Children picking their own furniture

[Janeway]

I wanted to buy furniture for my daughter's room that will last. I ended up picking a twin white bed from Pottery Barn Kids, called the Catalina if you wish to look it up. I considered going with the full and a bed that is on sale at PBTeen, but her room is not huge and she has lots of toys and dolls and such.

 

SHE wanted the carriage bed which was about $2K. OR, alternatively, a tree house bed she saw at another store. The tree house bed was not high priced, but I figured it would not last long at all. 

 

When I came home and told her what I ordered for her, she was not happy.  She wants the tree house bed or the carriage bed. I sort of feel rotten that she doesn't like what she got, BUT, I also know what she wants is not reasonable. 

 

What do you think? I have a feeling when it comes, when it is delivered, she is going to cry. I feel like I have no idea how to explain to her that she would have grown out of the other beds. I don't want to get her hung up on what is babyish and not. I am not sure what to say to her about this. I want her to like her new room. We have repainted and are adding a real bed (right now, she has a mattress and box spring on a frame) and a mirror and new bedding and some decorations. I hate that she might cry over the biggest part we bought.

 

 

 

[eternalsummer]

2K is a lot of money for a bed.  Why did you think the tree house bed would not last long - because the construction or materials were sub-par?  If that is the case, just tell her that.

[HomeAgain]

I don't think my kids have freely picked any of their furniture.  The times we did ask, it was between 2 or 3 pieces that were within the budget we set.  This time, we offered bedding/decorations, not actual furniture choice.  The furniture was picked out for him.

 

It's okay if your daughter cries.  Accepting, and learning to live with disappointment is part of life.  Let her be sad, but that doesn't mean fixing her feelings.  She may need to get it out.  Sit down with her when she's ready and ask for her help in coming up with ways to make the room feel more "hers".  A rug?  Wall decals?  A mobile piece?  Paint? 

[amy g.]

When my oldest handed down her bunk bed to her brother, I wanted to buy her a nice bed. She imagined one like from Snow White with scenes from books cared into the headboard. She would not agree to anything I could find or afford, so she just kept her mattress and box springs with no fancy bed.

 

When my dad died, he wanted his brass bed and velvet quilt. She is very happy with that. Next daughter wanted a particular loft bed. I knew she would hate it. I showed her reviews of how disappointed other buyers were. At the same time, my best friend wanted to sell her sleigh bed to buy a smaller one. DD ended up loving it, and has been happy with that instead.

 

My mother decorated our rooms to her own taste. I would not do that to my kids. I want them to have what they want, but I'm also able to say, "Whoa, that is way out of my price range. Let's keep looking until we find something that works for both of us."

 

I think this teaches problem solving skills much better than just saying my house/my choice.

[Guest]

I'd never let them pick outside of a pre-specified price range. And I'm a mean mom, apparently, because I tell them flat out when we cannot afford something or I don't believe it is a good choice. If it were my daughter I'd tell her those beds cost more and can be used far less time, they're not a choice available to us for this. And if there are waterworks I'd shrug and let it happen. I understand being disappointed when we can't get what we want! That doesn't mean I have a duty, as a parent, to prevent all that disappointment from happening.

[prairiewindmomma]

I tend to give my kids a choice A or choice B decision on big ticket items like that. Having broad open discussions over items like that with my kids sets them up to be demanding or disappointed. I only have those types of conversations if I am truly ok with whatever they might choose.

[amy g.]

For me, it isn't about preventing all disappointment. It is about respect.

 

One option is just to say, "I'm buying what I like."

 

I think it is different to say, "I'm buying you a present. I know you told me that it isn't what you want, but I'm getting it anyway. I hope you put on a happy face when you receive it."

 

I would not buy either the treehouse bed or the carriage bed. I'd let her do without until you find one in your price range that you both like.

 

It is more work and takes longer, but I think that it builds a much stronger relationship later.

 

Of course there are kids who could care less about their furniture. By all means, get those kids what you like best, but it doesn't sound like your daughter is in that category.

[Artichoke]

For me, it isn't about preventing all disappointment. It is about respect.

 

One option is just to say, "I'm buying what I like."

 

I think it is different to say, "I'm buying you a present. I know you told me that it isn't what you want, but I'm getting it anyway. I hope you put on a happy face when you receive it."

 

I would not buy either the treehouse bed or the carriage bed. I'd let her do without until you find one in your price range that you both like.

 

It is more work and takes longer, but I think that it builds a much stronger relationship later.

 

Of course there are kids who could care less about their furniture. By all means, get those kids what you like best, but it doesn't sound like your daughter is in that category.

 

The bolded is what I'd do. I'd not purchase a bed that she absolutely doesn't want.  Learning to compromise within a budget is a great life skill.   It's also good for us parents to listen and to learn to compromise with our teens when we can.  It builds relationship.   

Edited July 23, 2017 by Artichoke

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

My kids get some say, but only within our admittedly small budget. I've never spent that on a child's bed even when I had a good income.

 

We found other ways to make their bedrooms fun.

[emzhengjiu]

No comments / attacks directed toward anyone.  Please stay on topic.

[amy g.]

The bolded is what I'd do. I'd not purchase a bed that she absolutely doesn't want. Learning to compromise within a budget is a great life skill. It's also good for us parents to listen and to learn to compromise with our teens when we can. It builds relationship.

We got an insurance settlement and one of the things that my Dh wanted to do with it was buy Ds a used car that would be dependable and last until he is established enough in his career to buy his own.

 

He set a budget of $10,000 and stipulated, "I'm not buying you a coffin." So no V8 engines, no Jeeps or anything else with a low safety rating.

 

O.M.G.

 

It took forever.

 

They could not agree.

 

Ds kept sending links to very old, very cool project cars. Dh wasn't buying a project.

 

Dh kept threatening to buy what HE wanted to buy and just park it in the driveway and Ds better be grateful.

 

I told him if he did that, he had better know that he was doing it against my will. I told him that I really wanted to set an example of how to come to agreement with people.

 

So this went on and on.

 

Then we found a guy who would use his pass to get them into a car auction for dealers.

 

They found a V6 late model mustang that had been repossessed. Ds reluctantly agreed to it.

 

There was still $ in the budget to get the windows tinted and get it painted and have a couple of dings repaired.

 

Well, Ds LOVES that car.

 

When he had the chance to do some modifications on it, he didn't because he said that he is afraid of messing it up when it runs so well.

 

Now, years later, Ds has matured, and he is very grateful for the head start this car gave him. It has really strengthened his relationship with Dh, even though the process was stressful.

 

We didn't buy him something he didn't like. We didn't buy him something out of our price range or that didn't meet our other criteria.

 

We just modeled win/win or no deal. I think it is worth the extra effort.

Edited July 23, 2017 by amy g.

[Rachel]

I would buy the bed you can afford and think is appropriate for her. A treehouse bed is very neat, but what about when she's 16?

 

I've given my kids choices between a couple pieces of furniture but I've never given them full say. I definitely wouldn't spend $2k on a bed for my child unless they had a medical need for a special bed.

[Wheres Toto]

I've never asked my kids what they wanted as far as furniture.  Mostly it's been what we've had on hand or what would fit in the room.   We let them pick their bedding, decorations, how to arrange it, etc.   If I wanted to give them a chance to pick, I'd only show them those that I was already willing to buy.

 

But, we also bought dd's car based on what was available used at the time.  We picked based on reliability, being cleared by our mechanic, and price.  She was quite happy with it considering she didn't think she'd get a car at all.

[itsheresomewhere]

Suggestion for Christmas or her birthday whichever comes first, a bed tent might be a neat gift and give her that tree house/private space feel.

[Peaceseeker]

We are dreaming about our rooms right now and each kid has a pinterest board full of ideas. My daughter is like yours- she picks dramatic expensive beds that have iron wrought tree branches, etc...for 2K. So I show her the price and she, being natural frugal, says that won't work. Then we look for other ideas. I try to find what she likes about a bed and then find something in our price point. I would do the same thing if she wasn't frugal, telling her here is the budget so let's find something together that works.

 

It is her room and I want her to love it. But I am not buying a 2k bed. Ultimately what she loves is drama and originality. We can incorporate that in other areas of her room and have a simpler bed. Right now we are renovating an old family farmhouse and she is planning a project bed with her dad, making it out of an old door from the house.

 

So I would just talk to your daughter and see what it is she is looking for and help her achieve it in another way. Sounds like she wants some drama and interest. Find another way to achieve it more economically. You could make a fairy canopy with tulle and greenery and fairy lights that hangs above the bed. You could paint an awesome tree mural behind the bed or somewhere else. You could create a nook with some kind of funky chair or seating. She could get excited over a color scheme or new bedding. She needs to find a way to make the room hers and express herself (while incorporating the very nice, practical bed her mom picked out). Sounds like it is time to get your DIY and pinterest on!

Edited July 24, 2017 by CaliforniaDreaming

[amy g.]

I've never asked my kids what they wanted as far as furniture. Mostly it's been what we've had on hand or what would fit in the room. We let them pick their bedding, decorations, how to arrange it, etc. If I wanted to give them a chance to pick, I'd only show them those that I was already willing to buy.

 

But, we also bought dd's car based on what was available used at the time. We picked based on reliability, being cleared by our mechanic, and price. She was quite happy with it considering she didn't think she'd get a car at all.

Yeah, my other kids who were particular about their beds were happy with any car. My son who was particular about his car slept in the tiny bunk bed until he moved out. He kept saying, "This is fine. Don't buy me a new bed."

 

It is okay with me for kids to be different and it is okay for them to have preferences.

[Guest]

Suggestion for Christmas or her birthday whichever comes first, a bed tent might be a neat gift and give her that tree house/private space feel.

That's a great idea! Vinyl decals are another way something can be personalized less expensively. I really make furniture more timeless and utilitarian pretty than dramatic, but the kids can still find ways to make it their own. Even a cork board over the bed for personal bling goes a long way around here :)

[bolt.]

I usually present my kids with a variety of options that I'm ok with, and we collaborate.

 

Both of your "no" beds would also be a "no" for me. I'd have said it bluntly and kept walking/browsing, not given her the impression that I would consider impractical or outlandish ideas. Perhaps something like, "I'm not buying that. Do you want to keep looking for s bed we can both agree on?"

 

My kids wouldn't expect me to agree to buy a large item that I didn't like, because when we buy other things (clothes, presents, school supplies) I don't buy things I don't like. They are used to the 'both agree' model of decision making for this sort of thing.

[gingersmom]

I think I spent about $2000 on my daughters bed. I bought it when she was 5 and she is about to turn 21.

 

It's a full size. It was beautiful when we bought it and we love it just as much today. It's from Ethan Allen.

 

When she moves out I am fairly certain she will take it with her.

 

I personally would not spend so much on furniture with a kids theme that they will outgrow/get bored with.

[lllll]

nm

Edited July 25, 2017 by tentwelve

[MotherGoose]

 

I think I spent about $2000 on my daughters bed. I bought it when she was 5 and she is about to turn 21.

 

It's a full size. It was beautiful when we bought it and we love it just as much today. It's from Ethan Allen.

 

When she moves out I am fairly certain she will take it with her.

 

I personally would not spend so much on furniture with a kids theme that they will outgrow/get bored with.

 

I agree with this. If you can afford it, and chIld is willing, buy an expensive bed that will be beautiful in 40 years. If you can't afford it or child wants something you know, because you are the adult in the picture and have life experience and a checkbook, then just say no. Maybe child can find a cheap used alternative. Maybe child needs to make do with what is in your price range.

[Julie Smith]

In your shoes I would cancel the order, and start over.

 

I would also offer cheaper options, with the option of doing other stuff with the money. My boys have chosen to never spend money on stuff for their rooms. (Unless you include du tape, and teddies). Instead of a nicely decorated room they have futon mattresses on the floor, and dressers, mirrors, ... that they have scrounged for free on large pick up days.

[Janeway]

Her current bed is just a mattress on a box spring with metal frame. They were handmedowns from someone whose children are grown. The metal has been marking the wall. We let her pick the paint and the bedding and all. She also has vinyl stick ons that she picked. BUT, as for the bed, it is just a wood frame with a headboard and a footboard. I have a coupon so it was 15% off and it was already on sale so it was 15% off the sale price. And it is platform bed so no need for the box anymore. The final price was less than $300 after taxes and all. The beautiful canopy bed was beautiful, but it was 2K. The tree house bed was really for a young child and she would grow out of it but it was a little less than $500. 

[bettyandbob]

When my DD19 got her bed, she didn't know until I got home from Ikea and asked dh to help unload the car. She was 3 or 4. She still sleeps in that bed- a white metal frame twin size day bed. It has aged quite well. For Christmas one year she got a "canopy" that hung from the ceiling over the bed. It was purple mesh with ribbons. She could pretend it was a tent. I was sad when she decided after years of use she wanted an updated look. It was a very inexpensive way to give a little girl a pretend look to get room and easy to change out for her teen years.

 

Each of my kids got durable beds and had no choice in what they got. They each liked their beds. The easiest thing to do is to not offer choices on big items like this. Figure out what will last and get that. My youngest's was purchased used -- I knew exactly what I wanted and just watched Craigslist.

Edited July 24, 2017 by Diana P.

[Crimson Wife]

I had limited input on the furniture in my room growing up. I do remember being allowed to choose a daybed style rather than a traditional headboard-frame-footboard. But my parents chose the set they liked best that was within their budget.

 

Bedding and other accessories (mirror, curtains, throw rug, etc.) were the way that I got to express my decorating taste.

 

My IL's picked my girls' beds (originally bunked) and my dad picked my DS' bed because those were gifts.

[Alessandra]

We are dreaming about our rooms right now and each kid has a pinterest board full of ideas. My daughter is like yours- she picks dramatic expensive beds that have iron wrought tree branches, etc...for 2K. So I show her the price and she, being natural frugal, says that won't work. Then we look for other ideas. I try to find what she likes about a bed and then find something in our price point. I would do the same thing if she wasn't frugal, telling her here is the budget so let's find something together that works.

 

It is her room and I want her to love it. But I am not buying a 2k bed. Ultimately what she loves is drama and originality. We can incorporate that in other areas of her room and have a simpler bed. Right now we are renovating an old family farmhouse and she is planning a project bed with her dad, making it out of an old door from the house.

 

So I would just talk to your daughter and see what it is she is looking for and help her achieve it in another way. Sounds like she wants some drama and interest. Find another way to achieve it more economically. You could make a fairy canopy with tulle and greenery and fairy lights that hangs above the bed. You could paint an awesome tree mural behind the bed or somewhere else. You could create a nook with some kind of funky chair or seating. She could get excited over a color scheme or new bedding. She needs to find a way to make the room hers and express herself (while incorporating the very nice, practical bed her mom picked out). Sounds like it is time to get your DIY and pinterest on!

I love your ides. If you have any links to a canopy, I'd love to see them. Ds loves canopy beds when we see them in movies, but her room would be overwhelmed by one. Do you hang the canopy from the ceiling or what? Iirc, (IKEA has some simple bed ideas, but I have never got around to trying any of them.)

 

For our family, I generally find something I like and then ask kids what they think. We searched a long time for a new tug for dd. Finally found a handmade needlepoint rug, perfect size, perfect colors, perfect condition, in an auction gallery we both like. I took dd to see it, she approved. No one else bid, and we got it for $100! Sometimes items may get away from us, and I think it is good for dd to learn that you can let things go -- it's likely that a similar item will turn up in the future.

 

We both love antique galleries, auction houses, discount fabric stores, and so on. Dd's room has pretty china plates and boxes, a 19th century oil painting, a mahogany desk with pigeonholes. We really did not pay much for anything. If dd does not like my ideas, we move on. If I don't like her ideas, I explain why. There may be some logical back and forth, but I cannot remember an argument (well, not about furniture, lol). But I think pp's Ethan Allen bed sounds lovely.

 

OP, I agree with the poster who suggested you cancel the order. Your dd may decide she hates the bed just because she was not part of the decision process. If you have time, you could start shopping together -- not just online, but in antique stores, etc. eBay has some *great* deals on big items that have to be picked up.

 

ETA

 

Here is an axample -- an Ethan Allen full size French country sleigh bed, $125, in Florida. I didn't search a lot with your parameters, as PB searches came up with bed linens as well as furniture. But wanted to give you an idea.

 

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Ethan-Allen-French-Country-Sleigh-Bed-Full-size-Head-Foot-Rails-/391838684985?hash=item5b3b67d739:g:GmEAAOSwJ4hY~598

Edited July 24, 2017 by Alessandra

[medawyn]

I cried when twin brass beds were delivered to my room. I was three. Now they are in my sons' room, and those beds might be one of my favorite things we own. I hope grand babies sleep in them one day ðŸ˜

 

That being said, depending on the child's age, I might let him or her select furniture within reason (budget, quality, etc). I would probably be more inclined to let the child pick paint or bedding be those are easily changeable as they age.

 

I say this as someone whose oldest kid is 4 and no little people in this house care about their furniture yet, unless they can get away with jumping on it.

[dancingmama]

My children have never had the privilege of picking out there own beds. They know that's not an expense we can afford. Both have hand me down frames. We have decorated in other ways. My daughter painted her own room and picked out her own bed spread during a Black Friday sale. We have always been upfront as to what we can afford and what we are willing and able to spend our money on.

[matrips]

We've always purchased the furniture, much of it used. They were allowed to pick out their comforter and sheet set. Plus a few miscellaneous decorations. They were always thrilled with whatever they had. Mine are 12.5yo

[Peaceseeker]

There are a lot of options for canopies, both DIY and store bought versions. Some are very cute little girl options, but some could be great for teens and even grown ups who like a little whimsy. You can hang them behind the bed on a wall or most often from the ceiling. You could use old sheer drapes or tulle. I don't usually link but I will try- this one is simple:

http://pinterest.com/pin/459226493227987155/?source_app=android

 

This shows an interesting way to use a hanging basket to create one:

http://pinterest.com/pin/11610911509780248/?source_app=android

 

You can also trail ivy in it for some greenery if they are into that boho look.

Edited July 24, 2017 by CaliforniaDreaming

[KungFuPanda]

"Babe, this bed will be here as long as you are. You won't want a carriage bed in high school." Then let her choose the bedding and tune out any further protests.

[Alessandra]

There are a lot of options for canopies, both DIY and store bought versions. Some are very cute little girl options, but some could be great for teens and even grown ups who like a little whimsy. You can hang them behind the bed on a wall or most often from the ceiling. You could use old sheer drapes or tulle. I don't usually link but I will try- this one is simple:

http://pinterest.com/pin/459226493227987155/?source_app=android

 

This shows an interesting way to use a hanging basket to create one:

http://pinterest.com/pin/11610911509780248/?source_app=android

 

You can also trail ivy in it for some greenery if they are into that boho look.

On, thank you! I especially like the simple tulle canopies. I had not even thought of lights in a canopy -- I like fewer rather than more. I think I even have a string of IKEA lights in flower shapes packed away somewhere. I'll have to reasearch boho look too.

 

Thx. :-)

[alisoncooks]

My children have never had the privilege of picking out there own beds. They know that's not an expense we can afford. Both have hand me down frames. We have decorated in other ways. My daughter painted her own room and picked out her own bed spread during a Black Friday sale. We have always been upfront as to what we can afford and what we are willing and able to spend our money on.

Same here.

Oldest DD has a captain's bed that I bought from a thrift store my freshman year of college...20+ years ago (it still looks great, btw). Youngest DD has a bunk bed that we bought off of craigslist. (Now, this was several years ago, before I knew to be afraid of bedbugs and used furniture...but again, it's been perfectly fine.)

 

Give her a price range and tell her to find a suitable bed in it.

[regentrude]

I never had any input in the furniture of my room growing up, because there were no choices. Shrug. 

I did not give my kids input in what bed they got. When they were little, we purchased simple pine beds that are timeless, cannot be outgrown, and go with everything. Period. 

She will get over it. Kids do not need to have a say in everything. Sometimes, parents just make a choice and that's it.

My kids can arrange their furniture the way they want, and they picked the colors they wanted to paint their rooms. I don't "decorate" for them.

Edited July 24, 2017 by regentrude

[Mergath]

When we bought dd a new bed, I told her how much we could afford and let her pick out what she wanted. $2k is insane, though. Honestly, if my dd thought it was reasonable to demand a bed like that, we'd be having some serious discussions about finances and common sense.

[Janeway]

When we bought dd a new bed, I told her how much we could afford and let her pick out what she wanted. $2k is insane, though. Honestly, if my dd thought it was reasonable to demand a bed like that, we'd be having some serious discussions about finances and common sense.

My daughter isn't in kindergarten yet. I doubt she gets what a thousand means, or a thousand dollars.

[heartlikealion]

How did she know about the other styles? Did she look over your shoulder at a computer or go to a store with you or something?

I guess I would have tried to shield her from the other options if they were not on the table. No pun intended with the furniture reference.

 

Oh well, hopefully you can distract her from the bed with other things. Maybe let her pick some new bedding? :)

[heartlikealion]

Her current bed is just a mattress on a box spring with metal frame. They were handmedowns from someone whose children are grown. The metal has been marking the wall. We let her pick the paint and the bedding and all. She also has vinyl stick ons that she picked. BUT, as for the bed, it is just a wood frame with a headboard and a footboard. I have a coupon so it was 15% off and it was already on sale so it was 15% off the sale price. And it is platform bed so no need for the box anymore. The final price was less than $300 after taxes and all. The beautiful canopy bed was beautiful, but it was 2K. The tree house bed was really for a young child and she would grow out of it but it was a little less than $500. 

 

Ah she already picked out bedding and stuff. Maybe she will perk up once she sees it all on the new bed.

 

I don't know if you can easily talk about finances with a child that young, but maybe "we don't have enough money for that" or something would get the message across. Or a comment on the construction. "It might break and we don't want that."

 

[Mergath]

My daughter isn't in kindergarten yet. I doubt she gets what a thousand means, or a thousand dollars.

Ah. If she's so young, why are you worried about her being upset that she can't have a $2k bed? Kids that age always want silly things. I'm pretty sure my daughter cried at that age because she couldn't be a cat. ;) That doesn't mean I was going to take her to the doctor and have them graft on a tail, though.

[Audrey]

I could get a really nice whole bedroom from IKEA for $2K.  I couldn't justify spending that on one bed.  That just wouldn't jive with my budget realities.  YMMV of course.

[Mergath]

I could get a really nice whole bedroom from IKEA for $2K. I couldn't justify spending that on one bed. That just wouldn't jive with my budget realities. YMMV of course.

We got a gorgeous solid pine queen bedroom set used from a local seller for under $200. The guy even delivered it. Headboard, footboard, bed frame, dresser, and nightstand.

 

Janeway, have you considered looking around for a used bed that's closer to what your dd wants? You could probably get it for a fraction of the price if you looked on eBay or something.

[kiwik]

I am 48 and as yet have not chosen the paint colour for a room. Curtains from a limited selection on sale yes and second hand furniture. It would perhaps be better if you didn't ask in future. Eta. For the past 7 years I have been able to choose just not had the time or the money.

Edited July 24, 2017 by kiwik

[IsabelC]

She wants you to spend $2K on a bed?!  I freaked out when we spent half that on a bed for my son, and that was only because he is 6 feet tall and needed a longer bed (all his previous beds had been either free or $30 secondhand). Could you give her a budget and let her select something within that? Or pick out 3-4 options you like and offer her the final choice? It's nice to allow choices, so that kids can personalize their space to their own taste (all of our kids have their walls painted in colors they selected), but you shouldn't feel obligated to give her carte blanche.

 

Edited July 24, 2017 by IsabelC

[kiwik]

She wants you to spend $2K on a bed?! I freaked out when we spent half that on a bed for my son, and that was only because he is 6 feet tall and needed a longer bed (all his previous beds had been either free or $30 secondhand). Could you give her a budget and let her select something within that? Or pick out 3-4 options you like and offer her the final choice? It's nice to allow choices, so that kids can personalize their space to their own taste (all of our kids have their walls painted in colors they selected), but you shouldn't feel obligated to give her carte blanche.

Sounds like she is too young to really understand money.

[gardenmom5]

I think it'd have given her a reality check in what my budget was - and that what she want's is over budget.

 

[gardenmom5]

We got a gorgeous solid pine queen bedroom set used from a local seller for under $200. The guy even delivered it. Headboard, footboard, bed frame, dresser, and nightstand.

 

Janeway, have you considered looking around for a used bed that's closer to what your dd wants? You could probably get it for a fraction of the price if you looked on eBay or something.

 

around here - craigslist.  in other areas there are other online classifieds for used goods.

 

or even "used/estate" furniture stores.  you can get some fabulous deals. . .

[gardenmom5]

is this what she wants?

 

https://www.potterybarnkids.com/products/blythe-carriage-bed/?catalogId=97&sku=9301388&srccode=cii_328768002&cpncode=42-27842263-2&bnrid=3580301&cm_ven=MSN_PLA&cm_cat=Shopping&cm_pla=Home+page&cm_ite=Datafeed&kwid=bingproductads-adid^73255008062724-device^c-plaid^4576854589960621-sku^9301388@ADL10BMC-adType^PLA

 

that's absurd.  unless the room is huge - it will take up the entire space. no way.

I saw a cinderella's carriage metal frame bed for 1/10 th of that -

[Alessandra]

is this what she wants?

 

https://www.potterybarnkids.com/products/blythe-carriage-bed/?catalogId=97&sku=9301388&srccode=cii_328768002&cpncode=42-27842263-2&bnrid=3580301&cm_ven=MSN_PLA&cm_cat=Shopping&cm_pla=Home+page&cm_ite=Datafeed&kwid=bingproductads-adid^73255008062724-device^c-plaid^4576854589960621-sku^9301388@ADL10BMC-adType^PLA

 

that's absurd. unless the room is huge - it will take up the entire space. no way.

I saw a cinderella's carriage metal frame bed for 1/10 th of that -

I have no way of telling if that's the bed op was talking about, but whaaat? It looks as though there would be no room for storage under the bed -- also difficult to vacuum underneat Edited July 24, 2017 by Alessandra

[barnwife]

At least she's been able to have some choice in what goes in the room. When my sister and I shared a room, my mom decided we need new curtains and bedding. So she picked some out. Which on the one hand is fine. Except...I hated it. It was/is (it's still in their guest room) so not me. I cringe every time I sleep there. It still bothers me that she didn't even ask us what we thought. Especially because it counted as one part of a birthday gift for me! Nothing says happy birthday like "here are some sheets, curtains, and a comforter that you think are hideous!" (To be fair, I knew better than to tell my parents that. It was quite clear that my mom loved/loves the set.)

I do not think I know anyone who'd let their children completely pick furniture. I mean, parents I know would listen to likes and dislikes. But giving them free range on choice is just not something I am familiar with.

I'd buy what fits the parameters you have (budget, space, etc...) and help her deal with disappointment if there is any. If she mentions other options, "no" is a complete sentence, but you could research more ways to make it more like her dream bed. The canopy idea is great!

 

[elegantlion]

Ds picked out his bed when he was 4, but it was in our budget (less than $400) and we had just moved and he was upgrading from an old daybed. He used the bed for about 10 years. At 5, I would sit down with the picture and ask what she likes about the bed, do you like the color, the size, if it is the one pictured above, then I'd ask what she thought might be fun about having a bed like that. Try to picture it from her perspective and then see where you can find a compromise, not necessarily on the bed itself, but on some aspect of why she likes it. She's not too young to have some ownership in the process, even if it's just picking out the bedding color. 

 

Would I spend 2k on a bed even if it were in our budget? No.