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Writing an email in "principal" language


Arctic Bunny
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The language I'm looking for has utterly escaped me. Can you please help? I want to convey that I hate being "that mom" contacting him about my special snowflake. But...

 

Today they all went to next year's class. DS was very excited. It was the non-split he was hoping for, with the boys he knows. After returning to their classroom he was informed there had been a mistake, he's actually in one of the splits. Since he wasn't with that group, he doesn't know exactly who is in it, but since he was with his buddies, he knows it's not them.

 

I'd like to know the reasoning for the classroom assignment. I don't want to dismiss them out of hand. I'm open to why this might be a great placement for DS.

 

We just moved here in May. So two months at this school. Fourth school in three years, but don't foresee any more moves. DS finally has friends. He's not being ostracized for not playing hockey, for being too smart, he's not being physically assaulted. This is the best social situation he's been in...ever. He's been in split classes before and was looking forward to not being in one again. He was absolutely crushed to find out he won't be with the only group of friends he's ever had, but that he missed out on seeing who he would be with, etc.

 

How do I say this in a way that emphasizes the good place he's in socially right now for the first time ever? Is this the right approach? Thanks for any advice!

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Is this a neighborhood school? Are there kids in your neighborhood who attend the school who aren't already his friends? Has he had bad interactions with them? Obviously I don't know the whole situation, but if there's a chance that he might make new friends over the summer who attend this school, I'd probably wait on sending the letter. 

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I tend to agree on the phone call vs. email.

 

If you do choose to send an email, I'd start out positive about your son's experience with the class he visited.  Explain why the social aspect is so important given his background.  Ask if it is possible to make that his placement despite the administrative decision. 

 

Don't go in assuming you can't change this - maybe they will be happy to accommodate.  In the rare instances when I've approached the principal, he's been willing to listen and reconsider.

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Did you receive the assignment in writing? How did he know he was in the non-split? If it was in writing, I would refer to that piece of paper. If it was verbal, was it verbal to you or to him?

They were told which classroom to go to for a little orientation with their next teacher/class. Then once they got back, he was told it had been a mistake. I thought maybe I could open with that though. "He was so excited because of xyz, and then he was told this. I just wanted to verify..."
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I think you just say it the way you've said it here. You hate being "that mom", you know your kid is not a special snowflake, you know he must get inundated with these complaints and requests, but... and say what you said.

 

I think it really sucks when adults mislead kids. I'm sure it was an honest mistake, but they told him the wrong class and made him feel settled then pulled the rug out from under him. And not only that, but they robbed him of the ability to even see what kids are in the other group. No wonder he was heartbroken! If he had been pushed into the other group to start, he might have been disappointed, but he probably wouldn't have gotten so upset and might have been able to have a good attitude about it - and that's really on them that they set him up to be angry and upset.

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I think you just say it the way you've said it here. You hate being "that mom", you know your kid is not a special snowflake, you know he must get inundated with these complaints and requests, but... and say what you said.

 

I think it really sucks when adults mislead kids. I'm sure it was an honest mistake, but they told him the wrong class and made him feel settled then pulled the rug out from under him. And not only that, but they robbed him of the ability to even see what kids are in the other group. No wonder he was heartbroken! If he had been pushed into the other group to start, he might have been disappointed, but he probably wouldn't have gotten so upset and might have been able to have a good attitude about it - and that's really on them that they set him up to be angry and upset.

Thanks for that. Reading that sounds like a big internet hug. Thanks!
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I agree that an in-person meeting would be better.  Do you have a sense of how assignments are made at this school?  We lived in one district that parents input and requests were seldom considered.  We lived in another district that almost every parent made requests, the school considered them, which left the kids whose parents didn't do so all in the same class.  It would be helpful to know what is the "norm" in the area.

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This is definitely a phone call...

 

Hi...this is Mrs. *'s mom.  First of all, I just want to let you know how much ds has enjoyed the school year.  You and your staff have been so welcoming, and we truly appreciate your help in transitioning him into a new school.  He has made many friends and has enjoyed Mr./Ms./Mrs. *'s class so much.  

 

Since we are new here, I had a few questions about placements for next year.  Ds visited (insert scenario here), but later learned he would not be in this class.   Would it be possible for us to come in and discuss/brainstorm a way for him to switch classroom assignments for next year?  

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Mr. Principal,

 

I would like to confirm which class my son will be in next year. He toured class A and was super excited that it was not the split class and that some of his good friends would be in his class. After the tour he was told that was not the case. He is very upset by this news.

 

Son has struggled in recent years due to several moves, bulling etc. We are now settled (hopefully) and this last year was the best year socially (and academically?) in a long time. He finally has a few good friends and really enjoyed school this year.

 

If possible I would prefer he not be in a split class. He has been in one before and had issues with x,y,z.

 

 

(If said email and not in person I would add "I am happy to meet with you at your convenience to discuss this issue further. Thank you for your time.)

 

 

I would also send/talk sooner rather than later. Principals generally take the summer off as well. The one I know stays on email to deal with what his wife calls "the crazies" and I know you dont want to be labeled that.

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I liked how you started with the positive story about how excited he was not to be in a split class, and to be with his buddies, the first real group of friends he's had. Then how confused and saddened he was to find that it was a mistake (I didn't like-like that part, of course). Then I think I would ask, "how can we fix this for him"

 

The obvious answer would be just put him in the class, what us one more happy kid? But maybe they will have something else for you.

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I'd start out with an email, and then call.  That way the principal will already know the situation, know you'll be calling, and everyone will be calmer.  (Including you!) 

 

I'd be honest in the email!  You have a good reason to feel the way you do.  Emphasize the fact that you just moved there in May and your ds is struggling to make friends and fit in.  

 

Oops -- I just read your last post and I'm glad the principal is open to discussing.   :)

 

 

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This actually sounds like a situation that would be better handled in person or in a phone call.  Tone is so hard to get right in writing in a situation like this.  Hugs to you and your son.

 

Agree with this. I would go in and explain that he's been to several schools in a short time and had difficulties in finding friends.

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Well.... there's no moving him, there was no wiggling there.... the straight 7 class already has 31 kids in it. All of the teachers are planning on combining the grades for different subjects. So, one teacher will teach them all science at the same time, etc. The logistics boggle my mind.

 

So, we concluded with me not getting him changed over. The principal is going to go through the class list with him today, so he at least knows who he'll be with.

 

Hopefully they'll do lots of combining AND he'll meet new friends. Maybe even better friends.

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Well.... there's no moving him, there was no wiggling there.... the straight 7 class already has 31 kids in it. All of the teachers are planning on combining the grades for different subjects. So, one teacher will teach them all science at the same time, etc. The logistics boggle my mind.

 

So, we concluded with me not getting him changed over. The principal is going to go through the class list with him today, so he at least knows who he'll be with.

 

Hopefully they'll do lots of combining AND he'll meet new friends. Maybe even better friends.

 

Sorry that it didn't turn out as you had hoped and hoping with you that the bolded will be true!

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I taught in a middle school that split the grades (7/8) for most of the classes.  It worked well.  Being in classes with kids in another grade helped many of them take their academics more seriously (so as not to look dumb in front of the older/younger kids).  I know it's not what either of you wanted, but this may turn out to be a good experience for your ds.   

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I taught in a middle school that split the grades (7/8) for most of the classes. It worked well. Being in classes with kids in another grade helped many of them take their academics more seriously (so as not to look dumb in front of the older/younger kids). I know it's not what either of you wanted, but this may turn out to be a good experience for your ds.

Oh, the reason he was so excited about not being in a split is because this is the first place we've lived with enough kids that there are classes that *aren't* split. Previously there wasn't a chance of not being in a split class, although we were always happy we only had two grades per class, as sometimes there were three!
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