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Kid stealing stuff: give me your best hiding places (and a mini rant)


Katy
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Give me your best hiding places for a seven year old that's stealing stuff.  Being intentionally vague for privacy.

 

Yes, this is about new foster again.  All thoughts of alcohol or anything else being the cause is gone.  The child was playing dumb.  Conduct Disorder and/or RAD are high on the list now.  In the past few days we busted the child for framing a sibling for breaking rules multiple times. Multiple things have gone missing when only this child had access - from toys at the therapist's office to the key to our knives and chemicals (which are now safely out of the house). Also tried to harm multiple animals - poison one and strangle another.  We filed a ten day notice to move the child but with behaviors this severe another home may take a while.  My thought is that this kid should be in a therapeutic group home that starts as a nearly locked down facility with 24/7 supervision that lets them earn privileges, but the social worker isn't there yet.  We may end up calling the police to get this child out.  If this child attempts to hurt or molest another child in this house again, we will be calling the police.

 

In the mean time, missing stuff....  We've gone through the child's room multiple times.  We can't find the stash.  Are wondering if the key was swallowed, and the rest of the time it's being thrown out, but we don't know.  The child does have a weird fascination with trash. And spends A LOT of time in the bathroom.

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Yes, physically hurt two children and molested another.  There's a safety plan in place to prevent this from recurring, but I am physically not able to supervise 24/7, and child apparently needs less than 3 hours sleep a night.  DH can no longer be alone with them, so it's me and me alone. Child understands that the next time someone is hurt in this house they will be arrested.

 

DH talked about putting a GPS tracker in something that child would steal, but I don't see how we can choose what would go missing.

Edited by Katy
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Katy. Can the other children in them home be moved to a relatives house while you're waiting on the system? Move them today?

 

Yes, smaller non-foster child and smaller pets have been moved to a relative's home.

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I don't know how you who make the choice to parent RAD kids do it. I feel like I'm looking into the face of evil multiple times per day. Or possibly bipolar.  When child pretends to be nice you'd think they are the sweetest and most thoughtful child on earth.  Then a switch flips and it's clear the sweetness is manipulation.  Then the evil begins, but it's usually covert.  It takes direct confrontation to see outright defiance.

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Maybe directly into garbage bin that has already been removed? Garage, cluttered areas?

 

Sorry, missed this earlier.  Garage is locked.  Trash seems like the most likely option.  A therapist we know suggested checking underwear, sadly enough.

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My kid just ran in and hid his stuff in MY closet.  He doesn't know I saw him, and I think it's pretty funny he chose that!  Maybe it is hidden by virtue of the unexpected, instead of by good hiding.  Maybe it will turn up if you check more obvious of places?

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You said the kid spends a lot of time in the bathroom? Unfold towels and shake them out... empty cabinets and look inside any boxes that may be open... look inside the tank... pay special attention to little-used items that could hold something (i.e. a vaporizer). I'm sorry you're dealing with this (and sorry for the kid, too). Stay safe.

 

ETA: Go through the child's dresser and closet. Check pants pockets and socks to make sure nothing's tucked inside. (I'm assuming it's a key you're looking for?)

 

Look for any carpet edges turned up in the bedroom.

Edited by Reluctant Homeschooler
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Under furniture that you wouldn't think they could or would move.  We have a stand fan with a base, DSD was keeping.... stuff... under it.  In pockets of clean clothes, behind dressers (or in them, pull out bottom drawer see if it is behind it), inside of rolled up socks, I kept things in all these places as well as bed frame, inside shoes, under the couch (since I was the only one who cleaned the living room), I never kept anything illegal just stuff I wanted to keep from my nosy sisters.

Edited by foxbridgeacademy
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I'd like to join in the hugs...

 

What about couch/chair cushions that have covers with zippers? Pillow protectors with zippers? Dog bed?

 

Food containers? Cereal box? Thinking of my own pantry, that sounds like a lot of work to go through. Maybe yours is already locked up!

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If we're talking RAD like you think, then it was most likely buried into the trash to be unnoticed or flushed. S/he probably didn't take because s/he wanted it but to instead deprive others of it. I know I sound harsh, but I have first hand experience.

 

 

ETA:  :grouphug:  sorry for your family and this child  :crying: . Even though I know what I know, I still have a hard time accepting that it is possible to fundamentally break a child as badly as these children are broken.

Edited by jewellsmommy
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In shoes or boots? Might possibly be able to fit into an empty shampoo bottle (that you're unaware is empty (could fill it with water to make it seem full))? Inside play-doh in a play-doh container? Under car seat?

 

Realistically, if it's something as small as a key, then I think your odds of finding it at pretty small. The kid could probably have smuggled it outside and tossed it into the bushes or w/e. 

Edited by luuknam
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Yes, physically hurt two children and molested another.  There's a safety plan in place to prevent this from recurring, but I am physically not able to supervise 24/7, and child apparently needs less than 3 hours sleep a night.  DH can no longer be alone with them, so it's me and me alone. Child understands that the next time someone is hurt in this house they will be arrested.

 

DH talked about putting a GPS tracker in something that child would steal, but I don't see how we can choose what would go missing.

 

Honestly, with this, I'd tell them they HAVE to get the child today. I couldn't tolerate the molestation of my own child over that of this other child. Or you take the child to them. You have done your part in helping.

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Honestly, with this, I'd tell them they HAVE to get the child today. I couldn't tolerate the molestation of my own child over that of this other child. Or you take the child to them. You have done your part in helping.

 

I wish it were this simple, but legally it is apparently not.  If this child was a little older it would be that easy, but at 7 experts still argue they are "fixable" or "savable."  I literally had one therapist warn me that if I filed a ten day notice on this child my family would get labeled as difficult. Label away, we were very clear what types of children we would take in and what kind we would not and this is clearly in the NEVER category.

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I wish it were this simple, but legally it is apparently not.  If this child was a little older it would be that easy, but at 7 experts still argue they are "fixable" or "savable."  I literally had one therapist warn me that if I filed a ten day notice on this child my family would get labeled as difficult. Label away, we were very clear what types of children we would take in and what kind we would not and this is clearly in the NEVER category.

 

So what would happen to you legally if you took him/her to the caseworker and walked out without him/her?

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I wish it were this simple, but legally it is apparently not.  If this child was a little older it would be that easy, but at 7 experts still argue they are "fixable" or "savable."  I literally had one therapist warn me that if I filed a ten day notice on this child my family would get labeled as difficult. Label away, we were very clear what types of children we would take in and what kind we would not and this is clearly in the NEVER category.

 

 

They are so short-sighted when they do this.  We have pondered fostering or adopting.  It is this precise reason that we aren't and I know I'm not the only one.  I think we'd make a loving wonderful home for a child.  But I start to feel literally ill at the thought of a RAD child in my home.  I have many friends who foster and I don't believe they'd be up-front about it.   I also know myself well enough that if something bad happened I'd be the one in jail.   

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I honestly don't know what would happen if I just dropped them off.  I suspect we'd lose our foster license at the very least, and I might get charged with something along the lines of abandonment or child endangerment.

 

If I honestly think there is an emergency and a reasonable judge would agree there is no way we can care for this child another minute I can get emergency care, but honestly the child would probably come back to us when the "emergency" ended.  I just need to make a good faith effort to appear to be doing the right thing.

 

It's definitely true that not everyone should be a foster parent.  I don't think I should be a parent of a RAD kid.  I don't know how those that do it function.  It must be a more selfless form of love than I know.

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ETA:  :grouphug:  sorry for your family and this child  :crying: . Even though I know what I know, I still have a hard time accepting that it is possible to fundamentally break a child as badly as these children are broken.

 

It's horrifying and heartbreaking at the same time.

 

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I wish it were this simple, but legally it is apparently not.  If this child was a little older it would be that easy, but at 7 experts still argue they are "fixable" or "savable."  I literally had one therapist warn me that if I filed a ten day notice on this child my family would get labeled as difficult. Label away, we were very clear what types of children we would take in and what kind we would not and this is clearly in the NEVER category.

 

I would not work with these people any long if that is the attitude (once you resolve this situation).

 

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Inside zippers of upholstered cushions (don't forget bean bag chairs)

inside the zipper of a bed pillow

Under the insoles of shoes

taped to the bottom of a drawer

between the bottom drawer and the floor of the dresser/chest

taped to the bottom of almost anything that rarely gets turned over (flour canister, kitchen garbage can, step stool, kitchen chairs, etc.)

hidden inside of powdered laundry detergent or cereal - anything that would take a while to get to the bottom of (allowing for time to move the item to another location)

between the screen and the window (look up)

on the back side of window treatments and in rod pockets

behind posters on the wall

framed pictures - just taped behind them or between the picture and the back of the frame (actually take it apart)

cat litter box

if the item is small, it could be laying flat on top of a door frame

flower pots (take the plant out)

 

Do you need ideas for looking outside? 

 

ETA: On dressers/nightstands/kitchen cabinets or other items with drawers: items could be taped to the backs and sides of the drawers as well as under the drawers. Also, take out the top drawer of the piece of furniture and then feel up (the bottom of the top of the furniture). Take all of the drawers out of the furniture at one time to expose blind spots on the frame - the back and sides of the dresser itself. 

 

Edited by TechWife
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I honestly don't know what would happen if I just dropped them off.  I suspect we'd lose our foster license at the very least, and I might get charged with something along the lines of abandonment or child endangerment.

 

If I honestly think there is an emergency and a reasonable judge would agree there is no way we can care for this child another minute I can get emergency care, but honestly the child would probably come back to us when the "emergency" ended.  I just need to make a good faith effort to appear to be doing the right thing.

 

It's definitely true that not everyone should be a foster parent.  I don't think I should be a parent of a RAD kid.  I don't know how those that do it function.  It must be a more selfless form of love than I know.

 

 

Then get emergency care for as long and as often as you can until they find an alternate placement.  Or get the child into a children's psych unit as a danger to others.

 

This is beyond your ability to handle and it is not your fault that social workers placed a child with you who is more than you can handle.

 

Do you have safe sleeping arrangements, some 24 hour watch system, for all in the house, or is everyone in danger during the night?

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When I was a foster parent, I knew other foster parents who ended up in serious danger themselves due to situations that sounded along the lines of what you describe. I thought I already posted on that, but don't see my post.  Anyway, things like being stabbed by a pencil.  I don't know what the missing item(s) is / are, but I'd put family safety ahead of finding whatever it is unless it itself is something that might cause death or injury if not soon found. And in that case, that is yet another reason for a call to 911.

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This thread is just heartbreaking. My 7yo is so sweet and innocent. There is a spot in Hell for the people that can damage a child like this. And I hope a spot in jail too.

 

Op, hugs.

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Then get emergency care for as long and as often as you can until they find an alternate placement.  Or get the child into a children's psych unit as a danger to others.

 

This is beyond your ability to handle and it is not your fault that social workers placed a child with you who is more than you can handle.

 

Do you have safe sleeping arrangements, some 24 hour watch system, for all in the house, or is everyone in danger during the night?

 

I set up video baby monitors with a sound alarm so I can keep a watch on this child.  When I have to go to the bathroom or something I take the monitor with me.  Everyone else in the house locks bedroom doors.

 

This thread is just heartbreaking. My 7yo is so sweet and innocent. There is a spot in Hell for the people that can damage a child like this. And I hope a spot in jail too.

 

Op, hugs.

 

That's the thing. Apparently children have very little rights.  Multiple cases of founded child abuse, no jail time. I may end up working as an activist and try to get the constitution changed to give children some rights.  As it stands right now, parents have a constitutional right to parent, and it cannot be taken away except under dire circumstances. So social workers have a duty to try and give parenting classes but keep kids at home with their abusers. 

 

Let's take other forms of abuse out of the equation for the sake of argument.  IMO assault and battery against a child the way these kiddos have been hurt should have the exact same consequences or worse as hurting an adult: aggravated battery is typically a few years in jail.  If these parents were in jail for the known incidents, and if kids had a right to stability and freedom from abuse ie: if they were out of the care of the parents, parents rights were terminated at 6 months (with obvious exceptions for things like military tours of duty and extended illness, etc), that would go a long way towards protecting children.  As well as less children being born to convicted abusers.

 

To keep things out of the political realm, let me be clear that I am talking about what would clearly be defined as assault and battery.  I am not talking about something many parents use like spanking.

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