domestic_engineer Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I've only vacationed with family ... immediate and extended family. I've never vacationed with friends (and their kids). What tips, advice, or warnings do you have for vacationing with friends? The kids in both families are about the same ages ... all elementary age or younger. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 What sort of vacation? A sightseeing vacation is different than a "relaxing" vacation.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggie96 Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Take lots of patience. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) All I can say is that if you thought you knew your friends well, you'll probably find out that you actually didn't. :laugh: It will be a learning experience, though. Make sure that you have your own vehicle or method of getting away for a bit, if you or your dh need some time away from the group. All the best. Edited July 25, 2017 by wintermom 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 What sort of vacation? A sightseeing vacation is different than a "relaxing" vacation.... This is a good question. We have only camped with friends. Those were great trips, but we were just hanging out together camping, kids playing, etc. I've never been on a sightseeing vacation with friends. But I have been on day trips with friends to sightsee and with the wrong people, even a day is trying for the friendship. You need to be sure you have compatible styles/desires/agendas for the trip. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Separate accommodations. Like, a place you and your immediate family can retreat to when you need to regroup or take a breather. Same resort, different rooms, kwim? Like instead of getting a two or three bedroom condo at a resort, get two separate one bedroom condos at the same place. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
domestic_engineer Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 It's a solar eclipse trip with another homeschooling family. We already do field trips together, so the kids are used to learning together. And we already have separate accommodations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 It's a solar eclipse trip with another homeschooling family. We already do field trips together, so the kids are used to learning together. And we already have separate accommodations.Ah! I would see what they had in mind, but would plan on meeting up for a meal or two and seeing the eclipse together. It's important that both parties have the same expectations though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 My kids and I traveled with a friend once. We all stayed together in one room just fine too. I did pop out while all the kids were watching a movie at the end of a long day and go for a walk alone, but I would have done so if I were there with dh too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggie96 Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) It's a solar eclipse trip with another homeschooling family. We already do field trips together, so the kids are used to learning together. And we already have separate accommodations. We vacationed Memorial weekend with our neighbors (6 adults, 10 kids ages 5-12). Because we were all staying at the same beach house, we bought groceries each day and just split the cost in three. Each family brought a little something special for all the kids (glow sticks, sidewalk chalk, hot wheels, coloring supplies). That wasn't planned but worked out nice because the kids got something "special" each day to help pass this time. The kids all stayed in the same room together and had a "sleep-over" but were able to retreat to their parent's room when needed. That was nice because it gave the adults a break from so many kids and the kids a break from so many adults. :) We had lots of picky eaters so we made sure that the kiddos had their favorites to avoid any "hangry" issues in such a large group. Mostly we tried to make sure the kiddos and adults had fun things to do each day and keep busy because lots of down time usually results in getting on each other's nerves. Edited July 25, 2017 by aggie96 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 We did that once. We will not do that again... 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 We shared a vrbo vacation home with another family very similar to ours. For several years. Worked great. We're both sorry the home is no longer for rent. Realizing how blessed we are. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) Make sure you know your friends really, really well and match in daily habits and have the same ideas of what constitutes a good vacation. I have dear friends with whom I shall never ever vacation again because we drive each other crazy. Like the guy who started leisurely breakfasting when we all stood with backpacks packed ready to climb. Think of things like: morning people vs late sleepers, active peope vs beach loungers, money spendes vs frugal types etc. Once you throw kids in the mix, it gets even worse, because you want resonably similar parenting styles. It won't work if one family's kids have a strict bedtime/restricted eating/etc and the other does not. Edited July 25, 2017 by regentrude 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Just be aware that parenting styles can be vastly different, and this can have serious effects when you're spending an extended amount of time with another family. We learned this the hard way, and with friends we'd literally known and vacationed with since we were teenagers. We took exactly one trip once both couples had kids and never again. When another parent's style makes it difficult to appropriately parent your own kids (because they are much more strict or lenient or whatever), it kind of sucks the fun out for everyone. In our case, the other child intentionally did things to get our children in trouble with us, but in a sloppy way that was completely obvious (he was only 5 at the time). Our friends refused to intervene, however -- they are pretty hands-off -- so we were left with the choice of either ignoring it or disciplining our own children for something that wasn't really their fault. It was hard. But for a short trip, everyone can have fun. If your kids are old enough, I'd talk to them first about the fact that there may be some need for adapting your family's usual rules and routine in order to make it comfortable for everyone. And I'd definitely have an "escape plan" that allows your family to get away for a bit as needed! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrips Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 We've vacationed with long time friends and shared a beach house together. But me and the mom were very compatible, similar parenting styles. and the kids were best friends. That said, we planned some joint activities and some separate activities. We planned ahead for meals, and also each did a date night each, taking turns cooking and sitting for the five kids (all aged 5yo). It worked out great. Have fun! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I think going over expectations with each other is good. There are so many variables.... what time do you start your day?? Early riser or sleeping in. Where do we eat?? Fast food or sit down restaurant? What's the budget like?? Is there $$ for extra side-trips, museums, etc. or not?? I've traveled with various people over the years and some types of trips are well suited for doing it with friends and some types are not. A friend of mine and I took a trip to Boston and Cape Cod for a week once, and while we did have a good time, it was dicey at times, especially when people have different expectations. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingaway Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 It was very disappointing both times we tried this. I'm still sad about what I didn't get to see because of the lame things they wanted to do, and it cost me more than I would have spent, but I didn't want to introduce any discord into the situation. Discuss beforehand what you're doing exactly. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) Make sure you know your friends really, really well and match in daily habits and have the same ideas of what constitutes a good vacation. I have dear friends with whom I shall never ever vacation again because we drive each other crazy. Like the guy who started leisurely breakfasting when we all stood with backpacks packed ready to climb. Think of things like: morning people vs late sleepers, active peope vs beach loungers, money spendes vs frugal types etc. Once you throw kids in the mix, it gets even worse, because you want resonably similar parenting styles. It won't work if one family's kids have a strict bedtime/restricted eating/etc and the other does not. :iagree: Expectations are so important. We've successfully traveled with friends many times. Only once did it not go so well. We had invited a couple w/1 kids to join us (2 parents, 2 kids) at a condo that we already had reserved via a timeshare exchange. It was a 3 bedroom. When we invited them, we told them that they'd have one of the bedrooms plus their child could use the couch in living room or sleep with them. Their choice, their room had two queens in it. They weren't asked to pay for the place to stay at all. We'd only paid the exchange fee so the place cost less than $150 for the week. As part of the initial invite, I told them that it had a kitchen BUT that we typically only ate breakfast in and were gone for lunch/dinner. This was Disney, we don't come back for breaks except on the 1-2 days we don't do the parks and hang out at the pool & such. On those nights, we usually get pizza. We DON'T cook on vacation. We also told them that they didn't have to do everything we did, they'd have their own set of keys. We invited them approximately six months out....... They were so excited, yes, yes....... About two weeks out from the trip, the wife wants to start planning meals so that we can shop as soon as we get there. I responded with something like "well, I usually just walk through the store & pick up breakfast stuff, drinks and snacks". She wants to meal plan dinners. I reminded her that my family wouldn't be there for lunch/dinner except maybe 1-2 nights. And again, I reminded her that they didn't have to do what we did, they were free to come back for dinner, whatever. I thought she got it..... And then we arrived. She starts asking dh about meals and he's like "what? I thought you discussed this???". And then she sees that my kids have their own room, which I'd told her before and she's like "oh, J can sleep with them instead of us". I'm like, no, I already told you that when I made the offer, J could sleep with you all or on couch bed. There was a reason for that: My youngest, with autism, was going to need a place for his own breaks at night, without J. His own brother knows when to leave him alone but J doesn't. And I knew it would be best for him to have his own bed. Gah, they were getting a free place to stay at a NICE place and they knew "what was what" when I invited them. Her dh actually got it, she acted clueless...... It was a stressful week. We did less with them than was expected, which was fine. Now, I'm even clearer when we invite people to join us..... but we still do, because most of the time, it works out fine. I should add that we are generally flexible but we had already planned this particular trip and knew how some things needed to work for ds and for how we do Disney. I'd have a different view if we'd started off planning the trip together and coming up with how things "work"...... Edited July 25, 2017 by QueenCat 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I vacationed with friends and it was fine. We shared a rented townhouse and each had our separate parts of the house to retreat to if we needed it. They are night owls and we were early risers. It was ok. We headed out to the vacation place when it opened, met up with the other family when they arrived around noon, and then we headed home while they stayed until closing. We had to be clear about which days we'd spend time together and which days we'd be completely separate. They run hard on their vacations and do All The Things, and we like to take it slow and let the pace of life slow down. The only miscommunication was about food. We decided to share the costs of dinners that we'd cook together. We planned a few dinner meals and my friend said she'd get the ingredients and then I'd give her half of the cost. When we got to the place, she pulled out a ton of food--breakfast, lunch, dinner, a boatload of snacks. Tons of food. And then gave me a bill for $250. I had thought we were sharing the cost of 4 dinners, not of 5 full days of food. And I wouldn't have picked all that food! Plus, I had already brought my own breakfast, lunch, and snack food. She thought she was in charge of ALL the food and had taken a lot of time and effort to find breakfast, lunch, and snack choices that she hoped we would like, in addition to the 4 dinners we'd planned. I paid the $250 and then my family happily tucked into all the stuff she brought for us all to eat. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 We're doing the exact same thing. Well, not with another homeschooling family, but we're meeting two of my old high school friends and their kids to hang out for a few days and do the eclipse together. It's been a long time since I've vacationed with these folks, but since I've known them for over half my life, I know it's going to be fine. The kids all think of each other as something like cousins. I agree with the above that it's important to know each other's parenting when you do it with kids. You don't have to be in agreement about all things, but things that are no big deal when you're just hanging out at the park once a week can become a bigger deal when you're in each other's space all day for a couple of days. Good luck! It'll probably be great. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdbates78 Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) We went to Europe with DH's best friend and his wife, sans kids, a few years ago. They are night owls who like to sleep in until noon. We are the opposite. They also have more extravagant taste in restaurants and with wine and cocktails which caused a bit of friction. We shared a vrbo and a car in Germany and a vrbo in Rome. By the time we got to Rome I was so over it and glad we no longer had a vehicle and could do our own thing. I planned most of it and a lot fell on my shoulders, including any complaints they had. I had no idea how different our traveling styles were and I wouldn't do it again. My takeaway suggestion is to discuss things like schedules and meal expectations (costs, type) ahead of time. It sounds like a short trip, which should be ok. Our trip was two weeks...and about 12 days too long :) Edited July 25, 2017 by tdbates78 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 We have friends that we meet up with. I like to cook, they like to eat. That works out great. They have someone in the family who owns a winery, so they always have good wine to share. That works out really great. But if we had to crowd into the same house, not so much. So we don't. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Make sure you know your friends really, really well and match in daily habits and have the same ideas of what constitutes a good vacation. I have dear friends with whom I shall never ever vacation again because we drive each other crazy. Like the guy who started leisurely breakfasting when we all stood with backpacks packed ready to climb. Think of things like: morning people vs late sleepers, active peope vs beach loungers, money spendes vs frugal types etc. Once you throw kids in the mix, it gets even worse, because you want resonably similar parenting styles. It won't work if one family's kids have a strict bedtime/restricted eating/etc and the other does not. Totally my exerience. I don't actually like vacationing with other families at all. It's hard enough just balancing the needs and wishes of my immediate family. The vacations I have enjoyed most have been myself with one child or one other person. When I go on a trip with one child, I control-freakishly enjoy setting the agenda and not having to constantly negotiate with other adults. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 We've done it a number of times and it's a mixed bag. One family we had a great time with the first time, but the second time the husband was in a funk and it wasn't as fun. But we're still great friends with them, no permanent damage done. It works best if you stay flexible and if you have your own space to retire to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Don't plan on doing every single thing together. Both families will need down time. We have vacationed/camped with a number of different families. Aside from my brother and his husband, there is exactly one family I feel we vacation with seamlessly. they feel the same way and so we vacation together quite a bit. There's one family that, well, after camping with them, we are cordial but we aren't really friends with anymore. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 26, 2017 Share Posted July 26, 2017 We went to Europe with DH's best friend and his wife, sans kids, a few years ago. They are night owls who like to sleep in until noon. We are the opposite. They also have more extravagant taste in restaurants and with wine and cocktails which caused a bit of friction. We shared a vrbo and a car in Germany and a vrbo in Rome. By the time we got to Rome I was so over it and glad we no longer had a vehicle and could do our own thing. I planned most of it and a lot fell on my shoulders, including any complaints they had. I had no idea how different our traveling styles were and I wouldn't do it again. My takeaway suggestion is to discuss things like schedules and meal expectations (costs, type) ahead of time. It sounds like a short trip, which should be ok. Our trip was two weeks...and about 12 days too long :) Definitely talk about it...... we eat out, no eating in, but most are moderately priced for wherever we are, but one or two nights would be more lavish, during a week. Wine and cocktails, though, you can have at any meal. And you can say no, even if they get them. Just make sure the waiter knows to split the check. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted July 26, 2017 Share Posted July 26, 2017 Make sure you know your friends really, really well and match in daily habits and have the same ideas of what constitutes a good vacation. I have dear friends with whom I shall never ever vacation again because we drive each other crazy. Like the guy who started leisurely breakfasting when we all stood with backpacks packed ready to climb. Think of things like: morning people vs late sleepers, active peope vs beach loungers, money spendes vs frugal types etc. Once you throw kids in the mix, it gets even worse, because you want resonably similar parenting styles. It won't work if one family's kids have a strict bedtime/restricted eating/etc and the other does not. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 26, 2017 Share Posted July 26, 2017 Definitely, it helps to be with a family that has a similar take on parenting. Once on a camping trip, we were with a family that believed in having early bedtimes for tweens while camping. Their kids, their rules but they wanted our kids to go to bed too. We are (along with the family that we are simpatico with) are of the mind that kids fall asleep when they want to when sleeping in a tent, after getting their fill of toasted marshmallows and silly stories. It's not good or bad, just different and it made the trip hard for the kids from all of the families. My sons don't consider it camping without at least one very late night in front of the campfire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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