letting the kids decide

[Elizabeth86]

Do you leave the choice to homeschool or go to public/private school up to your kids. If you let them choose, do youbbegin doing so at a certain age or always.

 

I am in no way trying to debate this, just curious what you do in your home. So.....if you cant say something nice please dont reply.

[EKS]

I let my younger son choose once he was high school age (the older one was a special case).  There is *no way* I would want to homeschool an unwilling high school student.

Edited August 19, 2017 by EKS

[bolt.]

I frame this as a parental decision, but I would take any objection very seriously (if it was a serious objection).

[Guest]

My parents let me decide starting in 2nd grade.  So I went to private school for a year and a half, homeschooled a year and a half, went to public school in junior high, came home in high school to study for the equivalency exam.  My education sucked and there is no way I would leave that sort of decision to a child.  High schooler, maybe.  But I still can't believe my parents did that.

[Guest]

Heck no. 

 

It makes sense to revisit that stance when approaching high school.

[Wheres Toto]

We always planned to let the kids decide for high school.  We have a very good high school that has worked with homeschoolers in the past, they would be able to test into whatever level classes they needed, and the guidance staff is great.  It's where oldest dd went and she was an out of district transfer as a freshman.  I feel like the natural transition between middle school and high school would also be a good time to be "the new kid" especially because our high school gets kids from two different towns, many private schools, as well as homeschoolers so they wouldn't be the only ones.

 

Our reasons for homeschooling would apply through elementary school and there's no way I'd put kids in for the first time in middle school, so they aren't given much say in the decision before high school.  I guess if they were truly adamant about wanting to go to school, we would discuss it.  As it is, for now at least, neither of them has any desire to go to B&M school.

[Arcadia]

My kids choose since they were preschool age. The only restriction is that for private schools it must be a school that we can afford to send both boys to. So a private school that cost less than $20k per kid per year all in (tuition and misc fees) would be okay but a school that cost $40k per kid per year all in would not be affordable unless I go back to work.

 

So if the only good choice is a school that we can't afford both kids to attend, I will be securing a full time job first before telling kids it is a viable option.

[EKT]

In our house, the parents decide what is best for the children. (My husband and I don't think young children have the knowledge or life experience to make a choice of that magnitude. The consequences are just too far-reaching. We welcome and encourage lots of age-appropriate decision-making, but in our opinion, the question of whether or not to homeschool is simply too much responsibility for a child to wield.) That said, when our kids reach high school, we are more open to considering other possibilities. (Our hope and plan is to homeschool all the way through, since we have homeschooled from the beginning, but if one or both of the kids have compelling, mature reasons for seeking alternatives to homeschooling, we would consider them.) 

 

 

[TracyP]

I see it as my decision, so I've never offered my kids an option. I would consider their wishes if they requested public school, but the final say would still be mine.

[Rebel Yell]

Unless I'd had a child with needs/circumstances that made public school a better choice, homeschool through 8th grade.

 

Around the middle of 7th, we'd talk about if they wanted to go to public high school (no money for private, no good options anyway, and if I was going to have the hassle of cyber school I'd rather they just GO to school) and what they would need to do and classes to take in 8th grade to prepare them to jump in for 9th.

 

All three chose to stay at home.

[nixpix5]

In our house, the parents decide what is best for the children. (My husband and I don't think young children have the knowledge or life experience to make a choice of that magnitude. The consequences are just too far-reaching. We welcome and encourage lots of age-appropriate decision-making, but in our opinion, the question of whether or not to homeschool is simply too much responsibility for a child to wield.) That said, when our kids reach high school, we are more open to considering other possibilities. (Our hope and plan is to homeschool all the way through, since we have homeschooled from the beginning, but if one or both of the kids have compelling, mature reasons for seeking alternatives to homeschooling, we would consider them.)

This is how we feel too

[Seeking Squirrels]

We let DD be a big part of deciding if and when she would come home last year when she went to PS for 3rd. We knew we would return to homeschooling for 4th but didn't want to pull her out mid-year against her will because that would just set us up for a difficult time. But a couple of months after that point it became apparent she needed to come home then, so we pulled her. When we were truly okay with either way for the remainder of 3rd she had a lot of say, but when we were no longer okay with PS, not so much. 

 

If either child has an objection, I will hear it out and we will discuss it. Then DH and I will discuss it. I don't want to homeschool a child that REALLY doesn't want to be home, because that just sounds like a recipe for frustration and disaster. But I also won't send them if I have good reasons not to and their reasons to go don't outweigh those. In Jr. High I will give them a lot more voice and definitely in high school. I want them to be a part of the decision, with more weight the older they get, but the final call is on me and DH. 

[daijobu]

At high school they get to decide.  I have girls and I just didn't want them in a regular middle school.  I don't want them in a high school either, but you know, they are getting old enough to want some autonomy.  

[ikslo]

My son is given the option at the start of every school year. We started homeschooling because of his allergies, not because of bad schools or a specific ideology. I also work full time. If he were to decide he wanted to try public school, I absolutely would let him.

[Alice]

They know they have some choice. We don't have an exact age although definitely for high school it is their choice. Before that it is more of a talk about it as a family. Neither boy has every wanted to not homeschool. My daughter (rising third grader) cane to me this summer and said she wanted to go to school. We talked about it some. I told her we could talk about it more as the year went on but that it was a big decision and we weren't going to change things this year. She is generally very happy homeschooling and has a ton of friends. It sounded like she just wanted to try it. If she was unhappy I would have been more inclined to make a change sooner but I felt like it was too big a decision to be made on a whim. As it was she seems satisfied and I think just needed to hear that it was a possibility and that we would take her feelings into account.

[Heatherwith4]

We will definitely consider their opinions when they reach high school. Right now, none of them want to go to ps and private school is out of reach financially (although they don't ask to go there, either.)

[athomeontheprairie]

My oldest is in seventh.

Dh and I asked her opinion. BUT we prefaced it by saying "WE are making the choice annoy Advil, but are willing to listen to your opinion and hopes".

She didn't have a strong opinion, but preferred to be homeschooled.

That's what we were leaning towards, but had she said ps we would have looked into that more. (We only have one district. No private schools. We know most of the teachers and many parents. If she could have given a compelling reason, it's a good school. And we'd have considered it)

 

We will likely discuss high school with her next year. If she's going then, I'd like her to go in 8th.

[LMD]

No, we parents decide. I am willing to have reasonable discussions about things in their lives that are important to them, I am willing to find solutions and make compromses to help them towards their goals. But until they are truly mature enough to own the decision, those discussions are underpinned by the parents' decision.

[Peaceseeker]

I think there comes a certain time when I am just up for a lot of discussion in general. It's not necessarily an age or a grade though. It is when I see them maturing before my eyes and show me that they are ready. My 13 year old and I are having all kinds of conversations about many decisions and things that affect her life. I have 5 short years left and then she has the whole world waiting to see what decisions she makes on her own. Somewhere along the way the balance of power just shifted to less of mom doing everything and deciding everything to lots of conversations and practice at that decision making.

 

I am not saying it's a free for all and my kids get to decide everything but most topics are open for discussion for me through the teen years. I have a few hard limits because ultimately it is still my job to keep them safe right now, but in general I am all about listening and guiding through the teen years as opposed to deciding everything for them without hearing them out. Homeschooling or going to regular school is just one conversation among many these days!

 

They never expressed interest in regular school when they were younger (still don't actually) so I am not sure what I would have done. We had such fun in the elementary years it is hard to imagine trading that in for regular school. If I had a persistent child begging me to go who seemed miserable homeschooling I might have considered it but it just never came up. We were too busy going to park days and field trips and having picnics in the yard while reading awesome books together. I miss those days...

[Ausmumof3]

Yes and no. Because school would involve around 2 hours travel per day for me probably I am not willing to do both. If all three of my kids want school then I'll do it.

 

As with others if there was very significant resistance I'd take that into account.

[Runningmom80]

Ultimately they decide. If one wants to try school I would absolutely support them.

[Elizabeth86]

My kids choose since they were preschool age. The only restriction is that for private schools it must be a school that we can afford to send both boys to. So a private school that cost less than $20k per kid per year all in (tuition and misc fees) would be okay but a school that cost $40k per kid per year all in would not be affordable unless I go back to work.

 

So if the only good choice is a school that we can't afford both kids to attend, I will be securing a full time job first before telling kids it is a viable option.

omg i had no idea it was so expensive. The closet private school here is $3,600 a year lol.

[mytwomonkeys]

They have input with the decision, however, the details and final outcome belong to the parents.

[Liza Q]

Like so many here, I didn't allow them an option until it was time to plan for High School. Private school was not an option, but in 7th grade we started discussing it. The best public schools here require tests/applications and they would have had to start preparing during 8th grade. Two of kids considered going to school but settled on HS in the end and the others had no interest in a "real" school.

 

And. Some kids really don't know what they want. My 3rd daughter told me no about school, then asked me about going towards the end of 8th grade. I told her no as it was too late to get into anything but the worst schools and reminded her that we need some prep time. When I brought it up again several months later, she denied ever asking me and told me that she had no interest.

[Jess4879]

My oldest went through a short lived phase around grade 2 where she wanted to go to school.  We talked to her about it and the only thing she was interested in was recess.  My youngest also went through a short infatuation with riding the bus.  Both were given the option to voice what they wanted and we explained why we chose to homeschool.  We told them that if they still wanted to attend the following year, that we would discuss it.  Neither one ever brought it up after that. 

 

The topic is always open for discussion, and I value their opinion on what they want.  We aren't opposed to them going, but we expect their choice to be more solid then "recess sounds fun".  LOL  

[SilverMoon]

When they were little my kids probably never realized there was a choice to be made. LOL We've homeschooled from the beginning and they grew up with it as their normal.

 

Only one kid has really expressed a desire to go to a B&M school. The one that loves change and adventure. She's also precocious and would be bored academically. We told her once it wouldn't be worth it until she's high school age and she channelled her energy elsewhere. Even then, if we can't find a magnet or charter to suit her, she'd probably be better off going straight to dual enrollment at the CC. There's a culinary course at one she's already itching to get into.

Edited August 20, 2017 by SilverMoon

[Arcadia]

omg i had no idea it was so expensive. The closet private school here is $3,600 a year lol.

We have a baptist school that used to charge $5,600 a year but requires that the child has a baptism certificate and that the family are regular church goers. The cheapest secular private school within commute distance is about $15k all in (tuition and all miscellaneous fees).

 

The median income for my county is $$96,310 while for my zip code is $121,669.

 

My kids did pick whether they wanted to go to preschool and we toured a few that we could afford before they decided. My kids also went to public schools so they knew what it was like.

[Hobbes]

So far, we haven't had anyone ask about school, homeschool has been a great fit for us all. But we do plan to make the schooling decision for our kids. A child doesn't have a broad perspective about decisions like that and we feel strongly about our responsibility to make those decisions. We will certainly take their desires and needs into account, I think that goes with the parental responsibility.

 

I was homeschooled growing up and eventually my brother went to school because he really wanted to. It didn't turn out so well, in my opinion. My parents were much more firm about my younger siblings staying home. I think that has shaped my perspective as well - the reasons and factors for changing education situations are so varied.

[Clemsondana]

My kids are 3rd and 6th grades this year. Every year around March, before co-op sign-ups for the next year and after we've at least done part of a season for every extracurricular, we have a 'What's working and what do we need to change' discussion. We always discuss the idea of going to school, changing curriculum, adding or dropping specific activities, and how co-op classes will fit into the plans (in elementary it's all enrichment activities, but as kids get older the classes start to fill niches in my overall plan). We discuss how any particular change would affect the calendar - school would cause music lessons to be in the afternoon instead of 10 am, practice would be after school...or dropping basketball means you can get to karate more days, etc. We talk about how much downtime they want and what mix of school, play, activities, etc they want and how to best make it work.

 

Even though we as parents make the final decision, I think that letting them see what the balance looks like is important. My parents always let me have input when I was a kid - did I want the most challenging schedule, how many hours did I want to spend on activity X, did I want to try new thing Y, etc. By the time I was in high school I made my schedule and showed it to my parents for a signature (I'm sure they would have intervened if I had done something dumb). I don't want my kids to get to college and wonder how you decide what classes and extracurriculars to try, so I want them to be in the habit of 'planning' things at a young age, even though their plans are constrained to 'plans mom is willing to do' right now!

[OneStepAtATime]

We started homeschooling out of desperation and in my son's case it was a last minute decision.  DS for the remainder of 2nd grade and for 3rd grade and DD for 6th homeschooled but were not really given a choice so much as we had a conversation and explained that this was really our only option if we were going to change what was happening.  They were both absolutely on board.  

 

After that first year, though, we made the decision as a family each year for a couple of years.  I didn't start this as a philosophy.  If they wanted to return to brick and mortar I would not fight them on it.  I would have supported them.   Neither wants to go back to a standard brick and mortar school now, though.

[desertstrawberry5]

No. The decision is mine.

[Megbo]

We've homeschooled from the beginning and our kids are quite young, so homeschooling is a parenting decision that we've made without their input. As they get older, I'm sure their opinions about whether we should continue homeschooling or try public/private school will grow stronger and carry more weight in our family discussions. Still, I can't imagine we'll ever fully hand the decision over to them. 

 

We considered Dss's input when private vs. public school options came up in 7th and 9th grade, but the final decision came from the parents. 

[Zoo Keeper]

We are open to hearing their reasons for or against homeschooling, but the final decision rests with the parents.

 

There is no set in stone answer, because people and circumstances change. 

[IsabelC]

We give serious consideration to the kids' thoughts and preferences, but ultimately the decisions have been made by me and their father up to this point.  At the moment, our whole family is in agreement that home ed is the better option for us. But if one of them wanted to go to school at 16 or 17yo, we wouldn't stop them.

[lmrich]

High school

[scbusf]

We decide. My DS, who is currently 11, has recently been talking about wanting to go to high school. We told him that when it gets closer to the time for high school, we would listen to his reasons, but the final decision will be made by us.

[bethben]

We choose. My #3 in junior high would probably choose to full time homeschool until graduation, but I'm not totally sure that would be healthy for his personality type. He will most likely do a hybrid university model school almost full time next year despite what he wants. He has found though every time we push him out of the nest a little more, he does like it. My dd also thought she preferred homeschooling but she really needed public school for my sanity. She loves it. If we decide to bring her home again, it will be with much prayer and thought into what is best for her. We have always felt like as parents, we do know what is best for our kids.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[lllll]

nm

Edited September 6, 2017 by lllllll

[Harriet Vane]

I gave my kids the choice for high school. One chose to homeschool all the way through, and the other is currently in a brick-and-mortar private school. Both kids have been very happy with their choices. I have been pleased with their paths as well.

 

The process of choosing involved shadowing at the schools that were an option and lots of long talks about factors, reasons, considerations.

[MinivanMom]

We have given our kids the choice at the beginning of middle school (6th) and again at the beginning of high school (9th). We didn't want them going into middle school midstream and it isn't possible to go into high school midstream, so it has been an "in or out"-type of decision. Our oldest two chose to stay home for middle school, but our oldest has now chosen to attend public high school. 

 

Letting them decide is part of the larger conversation we have each year regarding the direction of their education, which classes they will take, which extra-curricular activities they will be involved in, etc. 

[Mimm]

I let mine decide in 8th grade.

[Loowit]

We had discussions about it when they were in elementary, but it was understood that DH and I made the final decision.  When DD hit high school age we let her choose.  Once she hit high school, it was a decision until she graduated. Homeschool credits weren't going to be accepted in our local high school if she decided to go later on.  She chose to continue homeschooling.  I didn't bother to talk to DS, who is starting his freshman year, about it this summer.  I knew that he didn't want to go to the public high school, but if he had I would have let him with some hesitation.

[Melissa B]

We are allowing our third dd to attend high school. She has been asking to go to school pretty much since kindergarten. :) If I don't have her cooperation, it doesn't seem homeschooling would accomplish any of our objectives for doing so in the first place. We agreed in 6th grade that she could go to high school, if that was still her choice. She is now entering 8th grade - and her last year of homeschooling.

[ScoutTN]

No, because the public schools where we live are terrible (except for one, which is nationally ranked in the top 100 public high schools. Lottery entrance. Dd could swing it, if she wanted to. Ds could not.) and we cannot afford private school. We have excellent homeschool options, (tutorials, online classes, free cc) and our kids have plenty of friends and social activities.

 

Like others have said, we listen to our kids and try to take their preferences into account. But the final decision is ours.

Edited August 24, 2017 by ScoutTN

[Julie of KY]

It's my decision and my kids know that the plan is to homeschool through high school. That said, I would certainly be open to them discussing options, but they have never expressed any interest. They know that they can always express opinions and we will consider their opinion. 

[Ivey]

We let our kids decide for high school. The older three stayed home, but Ds14 chose to start public high school last week. 

 

Before high school, we would strongly consider sending a child to school if they wanted to go. None of ours have even brought it up. 

[RootAnn]

When they are younger, we decide. We take it kid by kid & year by year. (If anyone talks about them going, it is me threatening to send them, usually in a two-three week span in the spring when they are driving me crazy and the option enrollment to the district over is still open.)

 

We had dd#1 tour the high school in the next district over. She choose to continue to homeschool. DD#2 is not interested in going to the local high school (where her best friend goes), so she's home for the foreseeable future. It is difficult, but not impossible to transition to high school here after one has already started high school - much harder locally vs. the next district over where they are more flexible & nicer to work with.

 

Will probably let my social diva dd#3 decide when she gets to high school. Her biggest issue is that she's accelerated grade-level wise (because I keep her with dd#2 as much as possible for ease of my schedule), but they wouldn't let her into the next grade up because she doesn't meet the cutoff date (not even close). They don't wiggle on that at all. Her friends are almost all a grade up from where they'd put her, making it not nearly as worth it for her.

 

The social stuff becomes so much more important as they enter 6th-8th grade (girls) and high school. Finding & being able to spend time with friends is an on-going issue. 

[Bluegoat]

I don't consider it a parental decision only once they start to get older.  With a younger child, really I don't think they have the knowledge or maturity to have much say in the decision.  But by late elementary they do, I think, have some say.

 

How much might well depend on other elements - I'm not sending a child to a school I think is unsafe, for example.

 

That being said, by the time high school rolls around, I don't think it's appropriate for the parent to make the decision alone.  It's too much about the child.  But practically, it's also not going to work well without buy-in from the student.  

[heartlikealion]

We did ask ds his thoughts, but I feel like dh would have vetoed the go to public school choice had he said that. We tried private and around the time you could withdraw your child without paying full tuition we asked if he wanted to stay or come home. He'd been complaining about school a lot. Ultimately he decided to stay. His feelings on school were wishy washy the rest of the year. We told him he would not return to the private school due to cost this year (other reasons too but don't know how much we elaborated) and he was pretty much ok with that. At that time dh and I could have been swayed either way because on the one hand, it would save us money to withdraw him, but on the other hand we felt like he should finish off the year there and also give the new teacher a chance (they finally got a real teacher after months of a long term sub).

 

Later I asked him if he had a choice would he pick homeschool or public. We have not heard many great things about the public school, but I think a lot of it is feedback from people that have never used it. He said he was too shy and felt more comfortable staying home where he could ask me questions. He was always so timid about asking questions in class and lots of things seemed to get lost. Literally and figuratively. He was terrible at keeping up with papers, verbal reminders, his lunch box, etc. He was kinda negative about recess, too. If he lost recess (due to the teacher keeping the kids in the room for behavior or make up work) he'd complain sometimes, but if he got recess he'd say he didn't really like it. He didn't fit in well, wasn't great at sports, etc. I know the public school has more support for children that struggle with organization and stuff. I talked about it when I toured the school. I also wondered if he'd be ahead or behind or what. I know the curriculum there is different than what he's done. I know a couple of years ago more than half the kids failed a reading test to move onto the next grade so that concerned me. I have come to find out since then, though, that a large number of students that failed had vision problems. The local optometrist told us that.

 

That's a long winded answer for your question, but basically we do consider ds' feelings on the matter. Dh said ultimately he wants ds to be happy, so I suppose if ds begged to go to public school we would maybe consider it with the caveat that we could pull him back out if it wasn't a good fit? I really don't know, though.

 

We're just taking things year by year or day by day? lol I don't know how much influence ds will have on our final decision but we'd hear him out and factor in his opinion for sure.

Edited August 25, 2017 by heartlikealion

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I frame this as a parental decision, but I would take any objection very seriously (if it was a serious objection).

 

 

Ditto this.