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What to tell dd about friends jerk behaviour


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#51 Bluegoat

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 08:56 AM

can you just drive her and pick her up for a while so she doesn't have to deal with those girls for a while?

 

Not very easily - mornings are almost impossible, it's when the boy I babysit is arriving, often the other kids aren't or dressed.

 

I wonder too whether it would really solve much - the girls might just find another way to make their point.


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#52 QueenCat

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 09:02 AM

Good advice but I have had tons of parents approach me on parent night to discreetly put something on my radar or to give me a heads up they will be emailing me about a topic of concern. It never bothered me or felt like an inconvenience. I always felt like as someone responsible for having my finger on the pulse of the emotional wellbeing of the children in the school that it was my job. I wouldn't have thought to be bothered by it.

 

I meant more if she wanted to discuss it and come up with a plan of some sort. A heads up, with discretion, would be fine in that setting. I deeply care about my students emotional well-being. I've had parents come up to me at open houses, parent nights, etc and want to completely work something out pertaining to some issue. I just can't do that on that kind of night as I need to intermingle with the other parents (and students, if they're there) too.



#53 J-rap

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 09:20 AM

(Haven't read all the responses.)

 

Ugh.  My dd went through that in 7th grade too.  We worked hard to teach our kids to be loyal and faithful to their friends, so it came as a real shock when only a couple weeks earlier her "best friend" wanted to talk to her about her upcoming birthday party.  They were planning it together, and then my dd wondered why she hadn't gotten an invite yet.  She was riding her bike one day and happened to see several girls walking to her friend's house with birthday presents in hand.  Yep, best friend had decided she wanted to invite her "new" group of friends.  I was just as mad at her mother, because really, wouldn't her mother (also a friend of mine!) step in and tell her dd to include her best friend of the last couple of years who had planned the party with her?

 

Anyway, it was a real eye-opener for my dd.  The first thing that helped was my voicing the thoughts that I knew my dd wanted to say, but thought she shouldn't.  It was good to confirm her feelings and let her know that they were fine and completely normal!!  Then we talked about how in reality, it was not something personal against my dd, it was more just a weird, very unkind decision that her friend made.  Then we talked about how when you do find a good friend who is loyal, she's a real treasure.  And then, we went out for ice cream.

 

And yes, later I called my friend (the mother) because I was so flabbergasted by what happened (and because she was a friend of mine).  She seemed to feel really awful about it, and then her dd called my dd up a couple days later and invited her to a special weekend sleepover, just the two of them.  My dd didn't feel comfortable going of course, and the friendship never really resumed.

 

It's a tough lesson.  Shower her with love!!



#54 Bluegoat

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 09:20 AM

I have no more likes guys!

 

Lots of helpful perspectives here.

 

I'll clarify that we are not going to talk to the moms - I think that is just a bit of a fantasy of dd.

 

She does have other friends.  Some are not that close, so it is harder to se them during the week.  I think she's just going to have to make a final decision that these girls are not worth her time.


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#55 Lizzie in Ma

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 09:27 AM

Ugh, that age.  hugs to your dd.



#56 Bluegoat

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 10:19 AM

I meant more if she wanted to discuss it and come up with a plan of some sort. A heads up, with discretion, would be fine in that setting. I deeply care about my students emotional well-being. I've had parents come up to me at open houses, parent nights, etc and want to completely work something out pertaining to some issue. I just can't do that on that kind of night as I need to intermingle with the other parents (and students, if they're there) too.

 

Oh, yeah, I see where you are coming from here.

 

I don't think there is really much to be gained from getting into this interaction in that deep way.  But, I think it would potentially be good for the councillor or teacher just to know there is that kind of thing going on - I am sure they have seen plenty of it, but they can keep an eye out.  It seems to be something they talk about in health class too, which might be a useful thing.


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