How Much Should a Teen Put Up With For A Job

[goldberry]

DD got what seemed to be a very nice job for summer.  When she first started there they were gushy sweet to her, because they couldn't seem to get anyone to stay there, needed help, etc.  (This maybe should have been a sign because tons of people are looking for jobs in our area.)    Then things started getting rough.  They were doing the thing of yelling at her for doing something wrong, but that she wasn't trained for.  That happens at jobs I know, but they were really being over the top, actually yelling and mean... they would say, "Why can't you do any of this right?" and when she would ask for specifics they wouldn't have any to give her.  

 

They would throw something back at her and say this isn't done right, and she would ask what the problem was and they would say "figure it out!"  This was in her second week.  Another example, there was something that was supposed to go in a certain location but wouldn't fit in that location, so DD put it in a different area for the moment.  The boss came in, went and grabbed it, said "Put this where it belongs, why are you so lazy?"  

 

Today the morning was going relatively well, no problems.  Then the boss said, "Can I ask you a question?  Why are you such an awful worker?"  What the heck?  These are just some examples, there are more.

 

At first I was encouraging DD to stick it out because it's only for the summer.  I've had crap jobs in my time.  But I don't know that I've had employers be verbally abusive like that.  

[Valley Girl]

No way in HELL would I tolerate being treated like that if I had any other options. Nor would I want my child being treated like that for the sake of a summer job. (Not saying in any way that you do.)

 

If there is a management structure or authority at this workplace, I would have her document this appalling behavior and report it. Then quit. Without notice.

 

Those people are WAY out of line.

 

(I'd have a really hard time not going all mama bear on them myself.)

 

Sorry she's being treated that way. No excuse for that.

[JudoMom]

I wouldn't stay (unless I needed the money to live), so I wouldn't expect my child to, either. I can't believe she's being treated so horribly. Normally I'm a stick it out person, but I think the way she's being treated is over the top bad.

[AmandaVT]

Ugh, I wouldn't put up with that and I'd have no problem having my kid quit a job like that either. Is she a kid who would be able to tell the boss that she needs to be spoken to in a respectful manner?

 

Is there an HR department at this job that she could complain to? Or is a small place?

[PinkTulip]

Nope, I wouldn't let my kid stay there. It's one thing to be frustrated when things aren't done right because someone is new, but entirely different to not teach them the right way to do it and to make personal attacks and call someone names.

 

If my child *really* needed the money and it were hard to find anything else, then maybe, but if it's a summer job for "nice to have" money and a good experience, then nope.

[marbel]

That sounds like a pretty hostile environment to me.  How long has she been working?   Is there a probationary period?  

 

If one of my kids had that sort of working environment, I would encourage them to put in their two-week notice now.   I've had lots of crap jobs too, and terrible bosses, but nothing like what you describe.  If they are so awful it's unlikely they're going to give her a good reference, so she may as well get out now. 

[goldberry]

Ugh, I wouldn't put up with that and I'd have no problem having my kid quit a job like that either. Is she a kid who would be able to tell the boss that she needs to be spoken to in a respectful manner?

 

Is there an HR department at this job that she could complain to? Or is a small place?

 

It's a smaller place.  She has already met with the boss once and said she is happy to try to fix whatever they have problems with if they could be more specific and tell her how to fix it.  They just said, well, you should know all this by now.  But again, they can't give examples.  

[Pegasus]

Verbal abuse is NOT ok.  Would you want your DD putting up with it from a future SO?

[goldberry]

You guys are confirming what I was feeling.  At first I said stick it out and DH said go.  But every single day more abuse is spewed.  I've moved on to the "go" camp.  That is more than just a crappy job.

[Southern Ivy]

Nope. I walked out on a job that I needed because of verbal abuse and having a cake thrown at me. I sure as heck wouldn't make my teen daughter stay in that environment either. There's sticking it out and then there's accepting abuse. She doesn't need to accept the abuse. 

I'm sorry. That totally sucks. But, get her out now. 

[ChocolateReignRemix]

They sound like awful employers. 

[Southern Ivy]

Also, those people do not deserve 2 weeks notice. 

[BigMamaBird]

This is a definite case of "Take this job and shove it."

[lynn]

No she should not have to put up with being treated like that.

Time to quit.

[goldberry]

Also, those people do not deserve 2 weeks notice. 

 

They are obviously not going to give her a reference at this point anyway.  

[eternalsummer]

She should quit yesterday.  No wonder they can't keep employees.

[Southern Ivy]

They are obviously not going to give her a reference at this point anyway.  

How long was she working there? I wouldn't even bother putting them down as work experience. I only do that if it's 6 mos or more. 

[goldberry]

How long was she working there? I wouldn't even bother putting them down as work experience. I only do that if it's 6 mos or more. 

 

Just since June.  

[Rebel Yell]

My child would have walked out. Maybe not after the first incident, giving some grace in case it was an unusually bad day, but as soon as it became a pattern then it's a deal breaker.

 

Job things id put up with (but not like) would be rough language- in general, never directed at my child- as in, "The effing light is burnt out again" opposed to "What the eff is wrong with you, you stupid bleeping bleep?" or non-radio-edit music playing. Having the schedule come out late or last minute changes- annoying but not a deal breaker. But what you described is unacceptable.

 

And I would hope that, if my child was asked why she was such an awful worker, she would answer "I'm not. You're an awful boss. I quit."

[Guest]

I would first confirm that these are actual, real things being said and not your dd's perception of what is being said. I'm not saying your dd is lying, but sometimes kids - especially kids who have been raised in a "friendly" home - can perceive verbal abuse when it wasn't actually said with an abusive tone or abusive implication.

 

If, however, it turns out to be true, then I would definitely not expect my child to endure verbal abuse.

[Southern Ivy]

My child would have walked out. Maybe not after the first incident, giving some grace in case it was an unusually bad day, but as soon as it became a pattern then it's a deal breaker.

 

Job things id put up with (but not like) would be rough language- in general, never directed at my child- as in, "The effing light is burnt out again" opposed to "What the eff is wrong with you, you stupid bleeping bleep?" or non-radio-edit music playing. Having the schedule come out late or last minute changes- annoying but not a deal breaker. But what you described is unacceptable.

 

And I would hope that, if my child was asked why she was such an awful worker, she would answer "I'm not. You're an awful boss. I quit."

RIGHT? All of that. 

[FaithManor]

Nope. She needs to quit today. There are not a lot of jobs out there for teens these days so the fact that they have not been able to keep workers is a big red flag.

 

She should call them and say that since they are not capable of explaining their expectations, she is moving on. No need for more information.

 

My father figure was like that. Expected employees to read his mind, perfectionist extreme, and a yeller. He could never figure out why employees generally didn't stay long.

[Word Nerd]

Nope, nope, nope. I wouldn't tolerate that or expect my teen to.

[goldberry]

I would first confirm that these are actual, real things being said and not your dd's perception of what is being said. I'm not saying your dd is lying, but sometimes kids - especially kids who have been raised in a "friendly" home - can perceive verbal abuse when it wasn't actually said with an abusive tone or abusive implication.

 

If, however, it turns out to be true, then I would definitely not expect my child to endure verbal abuse.

 

I have been asking questions as we went along.  What was happening at the time?  She actually used the word "lazy"?  etc.  So I feel pretty good that I'm getting the story.

[fraidycat]

Time for her to quit, without notice.

[goldberry]

And I would hope that, if my child was asked why she was such an awful worker, she would answer "I'm not. You're an awful boss. I quit."

 

Yeah, the response that came to me was "Why are you such a verbally abusive employer?"

[fraidycat]

I would first confirm that these are actual, real things being said and not your dd's perception of what is being said. I'm not saying your dd is lying, but sometimes kids - especially kids who have been raised in a "friendly" home - can perceive verbal abuse when it wasn't actually said with an abusive tone or abusive implication.

 

If, however, it turns out to be true, then I would definitely not expect my child to endure verbal abuse.

Yup. Good point. I have one who, when I make a general announcement such as "ok kids, time to put away screens and start bedtime routines" in a normal friendly, but loud enough to break concentration on said screens, tone of voice frequently accuses me of screaming and yelling at them. This one is very fun to parent. :eyeroll:

[chiguirre]

Before she quits, have her tape a couple of the abusive bits. If they try to relatiate or post about her on facebook, she'll have more leverage to get them to go quietly as well.

[goldberry]

Yup. Good point. I have one who, when I make a general announcement such as "ok kids, time to put away screens and start bedtime routines" in a normal friendly, but loud enough to break concentration on said screens, tone of voice frequently accuses me of screaming and yelling at them. This one is very fun to parent. :eyeroll:

 

DD babysat a three year old once, that when DD would say anything firmly, something like, "I said it was time to go inside now.."  3yo would say, "You're scaring me!"  ???

[LarlaB]

What does your DD want to do?

 

I wouldn't encourage my kiddo to work in that kind of environment, but at the same time it is all hearsay… You are relying on her recollection interpretation, as well as her side of the story. Not doubting her or you, just saying it's something to consider.

 

It is shocking to me that any employer would speak to a teenage employee (or any employee) in that manner.

 

To be honest, my first thought was… it Sounds like my MIL and her NPD ideallic gushing and subsequent devaluing cycle. LOL. I realize I'm taking this too far based on the little information you shared, but I have major warning bells when anyone gushes about other people they barely know- in my experience, it rarely ends well. My MIL hires people and praises and idealized them right up until the moment she starts to rip them apart. She's screamed (literally) at more than a few employees, and said horrible things, fired them then hired back... and most of them just take it because if the power differential. She absolutley lacks professional capabilities and has no filter, awareness of self or remembrance of her words/behavior. So, for obvious reasons… I'm somewhat hyper sensitive to those dynamics.

[goldberry]

She wants to quit. She's miserable.  By nature she's a people-pleaser and there is no pleasing here.  I was previously encouraging her to stay until summer is over.  Maybe if it wasn't so constant.  But it seems to be happening every day.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

hell no

 

 

[gardenmom5]

DD got what seemed to be a very nice job for summer.  When she first started there they were gushy sweet to her, because they couldn't seem to get anyone to stay there, needed help, etc.  (This maybe should have been a sign because tons of people are looking for jobs in our area.)    Then things started getting rough.  They were doing the thing of yelling at her for doing something wrong, but that she wasn't trained for.  That happens at jobs I know, but they were really being over the top, actually yelling and mean... they would say, "Why can't you do any of this right?" and when she would ask for specifics they wouldn't have any to give her.  

 

They would throw something back at her and say this isn't done right, and she would ask what the problem was and they would say "figure it out!"  This was in her second week.  Another example, there was something that was supposed to go in a certain location but wouldn't fit in that location, so DD put it in a different area for the moment.  The boss came in, went and grabbed it, said "Put this where it belongs, why are you so lazy?"  

 

Today the morning was going relatively well, no problems.  Then the boss said, "Can I ask you a question?  Why are you such an awful worker?"  What the heck?  These are just some examples, there are more.

 

At first I was encouraging DD to stick it out because it's only for the summer.  I've had crap jobs in my time.  But I don't know that I've had employers be verbally abusive like that.  

 

yeah - to the bolded. sometimes when employers can't keep employees, they should look in a mirror.

 

it sounds like this has crossed the line from obnoxious to abusive.  I'd let her know some things are not things she has to tolerate - and she can gleefully tell him she quits. (don't go into detail about what a pos they are- because it does pay to take the high road.)  know how many hours she's worked since her previous paycheck - and track things to make sure she is paid.  document document document - because she will need that if she needs to contact your state employment dept to force them to pay her.

[Starr]

Getting used to being mistreated isn't healthy. I think I'd leave a note that I was resigning on my way out and not even talk with them. 

Edited July 24, 2017 by Starr

[goldberry]

It's weird to me... the way this person talks is like how an abusive person would talk to their spouse or kids.  I've never worked anywhere someone talked like that in a business environment.  

[Kalypso]

I agree with all the previous posters that say she should quit now.

[klmama]

It's time to quit.

[gardenmom5]

It's a smaller place.  She has already met with the boss once and said she is happy to try to fix whatever they have problems with if they could be more specific and tell her how to fix it.  They just said, well, you should know all this by now.  But again, they can't give examples.  

 

this is a red flag.

 

My child would have walked out. Maybe not after the first incident, giving some grace in case it was an unusually bad day, but as soon as it became a pattern then it's a deal breaker.

 

Job things id put up with (but not like) would be rough language- in general, never directed at my child- as in, "The effing light is burnt out again" opposed to "What the eff is wrong with you, you stupid bleeping bleep?" or non-radio-edit music playing. Having the schedule come out late or last minute changes- annoying but not a deal breaker. But what you described is unacceptable.

 

And I would hope that, if my child was asked why she was such an awful worker, she would answer "I'm not. You're an awful boss. I quit."

 

I would not encourage a child to say this. it just repays negative with negative.  

she could say "I did everything you told me to do for the job, and followed your example."

she'll be long gone before he finishes scratching his head trying to figure out what she just said.

[gardenmom5]

It's weird to me... the way this person talks is like how an abusive person would talk to their spouse or kids.  I've never worked anywhere someone talked like that in a business environment.  

 

lucky you. 

[goldberry]

lucky you. 

 

Yes, I am lucky.  It makes me sad that some people have to stay in horrible job environments to feed their family and pay the bills.

[gardenmom5]

No one should be pushed to tolerate abuse "just till summer is over."  If the employer is using words and language that is unacceptable (and it sounds like he is) then she should not have to tolerate it.  Encouraging her to stay "until summer is over" is akin to encouraging her to accept abuse.  She needs to go.  I am very big on teaching my kids to earn money, pay bills, and all those big reasons for kids to have jobs.  But I would not encourage my DD to stay through the summer if these things are actually being said. 

 

Now, I WOULD be encouraging my kid to stay just until she found something else, but if jobs are not that difficult in your area, that shouldn't take long.  I had DD working through the school year too though so...

 

there is a point even with an abusive job- it's not worth staying.  I'd be concerned about sending a message to a child - especially a daughter - that she had to put up with abuse from SO: until she has skills to support herself, until she has enough money, etc. sometimes, you have to bite the bullet and get out.  I'd want them to know I will be there for them.

[elegantlion]

I agree, she should quit and not give notice. I can't imagine them even being cordial if she gave 2 weeks notice. I would have her write down every incident she can remember, dates too, outline the training she received or did not receive and then file it away for the future. 

 

It's not normal and I've been in that environment. It's not something I would expect anyone to put up with, not sure why I did either. 

[mytwomonkeys]

I couldn't even read past your first post.

 

There is NO WAY my daughter would return to work if someone spoke to her that way. Being reprimanded for slacking off or doing a poor job I can understand. Belittling my daughter and treating her abusively is not okay. Ever. And my husband would give them a talking too!

 

 

My daughter has been babysitting since she was 12. She makes great money and is in charge of her own schedule. Maybe your daughter could find something else where she's able to make money AND enjoy it.

 

Hugs. So sorry this happened.

[fairfarmhand]

NO.

 

This isn't a teen whining.

 

This is outright abusive behavior.That sounds horrible.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Even the worst job(s) I ever had I was not treated like that.  I can take rough around the edges.  I can take having a bad moment.  But this is abusive.  And if she does not direly need the money, be glad there is an out.  I wouldn't even go back there. 

[mamakelly]

No way.

[Liz CA]

You guys are confirming what I was feeling.  At first I said stick it out and DH said go.  But every single day more abuse is spewed.  I've moved on to the "go" camp.  That is more than just a crappy job.

 

And the faster she out of there the faster she may get a new job.

[Harriet Vane]

Quit with no notice.

 

My dd had to walk away from a hostile job once. She worked at a major retailer for a short time. The store manager was lovely. The middle managers were horrible. They were verbally mean and they actually got meaner when dd did really well with her personal sales. Things came to a head one day when dd was working with a fever--not only were they really mean, they would not let her drink water. And they yelled at her for "looking like a zombie" and told her she had to drink some coffee to perk up. She was literally feverish (101) with a cough and significant nasal congestion and watery eyes. She wanted badly to go home but they were adamant that she be there, and then they would not let her drink water!?!

 

The other issue at this retailer was their "on call" policy. The employer would schedule large swaths of "on call" hours in which dd was expected to drop everything and come in if they needed her. She was unable to make plans for these unpaid hours, and they rarely called. They also would send her home if they felt there were not enough customers. Her income ended up being far lower than initially promised, but with a significant portion of her free time tied to "on call."

 

Between the meanness and the ridiculous on call and low pay, it was not worthwhile. On the day she worked a full shift so sick, Dd gave one week's notice so that she could join in on a weekend trip she had originally assumed she could not go to due to the job. They wrote her up as giving no notice at all.

 

Good riddance.

 

Abuse is never acceptable. Don't make your dear daughter stay where they behave so badly.

 

Edited to add: Dd had/has a stellar record at another retailer as well as at a food chain. In fact, the food chain raves about her. The problem was emphatically with the dysfunctional store, not with dd.

Edited July 24, 2017 by Harriet Vane

[Tap]

I would go with her to her next shift. Have her quit, while you are there and in full hearing/seeing range. I would turn on the camera to video and record the verbal part of the interchange if you can discretely.  By having the video going, if they get physically abusive, then you can just flip up the phone and record them.   Have her give them a written letter that just says, I am quitting employment of xyz establishment on xyz date and will not be returning due to verbal abuse. Sign and date. DO NOT discuss it, just give them the letter and leave. 

 

Do NOT let her go in a back office or out of site.  DO not have have her give 2 weeks notice.  

 

I wouldn't even put it on her resume in the future.

[heartlikealion]

Let her go. If she wants to look more professional have her do a two weeks notice. But given the situation I wouldn't even worry about the time frame. I would hate for her to endure that crap.

My question, does she stand up to them? Does she respond? I mean, when they say, "why are you so lazy?" does she explain what happened? Or just give up communication at that point?

 

This is not her fault, but I would try to get her to speak up for herself if she's not already doing it.

 

I have been taken aback by comments in jobs before, but didn't always know how to respond in the moment. I know it must be jarring. I remember being ridiculed for asking for a break. I overheard the manager gripping about people being lazy or impatient to get their break, but little did I know at the time nor did she, that I must be hypoglycemic. Finally I decided that if I didn't get breaks when I should then I would just eat at the register even though it was prohibited. If I got in trouble I would explain that I _had_ to eat and their rule "breaks as business permits" was not going to work for me health-wise.