My 79yo mother-in-law has been living alone since she was widowed 15 years ago. She has a four bedroom house with a pool and lives with a very old dog and a cat. Dh is an only child and we live rurally about and hour and a half away from her. We help her financially and to care for her house.
For years we've been trying to convince MIL to move into and old age village, and she has been at the top of the waiting list a number of times, but turned them down. After the third refusal, you go back to the bottom of the list. Every time we broached the subject it turned into an argument.
Things came to a head nearly three weeks ago when she was hospitalized for an unrelated matter. She was delirious during this time and apart from calling the neighbours to take her to hospital, she cannot remember having been there. CT scans revealed that her brain is calcifying and that she definitely has Alzheimers. The 11 days in hospital has also caused a step change for the worse in her condition. Except when she talks about the past, she is on a 10 minutes cycle repeating the same thing.
When she was discharged from hospital, we were advised that she needs supervision and could not be allowed to go back to her own how. She has been with us for the last 10 days. She cannot stay here because dh and I both work full time and have to return to work. The children go to a cottage school afew days a week and a tutor comes to our house on the other days.
We have now found her a care home to got to. Its not ideal size wise, as all we could get in this short time is a room with bathroom. The facility comes recommended for dementia care. She passed her 'admission interview' and she is going to the home on Monday.
To say that MIL is extremely unhappy about this situation is an understatement. I can understand that that this is very distressing and that her whole life is turned upside down. Up to now she was independent and we've now taken that from her. She rages against us and she says all kinds of things. I know she may not mean it, but it does hurt to be told that we have never loved her, that she has never cared for me, that we are enjoying tormenting her, that we are trying to kill her, and and and.
She obviously does not believe that there is anything wrong with her, says that the doctors are liars, we don't know what we are talking about etc. We repeatedly and soothingly try to explain that she has Alzheimers, that it means that she forgets things, that it has become unsafe for her to live alone, and that she has to be stabilised first.
MIL is a devout Catholic and goes to adoration and mass a few times per week. She says that she has always prayed that Goduld let her look after herself and the He has now forsaken her. She keeps saying that she does not know what she has done wrong to deserve this.
I am emotionally drained and absolutely exhausted. Are there any (magic) words I can say (on repeat) that will calm and sooth her and that may get through to her?
Edited by Hannah, 12 August 2017 - 10:17 AM.