MedicMom Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 (edited) A coworker is getting married tomorrow. We are friendly outside of work, and DH is a groomsman. My dilemma is that I am working a 24 hour shift today and a 24 hour shift Sunday. The wedding is at 2 pm an hour away from my home, and the reception is at 5. I will have no time with my kids tomorrow and no time to rest(plus I was up all last night with the baby). Would it be a huge huge faux pas if I skipped the wedding and just went to the reception? They've invited over 300 people so I don't think I will be missed, even if DH is in the wedding. If it makes any difference, it's a 90 minute long catholic service. I could possibly go to my grandmother's and sleep for a little bit between the wedding and the reception. But I really want to be with my kids. :( Edited June 23, 2017 by MedicMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I think that's totally fine myself. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom@shiloh Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I agree. Totally fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I thought with your schedule you were going to ask if you could skip the whole event. You can only do so much. Go to the reception, have fun, dh can give you ceremony talking points. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I'll be the dissenter--since your DH is a groomsman, your families must be fairly close. This is a singular, momentous event. That being so, I'd go to a fair amount of trouble to attend both the wedding and the reception; the only thing that I would do to lighten that commitment is leave the reception a bit early, when the ceremonial parts of it are finished. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 (edited) I'd skip it, and maybe plan to head out of the reception early. My kiddos would always come first though, so take it from that perspective. Edited June 23, 2017 by StaceyinLA 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I agree that it's fine. At the last wedding we went to, the wife of one of the groomsmen didn't attend the ceremony because of a prior commitment and no one blinked an eye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 I'll be the dissenter--since your DH is a groomsman, your families must be fairly close. This is a singular, momentous event. That being so, I'd go to a fair amount of trouble to attend both the wedding and the reception; the only thing that I would do to lighten that commitment is leave the reception a bit early, when the ceremonial parts of it are finished. DH and the groom are close. I am friendly with the groom but not close at all. I don't really know the bride. I honestly think no one but DH will even notice if I'm not at the wedding. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 DH and the groom are close. I am friendly with the groom but not close at all. I don't really know the bride. I honestly think no one but DH will even notice if I'm not at the wedding. Then skip it. They presumably know what kind of work you have. A simple "she's been working 24 hour shifts" is a perfectly good explanation if someone asks. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I think if DH is OK with it, it is fine to skip it. It's more important to go to the reception IMO if you're not close like family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Skip it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocassie Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 If your DH is fine with it, then sure just attend the reception. I don't think it would be a faux pas. When I got married, a few friends with littles just came to the reception. I thought nothing of it as the bride. Bridal parties don't really get to socialize and see people until the reception anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 DH and the groom are close. I am friendly with the groom but not close at all. I don't really know the bride. I honestly think no one but DH will even notice if I'm not at the wedding. I would do all or nothing. Showing up for the reception but not the wedding would hurt my feelings as the bride (if I noticed). Sorry. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I think it's fine to skip the ceremony. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 If the groom is a paramedic, too, (or has been) then I'm sure he'd understand your situation. Tons of people skip the ceremony part of the wedding, Catholic and otherwise, and it really isn't a big deal. The fact that your DH is in the wedding would usually mean that you'd go but I think your situation is unique. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Totally fine. I bet they won't even notice. Your reason is 100% legit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 If you were close, I'd say attend the wedding and skip the reception, because like Carol above, I personally believe that's the most important part. However, since you are not close, and it's a big wedding and all the focus will be on the bridal couple, and they perhaps won't even notice that you are not in the crowd, just go to the reception. A baby is always a great excuse when you need it. If anyone calls you out on not being at the ceremony, just say the baby slowed you down (for whatever reason). Have your dh sign the guestbook right away with both your names. I'm sorry your work load doesn't allow you more breathing room! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I see where you edited your post to say it's a long Catholic wedding. I had a Catholic wedding. One couple attended the wedding but left before the reception. I was disappointed, but didn't ask questions. I think since you don't know them well and have such demanding hours plus children it would be understandable to not come, but I would have your dh let his friend know in advance so you don't have that awkward, "where's your wife?" comment the day of the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 The bridal couple actually just stopped in where I'm working today and I mentioned that if it's a busy night I won't be at the wedding but will be at the reception to celebrate. They were understanding--the groom is a paramedic and the bride is a nurse, and they know it's my weekend on at work. I usually have three days between shifts except two weekends a month, which happens to be this one. DH says he doesn't care, but he hates weddings and is annoyed by the whole thing. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 The bridal couple actually just stopped in where I'm working today and I mentioned that if it's a busy night I won't be at the wedding but will be at the reception to celebrate. They were understanding--the groom is a paramedic and the bride is a nurse, and they know it's my weekend on at work. I usually have three days between shifts except two weekends a month, which happens to be this one. DH says he doesn't care, but he hates weddings and is annoyed by the whole thing. You let them know which is good. I'm sure they understand. Is your dh annoyed that he has to go alone or that it will take up so much of his day? lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 (edited) I would have been absolutely fine with this as a bride. And also can't imagine how they would notice in the first place, as your dh is in the wedding so you wouldn't be sitting with him anyway. ETA that I would far prefer someone go to the reception if they can only make one, because there's actually a chance of talking to them there! Edited June 23, 2017 by katilac 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Skipping the wedding is fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 You let them know which is good. I'm sure they understand. Is your dh annoyed that he has to go alone or that it will take up so much of his day? lol He's just annoyed because it's a wedding and he hates weddings. He tried very hard to figure out if he could have a proxy at ours. I do think he's a little annoyed I'm skipping it, but all he said was that he didn't care either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 FWIW, DH and I would have had absolutely no issues with this if it were our wedding. In fact, we specifically set things up so that people could even attend the reception in shifts. We had a lot of friends and family with funky schedules. We just wanted people to come as they had time/availability. If that meant only the wedding, so be it. If that meant only the reception, that was o.k. too. If that meant only coming late to the reception, fine by us. We just wanted to see our friends and family. In your situation specifically I don't see why you couldn't show up for just the reception. Goodness knows you have a 1000 things going on in your life that take all of your time and energy. Potentially wrecking your health to attend both the wedding and the reception of people you aren't terribly close to seems like a bad idea. If this were your best friend or something that would be different but it isn't. It is a friend of your husband's but not a close friend to you and a fiance that you barely know. Just go to the reception. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I would skip the wedding. You have a very good reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 DH and the groom are close. I am friendly with the groom but not close at all. I don't really know the bride. I honestly think no one but DH will even notice if I'm not at the wedding. I think you could skip it under the circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I would have been absolutely fine with this as a bride. And also can't imagine how they would notice in the first place, as your dh is in the wedding so you wouldn't be sitting with him anyway. ETA that I would far prefer someone go to the reception if they can only make one, because there's actually a chance of talking to them there! I can't imagine any bride or groom noticing the absence of an invited guest at the wedding, unless it was a very small wedding, and/or someone they were very close to. I had about 70 people at my wedding and I couldn't tell you if all the people who were at the reception were also at the wedding ceremony. Nor would I care. But to me, when it's the wedding of casual friends, if I had to choose between the ceremony and the reception, I'd pick the reception. That's where I might get to talk to the bride and groom, their parents, etc. If my kid was getting married, or the kid of a very close friend, sure, it would be very important to me to see the ceremony. But casual friends, or even just acquaintances, like the wedding of my husband's coworker recently? Really not all that important to me to witness their vows. And, the reception has per-person costs associated with it. Not so with the ceremony. Or at least, any wedding ceremony I've ever attended or heard of. People may not notice if someone isn't at the wedding, but they will notice who is not at the reception. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 I'm skipping the wedding ceremony. On top of everything else, my two year old woke up with a 103 degree fever. As soon as I picked him up from his grandma's(who watched him overnight while I worked), we went off to urgent care and got diagnosed with a double ear infection. I can't do everything and be everything in this season of my life, and I'm done apologizing for it. I will be at the evening reception tonight. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caclcoca Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 It sounds like you are doing the right thing for your family. I hope your little guy feels better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I'm skipping the wedding ceremony. On top of everything else, my two year old woke up with a 103 degree fever. As soon as I picked him up from his grandma's(who watched him overnight while I worked), we went off to urgent care and got diagnosed with a double ear infection. I can't do everything and be everything in this season of my life, and I'm done apologizing for it. I will be at the evening reception tonight. Gah. Do what you feel up to and don't worry about the rest. Hope your little guy feels better soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I'm skipping the wedding ceremony. On top of everything else, my two year old woke up with a 103 degree fever. As soon as I picked him up from his grandma's(who watched him overnight while I worked), we went off to urgent care and got diagnosed with a double ear infection. I can't do everything and be everything in this season of my life, and I'm done apologizing for it. I will be at the evening reception tonight. Ugh...poor baby. I hope he gets better quick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I'm skipping the wedding ceremony. On top of everything else, my two year old woke up with a 103 degree fever. As soon as I picked him up from his grandma's(who watched him overnight while I worked), we went off to urgent care and got diagnosed with a double ear infection. I can't do everything and be everything in this season of my life, and I'm done apologizing for it. I will be at the evening reception tonight. I would blow off the reception under the circumstances without any guilt. Do what you gotta do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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