I will do my best to keep this concise.
For a variety of reasons, MIL is not able to come to our home on Friday night for cake/ice cream for DD's birthday. MIL asked if she could make a cake for DD for Thursday night, when MIL is helping to take/pick up some kids from soccer practice. I told MIL I didn't think that was a good idea as DD would only be at MIL's house for about 20 minutes that night, as she has an AHG meeting from 6-8 after soccer practice. I emphasized this point because I didn't want to seem rude while rushing out of MIL's home on Thursday and I didn't want MIL to be disappointed that night if the evening didn't turn out how she thought it would if she went to all the trouble of making a cake. So, today MIL calls to tell me that she called DD's AHG leader (who happens to be her good friend's daughter) and got the OK for DD to take a birthday cake to the meeting. The leader told MIL that the cake could be part of the snack.
So here are all my thoughts/concerns with this situation.
1). I kind of feel like MIL went behind my back after I told her the cake idea wouldn't work out. That she's talking to me like she "fixed" the situation, when in reality the only problem was she wasn't getting her way.
2). I could see that the AHG leader would agree to this (even though I have never seen/heard of any other birthday celebrated there this way) because my MIL is good friend's with her mom. What else could she say? I don't want to be those people!
3). Snacks are assigned each week. This is not our week. Plus, MIL's cake will not be enough for all 37 girls. I feel badly that some girls won't get cake.
4) We have only lived close to MIL for about a year. I'm having a hard time figuring out when I need to make a stand to enforce boundaries and when it's just not worth the fight. I don't want to have a difficult relationship with her, but I don't want to let her walk all over me either.
5). And finally, I don't believe this was done with any thoughts of ME but instead with thoughts of MIL doing something special for DD. I don't think she's coming from a bad place. She's not a nightmare of a MIL, we're just not best friends.
I guess my question is, would you take the cake? Would you call her back and tell her no again? Should I have DH call her and say no? Wold you check in with the AHG leader to ensure that she's really OK with it?