Update on me and my vacation and a s/o of unhealthy relationship with food

[Night Elf]

So my bipolar and anxiety got out of control and my doctor changed my meds. My youngest dd has her own set of diagnoses that have been acting up so the doctor is changing her meds. This is NOT a good time to go on vacation but we had no choice. We're here in another state visiting my MIL. This is the first time she has had all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren in one room at one time. She's having a blast. Meantime, both dd and I are totally overwhelmed being among so many loud people. I've had one anxiety attack and dd has had three. With so much going on, it's easy to slip away and take care of ourselves, but both she and I can't wait to get home back to our comfort zone.

 

So as a s/o on the unhealthy relationship with food, DH has long expected I have an eating disorder of some level of severity. He worries about my thoughts about my actual number weight and how I feel I look. So with so much going on right now, I finally made an appointment with a therapist. I'm extremely nervous about talking to a professional about this. I honestly feel I do not have a problem but even my youngest dd wants me to go talk to someone.

 

I must admit I'm freaking out this week. I'm unable to weigh myself and wish I had brought along my scale. All of my in-laws are overweight and have commented on how skinny I am and they keep offering me food. Because I hate confrontation, I take it. I'm eating so much every day that I know my weight is just going up and up. It's going to take me a couple of weeks of eating really low calories to get back down to my acceptable weight. DH is hoping my therapy appointment will address that need of mine. I have no idea what to expect of this appointment but I have a feeling I'm going to be angry a great deal of the time. I'm sure she'll be telling me things I don't want to hear. I have no idea how I'm going to handle it. Therapy isn't supposed to be all pleasant when you're facing fears you've tried to ignore and/or deny.

 

So on top of all my issues going on, I have a high anxiety level each day that I'm going to go home and start a new phase of my life that I won't like. Ugh.

[maize]

:grouphug:

[G5052]

I'm sorry that you're going through that. 

 

Some families just have food issues. When I'm around people like that, it can be very discouraging. Sometimes there's a bit of pride involved with how they overeat and focus on things that aren't good for them.

[SparklyUnicorn]

:grouphug:

[Selkie]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

[Kassia]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I've suffered from eating disorders for my entire life so I think I understand what you're going through.  I think it's wonderful that you'll see a therapist and hope it helps.  I saw quite a few therapists before I found one that "got" me - he was actually an addiction specialist, but my thoughts about food/weight/body image/exercise are/were definitely an addiction.  

 

As far as your in-laws, can you tell them that eating certain foods or too much gives you a stomach ache and makes you feel ill?  They can't argue with that so you won't be confrontational.  I hate to think that you're eating foods you don't even enjoy.  

 

We went on vacation recently and I indulged as much as I wanted and gained quite a bit of weight knowing it would take me a couple of months to take it off.  I went back to my regular eating as soon as we returned and the weight came off gradually and easily.  So try not to stress about that - it will come off.  

 

Good luck with your therapy.  Eating disorders are very complex.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

FWIW, I think your in-laws have a problem with food.  I find it so irritating when people do stuff like that (constantly push food and comment on weight, etc.).

 

 

[Moonhawk]

:grouphug:  I'm sorry, that's a lot at once to be dealing with. I hope you and dd slip away as much as you need.  :grouphug:

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Guest]

I'm sorry that this is a hard time for you.

 

I remember you telling us that your dh and mil were wanting you to gain weight even though your height and weight seemed normal and fine to all of us here on the board.

 

Being diligent in order to maintain a weight loss is not the same thing as having an eating disorder. I'm glad that you're seeing a therapist to help you get perspective, but don't take on a label unless there is truth to it. Every woman I know has a love/hate relationship with food and their weight.

 

When I was a teen, I was 5'-7" and 130-140. My family members were on my case for being fat, having a fat butt, and overall, warning me that I needed to "be careful." So I dieted down to 120. Not only didn't I get any compliments, one family member said, "Some people think that they look good when they lose weight, but they don't." That person did things to sabotage my weight loss. I tell you this to remind you that family members are not always the best judges in this area of our lives. Just take one day at a time with the therapist, and see where it goes.

 

I hope that the med situation settles down for you and your daughter soon!

[Ann.without.an.e]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Please update on how the therapy goes.  I would love to follow how this works for you <3 

[Guest]

FWIW, I think your in-laws have a problem with food. I find it so irritating when people do stuff like that (constantly push food and comment on weight, etc.).

I was going to say this, too. I have in-laws who constantly talk about not getting fat, but anyone who dares to be thinner than the thinnest of *them* is too skinny. It drives me nuts.

[G5052]

FWIW, I think your in-laws have a problem with food.  I find it so irritating when people do stuff like that (constantly push food and comment on weight, etc.).

 

Especially because all of the evidence-based medicine says eating well, exercising regularly, and having a healthy weight reduce your chance of heart disease, cancer, dementia, etc.

 

My relatives will say things like "...and here's to my doctor" while overeating things they shouldn't. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against occasional treats and enjoying a wide range of foods, but overeating and eating unhealthy food has consequences if that's something you do every day.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Especially because all of the evidence-based medicine says eating well, exercising regularly, and having a healthy weight reduce your chance of heart disease, cancer, dementia, etc.

 

My relatives will say things like "...and here's to my doctor" while overeating things they shouldn't. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against occasional treats and enjoying a wide range of foods, but overeating and eating unhealthy food has consequences if that's something you do every day.

 

Yeah only reason my in-laws aren't a major problem in this realm is because I hardly see them.  But really they eat CRAZY amounts of food.  I don't like desserts much, but if I go there it's not good enough to have one slice of something.  You are expected to have a slice of each of the 5 somethings and then go for a second slice of which of the 5 you liked best.  I wish I were kidding!!

 

Although to add, my in-laws also live ridiculously long.  So I can't exactly argue the health thing.  LOL

 

 

Edited July 28, 2017 by SparklyUnicorn

[Night Elf]

Well my BIL owns a pizza franchise and always brings an enormous amount of menu items. Then they add in all the desserts and it's laid out buffet style. People eat the whole time not just one meal. Freaks me out. I'm not used to it.

[Arctic Bunny]

My DH's family is like that. A huge amount of food. My trick has always been to put half the amount I'd like to eat on my plate the first time, nicely spread out so it looks full. Then I eat slowly. Then I have seconds of one thing, then another. Then, when I'm full, I can say a) I've already had seconds/thirds and b ) I'm saving room for dessert. It is key to them that a person has seconds in order to have had enough....

[Guinevere]

My DH's family is like that. A huge amount of food. My trick has always been to put half the amount I'd like to eat on my plate the first time, nicely spread out so it looks full. Then I eat slowly. Then I have seconds of one thing, then another. Then, when I'm full, I can say a) I've already had seconds/thirds and b ) I'm saving room for dessert. It is key to them that a person has seconds in order to have had enough....

 

So smart!

[G5052]

My DH's family is like that. A huge amount of food. My trick has always been to put half the amount I'd like to eat on my plate the first time, nicely spread out so it looks full. Then I eat slowly. Then I have seconds of one thing, then another. Then, when I'm full, I can say a) I've already had seconds/thirds and b ) I'm saving room for dessert. It is key to them that a person has seconds in order to have had enough....

 

I did the same. Then I ate the amount I normally would, but they would think I was "in the game." My MIL was offended if you didn't take seconds in at least a few dishes.

 

I grew up only having desserts on special occasions, and occasionally my mother would make cookies on the weekend. In college I usually bypassed the desserts because they didn't appeal to me.

 

So it was a big shock at my in-laws to have multiple desserts and several flavors of ice cream at every meal. And not just cookies, cakes with thick frosting and cream pies with real whipped cream!

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[happi duck]

(hugs)

[nevergiveup]

If you do not have a problem, what will talking to a therapist hurt?

I would wonder why your husband and child would want you to talk to one?

Perhaps you have a problem you are not wanting to face?

 

Frankly, I have read many of your posts and have wondered if you have an issue with body image (many women do), based on some of the comments you have posted and some of the topics you have started.

[Catwoman]

This may be terrible advice, but can you go to Walmart and buy a scale so you can weigh yourself?

 

I know it's not supposed to be healthy to be overly focused on weighing yourself every day, but you're already anxious about being away from home and being around so many people all the time, so maybe buying a scale would help remove one of the added worries for you. You might be imagining that you're gaining a lot of weight but it might be just that -- your imagination -- and weighing yourself could end up being very comforting to you.

[Guinevere]

This may be terrible advice, but can you go to Walmart and buy a scale so you can weigh yourself?

 

I know it's not supposed to be healthy to be overly focused on weighing yourself every day, but you're already anxious about being away from home and being around so many people all the time, so maybe buying a scale would help remove one of the added worries for you. You might be imagining that you're gaining a lot of weight but it might be just that -- your imagination -- and weighing yourself could end up being very comforting to you.

Except scales often vary by at least a few pounds, so if the new scale varies in the heavier direction, it could be even more upsetting.

[Night Elf]

If you do not have a problem, what will talking to a therapist hurt?

I would wonder why your husband and child would want you to talk to one?

Perhaps you have a problem you are not wanting to face?

 

Frankly, I have read many of your posts and have wondered if you have an issue with body image (many women do), based on some of the comments you have posted and some of the topics you have started.

 

Oh, I know I have a different perception of the situation. I honestly do believe they are right and that is why I have made the appointment for myself. I'm scared to talk to the counselor because she will want to label it and make it a diagnosis. I have a string of mental health diagnoses and the idea that another one is hanging onto me is just darn depressing. I know I need help. I'm really tired of living like this but I can justify every move I make and every thought I have so it's easy for me to say I don't have a problem. I don't know what this therapist will do or say though. This is brand new territory for me. I tried weight loss programs prior to 2011 and never stuck with anything. Then in 2011 I joined Weight Watchers and was 100% successful losing the weight I wanted to lose. But since that time, I've weighed myself almost every day and write down every food I eat and its points value. I think about weight and food all day long. I eat one thing and immediately plan on what to eat next and when to do it. So yeah, I know I have a problem. And you're right, I just don't want to face it.

[Night Elf]

Except scales often vary by at least a few pounds, so if the new scale varies in the heavier direction, it could be even more upsetting.

 

Exactly. My MIL has a scale and I was very tempted to use it but I decided against it. It could show me at the weight I was when I left which would make me extremely happy, but with the possibility that when I step on my own scale Monday morning I'll be heavier than I thought I was. That will be devastating. Or I could see that I'm way up and that will affect my mood and how I approach food the rest of the vacation, but I may get home and find out it's not as high as I thought it was so I freaked out about nothing.

 

I can only track my true weight on one scale consistently. Using multiple scales doesn't work.

[Catwoman]

Exactly. My MIL has a scale and I was very tempted to use it but I decided against it. It could show me at the weight I was when I left which would make me extremely happy, but with the possibility that when I step on my own scale Monday morning I'll be heavier than I thought I was. That will be devastating. Or I could see that I'm way up and that will affect my mood and how I approach food the rest of the vacation, but I may get home and find out it's not as high as I thought it was so I freaked out about nothing.

 

I can only track my true weight on one scale consistently. Using multiple scales doesn't work.

Honestly, if it will be "devastating" to discover that you gained a few pounds while you were on vacation or that you turned out to be a bit heavier on one scale than another, I have to agree with your husband and your daughter that you really should see the therapist. That's pretty extreme thinking. I can understand not being happy about gaining a little weight, but it seems like you are way beyond that.

 

I'm sorry this is such a big deal for you. I hope you can learn how to deal with your concerns about your weight in a healthier way. :grouphug:

[slackermom]

:grouphug:

 

It sounds like a good idea to check in with a therapist. I know from experience how hard it can be to open up to a new therapist, especially on a topic that you have been bottling up. I eventually learned that sometimes I had to build in a little break for myself for the time right after my appointment, whether it was a movie, an hour in the bookstore, or whatever. It was something to look forward to, and a pick-me-up after an intense hour. Also, it was good to think about something else for a little while. Not that I would want to forget the therapy session, but I didn't need to spend the next hour re-analyzing everything. By the time I got home, I could talk with the family without being quite so emotionally raw.

[Kassia]

Oh, I know I have a different perception of the situation. I honestly do believe they are right and that is why I have made the appointment for myself. I'm scared to talk to the counselor because she will want to label it and make it a diagnosis. I have a string of mental health diagnoses and the idea that another one is hanging onto me is just darn depressing. I know I need help. I'm really tired of living like this but I can justify every move I make and every thought I have so it's easy for me to say I don't have a problem. I don't know what this therapist will do or say though. This is brand new territory for me. I tried weight loss programs prior to 2011 and never stuck with anything. Then in 2011 I joined Weight Watchers and was 100% successful losing the weight I wanted to lose. But since that time, I've weighed myself almost every day and write down every food I eat and its points value. I think about weight and food all day long. I eat one thing and immediately plan on what to eat next and when to do it. So yeah, I know I have a problem. And you're right, I just don't want to face it.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug: