If you were burned out when you retired from homeschooling, how long...

[marbel]

did it take you to recover and feel like doing something/anything?

 

My 2nd and last just graduated.  The high school years were very difficult here, for a variety of reasons.  For months I've been thinking about the stuff I can get done around the house finally, then figure out some sort of employment.  I need to work on some admin-type skills (Word, Excel, stuff like that) because most likely I'm destined for that type of work.  I worked for 21 years before having kids but my skills are pretty outdated.

 

Anyway, I find I can barely do anything.  I'm reading novels, hanging out here, trying to walk daily for fitness/health, and spending some (not much) time getting rid of stuff/organizing the house.  

 

I'm just... unmotivated.  So tired.  Maybe a little depressed, but I think it's more that I feel stuck.  When we started the homeschooling gig, there was never a plan for me to go back to work.  At the time, we didn't forsee a need for it, financially. Well, things change... :-)   

 

Anyway, we are not in dire straits or anything, the bills are paid, etc., and my husband is not yelling at me to GET A JOB.   I'm just feeling like... will I ever get over this feeling of burnout?

 

Any experiences to share?  I know we are all different.  

 

ETA: I had my kids late in life; I am 61.  So, not planning on a big career that requires several  years of education (though some sort of short program might be good). 

Edited June 21, 2017 by marbel

[clementine]

I'm right there with you.  Although I don't attribute mine to burnout, I just feel like I'm in a funk.  Empty nest is looming, my purpose as a teacher is done, uncertain about what to do with my time - job, volunteer, etc.

 

:bigear:  :lurk5:

[solascriptura]

It took me 6 months. I totally understand that funk you're talking about. I was there. One day after 6 months I was finally motivated to start caring for my health and made a plan for my future. I'm back in school now.

[Beth S]

Our Nest is halfway Emptied, and I'm thankful the end is in sight.

Older friends have joked that they now have time to exercise and read (and do a Women's Bible study, as Christians).

 

I have a list of things to do, esp. De-cluttering, and just catching up on my hobbies.

 

I think most friends have said that the new opportunities open up, and it's fun to be surprised by them!

 

One thing I've enjoyed is volunteering on our Library's Friends Board, which hosts large semi-annual Book Sales.

It's an easy way to meet people in the community who share my love for books . . . and it has become somewhat of a networking opportunity, as well.

 

Take a breather this summer, making small changes in your home routine & soaking up the lack of pressure!

 

Edited June 21, 2017 by Beth S

[mumto2]

The kids are living at home still so I continue to provide food and laundry service but have hours free each day. Thrilled they are at home so not complaining at that one bit. I have no real desire to do much of anything except read and my craft projects after I deal with my family's needs. I put my volunteer library job on hold last year when my mother died and feel absolutely no desire to return to the library and to have to adhere to any one else's schedule. It's all very not like me considering I have had a volunteer position of some sort most of my life and loved being busy with all of them. I am currently blaming it on years of having to make my self imposed home ed schedule work.....the pressure of it even though I didn't really consider it pressure. Home education really did consume huge portions of my time. Basically I can't think of a better explanation my current behaviour! ;)

[OneStepAtATime]

Maybe what you need is not a laundry list of things you think you are supposed to do now that you have the time, or the pressure of updating your skills so you are more marketable.  Maybe what you need is something to genuinely look forward to each day.  Something that matters to you and is fun.  The other things may be more manageable once you have something that fires you up with excitement or at least that you genuinely enjoy doing and look forward to.

 

My son pointed out to me long ago that when someone has nothing to look forward to it makes it hard to stay motivated to do the things you don't like doing.  He was right.  When I have things I am genuinely looking forward to, I am far more motivated and energetic to get the things done that I need to do but don't enjoy doing.

 

Is there any hobby you once loved but you left by the wayside?  Any interest you always wanted to pursue but never felt you had the time?  Any local volunteer job that you might genuinely enjoy?

[marbel]

Thanks everyone! So helpful.

 

I am particularly intrigued by this:

 

Maybe what you need is not a laundry list of things you think you are supposed to do now that you have the time, or the pressure of updating your skills so you are more marketable.  Maybe what you need is something to genuinely look forward to each day.  Something that matters to you and is fun.  The other things may be more manageable once you have something that fires you up with excitement or at least that you genuinely enjoy doing and look forward to.

 

<snip>

 

That is a really good point!  I will work on that!

[PrincessMommy]

I'm right there with you.  Although I don't attribute mine to burnout, I just feel like I'm in a funk.  Empty nest is looming, my purpose as a teacher is done, uncertain about what to do with my time - job, volunteer, etc.

 

:bigear:  :lurk5:

 

 

Well, it's been 6-7 yrs since I graduated my last homeschooler (I still had 2 in school).  I still don't feel like I have a handle on my purpose.    Empty nest is officially 3yrs away.  

 

to the OP.  I felt pretty burned out for about 3-4 months after school started back up again.  However, I still had kids in school and that kept me busy with their transition.  I didn't really have a lot of time to be in funk.  

 

Hugs... give yourself time.  

[scoutingmom]

You know they say, and my mom experienced it that when you retire from a "real" job, you will sleep A LOT at first and not really get stuff done like you thought you would. I can't remember how long that lasted for my mom. I think 6 months to a year. I think that is common. Maybe you just have to recoup and find a new equilibrium. Maybe don't rush it right now. My mom was assistant fire marshal when she retired. She is happy and fulfilled and has been for many years. She eventually got to some of those projects she said she was going to do. Some she just decided not to.

THANK YOU!

 

This fits my dh, who basically was forced-retired due to disability about a year ago. He sleeps a lot. Partly because he has had several night jobs, partly to stay out of our way.... but I think the above is the main thing

 

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[Guest]

I can't tell from your original post, and that is more likely my fault more than yours, whether you are burned out or a little anxious/sad at empty-nesting.

 

I had a FLAME out of my job job, and it took me a few YEARS to get over it.

But when I was changing the rhythms of my life after homeschooling, not burned out per se, but just changing the pattens, it took awhile.  It took my dh a lot longer when he retired.  He is still not in his rhythm.  

 

I TOTALLY agree with the "finding something you look forward to each day" and I will add that doing one or two of the things you had always HOPED to do when the kids were gone is a good thing to do.  But don't be surprised if you have outgrown the idea.  

 

Just give yourself some space, and find a way to give of yourself in some way, and you'll find your way.  And sleep.  Seriously.  It is incredibly important for your creativity.  

 

I've been in a circle of people who got lucky in the workforce and were able to retire earlier than expected, and I have to say that it takes a lot of chops to be able to do it well at a young age.  In 75% of the cases, I think it was a mistake.  It is hard to learn to structure a day to be meaningful and productive and reflective.  It takes time to learn to do so.  That's where sleep comes in.  It lets you process what your waking mind cannot.

 

Hang in there.

 

[Pawz4me]

You know they say, and my mom experienced it that when you retire from a "real" job, you will sleep A LOT at first and not really get stuff done like you thought you would.  I can't remember how long that lasted for my mom.  I think 6 months to a year.  I think that is common.  Maybe you just have to recoup and find a new equilibrium.  Maybe don't rush it right now. My mom was assistant fire marshal when she retired.  She is happy and fulfilled and has been for many years.  She eventually got to some of those projects she said she was going to do.  Some she just decided not to. 

 

My best friend and her DH retired when she was 47 and he was about 60. She says they slept away the entire first year.

[creekland]

FWIW, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I grow up.  My youngest graduates from college next year.  I really ought to figure it out soon...

 

I know I can continue teaching at school if I want to.  I'm just not sure I want to.  I guess it's some sort of mid-life crisis, but I am starting to feel guilty as hubby and I joke about his job being "earning the money" and mine "spending it" (since I do the family budget and pay bills, etc).  I never brought much in anyway, but adding something seemed to fill a niche.  Then I figured I'd get stuff done around the house too... but that's certainly nothing I love doing (like teaching was), so motivation has been difficult.  We've sold down our ponies considerably - only have five now - and someone might be interested in those five, so that doesn't keep me as busy as "the old days."

 

I'm really not sure what I want to do next.  Wandering the world would be nice, but that doesn't exactly pay - not the way we like to wander.

[marbel]

I can't tell from your original post, and that is more likely my fault more than yours, whether you are burned out or a little anxious/sad at empty-nesting.

 

<snip>

 

 

I am not anxious or sad about empty-nesting, though I can see why that may have come to mind from my OP.  Both kids are still home; going locally to community college. If anything, I am sad that they're not gone off to lovely 4-year schools away from home.  Hoping that happens in the next year.  :-)  

 

I snipped the post not because the rest was not useful, or because I disagreed with it.  Quite the contrary. I just wanted to address that point.  

[kroe1]

For 37 years, I have had a kid in my house. This fall, Dd17 goes off to college.

 

I already work, so at least I do not have to add financial hindrances to my plans. I had grandiose visions of becoming the greatest volunteer in the history of mankind....so,

 

I am building a she cave instead. I am taking all of my old video game systems and having them wired up to a fancy tv with a fancy sound system with a fancy remote letting me play any of them with just the touch of a button. I am putting little pipe bombs on every controller set to detonate if any children or grandchildren touch my stuff....not really. But, I am installing deterents that keep the kids from stealing HDMI cables, speakers, etc. that keep me from playing my games.

 

It is my turn to become the gamer of the house.

[TechWife]

We had hard high school years, too. It took me about six months to get over the exhausted, stressed feeling. During that time I made a schedule for myself - a limit on computer time, a goal list for de cluttering and organizing and allowing myself time to do some quilting. I worked on the goal list for a minimum of one hour per day, limited computer use to one hour per day and if I had done my hour minimum of de cluttering/organizing I allowed myself as much time as I wanted to quilt, read, meet friends for lunch, etc. After the first few months I added hospital volunteering and after six months I added a second day. Allow yourself time to both rest and adjust.

 

Close to the one year mark, I started managing my parents' finances and job hunting in order to pay for their care. Before I got too deeply into that, my father unexpectedly died and, again unexpectedly, my mother followed seven weeks later. Since then, I have been working on settling their estate. The house sold last week and I am nearly finished with those tasks. So, I find myself at odds again. I am going back to my plan of decluttering/recreation/volunteering as I figure out what the next little while may look like. Routine is my friend.

[Teacher Mom]

Well, I homeschooled for 11.5 years. The high school years were rough and we moved (military) throughout. I was so tired when it was over. Tired like I had the worse flu ever. So I slept around 12- 14 hours a day with naps throughout the day. Basically I slept when the dog slept, so I would exercise her and then siesta for both us. After about six months, I started looking around me. It helped that I live in a beautiful area and I let the silence and that beauty fill me up. I began to feel like the old me again, the pre-kid me. At almost a year out, I now have much more energy. i exercise, garden, draw, etc... but life is still kinda cushioned with me avoiding the people who would ask me everyday "so what are you going to do?"  I want to focus on my own goals, not on some level of productivity that others think I should attain.

 

I was really looking forward to the end of homeschooling and having an empty nest, so I don't view any of the above as depression. For me it was a resetting of myself -  a healing of my body and mind. I had forgotten who I was and it took me a year of silence and beauty to find my way back to me, a twenty-year-older me. I had to walk around this person, kick the tires, and check under the hood. Also, I see my husband in a new light. I discovered that I really do LIKE the guy. We have discussions, watch movies, hold hands and watch the fireflies. He was standing there the whole time but I now I appreciated him, this twenty-year-older him.

 

The only negative in all of this is that certain members of my family couldn't handle the shift to me. The old me kept everyone's interests before mine and made  lives run smoothly at the expense of a life of my own. I didn't know I was doing that until I stepped out of my old ruts. Hopefully, time will heal these tiffs.

 

I would tell you to take all the time you need. Your time table is unique. Find you again and then branch out to other people. You are going through a new birth --your own. Listen to yourself; you will know when you are ready to move on.

 

 

Edited June 22, 2017 by Teacher Mom

[RootAnn]

I wonder if you need time to de-school. Sounds like others have given you some ideas on getting the joy & verve back in your life. 

 

I'd definitely give myself 6-12 months to adapt to the new normal. (Can someone remind me about this when I get here in 10 more years?)

[Liz CA]

Nothing wrong with decompressing a little. When something stops something else does not need to start immediately. :)

If there is a community college nearby, you could get your admin skills polished up but that could wait a little unless you are gung ho right now.

If admin sounds not quite that exciting to you, you could check into shorter programs for something else.

Find something you enjoy every day; it needn't be anything "big." Reflect, take walks, soak in the tub, a plan will likely emerge.

[goldberry]

Going through the same thing, my only just graduated.  I'm trying to let things go organically instead of forcing a plan onto things (which is my usual m.o!).  I figure if I don't have a clear feeling about my purpose or what to do next, forcing it won't help the issue.  I'm definitely at least taking the summer as it comes.  Trying to feed my brain some, reading interesting things, etc. rather than just vegging.  Hoping that at long as I keep the stimulous coming something will click.

 

Good luck! You're not alone!

Edited June 22, 2017 by goldberry

[marbel]

We had hard high school years, too. It took me about six months to get over the exhausted, stressed feeling. During that time I made a schedule for myself - a limit on computer time, a goal list for de cluttering and organizing and allowing myself time to do some quilting. I worked on the goal list for a minimum of one hour per day, limited computer use to one hour per day and if I had done my hour minimum of de cluttering/organizing I allowed myself as much time as I wanted to quilt, read, meet friends for lunch, etc. After the first few months I added hospital volunteering and after six months I added a second day. Allow yourself time to both rest and adjust.

 

Close to the one year mark, I started managing my parents' finances and job hunting in order to pay for their care. Before I got too deeply into that, my father unexpectedly died and, again unexpectedly, my mother followed seven weeks later. Since then, I have been working on settling their estate. The house sold last week and I am nearly finished with those tasks. So, I find myself at odds again. I am going back to my plan of decluttering/recreation/volunteering as I figure out what the next little while may look like. Routine is my friend.

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

(this needed more than a like)

[marbel]

<snip>

 

 Also, I see my husband in a new light. I discovered that I really do LIKE the guy. We have discussions, watch movies, hold hands and watch the fireflies. He was standing there the whole time but I now I appreciated him, this twenty-year-older him.

 

<snip>

 

Oh yes.  I have been feeling like my husband and I don't really know each other anymore.  We are not totally disconnected, but now that my thoughts and activities are not centered on homeschooling, I feel like I have nothing to talk about.  One of the things I need to do is take time each day to read the paper - we get the Wall Street Journal and everyone but me reads it!   Having some topics of conversation beyond my struggles with one or the other kid will help. 

 

You all have given me some great ideas.  It's helpful.  

 

Today my daughter and I went on a long walk at a park, then to a lavender farm.  It was a nice time and  SO NICE not to talk about school stuff.  

 

This thread is a good antidote to the messages I'm getting from some of the people around me.  Last night I ran into an old acquaintance and we got caught up on each other's lives a bit.  She asked - as so many others have - "now that you're done  homeschooling, what's next?"  I just said "it's too soon to answer that question" and changed the subject.    :lol:   

Edited June 22, 2017 by marbel

[StaceyinLA]

Honestly I missed home schooling. I'm thankful that now I get to help a little with home schooling my grandkids. I get the older ones once/week and do all the stuff my dds don't really have time to add in (like all the crafty, messy projects, lapbooks, etc.). It's really fun.

 

I've been considering finding a part-time job just to have more disposable money for extra travel and stuff, but I just haven't been able to make myself do it. I do Disney travel planning, and it's a decent income, but it definitely comes in spurts!

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I'm one year past the end of my 16 year career as a homeschooler.  My youngest, our late-in-life delight, went into school last fall in 6th grade.  Much earlier than her older siblings had.  

 

I spent a lot of time by myself, which I hadn't ever done in my life.  That was different.  I wasted many hours online.  Well, I don't regret most of those hours, so they weren't wasted.  They just weren't very productive.  But, I don't do so much of that anymore.  

 

I did a couple major projects  on the house last fall.  They weren't nice little remodeling things.  They absolutely had to be done.  I built a railing on our large deck (our old one was literally crumbling and was extremely unsafe).  Then, I tiled the hallway downstairs.  Our elderly cat had turned the carpet into a little box, and it was disgusting.  Both jobs were physically hard, and required skills I had to learn on the job.  But, I did a good job and I saved our family thousands of dollars.  That felt good.  More recently, I painted a room.  I've taken up crocheting jelly fish.  I've made dozens of them and given them all away.  I'm still not sure what that was about.  LOL.

 

I did foray into working last year.  My friend, a fellow previous homeschooler, had started an entrepreneurial endeavor  (STEM classes and activities for kids), and she had enlisted me and a few other homeschool moms in the start of her business.  While i liked the idea of putting my homeschooling and engineering into a professional setting, and I enjoyed working with them when I was with them, I started dreading her e-mails.  It just seemed like drudgery.  I didn't want to teach other people's kids.  I was through with teaching.  I wanted to go in a different direction.  I'm still trying to figure out what that direction will be.  Who knows, I might end up working with them again.  But, I'm not ready yet.  

 

So, I'm right there with you.  I think we may have an exchange student live with us this coming school year.  We have two in college, one far away and one in our city (who will be living near campus).  We have a 7th grader at home, attending a private school.  And, maybe a new family member.  I probably should be making some money, but I'm not sure what I will do.  Time will tell.