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So, we sent our dd to school...


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#1 bethben

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 06:58 PM

Part of the reason was that math and her don't mix very well and she was yelling at me because she didn't understand.  There are a lot more reasons why she went to school, but this was a big one.  I thought maybe a different person teaching her math would help our relationship.  Guess what?  Her teacher doesn't explain math to her well either so basically, I am continuing to teach her math at home.  I SOOO can't do this every night.  What can I do about this?



#2 Arcadia

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 07:10 PM

Does your library offer free online homework help? Many people here make use of that. If something like what the link describe https://www.sjpl.org/tutor

#3 JudoMom

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 07:40 PM

What about ds16?  Can you pay him to do it?  Or would that be a bad dynamic?



#4 Ravin

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 08:03 PM

Yeah, we did the same thing and DD regressed in math ability and is still recovering.



#5 EKS

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 08:04 PM

Perhaps you could tell her to ask her teacher?  I would simply not engage with a child who was yelling at me when I was trying to help her.  If she wants you to help, she needs to change her behavior.


Edited by EKS, 23 August 2017 - 08:45 PM.

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#6 bethben

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 08:54 PM

There are multiple reasons she is going to school.  Math was just one of them.  I have already communicated with her teacher about a possible learning disability with math and how she gets very angry when she doesn't understand.  Math is my thing. I know how to teach it - I was a math education major in college because I "get" math.  She has real issues with math and they did testing with the kids and are going to place them appropriately from what I understand.  I'm giving it a month before I start squeaking the wheel so to say.  The teacher may be teaching the concepts very well with the majority of the class understanding.  I am having to reteach because she doesn't really understand and it takes several different ways of explaining the same thing to do the problem.  Even after all that and her understanding a concept, it will most likely be forgotten a day later.  I was constantly re-teaching concepts she understood and mastered because the concept hadn't been reviewed constantly.  You just can't review every single math concept of 4 years every week.   I know her deficiencies and how to get around them.  The teacher doesn't.  

 

I do not want to homeschool her.  I figured out that I can either be her mother or her teacher - not both.  When I did homeschool her, that was all I could do with her.  I had absolutely no more emotional energy to deal with her antics the rest of the day.  I am also knowing knowing knowing that I could give her a better education at home but I would completely run down because of the stress of it.  I was shaking toward the end of the year with the stress of teaching her.  Maybe I will wind up sending her to a sylvan type place to work on math learning issues.  



#7 SKL

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Posted 23 August 2017 - 10:14 PM

This year I am sending one of mine to Sylvan.  It isn't a cure-all, but she's at an age when she does not appreciate me giving her extra practice work.  She is happy for me to help her with her homework, but she needs more than that.

 

I'm not sure how this is working out.  Initially she said she liked it and seemed positive on her learning.  But it's had its ups and downs.  We're sticking with it for now.

 

Before, I used to buy supplemental workbooks that went along with the curriculum they were doing at school.  It wasn't a perfect solution, but it did offer additional practice which we needed.

 

What about Khan Academy, which lets the kids practice on their own?  It includes explanations via short videos.  Maybe give it a try, as it is free.  One of my kids likes it, the other does not.  (This year their teacher is requiring all the kids to use it at home, so that should be interesting ....)

 

Also, ask the teacher if he has any times in the day when he gives math help.  Before or after school?  Study hall?  Do they have a tutor at the school who could give her 15 minutes a day on math?



#8 Heigh Ho

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Posted 24 August 2017 - 06:32 AM

Ask in writing, for the school to do an evaluation.

If there is a psyc or counselor, call that person and explain your child's frustration level, and get her in to counseling so.she moves from expressing emotion inappropriately to coping and learning.

In the meantime, can you do math via cooking and other household activites?
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#9 Megbo

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Posted 24 August 2017 - 01:57 PM

I agree that it's time to request an evaluation. By 5th grade, most kids with such severe learning issues will already have a diagnosis and IEP in place, which makes it very unlikely that extra resources/support will be provided to kids without an IEP.  

 

In the meantime, check with her teacher to see if they offer help after school hours. If they do, take full advantage. If not, inquire about an afterschool tutoring program at her school, the library, the Boys and Girls club, etc. to help with homework.

 

If at all possible, I would also look for a tutor who specializes in math learning disabilities to work on remediation. Even with a diagnosis/IEP, the help she will get from the school system will likely be along the lines of modifying assignments and providing accommodations. 


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#10 mrshomework

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Posted 11 September 2017 - 01:44 PM

You didn't state what grade she was in but has she tried Khan Academy it's free and they have lots of great videos. I am having my dd watch them on weekends and after school when she has a problem in math or just to review. 



#11 OneStepAtATime

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Posted 11 September 2017 - 01:59 PM

As mentioned, you need to make a request in writing to the school to do an evaluation.  She may very well have a learning issue that is seriously tripping her up.  Without targeted help from someone who actually has a clue how to help her (and the patience and neutral position to be able to hopefully get her on board) she may never succeed in math and may (and probably already has) developed a profound fight or flight reaction to ALL math, even math she might be capable of understanding otherwise.  

 

Look up dyscalculia.  Seek out resources for dyscalculia while you seek answers.  And don't be afraid to start her over from the very basic building blocks of math if that is what she needs.  



#12 KathyBC

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Posted 11 September 2017 - 02:38 PM

Part of the reason was that math and her don't mix very well and she was yelling at me because she didn't understand.  There are a lot more reasons why she went to school, but this was a big one.  I thought maybe a different person teaching her math would help our relationship.  Guess what?  Her teacher doesn't explain math to her well either so basically, I am continuing to teach her math at home.  I SOOO can't do this every night.  What can I do about this?

I can relate to your post. I just want to say that it became clear to me recently that the yelling for my dd is definitely a poor response to anxiety. When we're able to address the idea of "good enough" at another time, it helps a lot. (i.e. math is hard for you, you may forgot stuff, nobody is expecting you to get 100% especially with a difficult subject, how can you and I find a way to make this homework "good enough" so that you pass the class and can move on to the stuff you are passionate about.)

 

 

ETA: The idea of an outside tutor/Sylvan to help with homework sounds promising.


Edited by KathyBC, 11 September 2017 - 02:41 PM.


#13 Have kids -- will travel

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Posted 11 September 2017 - 06:51 PM

Math is my thing. I know how to teach it - I was a math education major in college because I "get" math.  She has real issues with math and they did testing with the kids and are going to place them appropriately from what I understand.  

 

Since you're mathy, you're going to be generally disappointed with elementary math instruction. Most primary school teachers are not mathy, unfortunately. I've had one tell me she was extending my very mathy boy by asking to explain how he figured out a problem, but he can do the simple elementary math so intuitively, there isn't an explanation that such a young child could appropriately formulate. But whatever.

 

Many homeschoolers are not mathy, so the problem can be the homeschooler/parents' lack of understanding when teaching, but in your case, that shouldn't be the problem.

 

What you have is a child who has had appropriate, quality math instruction from a passionate teacher who gets math easily, and she's not picking it up. If that's the case, I'd recommend an outside evaluation for a learning disorder. The school is likely not going to flag anything as long as she's in the range of normal, but it seems like she should be doing better than that.

 

HTH



#14 Lecka

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Posted 12 September 2017 - 09:17 AM

You need to talk to her teacher. 

 

If you help her every night, the teacher has know of way of knowing that your daughter is having trouble.  Unless you tell her.  Or unless you don't help her and she shows up at school not able to do the work. 

 

Teachers can't read minds, this is a normal thing to talk to the teacher about.

 

If getting an evaluation comes up ----- you must put it in writing with the office or the principal.  You must.  If you discuss it with the teacher it is just a discussion, it doesn't do anything. 

 

Probably there may be other suggestions from the teacher, though.

 

But if your daughter would do better if she got extra help, then you aren't going to get it if nobody at school knows she needs extra help. 



#15 Lecka

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Posted 12 September 2017 - 09:22 AM

Another idea is RTI or asking what extra help they have.

 

One of my kids was able to get extra help after school at "extended school day" even though he wasn't flagged for it by his teacher or his test scores.  I inquired and the answer was yes. 

 

It was huge, huge, huge for him.  So huge.  It was mostly one of those computer lab things.  Some kids got more help beyond using a computer program but not my son (which was fine).  He gained a lot of confidence and was able to get on track in math.  It was great for his math facts which were a huge struggle for him for years.  The teacher who oversaw the kids in the computer lab was super positive to him and he treated her respectfully (ahem) and didn't fight her.  Was not happening at home that way at that time. 

 

Anyway I think you should ask at school before you give up on school and try to just supplement her at home.  It is HARD to supplement at home.  It is SO HARD.  Getting help at school is so much better.

 

If there are no avenues that way, then you may not have a choice, but it is the first choice I think. 

 

Edit:  Also you want to know what the teacher is seeing in class.

 

Does the teacher see her ask questions.

 

Does the teacher see her having a hard time.

 

With a good teacher, you will get some good information.  And you can share with the teacher what you are seeing at home, give some background, etc.  But if you want an eval you have got to put in in writing with the office or principal.  Do both.  But doing one doesn't take the place of doing the other. 


Edited by Lecka, 12 September 2017 - 09:26 AM.


#16 Lecka

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Posted 12 September 2017 - 09:32 AM

I re-read and saw your recent post.

 

Write the eval request now.  They have got a ton of time to respond.  Don't put it off or nothing will happen until January or February. 

 

It isn't being a squeaky wheel.  They would probably rather your daughter didn't fall behind or develop behavior or anxiety issues, too.  It is being proactive in a very appropriate way, not being a squeaky wheel.

 

There is such a thing as a squeaky wheel in a bad way ----- this isn't it.

 

A lot of times being a squeaky wheel is a good thing and needed when you have a child in public school.

 

You have to be more assertive and not wait for somebody to notice. 

 

And keep in mind too ----- if the teacher tried to broach the subject with you, for all she knows you will bite her head off.  A lot of parents don't want to hear it and will blame the teacher or be mad at the teacher.  At her age ---- with no information about your situation ---- the teacher could think you aren't super-receptive.

 

Then if the teacher spends half the year feeling you out to see how you will react ----- then you have lost a lot of the year, too.

 

There is another way to word this where it sounds nicer, but basically teachers don't want to bring up a problem in some blunt way, it offends parents and they aren't ready to hear it or receive the information.  So if you DO think there is a problem, and you don't say anything, they can think that you have no idea there is a problem and that they are going to have to bring it up gently, establish a relationship with you, etc. 

 

And there just isn't time for it.  It is a time-consuming process so just start it now. 


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