Bridge to Terabithia rant

[MamaBearTeacher]

I read this book as an adult before I had kids.  I remember thinking that I did not feel it was a nice book for kids and maybe even tweens because of the grief.  I didn't like it.  t know that many might feel otherwise and my opinion is debatable but that is just how I felt in my heart.  

 

Now, my ten-year old has chosen it at school as a novel study.  I tried to dissuade him from it but he had already started it and he explained to me that he is committed to read it and his arguments were compelling and he seems very excited about it.  And really, should I be banning a children''s book?  He is a boy who does not like reading novels so I am glad he is excited about one finally.

 

But, I am crying right now.  He has two special needs brothers who are not well.  Grief is not abstract for him.  I want to protect him.

 

JAWM

 

[Rosie_0801]

I read this book as an adult before I had kids.  I remember thinking that I did not feel it was a nice book for kids and maybe even tweens because of the grief.  I didn't like it.  t know that many might feel otherwise and my opinion is debatable but that is just how I felt in my heart.  

 

Now, my ten-year old has chosen it at school as a novel study.  I tried to dissuade him from it but he had already started it and he explained to me that he is committed to read it and his arguments were compelling and he seems very excited about it.  And really, should I be banning a children''s book?  He is a boy who does not like reading novels so I am glad he is excited about one finally.

 

But, I am crying right now.  He has two special needs brothers who are not well.  Grief is not abstract for him.  I want to protect him.

 

JAWM

 

That's probably why he's reading it. My dd does the same.

[Catwoman]

Can you clue him in on what happens in the book so he will be able to make a more informed decision about whether or not he wants to keep reading it?

[Alicia64]

I'm feeling relieved that someone had the same reaction to the book that I had.

 

Alley

[MamaBearTeacher]

I've told him it is sad and I did not like it.  I don't think he really got it though.  I don't think he has heard a sad story in his life.  He has been very unsettled though over what he has heard about war, child poverty and prejudice.  He tends to be attracted to adventure stories and funny stories.  I think he was attracted to this book because the boy at the beginning is into competing in running.  Now, he got to the part where they introduce Terabinthia and he is finding it exciting.  I am just hoping that the dying part somehow goes over his head, that he doesn't pay much attention to it because it does not interest him.

[Butter]

I absolutely love that book.  The author wrote it to help her son get through his own grief when his best friend was struck by lightning and killed at just 8 years old.  It's not an easy book emotionally, but it is pretty real.  Terrible things happen.  Maybe it can help him with his own grief dealing with his brothers just like it helped David Paterson when he was about your son's age.

[Insertcreativenamehere]

I loved this book growing up and my son did, too, until she died. Then he wouldn't finish it. :(

[Terabith]

It's a wonderful book.  But then, that's why I chose my user name.

[ktgrok]

I'm feeling relieved that someone had the same reaction to the book that I had.

 

Alley

 

me too. That book will not come in my house. I honestly don't even remember the details,I just remember being traumatized. That and Where the Red Fern Grows. After those two I refused to read The Yearling and Old Yeller. I was over sad books. I now only read happy ending books (mainly romance and romantic suspense). 

[Mimm]

My daughter adores sad books. Her favorite books make her sob. I don't get it.

[nixpix5]

I adored this book as a child. It was one that made me want to write and spent so much time after reading it trying to write a "book" (I was in 4th). I was mesmerized as a kid how an author could draw you in and make you feel the characters were real in such a raw way.

 

With that said, you have to know you kids and what they can and can't handle. I like my kids to experience a bit of "safe" grief. I think about it as a vaccination for sadness so when they do experience it when it truly matters that they had a benign experience with it that they walked through and recovered from. Not everyone feels that way though so if you feel strongly then definitely weigh that decision and keep your finger on the pulse of how your son is handling it.

[alisoncooks]

I didn't read it until I was an adult, but I got to the end and wished I'd never read it. I've gotten to a point where there's enough real life sadness; I don't care to read imaginary sadness for entertainment. (But that's just my personal preference.)

[Carol in Cal.]

I adored this book right up until the death, which I felt was so egregious that I could hardly stand it.

Plus the writing fell apart after that.

 

I had planned to assign it, and that's why I didn't.

 

I didn't tell DD not to read it, but I didn't encourage it either.

[MrsMommy]

me too. That book will not come in my house. I honestly don't even remember the details,I just remember being traumatized. That and Where the Red Fern Grows. After those two I refused to read The Yearling and Old Yeller. I was over sad books. I now only read happy ending books (mainly romance and romantic suspense). 

 

Those are the exact four books on my never, ever, ever again list. Hate them all.

[MamaBearTeacher]

Now I feel even more like I don't want him to read it.  Is there a way I can stop him?

[happypamama]

I have actually never read it, but I think I will cross it off any lists for my kids. My oldest is especially sensitive to grief and suffering in stories. She complained at the one scene in Things Fall Apart; I didn't find it too graphic, but it upset her so much that we stopped reading it. I was all set to have her try Faust next year, even though it's maybe depressing, until I found out that there's a baby death. Nope. Not going there. Not any time in the near future.

 

I refuse to put The Giver on my kids' list, ever, because the "release" scene makes me physically ill, but after losing their own baby sibling, I'm definitely not making my kids read it.

 

For kids who have lived through the reality of grief and loss, some books like that are helpful for them so they don't feel alone in their feelings, and for others, it's too much of a mix of reality and pretend. I guess it just depends on the kid.

[SKL]

I read that book for a Children's Lit course in college (teacher program).  It was one of the most emotional kids books I'd ever read - the rare book that brought me to tears.  But I loved the book too.  I think some kids will like it despite the ending, but it's hard to say which kids.

 

I am also conflicted about that book.  My kids don't love books with sad endings either.  They also worry about losing people.  I am pretty sure we have the book around, but I'm not pushing it.

 

If one of my kids decides to read it, I will tell her it has a very very sad ending.  I won't censor it.  I'll just be there for her when she gets to the horrible part.

 

A pretty high % of the books recommended for my kids' grade level have death and loss as a key theme - sometimes as a surprise toward the end.  I don't know how to approach that.  I mean I know death is part of life, but not to the extent that it shows up in "great" kids' lit.

[lots of little ducklings]

I absolutely love that book.  The author wrote it to help her son get through his own grief when his best friend was struck by lightning and killed at just 8 years old.  It's not an easy book emotionally, but it is pretty real.  Terrible things happen.  Maybe it can help him with his own grief dealing with his brothers just like it helped David Paterson when he was about your son's age.

 

This exactly.  

 

After a traumatic experience witnessing death as a pre-teen, Bridge to Terabithia was exactly what I needed to cope.  (I'm especially thankful because this was before grief-counseling was really even a thing, so I was on my own to sort my way through it.)   It ranks up there as one of my top ten ever books, a best friend, a kindred spirit.  

 

That said, I understand the OP's concerns... my own children won't be introduced to it until I'm feel they are ready, and I'll be there alongside them to discuss it.  Death is real, though,  and the beauty of entering a story like this one is that it can shape your inner world for the good while you are still standing at a safe distance.   

[Farrar]

It's a very polarizing book.

 

I know this is meant to be a JAWM, but I would say don't take a book from a child. But it's okay to give a spoiler. Not just to say it's a "sad" book, but that it's tragic, that it involves death.

 

I think it's important to understand that we, as adults have different reactions than our kids. The things our kids need from literature is not always the things we think they need. Choosing your own books and having your choices honored is an incredibly powerful part of becoming a reader.

 

I am one who loved this book as a child.

[Tanaqui]

People vary. Some readers like the cathartic experience of sobbing their way through a book - especially if the book speaks to their own life experiences. You don't know how your son will react to this book, because he's never read a sad book. (And even if he hates it, I promise, it's not going to scar him for life.)

 

I'd tell him upfront that one of the main characters dies very suddenly and then let him decide. What I would not do is just take it away. That's not fair to him. He is old enough now to make his own choices here.

 

 

[Julie Smith]

I absolutely love that book.  The author wrote it to help her son get through his own grief when his best friend was struck by lightning and killed at just 8 years old.  It's not an easy book emotionally, but it is pretty real.  Terrible things happen.  Maybe it can help him with his own grief dealing with his brothers just like it helped David Paterson when he was about your son's age.

Thanks. I wanted to post that information, but I wasn't sure if I had the details right.

[Arctic Bunny]

me too. That book will not come in my house. I honestly don't even remember the details,I just remember being traumatized. That and Where the Red Fern Grows. After those two I refused to read The Yearling and Old Yeller. I was over sad books. I now only read happy ending books (mainly romance and romantic suspense).

DS's grade 5 English teacher chose Red Fern for the class. Thank goodness DS finished it at home one one night. I didn't know what was wrong when he came out of his room bawling! Can you imagine being in class?

[Suzanne in ABQ]

One good thing about books, as others have alluded to, is that you can put it down.  It's not a passive activity, like a movie, that just keeps coming at you unless you activity do something to stop it.  A book must be read.  I would make sure he understands that he doesn't have to finish it.  I assume this is for summer reading for school, since you (OP) say he chose it.  There are other choices, and there is a lot of time left this summer to read another of the assigned books.  Let him read it, but tell him that there is a very sad thing that happens, and you are there if he wants to talk about it.

 

Others have mentioned Where the Red Fern Grows.  I read that in sixth grade, and it was painful to read!  But, I still remember almost everything about that book.  I assigned it to my kids when they were in middle school.  My son has always been very sensitive.  I came to me crying, and wailed, "Why are you making me read this book?!"  I didn't make him finish, and I'm not sure whether he did or not.  It didn't affect my daughter nearly like that.  Later, when we were reading The Diary of Anne Frank, Ds was again deeply affected.  I didn't make him finish.

 

That being said, when my youngest dd wanted to read Bridge to Terebithia, I warned her that something sad happens.  She read it, and she cried and cried, then she finished it and read it a couple more times.  Sometimes crying is the sign of a good book.  She loves being totally swept away by a story.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I read it in 5th grade and was devastated.  Everyone I know eventually hears how utterly miserable I was after reading that book.  I read a lot of sad books that year though and it was by far the worst year of my life (horrible teacher, parental issues, new sister, best friend went to a different school) so maybe I wouldn't have been quite so affected otherwise.  DD has agreed to NEVER read it, crap I still tear up when thinking about it. 

[Elizabeth86]

I say let him read it and dont worry about it. Dh and I are the most opposite people you have ever met. When I find my kids being dh-like I have no clue what to think about it, it seems odd to me. Then dh is like yeah I see where he is coming from. Then I realize, yeah they arent just like. They are like dh or individuals.

[Mama Geek]

I read Old Yeller, watched the Bridge to Terebithia and Where the Red Fern Grows as a kid and liked them even though they were really sad.  When I was older, I liked Poe, Ambrose Bierce, Dickens etc.  And I still like certain types of dark stories now.  I remember dealing with death at a fairly young age due to great grandparents passing away and going to their funerals.  My parents divorced when I was a young teen and my relationship with my father was pretty tough.  

 

My dh doesn't like sad endings and my daughter doesn't at the age of 7 either.

 

I would let him read it and be there for him.

[wendyroo]

me too. That book will not come in my house. I honestly don't even remember the details,I just remember being traumatized. That and Where the Red Fern Grows. After those two I refused to read The Yearling and Old Yeller. I was over sad books. I now only read happy ending books (mainly romance and romantic suspense). 

 

In my opinion, Bridge to Terabithia has a happy ending.  Not a simplistic "And they all live happily every after" ending, but one full of realistic optimism and a sense that the sun will come up tomorrow.

 

In that way, I find it similar to Charlotte's Web, Where the Red Fern Grows, Romeo and Juliet, etc.  None of those end with a sense of unassuaged tragedy.  They all end on a note of acceptance, comfort and hope for the future.

 

Wendy

[Bluegoat]

He might find it sad, sure, he might also really love it.  How will he know if you won't let him read it?  Reading a sad book really doesn't traumatize people, even if they remember it for a long time. 

[Okra]

Please remember that your original post was JAWM.

That may be one reason why you are receiving more of just one side of opinions.

 

I absolutely loved Bridge to Terabithia as a child. It invoked such powerful feelings. I found it deeply moving and a powerful experience.

 

So, while I hesitated to post because of the original JAWM, I thought it might be helpful for you to have a different opinion also even if it is not jawm.

 

Your child is ALREADY reading it! Let him finish. He may not have the same experience as you.

[ktgrok]

People vary. Some readers like the cathartic experience of sobbing their way through a book - especially if the book speaks to their own life experiences. You don't know how your son will react to this book, because he's never read a sad book. (And even if he hates it, I promise, it's not going to scar him for life.)

 

I'd tell him upfront that one of the main characters dies very suddenly and then let him decide. What I would not do is just take it away. That's not fair to him. He is old enough now to make his own choices here.

 

I think that's a good way to do it. The heads up will let him make a decision, and it also lessens the impact a bit. And maybe he WILL like it...my oldest (my aspie) loved a few books I thought were way too sad. And although I HATE sad books like Bridge to Terabithia I LOVE suspense books full of serial killers and all sorts of awful things, despite being a total wuss in real life who finds the game hide and seek too suspenseful. So you never know. 

[Lady Florida.]

To this day ds 19 has not read it nor did he see the movie. A school friend of his in 4th grade was required to read it, hated it, and told ds about it. Ds said he absolutely didn't want to read it, and he stuck to that. Made it to young adulthood without ever having read it.

 

I never read it myself, but I respected ds' decision so I never assigned it to him during his homeschool years.

[ktgrok]

In my opinion, Bridge to Terabithia has a happy ending.  Not a simplistic "And they all live happily every after" ending, but one full of realistic optimism and a sense that the sun will come up tomorrow.

 

In that way, I find it similar to Charlotte's Web, Where the Red Fern Grows, Romeo and Juliet, etc.  None of those end with a sense of unassuaged tragedy.  They all end on a note of acceptance, comfort and hope for the future.

 

Wendy

 

OMG did you just say Romeo and Juliet has a happy ending? You should meet my DH, he tried to tell me Titanic had a happy ending. 

 

Remind me never to take movie or book advice from either of you, lol. 

 

We'll have to agree to disagree on these things  :lol:

[Bluegoat]

OMG did you just say Romeo and Juliet has a happy ending? You should meet my DH, he tried to tell me Titanic had a happy ending. 

 

Remind me never to take movie or book advice from either of you, lol. 

 

We'll have to agree to disagree on these things  :lol:

 

I would probably call them satisfying endings, rather than happy.  Because everything was wrong or mixed up, and you get to have a good cathartic cry, but then in some sense order is restored.

[poppy]

For people refuse to read sad books: what do you believe the purpose of literature is?

 

To the OP, this is so emotional and hard. I hope it gives you son what he needs.

[BarbecueMom]

I loved that book as a kid and saw a stage production of it in 3rd or 4th grade.

 

However, I wasn't particularly moved or upset by the ending. Out of all the tragic books I read as a kid, the only ones that really impacted me dealt with the death of a male character (and a human one, never could get into animal books). That's still the case in what I read today. Not sure why that is.

[Janeway]

If he picked it, I would let it go. 

 

I hated when they had the movie out and advertised it as a kids movie. My husband now calls it "the wrist slitter movie." I have no desire to see it.

[Lady Florida.]

For people refuse to read sad books: what do you believe the purpose of literature is?

 

To the OP, this is so emotional and hard. I hope it gives you son what he needs.

 

I don't refuse to read sad books (so this wasn't really directed at me). Ds doesn't either, but he has a hard time with specific situations. After he was told about this book he knew it was one he needed to avoid. He can't/won't read books where pets die either.

[wonderchica]

I read and loved this book when I was 9 or 10. I do remember sobbing in my grandmother's bathroom. I had a sibling who died. I found it cathartic and was not traumatized, although it was very sad.

Edited June 23, 2017 by wonderchica

[Scarlett]

I wouldn't keep my child from reading a book over sadness. Lots of life is sad.