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What can I say to calm my MIL with Alzheimers?


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#1 Hannah

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 10:13 AM

My 79yo mother-in-law has been living alone since she was widowed 15 years ago. She has a four bedroom house with a pool and lives with a very old dog and a cat.  Dh is an only child and we live rurally about and hour and a half away from her.  We help her financially and to care for her house.

 

For years we've been trying to convince MIL to move into and old age village, and she has been at the top of the waiting list a number of times, but turned them down. After the third refusal, you go back to the bottom of the list.  Every time we broached the subject it turned into an argument.

 

Things came to a head nearly three weeks ago when she was hospitalized for an unrelated matter.  She was delirious during this time and apart from calling the neighbours to take her to hospital, she cannot remember having been there.  CT scans revealed that her brain is calcifying and that she definitely has Alzheimers.  The 11 days in hospital has also caused a step change for the worse in her condition.  Except when she talks about the past, she is on a 10 minutes cycle repeating the same thing.

 

When she was discharged from hospital, we were advised that she needs supervision and could not be allowed to go back to her own how.  She has been with us for the last 10 days.  She cannot stay here because dh and I both work full time and have to return to work.  The children go to a cottage school afew days a week and a tutor comes to our house on the other days.

 

We have now found her a care home to got to.  Its not ideal size wise, as all we could get in this short time is a room with bathroom.  The facility comes recommended for dementia care.  She passed her 'admission interview' and she is going to the home on Monday. 

 

To say that MIL is extremely unhappy about this situation is an understatement.  I can understand that that this is very distressing and that her whole life is turned upside down.  Up to now she was independent and we've now taken that from her.  She rages against us and she says all kinds of things.  I know she may not mean it, but it does hurt to be told that we have never loved her, that she has never cared for me, that we are enjoying tormenting her, that we are trying to kill her, and and and.

 

She obviously does not believe that there is anything wrong with her, says that the doctors are liars, we don't know what we are talking about etc.  We repeatedly and soothingly try to explain that she has Alzheimers, that it means that she forgets things, that it has become unsafe for her to live alone, and that she has to be stabilised first.

 

MIL is a devout Catholic and goes to adoration and mass a few times per week. She says that she has always prayed that Goduld let her look after herself and the He has now forsaken her.  She keeps saying that she does not know what she has done wrong to deserve this.

 

I am emotionally drained and absolutely exhausted.  Are there any (magic) words I can say (on repeat) that will calm and sooth her and that may get through to her?

 


Edited by Hannah, 12 August 2017 - 10:17 AM.


#2 OneStepAtATime

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 10:21 AM

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

BTDT

 

Sadly her brain function is such that nothing you say (as way of an explanation) can help her truly understand and accept her situation.  I hate to be blunt like that but really, she is going to cycle through the bad things she perceives as happening and nothing you say will be able to help her understand and get her to accept what is happening.  You might be able to distract her, though.  I found it was best to simply not even talk about things that upset them that they cannot or should not change.  Cognitively they just are not able at this stage to process and remember and think through enough to be rational.  Distract.  Talk about other things.  Keep her mind focused elsewhere.  

 

ETA: I agree with below posts, though. offer sympathy, keep information to the very bare minimum, but don't ignore her.  That probably won't help either and will hurt her.

 

And no, unless she was always this way, she absolutely would NOT mean the horrible things she is saying if she were in her right mind.  She is not.  She can't help it.  It still hurts (a lot) and it is hard not to take it personally but the person in front of you can no longer be the person they once were.  It isn't their fault.  This is one of the primary reasons this disease is so horrible.   It changes people into people that act hatefully and with anger and paranoia and sometimes aggression (my grandmother's sister assaulted her when she got to this stage and ended up breaking her nose and embedding her glasses in her skin).  Please try hard not to take it personally.  She really cannot help it.  Her brain is damaged and not functioning like it should.

 

This won't be an easy process but you are doing the right thing.  She needs daily care because her mental faculties are such she can no longer be trusted to make rational decisions.  She could hurt herself and others (not even intentionally but accidentally).  Treat her with love and respect as much as you can, visit her, show her you care, but try not to engage in arguments.  It won't help.  You can't fix this.  You can only help all of you survive this.

 

I'm in tears typing this.  I know what you are going through.  I'm so sorry.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:


Edited by OneStepAtATime, 12 August 2017 - 02:47 PM.

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#3 JIN MOUSA

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 10:25 AM

My MIL also has Alzheimer's. Her disease has not progressed to the extent of your MIL's yet, but I find it helpful to think of communicating with her the way I would with a toddler. I answer her questions (because no answer doesn't work), with as little information as possible, so as not to increase the questions. Logic doesn't work, and even if it does work one time, the issue comes up again. 

 

It seems like she's past the point of understanding the why, and not being able to understand it, she certainly won't agree with it. I would try to acknowledge her feelings with something like, "I hear you," "That's really difficult," or "I can tell you're really upset."

 

When she asks why, maybe something like, "This is just the way it is," "Going back to your house isn't going to work," or "This will be your home," followed by one of the phrases above. 

 

Then prepare yourself to repeat the above, over and over. 

 

:grouphug:  It's such a terrible disease.


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#4 NorthwestMom

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 10:31 AM

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I cared for my mother with Alzheimer's and she had to be placed in afacility for her safety too. I am so sorry you are going through this. 

My 79yo mother-in-law has been living alone since she was widowed 15 years ago. She has a four bedroom house with a pool and lives with a very old dog and a cat.  Dh is an only child and we live rurally about and hour and a half away from her.  We help her financially and to care for her house.

 

For years we've been trying to convince MIL to move into and old age village, and she has been at the top of the waiting list a number of times, but turned them down. After the third refusal, you go back to the bottom of the list.  Every time we broached the subject it turned into an argument.

 

Things came to a head nearly three weeks ago when she was hospitalized for an unrelated matter.  She was delirious during this time and apart from calling the neighbours to take her to hospital, she cannot remember having been there.  CT scans revealed that her brain is calcifying and that she definitely has Alzheimers.  The 11 days in hospital has also caused a step change for the worse in her condition.  Except when she talks about the past, she is on a 10 minutes cycle repeating the same thing. This is typical

 

When she was discharged from hospital, we were advised that she needs supervision and could not be allowed to go back to her own how.  She has been with us for the last 10 days.  She cannot stay here because dh and I both work full time and have to return to work.  The children go to a cottage school afew days a week and a tutor comes to our house on the other days. Don't feel guilty. It is incredibly hard and disruptive to live with a person with Alzheimer's. Been there, done that. I will never even attempt that again, and I have no guilt about that.

 

We have now found her a care home to got to.  Its not ideal size wise, as all we could get in this short time is a room with bathroom.  The facility comes recommended for dementia care.  She passed her 'admission interview' and she is going to the home on Monday. Great!

 

To say that MIL is extremely unhappy about this situation is an understatement.  I can understand that that this is very distressing and that her whole life is turned upside down.  Up to now she was independent and we've now taken that from her.  She rages against us and we soothingly and calmly try to explain the situation.  And says all kinds of things.  I know she may not mean it, but it does hurt to be told that we have never loved her, that she has never cared for me, that we are enjoying tormenting her, that we are trying to kill her, and and and. Try not to take it personally. She has an injured brain and is speaking form a place of deep fear.

 

She obviously does not believe that there is anything wrong with her, says that the doctors are liars, we don't know what we are talking about and and and.  We repeatedly and soothingly try to explain that she has Alzheimers, that it means that she forgets things, that it has become unsafe for her to live alone, and that she has to be stabilised first. You are correct - her brain tells her that her perceptions are correct, so she doesn't think that she is wrong, she thinks you are wrong. There is a term called "anosognosia" which means that she can't recognize  her own illness. She literally can't perceive it with her injured brain, so trying to convince her that it is true is just making her more agitated and upset. You might have more luck just repeatedly telling her that the doctors think that she needs care for the condition she was originally hospitalized with (not Alzheimer's,since she can't accept that diagnosis) and put the responsibility on them. Often elderly people will respect the doctor's opinion and be a little more compliant. I told my mother the doctor wanted her in a facility due to knee problems, since there were no stairs there like at my house. It helped. in reality, she  had to move because she eloped several times and also started to try to "feed" my newborn baby large chunks of food that she might have choked on. She would not have even remembered those incidents and would not have accepted those reasons, so her knee got the blame.

 

MIL is a devout Catholic and goes to adoration and mass a few times per week. She says that she has always prayed that Goduld let her look after herself and the He has now forsaken her.  She keeps saying that she does not know what she has done wrong to deserve this. Maybe ask her priest to visit with her? Or there may be Catholic visits in her new home.

 

I am emotionally drained and absolutely exhausted.  Are there any (magic) words I can say (on repeat) that will calm and sooth her and that may get through to her? Unfortunately not, because she is not capable of understanding the situation she is in. Keep your explanations simple and don't bother telling her about the Alzheimer's any more - it doesn't help and she doesn't believe it. Let her be "right" in an argument as often as you can to keep the peace. This too will pass. Expect that she will lose some functionality as she transitions to her new home, since it is hard for people with Alzheimer's to learn to new routines and she won't be able to rely on years of habit, like she did in her old house.

 

Hopefully this situation will stabilize soon for you!

 


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#5 Sassenach

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 10:39 AM

My grandmother accused my grandfather and my mom and aunt of sleeping together and conspiring against her. This was so, so far outside both her character and the nature of her marriage, all I can say is that dementia/Alzheimer's is a b!tch. She's not in her right mind. Try your best to not take her accusations personally.
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#6 Hannah

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 11:41 AM

Thank you for the kind advice and reassurance that we are doing the right thing - I feel so guilty for looking forward to Monday.

I"ve shown the thread to my dh and daughters and we were all able to gain a bit more understanding and compassion.

 

 


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#7 Seasider

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 11:50 AM

Pick up a copy of The 36 Hour Day. It is an essential guidebook for dealing with this situation.

(((Hugs)))
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#8 Scarlett

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:01 PM

I haven't read the replies but surely they can give her something to calm her agitation. Will she be near you guys?

((((Hugs))))
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#9 Storygirl

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:12 PM

I'm very sorry. Mom has Alzheimer's and lived with us for almost a year. Every day was like that for us. She could not understand why she could not go home and would get very angry. She would tell me I was mean, etc., yell at me, argue, and ask the same questions over and over and over. When she went into the nursing home, she was angry and couldn't understand and would beg to come home.

 

It's the Alzheimer's, and it's not going to change, I'm sorry to say.

 

Actually, it will change, when she moves into later stages. My mom, for example, does not speak at all any more. It's heartbreaking, but she is much more content at this later stage.

 

You can ask her doctor if anxiety meds might help. We didn't use them when Mom was staying with me, but the nursing home did put her on one when she first went there, and it helped.

 

Remind yourself that you are doing the right thing, even though she does not understand it.

 

Sometimes facilities will suggest you don't visit for a bit, while they settle into their new surroundings, because it can be hard for them to see you come and go. I don't know if this place will be that way, but be ready to accept that if they make the request.


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#10 Hannah

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:13 PM

I haven't read the replies but surely they can give her something to calm her agitation. Will she be near you guys?

((((Hugs))))

 

She was started on Alzheimer meds. 

There was nowhere available near us.  She is going to be near where she used to live - so near her church.  We will be seeing her weekly.
 


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#11 Storygirl

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:14 PM

The Alzheimer's drugs won't calm the anxiety. Ask about anxiety meds.


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#12 Hannah

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:24 PM

Thanks, we will ask about the anxiety meds on Monday. 

Its terrible how an infection and accompanying delirium has caused her to deteriorate so quickly.  The neurologist explained it as the loss of a critical mass of brain cells, where every one lost now has an effect. 


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#13 Tanaqui

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:29 PM

*hugs*

 

I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. I don't have any advice, and hope never to be in this situation, but what others have said sounds sensible to me.


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#14 Katy

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:30 PM

Read the 36 Hour Day.

 

The fear and anxiety are a natural part of the process, unfortunately.  Change the subject.  Do small things to physically comfort her - wrap her in a fuzzy blanket to keep her warm, give her candy or pieces of chocolate. Say prayers with her, anything that comforts.

 

The part of the brain that processes emotion holds onto that emotion for longer than her short term memory lasts. So doing something little like smiling and giving her some candy will make her happy, and that mood will last for at least 15 minutes, which is much longer than her memory.  Encourage the workers to liberally hand out chocolate, ice cream, or anything else that makes her happy.

 

Put as many of her own things in her new room as you can - her own blanket and pillow, pictures of her family when everyone was young, etc.  Make a photo album for her, with some old pictures, some new ones, and everyone labeled (ie: DD's name labeled "Anna, daughter of Tom," etc). 

 

She will go through a 2-3 week adjustment period, after which she will calm down about being there. And the staff will get to know her and her quirks and she'll be happier again.


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#15 creekland

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:32 PM

:grouphug:  I'm sorry.  My MIL has Alzheimers too, but at a much more advanced stage at this point.

 

Try music from her "day."  My MIL can't really remember much factually any longer, but if I turn on some hit songs from the 40s, she'll sing along to the choruses and perk up a little.  Same goes for some older shows that don't require following a plot. (Beverly Hillbillies or Golden Girls can do wonders).

 

This doesn't always work when she's in an "angry" phase though.  Nothing works then.  I wish I could give you better answers.

 

I agree with a pp (or two) who have said to always have simple answers to her questions.  They don't have to be truthful answers, but "no" answer only gives more anxiety.  When MIL wants to know whose light is on across the river (3 miles wide), I have no idea!  However, "That's Charlie's house" gives her much more security than, "I have no idea."  I'm sure Charlie owns a place over there somewhere...

 

In short, Alzheimer's sucks.


Edited by creekland, 12 August 2017 - 12:39 PM.

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#16 creekland

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:35 PM

Oh... one more thing.  Give her a purpose if you can.  Give her little tasks she can do - folding towels, folding napkins, dusting a shelf or TV (preferably nothing that can fall or break easily).  It gives my MIL pleasure to feel she's done something "valuable."  Since the memory goes quickly, these tasks can be repeated over and over again - quite boring to the caregiver, quite uplifting to the one with Alzheimer's.


Edited by creekland, 12 August 2017 - 12:40 PM.

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#17 Hannah

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:49 PM

Oh... one more thing.  Give her a purpose if you can.  Give her little tasks she can do - folding towels, folding napkins, dusting a shelf or TV (preferably nothing that can fall or break easily).  It gives my MIL pleasure to feel she's done something "valuable."  Since the memory goes quickly, these tasks can be repeated over and over again - quite boring to the caregiver, quite uplifting to the one with Alzheimer's.

 

I stumbled on this during the week.  I went so far as to scramble all the dish cloths and towels as if they had just come off the washing line about five times so that she could refold them all neatly.  My daughters are delighted that Gran helps to pack the dishwasher :)


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#18 Patty Joanna

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 12:53 PM

My dh told his dad that "this was just for a little while."  And he made sure to get to see him often and to take him to see MIL.  But he had to repeat it every time, for a little while.  "It's just for a little while.  It's what will make things better for you."  Somehow, for FIL, the feeling that it wasn't permanent was a comfort to him.  After awhile, it got so he had "sundowner syndrome"--he HAD to be back "home" (to the Home) in time for dinner.  The regularity of life in the new place sort of calmed him down, too.  He could get a grip on what to expect and when, and had routines that were helpful.  

 

The home also gave them chores, like sweeping the leaves off the sidewalk in fall, and so on...even clearing dishes in the dining room.  Purpose helps.  

 

But this might not work in your situation.  It did for my dh and FIL in ours.  


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#19 zoobie

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 01:19 PM

Do you know what kind of music she likes? My grandmother liked "watching" gospel music DVDs and old musicals like South Pacific. She didn't have to follow a story for those because they were so familiar, and she loved music.

:grouphug: I hope the doctor can prescribe something to soothe her and her transition goes well. Take care of yourself during this time too.
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#20 Laurie4b

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 01:28 PM

I would strongly recommend the book, "Being Mortal" as soon as possible.

 

I would also think about looking for a home closer to you. Friends don't visit very often in my experience, though a really dedicated friend might--but they taper off. Friends her age often have their own disabilities.

 

 And not being able to remember things puts one at risk for abuse. I think it's important that "drop in" visits occur asap. So while she's in the other home, I'd look for one nearby. But first I'd read "Being Mortal."  

 

My dad is in earlier stages of Alzheimer's.

 

Delerium is nasty in its effects. 


Edited by Laurie4b, 13 August 2017 - 12:54 PM.

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#21 Matryoshka

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 01:31 PM

Don't bother telling her she has Alzheimer's or using any kind of logic.  There's no point telling her what's happening in the future; she will only forget and ask again.  What they do remember is emotion.  So if she hears she's not going home, she gets anxious.  Then she forgets, but is still anxious.

 

Make her happy in the moment for now.  Don't even tell her where she's going, it will only cause lingering anxiety and she won't remember in 10 minutes anyway.  At my grandmother's Alzheimer's care unit, they kept them busy all day with pleasant things.  When they're not doing anything they think, but they have no memory of why they're where they are or what's happening next, so they worry - more anxiety, which comes out as anger and accusations.  They're trying to make sense of a reality that makes no sense, so they fill in the gaps, often with fear.

 

Try pleasant TV shows - Lawrence Welk was a big hit at my grandmother's, but maybe also calm nature shows (no predators!), or soothing shows without much of a story line - they can't follow it even if it's an otherwise nice show, and... anxiety.  Soothing music, classical if she likes it.  My mom brought a bit photo album of family pictures, blown up large and put in page protectors.  They can usually remember the farther past better, and it is soothing to see familiar faces.  My grandmother liked babies and liked to carry around baby dolls.  Talk about pleasant memories about the past, not the present or future.    If there's any activity she likes to do (knit, crochet, etc.) she might still like to do that.   My grandmother could play the piano from old memory long after she couldn't remember new memories for more than 5 minutes at a time. 

 

It also really helps for them to be in one place and not move around.  She's just been moved from familiar surroundings, and that has her on high alert.  Once she's in the place for a while and it becomes familiar, it will help a lot.  At first we could take my grandmother out for lunch, but then she started to become anxious even when out for an hour, so we'd have lunch with her there.  The place even had an extra room where we could have family parties there.  Routine, familiarity, past not present or future, pleasant experiences in the present, because the present is all they have. :grouphug:

 

ETA: On the day we brought my grandmother to the place, we told her we were going there for lunch.  Then we had lunch and stayed a while, and then left.  That was much less anxiety-producing than telling her what was going on (and again, she'd have forgotten it all anyway - actually I'm fairly sure she was told much earlier and possibly multiple times, but that did nothing but upset her and then forget).  Much better not to raise the anxiety in the first place.  And I think she did get put on anti-anxiety meds at that stage, which did help quite a bit with the anger and paranoia.


Edited by Matryoshka, 12 August 2017 - 01:35 PM.

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#22 Plae2009

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 02:03 PM

Oh I'm so sorry. I remember my FIL trying to reason with my grandmother in law when she had Alzheimer's and it was horrible. She would get so agitated and and trying to reason with her was like trying to reason with a toddler. I have read about a study that showed that Alzheimer's patients that listened to their favorite music from their past did better and were about to reduce the amount of antipsychotic medication they had to take. Maybe create a playlist of her favorite songs or hymns. It couldn't hurt and maybe it would give here a little help while her meds get figured out.


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#23 SebastianCat

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 02:29 PM

My FIL passed away last year after having dementia for 20 years.   It's a horrible process to watch.

 

I also highly recommend that you read The 36 Hour Day.   It will help you understand from your MIL's perspective how frightening and unnerving her circumstances are right now.

 

Some things that helped us....

 

"For a little while" is a good phrase.   You're going to the new home "for lunch," or "for a little while."   She may continue to ask if she can go home, and your answer should be something like, "The doctor wants you to stay here for a little while."   

 

Put up pictures from when she was young - childhood, teen years, young adult, etc.   Don't show or display pictures of anything within the past 20-30 years.   It was amazing that FIL could name every person in his pictures from his childhood or young adulthood, but had no idea what his own son's name was that day, nor did he know my name or the names of his grandkids.   

 

Don't give any instructions until it's time to act.   "We're going to go downstairs to dinner in a while" meant one thing to DH (in an hour, at the proper time for dinner), but something completely opposite to FIL (immediately).   Only give instructions for what you want/need her to do immediately, and only give one step at a time (like you would give a toddler).

 

You've already figured out that finding a "job" is extremely important.   FIL used to love to help carry dinner trays for the little old ladies who couldn't carry their own tray.   Or he would push someone around in their wheelchair.   Some of the ladies in the memory care facility where he lived would sit on the couch folding washcloths all day long, because it made them feel useful and that they were needed.   One person's "job" was to put silk flowers out on the tables in the activity room - several times per day.   

 

Don't take anything that she says personally.   Try to smile and be positive, and treat her with respect, but don't try to reason with her and don't explain things she can't understand.  "The doctor wants you to _________ for a little while" was a good phrase for us to use with FIL.   He would follow instructions from nurse's aides who wore aprons better than he would follow instructions from us.

 

FIL's memory care facility was also set up with the residents' only private space being a room with a bathroom.   This was intentional, as they wanted the residents to think of the ENTIRE facility as their "home."   They had a kitchen that looked like a home kitchen (but the stove and microwave only worked if activated by a staff member's key), a living room with comfy couches and old movies playing constantly, activity rooms, a dining room, a "front porch" area, and outdoor courtyards.   The bedroom was just like it would be in a traditional home - just a bedroom.   If you adopt that mentality, it may help your MIL with the transition.

 


Edited by SebastianCat, 12 August 2017 - 02:31 PM.

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#24 Barb_

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 02:41 PM

Can you tell her she's on vacation? That's how my mom handled my grandad. She moved him in with her and when he'd get agitated and want to go home, she'd just say, "You just got here! We've hardly had time to visit or do anything." She just made things up on the fly. If he was worried about his cat (dead), she'd say his neighbor was looking after him. If he wondered where my grandma was (also dead) she'd say she was visiting my mom's sister and they were doing a lot of shopping. Say whatever you need to in order to keep her happy. There is no such thing as lies as long as it calms her down. Oh and she always told him he was having trouble remembering things but she loved him and would always take care of him.

They don't remember events as the disease progresses, but they do remember and react to emotional impressions. My grandad was in bad shape at the end but he was always calm and happy thanks to my mom
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#25 Barb_

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 02:43 PM

Oh I'm so sorry. I remember my FIL trying to reason with my grandmother in law when she had Alzheimer's and it was horrible. She would get so agitated and and trying to reason with her was like trying to reason with a toddler. I have read about a study that showed that Alzheimer's patients that listened to their favorite music from their past did better and were about to reduce the amount of antipsychotic medication they had to take. Maybe create a playlist of her favorite songs or hymns. It couldn't hurt and maybe it would give here a little help while her meds get figured out.


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Yes! My mom and dad listened to Laurence Welk reruns for three years.

ETA: Green Acres and other comedies from the 60s are good too. Lots of slapstick and one liners without the need to follow a complicated plot line.

Edited by Barb_, 12 August 2017 - 02:47 PM.

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#26 Barb_

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 02:46 PM

I bought my Grandpa this robotic therapy cat and it was helpful for a while:

https://www.target.c...wE&gclsrc=aw.ds
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#27 G5052

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 05:08 PM

Yes, The 36 Hour Day is excellent. I also found an older book called Learning to Speak Ahlzeimer's helpful.

 

My mother initially had vascular dementia and then Parkinson's and Ahlzeimer's were added to the picture.

 

There are some wonderful recordings of Teepa Snow on YouTube.

 

The key is to enter into their thinking, not try to convince them as you would have 10-20 years ago. They cannot reason like we do.


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#28 Alicia64

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 07:29 PM

((((Hannah) It's the disease saying all of those mean things, not your MIL.

 

I hope this helps: I'd been telling my parents that my grandma was getting very forgetful and giving people in her life money (she'd always been a tightwad having grown up in the Depression. Long story short: they ignored me, she continued to drive and live on her own. Eventually she was driving her sister -- her best friend -- somewhere, made a bad left turn and ended up in a terrible accident.

 

Her sister died. Thank God the other car was fine.

 

At that point my parents woke up and dealt well w/ the situation.

 

My point: don't let something terrible happen. Take the necessary steps to keep everyone safe. Sadly they haven't come up w/ a cure for Alzheimer's. Until they do, we have to be the adults who call the hard shots.

 

Something to Google: there's an herb called Lemon Balm. If made into a tea, it's been shown to help Alzheimers patients with "sundowner's syndrome (where the person really starts losing it around 5 p.m. every evening). Lemon Balm is so gentle that it's been used on infants.

 

Hang in there,

 

Alley


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#29 Patty Joanna

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 09:15 PM

Yes! My mom and dad listened to Laurence Welk reruns for three years.

ETA: Green Acres and other comedies from the 60s are good too. Lots of slapstick and one liners without the need to follow a complicated plot line.

 

Uh oh.  I like Green Acres right now.  8-O

 

:0)



#30 Hannah

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 01:57 AM

Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words of encouragement.  It is really hard, but we have to push through.  

Dh went yesterday to furnish her room and dd and I are going today to make it a bit more personal by putting up pictures and things from her house.  Dh brought the dresser from her bedroom with the contents of the drawers as they were and I'm planning to take a picture of the layout of her closet to put her clothes in the new closet in the same way as they were.


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#31 creekland

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 05:00 AM

Uh oh.  I like Green Acres right now.  8-O

 

:0)

 

Fortunately, I love most episodes of The Beverley Hillbillies.  ;)  They made some good shows in the old days!

 

I did, however, learn to start with Season 4 because the first three are in black and white... and answering, "What's wrong with the TV?" gets old after the first time or two.


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