momacacia Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) ​So, why would someone who is giving a gift to someone else, or is around when someone is receiving a gift from someone else when the giver is not present, minimize the gift? They have done this on several occasions, but only two come to mind. They are an extended family member and were delivering a handmade gift from another extended family member. They mentioned that "gift giver made this item for someone else but [for whatever reason] didn't give it to them, decided not to give it to them, etc." Then several years later, they gave a Christmas gift and as the gift was opened explaining about part of the gift "what a good deal with was." ​I realize that we are all raised in different gift-giving cultures, but it always seems to demean the gift. Who wants to be told that they got a hand-me-down as a gift, or that their Christmas gift was on the cheap? What does this stem from? Thoughts? Edited July 25, 2017 by momacacia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Trying not to brag? And going too far the other way? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 They're attempting to manipulate your feelings toward the gift giver. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishes Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 (edited) This is common in Chinese culture. Down-playing the gift means it it an amazing gift. Talking about the good deal they made shows the cleverness of the buyer. Edited July 25, 2017 by Wishes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I don't think the giver is downplaying their gift. It sounds like Aunt Suzie is saying, "Here, Aunt Jane sent this with me for you. It's regifted crap." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 They're attempting to manipulate your feelings toward the gift giver. This certainly must be true as to the first incident with the handmade gift, right? Doesn't necessarily give you warm, fuzzy feelings about the gift giver; but, also makes you wonder about the person delivering the gift and making the comment. I would try to not disclose something like that, just even in the interest of not making the gift recipeint feel bad. This is eye opening and really interesting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Some people give gifts to manipulate and show off or get people to be indebted to them. I think it's a reaction to that sometimes. Like, I really don't want you to make a big deal out of this. Like, even though this seems like a super expensive gift/a gift that took a lot of effort, I don't want you to feel indebted. I would feel uncomfortable giving a gift to someone I wasn't close with that was expensive or homemade but obviously took a ton of time because it seems to be too much. And I'd feel uncomfortable on the other end, like if a distant relative suddenly gifted me with a pricey gift, I'd be like, whoa, this is too much. Appreciating the gift would be harder. But I also think we live in an uncomfortable gift-giving society. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 They lack social awareness? They do not care for the gift giver or recipient and want to make one of them feel or look badly? They are grouchy they got put in charge of delivering gifts? Ds has blurted out things before and we had to talk to him. "It cost X dollars." LOL Now sometimes if it's just dh and I we will reveal we got a great deal because it means we didn't dent the budget and it makes the other person happy. But with others I prefer not to go into detail about the spending. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 They lack social awareness? I do wonder if it's lack of social awareness. There are other things they do that have raised that issue about them in my mind. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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