"You can't take your feet off" and other nuggets of parental wisdom

[RegGuheert]

Do you have oft-used phrases that your children will remember until their dying days?  Not things you say once or twice, but that are repeated over and over and over again?  These are sayings that Benjamin Franklin was WAY to clever to have ever uttered.  To qualify for this thread, your sayings need to evoke at least one of the following from your DC: "MOM!", "DAD!", "REALLY?", :rolleyes:,  :angry: ,  :boxing_smiley: , :banghead: , or perhaps  :blushing:  when you say it in front of their friends.  And please be honest and let us know if these sayings are ones your parents used that you swore you would never utter to your own children.

 

I figure that we can all benefit by having our "parenting repertoire" expanded by some of the best and the brightest around! :001_cool:

 

So here are Reg's contributions to this noble cause:

 

- "You can't take your feet off." - This phrase provides the primary motivation for wearing footwear outdoors even if you are comfortable going barefoot.  DD15 loves to walk outside in the mud in bare feet and then stroll into the house leaving size-7 red-clay footprints all over the white linoleum and hardwood floors.

 

- "Don't hold the milk hostage." - This is Reg's go-to phrase when a container of food fails to get passed by one of our DC.

 

So here is my plea to you:  "Give me your tired, your poor, your hackneyed phrases yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming lore."

Edited July 22, 2017 by RegGuheert

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

"Don't worry, mom"

"It's my job to worry." (my kids hear this one at least once a day)

 

"So-and-so has such-and-such!"

"Yeah, too bad your mom isn't that nice."  (probably hear this one at least weekly...)

 

 

[BarbecueMom]

"Do we need to cut it off and replace it with a water bottle?" Said any time a child mildly injures himself. DS9 bent a finger back awkwardly at camp yesterday. When I picked him up, he said, "Mom, I hurt my finger... please don't say it! Just don't say it!" I'm sure everyone around thought I was going to scold him, not dangle his Contigo bottle in his face until he did that irritated giggle thing.

[Slache]

"Don't be the jaguar's lunch." Don't fall behind the last adult, courtesy of our friends who live in a Brazilian jungle.

[Arctic Bunny]

"Do we need to cut it off and replace it with a water bottle?" Said any time a child mildly injures himself. DS9 bent a finger back awkwardly at camp yesterday. When I picked him up, he said, "Mom, I hurt my finger... please don't say it! Just don't say it!" I'm sure everyone around thought I was going to scold him, not dangle his Contigo bottle in his face until he did that irritated giggle thing.

And at our house: "Aw, do we need to amputate?"

[historically accurate]

"Do we need to cut it off and replace it with a water bottle?" Said any time a child mildly injures himself. DS9 bent a finger back awkwardly at camp yesterday. When I picked him up, he said, "Mom, I hurt my finger... please don't say it! Just don't say it!" I'm sure everyone around thought I was going to scold him, not dangle his Contigo bottle in his face until he did that irritated giggle thing.

Here that earns a "I don't have time to go to the finger/arm/leg store today."

[RegGuheert]

"Do we need to cut it off and replace it with a water bottle?" Said any time a child mildly injures himself. DS9 bent a finger back awkwardly at camp yesterday. When I picked him up, he said, "Mom, I hurt my finger... please don't say it! Just don't say it!" I'm sure everyone around thought I was going to scold him, not dangle his Contigo bottle in his face until he did that irritated giggle thing.

A good friend used to say this to his children:  "Hold your thumb out.  When I smash it with this hammer, you will no longer feel pain in your (whatever)!"

[happypamama]

I don't have time to go to the ER today.

 

Don't _____ (insert verb of your choice) to your brother (pick a brother, any brother; we have a collection). (15yo, the only DD thus far, has a list of things she never thought she'd say before she had all these little brothers.)

 

You'd be hot too if you were just in the oven. (My Mom used to say this.)

 

It'll be better before you get married. (My Mom always said this one too. Whenever she's around, my kids always say to her, "You sound like Mommy!" Well, duh, where do you think I learned it?)

[forty-two]

Don't air condition/heat the outdoors!

=> when the air/heat is on, don't leave the door open when going in or out (and don't just stand in the doorway with it open - in or out).

 

Kid: I don't waaaant to! Or, it's not fuuuun!

What you want is just *one* thing, not *the* thing. (Ditto for having fun.)

=> it's my attempt to put "having fun" and "doing what you want" into their proper place - not entirely beside the point, but not ipso facto a reason to not do something. (It's my alternative to "I don't *care* whether you want to - you are doing it anyway," which I don't agree with but found slipping out of my mouth too many times when my kids refused to do something on the grounds of not wanting to, clearly considering that an unassailable argument :rolleyes:)

[forty-two]

And at our house: "Aw, do we need to amputate?"

Dh says the same thing!

[Calm37]

My oldest had a phase that, when I would apologize to her, she would say, "You has to be no sorry, Mommy." I have continued to say that, though I wish I would stop. But it was fun when she apologized in Messenger from Ireland yesterday and I got to send that back. She's 29....

[happypamama]

I say, "We aren't heating/cooling the outside" a lot too.

 

And also, "I didn't ask if you wanted to; I just told you to do it."

[forty-two]

Another from dh:

 

What's for dinner?

Fried ice and pickled eel's feet

Aka, two impossible things (that also sound bad, so there was a lot of "ew, I don't want that!" before the kids caught on.)

[fraidycat]

I say, "We aren't heating/cooling the outside" a lot too.

 

And also, "I didn't ask if you wanted to; I just told you to do it."

This is a very common phrase around here.

 

Along with it's variants:

 

"The world does not revolve around you and your wants."

 

"I don't want to grocery shop or cook - ever! Shall I only do it when I want to?"

 

And for schoolwork:

 

"This is your ticket OUT of my house and my rules. You need it for college/employment/to make money."

Edited July 22, 2017 by fraidycat

[Liz CA]

A friend of ours: "You've had enough chips. The rest tastes the same."

[Night Elf]

The only one that comes to mind that I still say even to my adult children, Were You Raised in a Barn? That covers so much. I've even said it when they spilled a drink. I don't remember where I picked that up. My parents never said that.

[Liz CA]

The only one that comes to mind that I still say even to my adult children, Were You Raised in a Barn? That covers so much. I've even said it when they spilled a drink. I don't remember where I picked that up. My parents never said that.

 

Hah! This reminded me of my mother saying: "Where you raised in a tent?" This usually referred to someone not closing the door on the way out. Evidently tent flaps fall down by themselves. :)

[nixpix5]

"Don't be the jaguar's lunch." Don't fall behind the last adult, courtesy of our friends who live in a Brazilian jungle.

Oh yeah...I am using this one!

[Guest]

Here that earns a "I don't have time to go to the finger/arm/leg store today."

Similarly, I say, "Be careful. I do not have time to go to the Emergency Room today."

 

But I don't use many hackneyed remarks.

[Guest]

Another from dh:

 

What's for dinner?

Fried ice and pickled eel's feet

Aka, two impossible things (that also sound bad, so there was a lot of "ew, I don't want that!" before the kids caught on.)

I need to use this, to shut down the ubiquitous and annoying question.

[Guest]

"Don't be the jaguar's lunch." Don't fall behind the last adult, courtesy of our friends who live in a Brazilian jungle.

That's awesome. I need to use that when hiking. Except maybe I'll substitue Black Bears just for plausibility reasons.

[happypamama]

Also, I have said this one a few times (to each pair of brothers as the next one is potty-trained): Double toilet is not a thing.  Even if it seems like a good idea to save time, it's just not a thing.

 

We live near a barn, not in a barn.

[RegGuheert]

I forgot to include the one which universally drives my children completely bonkers:

 

- "Back when Mommy was a little girl..." - This is my version of "Back in the olden days..."  Always gets a rise out of them! :lol:  (For those who don't get it: I'm the Dad, not the Mommy.)

[Spryte]

DH picked this one up from my dad: "Oops, stepped on a frog." That's for an accidental, unexpected, errrrrr, toot. It can be said by the stepper or anyone within hearing distance, so if the kids accidentally let one out, DH says it every time.

[Arctic Bunny]

Also, I have said this one a few times (to each pair of brothers as the next one is potty-trained): Double toilet is not a thing. Even if it seems like a good idea to save time, it's just not a thing.

 

We live near a barn, not in a barn.

So funny, and so true...

[dirty ethel rackham]

I don't have time to go to the ER today.

 

Don't _____ (insert verb of your choice) to your brother (pick a brother, any brother; we have a collection). (15yo, the only DD thus far, has a list of things she never thought she'd say before she had all these little brothers.)

 

You'd be hot too if you were just in the oven. (My Mom used to say this.)

 

It'll be better before you get married. (My Mom always said this one too. Whenever she's around, my kids always say to her, "You sound like Mommy!" Well, duh, where do you think I learned it?)

"I know we live close to the hospital, but it is just not on my agenda today.!" (Usually said to dd when climbing trees.)

 

A few more ...

 

"I'm Mom. Nice to meet you, Bored." (In response to "I'm bored.")

 

"Hustle buns! I'd want to get there, like, today."

 

"You have this rectangular device in your hand that answers by the name of "Google" (or Siri.)" In response to questions that I would have no way of k owing the answer.

 

 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

[RegGuheert]

DH picked this one up from my dad: "Oops, stepped on a frog." That's for an accidental, unexpected, errrrrr, toot. It can be said by the stepper or anyone within hearing distance, so if the kids accidentally let one out, DH says it every time.

From my days at USAFA: "Air Force!"

 

[Arctic Bunny]

DH picked this one up from my dad: "Oops, stepped on a frog." That's for an accidental, unexpected, errrrrr, toot. It can be said by the stepper or anyone within hearing distance, so if the kids accidentally let one out, DH says it every time.

From my DH:

"Stepped on a duck" and "That must have been an African barking spider".

[nixpix5]

Oh my goodness I am laughing so hard at some of these!

 

When kids get hurt we often say "it's only a flesh wound" in our best Monty Python British accent.

 

When they space out "is NASA paying you for that time in space"

 

If one is crying loudly or dramatically over something I will pick up my phone and say "is this 911 worthy?" (Which usually makes them laugh)

 

We are a jesting, light hearted family in general so we have many of these. My older sons use so many of our family sayings. When oldest was 3 yo he would refer to a group of things as a "whole chow" so we still use this. "Wow! You have a whole chow of legos" it always cracks me up.

 

On the flip side, the family I grew up in used them to an innapropriate level. My mom had some epic ones...

 

If I was sitting on the table "table are for glasses not asses"

 

If I said I wanted something in a whiny voice she would say "wish in one hand and sh*# in the other and see which one gets the fullest"

 

If I didn't like a rule or got an attitude she would say "don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya"

 

Oh yeah...I grew up in a "classy" home lol.

[rose]

Whenever we asked my Dad how to do x, y or z he would say, "pretty good." I usually say "pretty well" but it doesn't have the same ring because it's not authentic. I just can't bring myself to repeat his horrendous grammar.

 

When we would ask my mom what was for dinner she usually said, "a knuckle sandwich." My usual response to this question is "food" which is then followed by "what kind-of food" to which I respond, "good food."

 

One I inherited from my parents in response to a request for the time: "Time to get a watch."

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

When the kids get hurt:  "Get the hack saw"  (to cut it off).  This was always met by giggles and stopped the wailing that was going on up until that point. 

 

 

[RegGuheert]

A couple of years ago MomsintheGarden latched onto a phrase that Gru used in "Despicable Me": "Back to work! Back to work!" The kids LOVE that! ;)

[scholastica]

"I have to be mean. It's part of my job. It's in the Mommy Contract."

[SarahW]

"You'd make a better door than a window" - said when someone is standing in front of the television, blocking the view.

[historically accurate]

Half past a freckle & quarter past a hair is the standard response to "What time is it"

[Rebel Yell]

"I am not your pack mule" whenever they ask me to carry something. Which they never do anymore. It really works!

 

(NEVER would I say this to anyone with life-threatening allergies)

"Just eat it. It won't kill you, and if it does, I'll never make you eat it again."

 

And its newer version for young adults: "As long as we're paying for your health insurance, you WILL eat vegetables."

 

"Bring a jacket (or sunscreen, snack, extra money, etc.) You don't have to use it, you can leave it in the car, but I am NOT going to buy you a jacket (etc.) if you decide you're cold later."

Edited July 22, 2017 by Rebel Yell

[2_girls_mommy]

Apparantly my great grandmother would always tell the car full of moody tween and teen girl cousins before they went anywhere to cut off the fighting or grumbling, "We are going to have fun if it kills us," which my mother said constantly to her van full of moody daughters which I now say to my van full of girls who have their grumpy days as well.  Yes, I always get the eyeroll. :) 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Here are some classics from my trueblue Aussie Dad:

 

 

- I'm so hungry I could eat a horse between mattresses and then chase the jockey     

 

- This food is good enough to spoil my appetite       (said as a compliment to the cook/host)

 

 

[Tanaqui]

"Oh, you're hungry? Eat your hand, save the other for tomorrow."

 

"If it started walking, it must be halfway to New Jersey by now."

 

"There are two so one can look after the other."

 

"That's so people with nothing to say can have something to talk about."

 

"Listen, if you fall down and break your leg, don't come running to me for help."

 

"If you do that, I promise, I'll dangle you out the window by your toes."

 

"It means you'll be dead in three days." (In response to a minor complaint about itching or something.)

 

"Here, let me poke your stomach, make sure it isn't appendicitis." (Every time they have a stomachache. They usually end up giggling. That's how I know it isn't appendicitis!)

 

"Sit down, your daddy isn't a glassmaker" (so we can't see through you)

 

"Wow, training to be a bricklayer?" (When somebody takes a lot of butter or jelly)

 

"Leave some for the fishies!"

 

Half past a freckle & quarter past a hair is the standard response to "What time is it"

 

I just say "It's time for you to get a watch".

 

"I am not your pack mule" whenever they ask me to carry something. Which they never do anymore. It really works!

 

I had this with a small child I'm babysitting. I shamelessly told him that only babies had other people carry their bags, and big boys carried their own things. I may have been a wee bit irritated at his habit of saying everything he didn't personally like "was for babies". Well, it worked on both fronts, anyway - he doesn't say it anymore, and he definitely carries his own bag.

[Tanaqui]

The only one that comes to mind that I still say even to my adult children, Were You Raised in a Barn? That covers so much. I've even said it when they spilled a drink. I don't remember where I picked that up. My parents never said that.

 

I only say it in December, when the girls leave the door open or - worse - open a window to call to their friends. Ahem: Jesus Christ, shut the door already! What, were you born in a barn?

 

When they were little it went right over their heads, and now that they've been exposed to the story of the Nativity they just roll their eyes, but I giggle every time.

[73349]

"Don't break my streak!" [of not having had to take you to the emergency room. I.e., be careful]

 

"Some thing we do because we enjoy them, and some thing we do because they need doing."

 

[Automatic reply to "Mom?"] "Mama loves you."

[Tanaqui]

Come to think of it, I have easily a dozen more. I guess I really like Dad jokes.

 

If I give them a kiss on one cheek, I kiss the other - gotta kiss both sides, make it even, do you want to grow up lopsided?

 

If they say they're thirsty, I say "I'm Friday. Let's get together on Saturday and have a sundae", which... honestly, judging by how annoyed they act, you'd think they would've smartened up and started getting their own water by now without asking me first!

 

And if I do happen to be by the sink when they ask, I do a knock-knock joke. Noah who? No, ah DIDN'T feel a raindrop (splash splash splash). (I taught that one to my foster sister many years ago, and within a month she had infected her entire group home where she lived during the schoolweek. Last I heard, they were still racing to trick newcomers with that one.)

 

Well, three, a dozen, what's the difference?

Edited July 22, 2017 by Tanaqui

[Farrar]

We say the "I'm not planning to go to the ER today" thing a lot, but always sort of jokingly because we heard it over and over when they were kids from other parents and somehow it just got to be funny. Like, when do you ever plan that?

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

"If you kill yourself (doing something foolish) don't come running to me."

 

With teens who don't always want to tell me important stuff "Let me earn my salary, will you?"

 

"It's your father's fault" has become a standard joke about any inherited problem.  Dh is the one who gives me the eye roll.  :D

 

From my father:  "Give my love to everyone who needs it."

 

 

 

[KathyBC]

DH picked this one up from my dad: "Oops, stepped on a frog." That's for an accidental, unexpected, errrrrr, toot. It can be said by the stepper or anyone within hearing distance, so if the kids accidentally let one out, DH says it every time.

We picked up a similar one from a friend: "Barking mosquito!"

[RegGuheert]

Here are some classics from my trueblue Aussie Dad:

 

 

- I'm so hungry I could eat a horse between mattresses and then chase the jockey.

I have to admit that I read this about five times before I figured out that he was describing a sandwich! :o

 

Australians have the most colorful language! :thumbup1:

[Tree Frog]

Dh says he has to go see a man about a horse when he needs to use the bathroom. I think his dad said it, too.

 

My standard response to statements about not feeling well is to ask if they've had a glass of water. Now, they always tell me the last time they drank something. (We're in south central Texas and dehydration is always a concern.)

 

Edited to fix autocorrect.

Edited July 22, 2017 by wilrunner

[rebcoola]

Every time something goes wrong or the kids do something not so well thought out,  "What did we learn?" 

 

What's for dinner?" Food"

[Tanaqui]

My standard response to statements about not feeling well is to ask if they've had a glass of water. Now, they always tell me the last time they drank something. (We're in south central Texas and dehydration is always a concern.)

 

Oh, yes. If they want something they're not getting, and they keep asking "Well, there's people in Texas who want ice water." I've heard people say "hell" there, but... let's just say I've been to Texas in the summer. I don't think there's any place hotter.

[barnwife]

The only one that comes to mind that I still say even to my adult children, Were You Raised in a Barn? That covers so much. I've even said it when they spilled a drink. I don't remember where I picked that up. My parents never said that.

Ha,..We do live in a (converted) barn. So were we to ever say that, they'd just give us a very strange look and say "yes" while wondering how we could have forgotten where we live.