Jump to content


What's with the ads?

Photo
* * * - - 5 votes

Update on me


40 replies to this topic

What's with the ads?

#1 Home'scool

Home'scool

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 862 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 01:29 PM

I FINALLY heard from the court today. It has been 7 weeks!

 

Quick background because it has been so long and convoluted:

Judge ordered temporary alimony for me starting in March. STBX refused to pay and filed a request to vacate the order. I filed a contempt order but that filing was basically moot because we had to see whether the judge would uphold his original order. So we went to court beginning of June to argue the request to vacate the temporary order.

 

Today the judge upheld the order in my favor. Which is great news. STBX owes me somewhere close to $30,000 right now, and that is just to catch him up.

 

Except that I still don't know if my STBX will pay. If he doesn't, it will be back again to the court for a contempt hearing. Which means probably another 3 months with no funds coming in.

 

And the judge wrote that his denial is "without prejudice" so that my STBX can seek "disproportionate share of marital estate on account of the expenses above and beyond his alimony obligation that he is required to pay"

 

Right now the order says he has to pay me alimony and pay the expenses on the marital home. I hope that doesn't mean my STBX can come back and want half of the mortgage payments he has been making over the last year and a half. He lives in the house, not me. He makes over 200K to my measly 40K. And he has not paid me ONE DIME in the last 18 months. 

 

So it is a victory, but it will be an empty one if he still refuses to pay and I have to take him back to court again. 

 

 


  • chiguirre, Laura in CA, Anne in CA and 12 others like this

#2 Scarlett

Scarlett

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 18637 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 01:32 PM

Oh wow.  That is crazy.  

 

I hope he just starts paying. I mean good grief.  


  • scrapbookbuzz and texasmom33 like this

#3 Lawana

Lawana

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2410 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 01:43 PM

My heart breaks for you. I have followed your story from the beginning. Your STBX is a jackass.

ETA I thought the house was to be sold?

Edited by Lawana, 12 July 2017 - 01:44 PM.

  • Home'scool, KayT, Lady Florida. and 7 others like this

#4 Crimson Wife

Crimson Wife

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 18678 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 01:45 PM

Can't the court order ex's employer to pay your alimony & mortgage directly from his paycheck? Or is he self-employed?

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:  and best of luck to you.


  • scrapbookbuzz, jewellsmommy and ErinE like this

#5 Home'scool

Home'scool

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 862 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 01:49 PM

ETA I thought the house was to be sold?

 

Yes, the house was on the market and we got an offer. Closing is scheduled for end of August. That will take a LOT of financial pressure off.

 

Can't the court order ex's employer to pay your alimony & mortgage directly from his paycheck? Or is he self-employed?

 

He can be docked directly out of his pay if he continues to be a jerk. But that would be after I took him to court AGAIN which would take months. Months that I scrounge to pay all my expenses while he goes on vacation, drives his BMW, and takes his latest girlfriend out to $200 dinners every week.


  • Arctic Mama likes this

#6 Random

Random

    None of this was in the parenting books.

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1767 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 01:56 PM

My heart breaks for you. I have followed your story from the beginning. Your STBX is a jackass.

ETA I thought the house was to be sold?

 

  ^ This.

 

:grouphug:


  • Home'scool likes this

#7 scrapbookbuzz

scrapbookbuzz

    Snarky Homeschool Mama

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5052 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 02:36 PM

Praying this all gets resolved for you QUICKLY and that you get the money you're due NOW!


  • jewellsmommy likes this

#8 G5052

G5052

    Retired Homeschool Mom -- they're in college!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9045 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 02:42 PM

That's so hard. A friend of mine had an agreement that the X would pay all medical bills related to their disabled child that lived with her, and she would pay for the insurance.

 

She ALWAYS had to go to court to get him to pay. It truly was an awful situation, so she didn't do it unless the bills were overwhelming.

 

Thankfully she remarried, and their income covers the child's medical bills now without strain. So she doesn't bother going to court any more. For accountability, she still sends the bills, but he never pays. 

 

Rotten, rotten situation.



#9 Anne in CA

Anne in CA

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5494 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 02:57 PM

I was thinking of you and am glad you updated. You are still in my prayers. Take care of yourself!


  • jewellsmommy likes this

#10 goldberry

goldberry

    In a Handbasket

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9194 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 03:17 PM

That's so hard. A friend of mine had an agreement that the X would pay all medical bills related to their disabled child that lived with her, and she would pay for the insurance.

 

She ALWAYS had to go to court to get him to pay. It truly was an awful situation, so she didn't do it unless the bills were overwhelming.

 

Thankfully she remarried, and their income covers the child's medical bills now without strain. So she doesn't bother going to court any more. For accountability, she still sends the bills, but he never pays. 

 

Rotten, rotten situation.

 

Too many jackasses in the world... I wish they wore a sign so decent women could stay away from them.


  • Anne, Lawana, creekland and 7 others like this

#11 creekland

creekland

    Retired homeschooler!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 22518 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 03:37 PM

I know one isn't supposed to wish evil on other folks, but every now and then, karma happening would be nice.

 

I hope you get your $$ - and if he doesn't pay, that the judge hits him with a big fine (given to you) for it.

 

Who gets the proceeds of the house when it closes in August?  Him?  Or split (by the title company handling closing vs him "giving" you a portion)?


  • transientChris, Anne, Laura in CA and 5 others like this

#12 mominco

mominco

    Just Visiting

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 572 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 03:42 PM

:grouphug:



#13 Arctic Mama

Arctic Mama

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12124 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 03:47 PM

I know one isn't supposed to wish evil on other folks, but every now and then, karma happening would be nice.

I hope you get your $$ - and if he doesn't pay, that the judge hits him with a big fine (given to you) for it.

Who gets the proceeds of the house when it closes in August? Him? Or split (by the title company handling closing vs him "giving" you a portion)?


What she said. And yes, is the house being split equally?

#14 Jenn in FL

Jenn in FL

    Hive Mind Level 5 Worker: Forager Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 348 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 04:08 PM

Just a thought...

 

Did the Judge include a firm timeline/deadline for catching up?  Is it remotely possible to immediately request (via your attorney) that the Judge order the repayment to occur at the time of the closing (and out of his portion of the sale proceeds?) If it were me, I would probably consider requesting an emergency hearing based solely on the upcoming closing date and the fact that "The Loser SBXH" will indeed be in possession of known liquid assets.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:


  • AFwife Claire, Anne, Laura in CA and 10 others like this

#15 Bambam

Bambam

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1447 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 04:19 PM

We live in a no alimony state, so I'm not sure how that works. 



#16 slackermom

slackermom

    Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1268 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 05:06 PM

Like Jenn in FL said, see if you can get the court to allow a lien on the property in the amount of the judgement.
  • Jenn in FL, Crimson Wife, mamaraby and 2 others like this

#17 Carol in Cal.

Carol in Cal.

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 15943 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 06:27 PM

Very sorry to hear this.

 

Glad you are clear and strong.

 

He is horrible. 



#18 Seasider

Seasider

    anchored

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 8117 posts

Posted 12 July 2017 - 06:32 PM

My heart breaks for you. I have followed your story from the beginning. Your STBX is a jackass.

ETA I thought the house was to be sold?

 

Echo!

 

I have been wondering about you but didn't want to bring it up. I am pleased for the victory and hopeful that your attorney will not sit around and wait for stbx to make payment, but will be anticipating any counter move dh could make and planning a strong reaction to any and all of it. Time for this to be over already.



#19 Home'scool

Home'scool

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 862 posts

Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:09 AM

When we sell the house the plan is to take the equity and use it to pay off all debt - this includes the parent loans we took out for our daughter's college tuitions and credit card debt. The equity should just about cover that all so I am not planning any payout from the sale of the house but am happy to start with a clean slate and no debt.

 

I am waiting to speak to my attorney about what the next step is. Unfortunately the judge was not as specific as I would've liked him to be. He just said he was upholding his original order which was for weekly payments starting in March. He didn't specify a date that my STBX needed to either start back up again or be caught up by. So unfortunately I will have to wait and see what my STBX does and then react from there.

 

Nothing about this has been easy. We should be such a simple divorce; sell the house, pay off the debts, each take over our own expenses like car payment, and he pays me alimony. He just is so ADAMANT that he shouldn't have to give me a dime that he is willing to spend THOUSANDS of dollars on attorneys. Such an idiot



#20 reefgazer

reefgazer

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5765 posts

Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:46 AM

Can you hire a lawyer to garnish his wages?

I FINALLY heard from the court today. It has been 7 weeks!

 

Quick background because it has been so long and convoluted:

Judge ordered temporary alimony for me starting in March. STBX refused to pay and filed a request to vacate the order. I filed a contempt order but that filing was basically moot because we had to see whether the judge would uphold his original order. So we went to court beginning of June to argue the request to vacate the temporary order.

 

Today the judge upheld the order in my favor. Which is great news. STBX owes me somewhere close to $30,000 right now, and that is just to catch him up.

 

Except that I still don't know if my STBX will pay. If he doesn't, it will be back again to the court for a contempt hearing. Which means probably another 3 months with no funds coming in.

 

And the judge wrote that his denial is "without prejudice" so that my STBX can seek "disproportionate share of marital estate on account of the expenses above and beyond his alimony obligation that he is required to pay"

 

Right now the order says he has to pay me alimony and pay the expenses on the marital home. I hope that doesn't mean my STBX can come back and want half of the mortgage payments he has been making over the last year and a half. He lives in the house, not me. He makes over 200K to my measly 40K. And he has not paid me ONE DIME in the last 18 months. 

 

So it is a victory, but it will be an empty one if he still refuses to pay and I have to take him back to court again. 

 



#21 Carol in Cal.

Carol in Cal.

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 15943 posts

Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:49 AM

I wish that all of your old threads were linked in this one so that people could see the pattern.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.  It's so classic, from start to finish, and it's so predictable and yet so surprising in the moment.


  • Laura in CA, Lawana, ErinE and 2 others like this

#22 Home'scool

Home'scool

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 862 posts

Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:53 AM

 

Can you hire a lawyer to garnish his wages?

 

 

If I need to I will not hesitate to do this. If he ends up scrubbing toilets in Guatemala I will be right there, over his shoulder, collecting my half of his penny!

 

 


  • amy g. and maize like this

#23 transientChris

transientChris

    Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 10176 posts

Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:54 AM

So sorry. I have been reading your threads so do remember this. Our court system is broken. And I know that Australia's is too from what the Australians here say.

#24 QueenCat

QueenCat

    Queen of the Palapa

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9239 posts

Posted 13 July 2017 - 01:43 PM

When we sell the house the plan is to take the equity and use it to pay off all debt - this includes the parent loans we took out for our daughter's college tuitions and credit card debt. The equity should just about cover that all so I am not planning any payout from the sale of the house but am happy to start with a clean slate and no debt.

 

I am waiting to speak to my attorney about what the next step is. Unfortunately the judge was not as specific as I would've liked him to be. He just said he was upholding his original order which was for weekly payments starting in March. He didn't specify a date that my STBX needed to either start back up again or be caught up by. So unfortunately I will have to wait and see what my STBX does and then react from there.

 

Nothing about this has been easy. We should be such a simple divorce; sell the house, pay off the debts, each take over our own expenses like car payment, and he pays me alimony. He just is so ADAMANT that he shouldn't have to give me a dime that he is willing to spend THOUSANDS of dollars on attorneys. Such an idiot

 

Is it writing that this is what is to happen with the proceeds of the sale? If not, all he has to do is request split checks at closing & walk away with his half.


  • Carol in Cal. and Crimson Wife like this

#25 Home'scool

Home'scool

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 862 posts

Posted 13 July 2017 - 02:05 PM

I plan on having it in writing that the money from the sale of the house goes to the debt. 

 

I used to trust the man to the moon and back. Now I wouldn't trust him with my trash.


  • Carol in Cal., Laura in CA, Lawana and 2 others like this

#26 Home'scool

Home'scool

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 862 posts

Posted 14 July 2017 - 07:33 AM

My attorney sent an email to his attorney last night demanding the payment of all the back money he owes me by Monday. Let's see if that happens ..... I think he is away this weekend (again) so who knows, but if we don't have a check by Monday then we file for contempt (again).


  • Jenn in FL likes this

#27 creekland

creekland

    Retired homeschooler!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 22518 posts

Posted 14 July 2017 - 04:55 PM

Do you know if he has the money or have they been spending everything he earns?  If he doesn't have it, I think I'd still inquire about getting yours out of the house - even if it mean HE was left with his half of some debt (your share still getting paid off).  I'm not really thinking you'd get it otherwise.


  • Jenn in FL and Crimson Wife like this

#28 Crimson Wife

Crimson Wife

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 18678 posts

Posted 14 July 2017 - 05:14 PM

I would have the courts split the debt and take your back due alimony out of the house sale proceeds. If he doesn't have enough left over from the house to pay both the alimony and his share of the debt, too bad, so sad.


  • Jenn in FL, Lawana and Seasider like this

#29 Home'scool

Home'scool

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 862 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 10:56 AM

That is the overall plan. I wanted to make sure that any money he owes me does not come out of shared investment accounts. That just means there is less for us to split and I end up with less overall.

 

According to my attorney it would either come out of the proceeds from the house, or off the top of one of the investment accounts. Then what was left would be split between us.

 

And so far today, the deadline, I have not heard anything. So it looks like we will be off to court again  :cursing:

 

What a waste of time and money

 


Edited by Home'scool, 17 July 2017 - 10:57 AM.


#30 QueenCat

QueenCat

    Queen of the Palapa

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9239 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:06 AM

Most debtors consider both names on the debt liable for the debts regardless of how the court might split up the debt.



#31 ErinE

ErinE

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4338 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:36 AM

Most debtors consider both names on the debt liable for the debts regardless of how the court might split up the debt.


From my limited observation, signed court documents and a divorce decree showing allocation of debt means the lender cannot pursue the other spouse. Various lenders contacted one parent for the other parent's pre-divorce debts and documentation compelled them to leave the non-obligated parent alone.

Edited by ErinE, 17 July 2017 - 11:36 AM.


#32 QueenCat

QueenCat

    Queen of the Palapa

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9239 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:39 AM

From my limited observation, signed court documents and a divorce decree showing allocation of debt means the lender cannot pursue the other spouse. Various lenders contacted one parent for the other parent's pre-divorce debts and documentation compelled them to leave the non-obligated parent alone.

 

Unfortunately, I have seen friends held accountable by lenders post-divorce, despite court orders requiring the other party to pay the debt. It may not be the norm but it can happen. I've seen at least two friends deal with that with mortgages and another with credit cards.


  • Carol in Cal. likes this

#33 texasmom33

texasmom33

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5652 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:51 AM

That is the overall plan. I wanted to make sure that any money he owes me does not come out of shared investment accounts. That just means there is less for us to split and I end up with less overall.

 

According to my attorney it would either come out of the proceeds from the house, or off the top of one of the investment accounts. Then what was left would be split between us.

 

And so far today, the deadline, I have not heard anything. So it looks like we will be off to court again  :cursing:

 

What a waste of time and money

 

 

He is such an ass. I'm so sorry. It is mind boggling how much the courts tolerate general jack- assed-ness. It is ridiculous that he wasn't held in contempt and garnished after the first time.  :grouphug:


  • KayT, onelittlemonkey and Seasider like this

#34 bethben

bethben

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2544 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 01:11 PM

What boggles my mind is that men like this can find women to date them! What woman would want to date a man who is so horrible to his former wife and current children?!?! As if he's going to be different with a new woman? It's not like he's playing the pity card about having to pay so much to his ex-wife. He's just showing how mean he can be and I'm surprised any woman would date him!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  • amy g. likes this

#35 amy g.

amy g.

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4293 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 01:17 PM

What boggles my mind is that men like this can find women to date them! What woman would want to date a man who is so horrible to his former wife and current children?!?! As if he's going to be different with a new woman? It's not like he's playing the pity card about having to pay so much to his ex-wife. He's just showing how mean he can be and I'm surprised any woman would date him!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I think women lie to themselves about what the future will hold. They fall for the lies about how evil his ex is then they are shocked when he turns on them.
  • Patty Joanna, heatherwith3, GinaPagnato and 2 others like this

#36 Patty Joanna

Patty Joanna

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9045 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 01:23 PM

I think women lie to themselves about what the future will hold. They fall for the lies about how evil his ex is then they are shocked when he turns on them.

 

Ask my neighbor.  "What was I thinking that after 3 wives, *I* was the one who was going to have a successful marriage with that guy?"  But she WAS thinking it and it affects her every day, although I have to say she has done a remarkable job raising two wonderful kids and married a terrific guy about a year ago.  But she is aghast at her complete and utter credulity in even dating the guy who came with 3 ex's.  


  • GinaPagnato likes this

#37 Home'scool

Home'scool

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 862 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 01:56 PM

 

What boggles my mind is that men like this can find women to date them! What woman would want to date a man who is so horrible to his former wife and current children?!?! As if he's going to be different with a new woman? It's not like he's playing the pity card about having to pay so much to his ex-wife. He's just showing how mean he can be and I'm surprised any woman would date him!

THIS^^

 

I know from his new girlfriend's facebook page that (a) she is divorced herself, so she should be aware of the whole process and (b) she puts herself out there as a strong, liberated, pink-hat wearing woman. I want to ask her just what in the hell she is thinking?

 

She is living with a man who, while separated, is not divorced. His children are not talking to him. He has not paid a dime to me. Now I know he could be telling her stories that are completely the opposite of what is going on, but I would think a woman who was previously divorced would see some red flags in all this.

 

He is her problem now, though. Not my circus, not my monkey anymore!


  • onelittlemonkey and texasmom33 like this

#38 Kinsa

Kinsa

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9197 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 02:11 PM

What boggles my mind is that men like this can find women to date them! What woman would want to date a man who is so horrible to his former wife and current children?!?! As if he's going to be different with a new woman? It's not like he's playing the pity card about having to pay so much to his ex-wife. He's just showing how mean he can be and I'm surprised any woman would date him!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Are you kidding? It is *always* the "crazy" ex-wife's fault. She's a loon. She's a b!tch. She's unstable. She's this. She's that. It is *NEVER* their own fault. Never.

And that's what they tell the new girlfriend.

It's a story as old as the sun.
  • Home'scool and heatherwith3 like this

#39 Home'scool

Home'scool

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 862 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 03:02 PM

Are you kidding? It is *always* the "crazy" ex-wife's fault. She's a loon. She's a b!tch. She's unstable. She's this. She's that. It is *NEVER* their own fault. Never.

And that's what they tell the new girlfriend.

It's a story as old as the sun.

 

Yup. I just had to let go of the fact that he tells everyone all of the above. I know I have stayed above the fray in all of this, I know that I still have the love and respect of my children. 

 

 

 

 

 


  • amy g., Kinsa, GinaPagnato and 2 others like this

#40 displace

displace

    2e or not 2e

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3612 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 03:26 PM

(Hugs) :(

#41 bethben

bethben

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2544 posts

Posted 17 July 2017 - 03:43 PM

But even if he's spreading lies about his ex-wife, he is still not supporting his current children. He's ignoring court orders--how can a woman even begin to feel safe and think he's a good catch?!? I have an acquaintance whose husband wanted someone less feisty and left her with seven children to raise. How can another woman even consider him a good fit?!? There's got to be that little voice that says, "what if he flakes out on me for an argument and leaves me also?" Even if you're a card carrying feminist, you should be able to see a dud and stay away.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk