Home'scool Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 (edited) Update: We are closing on the house on Thursday. Once we close I will get a chunk of money off the top and then my STBX will be paying me all the back alimony he owes me from his share of the profit!!! The rest of the money will go into the attorney's IOLTA account until we figure out what debt will be paid, etc. Bottom line, though, is that if FINALLY get some money!!! My STBX put in the paperwork that he reserves the right to argue about alimony but that is fine. I know he will fight me until his last breath but the law is the law and he will lose. So my sister and I will be going on a well-deserved vacation. I am so happy that there is finally some movement in this case. Our final court date is in December so I guess now we get into the nitty-gritty of arguing the final divorce agreement but at least for now I have some money! I FINALLY heard from the court today. It has been 7 weeks! Quick background because it has been so long and convoluted: Judge ordered temporary alimony for me starting in March. STBX refused to pay and filed a request to vacate the order. I filed a contempt order but that filing was basically moot because we had to see whether the judge would uphold his original order. So we went to court beginning of June to argue the request to vacate the temporary order. Today the judge upheld the order in my favor. Which is great news. STBX owes me somewhere close to $30,000 right now, and that is just to catch him up. Except that I still don't know if my STBX will pay. If he doesn't, it will be back again to the court for a contempt hearing. Which means probably another 3 months with no funds coming in. And the judge wrote that his denial is "without prejudice" so that my STBX can seek "disproportionate share of marital estate on account of the expenses above and beyond his alimony obligation that he is required to pay" Right now the order says he has to pay me alimony and pay the expenses on the marital home. I hope that doesn't mean my STBX can come back and want half of the mortgage payments he has been making over the last year and a half. He lives in the house, not me. He makes over 200K to my measly 40K. And he has not paid me ONE DIME in the last 18 months. So it is a victory, but it will be an empty one if he still refuses to pay and I have to take him back to court again. Edited August 28, 2017 by Home'scool 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Oh wow. That is crazy. I hope he just starts paying. I mean good grief. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 (edited) My heart breaks for you. I have followed your story from the beginning. Your STBX is a jackass. ETA I thought the house was to be sold? Edited July 12, 2017 by Lawana 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Can't the court order ex's employer to pay your alimony & mortgage directly from his paycheck? Or is he self-employed? :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: and best of luck to you. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 12, 2017 Author Share Posted July 12, 2017 ETA I thought the house was to be sold? Yes, the house was on the market and we got an offer. Closing is scheduled for end of August. That will take a LOT of financial pressure off. Can't the court order ex's employer to pay your alimony & mortgage directly from his paycheck? Or is he self-employed? He can be docked directly out of his pay if he continues to be a jerk. But that would be after I took him to court AGAIN which would take months. Months that I scrounge to pay all my expenses while he goes on vacation, drives his BMW, and takes his latest girlfriend out to $200 dinners every week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 My heart breaks for you. I have followed your story from the beginning. Your STBX is a jackass. ETA I thought the house was to be sold? ^ This. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Praying this all gets resolved for you QUICKLY and that you get the money you're due NOW! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 That's so hard. A friend of mine had an agreement that the X would pay all medical bills related to their disabled child that lived with her, and she would pay for the insurance. She ALWAYS had to go to court to get him to pay. It truly was an awful situation, so she didn't do it unless the bills were overwhelming. Thankfully she remarried, and their income covers the child's medical bills now without strain. So she doesn't bother going to court any more. For accountability, she still sends the bills, but he never pays. Rotten, rotten situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 I was thinking of you and am glad you updated. You are still in my prayers. Take care of yourself! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 That's so hard. A friend of mine had an agreement that the X would pay all medical bills related to their disabled child that lived with her, and she would pay for the insurance. She ALWAYS had to go to court to get him to pay. It truly was an awful situation, so she didn't do it unless the bills were overwhelming. Thankfully she remarried, and their income covers the child's medical bills now without strain. So she doesn't bother going to court any more. For accountability, she still sends the bills, but he never pays. Rotten, rotten situation. Too many jackasses in the world... I wish they wore a sign so decent women could stay away from them. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 I know one isn't supposed to wish evil on other folks, but every now and then, karma happening would be nice. I hope you get your $$ - and if he doesn't pay, that the judge hits him with a big fine (given to you) for it. Who gets the proceeds of the house when it closes in August? Him? Or split (by the title company handling closing vs him "giving" you a portion)? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 I know one isn't supposed to wish evil on other folks, but every now and then, karma happening would be nice. I hope you get your $$ - and if he doesn't pay, that the judge hits him with a big fine (given to you) for it. Who gets the proceeds of the house when it closes in August? Him? Or split (by the title company handling closing vs him "giving" you a portion)? What she said. And yes, is the house being split equally? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn in FL Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Just a thought... Did the Judge include a firm timeline/deadline for catching up? Is it remotely possible to immediately request (via your attorney) that the Judge order the repayment to occur at the time of the closing (and out of his portion of the sale proceeds?) If it were me, I would probably consider requesting an emergency hearing based solely on the upcoming closing date and the fact that "The Loser SBXH" will indeed be in possession of known liquid assets. :grouphug: :grouphug: 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 We live in a no alimony state, so I'm not sure how that works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slackermom Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Like Jenn in FL said, see if you can get the court to allow a lien on the property in the amount of the judgement. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Very sorry to hear this. Glad you are clear and strong. He is horrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 My heart breaks for you. I have followed your story from the beginning. Your STBX is a jackass. ETA I thought the house was to be sold? Echo! I have been wondering about you but didn't want to bring it up. I am pleased for the victory and hopeful that your attorney will not sit around and wait for stbx to make payment, but will be anticipating any counter move dh could make and planning a strong reaction to any and all of it. Time for this to be over already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 13, 2017 Author Share Posted July 13, 2017 When we sell the house the plan is to take the equity and use it to pay off all debt - this includes the parent loans we took out for our daughter's college tuitions and credit card debt. The equity should just about cover that all so I am not planning any payout from the sale of the house but am happy to start with a clean slate and no debt. I am waiting to speak to my attorney about what the next step is. Unfortunately the judge was not as specific as I would've liked him to be. He just said he was upholding his original order which was for weekly payments starting in March. He didn't specify a date that my STBX needed to either start back up again or be caught up by. So unfortunately I will have to wait and see what my STBX does and then react from there. Nothing about this has been easy. We should be such a simple divorce; sell the house, pay off the debts, each take over our own expenses like car payment, and he pays me alimony. He just is so ADAMANT that he shouldn't have to give me a dime that he is willing to spend THOUSANDS of dollars on attorneys. Such an idiot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Can you hire a lawyer to garnish his wages? I FINALLY heard from the court today. It has been 7 weeks! Quick background because it has been so long and convoluted: Judge ordered temporary alimony for me starting in March. STBX refused to pay and filed a request to vacate the order. I filed a contempt order but that filing was basically moot because we had to see whether the judge would uphold his original order. So we went to court beginning of June to argue the request to vacate the temporary order. Today the judge upheld the order in my favor. Which is great news. STBX owes me somewhere close to $30,000 right now, and that is just to catch him up. Except that I still don't know if my STBX will pay. If he doesn't, it will be back again to the court for a contempt hearing. Which means probably another 3 months with no funds coming in. And the judge wrote that his denial is "without prejudice" so that my STBX can seek "disproportionate share of marital estate on account of the expenses above and beyond his alimony obligation that he is required to pay" Right now the order says he has to pay me alimony and pay the expenses on the marital home. I hope that doesn't mean my STBX can come back and want half of the mortgage payments he has been making over the last year and a half. He lives in the house, not me. He makes over 200K to my measly 40K. And he has not paid me ONE DIME in the last 18 months. So it is a victory, but it will be an empty one if he still refuses to pay and I have to take him back to court again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 I wish that all of your old threads were linked in this one so that people could see the pattern. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's so classic, from start to finish, and it's so predictable and yet so surprising in the moment. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 13, 2017 Author Share Posted July 13, 2017 Can you hire a lawyer to garnish his wages? If I need to I will not hesitate to do this. If he ends up scrubbing toilets in Guatemala I will be right there, over his shoulder, collecting my half of his penny! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 So sorry. I have been reading your threads so do remember this. Our court system is broken. And I know that Australia's is too from what the Australians here say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 When we sell the house the plan is to take the equity and use it to pay off all debt - this includes the parent loans we took out for our daughter's college tuitions and credit card debt. The equity should just about cover that all so I am not planning any payout from the sale of the house but am happy to start with a clean slate and no debt. I am waiting to speak to my attorney about what the next step is. Unfortunately the judge was not as specific as I would've liked him to be. He just said he was upholding his original order which was for weekly payments starting in March. He didn't specify a date that my STBX needed to either start back up again or be caught up by. So unfortunately I will have to wait and see what my STBX does and then react from there. Nothing about this has been easy. We should be such a simple divorce; sell the house, pay off the debts, each take over our own expenses like car payment, and he pays me alimony. He just is so ADAMANT that he shouldn't have to give me a dime that he is willing to spend THOUSANDS of dollars on attorneys. Such an idiot Is it writing that this is what is to happen with the proceeds of the sale? If not, all he has to do is request split checks at closing & walk away with his half. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 13, 2017 Author Share Posted July 13, 2017 I plan on having it in writing that the money from the sale of the house goes to the debt. I used to trust the man to the moon and back. Now I wouldn't trust him with my trash. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 14, 2017 Author Share Posted July 14, 2017 My attorney sent an email to his attorney last night demanding the payment of all the back money he owes me by Monday. Let's see if that happens ..... I think he is away this weekend (again) so who knows, but if we don't have a check by Monday then we file for contempt (again). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Do you know if he has the money or have they been spending everything he earns? If he doesn't have it, I think I'd still inquire about getting yours out of the house - even if it mean HE was left with his half of some debt (your share still getting paid off). I'm not really thinking you'd get it otherwise. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I would have the courts split the debt and take your back due alimony out of the house sale proceeds. If he doesn't have enough left over from the house to pay both the alimony and his share of the debt, too bad, so sad. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) That is the overall plan. I wanted to make sure that any money he owes me does not come out of shared investment accounts. That just means there is less for us to split and I end up with less overall. According to my attorney it would either come out of the proceeds from the house, or off the top of one of the investment accounts. Then what was left would be split between us. And so far today, the deadline, I have not heard anything. So it looks like we will be off to court again :cursing: What a waste of time and money Edited July 17, 2017 by Home'scool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Most debtors consider both names on the debt liable for the debts regardless of how the court might split up the debt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) Most debtors consider both names on the debt liable for the debts regardless of how the court might split up the debt. From my limited observation, signed court documents and a divorce decree showing allocation of debt means the lender cannot pursue the other spouse. Various lenders contacted one parent for the other parent's pre-divorce debts and documentation compelled them to leave the non-obligated parent alone. Edited July 17, 2017 by ErinE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 From my limited observation, signed court documents and a divorce decree showing allocation of debt means the lender cannot pursue the other spouse. Various lenders contacted one parent for the other parent's pre-divorce debts and documentation compelled them to leave the non-obligated parent alone. Unfortunately, I have seen friends held accountable by lenders post-divorce, despite court orders requiring the other party to pay the debt. It may not be the norm but it can happen. I've seen at least two friends deal with that with mortgages and another with credit cards. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 That is the overall plan. I wanted to make sure that any money he owes me does not come out of shared investment accounts. That just means there is less for us to split and I end up with less overall. According to my attorney it would either come out of the proceeds from the house, or off the top of one of the investment accounts. Then what was left would be split between us. And so far today, the deadline, I have not heard anything. So it looks like we will be off to court again :cursing: What a waste of time and money He is such an ass. I'm so sorry. It is mind boggling how much the courts tolerate general jack- assed-ness. It is ridiculous that he wasn't held in contempt and garnished after the first time. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 What boggles my mind is that men like this can find women to date them! What woman would want to date a man who is so horrible to his former wife and current children?!?! As if he's going to be different with a new woman? It's not like he's playing the pity card about having to pay so much to his ex-wife. He's just showing how mean he can be and I'm surprised any woman would date him! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 What boggles my mind is that men like this can find women to date them! What woman would want to date a man who is so horrible to his former wife and current children?!?! As if he's going to be different with a new woman? It's not like he's playing the pity card about having to pay so much to his ex-wife. He's just showing how mean he can be and I'm surprised any woman would date him! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk I think women lie to themselves about what the future will hold. They fall for the lies about how evil his ex is then they are shocked when he turns on them. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I think women lie to themselves about what the future will hold. They fall for the lies about how evil his ex is then they are shocked when he turns on them. Ask my neighbor. "What was I thinking that after 3 wives, *I* was the one who was going to have a successful marriage with that guy?" But she WAS thinking it and it affects her every day, although I have to say she has done a remarkable job raising two wonderful kids and married a terrific guy about a year ago. But she is aghast at her complete and utter credulity in even dating the guy who came with 3 ex's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 What boggles my mind is that men like this can find women to date them! What woman would want to date a man who is so horrible to his former wife and current children?!?! As if he's going to be different with a new woman? It's not like he's playing the pity card about having to pay so much to his ex-wife. He's just showing how mean he can be and I'm surprised any woman would date him! THIS^^ I know from his new girlfriend's facebook page that (a) she is divorced herself, so she should be aware of the whole process and (b) she puts herself out there as a strong, liberated, pink-hat wearing woman. I want to ask her just what in the hell she is thinking? She is living with a man who, while separated, is not divorced. His children are not talking to him. He has not paid a dime to me. Now I know he could be telling her stories that are completely the opposite of what is going on, but I would think a woman who was previously divorced would see some red flags in all this. He is her problem now, though. Not my circus, not my monkey anymore! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 What boggles my mind is that men like this can find women to date them! What woman would want to date a man who is so horrible to his former wife and current children?!?! As if he's going to be different with a new woman? It's not like he's playing the pity card about having to pay so much to his ex-wife. He's just showing how mean he can be and I'm surprised any woman would date him! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Are you kidding? It is *always* the "crazy" ex-wife's fault. She's a loon. She's a b!tch. She's unstable. She's this. She's that. It is *NEVER* their own fault. Never. And that's what they tell the new girlfriend. It's a story as old as the sun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 Are you kidding? It is *always* the "crazy" ex-wife's fault. She's a loon. She's a b!tch. She's unstable. She's this. She's that. It is *NEVER* their own fault. Never. And that's what they tell the new girlfriend. It's a story as old as the sun. Yup. I just had to let go of the fact that he tells everyone all of the above. I know I have stayed above the fray in all of this, I know that I still have the love and respect of my children. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 (Hugs) :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 But even if he's spreading lies about his ex-wife, he is still not supporting his current children. He's ignoring court orders--how can a woman even begin to feel safe and think he's a good catch?!? I have an acquaintance whose husband wanted someone less feisty and left her with seven children to raise. How can another woman even consider him a good fit?!? There's got to be that little voice that says, "what if he flakes out on me for an argument and leaves me also?" Even if you're a card carrying feminist, you should be able to see a dud and stay away. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted August 28, 2017 Author Share Posted August 28, 2017 Update in OP 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 Yay! So glad to hear your update. Money is good. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 Sure hope it works out the way you hope! That would be great! It sounds like he has put enough loopholes into the agreement to delay things a lot more though. But I hope I'm wrong about this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 Thank you for the update -- I hope everything works out as planned and that you finally get your money! I have to admit, though, that I have the same concerns that Carol mentioned, but I hope we're both wrong and that everything finally starts to calm down and go more smoothly for you. Enjoy that vacation -- you deserve it after all you've been through! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted August 28, 2017 Author Share Posted August 28, 2017 I have resigned myself that he is going to fight this until the bitter end - maybe even making us go to trial. My attorney said she has never seen a case like this. Lucky me, huh? But in the end, it is a very simple case. He just doesn't like the idea of paying me alimony, but the law is the law. It is just too bad that he is making us (more him than me) spend thousands and thousands of dollars, and he has ruined his relationship with his daughters fighting this. He was always way too stubborn and arrogant for his own good. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 Thanks for the update. I have followed your story from the beginning and am always happy when you update, even when STBX is a jerk, again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 I'm glad for your update. I hope it all works out favorably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 THIS^^ I know from his new girlfriend's facebook page that (a) she is divorced herself, so she should be aware of the whole process and (b) she puts herself out there as a strong, liberated, pink-hat wearing woman. I want to ask her just what in the hell she is thinking? She is living with a man who, while separated, is not divorced. His children are not talking to him. He has not paid a dime to me. Now I know he could be telling her stories that are completely the opposite of what is going on, but I would think a woman who was previously divorced would see some red flags in all this. He is her problem now, though. Not my circus, not my monkey anymore! Guys who can get women to date them again despite how abusive they were to pass wise usually make themselves out to be victims. In fact in every single case or somebody's been abuse, it seems that the abuser calls themselves a victim and make themselves out to be a victim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 Can you freeze all shared accounts so that he cannot take money from there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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