All of my diehard homeschooling friends are putting their kids in school (JAWM)

[mom2scouts]

We're heading towards middle and high school levels now and all the people I know who've homeschooled for years are putting their kids in school. One homeschooled her oldest from K to graduation and is still homeschooling a teen, but all the younger children are going to public school. Another homeschooled her seven children and then, when the oldest were in high school, she put all of them into a small private school. Another friend has always homeschooled her five children and at least two of them are going to public school this year. Two other friends homeschooled K-7 and then put their kids in public school for 8th and high school. In my mind I understand that families have to do what's best for them, but it still makes me sad. I've done public school with my older kids, and after discovering homeschooling, prefer it as an educational method. It's just a little deflating to see those I considered my homeschooling community moving to school.

 

My teen has outside activities, but he doesn't really have any buddies he hangs out with. It's fortunate he's an introvert and doesn't seem to care too much. Boys he knows are too busy with homework and school activities to do much with him. My *very* outgoing daughter has friends from her activities, but many of the girls go to the same schools and she's sometimes forgotten and left out. Even if she went to school, we live in a different community from where she goes for activities and wouldn't be in school with them anyway. Her brother will be off to college when she gets to high school level and I already worry about how I'll provide enough social activities for her. All of the local homeschool groups and activities are filled with very young children and I rarely see a teen. I'm just feeling a little discouraged today.

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[PeterPan]

You might look into summer camps for your dd. Won't help this year, but she can go to them next year and make friends to chat with. My dd did that, going to camps at a university, and now she has a ton of friends when she goes to that university in the fall. 

 

You're right though that a lot of people fade out from homeschooling by high school. I haven't seen stats, but there's a significant drop off. I didn't get it before we went through high school. Sticking it out has pros and cons. Just weigh it for each kid. The child is more important than the theory or culture. Frankly, mom's health is more important than the theory or culture. Like maybe your friend with all the kids was just really DONE, kwim?

 

I've been at this long enough that the romance is gone and retirement sounds really nice. :)

SaveSave

Edited August 10, 2017 by OhElizabeth

[...................]

((Hugs()))

 

:(

[Mimm]

It's a cycle that perpetuates itself. The more kids that go to PS, the more homeschoolers feel lonely, like they are missing out, then they want to go to PS too. All I can say is, when you do find homeschoolers, make every effort to foster what friendships your children are able to form. My daughter wanted to keep homeschooling but the homeschoolers in this area (and who knows, maybe everywhere for all I know) are very cliquish and she had a hard time forming any real friendships. She went into eighth grade, and the first semester was still pretty friendless. But spring semester, everything fell into place and she has a lovely circle of friend she spends time with online almost daily (gamers) and in face to face at least once a week over the summer. I'm sad we aren't homeschooling anymore, but at least she's happier.

[FloridaLisa]

I'm sorry. It can feel lonely when everyone else is going somewhere else. If you're still sold on the reasons that homeschooling is right for your family, I'd press on. You may yet meet other families with older kids or see some of the friends pull their kids from school.  :grouphug:

[HSmomof2]

I completely understand. We're starting 9th and 7th grades this year. Many of our friends have already gone to ps. The main reason we're trying Classical Conversations this year is because our community is full of teens, many whom my dc already know. But, yeah, it's discouraging to feel alone.....and there are so many opportunities for younger homeschoolers that really dwindle by the teen years.

[8filltheheart]

This isn't a new phenomena or at least it reflects what typically happens with many (though definitely not all) high schoolers that we have known. A lot of families we have known over the yrs have sent their kids to Catholic or private high schools. Not as many to the local ps. It is not a choice I make or plan on making (and I have been at this a long time and still have "romance" for it ;) ). I just mentally affirm to myself that my choices are the only ones that matter for my kids and that homeschooling has provided my kids with the best foundation they could have received.

 

With the small number of homeschooled teens (there have been times and places where we have not known more than 1 or 2 other homeschooled teens and my kids haven't necessarily had anything in common with them), other avenues have had to become their way to socialize. Youth group, scouts, city choir, 4H, astronomy clubs, community volunteer groups, etc have all been ways for them to meet other teens. We just keep school and social life separate and it can work.

 

Ideal? Nope. But it hasn't necessarily been the school issue at fault. With some of my kids, they just haven't been functioning on the same level as the other teens. They have had to learn to function around the other feens' interests to try to find some common ground vs functioning around their main interests. Being in school would have forced them to function on that level, but definitely not worth the academic and personal lack of development cost from my perspective.

 

We just moved and my 15 and 12 yr olds are having to start from scratch again in trying to find new friends. It isn't easy at that age. (My 7 yr old has already made friends. That age is super easy.) But I have to make it my priority to get them out there in order to connect with other teens. I just want them to each have at least 1 person to call friend. They don't need numbers, but they do need someone.

Edited August 10, 2017 by 8FillTheHeart

[Alice]

I totally understand. I think I wrote basically the same post back in the spring. For us, my kids are happy and I'm confident in our choice to homeschool. BUT it still feels sad to see friends make different choices because I know it will change our relationship. It's kind of like if someone told me they were moving. Of course they can move if it's right for their family but it's still sad.

[Wheres Toto]

We seem to have a trend around here of people pulling their kids out to homeschool for the first time in 7th or 8th grade.  One of the local groups I belong to, we are working on setting up a meet-up for middle school boys.

  

Other than that, we actually do most of our socializing with non-homeschoolers.  Dh and I run a 4-H STEM club, the kids do TKD, yoga at the Y, swimming, and choir.  We know some other homeschoolers from some of these but it's not the primary demographic.

[Jess4879]

We are in the exact same boat.  I could probably count on one hand how many of the homeschoolers I started with still remain.  I am suddenly surrounded by 1st and 2nd year homeschoolers, mainly all with littles.  Not that it's a bad thing, or there is no value in those relationships, but events with them is more like babysitting for my oldest, which kind of sucks. 

 

We also live in a pretty rural location, so joining a bunch of clubs and events just isn't realistic for us.  I am currently trying to brainstorm ideas that are more do-able, but it's tough. 

[bethben]

I think a lot of the move is because k-6th, homeschooling is easier.  You actually know the subject material and have confidence that you can teach it.  There are plenty of resources to use.  When you hit junior high and high school, homeschooling shows its inadequacies.  You cannot even begin to be an expert on every subject and if your child has questions, you find quickly your inadequacies.  My #2ds was working through a physics/chemistry class for 8th grade (not high school level).  He had a question on a problem and I could not answer it.  I didn't even have time to help him figure out the answer because I had two other kids I was homeschooling in the basics.  Multiply that by 100 and it became very difficult to give the education I wanted him to have.  We chose online classes to fill that gap and I have found some options for ds#3 when he hits the high school years.  And the kicker is - you see how homeschooling those later years is difficult especially if you have an externally motivated child.  As a result of feeling like homeschooling can't work really well long term, you then question if elementary school is even worth the effort anymore.  Because homeschooling multiple children for multiple years is exhausting.

 

[Starr]

Friendships can change by high school if students are home educated or in school. My children had a friend slump but didn't have any problems finding friends in college. Hang in there.  :grouphug: It might be worth driving a distance for your dd to focus on a particular activity.

[mommyoffive]

I am losing some hs friends this year too.  They are the family that gave me the courage to do it.  It stinks. 

[ByGrace3]

Hugs! It certainly resonates here. My youngest has a large group of homeschool/gymnastics friends. My middle guy has a few close homeschool friends, and my oldest has some homeschool friends but as they get older, many are either starting public/private/hybrid schools or are talking about it in the years to come. At any given ffield trip I often hope for just one close(er) in age friend to show up...

[regentrude]

With the small number of homeschooled teens (there have been times and places where we have not known more than 1 or 2 other homeschooled teens and my kids haven't necessarily had anything in common with them), other avenues have had to become their way to socialize. Youth group, scouts, city choir, 4H, astronomy clubs, community volunteer groups, etc have all been ways for them to meet other teens. We just keep school and social life separate and it can work.

 

Ideal? Nope. But it hasn't necessarily been the school issue at fault. With some of my kids, they just haven't been functioning on the same level as the other teens. They have had to learn to function around the other feens' interests to try to find some common ground vs functioning around their main interests. Being in school would have forced them to function on that level, but definitely not worth the academic and personal lack of development cost from my perspective.

 

Yes. In our local homeschool group, all teens in my kids' age group were homeschooled through highschool, but that did not mean that my kids had much in common with them. DS had two friends in the group, but they socialized completely outside of the group and of anything homeschooling related (and they got together once per month; the rest of the contact was through computer). DD never had friends in our group. Both my kids found friends through their interests. 

Edited August 10, 2017 by regentrude

[wintermom]

Yes, it happens. I'm in the boat of outsourcing more courses for my high school dc. Luckily, there are still opportunities for homeschool activities for middle and high school students in my area. I work hard to stay involved in these activities so that my dc maintain connections with their friends. It's not always easy. 

[G5052]

Mine are in college, but we went through that. Outsourcing some and more community-based activities helped.

 

Our high school is notoriously hard on homeschoolers entering after 9th grade. Unfortunately the director of guidance has a chip on his shoulder because of bad experiences with admitting homeschoolers in 10th and up. I locked horns with him multiple times over PSAT and AP issues, and finally got him to admit that "some" homeschoolers do well when I showed him that my son's PSAT beat the scores in his entire school!

 

No change of policy though. Unless you have accredited courses and/or test out of a course, they make you retake it. They only offer the test-out option for math, English, and foreign languages. So I know lots of people who were thinking about pubic school who decided just to go ahead with it because of the potential loss of credits. Some of course also send theirs to high school for music or sports. Our district doesn't allow that for homeschoolers.

[fralala]

Friendships can change by high school if students are home educated or in school. My children had a friend slump but didn't have any problems finding friends in college. Hang in there.  :grouphug: It might be worth driving a distance for your dd to focus on a particular activity.

 

This is a good reminder. The transition from 8 years in the same small, close-knit school to a high school very few people I knew attended was so difficult for me I never managed to form close friendships. That, and worrying about the social stuff took a lot out of me mentally and emotionally, if not academically.

 

That doesn't really help the stinky situation of loss of a reliable community, nor does gratitude that your kids had a reliable community (something many homeschoolers and even public school parents complain about)...so I am just agreeing with you here, seeing people drift in different directions is HARD.

[lllll]

nm

Edited September 6, 2017 by lllllll

[Heathermomster]

DS came home from a physics class surprised after learning he was the only high school senior taking lit, history, and math at home with his mom. Most high schoolers we know DE by their senior year or take all outside classes. DS has never fully connected with the local homeschool community.

[HS Mom in NC]

My local homschool  group has 125 member families. We have monthly park days.  There are 5 girls in youngest's age.  She spent time with 3 of them because 2 are those stereo typically "weird" kids who don't do well socially. Think of those kids you hope aren't the only exposure some people have to homeschoolers and you'll understand what I mean.   All 3 live 30-40 minutes away from us.  In the year they've been spending time together as a group outside of the Homeschool Park Days 1 moved out of state, 1 is an overbearing pain in the neck causing endless conflict and drama and physically hurting other kids and no longer invited to things, and 1 is a good fit. The one who is a good fit lives 40 minutes away...unless there's an accident on the freeway, then that time increases.

I signed youngest up at the homeschool enrichment school when the semester started in January.

My older two were so far ahead academically that we enrolled them in cc at ages 15 and 17.  No, my husband and I didn't want to teach college level calculus and chemistry at home.

I have long time homeschool friends who are sending their kids to school because of a lack of social activities for kids their age in the homeschool community and the social aspects of other activities like dance, aren't what they want their kids around.

The changes in the homeschool community over the 20 years is significant.

[bethben]

 

I have long time homeschool friends who are sending their kids to school because of a lack of social activities for kids their age in the homeschool community and the social aspects of other activities like dance, aren't what they want their kids around.

 

 

 

This is the main reason I am putting plans in place for full time school for my 12 year old is ONLY because of the lack of social opportunities for him currently.  Im not sure if we will or not, but I am preparing for the option.  He does fine with homeschooling otherwise.

[Guest]

I'm also saddened by this.  We've been homeschooling for years.  At one point, we even tried a brief stint of public school... but I didn't like it, so we pulled them back out, and I've been wondering this very thing ever since. I've noticed that there are less and less homeschoolers, and it seems like it's in general.  I thought homeschool rates were rising, but are they really?  Two homeschool families that our kids were close with are no longer homeschooling this year.  One family moved and put the kids in public school, the other family is doing private school.  Another family that homeschooled for many years... even getting their oldest through high school... wound up sending the youngers to private school.  Pretty much everyone I knew is no longer homeschooling.  We are in a co-op that has a good number of kids, but I am pretty sure that the number of kids dropped.  I am really hoping we can make new friendships, regardless.

Edited August 17, 2017 by Jinnah

[Arcadia]

I thought homeschool rates were rising, but are they really?

I think a lot of the move is because k-6th, homeschooling is easier. You actually know the subject material and have confidence that you can teach it. There are plenty of resources to use. When you hit junior high and high school, homeschooling shows its inadequacies. You cannot even begin to be an expert on every subject and if your child has questions, you find quickly your inadequacies.

...

And the kicker is - you see how homeschooling those later years is difficult especially if you have an externally motivated child.

At 8th/9th grade dual enrolment opportunities also become available. So while kids are homeschooling, they may no longer be active in homeschool co-ops/activities.

 

My 7th grader is externally motivated which is partially why he is doing standardized tests early. The more peer pressure, the more effort he puts in. My 8th grader needs peer pressure for sports and fine arts.

Edited August 17, 2017 by Arcadia

[Guest]

That's true, Arcadia.  We are also doing dual enrollment and are still involved, but some kids probably don't do the co-ops and other activities on top of that.

[Guest]

Oh yes, the attrition rate is definitely there and has been forever. We are starting to see people dropping off in our circles too and my oldest only just hit fifth grade.

[klmama]

I don't see nearly as much attrition here; that may be because the schools in our area accept homeschooled students' credits at any point. There isn't the same pressure when you can still take it year by year.

[Bambam]

I see this too - homeschoolers putting their kids in public school during the high school years. It does get lonely. 

 

I started a teen group for the remaining homeschooled teens to get together a couple of times a month. Sometimes we have a large group, sometimes it is only 3 families. It is what it is. I do what I can to make sure my teen has some times regularly with peers. But it isn't always easy!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

This is one of the reasons some parents in our area organize science teams, game nights, field trips and outings specifically for teens. Some events are broader, while some specify 13 and up or high school.

 

The organizers often get parents who are miffed that their 11 year old, or even younger kids could not come to something. They understand their kid feeling left out but don't transfer that to the older kids not feeling that they have a welcome and age appropriate space.

Edited August 19, 2017 by Sebastian (a lady)

[Laurel-in-CA]

My last kid starts high school this year. We joined a co-op and this summer had a weekly girls night, trying to build community among them. Another mom and I alternated nights, sometimes with sleepovers. We'll do it once a month during the school year, I think, and invite other friends if interested.

 

We moved when ds was 16 -- what a hard year for him. He felt very isolated. That summer he worked and lived on-campus at a christian camp in the area. It was the perfect thing for him -- friends! cash! independence! (as much as you can have when you don't drive yet). Once employment is available, it can be a good social outlet, too. It's the years between 13-15 that are the hardest, IMHO.