choosing between outside activities/sports

[caedmyn]

How do you choose which extracurricular activities your kids participate in?  I always swore we'd do no more than one activity at a time, and up until a few months ago the only thing we ever did was one 6-week session of weekly swim lessons a year, and a weekly youth fellowship group for DD11 that meets October through March.  Three months ago DD11 and DS3 started jui jitsu 2 afternoons a week.  They both really like it.  I was hoping it would help them focus better but so far I haven't noticed any changes there  DD has wanted riding lessons for years, and I finally found an instructor who doesn't charge an arm and a leg, so she started riding lessons (once a week) this week. They will go until probably the end of September when the weather starts getting too bad to ride outdoors.  Then I found a running club for the two of them that meets a couple of evenings a week.  DS8 has ADHD and sensory issues and endless energy and I think the running club (and incentive to practice and burn off energy other days!) will be great for him.  This goes all summer, takes a break for September, and then goes October through mid-winter.  On top of this we have speech therapy for the 4 YO.  I really don't want to do this many activities, but I don't know what to drop.  They're all good activities but I can only handle getting 5 kids ready to go so often, and we've been spending so much time in the car that the baby is throwing fits every time I put him in the carseat.  Plus the late afternoon/evening activities are pushing dinner back into the younger two's bedtime, which isn't working out very well.  And I want to have time this summer to just relax and take the kids to the pool, and right now it seems like we have something scheduled almost every weekday.

Edited June 21, 2017 by caedmyn

[maize]

Activities follow a sort of tidal rhythm around here--we ramp up like you are doing right now, run like crazy for a bit, then dial back to a slower pace...then gradually ramp up again.

 

Sometimes you have to try a lot of different things to figure out which ones are going to stick for a time and be more blessing than burden to the family.

Edited June 21, 2017 by maize

[J-rap]

You are busy!  It gets easier as they get a little older and focus more on just one or two that they particularly like and want to get good at.

[IsabelC]

Our kids have to do some form of regular exercise, which can be done independently or in the form of an organized sport. And they have to learn music. Other than that, it's just worked out based on what they enjoy, what we can afford (in terms of both time and money), what we believe they can cope with, and what we think is likely to be of benefit to them. At the moment our schedule is busy: we have regular activities every day of the week except Sundays. But we review each child's program with them at the end of every school term, and make any adjustments for the following term. I hear you about not wanting to drop anything when you have a bunch of activities that are all very worthwhile and/or enjoyed by your kids, but in the end we just have to make some choices. My 12yo daughter recently dropped her weekly drama class because there wasn't room for it alongside her two Girl Guides groups, horse riding lessons, and 3 sessions of swim training per week. I figure they can always take up a class or whatever again later on if they regret dropping it. The other thing to bear in mind if you have to limit a lot right now, is that your kids will become more independent (they won't stay little forever lol). Mine are now at the stage where they can get themselves to some activities by walking, biking, or catching a bus, which helps hugely with the logistics!

Edited June 21, 2017 by IsabelC

[fralala]

That would definitely overwhelm me! But my tolerance for having to adhere to a schedule is on the very, very low end.

 

I find that we need to have nothing on our schedule outside the home at least 4 days a week in order for me to feel good and stay healthy. That includes the weekend. And that's for when I constantly have to keep a baby, toddler, and/or preschooler entertained during the big kids' activities.

 

This is REALLY different for everybody; I often show up for our single weekly homeschool class with the kids and everybody else is talking about all the classes and field trips they've been doing that day and that week, and it is easy to go down the road of worrying my kids might be missing out. And of course they are, but you can never do everything, so really, everybody is missing out.

 

In any case, I just personally am most relaxed and happiest if we do not always have to be on a schedule of getting to outside stuff. We do stuff. But it can be more spontaneous, it can be on our own schedule. When we stick to an activity, it's often a lot to do with how good the teacher is, or how well-organized the activity, or whether it seems to inspire friendships and connections between the kids participating. And I winnow, winnow, winnow if it's anything I can do myself (hey, I'm a homeschooler!) or they can do it themselves informally and enjoy themselves. (For instance, I can't teach swimming, but I can shoot hoops with my kids, so for now we're going to all do swimming lessons, but not basketball.)

[wendyroo]

I look for three things in an activity: 1) conveniently fits into our daily routine, 2) includes as many of my kiddos as possible and 3) is close to home.

 

Starting in September, we will be doing (all once a week):

- Speech therapy, between morning school time and lunch, my three youngest kids all participate, 10 minutes away

- Swim lessons, between morning school time and lunch, all my kids participate, 10 minutes away

- Spanish Immersion class, between morning school time and lunch, my three oldest kids all participate, 15 minutes away

- Art class, between morning school time and lunch, my two older boys participate, 5 minute drive or 20 minute walk away

- Homeschool gym, right after an early lunch, my three oldest kids all participate, 10 minutes away

- Parkour, between rest time and dinner, my three oldest kids all participate, 10 minutes away

 

For some this would be overwhelming, but the structure actually helps my kiddos.  Almost every day, we get up, do school for a couple hours, go somewhere for a couple hours, come home for lunch and then have rest time.

 

Wendy

 

[Bluegoat]

I think it's important to remember that there will often be many different opportunities that would be great - you will have to weed things out.

 

There are so many things for us that I consider:

 

Can I combine kids in this

How far from home

How convenient is the timing

Cost

If the child gets into this activity, how will that look long term?  Is it likely to become prohibitively expensive or be bad for their health?  How much pressure would there be to reach higher levels?

Is this an activity they might be able to pursue recreationally as adults?

Is it meant to be an activity they do for a term or year and then do something else?

Is it something that really requires a class?

 

The more synergies I can create, the better.

 

So for us, we do swimming lessons only in summer, when it is free at the lake.  It's 5 min from home, it gets us outside every morning for a few weeks in our short summer, all the kids are in a class.  I think learning to swim is important, but I don't like it, and it's free. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SKL]

With so many kids at different ages, that would be hard.  Do you have any other adults who can help you get them back and forth?

 

For my family, when the kids were little, I put them in things they could do together that were generally good for health etc.  It was my choice.  Around age 9 I identified one "sport" [non-competitive in our case] that was most important to each person (including me).  Besides that one "thing," they can do school extracurriculars if they want.  I do require some exercise every day and at least one musical instrument.  And scouts.  And we do one-offs such as a 5K here or there.  But I try not to commit to too many things that require me to be in a certain place at a certain time.

 

Not sure whether it's chance or by subtle design, but our non-school activities are mostly flexible as far as when we go.  Horse riding is scheduled at our convenience.  TKD, you show up at whatever classes work for you.  One kid's gymnastics and school sports do have set schedules, but it helps that the rest can work around those.

 

As the kids get older (mine are 10), they can get themselves from point A to point B within a couple miles' distance.  That provides more flexibility for them and for me.  I find that coaches etc. are accepting of this as long as I tell them in advance that they have my permission.

[Momto4inSoCal]

I try and cram all of our activities into 3 days a week. That way I have weekends and 2 school days free. Right now my kids are in a stem Class (younger dd wants to be an engineer), dance, karate and art. I basically let each kid pick an activity. I've found I need 2 school days where we stay home the entire day in order to stay on top of school so as long as the activities allow that I am fine with them.

[coastalfam]

I think, especially for homeschoolers who are pretty great about spending family time and recreating together, we don't have the same issues of "over commitment as kids who go to school all day and have homework, so extra curricular activities can be enjoyed as much as the mommy taxi driver can take it. :) Our activity schedule has periods of intense time commitment (for me, not them), and then time off. I personally prefer sports with seasons to ongoing lessons. It ebbs and flows, and while it can feel crazy at times (again, for me, not them) it is a joy to see them engaged and exploring avenues of keeping their bodies healthy, and enjoying new activities. I am learning to ride the waves. I have decked out my minivan with activities for kids who are waiting, we always make it a family event to go watch the kids play games or do races, my husband always tries to help with coaching teams. It's kind of like when you first acclimate to homeschooling, you find all your tips and tricks and your sweet spot for making it work, and suddenly, it's a lifestyle. For on going lessons, you can always take a two months on, one month off type approach to give yourself the benefit of down time. :)

 

ETA: Thought I should add, this isn't to say I never say "no" or decide to pair down on something that is tipping us over the edge of what is doable for us. And I also try my best to encourage my two youngest to participate in the same sports activities. My oldest has different needs, and is always involved in something completely separate, so we have to strike a balance. I think we moms need to consider our personal activity threshold, and that's okay, too.

Edited June 21, 2017 by coastalfam

[caedmyn]

I really should just have them drop jui jitsu for the rest of the summer and start it back up in the fall.  By then DS4 will (hopefully) be done with speech therapy, there'll be a break from running club for a bit, and riding lessons will be almost over.  Then if DH would be willing to help chauffeur them to running club, everything would seem a lot more do-able.  But I think I will see if anyone lives in the same area as we do for jui jitsu and running club and would be willing to carpool before I decide about dropping something.  We live 20-25 minutes from everything, so driving time is definitely a factor.

[2_girls_mommy]

A lot of homeschooling must be very scheduled to get to our activities on time too. But I consider many of the activities part of our school, so it is worth it to me most of the time. We do running somewhere almost every day between church and the different activities. As the kids have gotten older and I have gotten more organized it isn't such a big deal. Almost every homeschooler I know runs around like this once the older kids hit a certain age.  We spend a few hours a day in dedicated focused schooling, doing less projects at home than we used to as a lot of the hands on stuff is now covered in outside classes. (camps, co-op, sports, music lessons, church activities, scouts, etc.) 

 

Keeping the housework maintained and the school stuff organized makes a world of difference too. I feel totally stressed if everyone is hungry and tired and I have no plan and I go home to laundry everywhere, etc. As it is, I do come home to toys on the floor. I rarely have time to pick up the toddler's morning mess since I am busy homeschooling the kids then getting food and supplies ready, but since I have a pretty good routine about everything else, we just all do a quick pick up in the evenings to take care of that. I spend my summers decluttering areas around the house and try to keep it maintained throughout the year.  We have lived here my whole marriage (almost 20 years) and have accumulated a lot of stuff. So each summer I work on a particular area, and once it is decluttered it stays that way, one shelf at a time, except the kids' rooms. They need constant work. I do them more regularly.

 

I have a morning cleaning/laundry routine that I start as soon as I get up that keeps the house maintained. I plan menus and do predinner work before I leave if necessary and take snacks and drinks when we go places. I have tubs of toys in the back of the car for getting out at certain activities for the toddler. I have her backpack packed with spare clothes, blankets, small color books, etc. that stays in the car. I keep wipes and trash bags in the car for emergencies and sunblock and bug spray, etc to try to keep on top of things that could come up while out.  

 

As I have gotten better about the above kind of stuff, the out of the house goes a lot more smoothly than when we first started all of the running around and I felt like a chicken with my head cut off. :) 

[Ellie]

How do you choose which extracurricular activities your kids participate in?  I always swore we'd do no more than one activity at a time, and up until a few months ago the only thing we ever did was one 6-week session of weekly swim lessons a year, and a weekly youth fellowship group for DD11 that meets October through March.  Three months ago DD11 and DS3 started jui jitsu 2 afternoons a week.  They both really like it.  I was hoping it would help them focus better but so far I haven't noticed any changes there  DD has wanted riding lessons for years, and I finally found an instructor who doesn't charge an arm and a leg, so she started riding lessons (once a week) this week. They will go until probably the end of September when the weather starts getting too bad to ride outdoors.  Then I found a running club for the two of them that meets a couple of evenings a week.  DS8 has ADHD and sensory issues and endless energy and I think the running club (and incentive to practice and burn off energy other days!) will be great for him.  This goes all summer, takes a break for September, and then goes October through mid-winter.  On top of this we have speech therapy for the 4 YO.  I really don't want to do this many activities, but I don't know what to drop.  They're all good activities but I can only handle getting 5 kids ready to go so often, and we've been spending so much time in the car that the baby is throwing fits every time I put him in the carseat.  Plus the late afternoon/evening activities are pushing dinner back into the younger two's bedtime, which isn't working out very well.  And I want to have time this summer to just relax and take the kids to the pool, and right now it seems like we have something scheduled almost every weekday.

 

One outside activity per child. Activities have to start no earlier than 3 in the afternoon.

[Guest]

My kids don't have any strong interests for outside stuff right now, so I pick the ones I like to sit around at while I wait for them :-D  Either because it's a pleasant place or because I like the other parents. But I just do one thing at any given time, the same thing for both kids. My advice such as it is is almost completely irrelevant to someone with more kids or kids who aren't right up against each other in age.

[Runningmom80]

We made the decision to do music lessons and one sport per kid at a time.  So my DD had to decide to stick with gymnastics during the spring or switch to soccer instead of doing both.  There is only so much time and money, so we drew the line there. YMMV.

 

(I don't count therapies as an activity, since they are necessary and not "extra")

[Ausmumof3]

It's tricky! My kids thrive with more sports and activities. Also stuff like martial arts is progressive and you pay a joining fee and insurance component so it's cheaper to keep going than stop and start however TKD takes up most of the activity budget which doesn't leave room for some of the other stuff they'd like to do.

 

One way to get different stuff for different kids is try to find a reference centre with different offerings. That way the kids can all do something they like with less outings. Ours has swimming gymnastics, soccor, basketball, dance, and yoga. We aren't doing anything there right now but were often able to manage to get different activities to coordinate.

 

Another strategy we've used is to use school holiday intensive programs. There's often stuff available for swimming or sports during the holidays that's either a week long thing or a day long activity. I can handle it in the holidays when there's no school work happening.

[Ausmumof3]

I really should just have them drop jui jitsu for the rest of the summer and start it back up in the fall. By then DS4 will (hopefully) be done with speech therapy, there'll be a break from running club for a bit, and riding lessons will be almost over. Then if DH would be willing to help chauffeur them to running club, everything would seem a lot more do-able. But I think I will see if anyone lives in the same area as we do for jui jitsu and running club and would be willing to carpool before I decide about dropping something. We live 20-25 minutes from everything, so driving time is definitely a factor.

We have the same issue. One trick that helps is to figure out what parts of school you can do in the car - literature or history via audio books, times tables drill etc. that makes one less thing to tackle when you get home.

[ScoutTN]

Budget and my time/sanity are primary considerations. I always keep two days a week with zero kid things in the afternoon/evenings (really three since we only do church on Sundays) , otherwise I feel out of control and house stuff doesn't get done. I only have two kids and no littles. Closely tied to that is unstructured time. I think this is a treasure that our super-busy culture doesn't value highly. In those long afternoons and evenings without screens, without planned activities, my kids do art, listen to music, read, play games, follow up on ideas that school work sparked, visit with neighbors, invent stories, build things etc.  

 

Church is our priority outside activity. Sunday morning, Wednesday evening during the school year and various youth or family events. Wednesday night church includes choir, dinner and service, so not just worship or education type things. 

 

Both of my kids do scouts and music lessons. These are our next level of priority. Music lessons are the same instrument, teacher and location and are back to back one afternoon a week. Dh does scouts with Ds weekly in the school year, I go 3 or 4x a year for family events. I do scouts with Dd, weekly during the school year. 

 

We do sports/athletics erratically. We try to emphasize being active and healthy and want our kids to have some team experiences. Neither of our kids is particularly athletic. Each kid has done a few different things. Pool is general exercise for both all summer and one does swim team. Sports are definitely a bit tidal here. I find that one regular weekly, year-round thing is less hassle than two with 8- 10 week seasons because there is less administrative stuff, the schedule doesn't change and it matters less if we miss a week. Generally my kids do something physically active and organized for a season or two a year, not more. We walk the dog, hike in the park, swim for fun and generally encourage exercise and outdoor play.

 

Right now Dd has a significant volunteer commitment. Not sure how long it will last, but it teaches valuable life skills and academics too, she has friends there and it is free.

 

As Maize said, there are seasons and some are busier than others. Ours change with our kids as they grow, with the time of year and weather, health issues, financial limitations. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Peaceful Isle]

My kids each have 2-3 activities each.

All three oldest have band on Monday's and all four have art class on thursdays. My two boys have sports in the evenings as well, and my daughter is into horses for lessons and volunteering.

 

I think the key is scheduling. We always have wednesdays off with daddy. No questions. Saturday is a cleaning day/ youth activity day/ having a family over for dinner or whatever.

 

Sundays is always church and relaxing.

[...................]

There isn't one answer that we can give you...

 

There were season that only two activities was enough for us. There were seasons that three was more like it (half day sports, awana, Sunday school, park day). When my kids got older basically my dd needs one or even two outings per day, and my son about three per week to be energized and happy.

 

So you'll have to take a look at the schedule and what you can handle. From your list there I would consider that your dd has dreamed of horse lessons for years. Taking that away would be quite sad and it looks like she's the only girl for a few kids in a row. Let her have her thing.

 

But why can't the 8 year old join in on JJ and not do the running club? Running is pretty boring. It's a VERY rare child that will like it. Once you get to high school, if they like running they can literally join cross country and be a winning scorer the same year if they were used to some other kind of physical exercise. It takes no prior experience, unlike almost every other sport. People can run :)

 

So I would drop the running. Dropping just that one thing will give you two evenings back. If that one ds was extremely excited about it you may have to stick it out.

 

Also have you tried networking to carpool?

[caedmyn]

There isn't one answer that we can give you...

 

There were season that only two activities was enough for us. There were seasons that three was more like it (half day sports, awana, Sunday school, park day). When my kids got older basically my dd needs one or even two outings per day, and my son about three per week to be energized and happy.

 

So you'll have to take a look at the schedule and what you can handle. From your list there I would consider that your dd has dreamed of horse lessons for years. Taking that away would be quite sad and it looks like she's the only girl for a few kids in a row. Let her have her thing.

 

But why can't the 8 year old join in on JJ and not do the running club? Running is pretty boring. It's a VERY rare child that will like it. Once you get to high school, if they like running they can literally join cross country and be a winning scorer the same year if they were used to some other kind of physical exercise. It takes no prior experience, unlike almost every other sport. People can run :)

 

So I would drop the running. Dropping just that one thing will give you two evenings back. If that one ds was extremely excited about it you may have to stick it out.

 

Also have you tried networking to carpool?

 

The 8 YO NEEDS the running.  He has so much energy and nothing tires him out.  He can keep up with most of the middle school girls at the running practices.  They did their first two running practices last week, and after the second one we had Wednesday night church.  He sat there almost without moving because he was tired out, which is unheard of for him. Plus that's the one thing that he can practice at home (and continue to wear himself out doing it hopefully!).  And he and DD both like it (so did my siblings and I as kids...not sure it's really all that rare for kids to enjoy running). 

 

As of right now the jui jitsu is going for the rest of the summer.  It's not working out very well with our nap and dinner schedule anyway.  Not sure running club will work out well with dinner/bedtime either, but hopefully DH will be willing to help out there and make it more manageable.  And maybe if I'm really lucky there will be somebody else in the running club that lives out our way and is willing to carpool.

[...................]

Ah yes that makes sense! I am glad it was either the running or jiu jitsu and not the riding lessons. Jiu jitsu is probably more expensive than running :) so that's cool too.

[Rush]

How do you choose which extracurricular activities your kids participate in? 

According each kids and his needs. We have no limit.

The athleticism level is very important for us, so both of our kids have 3 types of sports. Plus we believe in diverse educational system and trying to tackle every area instead of accelerating in one subject. This is only for primary years, of course. After 14 yo each kid will have to stick to one sport + one intellectual activity like chess, programming, olympiad maths, art or music. If we were homeschooling I would let to choose much more. 

[vonbon]

I'm right there with you, OP, in trying to find a mix and balance of activities that suit the whole family.  It's hard.  

 

I can't speak from any experience with the age range and number of children you are mothering, but I do want to say that I think it's important to ensure that the basic needs of all are being met (baby refusing carseat might be an indication that it's out-of-balance)...Meaning, is everyone getting enough exercise, sleep, adequate nutrition, enough downtime to stay mentally/emotionally healthy, etc.--including you?  Moms are human beings too and count as family members, LOL.  

 

As a "baby" of a family, I'd gently remind you to watch out for those younger ones if they are being constantly dragged around to activities for olders.  My opinion is that littles need a lot of unstructured play time and free movement to meet developmental needs.  It's difficult; no scenario or mix of things is ideal for everyone, but I try to remember each family member and how new opportunities might affect them.  

 

All of the other opportunities are awesome and good, but too many might equate to basic needs being out-of-balance for some family members.  Good on you for trying to provide lots of enrichment for your people!  

 

I'm sure you've gotten lots of good advice; I'm going to comb through these posts because I need the info too.  

 

On a practical note, I have a nerdy Excel spreadsheet that I pull up each Fall, and then as needed throughout the year, that lists all of the activities the family is involved in (including homeschool, sports, enrichment activities, work, church, adult exercise, etc.).  It has a little tally column that shows who I think benefits by each activity (there are gray areas; it's not perfect).  Activities that rank highly--as in, they benefit all family members--are prioritized highest.  Those activities that only benefit maybe 1 family member and are kind of a drag on everyone else's time/energy are prioritized lower.  The higher activities are protected; the lower ones might be on the "chopping block" for the year, particularly if the participant is kind of "meh" about it.  That leaves room in the schedule and with resources (energy, drive-time, etc.) to get people to the activities that are the most valuable.  Sometimes I have to look at it "for the greater good of all" family members, but, of course, we try to do particular things if they are just super important to someone.  I'm sure that increases in complexity with the number of family members.  

 

There seems to be a lot more pressure these days to have kids involved in many structured activities.  I'm not trying to introduce another item to debate, just want to encourage you (and myself) to prioritize your health and sanity as a parent, remember that the downtime and contemplative moments of summer are very important--maybe even more important than we as humans know--and to remember that development is a life-long pursuit.  You don't have to squeeze in every experience for your children.  I'm reaching mid-life and am still trying new activities and skills...promote a life-long love of learning, fitness, skill...You and your children have years to find what they love--  Live at a sane pace with what works for you and your family.  You sound like an engaged, loving parent who is trying to meet everyone's needs!

 

ETA: We are 20-25 minutes from everything too.  Very rural area without bike/walking lanes on highways, so all of the activities are dependent upon drivers (me and DH).  No extended family support; carpooling doesn't usually work because people are spread out.  Trying not to burn out!  :) 

Edited July 5, 2017 by vonbon