Anyone with only one child?

[Mommyof1]

How do you handle homeschooling and meeting their need for playing with other kids?

[desertflower]

I had one child for a little while.  I joined a mom's group, went to museums, and to the park.  At the time I wasn't homeschooling, so I guess now I joined a homeschool group instead of a mom's group.  ;) 

 

Now that's for a younger child, don't know if it's the same for an older child.  My guess would be join sports and other camps, clubs.  Also, try seeing if there's a homeschool group in your area or sometimes some museums offer classes for homeschoolers. 

 

Hope this helps.

[OneStepAtATime]

Is your child part of any extracurriculars that get them around other kids?   Girl scouts?  Local 4-H chapter?  Karate?  Team sports?  

 

If so, you might look into getting to know the parents better and see if any of their children seem like a good fit.  Have a few play dates at a park to see how they do, then maybe schedule play dates at your house periodically.

 

Any neighborhood kids? 

 

Do you have any homeschooling groups in the area?  They might have play gatherings/park days that might meet your child's needs.

 

How old is the child and what are their interests?  Are they outgoing?  Introverted?  Shy (not the same as introverted)? What about you?

Edited August 18, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[Pegs]

This is something we find pretty difficult. DS' autism and related challenges make it hard for him to connect with other kids in group settings, because he gets pretty overwhelmed. I try to set up one-on-one playdates for him, and he sees the same kids every week at gymnastics.

 

He's interested in trying scouts, which might be another way to meet new kids in a supportive environment. I don't know. We'll see how that goes.

 

Basically, I don't know what I'm doing, and I'll be watching this thread with interest!

[Mommyof1]

She is 4 and very, very social. She will talk or play with any adult or child it doesn't matter to her.

 

We go to the park. Playgroup and storytelling at the library.

 

She has play dates on occasion but her

friends that she has just started school or went back to school.

 

There isn't money for sports or lessons at this time.

[Guest]

DS didn't really have any regular interaction with kids his age beyond 1 hour in Sunday school each week until he was about 4. 

We moved and he sees homeschooled friends regularly (because the moms are my friends first).  Also his gymnastics class, while being skill-driven, is also very social so he gets some outlet there.

 

At your DD's age, I would just take her to the park and let her play with other kids there or hang out at the library.

[OneStepAtATime]

She is 4 and very, very social. She will talk or play with any adult or child it doesn't matter to her.

 

We go to the park. Playgroup and storytelling at the library.

 

She has play dates on occasion but her

friends that she has just started school or went back to school.

 

There isn't money for sports or lessons at this time.

Have you checked into city run programs that are at low or no cost?  Local book store?  Sometimes they have things happening for littles that are no cost.  

 

I would look into local homeschooling groups since you need kids that are not going to school during the day, if you haven't already.  

 

And you might consider some sort of half day play based program 2-3 times per week if one is available through the local school system.  

[Mommyof1]

I forgot to mention she also has Sunday School.

 

She is the type that wants to be around other kids playing all the time. Realistically that's not possible.

[KarenNC]

I have an only, homeschooled from age 4 and now in her senior year! She attended preschool from age 2-4 (2 half days at 2, 3 at 3, 4 at 4). The best thing we did was to join an inclusive homeschool group right at the start, when she was 4.5 yo. This group provided a pretty consistent group of kids that she's grown up with, and is still friends with many, though of course some have moved on to something else or moved away. Initially, the biggest thing was the weekly park day where we would stay for hours. As time went on, the parents in the group arranged field trips, co-op classes, a Girl Scout troop, FIRST Lego League robotics team, spelling bee, Science Olympiad teams, holiday parties, a yearly awards ceremony, yearbook, and other various things. It has been her main social outlet. 

 

In addition to the homeschool group, I took her to homeschool days at museums and historic sites, activities/classes at the library, the nature center, and rec center. We started with some outsourced classes in middle school and she is now in her second year of full time dual enrollment at the community college. She did gymnastics at Little Gym for a couple of years and along with my husband has been taking aikido since she was 6. That started at once a week and grew to several days a week as a teen. Her best friend is the public-schooled daughter of the sensei. We've been involved with the UU church her entire life, but her best friends have come from other activities. We moved to a neighborhood with a lot of kids when she was five, but she has never really connected with any of them.

 

Looking back, I worked way too hard to keep her constantly busy in preschool and early elementary. I was convinced if I didn't take her to every single opportunity I heard about I would totally ruin her life! My husband finally had to tell me she didn't need to have every possible educational experience before she turned 6. :)

[Mommyof1]

Pegs,

 

My Dd does better one on one or small group. If the group is large she gets really wild and out of control.

[Jame]

I have an only and that has been a challenge to me, because we live in a really rural area. There's a hsing group that meets regularly and that would be about an hour drive for us. He's an introvert, so it doesn't bother him too much, but this year I'm going to really search for hsers closer to us. There are a few activities in the area; karate, art classes, etc, so I'm going to start there and see if we can meet some other hsers closer to us that would like to get together once a week or something. I had good intentions to be more social last year, but once the winter hits (we live in Wi) we tend to be hermits for a while. 

[Petrichor]

Pegs,

 

My Dd does better one on one or small group. If the group is large she gets really wild and out of control.

 

My DS was like that too. 

 

He didn't have a lot of chances to be around other kids. He played outside in the trees by himself around age 4/5 and we attended the odd playgroup, but more often than not, he was just with me or other adults until he was about 6yo and started attending weekday extracurriculars. 

 

I just didn't have the energy to take him anywhere around other kids - he would get crazy, and nearly every time I had to carry him out of the place kicking and screaming.

 

We had him in a sport at age 5 and really, just acted crazy and didn't listen to the coach there. He is much better now :D

 

I think it's fine to just let preschoolers spend time playing with toys, books, and art supplies on their own. Play with them sometimes, but let them lead and give them a ton of room to do their own thing all by themselves without interference. Take them to see the fire truck when the fire station has an open house. Take them to other "field trip" type places once in a while if you can. Give them the opportunity to be around other kids at least an average of once a month (preferably a little bit more than that, but there is such a thing as too much imo.)

[PeterPan]

Pegs,

 

My Dd does better one on one or small group. If the group is large she gets really wild and out of control.

 

 

...She is the type that wants to be around other kids playing all the time. Realistically that's not possible.

 

 

I wonder if you might connect dots over time and find those two are connected. Girl ADHD is going to present in some ways differently from boy ADHD. Their girl strengths make you think it's not going on, so the behaviors just seem odd.

 

Given her age, given that you're finding she has some self-regulation issues, you might kind of just keep in mind that idea that something more could be going on. There's usually/often some social delay with ADHD. I'm not saying she has ADHD, but she's young. And you could go ok, she's 4, even if she's really bright, and try to work extra hard to keep your expectations developmentally appropriate. So that way, if it's not so much that she needs to play with other kids an unusual amount, but that she needs to move an unusual amount, can't structure her time, can't busy herself, can't remember her choices, gets BORED because she can't remember her choices and busy herself... then you're being sensitive to that and noticing that and giving her some structure for that.

 

YOU are the ideal playmate right now for you. As an adult, you can push back and work on self-regulation, etc., etc. in the context of games. She's really in the ideal setting, in that sense.

 

My dd was only for the first 10 years, and I probably didn't get her *as much* social as some people would have thought ideal. Oh well. I told her college would be awesome, and she's having a GREAT time. I sent her away to summer camps, etc., and she formed friendships there around mutual interests. Now she's back to college, and she has SO many friends. And it's nice because they're diverse friendships, not just a narrow clique from a few people she grew up with. 

[Mommyof1]

Can a girl with ADHD paint for hours though?

 

My husband and one of my nephews is ADHD and neither of them could do that ever. They couldn't focus. She has incredible focus and concentration especially with art.

 

She gets wild and out of control when she is tired and over stimulated. She is happiest is small groups.

 

She is an extrovert with introverted parents. She just wants to have a playmate and play with their toys. Sometimes just their toys.

Edited August 19, 2017 by Mommyof1

[OneStepAtATime]

Can a girl with ADHD paint for hours though?

 

My husband and one of my nephews is ADHD and neither of them could do that ever. They couldn't focus.

 

She gets wild and out of control when she is tired and over stimulated. She is happiest is small groups.

Yes.  Actually kids with ADHD (and adults too) can often hyper focus on something that really interests them and can frequently do it for hours and hours.  That doesn't mean that your child has ADHD.  I'm not saying that.  I'm saying that yes, this can happen.  Absolutely.  But she may not have ADHD at all.  She just may be really wild and out of control when she is tired and overstimulated, which is, IMHO, a perfectly normal reaction for a lot of little kids.  

Edited August 19, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[Mommyof1]

Good to know.

[Jackie]

Can a girl with ADHD paint for hours though?

Sorry, just on this due to lack of time.

 

Yes. Definitely yes. We did very thorough testing with DD this past spring due to a variety of issues. She was diagnosed with Combined Type ADHD, which is very consistent with what I've observed. And she can spent hours painting and sculpting.

[tdbates78]

I have twins, so technically not an only child but they are the same age and I struggle with socialization as well. There are quite a few HS groups and co-ops in our area but we are a secular homeschooling family and definitely in the minority around here because of it. We do a lot of homeschooling days at our local museums and libraries, they are both involved in extracurricular activities (HS pottery for one, tumbling for the other), HS PE through our local YMCA and fortunately they do have PS neighborhood kids to play with. But its a concern of mine, especially since one of my girls has HF autism and already lacks some social skills.

[Heathermomster]

How do you handle homeschooling and meeting their need for playing with other kids?

My children are 8 years apart. My youngest child attends weekly co-op on Friday, plays basketball, takes violin lessons, and attends Wed. night and Sun. church activities. She makes friends wherever she goes. We are social as a family, so friends eat over quite a bit. We also visit. I craft with DD, so we share some hobbies.

 

Once DD finishes school work, she is pretty much free to do whatever she likes. DD usually tells me if she is lonely. We draw, play games, and put together puzzles while listening to audio books.

[Angie in VA]

Sports and music. ;) 

 

Sure music can (and, if at all possible) should involve private lessons, but eventually you can add on band or orchestra. 

Full disclosure: sports didn't mean making friends for one of mine. We were in a good ole boy county and were always considered outsiders. And my son was a good player too. But he did make friends at TKD. 

 

Both of mine found their tribe in speech and debate. Not sure why that worked out that way, but I guess hours spent working on cases and briefs and traveling to tournaments allowed for bonding time. 

[Mommyof1]

I like the idea of sports and music lessons. When we can, that is exactly what I will do.

 

I'm not really interested in a co op at this age. If I could find one that is just for social that would be great.

[PeterPan]

If she's having that much trouble regulating her behavior, then putting her in something just for social might not be the best next step. I would read online about programs like ALERT (How does your motor run) and begin implementing some things like that with her. You can talk about turtle speed and rabbit speed and practice modulating. Like do something rousing (an obstacle course!) and then stop, inventory how you feel (pulse, breathing, face flushed, etc.), and then do something calming. You can alternate it back and forth like this, so she can begin to recognize how her body is feeling. You can also use timers and alarms to help her have routines that get things done *before* she gets over-tired or over-stimulated. I know it's hard to notice those patterns sometimes. We use a lot of alarms with my ds.

 

I'm sorry to make you feel defensive about the ADHD thing. My dd is diagnosed, and yes I agree with the others that girl ADHD is so different from boy ADHD that it's very possible to miss it. Girls are often later diagnosed or under-diagnosed with ADHD, with ASD, because of this gender bias. People have one image and they hold to it. What you're describing is very much what I would expect in an ADHD presentation. Or a gifted dc who maybe needs some instruction in self-regulation. You don't know. Like how high is the IQ running in your family? There's a point where they start to overlap, ADHD and giftedness. 

 

Either way, some instruction in ALERT, in social thinking, etc. would be good. And what you'll find is the less delays there are, the more readily it can click. Like with my ds, you can do this stuff and he's like whoosh, no clue. He has autism. I would read him Julia Cook books a couple years ago and just no clue, no click. Then you've got kids who are just gonna read it and pick up the clue phone. And you've got kids who are maybe going to benefit from some meds to help their bodies slow down and notice and attend to how they're feeling.

 

The new programs, like Zones of Regulation, are just good stuff. You've got whole schools implementing Zones of Regulation and teachers implementing it with ALL the kids in their class. This ALERT thing I'm suggesting you google is the younger version. It's where they started my ds, because Zones was too complex. Even now, my ds at 8, because of his autism, really struggles with that. He's just not going to get a lot of click. But you get a girl, no autism, and at age 5 they can really USE it and apply it and get somewhere with it, kwim? So it's good stuff. You don't even have to pay a ton of money for it. You can go onto pinterest, look for how people are implementing it, get the jist, and boom you'll be there. Or you can come to LC.

 

The LC (learning challenges) board here would be a fabulous resource for you. You DON'T have to have a diagnosis to come hang there. 

 

Fwiw, I thought about getting evals for my dd when she was younger (1st gr, 6) and didn't. I actually called and got the blow-off. Dumbest thing ever. We waited till she was 10/11, and there was so much water under the bridge by then. 

 

It's easier for her to learn play skills with an adult. There are some really good books on play (Hanen, Floortime, etc.) that might inspire you. It's a luxury you have as a homeschooler. If you can get some lists for play development, you can see where she is. Like she should be outgrowing parallel play at this point.

Edited August 19, 2017 by OhElizabeth

[Mimm]

I'm in a similar boat. Veeery social 3 and a half year old. She has older sisters but there's an 11 year gap between Middle and Youngest. She would happily play with other kids basically all the time, and I expend a lot of effort meeting her social needs. She has free play time, running around a park or playing with toys, but I also have her in dance and gymnastics. She does very well in small group classes like that. She follows directions, and follows the lead of the other kids (so it's important that the teacher/coach keep order in the class). She adores these activities and begs to go between classes.

 

I kinda feel like she's one of those overscheduled toddlers everyone complains about but she has lots of free time and she's just super social. So much more social than me. I would love to just hang at home, but out we go, because of we don't, she starts driving me crazy very quickly.

 

Anyway, I do worry that homeschooling won't be as good for her as public school might be, then I read another article about how standardized testing, or children being asked to sit at a desk for hours, or whatever. Just because my child would probably fit easily into a classroom doesn't mean it's actually good for her. We will homeschool, at least at first. And I'll run all over town keeping her as involved in things outside the house as possible.

[deerforest]

We have an only, and when she was that age we joined a local group of other kids her age who planned to homeschool. But, at that age it was just all field trips and fun projects and park gatherings. 

 

I think most of the families who were most active in that group still homeschool even though our kids are mostly in 8th-9th grade now. The group slowly disbanded over time as everyone just folded into the regular homeschool groups. But, it was one of my daughter's favorite groups, and she still remembers it after all these years.

 

I actually feel like the hardest years with an only were more likely ages 6-9, but that had a lot to do with our schedule changes. I had to work really hard to make sure she was seeing friends and doing activities she liked.

 

She's in 8th grade now and has her own interests and activities. We have a couple of homeschool activities that we do that she loves, but most of her friendships nowadays are with others, regardless of school, who share the same passion/obsession with aerial/circus stuff. 

 

DD tells me to stop worrying about whether she sees friends enough so I try to follow her lead in that now that she's older.

Edited August 20, 2017 by deerforest

[Seasons]

We have one. He is home schooled and extremely social. When he was younger he enjoyed Sunday school, Awana, piano lessons, VBS, art classes, theater classes, summer corner ball club, playing and talking with children and adults at parks and McDonald's playland, a variety of sports and swimming lessons . He's 11 now and he sings with a boys choir that rehearses over 4 hours a week, studies piano, attends horse camp, Awana, Sunday school and just started band at our public school. When he gets bored at home he asks if he can visit our few neighbors to chat and catch up on the latest. All of them are over 75 and welcome his company and enthusiasm.

[mschickie]

My dd became an only at home in 2nd grade when sd moved out for college.   Over the years we participated in a co-op, did a variety of sports, found another hs family in the neighborhood, Girl Scouts, American Heritage Girls, music lessons, orchestra and 4h. (not all of those at the same time   :laugh: )  She would also do virtual playdates via the phone and some computer games (at the time Webkinz or Build a Bear).  Now at 14 she has a very active social life and when she cannot get together in person with her friends they find time to do a Google Hangout so they are constantly talking. 

[2_girls_mommy]

Can a girl with ADHD paint for hours though?

 

My husband and one of my nephews is ADHD and neither of them could do that ever. They couldn't focus. She has incredible focus and concentration especially with art.

 

She gets wild and out of control when she is tired and over stimulated. She is happiest is small groups.

 

She is an extrovert with introverted parents. She just wants to have a playmate and play with their toys. Sometimes just their toys.

Yes! My only diagnosed ADHD is a girl child with hyperfocus, not hyperactivity! She was always hyperfocused on what she liked. It is what used to be called ADD *attention deficit disorder. She hyperfocuses so much on what is in her brain that she cannot focus on time schedules, holding more than one instruction at a time, organization, etc. She is our absent minded professor! So so so smart. Tests amazingly, but her notebooks are a mess.  She can't get up on her own or out the door on time, remember to take her vitamins that she takes everyday, etc. 

[2_girls_mommy]

I'm in a similar boat. Veeery social 3 and a half year old. She has older sisters but there's an 11 year gap between Middle and Youngest. She would happily play with other kids basically all the time, and I expend a lot of effort meeting her social needs. She has free play time, running around a park or playing with toys, but I also have her in dance and gymnastics. She does very well in small group classes like that. She follows directions, and follows the lead of the other kids (so it's important that the teacher/coach keep order in the class). She adores these activities and begs to go between classes.

 

I kinda feel like she's one of those overscheduled toddlers everyone complains about but she has lots of free time and she's just super social. So much more social than me. I would love to just hang at home, but out we go, because of we don't, she starts driving me crazy very quickly.

 

Anyway, I do worry that homeschooling won't be as good for her as public school might be, then I read another article about how standardized testing, or children being asked to sit at a desk for hours, or whatever. Just because my child would probably fit easily into a classroom doesn't mean it's actually good for her. We will homeschool, at least at first. And I'll run all over town keeping her as involved in things outside the house as possible.

Ours are a very similar age spread. Mine are 15, 13, and 3. So I have a 10 year age gap.  Mine will be like an only most of her schooling life. She will be in 2nd grade when they are both out of the house into college. So from then on it will be just her and me. I think that is kind of ideal though. I will really get to focus on her at that point. At this point my focus is on the older kids' school. I have a few more intense high school years while trying to balance some preschool and early elementary. After that, I can really shift gears and focus on her needs. 

 

I am so involved in homeschool communities here though that I don't worry about her being the only.  She already does two preschool co-ops, Sunday School, dance class, and goes to scout meetings with us. She will join our troop when she is 5.   These are the communities that our whole family is involved in and have been since the bigs were little.  We live in a neighborhood with kids to play with everyday, and next year I almost positively will have a before and after care kid her age to play with every morning before and after her public school preK day.