Cross Post - best Pro-Homeschooling Books

[Ewe Mama]

Ram Man and I have butted heads for years over homeschooling. He went along with it for a while, but is now making loud noise about sending all the kids to ps. I will be the first to admit that our marriage is less than ideal to begin with, but I love homeschooling all the kids. He has never read about it, never looked at curriculum catalogs, never looked at the kids's work, nothing. But he suddenly thinks he knows what's best and I am...bitter, resentful, angry, frustrated. Just pick a negative adjective and it probably fits.

 

We are going to work on marriage counseling and a stipulation that I have is that he must read two books on homeschooling so we can have a true conversation over the topic.

 

I passed on my collection of pro-homeschooling reading material, as I gave up on him ever reading any of it. Could you recommend some titles that are:

 

Interesting

A fairly quick read (he has the attention span of a gnat)

Focus more toward higher grade levels, as our kids will be 4th through high school this yesr

Spend a lot of time on the socialization myth

Include bullying/peer pressure

Going to collage as a homeschooler

 

I'm not holding my breath, but my hope and prayer is that he realizes ihomeschooling is a good thing, becomes supportive and encouraging about homeschooling, and wants to be an involved homeschool dad. Our eldest recently decided that she wants to try the public school and he's all hung ho to get her signed up. I'm not, but I accept that she is old enough to try it out and will be supportive of her.

 

Thanks!

[Milknhoney]

Okay, since no one else has posted here I'll take a shot...

 

I don't have any books to recommend, as I've really only read WTM. But my husband has never and will never read a book on homeschooling. And regarding any given topic on which we might disagree, reading a book on the topic would never change his mind. There is absolutely nothing I can say, no argument I could make, that could convince him of anything other than what he's already made up his mind to. I know that is not very encouraging, but it's true nonetheless. I think it may help the strife between the two of you, though, if you maybe give up on taking that job of convincing him and leave it in God's hands. Because seriously, that is the only time my husband ever changes his mind towards my way of thinking, ever!!! He's just got to go through the experiences and make the observations for himself.

[daijobu]

If I were opposed to something, there is no way would I want to read a whole book espousing an opposing viewpoint.  Who has the time?  

 

But maybe he'd be convinced by reading an article in a prominent newspaper or magazine.   WSJ, NYT, Washington Post have all had articles in recent years about families homeschooling.  (I chose those links randomly.  You can search on "<publication name> homeschooling" for a bunch more.  Or "<famous college name> homeschooling".

 

Wired: Hacking Education

MIT

Homeschooling is the path to Harvard

Stanford offers a high school program for homeschooled students

 

Finally, I will add that it is very difficult to change deeply held beliefs with mere facts.  Here is an article about how to change people's minds.

 

HTH!

 

 

[fralala]

I think the articles are a fine idea. I read this post and felt bad about your situation and wasn't sure that I could contribute any books, but I did want to say-- and this may not be the case in your situation-- that sometimes the things my husband says bother him and sometimes what is actually bothering him are different. For instance, "I am feeling neglected because you focus all your energy on our children and I want you to focus on ME" is never going to come out of my husband's mouth, but might manifest as a generalized complaint about homeschooling.

 

I don't know if this is your situation at all or it really is just a disagreement about homeschooling, but I have found sometimes that putting my energy behind the words that come out of my husband's mouth vs. the feelings that he is unable to express is a waste of my time. In any case, my own husband has never picked up a book about homeschooling (or parenting), not even the ones I leave beside the toilet, so I wish you luck!

[8filltheheart]

Are there any active homeschool groups in your area that might be offering homeschool to college talks this fall? I have given them in my area. We just moved and I saw a talk publicized here when we first moved in. Hearing other homeschoolers talk about the how's and outcomes might help address his concerns. Or if not a formal presentation, maybe an informal meet with parents of older kids.

 

Another option might be to address his concerns head on and work on finding a compromise you can both accept. A range of options exists between homeschooling and ps. Homeschooling with outside accountability? Annual testing? Online courses for high school? If socialization is a concern, involvement in group activities?

 

Best wishes on working this out.

[Ewe Mama]

Thank you for the suggestions and encouragement. The children are heavily involved in 4-H, church activities, Tech Wizards, and one just started city-league pee-wee football, plus there are friends and family with whom to spend time. I have gotten them involved in every activity. He has helped out with the football playing child, but that's it.

 

I'm not seeking to change his mind about homeschooling, I'm just trying to be able to help him see that there are good things about it that he refuses to hear directly from me. One of the reasons we are going to counseling is because he expects a therapist to say, across the board, that putting them in school is always in the best interest of the children. I hope the guy we are going to talk to isn't such a Neanderthal, but you never know.

 

I have read about topics I don't necessarily agree with to gain a better understanding of the reasoning behind them so I could get a firmer foundation for my own belief. A know your enemy kind of thing. His arguments against homeschooling are so shallow that I would laugh if I weren't crying over the state of everything.

 

Thank you for the article links. I will print them off for him to peruse. He is definitely more likely to read those than a book.

 

I don't have a network of homeschooling families to tap into. The few that I have known always end up enrolling them in high school. :(

[blendergal]

I really like Family Matters by David Guterson. It's dated now, but he wrote from the point of view of a pro-homeschooling parent who was also a public school teacher. There's a good sample on Google Books.

[heartlikealion]

I linked a site with pie charts and stuff, but it really didn't say much about the outcome of homeschool students. But maybe you can find a site with some stats or something that would put his mind at ease?

Edited July 27, 2017 by heartlikealion

[displace]

Thank you for the suggestions and encouragement. The children are heavily involved in 4-H, church activities, Tech Wizards, and one just started city-league pee-wee football, plus there are friends and family with whom to spend time. I have gotten them involved in every activity. He has helped out with the football playing child, but that's it.

 

I'm not seeking to change his mind about homeschooling, I'm just trying to be able to help him see that there are good things about it that he refuses to hear directly from me. One of the reasons we are going to counseling is because he expects a therapist to say, across the board, that putting them in school is always in the best interest of the children. I hope the guy we are going to talk to isn't such a Neanderthal, but you never know.

 

I have read about topics I don't necessarily agree with to gain a better understanding of the reasoning behind them so I could get a firmer foundation for my own belief. A know your enemy kind of thing. His arguments against homeschooling are so shallow that I would laugh if I weren't crying over the state of everything.

 

Thank you for the article links. I will print them off for him to peruse. He is definitely more likely to read those than a book.

 

I don't have a network of homeschooling families to tap into. The few that I have known always end up enrolling them in high school. :(

I'd be careful re: therapist. It could be someone who has no experience with homeschooling and will make a blanket recommendation to send to PS. Consider how that might really undermine you and make it much harder for you.

[Susan in TX]

I wonder what would happen if you agreed to having them all go to public school IF he then becomes entirely responsible for all the parent work involved in having a child in public school? He would have to be the one that gets everyone up, dressed, fed, and to school. He would be the one responsible for picking them up from school or arranging transportation. He would be the one helping with homework, signing papers, talking with teachers, running to the store for supplies to do a project etc. I have had kids in public school before and for me it is way more work than homeschooling especially for elementary school.

 

Anyhow, this is mostly just hypothetical musing, but if I were in your place, I might try this tactic. Could be that once he realises how much work it will take on his part for the kids to be in public school that he won't be so eager to send them. And if he still insists that they go at least you won't be doing all the work.

 

ETA: After thinking about this some more I want to add that a father that has taken no interest in or responsibility for his children's education up to this point does not have the right to suddenly call the shots and insist things be done his way.

 

 

Susan in TX

 

 

Edited July 27, 2017 by Susan in TX

[Milknhoney]

I would also be cautious about the therapist and would definitely recommend pastoral counseling instead. Not just about the homeschooling thing, but for better marriage advice in general.

[Ewe Mama]

I hear you loudly and clearly on the therapist. He is drenched in academia, with multitudes of alphabet soup after his name, so my alarm bells are already going off, but this is just a consultation. I have a couple other people on my shortlist and I have the right to change the therapist, as dh already said we both need to be comfortable talking to him.

 

I have told dh that he would need to get the kids ready and out the door, and to help them with homework and get them organized for the following day. He said he would be more than happy to "help." Yeah, for about 30 seconds. He also asked if I would be willing to jeopardize our children's academic future to prove a point. Ummm, no, but he already has that one covered by making this demand. If he persists further in this vein, I will be signing myself up for every evening class, Bible study, and girls' night out that I can find and leave him home to deal with the mess of his own devising since he chose to overrule my and the children's objections. He can walk in my shoes for a while and see how he likes (essentially) being a single parent, without support, encouragement, interest, etc, from the person he married. He can be the chauffeur to and from dr appointments, football practice, play dates, 4-H, church activities, and see how much he manages to accomplish and how happy and fulfilled he is doing it on his own. Me? I'll take on his role of "fun parent" and do everything I can to show them a good time while he is pulling his hair out.

 

I know this may sound petty and childish to some of you and that I'm not taking a very Christian approach to this. I have tried taking the high road so many times to no avail, and spent hours on my knees, pouring my heart out to the Lord and asking Him to change my heart where I am in the wrong. I am utterly weary.

Edited July 28, 2017 by Ewe Mama

[Susan in TX]

:grouphug:

 

I'm really sorry you are going through this. My situation is similar to yours in that I pretty much handle all the parenting responsibilities and my husband isn't at all involved in homeschooling. But he is supportive of how I choose to do things (or at least he keeps his mouth shut if he isn't). You have been put in a tough place. If he does insist that the children go to school, don't let him get away with just "helping". Let him be the one to get them registered. Make it clear that their education will be 100% his responsibility if he insists that they go to school.

 

 

Susan in TX

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited August 14, 2017 by lllll

[Sebastian (a lady)]

How does he think homeschooling would jeopardize their future? Are there specific areas of concern like subjects that get out off or a sense that homeschoolers around you are not academic successes?

 

The high school and college board has a lot of threads about students doing great work at the high school level. The annual college acceptance thread is pretty amazing. I don't think homeschool is the only good option, but can certainly be one of the good options.

 

I sympathize with your frustration but would not recommend a fine it's your problem now approach.

[Bluegoat]

I hear you loudly and clearly on the therapist. He is drenched in academia, with multitudes of alphabet soup after his name, so my alarm bells are already going off, but this is just a consultation. I have a couple other people on my shortlist and I have the right to change the therapist, as dh already said we both need to be comfortable talking to him.

 

I have told dh that he would need to get the kids ready and out the door, and to help them with homework and get them organized for the following day. He said he would be more than happy to "help." Yeah, for about 30 seconds. He also asked if I would be willing to jeopardize our children's academic future to prove a point. Ummm, no, but he already has that one covered by making this demand. If he persists further in this vein, I will be signing myself up for every evening class, Bible study, and girls' night out that I can find and leave him home to deal with the mess of his own devising since he chose to overrule my and the children's objections. He can walk in my shoes for a while and see how he likes (essentially) being a single parent, without support, encouragement, interest, etc, from the person he married. He can be the chauffeur to and from dr appointments, football practice, play dates, 4-H, church activities, and see how much he manages to accomplish and how happy and fulfilled he is doing it on his own. Me? I'll take on his role of "fun parent" and do everything I can to show them a good time while he is pulling his hair out.

 

I know this may sound petty and childish to some of you and that I'm not taking a very Christian approach to this. I have tried taking the high road so many times to no avail, and spent hours on my knees, pouring my heart out to the Lord and asking Him to change my heart where I am in the wrong. I am utterly weary.

 

Perhaps your dh is worried because you think academia is likely to be opposed to homeschooling somehow?