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#1 kariwhitaker

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 10:11 AM

I'm not sure if this is the right place to do this, but I need some help/advice from other homeschooling parents. I have been homeschooling my daughter for the past two years, and it has been WONDERFUL!! The whole time, I kept working part time as a freelancer. Well, in the past 6 months, my workload has quadrupled, and I've picked up a steady contract with a client for the foreseeable future. So, I'm now basically working full time, from home. My husband wants me to continue the work. I don't want to give up homeschooling, and neither does my daughter, but the spring semester was amazingly hard, because I suddenly did not have the time to devote to her that I had before. Since she has no homeschooling siblings, she basically got lonely and bored, because I couldn't give her the same amount of time/attention. We are thinking of putting her back in public school. The thought makes my skin crawl. But we also couldn't find any co-ops that were the right fit or had any openings. I guess what I'm asking is HOW can I discern what to do? I sometimes wish God would send me a letter and tell me exactly what he wants, haha! Honestly, my husband thinks she and I need a break from each other anyway, and he is very worried about her not getting enough socialization (even though she attends Sunday school every week and is part of a kids' climbing club.) Any thoughts/suggestions?????? Thanks in advance.



#2 Jean in Newcastle

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 10:28 AM

How old is she?  How is she doing academically?  Any special needs of any kind?  What are the local schools like?  What made you want to homeschool in the first place?  Any co-ops or anything like that in the area that she could attend part time while you work?

 

Sorry for all the questions but it really would be helpful to go through these questions to get to an answer on whether you should continue to homeschool. 


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#3 deerforest

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 10:51 AM

I work from home full time (for a huge global company) and DH works full time too, about 75% from home, and DD is an only child. What we've done has looked very different over the years so how old is she?



#4 kariwhitaker

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:08 AM

She is 8 and about to start 4th grade. She is VERY advanced for her age, and that is the primary reason we pulled her out of school 2 years ago. She has thrived in homeschooling. She loves it and dislikes the idea of going back to regular school. I would say only special needs she has is that she is definitely gifted and needs a lot of depth and challenge. Private schools we have looked into are full. Co-ops around us are full. We are on waiting lists. But to be honest, I don't know that co-ops will even give her the challenge she needs. She is a friendly kid who needs a lot of interaction.... when she is left to her own devices, she will literally read or draw all day. I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with that, but husband is worried she is withdrawing too much into her own world.  I guess in a perfect world, we could find a challenging co-op that handled all curriculum planning for me and wasn't an hour drive from where we live, but it looks like I can't find anything quite like that. We are in Birmingham, AL, and the co-op choices are pretty slim or crazy hyper religious and I am not comfortable with that. Right now we are just wondering if we go back to public school if we can augment at home. We had tried that in K and 1st when she was in pub school, but she was just simply tired at the end of a long day at school and didn't want to do extra stuff at home. She is also a very talented musician and practices 45 min every day. I'm also afraid pub school time and homework will zap her ability to focus on her piano like she does right now.



#5 Tanaqui

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:16 AM

How much money are you pulling in with this freelancing, and can you live without it? What are your husband's hours like? Can he pick up some of the homeschool load? Can she take more outside classes or extracurriculars with other kids?



#6 coastalfam

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:16 AM

If it was me, as you sound so reluctant, I would put off that question for a year, and try all you can to make it work. You can always pop her in school next year if it doesn't work out. 

 

Some ideas that might make space for your work, and provide kid time for you daughter are teaming up with another mom to swap one subject a week (you take her kids for one subject, and she can take your daughter for one). Out sourcing a subject to a tutor. No extra kid time, but it will help with you having some work time. Homeschooling in the evening (i.e. dad can do part of it, while you do some work). Get a housekeeper so you can have work time instead of needing to do the usual cleaning. Picking and "open and go" curriculum so you don't have to bother with much planning. Paying another homeschool mom to take your daughter a couple times a week-- this could be for days she does not have a new assignment to work on, but rather items she can work on along side another family's school day. Anyway, those are just some ideas that occurred to me, or that people in my area have done to juggle homeschool and other circumstances. I may be helping another mom this year my taking her kiddos in the afternoon to do history and science with us. 


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#7 deerforest

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:44 AM

So around that age, we started to have DD attend some homeschooling half day and full day activities. I worked with a local arts center to put together an arts class that was about 2-3 hours. We also worked with them to offer a few homeschool options of the after school classes. We also have a couple outdoor programs that offer half and full day programs. I also organized field trips because it allowed me to pick things she was interested in and could work around our schedules. 

 

In other words, I had to be willing to ask and advocate for options that worked best for us.

 

She also started to get involved in other after school activities, and that's about the age she started getting involved in the art discipline that's taken over her life.

 

My DD is gifted too but introverted and has no interest in any local academic classes. She's very motivated to remain homeschooling so she's managed to work within our guidelines. I have been able to give her my dedicated time from 6am-10am during the week and time during the weekends. In the early years that was enough school time and then she had time do do whatever she wanted. Now I am spending about 8am-10am with her as she's gotten older she appreciates a bit more sleep but it means more independent work.

 

She has loads of friends but not all are homeschoolers, and most of her closest ones are starting school in the fall (for 8th). She has many schooled friends from all her after school activities that have served her social needs quite well.

 

I'd say I'm the one who lost out of continuing homeschool friendships because we could never go to park days, etc. But, admittedly as a full-time working mom my life was quite different anyway.


Edited by deerforest, 17 July 2017 - 11:45 AM.

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#8 Garga

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 02:38 PM

Why does your husband think you and dh need a break from each other? Do you guys argue a lot? Does she resist your instruction/parenting?

Do you need to have quadruple the work? Could you cut back at all?

Can you homeschool year round so that you can do fewer hours a day?

Can you homeschool on weekends?

Will your dh be willing to teach any classes? Does he pull equal weight in the running of a home? If not, will he be willing to do more?

What other activities could your dd do that would provide her with more socialization? Are there art classes nearby or does she want to take up any kind of sport other than church and the one activity she already does? Does she have friends with whom you could make a point to have her spend time with?

I don't think the problem is homeschooling. The problem is that you are working full time and that your dh is concerned that you and she need and break and she needs other friends. Is he good at articulating his concerns and not just a wispy, "Well, kids shouldn't be around their moms all the time...they should be around other kids..." Can he say why he feels the way he does, or is he just parroting things he's heard? If he's articulate are his concerns valid?

The socialization thing can be a big deal. I have a kid who is socially awkward and I can't tell if it's because he's homeschooled or if he'd be that way anyway. My dh and I were socially awkward teens and we went to school, so it could be genetic. :). I wish I could go back in time and make a point to have more playdates with his buddies when he was smaller and I could control it more. Socialization alone would not be enough for me to send my kids to school, but it does need to be dealt with if it's an issue.

Working full-time and homeschooling is tough, but do-able. It's best if there are people in your life who can help carry all the loads--hired help, maid, outsourced meals, husband, mom, etc.

Why does your dh want you to keep working? Do you need the money or is this so you guys can buy 'toys'? Do your dh and you match on values about parenting and education and money? Is he seeing this more clearly than you are and you're not listening to him or is it vice versa? Is he embarrassed that you guys homeschool and do something outside of the norm? Or does he have good insight and is seeing problems?

Edited by Garga, 17 July 2017 - 02:42 PM.

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#9 Faithful_Steward

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 03:29 PM

I would send her to school unless it is awful or unsafe. I have met a lot of women over the years who regret giving up full-time employment to homeschool.

#10 kariwhitaker

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 03:57 PM

Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and good questions. 

 

I think she is fine as far as socialization; but I am naturally much more introverted than my DH, and he complains that my introversion is sort of holding her back (I've tried really hard to listen to him and attempt to get her around kids whenever is possible.)

 

We don't need the money. At all. In fact, we just recently sold our home to downsize to a smaller home in order to save money. But, I think his fear is "WHAT IF" we will need the money in the future? We also have one daughter in college and one daughter about to start college in a couple of years, and I think he is feeling that weight. For the last 8 years since I quit working full time (when we had the baby), he has been bothered by the fact that I don't contribute as much, financially. So, I guess it makes him really happy that we have this financial cushion. I would say we don't really want too many "toys"... in fact, we have given up a lot of luxuries in the past several years such as gym memberships and lawn care service. However, we DO pay for our kids to do expensive things like club soccer and competitive gymnastics (and we pay for part of the big girls' private schooling.... they are my step-daughters, and their mom pays for half).

 

Yes, the homeschooling is not the problem. I think it is definitely what my husband expects monetarily and what he wants for her socially. I would be thrilled if tomorrow he said I didn't have to work any more and could just focus on homeschooling her. :)  But, after 8 years of that argument, I know now it will never happen. 

 

I feels sort of frustrated because he and I have different goals. He says he really doesn't want to put her back in public school, though. I think he is conflicted, as well. 



#11 knitgrl

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 05:41 PM

I would send her to school unless it is awful or unsafe. I have met a lot of women over the years who regret giving up full-time employment to homeschool.

 

I think this depends very much on the woman in question - if she misses working a lot and derives a great deal of satisfaction from working full-time, then she should quit homeschooling. As for me, I am soooooo glad I am no longer working full time.

 

Yes, the homeschooling is not the problem. I think it is definitely what my husband expects monetarily and what he wants for her socially. I would be thrilled if tomorrow he said I didn't have to work any more and could just focus on homeschooling her. :)  But, after 8 years of that argument, I know now it will never happen. 

 

I feels sort of frustrated because he and I have different goals. He says he really doesn't want to put her back in public school, though. I think he is conflicted, as well. 

 

There are trade-offs. Homeschooling a full-time job. If you continue to homeschool, you either work full time to have that really nice financial cushion and sacrifice the quality of your daughter's education, or you cut back work hours, so that you have the time and energy to give her the education you want to provide for her. I know there are people who manage to do both out of necessity, but I can't imagine it is an ideal situation.



#12 Milknhoney

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 06:18 PM

Well, your DH sounds a bit like mine. I work part time outside the home. We do need the money so it is not an option for us for me to stay home completely, much as I may wish it. However, even part time is a concession on his part. He supports homeschooling, but if he had it all his way, I would still be full time and the kids would go to the private Christian school. And yes, there has been friction over the years because of it. I know he feels like I don't contribute as much as he does (which is super frustrating - I work as many if not more hours as he does - I just don't get paid for the ones spent homeschooling). 

 

I don't really have any suggestions for you... how to make your husband change his mind... if you figure it out let me know!! All I can say is that in the last couple of years, we haven't been as conflicted as we started. I'm not sure if he's just on board more with it all or if it is me. Ever since I started part time, all I could do was wish and hope for the day I could quit all together. But my job is at a private university that offers free tuition to employee dependents. So the closer we get to the finish line for ds, the more motivated I am to stay put so that he can get a free private education. So maybe my contentment has somehow helped DH's. 

 

Also, deep down inside, even though I greatly envy my friends who get to devote their entire day to their kids and schooling, there is a part of me that likes being able to earn money. In the end, it isn't just dh. It's me too. I'll hazard a guess that you are that way too. Otherwise you wouldn't have successfully built a freelance business. It's just that like me, your motherly instincts are also pulling you, so you're torn.

 

I think part time employment is a very nice balance to all of that.


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#13 deerforest

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 07:23 PM

I am just going to take a moment to really push back on the idea that a woman working full time won't be able to provide a quality homeschool education.

Read any of my posts in the 6 years I've been here, and you will see a consistent pattern of me choosing top-quality, teacher intensive materials. I work full time in a very well known tech company with 10 people reporting to me directly.Work, school, and home life are not sacrificed.

DH works full time too and does all cooking and cleaning except for DD's chores. He does all driving. I handle bills, schedules, appointments, and household management.

We insist on doing things and spending time together on the weekends.

These are our priorities, and it is absolutely possible to provide a high quality education to your child if you work full time.

Edited by deerforest, 17 July 2017 - 07:24 PM.

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#14 Faithful_Steward

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 08:15 PM

I think this depends very much on the woman in question - if she misses working a lot and derives a great deal of satisfaction from working full-time, then she should quit homeschooling. As for me, I am soooooo glad I am no longer working full time


Of course. I was simply responding to the OP's question. Based on her husband's desires, her work situation, and assuming an adequate, safe public school alternative, I would put the child in school.

Homeschooling at the expense of working is a risk for most women. It just is.

And I believe dads have rights in regards to the raising of their children.
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#15 RenaInTexas

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 09:08 PM

We have similar situations. Some things that have worked for us:

 

- I work from home, DH works from home twice a week

- DH helps with hs, he doesn't do any planning, but he is the teacher two days a week. Those are the days that I really focus on work to get ahead of the game.

- on my days to teach, I start work early (6-7 am) and work through lunch

- on our teaching days, we teach 2-3 hours, the other hours, the boys have study hall, independent work, morning folder, or outsourced class

- we outsource a couple of classes to an online vendor (CAP) or CD (Apologia, Rosetta)/ Saxon on youtube

 

 

Since doing this, our days are not longer because we had about 1-hr commutes (if include prep time). Basically those 2-hrs are now spent teaching and we work through lunch on our teaching days. So we actually have more family time now than before bc there is no homework, commuting, and no picking up kids.


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#16 fralala

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 04:51 AM

 

I feels sort of frustrated because he and I have different goals. He says he really doesn't want to put her back in public school, though. I think he is conflicted, as well. 

 

OK, so I would start here.

 

The thought of putting her back in public school makes your skin crawl (you said in your first post, which struck me as a VERY strong and convincing intuitive sense that it is not the right place for this kid). Your husband seems to sense this, too. I don't know your daughter-- I have opinions on what it's like to be a highly accelerated or gifted kid in school (having been one) and I would say that I think your intuition is correct, but also that what matters most is what goes on at home even if she spends her days at school-- she is still going to be coming home to parents who care enough about her to agonize about what is best for her. (And clearly your husband is thinking that he wants to be sure there's enough money for her when her college days come around, and he wants her to have friends and social experiences-- I don't think either of you is being at all unreasonable here, just caring, decent parents.)

 

So I think if you sit down and talk starting from this point, you two can figure something out. (And maybe involve her and the older kids, if it seems reasonable, in the family talk-- the more people who know her and care about her who can come up with ideas, the better.) Start with the facts: Neither of you thinks public school is the best place for her. He wants her to have more opportunities to be around kids around her age. Etc.

 

(As an aside-- because it's something I came up with, and not your husband, and I think people are more apt to consider ideas that they themselves have thrown out or collaborated on during a brainstorm session...I think you already mentioned that she has two activities she does, but he doesn't think this enough in the context of her week. I wonder if you two could discuss what he would consider enough? More after-school and weekend activities? You don't have to be limited by options available to homeschoolers if he is open to this idea. Anyway, one way to feel this one out would be to make "She participates in x and y activities for ___ hours a week. School would be ____ hours a week. What would be the ideal maximum and minimum hours/week around other kids, in our opinion?" part of your talk.)

 

Good luck!


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#17 BlsdMama

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 07:21 AM

So as a mom with older kids, here is my perspective:

You are at a challenging age because, at 8, you are limited in the classes to her "age" rather than ability, and because people expect young children to be very social while people are okay with older kids focusing on skill/talent/ability.  So I will tell you I think that homeschooling will become easier, not harder, as she gets older.  

 

In a couple years this will transition and skill based classes will be more readily available.  I will tell you that a co-op or group setting is worthy.  Too many people focus on where their child is academically.  Pooh.  Your child can get enough academic stimulation from you.  As homeschoolers, we tend to downplay socialization because the world CONSTANTLY hits us with it.  I see a lot of value in the pure group fun aspect.  It's good for kids to be silly and giggle sometimes and be in on group projects.  Group projects and working as a team has lasting benefits and learning to speak in front of a group is more easily conquered when the child is young and it's done consistently.  So that's the value added part I see in a group/co-op.  The other value is the value of a circle.  As my kids got into high school, I have had a child that has not had a "circle" and two that do.  I think, if you can find a circle of great kids/families, that this is the ideal scenario.
 

I can't speak to the only child aspect.  I think it would be harder to homeschool 1 rather than 7, 8, 9, because so much weight to teach and entertain would fall on me, so I can't speak to that.

As far as work - there has to be a line drawn.  

 

We all have 1,000 things screaming for our attention every day.  If you choose to homeschool a child, she can't be left to herself with no one to talk to or play with all day.  It would be a lonely existence.  Just as a man shouldn't work 80 hours a week because he has a family he needs to interact with, neither should a homeschooling mom work (or play on the internet) 8 hours a day while a child is left to themselves.  It is unfair.  I don't think that means no work either.  But I do think you need to closely evaluate this:

1. What does my child *need* to flourish?
2. Am I committed to providing those needs?

3. Because I am committed to providing these needs, what boundary must I create between work and homeschooling?

It will probably look something like:  I can work six hours a day - three during the day and three in the evening (random numbers) and can take on ONLY X amount of freelance accounts at a time and must turn down all other work in order to prioritize her school/home environment.

 

And then not waffle from that for the promise of more $$.  

 

 


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#18 OhElizabeth

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 07:44 AM

 

Yes, the homeschooling is not the problem. I think it is definitely what my husband expects monetarily and what he wants for her socially. I would be thrilled if tomorrow he said I didn't have to work any more and could just focus on homeschooling her. :)  But, after 8 years of that argument, I know now it will never happen. 

 

 

Look, I don't know if this makes me a feminist (for having an opinion different from the man's?) or a traditionalist (for saying the woman shouldn't have to work?), but I think I'd give my dh a good slap and a wherefore if he said I HAD to work when he was bringing in more than enough bacon and more than capable enough of providing for the family.

 

You want to be home with her. Cut back your workload and tell the client you have limits because your dc's needs are increasing. You clearly have enough skill that you can keep fresh, work the hours you can manage at your pleasure, and go back full-time in 8 years when she is done. 

 

Adding: You realize what an outrageous UNDER-VALUING that is of your time and skill for him to say that YOU should work full-time so that you can pay for someone ELSE to teach her at school when YOU want to?? My ds has significant SN. I work with him and I consider my time as valuable as any therapist's I use, so my time is worth $65-125 an hour. What is your time worth? Are you willing to work a full-time job to pay someone ELSE to do the thing you want to? 

 

Bonus thought. Why don't you look for schools that would be WORTH putting her into? Like what placement would open up in a year, in two years, whatever, if you waited a bit? Does your state have magnet schools? 

SaveSave


Edited by OhElizabeth, 18 July 2017 - 07:48 AM.

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#19 mommyoffive

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 10:06 AM

We have similar situations. Some things that have worked for us:

 

- I work from home, DH works from home twice a week

- DH helps with hs, he doesn't do any planning, but he is the teacher two days a week. Those are the days that I really focus on work to get ahead of the game.

- on my days to teach, I start work early (6-7 am) and work through lunch

- on our teaching days, we teach 2-3 hours, the other hours, the boys have study hall, independent work, morning folder, or outsourced class

- we outsource a couple of classes to an online vendor (CAP) or CD (Apologia, Rosetta)/ Saxon on youtube

 

 

Since doing this, our days are not longer because we had about 1-hr commutes (if include prep time). Basically those 2-hrs are now spent teaching and we work through lunch on our teaching days. So we actually have more family time now than before bc there is no homework, commuting, and no picking up kids.

 

 

Thank you for posting this.  It sounds so realistic on how to be able to work and still home school.  I am wanting to do that this year.   I had just read an article about this same thing this week.  


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#20 Tibbie Dunbar

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 10:21 AM

I would not put a very advanced child back into public school, when she wants to be Hs'ed AND both parents want her to be Hs'ed, just so you can make more money in a non-essential situation! Priorities! I mean your own stated priorities. Life's full of choices. Do what you think is right!

Could you not take one step back, to what worked? Work part time, to keep your foot in the door with your career (and for whatever other reasons you have for working), and get back to teaching your child well.
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#21 Calming Tea

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 01:11 PM

So as a mom with older kids, here is my perspective:

You are at a challenging age because, at 8, you are limited in the classes to her "age" rather than ability, and because people expect young children to be very social while people are okay with older kids focusing on skill/talent/ability. So I will tell you I think that homeschooling will become easier, not harder, as she gets older.

In a couple years this will transition and skill based classes will be more readily available. I will tell you that a co-op or group setting is worthy. Too many people focus on where their child is academically. Pooh. Your child can get enough academic stimulation from you. As homeschoolers, we tend to downplay socialization because the world CONSTANTLY hits us with it. I see a lot of value in the pure group fun aspect. It's good for kids to be silly and giggle sometimes and be in on group projects. Group projects and working as a team has lasting benefits and learning to speak in front of a group is more easily conquered when the child is young and it's done consistently. So that's the value added part I see in a group/co-op. The other value is the value of a circle. As my kids got into high school, I have had a child that has not had a "circle" and two that do. I think, if you can find a circle of great kids/families, that this is the ideal scenario.

I can't speak to the only child aspect. I think it would be harder to homeschool 1 rather than 7, 8, 9, because so much weight to teach and entertain would fall on me, so I can't speak to that.
As far as work - there has to be a line drawn.

We all have 1,000 things screaming for our attention every day. If you choose to homeschool a child, she can't be left to herself with no one to talk to or play with all day. It would be a lonely existence. Just as a man shouldn't work 80 hours a week because he has a family he needs to interact with, neither should a homeschooling mom work (or play on the internet) 8 hours a day while a child is left to themselves. It is unfair. I don't think that means no work either. But I do think you need to closely evaluate this:

1. What does my child *need* to flourish?
2. Am I committed to providing those needs?
3. Because I am committed to providing these needs, what boundary must I create between work and homeschooling?

It will probably look something like: I can work six hours a day - three during the day and three in the evening (random numbers) and can take on ONLY X amount of freelance accounts at a time and must turn down all other work in order to prioritize her school/home environment.

And then not waffle from that for the promise of more $$.


I agree with this 100%. Being alone 6 hours per day with only two activities per week is extremely isolating. Extremely.
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#22 Pen

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 02:51 PM

Is there anything like, say, a YMCA that she could spend afternoons or Saturdays at for a lot of social time while you got some work done?


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#23 Darling

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 03:21 PM

I hear you.  Take a global view of the academic goals, curriculum, and topics you want her to achieve or master for the year. You may need to do this planning away from child, husband, and home.  

 

Then break it out into what she can do:  completely independently; needs some guidance and some independence; and, what needs one-on-one teacher-intensive instruction.  You may be surprised that there really isn't as much that requires your full attention.  

 

Then make a plan for the week that allows for you to do your work while she is doing her independent work. Schedule the intense one-on-one work. And, finally create a guide-by the side situation where you are both working but you are available.  

 

Next, have a private appointment in the morning in which SHE tells you what she is going to do. She needs to write it on a white board or 3 x 5 card.  At that time, you will discuss what you will work on with her and when.  You can have status checks agreed upon at that point as well.  When she gets more skilled at this, she can plan her week in a notebook or planner.  

 

You won't get everything done but if you get the big things mastered and help your child develop a personalized learning system for herself she is equipped for life.  

 

You always have options. Consider the option of transforming your systems.  


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#24 OhElizabeth

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 04:56 PM

Is there anything like, say, a YMCA that she could spend afternoons or Saturdays at for a lot of social time while you got some work done?

 

At our Y the after school care is only vacations, off days, summer. However the gymnastics program has a team level that gets you long chunks (3 hours!) once you get there. Indeed it works out to be cheap babysitting, assuming your kid likes to do it. :D


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#25 kbutton

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 05:18 PM

I agree that if she is relatively neurotypical outside of the gifted issue (no LDs, etc.), then educating her will, in some ways, get easier over time because you will have more options over time. I think you could also look into gifted schools right now (particularly since her half-sibs are in private settings). Also, I have been told from numerous places that you should look into scholarships and such before saying yay or nay on the private schooling (at least if you are looking into private schools for the gifted--ones that require IQ scores and such to get into). If you are in a ritzy area, that might not be helpful, but if you are in an area with a lot of different income ranges, the school might have options for variety of income levels. It really depends on the school, but this is what I hear at a local gifted enrichment program regarding school options (and the families in the program have kids in all sorts of school settings at all sorts of income levels).

 

Dual enrollment and grade-skipping--those options might be on the table if you have not investigated them. Some states have dual enrollment starting quite early. If you are shooting for that, then your situation becomes more of a short-term problem (which could help with your DH's financial views) than a long-term one.

 

I am speaking from the perspective of someone who has gifted kids, has heard some of this at parenting events for parents of gifted kids, but for whom most of this advice is a bit out of reach due to 2e issues that span an astonishing range of abilities/grade-levels/maturity levels in one child.  ;)


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#26 Calming Tea

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 05:18 PM

Yes, like DeerForest said, working full time is definitely not the issue. 

 

It's how you manage it all, and if your dh is willing to split the work.  Her dh is also home a lot, so I would imagine if dd is lonely she can at least pop in and chat with Dad, whereas OP's dd would not be able to do that when Mom is really entrenched.

 

OP,

How much is your dh willing to help?  Can he drive dd to and fro?  Does he ever work from home? 

 

I think if she found an avenue like DeerForest's dd did, where she is going to go train and be with her buddies for many hours almost every day, PLUS if you get creative with finding other activities, signing up or organizing events, seeing about the YMCA after-care idea, etc. then maybe it can work.  

 

Your current plan of dd spending 5-6 hours per day primarily alone with only two outside events per week is seriously isolating....but if you were to keep looking for her to find a niche "thing" that she likes (whether it's gymnastics team, karate team, etc.), as well as a drop off regular activitiy that is just for anyone (aka 3-4 days per week of YMCA after-care), then you'd be working on the short term problem (get her out of the house way way more!), and the long term problem (make it so she has a SKill HObby that she will be able to immerse herself in like DeerForest's dd) AND you guys go out and do fun stuff on Saturdays as a family AND your dh is willing to help...it could work.

 

I would also take time to build relationships in the homeschool community so she can go to co-ops in a year or two.  Co-ops generally become very big around 7th grade and you want to start testing the waters and getting to know people so that your dd can be part of that eventually.  You have to think short term and long term to make this work, and you have to be strategic.  :) 

 

But again I don't necessarily think the problem is working full time, it's just how and when :) and what youre dd is doing meanwhile.


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#27 kariwhitaker

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Posted 19 July 2017 - 10:14 AM

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and ideas!! It has encouraged me that maybe it's possible to do both.... but yes, I think I need to step up on the social outlets big time. My DH has a pretty demanding job, but he is able to work from home some and also is very involved with her and her learning. So, maybe I need to stop thinking that all the responsibility lies solely with me!  ;) I've been pretty drained from trying to do everything myself, so I guess I need to stop doing that. haha. Seems obvious now after reading all the comments. Why didn't I think of this stuff before? I guess sometimes you are just too close to a situation. Thankful to all of you!


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#28 RoundAbout

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Posted 19 July 2017 - 01:57 PM

Are there any after school programs (like a community center or Boys and Girls Club) your daughter could attend? My DS attends the after school program at a local elementary school from 2:30-6 pm most days and I work during that time. We home school from 9 am-2 pm  plus weekends which is more than enough time and I actually like the time pressure as it means we get things done instead of putting things off until afternoon.  The program provides recreation, physical activity, and socialization. He hasn't made any best friends there but he's learning to get along with a diverse group of children and the cost is very affordable because its run by the city. 


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#29 katilac

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Posted 19 July 2017 - 03:01 PM

I would do a combination: I might reduce my hours somewhat, closer to 3/4 time, and then I'd take some of the money earned and put it towards household help that would let me spend more time with dd - personally I would rather be homeschooling or going to the park rather than cleaning house or mowing the lawn! 

 

Even if it's a dollar for dollar trade, it should make your dh feel better about finances because you will have lots of experience and clients if you ever do genuinely need the money. Or for when dd graduates - which, dude, comes quicker than you can imagine!

 

I would also work hard to address the socialization issue. At that age, there are usually still plenty of park days that are for socialization only. I mean, I'd be pretty amazed if an area with co-ops didn't also have park days for the under 10s! But if there truly isn't one, I'd start one. Just start going to the same park on the same day at the same time, and post it on every local homeschool page. 

 

Check to see if your library has a kid's area and if they allow club meetings or quiet activities. Our big library has both a kid area and a teen center, and they do game days, anime club, crafts, all kinds of things. My teen has been spending 10+ hours at the library every week this summer, I kid you not. It will probably be more like 5 during the school year. The great thing about library activities is that one can get tons of work done while waiting! 

 

Check parks and recreation. Ours has the usual sports, with less sporty kids usually going for soccer (baseball and football are a bit cutthroat), and they also have all kinds of kid classes, like art, drama, cooking. 

 

Call the day care centers near you and figure out who does after-school care, that might be an option for certain days. 

 

Summer camps are a great way to address the socialization issue! If she did several weeks of camp over the summer, would that increase dh's comfort level? She's be around crowds of kids, that's for sure. We also have camps for the winter holidays and spring break (lots of working parents), so she could potentially be in several summer camps, 1 or 2 in December, and 1 in the spring. That spreads things out nicely. If your county doesn't have much, look at the next county over. As a long-term home schooler, I really believe that most of us have no way to get around lots and lots of driving, lol.  

 

I would do everything in my power to address dh's concerns (and, as a fellow introvert, I do think your dd probably needs to get out more). I would also do everything in my power to continue homeschooling. 

 

Start a notebook and list each concern. Then have plenty of discussions about how to meet those concerns. 


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#30 Cadam

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Posted 20 July 2017 - 10:49 AM

I think you have to be creative to make it work but it is possible. 

 

Can you get up early to start work and have her sleep in?

 

Once she is up she has a pre-determined list of things to do independently including chores. Kids with two full-time working parents so a lot to help around the house and with meal prep.  Then in the afternoon when you are done with work, you do the one-on-one schooling things with her.

 

I would continue to work on getting into some kind of drop-off program or part-time homeschool classes or sports activities that she could attend. Even if you can't get into a regular co-op right away, I think you will find those waitlists start getting called in September when people don't show up and then in January when people drop out or move, so do not give up on that.

 

With all this extra income consider hiring a college student to be her part-time "nanny". (certainly no more money than the private schools you were looking at) The student can take her places, do time-consuming science experiments or art projects with her, go to museums... whatever. If you aren't in a set co-op the college student can take her to homeschool days at local historical sites and children's museums and run her around to any number of activities.

 

There is a family in our co-op that has a retired homeschool mom basically act as their kids' governess. She homeschools them and runs them to activities and when the kids need to be in 2 different places the mom and governess divide and conquer :) Mom works full time but it is for their family business so she can be a little flexible and she usually brings her work to co-op and sits in the back with the laptop.

 

I know parents who work full-time and homeschool. It can be done. You do have to be creative about it. Think of it less as homeschooling and more like you are directing her education. You don't have to do it all. You are more like the coordinator of her educational opportunities.

 

Another alternative is part-time public school. I have a friend who is sending her kids next year to the local elementary school for a half-day. It is the appropriate compromise for her family and the way the school is set-up it will not be disruptive to them either.

 

I wouldn't jump ship quite yet. I would wait a year and see if you can adapt things to your new reality. Last year you were caught off-guard but this year you know what your workload is going to be like and you can plan for the changes.


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#31 Bambam

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Posted 20 July 2017 - 06:53 PM

I would send her to school unless it is awful or unsafe. I have met a lot of women over the years who regret giving up full-time employment to homeschool.

 

I've never met anyone with this regret. I know many women who had to give up homeschooling due to financial distress that are very sorry they can no longer continue to homeschool.

 

Do these women think their career is more important than their children's education or are the schools/educational options in their area excellent?


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#32 Mimm

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Posted 21 July 2017 - 09:29 PM

I would send her to school unless it is awful or unsafe. I have met a lot of women over the years who regret giving up full-time employment to homeschool.

 

That seems like odd advice for the Hive. Most people here have probably made this choice. Most people around here won't hesitate to recommend public school in situations where it seems to be the best choice, but advice to not give up work to homeschool could apply to us all.

 

To the OP, I have the opposite advice. If money isn't needed, I would talk to your husband about cutting back on work. I would not put a child in public school who loves to homeschool, especially when you can see the problems she's going to have there (boredom, not being challenged), from a mile away.

 

The introversion thing isn't something I'd worry about. I'm a hard core introvert who would be happy to stay at home most of the time, but I'm out and about for my children's sake every day of the week. I can literally count the number of days I haven't left the house this year on one hand.


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#33 Tibbie Dunbar

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Posted 21 July 2017 - 09:57 PM

Nm

Edited by Tibbie Dunbar, 21 July 2017 - 09:58 PM.


#34 Calming Tea

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Posted 23 July 2017 - 10:12 PM

I think you have to be creative to make it work but it is possible.

Can you get up early to start work and have her sleep in?

Once she is up she has a pre-determined list of things to do independently including chores. Kids with two full-time working parents so a lot to help around the house and with meal prep. Then in the afternoon when you are done with work, you do the one-on-one schooling things with her.

I would continue to work on getting into some kind of drop-off program or part-time homeschool classes or sports activities that she could attend. Even if you can't get into a regular co-op right away, I think you will find those waitlists start getting called in September when people don't show up and then in January when people drop out or move, so do not give up on that.

With all this extra income consider hiring a college student to be her part-time "nanny". (certainly no more money than the private schools you were looking at) The student can take her places, do time-consuming science experiments or art projects with her, go to museums... whatever. If you aren't in a set co-op the college student can take her to homeschool days at local historical sites and children's museums and run her around to any number of activities.

There is a family in our co-op that has a retired homeschool mom basically act as their kids' governess. She homeschools them and runs them to activities and when the kids need to be in 2 different places the mom and governess divide and conquer :) Mom works full time but it is for their family business so she can be a little flexible and she usually brings her work to co-op and sits in the back with the laptop.

I know parents who work full-time and homeschool. It can be done. You do have to be creative about it. Think of it less as homeschooling and more like you are directing her education. You don't have to do it all. You are more like the coordinator of her educational opportunities.

Another alternative is part-time public school. I have a friend who is sending her kids next year to the local elementary school for a half-day. It is the appropriate compromise for her family and the way the school is set-up it will not be disruptive to them either.

I wouldn't jump ship quite yet. I would wait a year and see if you can adapt things to your new reality. Last year you were caught off-guard but this year you know what your workload is going to be like and you can plan for the changes.


Love the nanny idea! Great addition to this thread!
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