Our cat doesn't like the 3 year old. What to do?

[pinkmint]

So the Mama cat in our house has been here almost 2 months. She's raising 5 delightful kittens and we haven't seen a rat since we got her which is an answered prayer. We've hoped she would warm up to our 3 year old and it doesn't seem to be happening. 

 

She hisses at him all the time. She bats at him too. Not in a friendly way. She's not swiping or attacking him but she clearly does not like him. He gets upset and then gets over it and goes to pet her because he wants her to like him and she just doesn't. He's not pulling her tail or being rude or anything. In fact he's very docile with her because he's scared to upset her. 

 

At this point we've considered finding a new home for her and keeping 2 kittens instead. It's sad and I hope it doesn't come to that. Plus we'll have to tell people she doesn't seem to like little kids. That is not going to help her prospects. We don't know her backstory at all except what the shelter told me, that she came in as a stray. I can believe it because she's not affectionate, she relentlessly tries to get people-food even if she has fancy feast in her bowl and she's a good hunter. 

 

Part of me wonders if being a new nursing mom is affecting her behavior too. We only knew her for 3 days before she gave birth. Maybe she will be different when she's not nursing a litter? I don't know how much of a chance to give her if she keeps being like this to the 3 year old. 

 

Any thoughts appreciated. 

[zoobie]

He needs to stay away from her. Don't try to pet a hissing cat. Let her have some space and see what happens. As long as she's not randomly attacking him, I wouldn't make decisions yet.

 

She may not like small children. They make unpredictable movements and make some animals nervous. The three year old won't be three forever. You could keep her AND two kittens to entertain each other. If she's still not happy after she weans the kittens, she might do better off in a home with older kids or only adults.

[Starr]

Ahhh, I"m sorry. We have a cat that decided she doesn't like visitors, especially teen boys but she wants to be around them. The only thing that works is for them to completely ignore her. That's hard for a three year old. I like the idea of keeping the kittens, maybe two kittens and the mama?? :D

[Selkie]

I would also suggest keeping the mama and two kittens. Since she is a good rat catcher, I wouldn't want to give her up because you don't know if the kittens will turn out to be good hunters. (We have five cats and some of them are excellent mousers, some of them just like to play with the mice, and some of them completely ignore mice.  :rolleyes: ).

 

Plus, didn't you say you got her from a shelter with a high kill rate? If she gets sent back, her chances of being adopted are probably low.

 

I would keep her and tell your little one that he can play with the two kittens but needs to leave mama cat alone.  

[applethyme]

We have had cats for years, some are better with the kids than others.  One cat did not like the children as toddlers but once the kids hit about 4 years old and could feed the cat, they became best friends.  I would work to keep the toddler and cat seperated and see what progresses as the mama cat weans. 

[Scarlett]

I agree with everyone else.  Keep mama because she kills mice/rats.  That is worth a lot.  A LOT!!  Keep 2 kittens for the 3 year old.  He just needs to leave mama cat a lone for now, and maybe forever.

 

My mom had a persian who seemed really mean.....but I think he was just a big scaredy cat.  (ha pun-funny) But he would reach out and slap at people just walking past him!  And that was people he knew...if strangers came to the house he hid under the bed. 

 

Some cats are just like that. 

[Cindy in FL.]

I hesitate to give advice because three of mine wanted to get rid of their youngest brother because he was allergic to a dog my dh had adopted from the pound. Yep, they would have picked a dog they just met over their brother. Nice!

Edited June 21, 2017 by Cindy in FL.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Our female cat did not like my younger kid for many years.  Now she will even sit on his lap.  He did nothing mean or obnoxious towards her, but he didn't sit still and I think all the jerky unpredictable movements that are typical with little kids scared her. 

 

I'd say so long as she is not attacking him there really isn't a problem per se. 

 

 

[Scarlett]

I hesitate to give advice because three of mine wanted to get rid of their youngest brother because he was allergic to a dog my dh had adopted from the pound. Yep, they would have picked a dog they just met over their brother. Nice!

:lol: 

 

That is funny.

[pinkmint]

Yes he's loud and jumpy, spastic at times. He's a screamer too. The cat starts growling when he gets carried away with the screaming.

 

It's true he won't be 3 forever and her value as a rodent hunter is great.

[heartlikealion]

My cat and toddler don't get along very well. I think it's the age. Toddlers are unpredictable as mentioned above. Dd will get too close or make a sudden noise, etc. The cat sometimes will nip or scratch or just retreat. I prefer dd to not approach the cat. The cat can be rude sometimes and sit in the pathway making dd nervous to walk past. The cat won't get out of our way sometimes but I'm less nervous about walking by her.

 

My cat gets jealous of the toddler and vice versa Lol. Maybe that is also an element in your home. My cat never used to hiss at me but she does more lately. I think she's super defensive and the slightest thing will set her off, like I moved my arm she was lying on and she got mad at me. I guess she thought I was going to hurt her? I don't find it hard to believe a cat would hiss at a toddler.

[SparklyUnicorn]

My other cat though?!  OMG he was obviously handled roughly by children right off the bat (got him at a shelter) because he is so docile no matter what you do to him.  He actually likes rough and tumble play with my kids.  It's comical.  He never scratches or bites them either.  If they pick him up he completely relaxes and lets them do whatever with him.  Yet if I pick him up he wants to get down quickly.  It is like he has learned resistance with kids is futile.  LOL 

[happi duck]

Ime, cats just like who they like.

 

We took in a pregnant stray and two of her kittens. The siblings were buddies and once they were weaned the mama did her own thing.

 

I agree with others to keep mama and two kittens.

[trulycrabby]

Do you plan on getting her spayed? If so, she should settle down a lot. I think she is being aggressive because she just gave birth.

[catz]

Do you plan on getting her spayed? If so, she should settle down a lot. I think she is being aggressive because she just gave birth.

:iagree: I bet this will be a completely different cat in 6-12 months with some patience.  I'd plan on keeping kittens to take a little more "love" and let momma have her space.  She'll come around. 

 

ETA - I was also going to say when my kids were younger at one point we had younger and older cats.  My kids knew they could mess with the younger cats and the king had to have personal space and you'd be getting love and playing with him on his terms. 

Edited June 21, 2017 by WoolySocks

[gingersmom]

I adopted an adult cat when my daughter was around 5/6. The shelter lied about the cats age (and admitted so when I returned the cat)

 

My daughter kept telling me the cat was attacking her. Which was odd because she had been around cats/dogs since birth. She's 21 and we still call her the cat whisperer, cats love her. Except for this cat.

 

I hid in her closet and watched as she sat on her bed reading a book. Out of nowhere cat came and attacked her.

 

We gave back that cat, got another one from a different shelter and lived happily ever after :)

[Mergath]

Most cats don't like most toddlers. Heck, a lot of pets don't like toddlers. They're loud and unpredictable. And after only two months and with a litter of kittens, I would honestly be shocked if she did let your toddler pet her.

 

We fostered a pregnant stray with a litter of kittens and yes, they do seem more defensive while they have little kittens to take care of. She'll calm down once she's spayed and when the kittens are a little older. I wouldn't make any decisions until after that point. In the meantime, do your best to keep your toddler away from her and remind him not to scream when she's in the room.

Edited June 21, 2017 by Mergath

[happi duck]

Mama cats are awesome and focused on their kittens.

 

When we had our mama and kittens people were stopping by to see them.

 

One friend thought bringing her dog was a good idea. I opened the door, the dog ran in and mama cat had the dog out (minus some fur) in just moments.

 

Another friend was cuddling a kitten and after a few minutes mama cat hopped up on the couch and took her kitten back. "That's long enough."

 

Fond memories.

[TravelingChris]

None of our cats liked toddlers. Some of them tolerated them better but none really liked them. Most animals don't like toddlers though some do tolerate them. Keep toddler away from Mama Cat.

[Pawz4me]

You haven't had Mama Cat for too long, right?

 

And she's had a litter of kittens.

 

I'm guessing she's still in normal mama don't-mess-with-my-babies mode.

 

On top of adjusting to a new home with a small human who moves a lot and erratically and screams.

 

Mama Cat has had a LOT to adjust to in a relatively short amount of time. I wouldn't assume what you're seeing right now is her normal behavior. I'd get the kittens onto solid food when they're old enough (if they're not already), get Mama spayed and then give her a few weeks. You might "see" a totally different cat. Or you might not. But I'd give her a chance.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Most cats don't like most toddlers. Heck, a lot of pets don't like toddlers. They're loud and unpredictable. And after only two months and with a litter of kittens, I would honestly be shocked if she did let your toddler pet her.

 

We fostered a pregnant stray with a litter of kittens and yes, they do seem more defensive while they have little kittens to take care of. She'll calm down once she's spayed and when the kittens are a little older. I wouldn't make any decisions until after that point. In the meantime, do your best to keep your toddler away from her and remind him not to scream when she's in the room.

 

A lot of humans don't like toddlers!

[SparklyUnicorn]

double post

Edited June 21, 2017 by SparklyUnicorn

[Reefgazer]

You must teach your youngster to stay away from the cat.  Easier said than done, I know.

[Guest]

A lot of humans don't like toddlers!

Seriously.

Keep the cat. Spay her. And get rid of...um, let the toddler grow up.

[Lanny]

We have dogs and we have cats.   I suggest that you rehome that cat, before she does some serious damage to your child.  You cannot make a cat like you. They select their people. They may not select any people.  A 3 year old child should be protected.

[Remudamom]

I have a cat the grand babies refer to as grumpy cat.  She hates kids.  I tell them to leave her alone and find another cat to pet.  Not hard to do at my house.

 

[Scarlett]

We have dogs and we have cats. I suggest that you rehome that cat, before she does some serious damage to your child. You cannot make a cat like you. They select their people. They may not select any people. A 3 year old child should be protected.

Yes toddlers should be protected from mice. Keep the cat.

[pinkmint]

Yes toddlers should be protected from mice. Keep the cat.

Actually rats. Big fat disease carrying rats.

[barnwife]

My sister's old cat was a jerk. A complete and total jerk. The only person he liked was her. Thankfully, he usually just hid when they had company.

Visitors were clearly warned to ignore that cat. Those who didn't listen did so at their own peril. 

The kids learned to do the same. 

Keep the cat. A rat-catching cat is a wonderful thing if you need it. 

[Paige]

My cat never liked small kids. She tolerated them with little grace when they were younger but I would never have considered getting rid of her. She was not a threat and she was my first baby. She didn't attack them but if bothered she would warn and I taught the kids to leave her alone. She did not hurt them much but might give a warning nip or put a paw out. She didn't intend to bite but you could get scraped if you jerked away while she was warning. Eventually they learned to not pull back but to hold still and then walk away. When the kids got older, she was fine with them. She was pretty good with kids at about aged 7 or so and would even seek them out for attention when they were closer to 10. 

 

IMO, it's ok for little kids to learn that not everyone/ every animal is going to like them. They are not emotionally scarred. When the kids were a little older- 11,8, and 5 we got some kittens that loved them and we had dogs that would play with them. 

Edited June 22, 2017 by Paige

[Scarlett]

Actually rats. Big fat disease carrying rats.

Well there ya go. Very valuable. Keep her. Tell the toddler to leave her alone.

[pinkmint]

Thanks everyone. I think it's best to keep her. The cat is not dangerous just... a cat I suppose. I feel like hissing at the 3 yo sometimes. Lol.

[zoobie]

Well there ya go. Very valuable. Keep her. Tell the toddler to leave her alone.

Absofreakinglutely! Keep her and two kittens for the kids. They might grow up to also dislike toddlers, fair warning. :lol:

[Tanaqui]

Most cats do not like very small children - and her being a nursing mama is not going to help.

 

Your three year old is old enough to understand, after much repetition, that it's not nice to bother animals who don't like him. (He may even be old enough to learn that if he sits very, very still, he might be lucky enough to gain the trust of an animal that previously disliked him! But I've only known a very few children under the age of six who could manage that lesson, and, to be honest, there are many children under ten or twelve who don't seem to be able to learn it, or at least to generalize it to all situations with animals.) You're going to have to be on top of him until he does learn, though - because we want him to learn it by you redirecting him, not by Mama scratching!

 

Get her spayed as soon as you can - Mama usually starts weaning in earnest between eight and twelve weeks, so that's the time to do it - and get her a private space she can go that your toddler can't. This can be a room blocked off with a babygate, or a cat tree with a high-up nook for her to hide in. Wherever she eats, make sure your kid leaves her alone during meal times (it's okay to give her two or three set meals a day, just like the humans, instead of free-feeding). Definitely do not let your toddler have unsupervised time with the kittens - not only will that not help matters, but it is very easy for small people to accidentally harm baby animals. (I'm sure you know that last one, but just in case...!)

 

If you can't manage to get her a chill zone, where she can be unharassed by rampaging youngsters, then I'd consider rehoming her after she's spayed. However, if you can, then that's probably unnecessary. Sounds to me like thus far she's managed to avoid either scratching or biting, which looks like a good sign.

[Guest]

Well, the world has changed.   Bear that in mind.  

 

When I was little my parents had a hateful cat.  Beautiful but hateful. It would chase me, scratch me, hunt me down.  It wasn't a matter of telling the toddler to stay away from the cat.  The cat hunted me.

 

The cat had to go.  And it did.  And FOR ME that was a message of love FOR ME.

 

I still like cats.  I'm still allergic to them, alas.  But that was a mean cat and my mom chose me over it and I don't fault her one bit and anyone who does should just stick a cork in it.  OK?

 

[Tanaqui]

Patty Joanna, I think all of us would agree that if this cat is actively attacking the child, with no provocation, then the cat will need to be rehomed.

 

But it sounds like the cat is minding her own business until the little kid shows up, and then telling him to buzz off. That situation might be solvable without rehoming.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Well, the world has changed. Bear that in mind.

 

When I was little my parents had a hateful cat. Beautiful but hateful. It would chase me, scratch me, hunt me down. It wasn't a matter of telling the toddler to stay away from the cat. The cat hunted me.

 

The cat had to go. And it did. And FOR ME that was a message of love FOR ME.

 

I still like cats. I'm still allergic to them, alas. But that was a mean cat and my mom chose me over it and I don't fault her one bit and anyone who does should just stick a cork in it. OK?

I absolutely agree if the cat is hunting and attacking a child the cat should go. I don't think that is what is happening in the OP's situation?

[Guest]

Patty Joanna, I think all of us would agree that if this cat is actively attacking the child, with no provocation, then the cat will need to be rehomed.

 

But it sounds like the cat is minding her own business until the little kid shows up, and then telling him to buzz off. That situation might be solvable without rehoming.

 

Who knows?  It was very possible that I stuck my tongue out at the cat.  I was three.  

 

I'm sounding a lot more outraged by this than I mean to.  Really.  It's just that there is a lot of room for a lot of options and the one my family chose hadn't been mentioned.  

 

:0)

[Liz CA]

Yes he's loud and jumpy, spastic at times. He's a screamer too. The cat starts growling when he gets carried away with the screaming.

 

It's true he won't be 3 forever and her value as a rodent hunter is great.

 

Some cats seem to take quite a while to warm up to people in general, maybe she is a little protective of her babies right now?

Is there an option to have mama cat be an outside cat only once all kittens are grown?

 

[Carrie12345]

Everything's pretty much already been said.  I agree that Mama kitty's behavior isn't surprising, given that she's recently been sprung from the shelter, given birth, and is dealing with babies.  She might warm up.  Of course, she might not, but you can't know yet.

 

I would be teaching the 3yo to stay away, just like you do from anything else he's not supposed to be doing.  If she's "only" hissing, and batting once in a while, she's really just warning him.  If he "forgets" every now and then, she'll probably continue to warn.  But, if it's a frequent "let's try this again", yeah, she very well may decide he's had enough warnings!

 

The cats we've had have been good with kids, to the point that two of them allowed toddlers to use them as pillows.  But even they would get fed up once in a while. I always figured that, if the cats ever scratched them, the kids would learn to back off.  Or that, if the cats felt threatened, they'd get up and leave because, duh, they're faster and more agile.  Yeah... no.  Try to keep the little man away from Mama kitty!

[applethyme]

Yes he's loud and jumpy, spastic at times. He's a screamer too. The cat starts growling when he gets carried away with the screaming.

 

It's true he won't be 3 forever and her value as a rodent hunter is great.

My calico cat doesn't like when the kids jump and scream.  She growls twice in warning before taking a swipe at the kids.  She has been doing this since they were toddlers and are now 9 and 10 and it still happens just with less frequency.  She will also pick a time when she thinks they need to go to bed and will lay on them, and growl when they move, until they fall asleep.  Honestly, its kind of nice not being the perpetual bad guy saying "quit running in the house, quit screaming"  all I have to do is point out that the cat is not happy.  Despite all of this, the kids love her and so do we.

[zoobie]

Who knows? It was very possible that I stuck my tongue out at the cat. I was three.

 

I'm sounding a lot more outraged by this than I mean to. Really. It's just that there is a lot of room for a lot of options and the one my family chose hadn't been mentioned.

 

:0)

Did y'all have rats?

[Mergath]

The cats we've had have been good with kids, to the point that two of them allowed toddlers to use them as pillows.  But even they would get fed up once in a while. I always figured that, if the cats ever scratched them, the kids would learn to back off.  Or that, if the cats felt threatened, they'd get up and leave because, duh, they're faster and more agile.  Yeah... no.  Try to keep the little man away from Mama kitty!

 

My older cat was very patient when dd was little, but even she had her limits. I'd reach a point sometimes where I figured dd had enough warnings about pulling kitty's tail, and that the cat might be a more effective teacher. She never used her claws on dd, but even being whumped on the head with a soft paw got the message across that enough was enough. It didn't take long for dd to learn to be more gentle. ;)

 

[Guest]

Did y'all have rats?

 

Did you ever see the movie Babe?  That cat in that show was the personality of our cat.  Our cat was prettier.  But I don't know about rats or ratting.  I understand that cats have a use beyond looking beautiful (see Babe reference)...and any *other* solution for getting rid of rats is not that child friendly, either.  

 

To be fair, my mom had enough to deal with me given the health issues and problems I had, and adding in keeping the cat and me apart probably would have sent her over the edge.  (Hmmm.  Now I do wonder if we had rats...probably--it was a place in the country with a lot of fields around it...)

 

:0)