Jump to content


What's with the ads?

Photo
- - - - -

Does your partner expect homeschooling to be done at a certain time?


156 replies to this topic

What's with the ads?

#1 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:39 PM

You don't have to read below, but you can if you want back story. I just want to know if your spouse expects homeschooling to be over before they get home and/or weekends/holidays? Do you ever butt heads on this stuff?

 

There are many days where I just cannot get things done while dh is gone so I try to do some schooling when he's home. This does not always go over well. His expectations are that schooling is done by X:00. He tells ds school is done for the day or sometimes that there is no school (ie. Labor Day) even though I had told them both I wanted us to do some school that day. This puts me in an awkward position. He wanted all work done by noon and I told him that's too hard for us but he says he doesn't want ds doing any school after he comes home from work (which some days is around 5 and the other days ds is supposed to already be asleep because it's later). And just for the record, Labor Day was meant to help us catch up. With co-op, appointments, and just poor planning mixed, it's been hard to get even the basics done some days. I've tried adding more math pages per day to help us out.

 

I could understand if our children were older, but given the circumstances I think it's really hard for me to do everything sometimes. For example, today I tried to explain some math on the white board to ds (age 9). As I'm trying to write my toddler is literally taking the eraser and trying to wipe the board. We had a bit of a struggle as I tried to get her to sit down and not touch the board. So much of the day is like that. We haven't touched Mystery Science lately because I sit down by ds and we discuss the content. It's hard with his sister interrupting constantly or worse getting into trouble. I can give her blocks, crayons, a show to watch, etc. but it doesn't usually buy us too much time. She doesn't even nap daily and when she does it's usually so late in the day it is not helpful. Dh installed a tall shelf for me which has a globe and some colored pencils and erasers and such. She's already been caught sliding the dining room chair up to it and reaching for items. She's a wild child.

 

What's funny to me is when dh goes into work late he does some school with ds and has trouble with dd interrupting them so when I said I had to run an errand the other morning he was like, "what? Now? I'm trying to homeschool ds." I said, "yeah, and what do you think I'm trying to do all week with them both here?" lol I did NOT want to take dd so I could go pay the water bill and pick up a bunch of packages at the PO box. The bill cannot be paid online. I ran my local errands and came home, but I have more to run later this week and I'll probably have to take the kids like when I turn in our homeschooling form.

 

Sometimes I try to play catch up on the weekend but I can't get cooperation. The guys think it's just chill and put off all work til later. One weekend night I kid you not dh kept saying he was going to install the dishwasher and that ds was going to help him so I should wait til after that to work with ds. They didn't even install it that day.

 

Now ds is complaining off/on that it hurts to read. He's not reading daily like I want him to. He doesn't need glasses for up close work but he has a bad habit of not wearing them when he should. Oh and he literally just broke the frames the other day so now I have to try to redeem the warranty. I feel like I'm so behind and the year has just begun. He has a tutor twice a week, but we had to cancel last week because we were returning late to town after a dr appt. and she had to cancel today. I send him with reading comprehension and Worldy Wise and Daily Grams to with her because that really requires some quiet time and he struggles with reading comp.



#2 HomeAgain

HomeAgain

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3391 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:51 PM

Dh doesn't expect it to all be done while he's at work, no, but I find that to be my preference. 

 

I have to treat this area like I'm in charge.  Each week I print out the lesson plan and put it on a clipboard.  It's very easy to see what needs to be done each day.  And I wouldn't take kindly to dh overstepping and telling ds7 that it's not a school day, when, yes, it is.  It would bring out my very firm voice and being no-nonsense about it.

 

That said, I do keep the work flexible.  Ds got some work done while dh was around this morning.  Sometimes we take it to the patio or another room, sometimes not.  We do the bulk of it while dh is at work, though, because it's just easier - even days like today where we're currently on dinner break before getting back to finish the last few items.


  • mamaraby and heartlikealion like this

#3 Arctic Mama

Arctic Mama

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12626 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:54 PM

We used to get it done by noon, then 2:00, then 3:00. I told him recently that school from noon to 6:00 was what was getting done until the baby sleeps better. By telling him how it's going with the present circumstances it has helped us set expectations.

He doesn't micromanage my time at all, but I know he likes having a vague idea of what to expect. And if we aren't done when he gets home he doesn't care, really, as long as the whole night doesn't go late.

#4 AK_Mom4

AK_Mom4

    Empress Bee of Bacon

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6565 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:55 PM

Yes. When the kids were little, we needed to be done by the time DH put dinner on the table at 6pm (he cooks). The kids usually had evening activities so it just made sense.

Now that it's just DD16 at home, we can do some work in the evening. However, she still has lots of activities in the evening so we try to be done by 5pm if at all possible.

#5 Carrie12345

Carrie12345

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11257 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:56 PM

No, not in general.  There are activities that the kids have with dh a few times a week, so we do need to make sure we wrap things up or get home without dawdling so they don't miss their next "thing", but that's logistics.

 

Dh works from home a LOT, so he's used to school around him. Plus, the kids like for him to see what they're doing.

 

In theory, I do think it's good to have a rough cut-off time, even though I don't have one.  Dh doesn't have one for work, and it certainly does annoy me sometimes.  I can't see why the same thing wouldn't happen in reverse. But flexibility is needed.



#6 Tangerine

Tangerine

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2123 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:57 PM

No, he doesn't.  But, as HomeAgain said, that happens to be how I prefer it.  With the information you've given, if my DH saw my frustration as it sounds like you might have, and did those things despite how it impacted my domain (which is kind of how we see teaching I haven't delegated to DH), then it would impact our relationship.  Does he think you're overly strident, that you're expecting too much, and this is how he's approaching that?  Or does he just have a set of expectations about how the hours in the day should be spent that is different from yours?  Because if you're doing the work, I think you kinda get to pick how it works best for the ones involved.


  • mamaraby and Jyhwkmama like this

#7 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:58 PM

Dh doesn't expect it to all be done while he's at work, no, but I find that to be my preference. 

 

I have to treat this area like I'm in charge.  Each week I print out the lesson plan and put it on a clipboard.  It's very easy to see what needs to be done each day.  And I wouldn't take kindly to dh overstepping and telling ds7 that it's not a school day, when, yes, it is.  It would bring out my very firm voice and being no-nonsense about it.

 

That said, I do keep the work flexible.  Ds got some work done while dh was around this morning.  Sometimes we take it to the patio or another room, sometimes not.  We do the bulk of it while dh is at work, though, because it's just easier - even days like today where we're currently on dinner break before getting back to finish the last few items.

 

Yes, it is very irritating. When we go on vacation I can't get the cooperation I need half the time, either. Sometimes I will "steal" ds and go to my parents' home for a few hours and do some school there because if I leave him at my in-laws my neice and nephew interfere with schooling. Ds will whine he doesn't want to do school because they are there. Dh will say, "it's vacation!" and I'm the bad guy. I have left work there and visited my parents only to return and find out they didn't do the work. I really need dh to be on the same page more. We are accidental homeschoolers and I don't mind doing the stuff like math but I need to be able to do it without constant interruptions. I don't outsource math because the tutor is not as comfortable with math and is an English major so it makes sense to give her the other stuff. I have thought about finding someone else for math but then I'd have to come up with a new arrangement and payment and all that. It's just easier for me to do the math I think.
 



#8 Rach

Rach

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3910 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:59 PM

We've never really had a discussion about it. I personally want school done before he gets home, but I prefer schoolwork to be done before we do anything else. I also don't have a toddler that I'm trying to entertain.

#9 barnwife

barnwife

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 820 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:00 PM

Ha ha ha...No. I am pretty certain he'd be fine with total unschooling at this point (our oldest just turned 7). Therefore he has no expectations time-wise.

FWIW, we have a now mobile baby. Between his awful sleep and mobility, school takes all day. By which I mean, we do a little school, do something else, do something else school-ish, do something else, do more school...you get the idea.

I



#10 hjffkj

hjffkj

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6054 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:01 PM

Dh has zero expectations about homeschooling. He trusts me 100% to schedule, plan , and implement. I do not school when he is home 90% of the time because if he is home it is family time. The days I do school when he's home is because I've been so busy with other stuff and we are really behind. But dh also likes to be a part of the schooling so he will work on phonics with dd and will ask what specific things they are working on so he can just sit with then and teach it his way.

If my dh was acting like yours I'd be inclined to put my kids in school. I wouldn't be able to handle the non teaching parent trying to control what works for the teaching parent.
  • dirty ethel rackham, Anne, Lune and 7 others like this

#11 Sherry in OH

Sherry in OH

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2078 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:04 PM

Dh is a major distraction so I try not to school when he is home.   If I know he will be home early or has off a day we must school, I plan science experiments.  Dh loves to take the lead in those.  He is also good at supervising instrument practice and loves field trips.  Otherwise, school only gets done if dh is willing to stay behind closed doors.

 

 

 


  • lllllll and Dust like this

#12 nixpix5

nixpix5

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1162 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:07 PM

DH has never mentioned any preference to me. We tend to be done somewhere between noon and 2pm but if I missed a Rightstart lesson that day or didn't get to our meet the masters art lesson then I have been known to so it in the evening or on the weekend. DH usually tag teams with me if this happens. I just put him to work :) I had to go into the clinic a couple mornings back for an infected tooth issue and he took over the morning routine for me. The kids just explained to him how to do it haha :)

I came back and everybody was so independent he said "I thought your job was hard but this homeschool thing runs itself" and then winked at me before I annihilated him :)

Quite honestly, I would be frustrated if DH put expectations on what I see as my job when I don't do it to his job. I could see if it was cutting into his time with the kids everyday but otherwise I would expect some flexibility and understanding.
  • CES2005 likes this

#13 CES2005

CES2005

    Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 971 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:08 PM

Nope!  I have free reign, zero oversight, and unless we're insanely loud when he's home, I think he's fine with whatever we do, whenever and however we do it.  But, in exchange for all of that, he doesn't jump in and help out with school stuff either.  I'd have to figure out what I needed help with and assign specific tasks and time slots...and by that time, it's easier if I just do it myself.  But also, if there's slack I've left for whatever reason (forgot to feed the dogs, or make the bed), he'll either pick it up or live with it, depending on how strongly he feels about it.  Otherwise he's pretty much a free agent--his job and disposition both sort of require that.


  • ScoutTN likes this

#14 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:09 PM

No, he doesn't.  But, as HomeAgain said, that happens to be how I prefer it.  With the information you've given, if my DH saw my frustration as it sounds like you might have, and did those things despite how it impacted my domain (which is kind of how we see teaching I haven't delegated to DH), then it would impact our relationship.  Does he think you're overly strident, that you're expecting too much, and this is how he's approaching that?  Or does he just have a set of expectations about how the hours in the day should be spent that is different from yours?  Because if you're doing the work, I think you kinda get to pick how it works best for the ones involved.

 

Yes, I feel like it impacts the relationship. And it's not til he actually spends one on one time with ds that he realizes the issues ds has. Ds is currently undergoing testing to help me get to the root of it. Dh isn't really on board with that, but I didn't do it behind his back and he knows what's going on.

 

As I type this dh sent me a text asking if my son as on the way to the library where he gets tutored. Umm what? He told me she canceled one day this week and I thought it was today so I asked him earlier today and I texted he earlier today but neither gave me a response. Ugh.



#15 Ausmumof3

Ausmumof3

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4717 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:13 PM

DH doesn't expect that and will back me up if I'm asking them to do work to catch up.

That said as a general rule I try to avoid it because I think there is more types of learning than what is found in books and if kids are helping DH with a maintenance task they are often learning stuff I just couldn't teach myself. Plus I want to be done and enjoy his company.

I would shoot for getting maths and literacy stuff done no matter what but if it's science or history I'd plan to let it roll over to another day.

#16 QueenCat

QueenCat

    Queen of the Palapa

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9508 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:21 PM

No. It would bode very well if dh had tried to dictate something like to me when we were still homeschooling. Thankfully, he wouldn't dream of doing so. I did personally prefer to be done, because of evening activities. In high school, reading and studying were expected on the weekend but I made sure that they didn't conflict with scouts, family stuff, etc.



#17 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:24 PM

Dh has zero expectations about homeschooling. He trusts me 100% to schedule, plan , and implement. I do not school when he is home 90% of the time because if he is home it is family time. The days I do school when he's home is because I've been so busy with other stuff and we are really behind. But dh also likes to be a part of the schooling so he will work on phonics with dd and will ask what specific things they are working on so he can just sit with then and teach it his way.

If my dh was acting like yours I'd be inclined to put my kids in school. I wouldn't be able to handle the non teaching parent trying to control what works for the teaching parent.

 

Well, I did put ds in school last year. I dug my heels into the ground and said that I couldn't get the cooperation I needed and was too overwhelmed with dd (cooperate from ds but also just the support I needed all around I guess).

 

He does do some schooling this year. He discusses history (World history) with a book and documentaries. I do some US History. This week I've been having him read What Were the Twin Towers and we've still got lessons left over in our Elemental History curriculum. They also do culinary arts. They have made a few things and discussed cookware. Later they are supposed to start going outside and do some archery. I hope they do that soon, I thought they would have by now.

 

Some of the days dh would school him he can't because I take him to co-op twice a month. I like co-op but don't consider it a replacement for a full subject load.
 



#18 Anne

Anne

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1930 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:26 PM

I think you need to sit down with him (without the children) and discuss this with him (perhaps again!). Lay it out for him more or less the way you've laid it out for us, particularly the difficulties that your little one creates in school time. Come to some agreement and put it in writing so that you can both refer to it.

I would not have been able to homeschool my children if my dh had micromanaged my activities and undermined my plans. That said, I did try to have schooling mostly done before he got home, b/c he was such a distraction! :-)

Your dh sounds as if he's willing, but perhaps unfocused about the difficulties.

Anne
  • mamaraby and trulycrabby like this

#19 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:34 PM

DH doesn't expect that and will back me up if I'm asking them to do work to catch up.

That said as a general rule I try to avoid it because I think there is more types of learning than what is found in books and if kids are helping DH with a maintenance task they are often learning stuff I just couldn't teach myself. Plus I want to be done and enjoy his company.

I would shoot for getting maths and literacy stuff done no matter what but if it's science or history I'd plan to let it roll over to another day.

 

You sound like me. My main concerns are math and English/language arts but like I said I feel like we've been slacking because not enough independent reading lately. Like I said I think part of that is him complaining. Like today he complained that his voice hurt so he didn't want to read. I said what does that matter? Read silently. He said he prefers to read aloud; it helps him. That may be true. He did later agree to read for 20 min. I told him if he did it would count as his history for today.

 

For math I told him the deal. I said look, we have X number of pages to complete for this year. In order to do that, we should really be doing about 2 pages per day. Given the fact that some days you did none or one, we should try to do more. That means either more per day or adding in some on Saturdays (or both). He's a numbers person, so I think that may help him grasp the situation better than me saying, "we're falling behind in math." lol Behind is so relative of course. Now part of that is my fault (the math being pushed off) but regardless, we gotta figure a way to get it done. We've been leaving the house for a few hours a couple times a week lately. And not all for fun stuff.

 

Ideally we will start getting on a better schedule. I don't want Saturday to require school. That's actually the day I do a little prep for my Sunday school class I help teach.



#20 Homeschool Mom in AZ

Homeschool Mom in AZ

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5027 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:35 PM

We school first thing after breakfast and self-care is done starting at 9:00 until about 3:00 because: 

1. that's when the kids and I are mentally, physically and emotionally fresher
2. we have a "work first, then play" policy
3. it's harder to get my kids focused on school after they've been playing
4. we have activities in the afternoon/evenings some nights
5. that's when other relatives and neighbor kids are schooling, so they're free play with mine in the afternoon, evenings, weekends, holidays

6. my husband is free to spend time with the kids after hours (He works from home but interacts with co-workers on site during regular business hours.) If I had been away from my kids all day I would be irritated if he had them doing school during the time I was available to spend time with them.

He's not helping with the homeschooling at this time. When my older two were at middle/high school levels he did science and math with them.  I didn't tell him how to do his job and he didn't tell me how to do mine.  His had to happen after work and occasionally on weekends, so if I wasn't done it would be a problem.  But I was usually done earlier because of it.

We have a general discussion at the end of the year and before planning the new school year about our goals and concerns.  Then we discuss how we plan to address them.  I answer questions about schooling when asked.

I schedule appointments for myself and the kid in the afternoons that we don't have activities except in rare situations because at my house, school time comes first.

I sometimes used screen time strategically with the youngest when the older two (7 and 9 year older) needed intensive time with mom.  I used things that weren't completely mom dependent so I could walk away.  I carefully prioritized the most important subjects and concepts and did those first, so if I needed to let the rest of school go that day, I could do so in good conscience. I also did a lot of subject integration so I was killing two birds with one stone.  Make narration and scribing about a science reading and you can mark off Language Arts and Science with one assignment. 

Way too many parents tolerate kids who interrupt.  I can't count how many times a kid has been allowed to interrupt with nothing important if they say excuse me first.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with looking an interrupting kid in the eye and saying, "Not now.  Find something else to do while I'm talking." If they do it again you can then physically pick them up and move them to the other side of the room next to the toys or into a nearby room with things to do or whatever.  They will not be emotionally damaged by being told, "Not now. Later." and enforcing it if it's not a truly urgent need. 

 


  • Anne, scholastica and tdbates78 like this

#21 Ausmumof3

Ausmumof3

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4717 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:45 PM

You sound like me. My main concerns are math and English/language arts but like I said I feel like we've been slacking because not enough independent reading lately. Like I said I think part of that is him complaining. Like today he complained that his voice hurt so he didn't want to read. I said what does that matter? Read silently. He said he prefers to read aloud; it helps him. That may be true. He did later agree to read for 20 min. I told him if he did it would count as his history for today.

For math I told him the deal. I said look, we have X number of pages to complete for this year. In order to do that, we should really be doing about 2 pages per day. Given the fact that some days you did none or one, we should try to do more. That means either more per day or adding in some on Saturdays (or both). He's a numbers person, so I think that may help him grasp the situation better than me saying, "we're falling behind in math." lol Behind is so relative of course. Now part of that is my fault (the math being pushed off) but regardless, we gotta figure a way to get it done. We've been leaving the house for a few hours a couple times a week lately. And not all for fun stuff.

Ideally we will start getting on a better schedule. I don't want Saturday to require school. That's actually the day I do a little prep for my Sunday school class I help teach.


It sounds like you are getting pushback about doing the work.

One thing that has helped us with that is I take about half an hour once a week to write all the work for each kid in a diary. For some reason they are less likely to negotiate if it's written down and they can work independently it I'm tied up with someone else.
  • Anne likes this

#22 LMD

LMD

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3288 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 04:58 PM

Dh has mentioned preferences occasionally, and we've had some tiffs about his opinions on my time management skills - or lack thereof, comparatively.
But generally speaking, he trusts me. We've been doing this for 7 years and he has seen that my way works.

I make an effort to respect his opinions and insights about his own kids, which helps. I make an effort to prioritise the couple of things that make our home calm and relaxing for him when he's home. Generally, we try to finish school before he gets home but he works a rotating shift so it's not exactly simple lol.

I agree with the previous posters, his micromanaging will only add to your stress. I had to tell my dh that too!

It does get easier with time. The two year old won't always be two. But I do think that structuring your homeschool to include her as much as possible, rather than seeing her as an obstruction, will pay off long term. For example, with the white board, I would have probably drawn a square with some squiggles and let her have at erasing & scribbling while we worked. I do get what it's like to work around toddlers but you kind of have to just embrace the chaos and push through. (Please know that I'm not judging at all, I know that it's hard!)
  • Anne and scholastica like this

#23 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:01 PM

Dh has mentioned preferences occasionally, and we've had some tiffs about his opinions on my time management skills - or lack thereof, comparatively.
But generally speaking, he trusts me. We've been doing this for 7 years and he has seen that my way works.

I make an effort to respect his opinions and insights about his own kids, which helps. I make an effort to prioritise the couple of things that make our home calm and relaxing for him when he's home. Generally, we try to finish school before he gets home but he works a rotating shift so it's not exactly simple lol.

I agree with the previous posters, his micromanaging will only add to your stress. I had to tell my dh that too!

It does get easier with time. The two year old won't always be two. But I do think that structuring your homeschool to include her as much as possible, rather than seeing her as an obstruction, will pay off long term. For example, with the white board, I would have probably drawn a square with some squiggles and let her have at erasing & scribbling while we worked. I do get what it's like to work around toddlers but you kind of have to just embrace the chaos and push through. (Please know that I'm not judging at all, I know that it's hard!)

 

I did draw something for her to erase but then she started crying for the marker :laugh: Last time I gave her a marker she drew on the board and herself.

 

I do have a few things I can work on with her, but it's nearly impossible to do simultaneously. Today I laid out cards for a memory game and asked her to try to find the match. Ds was trying to talk to ask a question and she was trying to get my attention. It's just two people fighting to be heard/noticed.


  • LMD likes this

#24 LMD

LMD

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3288 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:06 PM

Also, I would not be panicked about number of pages/finishing the book. That is a sure fire way to feel stressed. I also don't mean slacking off and not caring about progress. But progress does not equal pages finished.
  • Anne, jewellsmommy, kitten18 and 3 others like this

#25 LMD

LMD

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3288 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:10 PM

I did draw something for her to erase but then she started crying for the marker :laugh: Last time I gave her a marker she drew on the board and herself.

I do have a few things I can work on with her, but it's nearly impossible to do simultaneously. Today I laid out cards for a memory game and asked her to try to find the match. Ds was trying to talk to ask a question and she was trying to get my attention. It's just two people fighting to be heard/noticed.


Haha, cute! I totally get it. I actually have a little white board/blackboard just for the toddler/preschooler lol.
  • desertstrawberry5 likes this

#26 Arcadia

Arcadia

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 15969 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:10 PM

My hubby is the other extreme. My kids can do work at McDonald's, Airport, Airplane, Hotels and he would find that very normal.

DS11 does better with lots of review with different materials so we school year round and also on vacations. They can't sleep early in hotels anyway so they don't mind doing some worksheets or workbooks or assigned readings after 8pm until they are tired enough to sleep.

#27 onelittlemonkey

onelittlemonkey

    I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. -MGS

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1342 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:14 PM

n/m
I can't figure out how to quote one thing and not the rest. Sigh.

Edited by onelittlemonkey, 13 September 2017 - 05:26 PM.


#28 CPSTAnne

CPSTAnne

    Hive Mind Level 3 Worker: Honeymaking Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1327 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:15 PM

DH doesn't have a problem with it when things run long. He has my back if she has anything to do later and I ask him to get her doing her math or something. However, I prefer to be done. I am with the kids nearly 24/7, DH is not. So I try not to have school drag on into "daddy time". Plus I'm getting tired by then and mentally I need to be done checking those boxes. 

 

If DH did have a problem with it, I guess we'd sit down and discuss expectations. I could not homeschool with the added stress of him not being on the same page with regards to any aspect of homeschooling. Curriculum, style, time management, organization.....I'm the one in the trenches, he has to trust me to do what we need to do. 


  • Anne and QueenCat like this

#29 Ausmumof3

Ausmumof3

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4717 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:16 PM

Also if it makes you feel better I resorted to using the iPad when ds5 was a toddler...

#30 Tibbie Dunbar

Tibbie Dunbar

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6156 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:23 PM

I've always felt it's reasonable to have school done before dh gets home. They need time with him, we have other stuff to do...school day during the day made sense to me. I didn't have a problem schooling with babies and toddlers, though. I mean, there were problems, but I could do it.

So your situation is different because you can't teach ds during the day, but also because you've got dh co-teaching. That second thing means he probably feels he has more input, because he's also involved in this job of hs'ing and wants to do his part on his time, with you having got your part done already.

I'm actually on his side about the schedule. But I'm on your side about not being bossed around. Does that make sense?

Heavy handed patriarchal dictates don't work well in a hs'ing family because even with calendars and schedules, home based learning is going to be a little more fluid. And mom needs respect and support as the primary teacher and caregiver, because it's a real job and a thankless job.

So I would try to meet the reasonable (IMO) request to complete my school day before 5 pm. But I wouldn't let him tell me how to do that. If I couldn't teach with baby in the setting, I'd put baby in daycare for a couple of hours per day until I learned how to manage both children. Or I would do most of the school during baby's nap time. And I would work on teaching baby to mind, and teaching older brother not to interrupt, because that's parenting. You have to do it whether you homeschool or not.
  • lllllll, ElizabethB, kitten18 and 6 others like this

#31 Homeschool Mom in AZ

Homeschool Mom in AZ

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5027 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:25 PM

You sound like me. My main concerns are math and English/language arts but like I said I feel like we've been slacking because not enough independent reading lately. Like I said I think part of that is him complaining. Like today he complained that his voice hurt so he didn't want to read. I said what does that matter? Read silently. He said he prefers to read aloud; it helps him. That may be true. He did later agree to read for 20 min. I told him if he did it would count as his history for today.

 

For math I told him the deal. I said look, we have X number of pages to complete for this year. In order to do that, we should really be doing about 2 pages per day. Given the fact that some days you did none or one, we should try to do more. That means either more per day or adding in some on Saturdays (or both). He's a numbers person, so I think that may help him grasp the situation better than me saying, "we're falling behind in math." lol Behind is so relative of course. Now part of that is my fault (the math being pushed off) but regardless, we gotta figure a way to get it done. We've been leaving the house for a few hours a couple times a week lately. And not all for fun stuff.

 

Ideally we will start getting on a better schedule. I don't want Saturday to require school. That's actually the day I do a little prep for my Sunday school class I help teach.

 

I don't negotiate much.    If I decide 2 pages (or whatever amount) a day are what need to be done to finish what I think it a reasonable amount of progress in a certain amount of time,  then 2 pages a day it is unless they're too sick to do school or some incredible outside  educational opportunity came up and can only be done during school hours.  We can negotiate the order of subjects.  We can negotiate reading aloud or reading silently. We can sometimes negotiate doing it orally instead of written. We can sometimes negotiate typed over handwritten.  But we almost always we do what's been assigned because I decided that's what needed to be done daily (in my case weekly) to meet my goals and is developmentally appropriate.

I don't think the solution to being behind is loading the kid up more on other days.  I think the correction needs to be mom making school a regular thing at a regular time before anything else is done. Creating a culture of diligence in the home is key. I get doing it irregularly because reality forces us into it, but irregularly because mom, to use your words, is slacking/pushing it off needs fixing. It will only get harder later on, so having good habits established needs to happen in the early years.  We all have until our child is 18 to provide what we think prepares a child for adulthood and meets the homeschooling laws in our state.

At my house screen time  is granted only on the days the kid was cooperative during school and chores are done.  They don't have to like it or pretend to like it, they have to do it without:
1. disrespectful talk to others (abusive language, arguing)

2. destructive behavior (tearing up things, throwing things)

3. tantrums (crying, whining)

4. distracting themselves with other things when they are supposed to be on task

 

If the coop and helping with the Sunday School teaching are adding more to your week than you can realistically get done at this stage of life, then I think one or both should be cut.  If you can figure out and follow through with a schedule or routine of some sort that makes it work and you're not stressed out about it, then I think one or both should stay.


Edited by Homeschool Mom in AZ, 13 September 2017 - 05:52 PM.

  • Anne, CES2005, okbud and 1 other like this

#32 Squiddles

Squiddles

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 41 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 05:28 PM

Ha ha ha...No. I am pretty certain he'd be fine with total unschooling at this point (our oldest just turned 7). Therefore he has no expectations time-wise.

FWIW, we have a now mobile baby. Between his awful sleep and mobility, school takes all day. By which I mean, we do a little school, do something else, do something else school-ish, do something else, do more school...you get the idea.

I

All of this ^^
DH is so supportive and gives this area over to me totally that he wouldn't even question me if we stayed up all night doing school not that we'd ever ever do that lol


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  • peacelovehomeschooling likes this

#33 Garga

Garga

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9827 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:07 PM

I don't think the problem specifically is that your dh wants you done by noon or by when he gets home. 

 

I think the problem is that you are unable to get homeschooling done each day.  If he's getting home by 5:00 and you've been trying to homeschool all day and you're still not done, then that's a problem.  

 

I don't agree with him that you should be done by noon, but I do agree that you should be able to cover everything by 5:00.  If you can't, then...that's the problem.  It's not an unusual problem and there are many reasons for it, but it's a problem.

 

It sounds like you're working on figuring out why your son fights school so hard (learning disabilities or something like that), but you don't have answers yet.  And it sounds like you need some sort of plan/help for dealing with a needy toddler.  Starting threads asking for help with dealing with needy toddlers might give you some ideas on how to handle that part of the issue.

 

Are you a planner? Do you try to have a schedule for the kids? Or are you more spontaneous?  Either way, you might consider writing out what the plan is for the day/week and letting your dh see it. This would be particularly helpful when it comes to traditional non-school days, like Labor Day.  It sounds like he doesn't really know what's on the schedule and makes assumptions ("Hey kids!  Labor day--no school!  Yay!")  He needs to be on the same page as you ahead of time.

 

 

It would rankle me to have my dh try to dictate how I homeschool and when.  But in this case I wonder if he's seeing a problem and doesn't know how to properly articulate what he's seeing.  He's thinking, "It shouldn't take a 9 year old from 8 in the morning until 7 at night to do school...."  Instead of trying to figure out what the underlying issue is, it sounds like he's spouting off, "Hey!  Lion!  Get school done faster!  Like, by noon!" 

 

So, the problem isn't really that your husband is picking a time of day for you to be done school (which is annoying).  It sounds like the problem is that something is coming in the way of you getting school done (toddler, learning issues, whatever.)

 

 

(My first plan of attack in the problem of getting school done would be creating a super strict schedule so that the kids start to know what to expect next.  It tends to take the fight out of kids if they know there's a set schedule and no amount of whining changes it.  This can take a few weeks to pay off.  After that, there are other steps I'd take to getting school done, but that's the first one that comes to mind.)


Edited by Garga, 13 September 2017 - 06:10 PM.

  • Harriet Vane, Alice, Anne and 10 others like this

#34 Where's Toto?

Where's Toto?

    Eclectically Us-Schooling

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6545 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:09 PM

Not specifically but he has in the past told the kids it was a day off when he was home for some reason.  Without checking with me.

 

I do find it very hard to get the kids to do school when he is home.  Our house is extremely small and the living room is really the only place where it's possible for them to do school, for dh to watch tv, all the computers are there, and it's the room you have to walk through to get to every other room in the house.  So, more often than not if dh is home I won't even try to do school.   In general, we're getting enough done most of the time and they are progressing so I just deal with the reality we are living with.



#35 happysmileylady

happysmileylady

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3184 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:14 PM

DH doesn't have any expectations/preferences on when we do school or what we do for it.  He just cares that it gets done. 

 

I am the opposite of the OP in that I find it near impossible to get anything done when DH is home.  BUT....my youngest is 4, not a toddler or baby.  When DH is home, the kids want their time with him.  And he tends to have ideas of how he wants to spend the time at home which interfere...whether that's cooking on the grill all day while the kids run around outside, or taking them fishing (leaving them not here to school) or whatever.

 

I will say that since most of the time I am working to have school finished while he's gone, he tends to expect that it's done by the time he gets home, simply because that's what normally happens. 

 



#36 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:15 PM

I've always felt it's reasonable to have school done before dh gets home. They need time with him, we have other stuff to do...school day during the day made sense to me. I didn't have a problem schooling with babies and toddlers, though. I mean, there were problems, but I could do it.

So your situation is different because you can't teach ds during the day, but also because you've got dh co-teaching. That second thing means he probably feels he has more input, because he's also involved in this job of hs'ing and wants to do his part on his time, with you having got your part done already.

I'm actually on his side about the schedule. But I'm on your side about not being bossed around. Does that make sense?

Heavy handed patriarchal dictates don't work well in a hs'ing family because even with calendars and schedules, home based learning is going to be a little more fluid. And mom needs respect and support as the primary teacher and caregiver, because it's a real job and a thankless job.

So I would try to meet the reasonable (IMO) request to complete my school day before 5 pm. But I wouldn't let him tell me how to do that. If I couldn't teach with baby in the setting, I'd put baby in daycare for a couple of hours per day until I learned how to manage both children. Or I would do most of the school during baby's nap time. And I would work on teaching baby to mind, and teaching older brother not to interrupt, because that's parenting. You have to do it whether you homeschool or not.

 

That's so helpful. :glare:
 


  • Laurel-in-CA, Squiddles and Spudater like this

#37 peacelovehomeschooling

peacelovehomeschooling

    Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 138 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:15 PM

No.  My husband leaves all school related stuff up to me because I am the one here and doing it (his words).  He is constantly supportive of me and of homeschooling and provides all emotional and financial support for it.  Other than that....it is all me.


  • Squiddles likes this

#38 Tibbie Dunbar

Tibbie Dunbar

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6156 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:29 PM

That's so helpful. :glare:


There is not ONE parent of multiple kids here who has not had to either figure it out by whatever means works. Including those of us with kids with special needs who have required unconventional solutions.

Some parents have been helped somewhat by somebody pointing out that not managing to get school done because a toddler won't allow it is not a viable option, so it was worth saying.
  • JanOH, Anne, brehon and 8 others like this

#39 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:29 PM

I don't negotiate much.    If I decide 2 pages (or whatever amount) a day are what need to be done to finish what I think it a reasonable amount of progress in a certain amount of time,  then 2 pages a day it is unless they're too sick to do school or some incredible outside  educational opportunity came up and can only be done during school hours.  We can negotiate the order of subjects.  We can negotiate reading aloud or reading silently. We can sometimes negotiate doing it orally instead of written. We can sometimes negotiate typed over handwritten.  But we almost always we do what's been assigned because I decided that's what needed to be done daily (in my case weekly) to meet my goals and is developmentally appropriate.

I don't think the solution to being behind is loading the kid up more on other days.  I think the correction needs to be mom making school a regular thing at a regular time before anything else is done. Creating a culture of diligence in the home is key. I get doing it irregularly because reality forces us into it, but irregularly because mom, to use your words, is slacking/pushing it off needs fixing. It will only get harder later on, so having good habits established needs to happen in the early years.  We all have until our child is 18 to provide what we think prepares a child for adulthood and meets the homeschooling laws in our state.

At my house screen time  is granted only on the days the kid was cooperative during school and chores are done.  They don't have to like it or pretend to like it, they have to do it without:
1. disrespectful talk to others (abusive language, arguing)

2. destructive behavior (tearing up things, throwing things)

3. tantrums (crying, whining)

4. distracting themselves with other things when they are supposed to be on task

 

If the coop and helping with the Sunday School teaching are adding more to your week than you can realistically get done at this stage of life, then I think one or both should be cut.  If you can figure out and follow through with a schedule or routine of some sort that makes it work and you're not stressed out about it, then I think one or both should stay.

 

 

I don't think the problem specifically is that your dh wants you done by noon or by when he gets home. 

 

I think the problem is that you are unable to get homeschooling done each day.  If he's getting home by 5:00 and you've been trying to homeschool all day and you're still not done, then that's a problem.  

 

I don't agree with him that you should be done by noon, but I do agree that you should be able to cover everything by 5:00.  If you can't, then...that's the problem.  It's not an unusual problem and there are many reasons for it, but it's a problem.

 

It sounds like you're working on figuring out why your son fights school so hard (learning disabilities or something like that), but you don't have answers yet.  And it sounds like you need some sort of plan/help for dealing with a needy toddler.  Starting threads asking for help with dealing with needy toddlers might give you some ideas on how to handle that part of the issue.

 

Are you a planner? Do you try to have a schedule for the kids? Or are you more spontaneous?  Either way, you might consider writing out what the plan is for the day/week and letting your dh see it. This would be particularly helpful when it comes to traditional non-school days, like Labor Day.  It sounds like he doesn't really know what's on the schedule and makes assumptions ("Hey kids!  Labor day--no school!  Yay!")  He needs to be on the same page as you ahead of time.

 

 

It would rankle me to have my dh try to dictate how I homeschool and when.  But in this case I wonder if he's seeing a problem and doesn't know how to properly articulate what he's seeing.  He's thinking, "It shouldn't take a 9 year old from 8 in the morning until 7 at night to do school...."  Instead of trying to figure out what the underlying issue is, it sounds like he's spouting off, "Hey!  Lion!  Get school done faster!  Like, by noon!" 

 

So, the problem isn't really that your husband is picking a time of day for you to be done school (which is annoying).  It sounds like the problem is that something is coming in the way of you getting school done (toddler, learning issues, whatever.)

 

 

(My first plan of attack in the problem of getting school done would be creating a super strict schedule so that the kids start to know what to expect next.  It tends to take the fight out of kids if they know there's a set schedule and no amount of whining changes it.  This can take a few weeks to pay off.  After that, there are other steps I'd take to getting school done, but that's the first one that comes to mind.)

 

Routine has always been an issue for us. It's hard to get ds going in the morning.

 

I was putting all the assignments on a board on the wall for a while, but that particular board needed to be hung correctly and dh thought he was going to put something else there (shelf) so we took it down. Then dd could reach it. I gave up trying to use it but need to get back into a routine of writing down what we are doing for the day. The days dh does school with ds, he does not do a complete day. The first time he left for working saying something like, "we got a few hours done, looks like he's done for the day" I had to correct him. They did culinary arts and geography or something. I was like, "yeah and after you leave we still have math and language arts." Plus we do Spanish daily. So no, not even dh can follow his done by 12 rule since that's leaving out core subjects.

 

Some days I pushed off math because we did other stuff and it was getting late and so we gave up. Or I deliberately put it off because the toddler interferes so badly. Like "okay we'll do this when Dad comes home so we won't be interrupted." Dad walks in the door. "No, ds is not doing that. School is over." I do need to be more consistant and put math earlier in the day probably.

 

Now some days I wanted to do two pages and ds struggled through one and took forever so we didn't do the second (or third).

 

Co-op meets twice a month for classes. It's over by noon, but then we're going to this clinic to evaluate his hearing and stuff. I say "and stuff" because I'm not sure what the test will tell us. They will give us therapy twice a week for a couple of months in the cost of the eval I already paid for. This week I took him to try to complete the test, but he did not. The sessions are short and they think it will take another session to complete. I am not driving him there the second time this week because I'm taking a CPR class that night and I can't go to the clinic with the kids, get home, then go back for my CPR training. If he was enrolled in the private school he went to last year he would be doing a bug collection this year. I'm checking that "collection" thing off my list because he's taking botany at the co-op and they are doing a leaf collection. This is the type of thing I'd rather not do myself. Yes, I may have to help him find leaves at some point. But for now, it's something someone else gets to teach.

 

I'm only helping with Sunday school because ds is going there for Sunday school, anyway and they needed more teachers. If I'm not in the classroom teaching I'm sitting in my car reading or something waiting for class to end before we go to Mass.

 

If dd falls asleep it's in the car or around 3-4pm. She has not napped at all today. She is full of energy. She has tried riding her bike outside with me, kicked a soccer ball around, and run around the house all day.



#40 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:35 PM

There is not ONE parent of multiple kids here who has not had to either figure it out by whatever means works. Including those of us with kids with special needs who have required unconventional solutions.

Some parents have been helped somewhat by somebody pointing out that not managing to get school done because a toddler won't allow it is not a viable option, so it was worth saying.

 

I don't think you understand. Telling me to do work while a toddler naps when I explicitly explained the napping situation in the OP is not helpful. You may not be aware of this because I didn't state it in this thread, but we cannot afford daycare and there isn't a daycare for a few hours a week. I mean, maybe someone does that in their home but the one we're familiar with is full-time only. Oh and someone was murdered next to the daycare last week. Love this town.



#41 Jean in Newcastle

Jean in Newcastle

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 65128 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:36 PM

If Dh contradicted what I said to my children, I would be livid.

That said, perhaps you should look at having a loop schedule. (What doesn't get done on one day gets put first on the next day. )


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  • heatherwith3, mamaraby, Dust and 3 others like this

#42 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:39 PM

And teaching older brother not to interrupt? What did that even mean? The toddler interrupts his lessons.

 

Dd's interruptions are distracting. She may not always be physically in the way, but she's only an earshot away. We even put her on the other side of the baby gate, but she can break down the other end of the gate so she knocks it down Hulk style and comes running to us. So wonderful so many people can make their toddler stop talking on command, though.


  • Squiddles likes this

#43 Janeway

Janeway

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3645 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:39 PM

I would be extremely angry if my husband behaved like this. How he is treating you is not ok. What if the children were in public school and had home work? What would he do then?


  • Squiddles likes this

#44 Alice

Alice

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4235 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:41 PM

In reading your post, the thing that jumped out to me was that it seems like you and dh aren't on the same page with homeschooling. I'm not sure exactly what the issues are....maybe one of you is more committed to homeschooling, or you have different educational philosophies. But it seems to me that you are out of sync. And that seems like the bigger underlying issue than exactly what time or how long you take with school. 

 

Every homeschooling family does things differently. Some have a strict schedule, some are more loosey goosey. Some homeschool on holidays (we do). Some do on vacations (we don't). At that age, our family would not do school on Saturdays, regardless of how the week went. We all need some down time. Some have daily schedules that go all day, some are done by noon. I'm not sure it matters that much what you do, as long as the kids are thriving and as long as the whole family is ok with the style you pick. Homeschooling becomes such a family lifestyle rather than something that is done just on certain days at certain times. 

 

I would sit down with dh and try and talk it out. Why does he feel you should be done early? Is is that he wants more fun time with the kids? Is he just worried that ds is spending too much time in formal schooling activities? Maybe you can come to a compromise of some kind...trying to be done as often as you can early but realizing that some days it won't happen. Or maybe you just realize this is a stage until the toddler gets a bit older. 


  • jewellsmommy and desertstrawberry5 like this

#45 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:42 PM

I would be extremely angry if my husband behaved like this. How he is treating you is not ok. What if the children were in public school and had home work? What would he do then?

 

He went to private last year. Homework was a nightmare. And I was usually the one looking at it/dealing with it. Dh basically had a let him sink or swim attitude quite a lot of the time.

 

The public schools are not good. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Dh doesn't even like the idea of dd being in the toddler room during co-op. So I really don't know how he'd handle someone babysitting her a few hours a day. He would tell me it's a waste of money, that's for sure.

 

I'm just expected to be super mom like the ones that can handle it all and make the rest of us look incompetent. I don't know if it makes any difference, but I do believe ds to not be NT. He had a different eval. last year. I'm still trying to get to the bottom of some things.



#46 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:44 PM

In reading your post, the thing that jumped out to me was that it seems like you and dh aren't on the same page with homeschooling. I'm not sure exactly what the issues are....maybe one of you is more committed to homeschooling, or you have different educational philosophies. But it seems to me that you are out of sync. And that seems like the bigger underlying issue than exactly what time or how long you take with school. 

 

Every homeschooling family does things differently. Some have a strict schedule, some are more loosey goosey. Some homeschool on holidays (we do). Some do on vacations (we don't). At that age, our family would not do school on Saturdays, regardless of how the week went. We all need some down time. Some have daily schedules that go all day, some are done by noon. I'm not sure it matters that much what you do, as long as the kids are thriving and as long as the whole family is ok with the style you pick. Homeschooling becomes such a family lifestyle rather than something that is done just on certain days at certain times. 

 

I would sit down with dh and try and talk it out. Why does he feel you should be done early? Is is that he wants more fun time with the kids? Is he just worried that ds is spending too much time in formal schooling activities? Maybe you can come to a compromise of some kind...trying to be done as often as you can early but realizing that some days it won't happen. Or maybe you just realize this is a stage until the toddler gets a bit older. 

 

I think he just wants to feel like he walks in the house and everyone is done with everything. We go on vacation and no school to come along with us. He wants us to all have his vacation days (he works in a school) so follow the school schedule.

 

We are only homeschooling because of where we live. I don't dislike homeschooling in itself, but I dislike trying to manage with the toddler.
 



#47 Ausmumof3

Ausmumof3

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4717 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 06:53 PM

:grouphug: it's hard.

I'm not a routine person by nature either but I now find it helpful to have set school hours. But we are out of the toddler stage.

Having set hours removed the argument. It helps me be more reasonable about how much I expect done. It makes school take priority over all the other stuff.

That said, I actually wonder if having evaluations done might be the most helpful thing. If you know there's special needs and you need to work around them at least you can plan for that and make accommodations instead of trying to keep to a set pace of work.

I'd also consider pointing out to DH that in many schools kids this age are expected to do readers and projects after school because the teachers can't effectively get through the curriculum. It's not really all that different.
  • fairfarmhand and heartlikealion like this

#48 heartlikealion

heartlikealion

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11936 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 07:01 PM

:grouphug: it's hard.

I'm not a routine person by nature either but I now find it helpful to have set school hours. But we are out of the toddler stage.

Having set hours removed the argument. It helps me be more reasonable about how much I expect done. It makes school take priority over all the other stuff.

That said, I actually wonder if having evaluations done might be the most helpful thing. If you know there's special needs and you need to work around them at least you can plan for that and make accommodations instead of trying to keep to a set pace of work.

I'd also consider pointing out to DH that in many schools kids this age are expected to do readers and projects after school because the teachers can't effectively get through the curriculum. It's not really all that different.

 

I failed to mention that when we leave the house we're easily gone for hours. That means it's hard to school. Ds complains of headaches if he reads in the car. Co-op day we leave the house around 8:45am. No schooling is done before we leave the house. Co-op classes go from 10-11:45. I am a helper in two classes. Dd didn't attend the first day because dh decided to go into work extra late and make it easier for ds and I to attend the classes and clinic. Now he's debating about going into work late again next time we meet for co-op because he doesn't want strangers watching dd in the toddler room. I said you knew she'd be in there and said you were okay with it. I wanted her to get socialization. We don't know anyone around here for her to hang out with, really. I told him it shouldn't be a big deal. When the kids take a snack break I can take her to the potty so we probably won't even need strangers changing her diaper. Anyway, so since ds isn't done with testing and may need follow up therapy I guess we'll be going out of town 1-2x a week. The co-op is roughly 45 min. away and the clinic is a bit further. Once we get feedback on this eval. I should be able to set up his follow up with the psychologist that did his eval last school year. By now we should have at least one teacher feedback form on file with them (if the school ever mailed it like they said they did). Ds was good today, but many days he's VERY argumentative. It's not like, "okay we need to do this and that's the way it is" and no pushback. Pushback happens frequently. I'm dealing with someone that may be the explosive child. And lots of guilt trips. And lots of self loathing talk and saying that we hate him if we correct him, etc. I don't think what I'm dealing with is what people giving advice are necessarily picturing.



#49 mytwomonkeys

mytwomonkeys

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4065 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 07:14 PM

I've never asked my husband, but I'd assume he would prefer homeschooling done in the day. It's not an issue though. My daughter is in public school and my son does his schoolwork early & is done by 1:00. I would hate to do it later; I feel like it would interfere with many other aspects of our family life. For simplicity sake, we follow the school calendar to make it easier for family planning, etc. Therefore weekends, summertime, holidays, etc. are non school time.
  • kitten18 and Zinnia like this

#50 Amy in NH

Amy in NH

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5547 posts

Posted 13 September 2017 - 07:24 PM

Nope.  I don't tell him what to do with his time, and he doesn't control my time.


  • laundrycrisis, WoolySocks, mamaraby and 3 others like this