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I'm down about my husband wanting my 6 year old to go to public school


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#1 drjuliadc

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 01:15 PM

I do not home school.  My oldest son has been going to a Montessori school that I'm very happy with.  I think he's smart and ahead, but I don't think he is gifted to the level of a bunch of your kids. He may only be ahead because I was home with him and I was bored so I taught him lots of stuff.  I may be projecting my perceptions of my own averageness on him though.

 

Our area has public schools that everyone loves.  I read the objectives for 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade and if they are accomplishing those things, I can see why people would think they are great, but they are way behind where he is.

 

His Montessori school's curriculum is ahead about 1 1/2 years to 2 years to the public school and my son was the best reader in his 3-6 year old group last year.  He was reading Magic Treehouse books in the first week of kindergarten.  When I read the objectives of the public school he wouldn't be exposed to anything new until the second grade material, although most of that isn't new to him either. Most of the 3rd grade stuff would be new.

 

He does need work on writing and spelling and I think either school would be good for that.  He is very social so he would love the public school just as much as the Montessori school.  He'll just be happy to be socializing with a bunch of other kids.

 

I thought I would talk my husband out of it by now, but he wants to save the money and has dug his heels in.

 

I guess I want to feel better about it somehow.  Maybe its good enough that he only learns spelling and writing and by third grade there is a gifted program and he'll have new stuff then.

 

My brother and mother were actually gifted.  I don't know my mother's IQ but brother's was, I think, around 140.  I don't know which category that is. Public school was OK for my mom.  They put her ahead one year and wanted to put her ahead two years but her mother wouldn't allow it.  Public school was awful for my brother. They put him ahead one year which is probably bad for a boy for non academic reasons. He didn't try at all.  He knew he was smarter than all the teachers and just aced tests and did no work at all.  He's spent most of his life as a cook at a chain restaurant.



#2 Tanaqui

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 01:56 PM

Well, first question is how much money would you save by going to public school, and what would you do with that money?



#3 drjuliadc

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 02:21 PM

$7000 per year. He wants to save it for retirement. I don't want to retire, ever. We have twins who are almost two. I'm only working half a day a week now but I'll be able to go back at least half days every day in another year or two. He only works three days a week now, sometimes 3 1/2, but they are long days and it is strenuous work. He's tired. We could easily live on my income working while the kids are in school. I am very productive at work. I don't mess around.

#4 Tanaqui

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 02:32 PM

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want to save for retirement. You might think you don't want to retire ever, but eventually your body will get old - and either or both of you might end up forced out of the workplace or disabled and needing that money.

 

If the money is the main issue for him, it might be reasonable to look and see if you can find a way to get more of it. I assume that you'll send your twins to the same Montessori school? That's $21,000 a year. When you add in that he wants to save for retirement, that's nearly $30k. When they're in school, will you be making that much? If so, there's your argument right there, and I'd use it - it's only a few years, and then you'll be able to work enough to pay for school AND retirement.


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#5 Frances

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 03:04 PM

If you can't make more money now to pay for Montessori, then maybe give public school a try and see how it goes. He's still very young and you can always do some afterschooling if you want to. Just looking at objectives probably doesn't give a compete picture of what goes on in the classroom. And if he's really that advanced, then maybe you can consider grade skipping, homeschooling, or returning to Montessori.

I'm with your husband on saving for retirement. The earlier you start, the better. Lots of things can happen between now and retirement age, and I don't think you will ever regret having that money. Plus, depending on how you save it, there can be substantial tax advantages.
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#6 drjuliadc

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 03:53 PM

Thank you so much for your replies.

 

It does make me feel better that you don't think public school would be so bad for an accelerated child.  I want to feel better about it, but only because it will really be OK, not for someone to just tell me that to make me feel better.

 

I do think we have plenty of money for retirement already, especially since I plan on working another 13 years at least.  Of course, he doesn't think we have enough. We also have enough money to pay for his schooling, but not enough enough to put any in our 401K this year and pay for his school.  We are both saver types.  Last year was the first year we didn't max out our retirement plan.  We wouldn't have gotten a deduction for it anyway because of selling an investment house for a loss.

 

My husband is just the type who always looks to spend less and I'm always looking for ways to make more.  It drives me crazy because he does in a whole day what I do in 3 1/2 hours.  We have the same job in our shared business.

 

I would work more now, but I never know when I might get reliable sleep.  I had to work Monday all day and I didn't get to sleep 'til 2:30am Monday morning.  Surely that couldn't last forever.  (She prays)

 

 



#7 Arcadia

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 04:34 PM

$7000 per year..

 

The Montessori preschool that would have been a better fit for my kids cost $6k per child per school year back in 2007. That was the main reason my DS12 went to a much cheaper preschool and was bored and then both kids end up not going for preschool.

Not saying that preschool is required but my kids had social needs that were conveniently met by preschool. We end up getting a $150 children museum family annual membership and spending nearly every day there.

 It does make me feel better that you don't think public school would be so bad for an accelerated child.  I want to feel better about it, but only because it will really be OK, not for someone to just tell me that to make me feel better.
 ...
My husband is just the type who always looks to spend less and I'm always looking for ways to make more.

Is your child going into 1st or 2nd grade? My oldest attended public school and he probably write three compositions (the three short paragraphs kind) per year in 1st grade. His class writings were just blank. California state testing did not test writing until 4th grade so his class teacher didn't push him to write. His Math and English state testing scores were consistently high so the teachers didn't mind him doing whatever he want quietly and in his seat.

My husband wants to spend less and earn more, you have my sympathies. He is looking for a stable job with better pay. His current job is relatively stable so he doesn't want to get a job with higher pay but also much higher chance of layoffs. His sister was recently forced into early retirement at 50 years old when she originally wanted to work until she is 55 years old or longer. Now she is job hunting. My husband was also retrenched but managed to find a job in time so it does color his view of how much emergency savings is enough.

I only had a good night sleep when my mom came over and help for six months at a time. My mom sleeps late and wakes up very early, taking afternoon naps if she wants to. So she was able to watch over my night owl and my early bird while I sleep in.
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#8 drjuliadc

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 10:09 PM

That's awful about layoffs. We are self employed so thankfully not really affected by that.

I'm glad you found the science museum alternative. I don't think preschool is necessary either but I needed it so I could get some bookkeeping done at home.

You have it worse than me, my husband is only interested in spending less, not making more. I'm the driving force on that but he isn't interested.

My son is going into first grade. I was meaning handwriting. I should have said that. See, I'd be a terrible homeschooler. I'm not even naming the subjects right.

My nanny informed me this afternoon that he is softening on some of my arguments and I remembered he wants to go to Israel in the fall which would cost half of the entire year's tuition. I told him he could go a long time ago. I can never tell him no anyway.

The Montessori school started teaching my son long division at the end of kindergarten and let him read history books from the higher grade classrooms. There are three teachers for 25 students so they can do that stuff. All lessons are individual. Thirty students to one teacher in PS. Even if they are awesome, that limits them.

#9 TerriM

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Posted 04 August 2017 - 10:29 AM

Your son is well ahead of the first grade material.  Ask your husband if he's ok with your son grade skipping.  If that makes him balk, be clear that it might be necessary or your son will be bored in public school.

 

$7K for a personalized education is a good value probably anywhere in the US.  Alternately, can you nanny help with homeschooling?

 

 

As for the trip to Israel, one thing that has helped my husband and I with regards to financial arguments is to each have a personal fund aka Allowance.  We each have ours in a separate checking/debit account and we can do whatever we want with it.  So if my husband wanted to go to Israel and I really felt it was unnecessary, then he'd have to pay for it out of his personal fund.   


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#10 daijobu

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Posted 04 August 2017 - 10:45 AM

One thing to keep in mind is that homeschooling is always an option.  If he enrolls in school and is clearly unhappy, this may help to sway your DH or at least bolster your argument.  



#11 rushhush08

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Posted 04 August 2017 - 05:09 PM

My kids were at Montessori kinder and after that they moved to the church school, a quiet good one in our area, but it's nothing close to the level we need. Homeschooling is not permitted in our area and a private one, which I only agree to send, will kill our budget completely.

Despite that my kids are much ahead than most of their peers, especially the eldest, they absolutely have no problem with socialising, having fun during the school time and even learning something new. For example, there is another language, which they never learn before, handwriting was also never tackled at home. And then we do afterschooling and complement their knowledge with a completely different curriculum. On the top of that kids do many hours of sport, music, arts and lots of reading.

Kids are very happy at school. And trust me they would never change anything in exchange for a private school, even Montessori one :)


Edited by rushhush08, 04 August 2017 - 05:47 PM.

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#12 kiwik

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Posted 04 August 2017 - 05:21 PM

My kids were at Montessori kinder and after they moved to the church school, a quiet good one in our area, but it's nothing close to the level we need. Homeschooling is not permitted in our area and a private one, which I only agree to send, will kill our budget completely.
Despite that my kids are much ahead than most of their peers, especially the eldest, they absolutely have no problem with socialising, having fun during the school time and even learning something new. For example, there is another language, which they never learn before, handwriting was also never tackled at home. And then we do afterschooling and complement their knowledge with completely different curriculum. On the top of that kids do many hours of sport, music, arts and lots of reading.
Kids are very happy at school. And trust me they would never change anything in exchange for a private school, even Montessori one :)


I have a feeling the school that her kids will attend is not much like that.

#13 rushhush08

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Posted 04 August 2017 - 05:35 PM

I have a feeling the school that her kids will attend is not much like that.

 

She wrote this

 

Our area has public schools that everyone loves.  I read the objectives for 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade and if they are accomplishing those things, I can see why people would think they are great, but they are way behind where he is.

 

I think it's good enough to start from :)

And then they can do homeschooling. We cannot but still are finding the ways to adapt to a system we stick with.

 

Btw, my hubby is saving too and I do not blame him. He wants a life after retirement, beside you never know what tomorrow might bring   :(


Edited by rushhush08, 04 August 2017 - 05:39 PM.

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#14 drjuliadc

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Posted 08 August 2017 - 08:23 PM

If the public school had a second language that would really tip my hat toward it.  They don't have sports at that K-2 school either. Just PE three times a week and I prefer the daily PE of his Montessori school.  

 

I am only dating homeschool.  I'm not ready to marry it yet.  ha ha.  Even if I thought I could do it (I don't think I could do it and I'm so impressed with you all who do and do it well) it probably wouldn't be best for this highly competitive, highly social, extroverted child. He really does well knowing how he does compared to other people and at home he just tries to compete with his 4 year old brother, which is terrible for the four year old, who always loses.

 

Besides his personality, I'm sleepy, highly distractible, scattered, disorganized and busy with almost two year old twins and a four year old and have a LOT of responsibilities outside of mothering and working. (Mother died with 8 properties I'm divesting, father has dementia with 7 properties and financial portfolio I'm managing, I do payroll, bookkeeping and some 401K duties for our business.)

 

I might start another thread about whether a highly distractible, scattered, disorganized mom should even consider homeschool. Once all the other adjectives fall off and they eventually should with time.  Maybe that question would be best in the general education category?

 

My children are angels for other people and not that great with me, which is another present disqualifier of mine for homeschooling. I do feel some of that could be remedied by better parenting, but I'm not a better parent, so there's that.  They actually turn kind of awful as soon as I walk in the door.  That is a phenomenon that I don't completely understand, so if any of you want to enlighten me, go ahead.

 

Then there's my well paying job that I love.  It easily replaces the $s lost from this ideal school for him.  I just can't do it yet much because of lack of sleep.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

 

 

 



#15 smily

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 04:22 PM

Remember that you don't have to plan the next 12 years of schooling now. Based on what you shared about how your husband feels, I would agree to the public school. If it works, great! If not, you can reevaluate and change plans in future years.

#16 TerriM

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 11:01 PM

Remember that you don't have to plan the next 12 years of schooling now. Based on what you shared about how your husband feels, I would agree to the public school. If it works, great! If not, you can reevaluate and change plans in future years.

 

The question is whether she can get back into the Montessori school.  Many good schools end up with a waiting list, and once you leave, that's it.


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#17 TerriM

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 11:07 PM

I am only dating homeschool.  I'm not ready to marry it yet.  ha ha.  Even if I thought I could do it (I don't think I could do it and I'm so impressed with you all who do and do it well) it probably wouldn't be best for this highly competitive, highly social, extroverted child. He really does well knowing how he does compared to other people and at home he just tries to compete with his 4 year old brother, which is terrible for the four year old, who always loses.

 

Then there's my well paying job that I love.  It easily replaces the $s lost from this ideal school for him.  I just can't do it yet much because of lack of sleep.

 

I have a highly social extroverted kid as well, and I absolutely think that B&M school is the best match for him.  I'm glad we found one which he loves.  I sympathize with your situation.  It sounds like you are more in tuned to what your son needs/wants than your husband.  I sympathize with the $$ issue as well though.

 

BTW:  Given what you said about how much you each work/earn, it sounds like your husband should be the one to homeschool.



#18 Tanaqui

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 12:16 AM

BTW:  Given what you said about how much you each work/earn, it sounds like your husband should be the one to homeschool.

 

But he doesn't want to homeschool, does he? It sounds like he wants to send the kid to public school so they can both earn money full-time (more or less).

 



#19 Renai

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 08:57 AM

But he doesn't want to homeschool, does he? It sounds like he wants to send the kid to public school so they can both earn money full-time (more or less).


Neither want to homeschool. It is a question between ps and a Montessori school. The dh doesn't want to spend the money on the Montessori school anymore.

Edited by Renai, 13 August 2017 - 08:57 AM.

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