Your right. And I wasn't hiding the fact that our case is complicated. But bad things do happen and foster care guardianships/adoptions are not always easy. A lot of people want to paint a rosey picture and talk about best case scenarios. I am just saying that it doesn't always end up that way and to not go into it thinking it will be easy.
I totally agree with this. One just does not know how it will be.
The courts say it is temporary...but the vast majority of foster cases start out as temporary....they just don't always end up that way. We had Zero intention of adopting. Has they came to us in the beginning and said, her is a 5mo baby, will you adopt her. We never would have gotten started on this journey. They asked us to do this for a few months, I figured it would be a year or two. Nope, I was wrong. The parents didn't neglect this child. They just had to jump through some legal hoops and weren't willing to do so, we ended up with her. And then didn't feel right about turning her over to another foster home after having her for 18 months. That is why I kind of joke sometimes and say "we accidentally adopted"
And I also agree that it makes little to no sense for OP to take the child into her care now, unless either or both of the following: she and her husband would like to be permanent parents of the child or the child's current situation seems not to be good for the child.
At one of dd10's and her brother's court hearing there were: (closed hearing -no visitors).
the state's attorney
Oregon caseworker for dd10
Oregon caseworker for brother
Washington caseworker on phone (for us)
CASA for dd10
CASA for her brother
Judge and legal court officers.
There were almost 20 people trying to come to agreements on the care for 2 children. This is just to show how many people are involved in the decisions governing 2 little lives. It was this way, every 3 months for 2 years. Sometimes the kids hearings were together and sometimes separate. But it can be very, very hard to navigate when you have so many people steering the ship.
If you want to read more about families who have suffered due to adoption, research RAD on the board (Denise mom of 5 and I think Tara the Liberator are both families who have had trials with RAD kids)
I also had a many persons dealing with my son during the time I was his fostermom, and during the adoption process, but our situation was different in many ways too.
First, I did take on ds being ready for it to be "forever." That being the case, I pushed to get attachment therapy as soon as he arrived into my care. I had also already been involved with a RAD and Adoption Disruption online group prior to his arrival, and had been involved some in the fosterparent world, so had some idea of various problems like yours that might ensue, and did my best to be proactive against those happening. In case anyone is wondering about this, my information and guidance was that it was important for ds to make an attachment asap, even if he ended up with someone else or back with bioparent ultimately...that the "window" for attachment was closing and if it did not happen soon it might not be able to happen with anyone in his life.
I did not have any bio-children.
DS's case involved multiple adoption workers in 2 states also. (though not a sibling nor 2nd bio-dad)
It was a situation that went on over 7 years, and there were around 5 foster families in 5 years before he came to me. There were a number of social workers in both states (6 in Oregon, my state, who I dealt with. 1 or 2 who I did not deal with who had taken him into foster care at one point when police had been called about the bad situation he was then in. And maybe the same again or more in the other state). I am not sure I could even get an accurate count now. There was more than one judge during the course of events. There were a number of lawyers.
There were also, in DS's case, extra people involved because he might or might not have been covered by laws regarding Tribes and adoption of children with Native American / Indian ancestry.
I did not go to the numerous court hearings about parental rights termination and so on. I did not even go to the various adoption hearings or finalization of adoption hearing. I was represented by an attorney, as was ds represented there by another attorney.
There was certainly still a lot of paper work. A lot of phone calls. A lot of doing.
But the every 3 months hearings stuff? Yeah, it happened. I stayed out of it.
And there are still some challenges that seem to be directly related to ds's early life experiences. But over all, I would say it has been a very positive experience.
Edited by Pen, 15 September 2017 - 05:06 PM.