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Some encouragement


quark
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This might be long. I just wanted to share and pay all the lovely guidance and advice I have received forward.

 

My young teen is now a freshman at our flagship university. A has worked so hard to get here and I am so proud and my heart feels very full. Throughout our journey I hit so many roadblocks...curriculum that just did not seem to fit A, classes that were too watered down, teachers who did not get A's learning style, people who judged our choices and stopped being our friends, and life events that made me want to give up and stay in my pajamas all day. Add to this, all the anxiety, perfectionism, struggles with simple things because of A's asynchronous development. So many tears and frustrations.

 

Just an example from recent events and I'll choose a simple thing like where I keep the kitchen trash can. All this while it was on our counter top because that was the only place that was easy enough for A to navigate without dropping trash everywhere and risking  our sensitive-gut dog eating the trash and being sick. I hated having the trash can on the countertop (because we have little countertop real estate and to my OCD eyes, it looked so ugly, lol). These last few weeks, the trash can has been sitting neatly in a cabinet with no trash stuck on the cabinet floor. Everything is clean. It just hit me that I could not have done this earlier and also stayed happy and sane enough to parent this child. I would have been scolding A every day about it (I can be Type A about silly things like that). And today A finally managed to knot the trash bag (more quickly than before) to throw it away. Yes, it took 14 years for A to learn to throw trash neatly. But also almost finish a math degree (A only has a few required classes left).

 

THIS. This is the asynchronicity that most people don't get. They don't understand that not everything comes easily to a child who can understand complex math in a heartbeat but takes years, no decades, to master simple skills. The key was to follow the ability and scaffold the difficulties. With as much patience as I could muster. To have faith and trust and a will to take the risk and do what brings joy. To take paths not knowing what could happen but to be able to back track or side track quickly enough that not much damage is done. To be present.

 

In the last 6 months, I've seen amazing development. Independence. Sense of self. Determination to help mom with finances. While remaining the gentle, sweet soul that A is. Spring semester of senior year was brutal on the two of us. But we survived. We grew and we had each other through it all. And A is finally, finally, developing the street smarts that I had hoped would come.

 

Yesterday, someone asked if I would help teach writing to their kid and all of my insecurities and imposter issues came flooding back. A asked why I felt that way. I said I hadn't done it in so long, that all I did the last few years was to facilitate things for A and find classes. I had done little of the actual teaching. And A told me that none of this could have happened without me. Without my coaching, mentoring, scaffolding. Without the little notes I would write for A and the constant question "did you put it on Google calendar?".  Without the movie nights and ice cream and silly jokes and friendship that we built discussing audiobooks in the car. I felt so thankful. That we could homeschool...what a gift! It was worth all the anxiety and worry. Well, it wasn't always anxiety and worry. We had a lot of fun too. We laughed so much whenever we could. But you guys know what I mean.

 

I wish you all as much if not more joy. It feels like I have just almost met my purpose in life. To help this kid. It feels good to know that whatever may come, we at least did this much together. And I could not have done it without the support from here. Thank you all! And the best to all of you!

 

 

Edited by quark
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Oh my, Quark. You've got me all teary.

 

Your support in the time I've been here has been so, so valuable. 

Thank you so much for all you've shared. I've always felt like you 'got' me and my journey with my A.

 

*thank you*

 

xx

 

Different kids (but with names starting with A), different moms, different shores, but a similar journey nevertheless. It has been such a pleasure walking it with you CCC!

 

When I first started this journey with A and at a lot of other times, it has felt very lonely. But there have been many precious moments when I stumbled upon other families with similar challenges. Slowly, we've become a community of families living similar experiences. Part of my reason for posting was to encourage families with younger kids...it can feel so lonely sometimes can't it? Especially when other parents near you have no idea what you are talking about. But it can also get better as they grow older and we figure it out.

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Part of my reason for posting was to encourage families with younger kids...it can feel so lonely sometimes can't it? Especially when other parents near you have no idea what you are talking about. But it can also get better as they grow older and we figure it out.

And this is a major reason we're on this board. My oldest only just turned 8, and I've finally figured out not to talk about our struggles with friends, and instead take most of my questions to you all or our trusted psychologist we've seen for the last four years, though most of my friends are either unaware that we see her or think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill to continue seeing her. Oh well! lol. :)

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And this is a major reason we're on this board. My oldest only just turned 8, and I've finally figured out not to talk about our struggles with friends, and instead take most of my questions to you all or our trusted psychologist we've seen for the last four years, though most of my friends are either unaware that we see her or think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill to continue seeing her. Oh well! lol. :)

 

Grab any help you can. :thumbup:

 

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â¤ï¸

Yes, if all fails, count the audiobooks...they should put that on my gravestone.

 

Trust me, I do count them. Whenever imposter syndrome hits (Did *I* do this? Did *I* help this kid? Me?!!!), that's the first place I look. One section of my Hemnes bookshelf has now broken under the weight of them.

 

So glad to be of service, you guys. You have all held me up so many times. So many, many times.

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Bravo!  I'm also the "I hate the trash can on the counter" person.  But I have many other "trash cans" in my life.  I only wish I could go back in time and tell myself to relax and be less controlling.  It was a hard lesson I gradually learned.  I only wish I had learned it sooner.  

 

Congratulations on your journey:  homeschooling is the Appalachian Trail of parenting.  

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Thank you so much for the encouragement. You're absolutely right that this can be a very lonely and isolating journey, but finding others has helped tremendously. And congratulations on A almost finishing his degree, … and on the trash can. There's hope for us in that!!

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