

My comment was "no, we REALLY like our dog, he gets the stroller"
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#40 happysmileylady

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:39 PM

They are both on a leash.

 

They both cause negative reations from people. 

 

They are both (if done right in the adult relationship) about keeping/feeling safe and the giving over of control of a situation.

 

So yeah, similar.  

 

One is just more mainstream and easier for people to justify than the other.

 

NO they are not. 

 

 

And that's where I leave it before I actually do start internet yelling.

 

One of the few posts to make me angry here. 

 

Not the same.

 

Consenting adults can do whatever they want.  Pretending to be a slave is not the same as keeping a kid who doesn't know any better safe.
 


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#41 happysmileylady

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:40 PM

Yep, and the same people who make judgments about monkey backpack leashes for kids have no issue at all fully strapping their child into a rolling cart (i.e stroller) which is much more limiting in the child's mobility. My son LOVED his leash and hated his stroller because he wanted to walk but wasn't cognizant enough yet to be free in the mall. I got so many looks and one comment from a young woman was "so you think your kid is a dog huh?"

My comment was "no, we REALLY like our dog, he gets the stroller"

 

I just.....

 

 

 

 

yeah.
 



#42 Sadie

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:44 PM

Yeah, I used to know another homeschooler who wore a collar for similar reasons. Ugh. 

 

I find it intensely disturbing. I'd find it disturbing if it were a man on a lead, but it's particularly disturbing to see a woman on a lead. 

 

Here's an article on why consent is not enough for all those suggesting this is just a 'valid lifestyle choice'. 

 

 

 

 


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#43 Sadie

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:45 PM

Omg I just read this thread.

No!

 

Amen, sister. I seriously can't believe other women giving the thumbs up to a woman being led around on a lead. 

 

I think I would vomit if my ds saw that. Jeez, in what world is the dignity of women upheld by normalising women on a leash, because 'choice' ?


Edited by Sadie, 13 September 2017 - 06:48 PM.

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#44 nixpix5

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:48 PM

Yeah, I used to know another homeschooler who wore a collar for similar reasons. Ugh.

I find it intensely disturbing. I'd find it disturbing if it were a man on a lead, but it's particularly disturbing to see a woman on a lead.

Here's an article on why consent is not enough for all those suggesting this is just a 'valid lifestyle choice'.


That was an interesting article. Thanks for posting this!
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#45 Renthead Mommy

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:51 PM

NO they are not. 

 

 

And that's where I leave it before I actually do start internet yelling.

 

One of the few posts to make me angry here. 

 

Not the same.

 

Consenting adults can do whatever they want.  Pretending to be a slave is not the same as keeping a kid who doesn't know any better safe.
 

 

 

You seem pretty upset about this.   Did you keep your kid on a leash?  Do you have lingering guilt over it or something? 

 

 

Again, it is about control.  You needed to control your kid his own good.  The person on the leash wants someone to have control for whatever reason they wish.  So it's for their own good.

 

 

And for the record, I'm okay with leashes on kids.  Personally I always found a stroller easer becasue it held all the crap.  But when I had four kids at a time, I put them all on a lead. 


Edited by Renthead Mommy, 13 September 2017 - 10:22 PM.

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#46 frugalmamatx

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:53 PM

I'm going to say one thing, and then I'll be quiet.  

 

That article is about as far from ACTUAL BDSM it's silly. It's a bit like calling Warren Jeffs or Westboro Baptist "mainstream christianity"

 

And I say that as someone who is VERY familiar with proper respectful safe BDSM practices. Look up SSC or RACK. Consent is HUGE is BDSM. That article Tries to make a mockery of consent. And just as with any other community or group of people, there are abusive folks. They usually get weeded out very quickly. 

 

And yes, one can consent to things that can look like abuse, to those who are not involved. Are they? not in the slightest. There's a huge difference between a pre-negotiated session with hard limits that are respected vs. an abusive spouse where you don't have a clue what they'll do next. HUGE difference. 


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#47 TeenagerMom

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:55 PM

Amen, sister. I seriously can't believe other women giving the thumbs up to a woman being led around on a lead. 

 

I think I would vomit if my ds saw that. Jeez, in what world is the dignity of women upheld by normalising women on a leash, because 'choice' ?

 

I'm not thumbs upping it.  It isn't a choice I would make, but I am VERY much a Not My Monkeys, Not My Circus type person.  If they are consenting adults, they can do whatever the heck they want. I don't care.  If it isn't consensual, it's wrong in every way. 

 

It isn't about dignity. It's about minding my own business and letting adults live their lives as they see fit.


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#48 Sadie

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:55 PM

Consent doesn't occur in a vaccum. 

 

 


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#49 Sadie

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:58 PM

I'm not thumbs upping it.  It isn't a choice I would make, but I am VERY much a Not My Monkeys, Not My Circus type person.  If they are consenting adults, they can do whatever the heck they want. I don't care.  If it isn't consensual, it's wrong in every way. 

 

It isn't about dignity. It's about minding my own business and letting adults live their lives as they see fit.

 

If it harms women - and how in hell normalising the vision of women being led around on leashes like slaves or dogs isn't harmful to women - then it's my business.


Edited by Sadie, 13 September 2017 - 07:26 PM.

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#50 happysmileylady

happysmileylady

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:58 PM

You seem pretty upset about this.   Did you keep your kid on a leash?  Do you have lingering guilt over it or something? 

 

 

Again, it is about control.  You needed to control your kid his own good.  The person on the leash wants someone to have control for whatever reason they wish.  So it's for their own good.

 

 

And for the record, I'm okay with leashes on kids.  Personally I always found a stroller easer becasue it held all the crap.  And when I had four kids at a time, I put them all on a lead. 

 

Yes, it does make me angry...not "pretty upset"....angry...that people seem to think adults getting their jollies out of pretending to be slaves is the same thing as keeping a kid safe.  The adult holding the lease is not gaining pleasure or power from it, they are keeping their kid from DYING.  The very idea that an adult gains the same kind of pleasure from using a kiddie leash that a couple that is aroused by pretending to be slaves and masters is VERY disturbing and disgusting. 

 

I already said I used a leash with my kids.  Has nothing to do with guilt and everything to do with comparing BDSM to childhood safety. 


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