Wasting my life, go get Bachelor's, finish well with DS12, Quill babbling, help me think thru

[Ginevra]

Brain dump here. I'm trying to make some decisions.

 

As some of you know, I earned an AA degree a few years ago, while in the middle of homeschooling 3 kids and working PT. I am so glad I did it, but I also worry some that DS (now 17) suffered in homeschooling some because of it. At the time, I did not have a good understanding of his learning style and difficulties and he didn't do well. I was expecting him to carry along fine, in the same way as DD, who is 2.5 years older than him, did, but I understand now that she is a very different student, quite intelligent and academic, and highly self-motivated. These are things DS (now 17) is not the same on. (Well, he is intelligent, but not highly academic, does not like to read, struggled with writing, needs concrete and explicit instruction, etc.) He is doing pretty well now and is at a private high school, entering Senior year this fall. So, I guess it "worked out," but I feel he was disserved by my college and working while he was in middle school years at home.

 

So, now, my only HS student is DS12, who is 7th grade this fall. He tends to be academically much more like DS17 than like DD20, although not as hampered by LDs; I do think he is on the ADHD side, as other DS is. (Inattentive type.) The past two years, I have been diligently "correcting" with this son ways that I feel I didn't correct other DS, hoping that his transition into B&M school will be much smoother than it was for DS17. I do CAT testing each year and DS12's scores this past year were markedly improved. I think that understanding the learning style of the boys has helped me teach much more effectively and I do think DS12 is on his way to having a good experience upon eventually entering school.

 

(Sorry so long!) So, here's the thing. I really want to return to college and earn a Bachelor's. I had two possible scenarios in mind - don't return to college for this next school year, but continue to diligently train DS 7th grade, and then place him in school for 8th on up. Or, continue to HS him until 9th, but in either case, don't return to college until he goes to school.

 

However, I am getting e-mails from the University; they have programs I could do entirely on-line. There is a good possibility I could get a scholarship, although probably not significant. But helpful. I cannot stop thinking about just going for it; sign up, go to college (on-line) beginning this fall. Then, I could probably complete my bachelor's in three year's time. So I would have it by the time DS12 is in high school and could then be employed FT, which is a goal, too. The pressures of all these kids going to private high school and then colleges makes me want to work sooner rather than later. And it is possible that if I don't already have some major headway made on my Bachelor's by the time DS12 is in high school, I will simply find FT work to pay for schooling and will set aside my own dreams yet again.

 

Every day I wake up thinking I am wasting my life. I tear up just typing that. I have a curious and well-functioning mind but am not gaining anything to show for it except an impressive list of books I've read and 16,000 posts on an internet message board. Oh yeah - and also those theee kids I'm so proud of! But that just doesn't feel like such a payoff, really, and I want to do something.

 

I want to take classes beginning this fall, but I also want to do well by DS12; it's only one or two more years investing in his education before I send him to B&M school. I'm leery of "forgetting" about him if I have my own papers to write and homework to complete. I do think the program on-line is more ideal for me than going to a B&M college, and this is a university that is part of the public university system; it is not a for-profit, dodgy school. I just don't know. What do you think?

 

Thanks for bearing with me if you've read this whole bunch of babble.

[ErinE]

Well, I'd admire you! Is that an accomplishment? You've shared so much of your wisdom and struggles over the years that I think you're a strong person whose trying to figure out her next steps.

 

I'm in the same boat. DH is a big advocate for public schooling and our local schools are excellent, so my younger two will be leaving home in two years. I've tried to get a job these past two years, but I've been out of the work force too long. I've been contemplating more education as well with the intent of going back to work either full-time or part-time where I'm still available for the kids' schedules.

 

Can you take it a semester at a time? Try doing some online classes in the fall and see if you and your DS can work through the change in routine.

[Scarlett]

Brain dump here. I'm trying to make some decisions.

 

As some of you know, I earned an AA degree a few years ago, while in the middle of homeschooling 3 kids and working PT. I am so glad I did it, but I also worry some that DS (now 17) suffered in homeschooling some because of it. At the time, I did not have a good understanding of his learning style and difficulties and he didn't do well. I was expecting him to carry along fine, in the same way as DD, who is 2.5 years older than him, did, but I understand now that she is a very different student, quite intelligent and academic, and highly self-motivated. These are things DS (now 17) is not the same on. (Well, he is intelligent, but not highly academic, does not like to read, struggled with writing, needs concrete and explicit instruction, etc.) He is doing pretty well now and is at a private high school, entering Senior year this fall. So, I guess it "worked out," but I feel he was disserved by my college and working while he was in middle school years at home.

 

So, now, my only HS student is DS12, who is 7th grade this fall. He tends to be academically much more like DS17 than like DD20, although not as hampered by LDs; I do think he is on the ADHD side, as other DS is. (Inattentive type.) The past two years, I have been diligently "correcting" with this son ways that I feel I didn't correct other DS, hoping that his transition into B&M school will be much smoother than it was for DS17. I do CAT testing each year and DS12's scores this past year were markedly improved. I think that understanding the learning style of the boys has helped me teach much more effectively and I do think DS12 is on his way to having a good experience upon eventually entering school.

 

(Sorry so long!) So, here's the thing. I really want to return to college and earn a Bachelor's. I had two possible scenarios in mind - don't return to college for this next school year, but continue to diligently train DS 7th grade, and then place him in school for 8th on up. Or, continue to HS him until 9th, but in either case, don't return to college until he goes to school.

 

However, I am getting e-mails from the University; they have programs I could do entirely on-line. There is a good possibility I could get a scholarship, although probably not significant. But helpful. I cannot stop thinking about just going for it; sign up, go to college (on-line) beginning this fall. Then, I could probably complete my bachelor's in three year's time. So I would have it by the time DS12 is in high school and could then be employed FT, which is a goal, too. The pressures of all these kids going to private high school and then colleges makes me want to work sooner rather than later. And it is possible that if I don't already have some major headway made on my Bachelor's by the time DS12 is in high school, I will simply find FT work to pay for schooling and will set aside my own dreams yet again.

 

Every day I wake up thinking I am wasting my life. I tear up just typing that. I have a curious and well-functioning mind but am not gaining anything to show for it except an impressive list of books I've read and 16,000 posts on an internet message board. Oh yeah - and also those theee kids I'm so proud of! But that just doesn't feel like such a payoff, really, and I want to do something.

 

I want to take classes beginning this fall, but I also want to do well by DS12; it's only one or two more years investing in his education before I send him to B&M school. I'm leery of "forgetting" about him if I have my own papers to write and homework to complete. I do think the program on-line is more ideal for me than going to a B&M college, and this is a university that is part of the public university system; it is not a for-profit, dodgy school. I just don't know. What do you think?

 

Thanks for bearing with me if you've read this whole bunch of babble.

 

 

(((Quill)))  There is no more noble work than being part of raising fine children into fine adults.  I believe that.  Which you have done and are still doing.  So you certainly are not wasting your life.

 

However, I don't think there is a hard and fast 'right answer' to this question. 

[Pink and Green Mom]

I know exactly how you feel about feeling like you are wasting your life.  I have a law degree and worked for 10 years in a high powered DC firm and have been feeling lately like I want to do something "useful" with my life.  I would never in a million years go back to practicing law but I have no idea what I want to do.  Just that I want to use my brain and be "useful".  I want to take some of the financial pressure off of my DH (one in private high school, the youngest very advanced and needing to go to an even more expensive school to have his needs met, college on the horizon, etc.) as well.

 

I think if I had a specific goal in mind and could take online classes to meet that goal, I would really give it a shot.

 

Many hugs.  I know that we are doing great work for our kids, but sometimes I feel like I personally need more. And then I feel guilty about that.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I understand. I'm sure a lot of us do.

 

I really like the one year plan - give it all you've got for son's 7th grade, to prepare him for 8th in ps. Then next year, you both go to school.

 

One year goes so fast. You aren't wasting your life. You're working a plan. Set yourself and your son up for success by laying groundwork and then being able to focus on your studies next year.

[Scarlett]

I understand. I'm sure a lot of us do.

 

I really like the one year plan - give it all you've got for son's 7th grade, to prepare him for 8th in ps. Then next year, you both go to school.

 

One year goes so fast. You aren't wasting your life. You're working a plan. Set yourself and your son up for success by laying groundwork and then being able to focus on your studies next year.

 

 

I really lean toward this plan too.  

[marbel]

I've read it!  I get it, too.   I just have some scattered thoughts right now.

 

First, you have not accomplished nothing.  You have a kid in college and 2 more on the way.  That is something.

 

Second, your younger son's experience doesn't have to be like your older son's.  You have only one kid left.  You've learned a lot.  Don't discount that experience.

 

Could you take one class at a time?  Do you have to jump in full-force, all at once?  I think that is kind of your personality, at least what I've gathered from reading your posts here.  :-)   That's not a criticism, just an observation.

 

If you can manage one class, then try two next time.  It might slow you down a little, but your son might get more benefit from you, and you will still be working toward your personal goals.  

 

ETA:  I like Tibbie's idea too.   

 

 

Edited July 26, 2017 by marbel

[BlsdMama]

Brain dump here. I'm trying to make some decisions.

 

As some of you know, I earned an AA degree a few years ago, while in the middle of homeschooling 3 kids and working PT. I am so glad I did it, but I also worry some that DS (now 17) suffered in homeschooling some because of it. At the time, I did not have a good understanding of his learning style and difficulties and he didn't do well. I was expecting him to carry along fine, in the same way as DD, who is 2.5 years older than him, did, but I understand now that she is a very different student, quite intelligent and academic, and highly self-motivated. These are things DS (now 17) is not the same on. (Well, he is intelligent, but not highly academic, does not like to read, struggled with writing, needs concrete and explicit instruction, etc.) He is doing pretty well now and is at a private high school, entering Senior year this fall. So, I guess it "worked out," but I feel he was disserved by my college and working while he was in middle school years at home.

 

So, now, my only HS student is DS12, who is 7th grade this fall. He tends to be academically much more like DS17 than like DD20, although not as hampered by LDs; I do think he is on the ADHD side, as other DS is. (Inattentive type.) The past two years, I have been diligently "correcting" with this son ways that I feel I didn't correct other DS, hoping that his transition into B&M school will be much smoother than it was for DS17. I do CAT testing each year and DS12's scores this past year were markedly improved. I think that understanding the learning style of the boys has helped me teach much more effectively and I do think DS12 is on his way to having a good experience upon eventually entering school.

 

(Sorry so long!) So, here's the thing. I really want to return to college and earn a Bachelor's. I had two possible scenarios in mind - don't return to college for this next school year, but continue to diligently train DS 7th grade, and then place him in school for 8th on up. Or, continue to HS him until 9th, but in either case, don't return to college until he goes to school.

 

However, I am getting e-mails from the University; they have programs I could do entirely on-line. There is a good possibility I could get a scholarship, although probably not significant. But helpful. I cannot stop thinking about just going for it; sign up, go to college (on-line) beginning this fall. Then, I could probably complete my bachelor's in three year's time. So I would have it by the time DS12 is in high school and could then be employed FT, which is a goal, too. The pressures of all these kids going to private high school and then colleges makes me want to work sooner rather than later. And it is possible that if I don't already have some major headway made on my Bachelor's by the time DS12 is in high school, I will simply find FT work to pay for schooling and will set aside my own dreams yet again.

 

Every day I wake up thinking I am wasting my life. I tear up just typing that. I have a curious and well-functioning mind but am not gaining anything to show for it except an impressive list of books I've read and 16,000 posts on an internet message board. Oh yeah - and also those theee kids I'm so proud of! But that just doesn't feel like such a payoff, really, and I want to do something.

 

I want to take classes beginning this fall, but I also want to do well by DS12; it's only one or two more years investing in his education before I send him to B&M school. I'm leery of "forgetting" about him if I have my own papers to write and homework to complete. I do think the program on-line is more ideal for me than going to a B&M college, and this is a university that is part of the public university system; it is not a for-profit, dodgy school. I just don't know. What do you think?

 

Thanks for bearing with me if you've read this whole bunch of babble.

 

 

 

(((Hugs)))) Quill.

 

You know that I have been doing the same thing.  Finished my AA last year while homeschooling and began my BA.

 

I feel a little hypocritical doing one thing and recommending another so I'll explain my thought process.

 

DS is 12 and your other DS is 17 which means one will be out of high school before the other is in?  I know that you want to help the kiddos out with college and that may or may not be possible.  Currently we cannot help DS with anything beyond living expenses and I deal with a lot of guilt with that.   However, I also realize DH and I put ourselves through school and we're pretty proud of it.  If we could readily help we would, but that isn't where we are.  And that's okay.  Somebody should say that: Your kid might really struggle.  Some of that could have been something you could have eased and didn't.  And that is OKAY.

 

That said, I will tell you a couple years ago I was DONE with homeschooling.  Really just phoning it in, burned out, ready to do something for me.  Figured after 20 years of pouring myself into others that I had that coming.  Wanted the degree for me, the stimulation (talking to adults, following my passions) for ME.   It's definitely a choice and I'm not sure I can label it a bad choice AT ALL.  But here's the thing, since Mayo was so nice to hand down that Motor Neuron label again, I feel like I am getting this unique perspective.  Statistically speaking I have ten years at most.  Four for it to turn into ALS and 3-5 after that if I have a slow progressing form of the disease like it looks like I do.

 

And that said, I regret the period of time when I wasn't pouring myself into my kids, preparing them for what was next (life) and just spending time playing boardgames, interacting,etc because my ATTITUDE was such that I was all, "What about ME?!"  So much of what we choose has nothing to do with the physical limitations (time, money, etc.) as much as the impact our attitudes about justifying our actions have.  I wish I had gone ahead (at a slower pace) and still did a class or two, all the while, changing my thinking pattern to:  They are my biggest priority.  How can I equip them to the best of my ability, learn alongside, have fun, laugh, and thoroughly enjoy them?

 

I think you could do the online learning. I think you would be surprised at how much time NOT commuting affords you.  I think juggling that and just two kiddos at home would be very doable for you as long as you put it in boundaries that don't infringe on your time with DS.  But I would recommend you guard that.  And some of this is going to be personality driven.  Can you take classes and keep DS your first priority without stressing and pushing so hard at school that you edge him out?  That's where I struggled.  I am really competitive and it was hard for me to back off of school enough to say, "The requirements are met.  My FIRST priority is my family and they are NOT infringing on my time."  

 

I will be honest even if it's the wrong thing to say. Honestly?  If I don't have my Bachelors by the time I die I will be REALLY sad about that.  I will.  It's a big deal for me.  But if I feel like I left something on the table, something more I could have poured into my children before adulthood and didn't?  That is a bigger tragedy.  KWIM?  So I guess I would say live with no regrets.  Prioritize what is most important for the next year.  That can always flex.

 

You already know these middle school years are a REALLY big deal.  And you don't want to have any regrets.  

 

As I flesh this out, is part time an option?  You could take two online classes, see how it goes?  Then flex accordingly - pick up two more (full time) if it works or take none the next semester?

Edited July 26, 2017 by BlsdMama

[Lecka]

Is it possible to start with one or two online classes, and then adjust from there?

[scrapbookbuzz]

I understand your struggle! What I also know is this:

you are NOT wasting your life! Any investment of time and togetherness with your kids is NOT a waste!

True, the pay is awful  ;) but there are so many rewards! I also know that at the middle school age, especially with boys,

they really need their mamas available for support and encouragement.

 

I've also come to realize of late that our struggle in making decisions is not that we don't know what the right decisions is,

it's that we're fighting against what we know to be the right decision. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

No profound thing to say here except I think you should go for it.  Take the classes.  It'll be more work for you, but that's not a bad thing.  I do my best work when I'm challenged.

 

Do not blame yourself for your kid's challenges.  That's just noooo...  I don't think you did anything wrong by him.

 

 

[Pink and Green Mom]

Many hugs to you too, BlsdMama.  :grouphug:

[Guest]

I think you could do the online learning. I think you would be surprised at how much time NOT commuting affords you. I think juggling that and just two kiddos at home would be very doable for you as long as you put it in boundaries that don't infringe on your time with DS. But I would recommend you guard that. And some of this is going to be personality driven. Can you take classes and keep DS your first priority without stressing and pushing so hard at school that you edge him out? That's where I struggled. I am really competitive and it was hard for me to back off of school enough to say, "The requirements are met. My FIRST priority is my family and they are NOT infringing on my time."

That's an astute question. I think you know me well. It is true that I'm not much on "good enough." I want to be the best, lol. I want to be the one about whom the professor says, "Class, if you are wondering what I'm looking for in a paper, just look at Danielle's, because she got a 99.5."

 

It might be doable if I am taking only one class, or maybe two. But yeah, I am good at doing one thing at 110%, but not so much at doing a mediocre job at multiple things.

[gardenmom5]

would you have to do school full-time?   could you stretch it out so you have more free time with your one at home to make sure he's on track?

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

If pursuing your own education is your consuming thought and desire, then GO FOR IT!  What a great example to set for your kids!  Homeschool is one of several good options for kids.  It sounds like your private middle and high schools are another.  It's ok to want to go back to school more than you want to keep homeschooling.  Totally ok.  

 

 

 

I understand. I'm sure a lot of us do.

I really like the one year plan - give it all you've got for son's 7th grade, to prepare him for 8th in ps. Then next year, you both go to school.

One year goes so fast. You aren't wasting your life. You're working a plan. Set yourself and your son up for success by laying groundwork and then being able to focus on your studies next year.

I tend to third this idea.  

 

No profound thing to say here except I think you should go for it.  Take the classes.  It'll be more work for you, but that's not a bad thing.  I do my best work when I'm challenged.

 

Do not blame yourself for your kid's challenges.  That's just noooo...  I don't think you did anything wrong by him.

 

It is possible that even if you hadn't been in school, you simply would have handled this situation in a less-than-absolutely-perfect way simply because it was your first time with a kid with some various challenges to learning.  You will AUTOMATICALLY handle your second son better, again whether you're in school or not, because you've BTDT and know what needs to be done differently.  The first kid (or the first one with a more difficult learning style or personality) is the experiment kid.  All the following kids benefit form our screw-ups with the first one!  You will better be able to judge where and when you need to juggle your energies between kid's needs and your own schooling.  

 

I also like the idea of seeing if you can start off at maybe a 50% rate of schooling and take two years to finish your first year.  This will keep your foot in the door, give you some extra time and energy for ds, and help to satisfy your need to be doing something other than SAHMing for the umpteenth year in a row.  :-)  Not that there is anything wrong with "just" SAHMing and HSing!!!  

 

 

[gardenmom5]

That's an astute question. I think you know me well. It is true that I'm not much on "good enough." I want to be the best, lol. I want to be the one about whom the professor says, "Class, if you are wondering what I'm looking for in a paper, just look at Danielle's, because she got a 99.5."

 

It might be doable if I am taking only one class, or maybe two. But yeah, I am good at doing one thing at 110%, but not so much at doing a mediocre job at multiple things.

 

I have a friend who went back for her masters.   she was in her late 30s? early 40s?   she was competing with 20 somethings. . . . one thing she learned - she did NOT have to work so hard she blew a curve like she did when she was a fresh faced undergrad - and her A was just as good as a 20 something's A who spent twice as much time working for that grade.

iow: economy of how you spend your study time.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I know exactly how you feel about feeling like you are wasting your life.  I have a law degree and worked for 10 years in a high powered DC firm and have been feeling lately like I want to do something "useful" with my life.  I would never in a million years go back to practicing law but I have no idea what I want to do.

A guy on my soccer team has a wife who is a former lawyer. She didn't like being a lawyer much. Now she is a recruiter for a lawyer temp agency and she absolutely loves it. Maybe that is something you'd like.

[regentrude]

Would you have to do college full time? Could you start with one class and see how it goes?

It is difficult to balance children's needs and your own, but your post sounds like your soul cries out to you to DO it. I would give it a shot. Best of luck!

 

[JumpyTheFrog]

I've been taking online classes at the local CC for the last year. Since I am at the gym 12 hours per week, I use that as my study time. That's usually enough time to get most or all my work done for two classes.

[mommyoffive]

I get how your are feeling.  I have my BA, but have been home with the kids 12 years now.  I didn't do much with it before having them.  It is so hard.  I love being home with them, but I miss not having a career too on so many levels. 

 

I like Tibbie's idea

 

 

BlsdMama's advice is gold. 

 

 

 

My mind goes right to the $.  What is the degree going to be in?  What does the job market look like for that?  Will you be able to get a job when you graduate?  

How much $ will you spend on the degree? 

Will you go into debt for it?

How many years do you plan on working? 

Will it be worth it to go into debt vs how many years you would work? 

 

[Katy]

It's the season for re-evaluating plans, isn't it?  Feeling a bit of this here too.   :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

First, stop beating yourself up over your DS17 not having an optimal experience for a year or two.  If he'd been in public school with a LD he may have NEVER had an optimal experience. Learning he really does require some hand holding is a good thing for him to know about himself before he's an adult.

 

In the same way, helping transition DS12 into less hand holding will be good for him. Ask him when he'd like to switch to a B&M school. Work towards that.  If you're not sure if you can handle the responsibilities of a full time program, can you just take a class or two and go part time?  Can you do the full time program but extend DS12's learning out into summer if he doesn't stay on task?  Summer school is what a lot of kids who get behind in B&M schools do.

 

You are not wasting anything.  You chose a path to be an ideal parent and you're doing it.  That is important work, even if you don't see the rewards until the kids are in their 30's.

 

You're not wasting your time here either.  You've positively impacted ME every single time I've been upset about something.  This might be a virtual community, but it is a community, and you are a valuable member of it.  I have breathed easier because you've been here, and, in my book, that is the definition of success.

 

That said, what is it that you want to go to school for?  Is it having a degree, is it feeling better educated, is it a specific job?  How do you think you will feel when you achieve that goal?  Is there a way to achieve that feeling today?

Edited July 26, 2017 by Katy

[Guest]

Would you have to do college full time? Could you start with one class and see how it goes?

It is difficult to balance children's needs and your own, but your post sounds like your soul cries out to you to DO it. I would give it a shot. Best of luck!

I could start with one. I might do that. Part of my thinking, though, is that the scholarships are most often for FT students. Paying for my own college while I'm swimming in other tuition bills is part of what I find daunting. Althoug if I take only one class at a time, that isn't very expensive. So, maybe.

[MysteryJen]

:grouphug:  :grouphug: BlsdMama. And to you, Quill. This is something that I have very much struggled with in past couple of years. I have homeschooled 2 to college and the 3rd will be a rising senior this year. My fourth went to ps high school (her choice) and while she has done very well and is happy, I am pretty meh about the whole thing. My last will be in 8th this year and then will be heading to ps as well. We are using this last year of homeschooling to make sure that his academic foundation is sound and he will be very prepared for school.

I frequently feel like I have done nothing with my education (BA and MA) and yet, I have no idea what to do. I will have been home for 21 years when ds3 goes to school. I know that my kids and family still need me and yet...

For me, personally, I would not be able to take on a new academic project and not do it 100%. I would shortchange the people around me, not necessarily in physical ways, but in emotional ways which would be the most damaging to all my relationships.

My mothering work is not done and I am not well-equipped to be satisfied with less than my best in every endeavor. This is *my* problem, other people seem to be able to manage everything much better than myself.

[Sneezyone]

I've never been committed to homeschooling as a long term thing or rigid ideology so take this for what it's worth. At different times in your life, you may need different things. I know I do. I've been home with my peeps for 3 years now, FT, and am ready to go back to work. I want to buy my dream house, be the fun mom who hosts pool parties for school chums, and hand the education off to a stellar crew of trained professionals. Realistically, I have at least 18-24 months before I can make that happen. So, as Tibbie suggested, I'm going to make the next two years of homeschooling count and make sure DS is ready to go off to middle school and rock the casbah. We've got great schools to choose from so guilt about quality is not an issue. My kids loved me when I was working FT, they love me when I'm not. I don't need to be unhappy for them to be happy and get what they need.

Edited July 26, 2017 by Sneezyone

[Crimson Wife]

I'm a big fan of online schooling (at a reputable school) and that a 93.0 is just as much of a straight A as the 99. A few professors were nice enough to round up anything 92.5-92.9.  :thumbup:  I took 15 courses for my 2nd bachelor's and wound up with a 3.95. I probably could've gotten a 4.0 and finished in 1 year rather than 2 had I not had a family but it's not a field that I would've ever considered entering without the experience of having had a deaf child.

[Guest]

I get how your are feeling. I have my BA, but have been home with the kids 12 years now. I didn't do much with it before having them. It is so hard. I love being home with them, but I miss not having a career too on so many levels.

 

I like Tibbie's idea

 

 

BlsdMama's advice is gold.

 

 

 

My mind goes right to the $. What is the degree going to be in? What does the job market look like for that? Will you be able to get a job when you graduate?

How much $ will you spend on the degree?

Will you go into debt for it?

How many years do you plan on working?

Will it be worth it to go into debt vs how many years you would work?

All of those questions are part of my hesitance. The thing I would *really* like to do would be Psychology, because I would want to go into Speech Language Pathology and LDs. But that would obviously mean more schooling than a BS. However, there are jobs to be had with just a BS in Psychology, which can also lead to tuition reimbursement for further schooling. If they don't care how ancient I am. ðŸ˜

 

The debt questions are more nebulous. We own some properties that could ultimately be developed and sold at a very handy profit that would pay for the remainder of the kids' colleges (no debt for that so far) and so mine would either be paid off when those properties are sold or before that, most likely. It's just that there's a lot of development work that has to happen before those properties are sold and DH is not pressed about making that happen yet, so...it's a little hard to figure out.

[amyx4]

I get it.

 

Have you taken any online classes at that University? Ds took online classes last year for dual enrollment. He took two at two different community colleges. Each of the CC had a different format for online classes. One he like better than the other.

[ktgrok]

Can you take one class this semester, just to ease into it? Work on your class at night when he's asleep or whatever? Either way, I think you should stat, but should set a schedule of when you work on your school stuff and when you work with your son. During your school time he is not to bother you with his stuff, so you can work efficiently. And during his school hours you don't work on your stuff. 

 

You could be a great example of multi tasking. 

[Peaceseeker]

I am struggling with the same thing, though I have two middle schoolers! I do have a BA but am planing to go back for a second in a more pragmatic field. I keep waiting for the "right time" but I am starting to doubt if there will ever be a right time. It wasn't 8 years ago, or 5 years ago, or 3 years ago and now is not looking great either tbh. But if I want a second career post homeschool I need to start figuring that out and working towards it. And yes I am sure some sacrifices will have to be made. I have had to accept that fact already in my life as a working homeschool mom. My homeschool will never be perfect. My acceptance of this is starting to make going to school feel possible again as I type this!

 

As far as online classes, I am pretty sure that any of us on the WTM could take the time we spend on this forum and knock out 1-2 classes a semester easily. Seriously.

Edited July 26, 2017 by CaliforniaDreaming

[regentrude]

For me, personally, I would not be able to take on a new academic project and not do it 100%. I would shortchange the people around me, not necessarily in physical ways, but in emotional ways which would be the most damaging to all my relationships.

My mothering work is not done and I am not well-equipped to be satisfied with less than my best in every endeavor. This is *my* problem, other people seem to be able to manage everything much better than myself.

 

MysteryJen, this is not meant to invalidate what you wrote, but your post reminded me to mention my personal experience:

 

I have found that I am the best mother not when I have the most time to spend on mothering, but when I feel the most emotionally fulfilled and satisfied. It was much better for my entire family when I returned to work, than when I was an unfulfilled SAHM - I bring more joy and emotional energy to my family when I am doing something besides parenting that I love and need to feel whole.

 

So, it can go both ways. 

Edited July 26, 2017 by regentrude

[wintermom]

Sounds like you had a mini-panic attack about some weird things and need to go back and make a proper list of all the things you are currently doing that have meaning to yourself and your dependents and co-dependents.  Don't define "meaningful" as something a stranger or employer pays you to do, or some piece of paper with a Bachelor of blankity blank on it.  And if you don't have a list a mile long, then go back and look again. You are obviously missing a lot if you think you are "wasting your life."

[hopskipjump]

I empathize completely.

 

With that said - my dh was in similar shoes to your son when he was being homeschooled. His mom went back to school and eventually his education was on the back burner. He is still resentful of that. He was left at home while she was busily involved in her classes and study groups.

Worse is that she never finished that degree... that really stuck with dh. He doesn't understand why she didn't just put him into a public school if she wanted to go back to school herself.

 

So I would urge you to start classes and just take one the first semester. You're then ON the path, but still will have time/energy to pour into your ds who sounds like he really needs that guidance and encouragement and motivation right now.

 

I like the previous post - do this for one year - throw yourself into him this year and help him be prepared for 8th grade in school. Then you both go back to school together. :) He'll feel like your teammate vs someone left behind.

 

{hugs} i really understand that restlessness though.

[DawnM]

I know you are worried.  I have a child with LDs as well.  But I think investing in your future is important.  I went to grad school and worked full time and had young kids at home.  I was younger and had more energy, but still.....it was worth it.

[Crimson Wife]

All of those questions are part of my hesitance. The thing I would *really* like to do would be Psychology, because I would want to go into Speech Language Pathology and LDs.

 

DO NOT MAJOR IN PSYCHOLOGY IF YOU WANT SLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Seriously, the reason I had to go back and get a 2nd bachelor's in Communicative Disorders is because my 1st one is in psychology.

 

What you want is a program that will satisfy the admission prerequisites for graduate school. Some options to consider:

 

Utah State Online

Eastern New Mexico Online

University of Florida Online

 

There may be others but those are the ones i know of that offer the 1st bachelor's. Utah State was my choice due to the combo of scheduling flexibility (all required courses are offered every semester including summer) and relatively inexpensive tuition. ENMU has lower tuition than USU but only offers courses certain semesters so it's less flexible.

[MysteryJen]

MysteryJen, this is not meant to invalidate what you wrote, but your post reminded me to mention my personal experience:

 

I have found that I am the best mother not when I have the most time to spend on mothering, but when I feel the most emotionally fulfilled and satisfied. It was much better for my entire family when I returned to work, than when I was an unfulfilled SAHM - I bring more joy and emotional energy to my family when I am doing something besides parenting that I love and need to feel whole.

 

So, it can go both ways. 

I absolutely agree with you and that is what prompted my general search which started a few years ago. Unfortunately, I have also seen with a few friends that a return to a passionate and consuming career has had some very unfortunate consequences for family life. That is just my personal experience and one that is a warning sign for me.

[Rosie_0801]

I was studying one subject while homeschooling last year. Instead of short changing dd's education(LDs and all,) I had her cook dinner more often. ;)

[Guest]

I was studying one subject while homeschooling last year. Instead of short changing dd's education(LDs and all,) I had her cook dinner more often. ;)

You're always so pragmatic, Rosie. It's one of the things I love most about you!

[Crimson Wife]

Just thought of another school that offers an online bachelor's in Communicative Disorders: Northern Arizona University. NAU also offers a summers only master's in SLP for students who are working as SLP Assistants/Technicians with their bachelor's.

Edited July 26, 2017 by Crimson Wife

[katilac]

 

As far as online classes, I am pretty sure that any of us on the WTM could take the time we spend on this forum and knock out 1-2 classes a semester easily.  

 

:lol:

[Guest]

DO NOT MAJOR IN PSYCHOLOGY IF YOU WANT SLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Seriously, the reason I had to go back and get a 2nd bachelor's in Communicative Disorders is because my 1st one is in psychology.

 

What you want is a program that will satisfy the admission prerequisites for graduate school. Some options to consider:

 

Utah State Online

Eastern New Mexico Online

University of Florida Online

 

There may be others but those are the ones i know of that offer the 1st bachelor's. Utah State was my choice due to the combo of scheduling flexibility (all required courses are offered every semester including summer) and relatively inexpensive tuition. ENMU has lower tuition than USU but only offers courses certain semesters so it's less flexible.

What is it as a Bachelor's, though? I mean, I am asking, what would my bachelor's degree read before I go to grad school? Would it be Communication Disorders?

 

I do need the intermitant goals, as there is always that possibility that grad school will not be in the cards. I don't want to be left with an AA and some assortment of credits towards being an SLP.

[Bambam]

Reading your post, I'm struck by several things.

1. You really want this degree. 

2. You have regrets about your belief your handling of DS17's schooling while you were schooling.

3. Money is a concern - but this looks like you have a time you feel like you should be earning money to contribute to tuition for various kids.

 

So, my thoughts 

1. There are some things you *cannot* go back and fix. If you think you will have regrets about younger DS's schooling and you being preoccupied with your own schooling, don't do it. Or do like someone else suggested, start small - one or two classes. Possibly this will mean you don't get those scholarships, so only you can do the evaluation to determine if that is a financially advisable.

2. You seem to believe that you are responsible for funding your children's college. I think you should re-evaluate to see if that is correct and what that looks like to you. Does that mean 100% and they do nothing (apply for scholarships, work as a RA and get free room, etc) or how exactly does that look to you? What if one doesn't want to go to college? 

3. I'd also think about retirement and savings for you and your dh.  In this category, I'd probably attempt to make a long term financial estimate to see how this looks. Depending upon your age, you may need to think about retiring funding (the ability to live independently of your children and not funding their college vs. not being able to live without depending upon your children to contribute to your housing/food/utilities or even living with them).

4. Your need for outside stimulation/education. Does it have to be this degree? Could you get the same from a volunteer organization? A part time job? Doing online classes just in subjects that interest you? Starting a group/club/whatever of like-minded people to accomplish whatever? Start your own at home specialized curriculum development business?

 

Note, I do not believe my time at home educating and guiding my children was in any way wasted. Yes, we could easily have done the nannies, private school, etc route and still come out ahead financially if I worked. But we thought it was more important for one of the parents to stay home and raise our children and educate them at home. They may never appreciate it, but we did it because we felt, and still do, that it was the best approach for our family.  So, although many may imply that staying home with your children/home educating them is not as worthwhile as some money-making occupation, I don't agree. Each family has to determine what is most important, practical, and feasible for their family. Raising three youngsters is not for the faint-hearted! 

 

[Guest]

My DS is 2 years younger than yours, so I'm not sure how applicable my experience is.  Last year I took 4 classes each semester (3 in person and 1 online).  All future semesters will be 5-6 classes, all in person (although this coming semester I will have 2 online and 3 in person).  Knowing myself, I couldn't do just one or two classes - I have to feel like I'm actually making progress toward the end goal instead of just meandering in the general direction.  So I figured out when I wanted to graduate and spaced out my classes accordingly.  However, because that would have left only 2 classes as semester (and for financial aid purposes I really needed to be FT), I added a second major and two minors to fill out my schedule.  So now I am studying EXACTLY what I want to study, taking all the classes that I am interested in and I feel I am a better person for it.  I'm feeding my soul and my need for information in a way that I can't get just from reading books on these subjects.  And I have a GOAL!  Holy cow, and I'm excited about it!  That alone does wonders for my mental health.  As I've said before, I started back at school in order to help DS with his college, like you, but now I am doing it as much for myself as for him.

Granted, it's been hard trying to balance everything.  I realized that if I have 1 hour and that extra hour will mean my B goes to an A, or I can get in two more subjects with DS plus do some cleaning, then I'm going to take the B.  That's where my line in the sand is.  It's not realistic to try to be in the honors program or even get straight As.  DS has started coming to work with me again (he took a break) so that we can get school done there too.  And I have a priority list of subjects that we work our way down every day.  If the last two don't get done, then they move up the line the next day.  So I've developed work-arounds that work for our family when I'm just too tired or stressed or whatever.

I can't definitively correlate this with this stage of life, but DS has really stepped up his game around the house and has become so much more helpful and willing to carry more weight rather than just leave everything to Mama.  We're in this school thing together, we're in this work thing together, we're taking care of each other.  That has been the most unexpected blessing.

 

 

[Crimson Wife]

What is it as a Bachelor's, though? I mean, I am asking, what would my bachelor's degree read before I go to grad school? Would it be Communication Disorders?

 

I do need the intermitant goals, as there is always that possibility that grad school will not be in the cards. I don't want to be left with an AA and some assortment of credits towards being an SLP.

 

Mine is "Communicative Disorders and Deaf Education". Other schools might call it "Speech and Hearing Science" or another variation.

 

In many states a bachelor's in Communicative Disorders will allow the holder to work as a SLP Assistant or Technician. The social skills group my daughter is participating in is facilitated by a SLPA.

 

Depending on the specific classes taken for the degree and state requirements, it may also qualify the individual to teach early childhood special education. I would just need 1 particular course (supervised field experience) at the CC in order to get my ECSE credential.

 

For a Deaf Ed initial credential, I would need "Principles of Teaching Reading", ASL 1 (even if I were going into an oral deaf classroom), and student teaching fieldwork. I would have to get my master's within a certain number of years (5?) but that's true for any PS teaching credential in my state these days.

 

[Crimson Wife]

I could also work in Early Intervention, Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy (would need a master's to become a supervising case manager), or as a Newborn Hearing Screener with my bachelor's.

Edited July 26, 2017 by Crimson Wife

[Lecka]

I just looked and saw "communication sciences and disorders" at the college where I used to live.

 

A lot of speech therapy undergrads worked with my son and it seemed like it was very competitive for them to get into grad school. But two young women who worked with him got good scholarships and got accepted to multiple programs. One young woman didn't get accepted anywhere and worked a year while deciding her next steps slash seeing if she could raise her GRE score.

 

That young woman still had a 4-year college degree and a lot of experience. Honestly I don't know what she did but I bet she is doing well now.

 

The young people I have known have been working as school aides, as aides (and other positions) at special needs summer day camp, and as employees at an in-home ABA agency.

 

In general they were either wanting to work with people with autism, or else they wanted experience in working with kids with behavior issues and learning how to be really effective with kids with some behavior challenges.

 

If you have an idea what work you want to do, and volunteering or working 10 hours a week might be more something you wouldn't over-commit to, I think that could be something to consider. It would really give you something to put on your resume as relvant experience, and it would also maybe let you meet people who could give you advice.

 

Everybody I ever met was getting experience to put on resumes or grad school applications -- so I don't really know if it is necessary, but everyone I knew I met that way!

 

Also in my state I lived in there were very few seats and many people would want to apply in-state. There could be a lot more options in other states. (Edit -- to go in-state and pay in-state tuition for a masters degree, my impression was it was easier to get accepted out-of-state just because our state didn't have very many seats.)

 

Also -- for where I lived before, the local college had a student club for speech therapy majors, and I think that would be a way to find out more information. Places looking to hire (undergrads) might make job presentations there, or they just might generally know what places would have job or volunteer opportunities that could be good.

 

These are just some thoughts I have!

 

I think it is a good field. There are a lot of really smart people, and they really make a difference in people's lives.

Edited July 26, 2017 by Lecka

[EmilyGF]

MysteryJen, this is not meant to invalidate what you wrote, but your post reminded me to mention my personal experience:

 

I have found that I am the best mother not when I have the most time to spend on mothering, but when I feel the most emotionally fulfilled and satisfied. It was much better for my entire family when I returned to work, than when I was an unfulfilled SAHM - I bring more joy and emotional energy to my family when I am doing something besides parenting that I love and need to feel whole.

 

So, it can go both ways. 

This is definitely true for me. However, for me, an important part of that is being with other adults. My husband and I are talking about me working again (he's probably the most supportive homeschool husband EVER) but everything that makes sense include me working part time from home and I'm not sure if that would be too isolating to be life giving, if that makes sense.

Emily

Edited July 26, 2017 by EmilyGF

[PrincessMommy]

first---hugs--- I completely understand that feeling that you are wasting your life. I feel the same way every day too.  i'm not currently homeschooling though - so more wasted time :(

 

I haven't read all the responses so maybe this has been answered.  Can you find out from the school what 7th and 8th grades are like?  The reason I'm wondering is because often times schools see 7th and 8th grade has a transition time to high school.  DS, with his issues, may benefit from 2 years of transition to high school.  OTOH, it may be that just one year of prep will do just fine.  In which case, I agree with the others who said taking this year for you to prepare him and then both of you go to school in the fall 2018.

 

Good luck, whatever you choose.  

[Bluegoat]

I think any of your plans could work.

 

But - I would resist the idea that reading a lot of books and educating a child isn't doing something, and means you have nothing to show. 

[Guest]

Reading your post, I'm struck by several things.

1. You really want this degree.

2. You have regrets about your belief your handling of DS17's schooling while you were schooling.

3. Money is a concern - but this looks like you have a time you feel like you should be earning money to contribute to tuition for various kids.

 

So, my thoughts

1. There are some things you *cannot* go back and fix. If you think you will have regrets about younger DS's schooling and you being preoccupied with your own schooling, don't do it. Or do like someone else suggested, start small - one or two classes. Possibly this will mean you don't get those scholarships, so only you can do the evaluation to determine if that is a financially advisable.

2. You seem to believe that you are responsible for funding your children's college. I think you should re-evaluate to see if that is correct and what that looks like to you. Does that mean 100% and they do nothing (apply for scholarships, work as a RA and get free room, etc) or how exactly does that look to you? What if one doesn't want to go to college?

3. I'd also think about retirement and savings for you and your dh. In this category, I'd probably attempt to make a long term financial estimate to see how this looks. Depending upon your age, you may need to think about retiring funding (the ability to live independently of your children and not funding their college vs. not being able to live without depending upon your children to contribute to your housing/food/utilities or even living with them).

4. Your need for outside stimulation/education. Does it have to be this degree? Could you get the same from a volunteer organization? A part time job? Doing online classes just in subjects that interest you? Starting a group/club/whatever of like-minded people to accomplish whatever? Start your own at home specialized curriculum development business?

 

Note, I do not believe my time at home educating and guiding my children was in any way wasted. Yes, we could easily have done the nannies, private school, etc route and still come out ahead financially if I worked. But we thought it was more important for one of the parents to stay home and raise our children and educate them at home. They may never appreciate it, but we did it because we felt, and still do, that it was the best approach for our family. So, although many may imply that staying home with your children/home educating them is not as worthwhile as some money-making occupation, I don't agree. Each family has to determine what is most important, practical, and feasible for their family. Raising three youngsters is not for the faint-hearted!

Okay, so there's a lot here to address. :) For 1., you make a fair point.

For 2., I really, really, really think it is important to pay for our kids' colleges to the best of our ability, through a bachelor's. Yes, I do look to them to do their own part, i.e., DD has a merit scholarship; I am helping DS17 get the best SAT results he is capable of so his aid prospects are better. We are also not looking at expensive schools and are focusing on excellent, but public, in-State schools. The older kids also both work and make a very decent amount of money; DD bought her own Macbook last year and will also be paying for travel expenses when she does Study Abroad this coming year. If one kid does not want to go to college, we will discuss that, but as much as it depends on me, I point them in that direction. I do not want vocal complaints about costs to be a deterrant for them, as this was part of the psychological barrier that prevented me from going to college at a "normal" time of life.

3. We do have retirement funding in place. It is not as well-funded as it could be, nor as well-planned, but we have both had IRAs and a few other vehicles (SEP, whatever the other thing is called) since early in adulthood. We also own rental properties and three lots for potentially building, so those are also investments. Most of where money is an issue for us is mostly psychological. We are not struggling or barely scraping by, but it is clear to me that DH suffers from the fatigue of bearing the major earning responsibility for all these years. Also, I do work PT, but it is as his secretary, so my earnings - piddly though they be - are still directly related to the success of his companies. So the burden is still his for the great majority of our income. So part of my interest in being a "real" earner is that I want to alleviate the pressure on him; he has been carrying it for too long as it is.

4. My need for stimulation. In a way, I guess it doesn't HAVE to be a degree, but it seems to me that it makes sense to get credit for the things I do anyway. I already read a lot, I already write a lot, I already love discussing interesting questions with others. Clearly, one reason why I am so addicted to being here is because I can do those things - think, consider, talk to very smart people, learn a new perspective. I do get a bit of this IRL (Book Club, co op), but not enough. I read fascinating books for fun, but I want to discuss the readings with others. (My DD's good for this, but that's about it here at home.)

 

In one sense, I do *know* that homeschooling and being very available to my kids has been a fantastic investment. I'm not sorry about it. But I am really glad the end of this gig is on the near horizon for me, too. I do think it is sobering when you pass the half-way point on probable life span. I don't want to shrink. I want to expand. I see some people who get to this point and they are just shrinking away. They are so untethered once homeschooling is no longer a relevant part of their lives. I guess I just want to know that the Second Act is waiting there for me once Act I closes.

 

One other little random comment is this: if I put off my own college for one more year, the good thing would be I am also more available to DS17 as he prepares to go to college. But OTOH, in 2018, we will be preparing to send DS to his first year of college, DD will be in her last year of college and...am I going to feel like that is something else I can pay for? My schooling, too?

[Crimson Wife]

My $0.02 is that you should enroll in the orientation & observation class COMD 2400 through Utah State Online (1 credit, $325) and/or the Intro to Communicative Disorders class COMD 2600 (2 credits, $650) to explore whether Communicative Disorders is the right field for you and whether you like the USU online format. You can enroll in non-degree status and apply for the bachelor's program if you decide it's what you want to pursue. If you decide that you would rather study psychology, you've gained an understanding of what SLP's and audiologists do and hopefully the credits would transfer over as electives if nothing else.

 

Fall semester starts August 28th.

Edited July 26, 2017 by Crimson Wife