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Does your partner expect homeschooling to be done at a certain time?


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#51 KungFuPanda

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 07:25 PM

Nope, and I don't micromanage his work projects or schedule either. At 9 we were long finished before dinner. My kids didn't have the stamina for anything but a bedtime story in the evening:-/ My kids were closer in age though, so I never had to juggle a preschooler with schoolwork past 3rd grade.

#52 Arcadia

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 07:31 PM

The days dh does school with ds, he does not do a complete day. The first time he left for working saying something like, "we got a few hours done, looks like he's done for the day" I had to correct him. They did culinary arts and geography or something. I was like, "yeah and after you leave we still have math and language arts." Plus we do Spanish daily. So no, not even dh can follow his done by 12 rule since that's leaving out core subjects.

  

Ds was good today, but many days he's VERY argumentative. It's not like, "okay we need to do this and that's the way it is" and no pushback. Pushback happens frequently.

I think your husband's definition of done might be that his portion is done. Do you think a day a page planner might help?

For example my younger boy would think he is done. When he check his planner, he might find he forgot something. If you write the task in daily or weekly and put in brackets the person supervising and maybe the estimated time for the task, then when it comes to weekends or holidays like Thanksgiving, it is easier to see what was done and wasn't done.

So math, language arts and Spanish is daily and supervise by you. If your son miss math on a weekday for example, then making up on a weekend is like finishing up unfinished homework. When it comes to holidays like thanksgiving, it won't be a school day but a catch up on unfinished work day. The public school kids had homework as usual for Labor Day weekend. It was up to the public school students when they got their homework done as long as it was done before coming back to school after the long weekend.

Also audiobooks for language arts and Spanish would help for the car rides. My older gets sick on car rides if he reads or even play on his tablet. We usually switch to the classical music channel so they are indirectly forced to pick up on music appreciation and music history.

My husband is well aware that my younger boy is bad at time management but didn't know how bad until I made my younger boy document his time on tasks so that my husband and our kid can see for himself all the time confetti wasted. My husband used to get frustrated and ask what younger boy has done all day without realizing that this kid needs so much redirecting and checklists and task broken down into smaller tasks.
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#53 Rosika

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 07:35 PM

No, but he's self-employed and keeps his own weird hours. And I used to have a job with non-traditional hours, so we've always done school at weird times. I have a friend whose husband works regular hours but also travels during football season. He expects the kids to be school-free anytime he's home and/or if he gets an itch to take a weekend trip to their lake home. She left our local co-op because it caused friction between them when the kids weren't available to drop everything and go if he wanted to take a last-minute weekend trip. But it's hard on her because during the months he's traveling, the co-op was a big support for her. Almost like a respite. 



#54 Margaret in CO

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 08:25 PM

My dh never really had any idea whether we were where I wanted to be with curriculum. The only thing we had to negotiate was ranch stuff. If you're needing the kids for branding or whatever, you have to TELL ME!  At least a week in advance. Sure wrecks happen: some stupid heifer decides that she should have an enormous breech calf, or the shed catches fire, but those are emergencies. If you want the lambs hauled to the butcher or the upper fence fixed, I need to know! And sometimes I'd tell him no. I have thus and such planned, and you can't have the kids. And don't come in and ask with them sitting there--of COURSE they're going to pick running the backhoe over algebra!

 

For the age of the kids you have, you should be able to get the day's work in before evening, other than read alouds. I found that the day's schedule written out (for two weeks), with places to check off completion was a big help. My kids have told me that they're going to laminate me when I die, and my headstone is going to read, "Is your list done"?


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#55 CaliforniaDreaming

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 09:26 PM

You sound really overwhelmed. A child who may have some special needs and a hyper mischievous toddler can make any homeschool mom feel that way. It sounds like the issues have less to do with your husband than you just feeling overwhelmed and behind (and perhaps him seeing that and trying to help in a way that is actually not helpful?) It sounds like resources are limited but you are paying for tutoring? Would it work better to use those funds for a mother's helper a couple of days a week who could distract the toddler while you teach? Babysitters often charge less than tutors.

Some of the toddler threads may be helpful but it is a process. And the distraction techniques do have time limits, I get it. But maybe a busy box that comes out only during school might keep her interested long enough to do one core subject, such as language arts or math? It sounds like the schedule is kind of all over the place and it may be that the best use of your time and energy now would be spent in trying to create a routine that works.

If you feel like your child is struggling or falling behind in core academics I would immediately focus your attention on math and language arts. Those are the key areas for elementary school and the rest is really gravy. It may be that you need to drop some expectations of how many subjects you can really do with your 9 year old. I have been there and it is really HARD. I wanted to do all the extras, all the fun stuff, but we had to focus on the basics and it was hard not to compare with what all the other homeschool moms were doing in elementary school. I did not have time to mummify chickens!

If reading comprehension and language arts is an issue at all, I would drop the Spanish. He doesn't need to struggle in 2 languages at elementary school. One less thing to worry about if it is not required by law in your state. I would consider dropping any unnecessary subjects and focusing on a routine for your basics in the morning. 4-5 mornings a week, math and language arts. The afternoon could be enrichment, and if culinary arts or geography gets skipped I bet you won't feel as much angst knowing math and reading got done.

I would make the content subjects easier, and not require as much from a struggling 9 year old in terms of history or science. Those can be more laid back right now. Audio books, documentaries, library books, co-op projects can cover those areas and the extra curricular subjects. Save your energy for math and language arts and do those things first.

Slow and steady will win the race with a child struggling in academics. Piling on the work because you feel desperately behind will make things worse (ask me how I know). Teach the child you have right where he is now. If one page of math is what he can do then do one page of math each school day. Once you get in a routine and he feels some more success and less failure at school, you may be able to ramp things up then. Also once you get a diagnosis you may have a lot more clarity about how to proceed. For now I would take a deep breath and focus on the basics and creating a routine that works for your family.

I hope you find some solutions and some peace for your homeschool soon!

Edited by CaliforniaDreaming, 13 September 2017 - 09:28 PM.

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#56 Garga

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 09:28 PM

I failed to mention that when we leave the house we're easily gone for hours. That means it's hard to school. Ds complains of headaches if he reads in the car. Co-op day we leave the house around 8:45am. No schooling is done before we leave the house. Co-op classes go from 10-11:45. I am a helper in two classes. Dd didn't attend the first day because dh decided to go into work extra late and make it easier for ds and I to attend the classes and clinic. Now he's debating about going into work late again next time we meet for co-op because he doesn't want strangers watching dd in the toddler room. I said you knew she'd be in there and said you were okay with it. I wanted her to get socialization. We don't know anyone around here for her to hang out with, really. I told him it shouldn't be a big deal. When the kids take a snack break I can take her to the potty so we probably won't even need strangers changing her diaper. Anyway, so since ds isn't done with testing and may need follow up therapy I guess we'll be going out of town 1-2x a week. The co-op is roughly 45 min. away and the clinic is a bit further. Once we get feedback on this eval. I should be able to set up his follow up with the psychologist that did his eval last school year. By now we should have at least one teacher feedback form on file with them (if the school ever mailed it like they said they did). Ds was good today, but many days he's VERY argumentative. It's not like, "okay we need to do this and that's the way it is" and no pushback. Pushback happens frequently. I'm dealing with someone that may be the explosive child. And lots of guilt trips. And lots of self loathing talk and saying that we hate him if we correct him, etc. I don't think what I'm dealing with is what people giving advice are necessarily picturing.

 

 

Oh, I can picture it really well!  I think you've probaby got some sort of learning issue with the oldest and you're dealing with a headstrong toddler and those two things together equal Challenge with a capital C.  

 

My oldest has ADHD and it was just about impossible to get him to do his work without terrible pushback until it was dx'd and treated.  If there are issues going on with the oldest, then simple advice won't mean anything to you and will be useless until the underlying issues are understood.

 

And I am not someone who ever felt she truly learned how to manage a headstrong toddler. I remember standing in the living room soooo many times thinking, "I just don't know what to do.  I just don't know!  I have NO CLUE how to deal with X," while my child was screaming or tossing things or whatever.  I would put my hands on the side of my head and stare at my wild child and have no idea what was going on.  I was a compliant kid and I was waaaay out of my depth with a strong willed child. 

 

It was frustrating and deflating and miserable for many years. I've been on these boards long enough and read enough threads on strong-willed kids that I *think* that if I went back in time, I *might* be able to handle things better, but I'm not sure.  It's really hard when you have a strong-willed little one.  Really hard.  Like, there aren't enough words to describe how hard it is.  I didn't have the board back when my kids were smaller.  But since you have the board, you could post asking how to deal with challenging toddlers.  There are lots of boardies here who will know what you mean.  Sure, there will be those who don't understand and think they're helping when they're not, but you might be able to get just enough gems that something will help you.  

 

I agree with a PP that your dh and you aren't quite on the same page about homeschooling and there are misunderstandings there about what it means to homeschool and how to make it happen.  I do think you guys need to have a conversation where you each try to ask and listen more than you tell, so you can understand what each person expects/needs.


Edited by Garga, 13 September 2017 - 09:30 PM.

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#57 heartlikealion

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 10:21 PM

You sound really overwhelmed. A child who may have some special needs and a hyper mischievous toddler can make any homeschool mom feel that way. It sounds like the issues have less to do with your husband than you just feeling overwhelmed and behind (and perhaps him seeing that and trying to help in a way that is actually not helpful?) It sounds like resources are limited but you are paying for tutoring? Would it work better to use those funds for a mother's helper a couple of days a week who could distract the toddler while you teach? Babysitters often charge less than tutors.

Some of the toddler threads may be helpful but it is a process. And the distraction techniques do have time limits, I get it. But maybe a busy box that comes out only during school might keep her interested long enough to do one core subject, such as language arts or math? It sounds like the schedule is kind of all over the place and it may be that the best use of your time and energy now would be spent in trying to create a routine that works.

If you feel like your child is struggling or falling behind in core academics I would immediately focus your attention on math and language arts. Those are the key areas for elementary school and the rest is really gravy. It may be that you need to drop some expectations of how many subjects you can really do with your 9 year old. I have been there and it is really HARD. I wanted to do all the extras, all the fun stuff, but we had to focus on the basics and it was hard not to compare with what all the other homeschool moms were doing in elementary school. I did not have time to mummify chickens!

If reading comprehension and language arts is an issue at all, I would drop the Spanish. He doesn't need to struggle in 2 languages at elementary school. One less thing to worry about if it is not required by law in your state. I would consider dropping any unnecessary subjects and focusing on a routine for your basics in the morning. 4-5 mornings a week, math and language arts. The afternoon could be enrichment, and if culinary arts or geography gets skipped I bet you won't feel as much angst knowing math and reading got done.

I would make the content subjects easier, and not require as much from a struggling 9 year old in terms of history or science. Those can be more laid back right now. Audio books, documentaries, library books, co-op projects can cover those areas and the extra curricular subjects. Save your energy for math and language arts and do those things first.

Slow and steady will win the race with a child struggling in academics. Piling on the work because you feel desperately behind will make things worse (ask me how I know). Teach the child you have right where he is now. If one page of math is what he can do then do one page of math each school day. Once you get in a routine and he feels some more success and less failure at school, you may be able to ramp things up then. Also once you get a diagnosis you may have a lot more clarity about how to proceed. For now I would take a deep breath and focus on the basics and creating a routine that works for your family.

I hope you find some solutions and some peace for your homeschool soon!

 

We aren't paying her in cash so it's not so bad. We are paying her in food. She is gluten-free and cannot eat most of what is offered on campus. I shop the gluten-free sales mostly. We've given her homemade gluten-free food as well as prepackaged. She says she enjoys tutoring and it gives her something to put on her resume so I don't think she's super focused on money. She does have another job, too. I wanted to do a mother's helper type thing before, but dd is such a handful and a lot of the students are in class during the day when I would need them. Ds meets his tutor at/around 4.

 

He seems fine with the Spanish because they are very short lessons and review. We spend very little time on Spanish. I think he may have a processing issue and I know auditory learning is not his go-to so I don't really know how audio books would go over. In the past I tried doing read alouds with him and it was awful. I would have to repeat myself and paraphrase constantly. But he does well sitting beside me and following along when I read history to him. I draw pictures of what we are talking about on the side, too. For reading comprehension lessons we tried it all kinds of ways. Him reading to me. Me reading to him. Him reading to himself. Reading comprehension results were all over the place, often poor, though. Last year in the brick & mortar school the reading comp. is what pulled his English grade down mainly. I knew it wasn't just me when I saw that he was struggling in that area in school, too.

 

He never knew he needed glasses in school but kept coming home complaining of headaches. I asked if his seat was close enough to the board. It was. I took him to the optometrist over the summer and he got his glasses. So far he's taken a hearing test and passed. They are working on this auditory processing test now and I've been able to observe part of it. They asked him to say a word and he'd say it but then give them a definition. They told him that they don't need the definition, but he continued to do that. He has trouble recalling lists of things like if you say do A, B, and C, he might just remember A and B. I think all this contributes to how schooling goes. In math I ask him did you do this stuff in school last year? I have a copy of the scope and sequence, but the school tossed his workbooks so I have no way to flip through it. He doesn't always remember what they covered or he says he forgot. I slowed down and worked on some sample problems with him. He had to take a word problem and form it into a find x sentence and solve. It's okay if we go a bit slower as long as he's making progress. I agree. But math used to be his favorite subject and he did pretty well in the past so I'm just worried he forgot too much or their math was too different. I don't know how he feels about math lately.

 

As for language arts- he sometimes does not follow directions. That's another problem. It will say circle the verb and he'll underline it. I'll ask him if he rushed and did he read the directions and he'll get defensive. So I don't know what's going on. On Worldy Wise it said circle the correct answer. There may be more than one. And he only circled one for each answer and I told him I don't think you noticed you can choose two. He gets frustrated that he isn't done with the page.

 

I agree we should just make Language Arts and Math first priority and I'll shift the other subjects to later. Right now he is doing some language arts online (time4learning.com) and I try to review that with him. He had a whole lesson on when to use -able vs. -ible and he was messing up so we went over it again.



#58 laundrycrisis

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 10:27 PM

Tell your DH that you are the homeschooling parent, and you decide when you are doing it, and for how long.  If he thinks he's in charge of it, correct that.   

 

 


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#59 laundrycrisis

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 10:29 PM

I think he just wants to feel like he walks in the house and everyone is done with everything. We go on vacation and no school to come along with us. He wants us to all have his vacation days (he works in a school) so follow the school schedule.

 

We are only homeschooling because of where we live. I don't dislike homeschooling in itself, but I dislike trying to manage with the toddler.
 

  

If he expects the whole family to wrap around his schedule, that expectation should be adjusted. 



#60 heartlikealion

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 10:30 PM

Oh, I can picture it really well!  I think you've probaby got some sort of learning issue with the oldest and you're dealing with a headstrong toddler and those two things together equal Challenge with a capital C.  

 

My oldest has ADHD and it was just about impossible to get him to do his work without terrible pushback until it was dx'd and treated.  If there are issues going on with the oldest, then simple advice won't mean anything to you and will be useless until the underlying issues are understood.

 

And I am not someone who ever felt she truly learned how to manage a headstrong toddler. I remember standing in the living room soooo many times thinking, "I just don't know what to do.  I just don't know!  I have NO CLUE how to deal with X," while my child was screaming or tossing things or whatever.  I would put my hands on the side of my head and stare at my wild child and have no idea what was going on.  I was a compliant kid and I was waaaay out of my depth with a strong willed child. 

 

It was frustrating and deflating and miserable for many years. I've been on these boards long enough and read enough threads on strong-willed kids that I *think* that if I went back in time, I *might* be able to handle things better, but I'm not sure.  It's really hard when you have a strong-willed little one.  Really hard.  Like, there aren't enough words to describe how hard it is.  I didn't have the board back when my kids were smaller.  But since you have the board, you could post asking how to deal with challenging toddlers.  There are lots of boardies here who will know what you mean.  Sure, there will be those who don't understand and think they're helping when they're not, but you might be able to get just enough gems that something will help you.  

 

I agree with a PP that your dh and you aren't quite on the same page about homeschooling and there are misunderstandings there about what it means to homeschool and how to make it happen.  I do think you guys need to have a conversation where you each try to ask and listen more than you tell, so you can understand what each person expects/needs.

 

Thank you. The psychologist he saw last year was supposed to evaluate him mainly for focus issues. He was unable to clearly determine if ds had add/adhd as we only had my input to go by. He did not have any teacher forms at the time (it was the first week of his brick & mortar school). He just said he met the criteria so he may be. His testing did not isolate the auditory processing thing I wanted to focus on. When I specifically asked if ds could have APD the dr dismissed it and said that he didn't think so because ds didn't have issues with phonics. I have since learned that is not always relevant. I have been in touch with an audiologist but for now we are seeing a SLP but they should be able to give me some feedback soon and my recommend we see an audiologist next. The audiologist prices are $$$$ or I would have gone there already.

 

As overwhelmed as I may sound, I am actually relieved to be homeschooling because I feel like we can focus more on some things that would be pretty impossible if he was still at school. One of those things is his pencil grip. We have already worked on that this semester. He still needs to learn to tie his shoes. There was a lot of pushback over that and he wears shoes with velcro. So definitely some things we need to deal with.


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#61 Ausmumof3

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 10:49 PM

I let YouTube teach my kids to tie their shoes. Seriously! So much easier...
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#62 nixpix5

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 10:50 PM

I don't negotiate much. If I decide 2 pages (or whatever amount) a day are what need to be done to finish what I think it a reasonable amount of progress in a certain amount of time, then 2 pages a day it is unless they're too sick to do school or some incredible outside educational opportunity came up and can only be done during school hours. We can negotiate the order of subjects. We can negotiate reading aloud or reading silently. We can sometimes negotiate doing it orally instead of written. We can sometimes negotiate typed over handwritten. But we almost always we do what's been assigned because I decided that's what needed to be done daily (in my case weekly) to meet my goals and is developmentally appropriate.

I don't think the solution to being behind is loading the kid up more on other days. I think the correction needs to be mom making school a regular thing at a regular time before anything else is done. Creating a culture of diligence in the home is key. I get doing it irregularly because reality forces us into it, but irregularly because mom, to use your words, is slacking/pushing it off needs fixing. It will only get harder later on, so having good habits established needs to happen in the early years. We all have until our child is 18 to provide what we think prepares a child for adulthood and meets the homeschooling laws in our state.

At my house screen time is granted only on the days the kid was cooperative during school and chores are done. They don't have to like it or pretend to like it, they have to do it without:
1. disrespectful talk to others (abusive language, arguing)
2. destructive behavior (tearing up things, throwing things)
3. tantrums (crying, whining)
4. distracting themselves with other things when they are supposed to be on task

If the coop and helping with the Sunday School teaching are adding more to your week than you can realistically get done at this stage of life, then I think one or both should be cut. If you can figure out and follow through with a schedule or routine of some sort that makes it work and you're not stressed out about it, then I think one or both should stay.


I just have to say how much I love this :) when I get parents who ask me how to discipline, be consistent and deal out natural consequences I want to send them to your house ok? ;)

#63 desertstrawberry5

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 12:08 AM

First, I think you need to take a deep breath and step back. You have a lot going on, You need to prioritize some things. 

#1, get through the evals. Do not try to do school work and evals, and co-op on the same day. that's too much. If he has an eval, that is his job for the day. It's hard for him! He needs the evals. they will help you help him. This is the thing that matters most right now. The schoolwork can wait. 
 

#2, slow down. You are getting so much push back from your boy because it's not working for him. It's too much. Give him less, not more. A lot less. He is struggling in a way you don't yet understand. You cannot push him through whatever is going on. You need to take some time to settle in. It doesn't matter how much of the book you finish if he isn't fully grasping what you are teaching him. 

#3, strip it down to the basics. Read to him, and have him read. Can he do math independently? Don't ask if he did this or that last year. He has no idea. Give him a brief instruction. Make sure he can follow it. Send him to a quiet corner to work. If he can't manage on the level you are presenting, drop him down. Make it easy. If he is struggling, it's too hard. Keep his lessons short. if you are slugging through 30 minutes of instruction, it's too much. 

#4 build in some quality time with your girl. She needs that,too. Are you expecting her to entertain herself, or sit quietly while all your attention is on something else? She is a needy girl. The only remedy for that is a lot of attention. More than you'd like. 

#5 Make room for some fun stuff. Snuggle on the couch with a movie. watch him build with legos, go play at the park. The best part of homeschooling is all that extra playtime. Make time for it. 

#6 You are not alone. You are not the only one. Please do not assume that we all have super easy kids who fall right into line, or that it is easy for us. it's hard. really really hard. It's just as hard for us as it is for you. I have 2 of your son and 2 of your daughter (with medical needs) in addition to my easy kid. Until a year ago, we lived in deep poverty. Deep. Believe me when I tell you that I understand. I really really do. Please take our advice. We really do know what we are talking about. I believe in you. I know you can do this. You can. 

#7 Once you have all of that worked out with yourself, talk to your husband. Ask him what he expects, really get down to nuts and bolts. It sounds like you have very different ideas of what should be happening. Really hear him when he tells you what he wants. Then make it very clear to him that he cannot undermine you. That he cannot dictate what and how you teach. But do try to understand what he wants and find a way to make everyone happy. 

I hope you hear this in the loving tone with which I'm typing it. I am with you. I am doing all the same things you are. It is hard to manage everything. We cannot do it all. We just have to prioritize what is important and let the rest go. This is a hard time. It will pass. you will be fine. All of you. I promise. 

 


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#64 Artichoke

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 02:46 AM

I don't think you understand. Telling me to do work while a toddler naps when I explicitly explained the napping situation in the OP is not helpful. You may not be aware of this because I didn't state it in this thread, but we cannot afford daycare and there isn't a daycare for a few hours a week. I mean, maybe someone does that in their home but the one we're familiar with is full-time only. Oh and someone was murdered next to the daycare last week. Love this town.

 

Is a Mother's Day Out an option in your area?  Usually it's 4-5 hours a day for two days a week with minimum cost.  Could you offer use of your washer and dryer for a college student to babysit a couple of hours per week?  

 

As for the days off,  can you sit down with your husband and mark which days you'll not be actively teaching  ( i.e. taking off from school ) ?

 

 

As for the nap time, some of us have children do a rest time in their rooms each afternoon regardless of whether they nap or not.   It can be difficult to implement, but IMHO it's worth it's weight in gold.   It can also take different forms -- listening to an audio book, playing with a special toy, free reading, etc.  When I had four littles, it was my sanity break during the day!   For our family now ( in my grandma role ) dgs 2 naps or listens to an audiobook, dgs 4  watches  Magic School Bus or plays a  video game, and dgs 7 plays with the really large and cool Magnetix set which isn't safe for the youngers.    Meanwhile, dear grandma takes a much needed rest :-)   It took some time and training  to get them used to "quiet time" but now they love it, except for dgs 2 who tolerates it :-)

  

 

Best wishes as you find what works for you and yours

 


Edited by Artichoke, 14 September 2017 - 03:04 AM.

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#65 Elizabeth86

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 05:24 AM

No because he knows with 3 soon to be 4 under 6 that life is really chaotic for me. He gladly helps ds with anything we dont finish after school. When he. works nigths he looks. after the littles when I do school. If his weekend is a weekday for the quarter he is in, we do school on one of his days off usually. His desire to homeschool is stronger than mine, so he knows he has to be helpful.

On another note, some grandparents apparently see homeschooling as we have a wide open schedule and wonder why we dont visit every week anymore.

Edited by Elizabeth86, 14 September 2017 - 05:25 AM.

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#66 SparklyUnicorn

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 06:00 AM

no

 

My husband knows the world doesn't revolve around him.

 

 


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#67 barnwife

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 06:12 AM


 

If the coop and helping with the Sunday School teaching are adding more to your week than you can realistically get done at this stage of life, then I think one or both should be cut.  If you can figure out and follow through with a schedule or routine of some sort that makes it work and you're not stressed out about it, then I think one or both should stay.

I am kind of going to disagree with the above.  I also teach a Sunday School class. Sometimes, being a SAH HS mom to a 7 yo, 5 yo, 4 yo, and 8 mo is overwhelming. However, I will not give up Sunday School. That's my time. It's my guaranteed "leave the house all by myself" time. I talk to other adults about things that don't include my children.

Frankly, that's an absolute sanity-saver for me. Weeks without Sunday School are mentally harder for me because I don't necessarily get that break. If this is true for the OP, she needs to keep them in.

 

I was going to quote part of desertstrawberry's post, but changed my mind. It won't let me delete the above though. That's okay. It gives me a chance to say her post is wise.

Anyway, if it helps, this is what my new 7 yo does. For maths, we do a number of the day sheet. We also spend about 5 minutes practicing addition/subtraction math facts in some way. (Sometimes it's a worksheet, sometimes a game) Then we generally review a math skill for a couple minutes before working on the new skill. Review and new skills take about 10 minutes. It's rare for all of that maths to take place in one sitting.

Our 7 yo is just maturing into more sit-down work. I fully accept that he is on the later end for this.

Phonics is about 5-10 minutes of Progressive Phonics. Then we also buddy read a physical book for about 5 minutes. We are just adding "read good-fit books to self" to our day.

Add in 5-10 minutes of handwriting/copywork and RA and that's our day.

OP, I hope you are able to find some strategies to help you cope in this season of life.


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#68 Zinnia

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 06:17 AM

We don't homeschool on weekends, vacations, or holidays. We have one child in public school, 3 at home, and we follow that schedule.

I am pretty relaxed in the early ages.

I have kids that like to have full blown tantrums over things they don't like for many years after this is considered acceptable. Almost always at home, almost always directed at me. It's emotionally exhausting. I get it, I really do.

With homeschooling, I have moved a lot of homemaking to the evening and weekend hours. We treat homeschooling as if it was my job (it is). It takes all of my focus during the day. This was a big change for us, but dh is supportive and helpful, and it's working
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#69 J-rap

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:22 AM

My dh always backed my schedule 100%.  That said, I almost always made sure we were done with school by the time he came home.  I'd way rather they have that time with their dad than school books.


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#70 heartlikealion

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:25 AM

Yeah, I've been trying to balance "do enough work" and "let him relax, he has a lot going on." The days we went to the clinic we either didn't do school or we did less. Part of the reason I feel behind. The clinic wants me to come twice a week. Well, only some days does co-op land on the clinic day and I told them I could come those days but not sure about twice a week because it's a lot of gas. I'd do it, but dh is not happy about it cost-wise so I'm trying to find a balance. I drive an hour each way and the session is 50 minutes. During the session I walk around the building with dd and last week let her color in the lobby. Last time I took the kids to a comic store afterwards because we'd never had a chance to go there and ds wanted to go.

 

Ds did fine grade-wise in school but he didn't always know what was going on. By the time we could sit down and look at the homework together I was trying to get dinner ready or he was exhausted or dd needed a bath, etc. If an adult passed a message to me via him, forget it. I might not see it. I hated that form of communication, but the school did that sometimes. School couldn't offer much help and wasn't supportive when I tried to explain our situation. Told me he was old enough to get his homework assignments etc. and get organized. The public school offers more support in that area, but we have reservations about it. And ds wanted to homeschool again. He said he was too shy to ask the teacher questions/clarification. He'd just sit there clueless or lost sometimes I guess.

 

I looked into Mother's Morning Out. There's one about 45 min. away and it costs like $60/day for like 2, maybe 3 hours. I gave up on that. We live in one of the poorest counties in the nation. There's not much here.



#71 heartlikealion

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:58 AM

Just to clarify, I did tell the boys in advance about Labor Day. They just didn't listen to me. And dh undermines me all the time and we've talked about it numerous times. We also share a car and sometimes he'll take the car to work (down the street) and I'll have to walk the kids down the street to retrieve it. He didn't want me to take the kids to the session the other day because he was nervous about the weather. It was saying "tropical storm" but it wasn't that bad. I walked the kids down the street and took the car to the appointment.

 

Is a Mother's Day Out an option in your area?  Usually it's 4-5 hours a day for two days a week with minimum cost.  Could you offer use of your washer and dryer for a college student to babysit a couple of hours per week?  

 

As for the days off,  can you sit down with your husband and mark which days you'll not be actively teaching  ( i.e. taking off from school ) ?

 

 

As for the nap time, some of us have children do a rest time in their rooms each afternoon regardless of whether they nap or not.   It can be difficult to implement, but IMHO it's worth it's weight in gold.   It can also take different forms -- listening to an audio book, playing with a special toy, free reading, etc.  When I had four littles, it was my sanity break during the day!   For our family now ( in my grandma role ) dgs 2 naps or listens to an audiobook, dgs 4  watches  Magic School Bus or plays a  video game, and dgs 7 plays with the really large and cool Magnetix set which isn't safe for the youngers.    Meanwhile, dear grandma takes a much needed rest :-)   It took some time and training  to get them used to "quiet time" but now they love it, except for dgs 2 who tolerates it :-)

  

 

Best wishes as you find what works for you and yours

 

She doesn't have her own room. Technically the kids share a room, but it's not really set up properly. I'm still waiting on dh to help me with stuff. We need to rearrange the room. Dd sleeps in our room. None of the rooms are adequately baby proofed to leave her alone in. We set up the house this year with the goal being that the dining room was ds' school area and the living room was for dd. She has toys in there and can watch some tv or color. But it's not super organized as to when she can do what. I guess I need to set it up so when ds does math she gets to play with her Magnatiles or something. That might be good.



#72 ScoutTN

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 08:04 AM

Nope. While Dh is supportive, he leaves all the homeschooling to me. As dd has moved up into the logic stage, he's not surprised that she needs to do some work in the evenings or on weekends. 


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#73 DawnM

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 08:13 AM

DH had no certain expectations.....he was just glad they were alive when he got home  :lol:  (kidding! kidding!)

 

But I could not school after about 3pm.  If we weren't finished by then, the kids had independent work because I was DONE by then.

 

And we had evening activities almost every single night when we HSed (soccer, scouts, church, robotics, etc....)


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#74 Zoo Keeper

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 08:28 AM

First, I think you need to take a deep breath and step back. You have a lot going on, You need to prioritize some things. 

#1, get through the evals. Do not try to do school work and evals, and co-op on the same day. that's too much. If he has an eval, that is his job for the day. It's hard for him! He needs the evals. they will help you help him. This is the thing that matters most right now. The schoolwork can wait. 
 

#2, slow down. You are getting so much push back from your boy because it's not working for him. It's too much. Give him less, not more. A lot less. He is struggling in a way you don't yet understand. You cannot push him through whatever is going on. You need to take some time to settle in. It doesn't matter how much of the book you finish if he isn't fully grasping what you are teaching him. 

#3, strip it down to the basics. Read to him, and have him read. Can he do math independently? Don't ask if he did this or that last year. He has no idea. Give him a brief instruction. Make sure he can follow it. Send him to a quiet corner to work. If he can't manage on the level you are presenting, drop him down. Make it easy. If he is struggling, it's too hard. Keep his lessons short. if you are slugging through 30 minutes of instruction, it's too much. 

#4 build in some quality time with your girl. She needs that,too. Are you expecting her to entertain herself, or sit quietly while all your attention is on something else? She is a needy girl. The only remedy for that is a lot of attention. More than you'd like. 

#5 Make room for some fun stuff. Snuggle on the couch with a movie. watch him build with legos, go play at the park. The best part of homeschooling is all that extra playtime. Make time for it. 

#6 You are not alone. You are not the only one. Please do not assume that we all have super easy kids who fall right into line, or that it is easy for us. it's hard. really really hard. It's just as hard for us as it is for you. I have 2 of your son and 2 of your daughter (with medical needs) in addition to my easy kid. Until a year ago, we lived in deep poverty. Deep. Believe me when I tell you that I understand. I really really do. Please take our advice. We really do know what we are talking about. I believe in you. I know you can do this. You can. 

#7 Once you have all of that worked out with yourself, talk to your husband. Ask him what he expects, really get down to nuts and bolts. It sounds like you have very different ideas of what should be happening. Really hear him when he tells you what he wants. Then make it very clear to him that he cannot undermine you. That he cannot dictate what and how you teach. But do try to understand what he wants and find a way to make everyone happy. 

I hope you hear this in the loving tone with which I'm typing it. I am with you. I am doing all the same things you are. It is hard to manage everything. We cannot do it all. We just have to prioritize what is important and let the rest go. This is a hard time. It will pass. you will be fine. All of you. I promise. 

 

 

:iagree:    Just had to quote it because Strawberry speaks the truth.  BTDT actually, still there, doing that;)

 

:grouphug: , to you  OP. 
 


Edited by Zoo Keeper, 14 September 2017 - 08:34 AM.

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#75 _______

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 08:46 AM

nm


Edited by lllllll, 21 September 2017 - 11:38 AM.

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#76 heartlikealion

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 09:35 AM

Honestly, I'm not sure how you get much school done at all, what with all the driving, appointments, co-op, toddlers, etc.  I would be exhausted and frustrated with trying to squeeze school in amongst all that.

 

I agree with desertstrawberry that you need to prioritize and work on the most glaring things first because it all sounds kind of chaotic.  Only it sounds like it's stuff YOU really need to work out first as best you can, without the dh if at all possible, only bringing him in when absolutely necessary, because he seems to be an added source of stress on you.  

 

As far as toddlers, I baby-proofed most of my house and let them run wild - within reason, of course.  (The little bit of furniture and stuff we had was old and worn out so I didn't have to worry about stuff like that.)  I WOULD have let them run wild outside while I did school except that they would have wandered off ... way off.  So I just 'gave' them the house, essentially.  That, and I would hold them in my lap whenever possible.    

 

And, in answer to your original question, no, my dh never really said he wanted us done before he got home from work.  But we were always done anyway because it was almost impossible to get any school done when my dh was home.  He's very loud and has a personality that demands attention, no matter where he is or what he's doing .... beyond distracting when you're trying to get 5 kids to do their school.  Plus, he never cared about anything involved in our hs'ing which was a true blessing for me and dc due to a variety of things.  

 

Also, my brain was usually fried by about 3-4pm every day anyway, so that was when I quit the school stuff.

 

And we never did school on vacations back when we had the money to actually take vacations.  I would suggest that dc take books to read, and they would do that.  But no way I was spending my vacation doing school.  Too much other stuff to do.

 

I don't know, but it kind of sounds like you could be headed for burnout if you don't slow down like desertstrawberry said, and pace yourself, etc.  Attack the biggest problems one at a time and go from there.  

 

Not sure what to do about your dh.  I mean, he does actually do some teaching, if I read that right?  If he's really helping, I'd let him help.  Otherwise, I might try to get him out of the hs'ing altogether.  Can't really tell about this part.

 

I guess I feel like if I don't get enough work done despite having appointments or whatever in the way, we will have no choice but to bring school work on our vacations. And I use the term vacation loosely. It's literally us visiting family a few times a year. We stay with them and we really don't do too much besides maybe eat out or see a movie. But when we're on vacation the niece and nephew are often around and ds just wants to be lazy. Because I know there's a lot of pushback if/when I bring school work on the trips I am trying to be pro-active and avoid that.
 

We have limited socialization so that's why I went ahead and joined the groups we're in. I do have to be somewhat selective about what activities we get involved with. Next week I signed up ds for a science thing at the science museum. The cost is really cheap and dd can still get in free for a couple more months. I told him that will be his science and we really need to try to get our other school done that morning before we go. He was agreeable to that. The event is in the afternoon.

 

Dh is trying to take some work off my shoulders by doing school with ds but I could take it or leave it since the subjects he's doing aren't my primary concern. Plus, I think he just likes the idea of homeschooling and wanted to get involved. I do think for the most part it's good that dh is doing some of that stuff.

 

I don't think this house will ever truly be baby proofed. For example, the pantry shelves are bolted to the wall, but dd can still reach for things off the shelves. I cannot only use upper shelves for storage.

 

Dh and I butt heads on a lot and we don't work as a team enough. Like I will tell ds to go to bed and dh will say it's okay, he's allowed to finish watching this thing. Constant undermining.


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#77 Janeway

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 09:41 AM

I guess I feel like if I don't get enough work done despite having appointments or whatever in the way, we will have no choice but to bring school work on our vacations. And I use the term vacation loosely. It's literally us visiting family a few times a year. We stay with them and we really don't do too much besides maybe eat out or see a movie. But when we're on vacation the niece and nephew are often around and ds just wants to be lazy. Because I know there's a lot of pushback if/when I bring school work on the trips I am trying to be pro-active and avoid that.
 

We have limited socialization so that's why I went ahead and joined the groups we're in. I do have to be somewhat selective about what activities we get involved with. Next week I signed up ds for a science thing at the science museum. The cost is really cheap and dd can still get in free for a couple more months. I told him that will be his science and we really need to try to get our other school done that morning before we go. He was agreeable to that. The event is in the afternoon.

 

Dh is trying to take some work off my shoulders by doing school with ds but I could take it or leave it since the subjects he's doing aren't my primary concern. Plus, I think he just likes the idea of homeschooling and wanted to get involved. I do think for the most part it's good that dh is doing some of that stuff.

 

I don't think this house will ever truly be baby proofed. For example, the pantry shelves are bolted to the wall, but dd can still reach for things off the shelves. I cannot only use upper shelves for storage.

 

Dh and I butt heads on a lot and we don't work as a team enough. Like I will tell ds to go to bed and dh will say it's okay, he's allowed to finish watching this thing. Constant undermining.

We listened to Story of the World in the car. We did a maps book by MCP. IF we got to the extras in the activity book, those were extra fun things but not expected as a part of the school day. We watched things like Magic School bus for science. And did science too. But I would consider that frosting too. We started our days with math, spelling, handwriting, and writing. Then had free read until lunch. The afternoons were frosting for us. If you tried this, maybe your days would go smoother. I definitely know how a toddler can mess up the day. I used Spelling Workout so other than giving the lists, the child worked alone for about 10 minutes a day on it. Same for handwriting, 5-10 minutes a day. And free reading. It was grammar or writing and math that took up my time. But the lesson portion takes not a ton and then the rest is done alone. Some days, I would teach two lessons of math and some days, he would work on two days worth of independent work. It all evened out in the end. 


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#78 heartlikealion

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 10:13 AM

We listened to Story of the World in the car. We did a maps book by MCP. IF we got to the extras in the activity book, those were extra fun things but not expected as a part of the school day. We watched things like Magic School bus for science. And did science too. But I would consider that frosting too. We started our days with math, spelling, handwriting, and writing. Then had free read until lunch. The afternoons were frosting for us. If you tried this, maybe your days would go smoother. I definitely know how a toddler can mess up the day. I used Spelling Workout so other than giving the lists, the child worked alone for about 10 minutes a day on it. Same for handwriting, 5-10 minutes a day. And free reading. It was grammar or writing and math that took up my time. But the lesson portion takes not a ton and then the rest is done alone. Some days, I would teach two lessons of math and some days, he would work on two days worth of independent work. It all evened out in the end. 

 

Yeah, I told him we're going to focus on math and language arts first. Right now I'm printing tests/quizes he didn't do well on from time4learning.com to review. Dd just settled down on the recliner to watch a Leap Frog numbers movie. We're going to try to maximize our time while she's engaged. Depending on where he is with his lessons I may be able to have him do some of the Time4Learning worksheets with the tutor. Not all lessons have worksheets.
 



#79 laundrycrisis

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 11:29 AM

You say he is constantly undermining you.    You have enough on your plate without worrying about placating him or dealing with him tearing you down.  You don't need to adjust your schedule.   Time to set some firm boundaries.   He has his job, and you have yours.   Also it's time to either add a second car, or for him to make other transportation plans on the days you have things scheduled.  What you do matters, is a big deal, and deserves his respect. 


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#80 Janeway

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 11:39 AM

Yeah, I told him we're going to focus on math and language arts first. Right now I'm printing tests/quizes he didn't do well on from time4learning.com to review. Dd just settled down on the recliner to watch a Leap Frog numbers movie. We're going to try to maximize our time while she's engaged. Depending on where he is with his lessons I may be able to have him do some of the Time4Learning worksheets with the tutor. Not all lessons have worksheets.
 

Obviously, it is your choice to continue with Time4learning, but most fulltime home schoolers quickly give up on programs like that. That is better for someone who wants something after school in freetime. You might do better to stream line in to one math program, one spelling program, one grammar, and so on. That generally provides all that a child needs and does not waste time. This might reduce your workload during the day.


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#81 heartlikealion

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 11:56 AM

You say he is constantly undermining you.    You have enough on your plate without worrying about placating him or dealing with him tearing you down.  You don't need to adjust your schedule.   Time to set some firm boundaries.   He has his job, and you have yours.   Also it's time to either add a second car, or for him to make other transportation plans on the days you have things scheduled.  What you do matters, is a big deal, and deserves his respect. 

 

Yes, we try to communicate about when I need the car, but sometimes he insists he needs it (running late, doesn't want to walk in rain, needs to carry items to office). I recently inherited my grandmother's old car, but it needs to be worked on. It's only suitable for local driving so I was going to have dh drive it to work or when he needed to go to a nearby meeting and the kids and I needed to be out of town further away. He contacted the school vehicle dept (dunno what it's called) to try to get them to work on it, but we haven't heard back. We could get free work done. We have respect issues. He thinks I don't respect him enough and vice versa. He is a workaholic and if it's not one thing it's another. He is on a board and sometimes comes home and does social media stuff or other things for what is essentially a second job. He has to go out of town to a conference next month and told me he'd have our car for a few days. I said WHAT? You cannot leave me and the kids here car-less for days. What if there's an emergency? I said if you cannot borrow a work vehicle or carpool with someone then the kids and I are tagging along (which would mean missing co-op and one of the parties which would be embarrassing since I'm on the party committee). Luckily he just got approved to use a work vehicle.

 

Obviously, it is your choice to continue with Time4learning, but most fulltime home schoolers quickly give up on programs like that. That is better for someone who wants something after school in freetime. You might do better to stream line in to one math program, one spelling program, one grammar, and so on. That generally provides all that a child needs and does not waste time. This might reduce your workload during the day.

 

A lot of families do use it, believe it or not. I'm in an active facebook group. You don't have to use it for every subject. We don't use it for them all. I think we only really did that in preK/K. We branched out to Math Mammoth starting in first grade. I have MM 1-4 here at the house even though he didn't do third grade at home. Right now I'm only asking him to access their language arts. They cover a lot and I've been happy with their language arts for the most part. Today we reviewed conjunctions and watched School House Rocks and he's going to do a couple lessons online.



#82 laundrycrisis

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 02:08 PM

😟 If the thought even crossed his mind once to leave you with the kids without any transportation for a few days, I would think he doesn't respect you at all. Sorry so blunt, but that is inexcusable. And it doesn't sound like he wants just respect, but complete control and first priority in everything. Tweaking your schedule is not going to solve that.

Edited by laundrycrisis, 14 September 2017 - 02:10 PM.

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#83 laundrycrisis

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 02:08 PM

duplicate

Edited by laundrycrisis, 14 September 2017 - 02:09 PM.


#84 desertstrawberry5

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 02:37 PM

Just to clarify, I did tell the boys in advance about Labor Day. They just didn't listen to me. And dh undermines me all the time and we've talked about it numerous times. We also share a car and sometimes he'll take the car to work (down the street) and I'll have to walk the kids down the street to retrieve it. He didn't want me to take the kids to the session the other day because he was nervous about the weather. It was saying "tropical storm" but it wasn't that bad. I walked the kids down the street and took the car to the appointment.

 

 

She doesn't have her own room. Technically the kids share a room, but it's not really set up properly. I'm still waiting on dh to help me with stuff. We need to rearrange the room. Dd sleeps in our room. None of the rooms are adequately baby proofed to leave her alone in. We set up the house this year with the goal being that the dining room was ds' school area and the living room was for dd. She has toys in there and can watch some tv or color. But it's not super organized as to when she can do what. I guess I need to set it up so when ds does math she gets to play with her Magnatiles or something. That might be good.

This would be my #1 top priority.

If it means staying up until 2 am or skipping schoolwork until it's done, or letting the shred their room while you work or dropping them off with grandma for a day or whatever. You can not be successful in a failing environment. This is so critical.

Baby proof the crap out of your house. Set it up properly.

I would cut my grocery bill down to $20 a week (I'm not exaggerating, I have done this), I would beg on Craigslist and facebook (I have done this so many times). I would build bookshelves out of cardboard boxes (I have done this, too). Whatever it takes, get it done. If you have to donate 80% of your possessions, do it. Make your space work for you. 

90% of your stress will evaporate when you have a safe, comfortable space for your children. It's that critical. You need the right tool for the job, and right now, you don't have it. It doesn't have to be pretty. It just has to work. 


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#85 heartlikealion

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 02:48 PM

😟 If the thought even crossed his mind once to leave you with the kids without any transportation for a few days, I would think he doesn't respect you at all. Sorry so blunt, but that is inexcusable. And it doesn't sound like he wants just respect, but complete control and first priority in everything. Tweaking your schedule is not going to solve that.

 

I am quite stubborn and did not want to travel during spring break. I chose to stay in town alone with no vehicle over going with dh and the two kids because I need a real break. A break wouldn't happen if I was with them. Well, the whole experience was kind of a big disaster. I was scared and our house alarm kept messing up so I had the police out to the home a couple times and experienced what either was or was similar to panic attacks. Since then I have started taking medication, attended a self defense class and we got the other car. The other car isn't working but having it parked outside makes me feel a little better if the toher car is not here. However, I would not recommend anyone staying here without a car for a few days. And last night we heard nearby gunshots. At least one murder occurred recently, too. So even dh was like yeah I think you guys would need to come with me if I don't get the car. But the fact that he initially was just like you're not going to have a car because I'm going out of town really irked me. I asked him how many beds the room has and he either just booked it or is in the process and said one king. I mean you'd think if he had us in mind he'd maybe consider a room with two beds but I don't know.

 

 

This would be my #1 top priority.

If it means staying up until 2 am or skipping schoolwork until it's done, or letting the shred their room while you work or dropping them off with grandma for a day or whatever. You can not be successful in a failing environment. This is so critical.

Baby proof the crap out of your house. Set it up properly.

I would cut my grocery bill down to $20 a week (I'm not exaggerating, I have done this), I would beg on Craigslist and facebook (I have done this so many times). I would build bookshelves out of cardboard boxes (I have done this, too). Whatever it takes, get it done. If you have to donate 80% of your possessions, do it. Make your space work for you. 

90% of your stress will evaporate when you have a safe, comfortable space for your children. It's that critical. You need the right tool for the job, and right now, you don't have it. It doesn't have to be pretty. It just has to work. 

 

I fell today carrying a load of laundry because of a toy in the dining room. I took that as the last straw. I told dh we need to put a real gate (ie wall mounted) on the other doorway that leads to the living room. Dd can stay in the living room. She constantly comes into the dining room which is supposed to be our work area and brings toys with her. It's just that one gate (it's a pressure mounted gate. We've also tried putting the coffee table there to block it) that she gets past. Yes, the rest of the home needs work, but at the very least I want a gate there. I have asked for taller shelves and a gate there for a little while. Dh didn't want me to close it off because to him she's old enough that she shouldn't be forced to stay in there. But when we let her roam it's complete chaos. I finally got some pantry shelves moved from the dining room to the office and I put some games up there that she was constantly opening up. She would take out the pawns for Sorry, etc. But there are still many things she can reach.

 

Eta: he saved some old shelves from his library that he's supposed to turn into shelves for our wall. Well he's mounted one so far and borrowed a saw from a coworker but the saw has not been used to cut the others yet. This man takes forever to do anything. I literally have the corpse of a Christmas tree from two years ago in my backyard. I am not kidding. First it was too heavy for me to take to the curb. He said he would do it. Now he says he'll do it this Christmas. I wanted to go to Home Depot for their class a couple weeks ago to learn how to use tools so maybe I could learn how to cut my own shelves. I know if you buy wood from them they will cut it for you but we already have some wood. I just need him to cut the dang thing and mount it.

 

Today has been a better day. The particular math pages were easy for ds so he did three.


Edited by heartlikealion, 14 September 2017 - 02:51 PM.


#86 _______

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 03:04 PM

nm 

 


Edited by lllllll, 21 September 2017 - 11:38 AM.

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#87 desertstrawberry5

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 03:23 PM

I guess I feel like if I don't get enough work done despite having appointments or whatever in the way, we will have no choice but to bring school work on our vacations. And I use the term vacation loosely. It's literally us visiting family a few times a year. We stay with them and we really don't do too much besides maybe eat out or see a movie. But when we're on vacation the niece and nephew are often around and ds just wants to be lazy. Because I know there's a lot of pushback if/when I bring school work on the trips I am trying to be pro-active and avoid that.
 

We have limited socialization so that's why I went ahead and joined the groups we're in. I do have to be somewhat selective about what activities we get involved with. Next week I signed up ds for a science thing at the science museum. The cost is really cheap and dd can still get in free for a couple more months. I told him that will be his science and we really need to try to get our other school done that morning before we go. He was agreeable to that. The event is in the afternoon.

 

Dh is trying to take some work off my shoulders by doing school with ds but I could take it or leave it since the subjects he's doing aren't my primary concern. Plus, I think he just likes the idea of homeschooling and wanted to get involved. I do think for the most part it's good that dh is doing some of that stuff.

 

I don't think this house will ever truly be baby proofed. For example, the pantry shelves are bolted to the wall, but dd can still reach for things off the shelves. I cannot only use upper shelves for storage.

 

Dh and I butt heads on a lot and we don't work as a team enough. Like I will tell ds to go to bed and dh will say it's okay, he's allowed to finish watching this thing. Constant undermining.

I can hear the stress and anxiety in your posts. I understand that. You are trying so so hard to make things work the way you want, but it just isn't and it is killing you. 

The first bolded paragraph is what I want to talk about. 
This is not a race. It's a long, slow walk. Long. Slow. Everyone is going to end up in roughly the same place, but the road is going to be different for everyone. 

You son is not falling behind. (Behind who? Who does he need to keep up with?) He is finding his way. His own way. 

Taking schoolwork on vacation when he should be visiting his cousins and building relationships with them, and trying to prevent him from doing that so that you can force schoolwork on him is counterproductive and harmful. This is 100% guaranteed going to burn him out and make him hate school and resent you. The only time I would do something like this is if you are planning a very long stay and there will be lots of empty hours to fill. Which you are doing neither. He NEEDS a break. So do you. He's not being lazy. He's trying desperately to unwind. He needs that. So do you. 

The second part at the bottom, I think needs to be addressed. Teamwork goes both ways. It sounds like maybe you and your DH are both kind of tightly wound. He likes things his way and you like things your way and neither of you is super skilled at compromise. I've noticed this is your past posts as well. 

 

I know a lot of people are telling you to lay the smack down on your dh. I'm going to go about it differently. You absolutely deserve respect. He should not undermine you or walk over you or disrespect you in any way. But I'm not sure that you are being very flexible. The example above is not what I would call undermining. You saying it's bedtime in the midst of something they are doing and expecting immediate obedience from both of them is not kind, loving, or reasonable. In that case, I would expect my husband to say exactly what yours did. If they are watching a show, I would not expect them to turn it off 5, 10, 15 before the end. That would be rude and unreasonably demanding. 

Similarly with the car. He needs the car. You can walk a few minutes to come get it. He's not forbidding you from talking it, right? He just needs it first, and then you can come get it. Sharing a vehicle is sucky, but sometimes you have to work that stuff out. And the road trip. If you have one car and he needs to go on a trip for work, then what option does he have but to take the car? He did remedy that situation and that's good. But I feel like being p'ed off at him for needing the car in the first place is unfair. 

My marital advice is to take a hard look at your part in this and the way you relate to each other. If you tend to fly off the handle and he tends to dictate to you, and both of you dig in your heels and that's that, well. That's not going to work.

 

You might want to spend a bit of time in quiet reflection on how you might rather humble yourself a little bit, and come alongside him. You cannot ask him to do something for you that you are not willing to do for him.

Look at how you would like things to work between you. Think of concrete examples of things you might say and do to help create the relationship you want. Likewise think of concrete things you can ask him to do for you. Be specific. Please ask me before you give DS permission. Please give us 20 minutes of attention before you start your work at home. Please spend 20 minutes with DD so that I can do personal care. Whatever you need. 

Please to not be offended by what I am saying. Yes, your husband is at fault and responsible for his own actions and for loving and caring for you. But you can only control yourself. I'm trying to help you make the changes that you can personally make. This stuff is HARD. Again, I understand. Humility hurts. I've been there. But if you want to see a change you have to start with the mirror. 

I hope that you and everyone take this in the manner in which I intend it. To be helpful and supportive. I am not blaming you. I am seeing some patterns that could stand a bit of adjustment. If you do everything you can and your husband does not respond in kind, if you ask for help and love and respect, and he denies you, that is a serious problem. But first you have to try. You have to be a partner if you want to have a partner. 

 


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#88 barnwife

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 03:44 PM

😟 If the thought even crossed his mind once to leave you with the kids without any transportation for a few days, I would think he doesn't respect you at all. Sorry so blunt, but that is inexcusable. And it doesn't sound like he wants just respect, but complete control and first priority in everything. Tweaking your schedule is not going to solve that.

This isn't exactly fair. I mean, plenty of families have only one (or no!) vehicle. My parents had to do that for a while. And they lived in the country, so it's not like my mom could take my sister and go anywhere without one. But...that's what they had to do to live within their means. So they did it. However, it was an agreed upon decision and they worked with it. They made sure my mom was able to run errands etc...

But not having a vehicle for each spouse does not equal no respect.

Okay, on to the real point of this post. I think desertstrawberry is incredibly wise. I hope you can glean some ideas to make your situation more workable from her posts (and others too).


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#89 heartlikealion

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 04:41 PM

I can hear the stress and anxiety in your posts. I understand that. You are trying so so hard to make things work the way you want, but it just isn't and it is killing you. 

The first bolded paragraph is what I want to talk about. 
This is not a race. It's a long, slow walk. Long. Slow. Everyone is going to end up in roughly the same place, but the road is going to be different for everyone. 

You son is not falling behind. (Behind who? Who does he need to keep up with?) He is finding his way. His own way. 

Taking schoolwork on vacation when he should be visiting his cousins and building relationships with them, and trying to prevent him from doing that so that you can force schoolwork on him is counterproductive and harmful. This is 100% guaranteed going to burn him out and make him hate school and resent you. The only time I would do something like this is if you are planning a very long stay and there will be lots of empty hours to fill. Which you are doing neither. He NEEDS a break. So do you. He's not being lazy. He's trying desperately to unwind. He needs that. So do you. 

The second part at the bottom, I think needs to be addressed. Teamwork goes both ways. It sounds like maybe you and your DH are both kind of tightly wound. He likes things his way and you like things your way and neither of you is super skilled at compromise. I've noticed this is your past posts as well. 

 

I know a lot of people are telling you to lay the smack down on your dh. I'm going to go about it differently. You absolutely deserve respect. He should not undermine you or walk over you or disrespect you in any way. But I'm not sure that you are being very flexible. The example above is not what I would call undermining. You saying it's bedtime in the midst of something they are doing and expecting immediate obedience from both of them is not kind, loving, or reasonable. In that case, I would expect my husband to say exactly what yours did. If they are watching a show, I would not expect them to turn it off 5, 10, 15 before the end. That would be rude and unreasonably demanding. 

Similarly with the car. He needs the car. You can walk a few minutes to come get it. He's not forbidding you from talking it, right? He just needs it first, and then you can come get it. Sharing a vehicle is sucky, but sometimes you have to work that stuff out. And the road trip. If you have one car and he needs to go on a trip for work, then what option does he have but to take the car? He did remedy that situation and that's good. But I feel like being p'ed off at him for needing the car in the first place is unfair. 

My marital advice is to take a hard look at your part in this and the way you relate to each other. If you tend to fly off the handle and he tends to dictate to you, and both of you dig in your heels and that's that, well. That's not going to work.

 

You might want to spend a bit of time in quiet reflection on how you might rather humble yourself a little bit, and come alongside him. You cannot ask him to do something for you that you are not willing to do for him.

Look at how you would like things to work between you. Think of concrete examples of things you might say and do to help create the relationship you want. Likewise think of concrete things you can ask him to do for you. Be specific. Please ask me before you give DS permission. Please give us 20 minutes of attention before you start your work at home. Please spend 20 minutes with DD so that I can do personal care. Whatever you need. 

Please to not be offended by what I am saying. Yes, your husband is at fault and responsible for his own actions and for loving and caring for you. But you can only control yourself. I'm trying to help you make the changes that you can personally make. This stuff is HARD. Again, I understand. Humility hurts. I've been there. But if you want to see a change you have to start with the mirror. 

I hope that you and everyone take this in the manner in which I intend it. To be helpful and supportive. I am not blaming you. I am seeing some patterns that could stand a bit of adjustment. If you do everything you can and your husband does not respond in kind, if you ask for help and love and respect, and he denies you, that is a serious problem. But first you have to try. You have to be a partner if you want to have a partner. 

 

 

My son has some struggles, but I have no reason to believe he isn't capable of finishing a grade level of math in a school year. That is what I mean by behind. I don't want us doing 4th grade math past 4th grade unless we need to review or we need to add in other math to supplement/build in math fact practice or whatever and that throws us off. But in general I have no reason to believe we can't accomplish it and so for me it feels behind if we're not doing roughly 10 page a week.

 

Ok the movie/tv thing? Well I didn't explain that very well. I may say please go to bed, they may say we will after this is over. Countless times I have woken up to use the restroom and found dh conked out on the recliner and ds wide awake watching Netflix or Youtube at like 2am. It's insane. Dh is a terrible bed time enforcer and I'm not the best. So if we could both just say, "ok go to bed" and mean it and enforce it, I wouldn't have to deal with the crankiness I have in the morning from ds who is just plain awful in the morning. Dh drove ds to school sometimes last year and it was really bad. I guess you could call it meltdowns. But now I'm a little more chill about it and let him sleep in a bit if he truly seems exhausted.

 

I'm bitter about the car because after my grandma died I was given that car. I made it all the way to my house (a few hours) and it survived. The trip was hard on the car and we had to slow down some, but we made it. I jumped through hoops to get the title (they gave us wrong info on how to handle signing over a title when someone is deceased). I got the new car tag, too. I dug out ds' old car seat from my in-laws' attic and ordered replacement straps so I could have a carseat in the spare car. Then dh drives it ONCE (I hadn't even swapped insurance on it yet) and tells me the handle broke off the front door and he couldn't get the brake lights to turn off. He pulled out some wires or something to force the brake lights off. So yeah, I was like what did you do, manhandle the door? He says no, it was just that brittle. But dh doesn't know his own strength so who knows.

 

And us needing to walk down the street to get the car? Well that can be especially irritating when your dh doesn't answer his phone so you don't know if he went to the post office yet or whatever he said he would do while he had the car. So there have been many times I didn't know if I should walk down the street to retrieve the car to do the thing.

 

No, I'm not perfect. But I'm the one taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist. If dh will go to counseling for me I have to figure out the babysitting and locate a marriage counselor in his network and set up the appointment and get him to go.

 

The cousin thing? He sees his cousins when they get picked up after school (if it's a time when they are in school) so he has all morning to do some school. But he doesn't usually. And then the cousins don't spend the night so he could do some during a quiet time in the evening, like even just some reading, but that doesn't usually happen. For the most part I leave him alone at my in-laws' so he has plenty of time to see his cousins during their visits. I don't like him to be at my in-laws' right before we go to Mass if the cousins are coming over because then it is awful trying to get him out of the house. Dh and dd don't usually go to church with us.


 



#90 heartlikealion

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 04:47 PM


Taking schoolwork on vacation when he should be visiting his cousins and building relationships with them, and trying to prevent him from doing that so that you can force schoolwork on him is counterproductive and harmful. This is 100% guaranteed going to burn him out and make him hate school and resent you. The only time I would do something like this is if you are planning a very long stay and there will be lots of empty hours to fill. Which you are doing neither. He NEEDS a break. So do you. He's not being lazy. He's trying desperately to unwind. He needs that. So do you. 

 

 

Also, what do you define as a long stay? Dh gets 2-3 weeks off for Christmas. We may go for a week or two sometimes. We get a full week off for Thanksgiving. I do consider that a long stay when the kids are just sitting around the house looking at TV and playing with toys much of the time. In the past it's been even worse trying to get him to cooperate to do school (it waxes and wanes but I think it's getting better) so it felt like he didn't need a break... because he was not doing the bare minimum on a regular basis.
 



#91 Arcadia

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 05:11 PM

The example above is not what I would call undermining. You saying it's bedtime in the midst of something they are doing and expecting immediate obedience from both of them is not kind, loving, or reasonable. In that case, I would expect my husband to say exactly what yours did. If they are watching a show, I would not expect them to turn it off 5, 10, 15 before the end. That would be rude and unreasonably demanding.

In my home, the TV show is undermining and my husband had to deal with an unintended mess this morning from delaying bedtime.
Our kids are supposed to sleep at 9pm on weekdays so that my early bird DS11 can have enough sleep. My husband sometimes turn on the TV at 8:30pm and doesn't turn it off at 9pm despite me reminding everyone it's bedtime for our kids. So this morning sleepyhead DS11 drop his cup of milk during breakfast and my husband cleaned up the mess. DS11 was half awake and was as good as sleepwalking so it doesn't make sense to make him clean up. We have to leave for an outside class for both boys this morning so we couldn't let DS11 sleep in. Kids slept on the car ride.

My husband gets a reminder at around 8pm and around 8:30pm that kids need to be in bed at 9pm because they take quite long to fall asleep even when they are tired. Kids fall sleep at 9pm whenever my husband works late and come home around 10pm and then he gets surprised that they are sound asleep. My husband is just oblivious to bedtime since he doesn't have to deal with cranky kids in the morning as he is at work. When he has to deal with cranky kids, he gets annoyed and then he remembers that he didn't chase them to bed the night before.

So while my husband may not be intentionally undermining, it has that effect. He was scolded by his parents for that when they stayed over for not enforcing bedtime. His parents and siblings all enforce bedtimes so it's just his habit. He is also habitually late and our kid was nearly late for his exam. So his problem is likely the issue/concept of time.

ETA:
My husband is very supportive but anything with a time aspect like getting to the exam venue, or paying bills, or filing taxes, or dental appointments have to be done by me. DS11 is similar in having no sense of time.

Edited by Arcadia, 14 September 2017 - 05:19 PM.

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#92 heartlikealion

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 05:15 PM

In my home, the TV show is undermining and my husband had to deal with an unintended mess this morning from delaying bedtime.
Our kids are supposed to sleep at 9pm on weekdays so that my early bird DS11 can have enough sleep. My husband sometimes turn on the TV at 8:30pm and doesn't turn it off at 9pm despite me reminding everyone it's bedtime for our kids. So this morning sleepyhead DS11 drop his cup of milk during breakfast and my husband cleaned up the mess. DS11 was half awake and was as good as sleepwalking so it doesn't make sense to make him clean up. We have to leave for an outside class for both boys this morning so we couldn't let DS11 sleep in. Kids slept on the car ride.

My husband gets a reminder at around 8pm and around 8:30pm that kids need to be in bed at 9pm because they take quite long to fall asleep even when they are tired. Kids fall sleep at 9pm whenever my husband works late and come home around 10pm and then he gets surprised that they are sound asleep. My husband is just oblivious to bedtime since he doesn't have to deal with cranky kids in the morning as he is at work. When he has to deal with cranky kids, he gets annoyed and then he remembers that he didn't chase them to bed the night before.

So while my husband may not be intentionally undermining, it has that effect. He was scolded by his parents for that when they stayed over for not enforcing bedtime. His parents and siblings all enforce bedtimes so it's just his habit. He is also habitually late and our kid was nearly late for his exam. So his problem is likely the issue/concept of time.

 

Dh always has something he wants to watch and it may be his show and ds is just in the room. Then ds says he wants to watch it, too. Sometimes it's shows I don't even want ds to watch. Does my 9 yr old really need to stay in the room for The Last Man on Earth? Another re-run of The Walking Dead? I've had fights with dh about tv a million times. I recently explicitly told him he can wait til the kids are out of the room to turn on Game of Thrones. Ds does not need to walk by and see that!!



#93 laundrycrisis

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 05:50 PM

Not one day - days. IMO, totally and completely off the rocker unacceptable to even suggest that the person with the kids should just be okay with being stranded with them for days. Unless you are in a safe walkable area with other means of transportation available, being stranded like that night and day for days is not okay at all.

This isn't exactly fair. I mean, plenty of families have only one (or no!) vehicle. My parents had to do that for a while. And they lived in the country, so it's not like my mom could take my sister and go anywhere without one. But...that's what they had to do to live within their means. So they did it. However, it was an agreed upon decision and they worked with it. They made sure my mom was able to run errands etc...

But not having a vehicle for each spouse does not equal no respect.

Okay, on to the real point of this post. I think desertstrawberry is incredibly wise. I hope you can glean some ideas to make your situation more workable from her posts (and others too).


Edited by laundrycrisis, 14 September 2017 - 05:50 PM.

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#94 Where's Toto?

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:17 PM

A lot of families do use it, believe it or not. I'm in an active facebook group. You don't have to use it for every subject. We don't use it for them all. I think we only really did that in preK/K. We branched out to Math Mammoth starting in first grade. I have MM 1-4 here at the house even though he didn't do third grade at home. Right now I'm only asking him to access their language arts. They cover a lot and I've been happy with their language arts for the most part. Today we reviewed conjunctions and watched School House Rocks and he's going to do a couple lessons online.

 

We used T4L when I first went back to work a few years ago.  My mother was watching the kids but didn't feel able to "teach" them at all, I was too tired to do even a little bit of school with them after work and weekends were impossible.  They both progressed quite a bit doing it, were able to jump back into MM at an advanced point, and dd actually learned to read (finally!) while doing it.  So, I don't think there's anything wrong with using T4L at all and if it works well for you son, especially if he can do even parts of it independently, I might use it even more.

 

I'm sorry but I think your main problem is your husband.  He seems to have no concept (and no sympathy) for what you are dealing with.  IMO, first priority is to tell him to get off your back, stop undermining and contradicting you, and butt out of the homeschooling decisions.

 

Second, I would probably take a step back and evaluate what's working and what's not.  Hopefully the evaluations will give some insight onto what may work better and what you should avoid.  Until the evaluations are done, I would stick with math and language arts, do science and social studies with T4L and some extra reading from the library or videos online.  Not ideal but he's 9 and a brief time of taking things lighter won't hurt in the long run. 

 

Take a look at whats getting done at co-op, what's getting done decently on T4L, and don't duplicate effort.  



#95 Where's Toto?

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:19 PM

This would be my #1 top priority.

If it means staying up until 2 am or skipping schoolwork until it's done, or letting the shred their room while you work or dropping them off with grandma for a day or whatever. You can not be successful in a failing environment. This is so critical.

Baby proof the crap out of your house. Set it up properly.

I would cut my grocery bill down to $20 a week (I'm not exaggerating, I have done this), I would beg on Craigslist and facebook (I have done this so many times). I would build bookshelves out of cardboard boxes (I have done this, too). Whatever it takes, get it done. If you have to donate 80% of your possessions, do it. Make your space work for you. 

90% of your stress will evaporate when you have a safe, comfortable space for your children. It's that critical. You need the right tool for the job, and right now, you don't have it. It doesn't have to be pretty. It just has to work. 

:iagree:  with this too.



#96 Ausmumof3

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:24 PM

Just to clarify, I did tell the boys in advance about Labor Day. They just didn't listen to me. And dh undermines me all the time and we've talked about it numerous times. We also share a car and sometimes he'll take the car to work (down the street) and I'll have to walk the kids down the street to retrieve it. He didn't want me to take the kids to the session the other day because he was nervous about the weather. It was saying "tropical storm" but it wasn't that bad. I walked the kids down the street and took the car to the appointment.


She doesn't have her own room. Technically the kids share a room, but it's not really set up properly. I'm still waiting on dh to help me with stuff. We need to rearrange the room. Dd sleeps in our room. None of the rooms are adequately baby proofed to leave her alone in. We set up the house this year with the goal being that the dining room was ds' school area and the living room was for dd. She has toys in there and can watch some tv or color. But it's not super organized as to when she can do what. I guess I need to set it up so when ds does math she gets to play with her Magnatiles or something. That might be good.


I might totally be misunderstanding this situation but you are saying your DH took the car because he didn't want you to go somewhere? That is not healthy behaviour. Can you get him to go to counselling or something?

Forgive me if I misinterpreted what you said though.

#97 Where's Toto?

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:31 PM

Okay, just one more comment.  4th grade is HARD.  Dd has always been at or slightly above grade level.  We spent all summer doing 4th grade math and still didn't technically finish.  We are moving to a different program where the things we didn't get to are covered in the beginning so we are going to make sure a few things are very clear (mainly multiplication) then just move on to 5th grade math.

 

Math Mammoth in 4th grade put dd in tears.  The pages get a lot more busy, with a lot more problems.  She just couldn't focus down on the problems I circled.  It was too much for her.  If you do a search here you will see a lot of kids have trouble with MM starting around 4th grade.  


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#98 brehon

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:37 PM

Have you posted about your son's struggles on the Learning Challanges board? The parents on that board are extremely knowledgeable about many different learning disabilities and can give you lots of helpful advice. Don't minimize your son's struggles, though, if you post there. And I think you are minimizing them a bit when you say that you believe he can finish the math book in a year, but also say he has processing problems, for instance.

Anyway, I think desertstrawberry5 is spot on. And the ladies on the LC board will probably be very helpful as you tease out what's going on with your son.
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#99 Laurel-in-CA

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:48 PM

I am hearing a lot of mutual respect issues as this thread goes on. Without spouse-bashing, I do think it is fair to ask that the workspace you are in all day with the kids (that is, the house) be a project that gets immediate attention from both of you. Not just health and safety are at issue, but also peace and productivity. I'm not sure of the best method to get that to happen. Leave dh with kids and do it yourself? Start it yourself and embarrass dh into participation (this was my mother's method; I don't recommend it)? Hire it done--local handyman (this can be a real relief for all parties)? Hire a babysitter so it can get done? Beg friends to help and have a room setup party? You choose, but babyproofing, baby gate, and quiet, safe bedroom space should be priorities. They would be, to me anyway, indications that my husband respected me and the work I was doing for our family.

 

So should safe transportation, IMHO. We've had one-car times and I never felt comfortable with it, but it was better when I had a plan (someone to call for help or, in your case, walk to pick up the car). 

 

I also had an argumentative boy, not necessarily with special needs (altho' we ended up doing vision therapy with him), and he is now an argumentative young man, altho' he's learned to control it much better. What worked with him was a daily checklist -- each subject, # of pages, check it off when done, show your checklist to Dad. Read aloud time was on the checklist, but I decided what it would be. Also that way, Dad can see what *he* does is only part of the package when he checks it off the list for that day. But be realistic and be sure Dad will be excited and positive when he sees everything checked off and not too crushing when a subject doesn't get done.

 

My littlest one spent a lot of time standing on a chair at the kitchen sink "measuring" water and "mixing" it in bowls. Lots and lots of water because that was what worked for her. For another kid, it would have been drawing. For your little one, it sounds like physical activity and time w/mom, so I'd think hard about what subjects your son could work on independently or with initial review of instructions, giving you 10-15 min. for the little one, then back to ds (no, honey, you play with xyz, this is big brother's time, your time is in 15 minutes, here's a timer). That partly depends on her having a specific, safe area for independent play. And I would try to find one subject where she could sit at the table with big brother and do something there, giving her the feeling of participation and equal attention from mom.

 

You keep saying you are not good at.....bed times, making him do his stuff, managing the toddler, etc. All these things are hard for most moms, but we work to get better at them over time. So pick one thing, like bedtime, and announce you are sticking to your guns, and then stick to them and if you don't admit the mistake and stick to them again. Only you know what that first thing needs to be. And please, DO look at the things you are good at, too. They ARE there!!

 

Oh, and the co-op plus evaluation plus driving -- that's more than enough for the day. Seriously. Plan a movie for the night with popcorn or something to celebrate surviving and thriving. And there's a reason my kids still know the theme songs from Between the Lions and Cyberchase....those were our go-to shows for when mom was exhausted. At least I didn't have to feel bad about napping to those.

 

I hope some of these ideas help. You sound really stressed and in need of some positive changes, but you are the best one to figure out what will work for you.

 


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#100 Homeschool Mom in AZ

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:55 PM

Wow.  So many layers to this! Based on what I think I understand in the posts, I have so many questions:

1. If he works walking distance from the house, why can't you just drop him off at work and pick him up so you can keep the car on days you need it or every day? It seems to me to be a simple, obvious solution.  I know a handful of homeschoolers who have done this with up to 30 minute commutes each day and up to half a dozen kids in tow. I've been though incredibly complicated car sharing (2 young adults + 2 parents sharing 3 cars) all with different work and school schedules.  It was tricky, but with communication, a shared calendar, and planning, we managed to do it for a year without anger and resentment. You have the power to discuss that your husband and ask why that couldn't work or why you should be stuck at home with the kids when there's such a simple solution that gets him to work and home (what he needs) and you driving the kids (what you need.)

2. If 2 math pages is a reasonable expectation then why don't you just do 2 pages of math a day?  You're the adult with all the power in that situation.  What's stopping you from dropping dad off at work, driving home, putting something educational or wholesomely entertaining on a screen for youngest and saying, "OK son, time to do math." ? Let oldest take break while you give youngest some one on one attention. Then have youngest play in her room while you do reading with your son.  Let oldest take a short break and give youngest some one on one attention. Then having youngest in the room with you playing with toys while you do writing or whatever with your son. If youngest gets loud and disruptive tell her to be quiet or she'll need to play in her room.  Then enforce that. Pick her up and move her to her room and close the door.  Do it as many times as necessary and be consistent.  A dozen or more times a day if necessary. You have the power to do that.

3. If your husband isn't aware of time, why not set an alarm on his phone or a clock in the house to go off whenever you decide bedtime is?  Why isn't one hour before bedtime the latest time tv starts for kids? Don't remind them it's bedtime, tell to go to bed.  If they don't go to bed then physically pick them up and put them in the bed. If they get out, pick them up again and put them in bed again.  Repeat until they stay. If they cry, oh well, sometimes kids cry when they have to go to bed.  They'll live. You have the power to do that.

4. Why are vacation days with family spent doing school?  You said it's only a few weeks a year, so why can't school get done in the other weeks of the year? There are 52 weeks in a year.  If you have 3 of those weeks off and major holidays, that should be more than enough time to get a year's worth of school in somehow. You have to power to do that.

5. If dad wants to not have kids doing school after work hours, why not do the schooling during work hours?  Start as soon as you're back from dropping him off at work and keep at it until it's done before you do anything else. You have the power to do that.

6. If the house hasn't been babyproofed in the 2 years since your youngest was born, why not just babyproof the house today?  Or tomorrow? I've babyproofed my own 3 times (once to meet the government standards of both the state of AZ and the government of South Korea) and have helped a relative babyproof when they got a relative's toddler on a few days' notice.  If the house hasn't been physically arranged for homeschooling, why not do that this weekend? Most homeschoolers have done that.  If your husband can't help, call a friend or relative. You have power to do that.

7. If your child is in the room where adult content is on the screen, why not physically remove the child to another part of the house and have him entertain himself or read to him or something? You're not suggesting your husband would be upset if you removed the child from that situation are you? You have the power to do that.

8.  Why are you doing school on vacations and family visits? Everyone needs time off.  I think it's actually kind of rude to go visiting the relatives and then deny the children interaction with cousins and aunts and uncles.  Family time is family time, not school time.  You need time completely off.  Your husband needs time completely off.  Your kids need time completely off. That's what vacation/holidays are for.  Use that time accordingly.  Figure out what days are days off and enjoy dad doing things with the kids so you can have a break. You have the power to do that.

9. Why schedule appointments during school hours?  Other people with kids who have ongoing medical issues schedule after their kids get home from ps and private school.  You can do that too and keep your mornings available for academics. You have the power to do that.

I guess I just don't understand what's stopping you from doing what needs doing in each situation.  Is there some other extenuating circumstance you haven't mentioned? I can't imagine what it would be, so you'll just have to tell me.

 


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