Creepy grocery trip

[OneStepAtATime]

The boy in the story was Adam Walsh, whose father, John Walsh, became a victims' advocate and hosted America's Most Wanted.

Are you sure?  The story the other poster is describing doesn't sound like the story I remember.  I don't recall there being any man the mom interacted with. Adam went off to play a video game in the store (Sears?) with other boys.  There was some sort of argument and the security guard kicked all the boys out of the store because the older boys said their parents were not in the store.  Adam was too shy to speak up and explain his mother was still inside.  Adam was kidnapped outside the store.  His mom never saw anyone suspicious that I recall.  But maybe I'm mis-remembering or the other poster is mis-remembering the story in the book?

[Word Nerd]

Are you sure?  The story the other poster is describing doesn't sound like the story I remember.  I don't recall there being any man the mom interacted with. Adam went off to play a video game in the store (Sears?) with other boys.  There was some sort of argument and the security guard kicked all the boys out of the store because the older boys said their parents were not in the store.  Adam was too shy to speak up and explain his mother was still inside.  Adam was kidnapped outside the store.  His mom never saw anyone suspicious that I recall.  But maybe I'm mis-remembering or the other poster is mis-remembering the story in the book?

 

I thought so, but I may be misremembering.

[DesertBlossom]

We deal with this all the time when we visit relatives in San Diego. Any public, touristy place we go, we will have Asian tourists getting excited about our kids, pointing them out to friends, taking pictures--one even following us for a ways snapping lots and lots of pictures. I guess four young kids close together in age, some blondes/blue-eyed, are just remarkable in their experience. On the one hand, I don't believe there's ever any ill intent, but it does make me somewhat uncomfortable. When our transmission went out last year and we were figuring out how to afford a new one so we could get home, dh joked that we should just go to the tourist spots and charge the Asian tourists for their photos of/with the kids.

I have one that's blond and blue eyed and one that is red headed and blue eyed. We live in a small town that attracts thousands of Asian tourists every summer....and they always want to take my kids' picture. I usually say no, but I do understand it's a novelty for them.

 

 

Are they usually touchy though? In the incident with my son the man went from innocently (though awkwardly) patting my kid's head to patting his pants over his genitals in less than a minute. I wish I had had the guts (instead of trying to be polite) to pull my kid away at the very first physical interaction. And I am furious at myself for allowing them to take a picture. It all happened so fast though. Never again.

[MedicMom]

 

Are they usually touchy though? In the incident with my son the man went from innocently (though awkwardly) patting my kid's head to patting his pants over his genitals in less than a minute. I wish I had had the guts (instead of trying to be polite) to pull my kid away at the very first physical interaction. And I am furious at myself for allowing them to take a picture. It all happened so fast though. Never again.

I hate to generalize but they often are "touchy." Never anything more than patting their head. Patting the genitals moves your experience into a completely different category IMHO. I would have freaked out and probably assaulted the person.

[OneStepAtATime]

On another note, I remember a creepy incident involving myself as a teen.  I was maybe 15.  I had walked several blocks from my home to the local bookstore.  I was browsing through books when a man, maybe in his 30s, approached and asked for help with picking a book.  I shared what information I thought might help then went back to looking.  He wouldn't stop talking to me.  It was getting annoying.  He shuffled a bit closer so we were standing pretty close together.  I was moving from annoyed to concerned.  I went up to the store front and bought a book but I took a long time, hoping he would leave.  I did not want to walk home with this guy watching me.  Not once did it occur to me to tell the store clerk.  Part of me was feeling like I was being ridiculous.  Eventually the man left the store.  I walked home (carefully watching to see if I was being followed, which I wasn't).  Incident over.  However...

 

About a week later my mom and I were at a grocery store that also had a pretty large book section.  I asked if I could go look at the books while she shopped for groceries.  She said yes.  As I was leaving the grocery area I spotted that man again.  He looked right at me and I could tell he recognized me, too.  He started moving towards me.  Alarms were going off in my head and I definitely felt exceedingly uncomfortable.  His look felt WRONG, although I couldn't put my finger on why.  I kept moving and kept putting as many people and objects between us as possible.  I made it into the book section and hid behind a book kiosk.  He kept moving up and down the aisles but could not see me where I was hiding.  Not ONCE did it occur to me to get my mom or a store manager.  Alarm bells were going off but I felt like I was probably just being paranoid.  In my teenage head I thought I was doing the right thing by hiding so as to prevent an incident if he really was up to no good but by not reporting his behavior to someone I was also preventing a really embarrassing incident for both of us if it turned out he was just a nice guy trying to find me to thank me for my book recommendations.  It never occurred to me that if he really was up to no good I was putting others at risk by not saying anything.  

 

Teenagers can be really stupid.

[winterbaby]

On another note, I remember a creepy incident involving myself as a teen.  I was maybe 15.  I had walked several blocks from my home to the local bookstore.  I was browsing through books when a man, maybe in his 30s, approached and asked for help with picking a book.  I shared what information I thought might help then went back to looking.  He wouldn't stop talking to me.  It was getting annoying.  He shuffled a bit closer so we were standing pretty close together.  I was moving from annoyed to concerned.  I went up to the store front and bought a book but I took a long time, hoping he would leave.  I did not want to walk home with this guy watching me.  Not once did it occur to me to tell the store clerk.  Part of me was feeling like I was being ridiculous.  Eventually the man left the store.  I walked home (carefully watching to see if I was being followed, which I wasn't).  Incident over.  However...

 

About a week later my mom and I were at a grocery store that also had a pretty large book section.  I asked if I could go look at the books while she shopped for groceries.  She said yes.  As I was leaving the grocery area I spotted that man again.  He looked right at me and I could tell he recognized me, too.  He started moving towards me.  Alarms were going off in my head and I definitely felt exceedingly uncomfortable.  His look felt WRONG, although I couldn't put my finger on why.  I kept moving and kept putting as many people and objects between us as possible.  I made it into the book section and hid behind a book kiosk.  He kept moving up and down the aisles but could not see me where I was hiding.  Not ONCE did it occur to me to get my mom or a store manager.  Alarm bells were going off but I felt like I was probably just being paranoid.  In my teenage head I thought I was doing the right thing by hiding so as to prevent an incident if he really was up to no good but by not reporting his behavior to someone I was also preventing a really embarrassing incident for both of us if it turned out he was just a nice guy trying to find me to thank me for my book recommendations.  It never occurred to me that if he really was up to no good I was putting others at risk by not saying anything.  

 

Teenagers can be really stupid.

 

I don't think you were being stupid... women in general, and particularly young girls, often have an ingrained tendency to be overly nice and non-confrontational and to discount their own instincts. In The Gift of Fear Gavin DeBecker talks about how predators take advantage of this - our tendency to overrate the importance of others' feelings compared to our own safety. This is important to teach one's children about. I talk to my daughter about how grown men generally have no reason to be talking to young girls they don't know, and how guys who really mean no harm show it - by generally leaving you alone, and certainly backing off when you show discomfort. It's just too bad for the occasional harmless person who scares someone through honest ignorance of these rules. Safety is more important.

[LMD]

No, be grateful she was born into a protective, loving home. The world needs girls and they are an incredible blessing. We just ALSO need loving, protective homes for them.

Thank you :)

 

The world needs her but it absolutely doesn't deserve her. And I am heartbroken knowing that she will have to learn that.

 

I know we all lose our innocence about the evil in this world, but it was a personal and visceral reaction from me - triggered by the first time my precious girl was treated as meat by a grown man...

[Scarlett]

When I was about 9 I had a teen boy say something like, 'hey little girl, come here and pull your pants down for me.'  I ran home and did.not.tell. my mom.  Why?  I have no idea. 

 

But now when I think about that incident I am just sickened he did that to me! I was walking back home via  a shortcut from the store.  Ugh.

[hellen]

Last week I came across as the creepy pervert on accident. I was costume mom for my daughter's theater production. It was a homeschool production so there was a range of ages. I was critically looking over everyone's costume. One was particularly bugging me because the teenage boy was drowning in his pants. I was eyeballing them, wondering if it would be possible to adjust them. At the same time though, he was taking off the jacket and shirt to change to a different costume. He noticed me staring and it was embarrassing. I must have come across so creepy. It looked like I was watching him undress but I was just thinking about how to alter the giant pants.

[SKL]

Add me to the people who should have told things as a kid, but didn't.  :/  It is a good reminder to talk to my kids about this, again.

[Word Nerd]

Add me to the people who should have told things as a kid, but didn't. :/ It is a good reminder to talk to my kids about this, again.

Me too. I convinced myself it wasn't that big of a deal (which is exactly what the person told me) and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

Edited June 21, 2017 by Word Nerd

[Paige]

So many times I should have spoken up as a kid but was scared or unsure what to do and then minimized the behavior. But- the times I did tell, nothing happened. I had an old man grab me on a hospital elevator, pull me close, and kiss me on the mouth and threaten to come find me again when I was 15. He had an ID tag and I told the head of security exactly who it was. Nothing happened. I was never questioned again and he continued to work and continued to follow me. I quit volunteering because I was too uncomfortable seeing him every week and scared to go on the elevators.

 

A man exposed himself while he was...having a personal good time...to me and some friends while we were walking to the store in the middle of the day. We actually called the cops and never ever heard from the cops again. They took a statement and that was it.

 

I tell my kids to tell things, but at this point I'm not sure I have faith that telling really helps much.  :sad:

[Paige]

I forgot- I also had a kid on my bus stop in middle school repeatedly threaten to rape me (he actually used those words)  and would harass me every morning. He'd try to grab my butt and stuff. I eventually got mace to take to the stop and I was the one called to the principal's office. I was told I was threatening him and that the principal would ensure my safety on the bus stop. WTF? Was the principal ever at the bus stop? 

 

I moved on to high school shortly after and got rides with friends after that but nobody was going to help me. FWIW- I was about 5' and 85lbs and the harasser was about 5'10 and 200lbs. Yet I was the one threatening him. 

Edited June 22, 2017 by Paige

[LMD]

Yes, Paige, I don't 'like' your posts but they are pretty universally the experience of most women I know.

[Misha]

I'm a firm believer in listening to my intuition. Times things have felt 'off'. 

 

1) DH and I were the only people at a matinee one day. A guy comes in and sits directly next to me. I got up and moved a few rows back, DH came with me. 

 

2) We were outside and a neighbor or neighbor's friend was talking over me to my little ones and started asking their names and how old they were. Not strange questions, but I got a seriously creepy vibe from this guy and took the girls directly home. 

 

3) When we lived in our old apartment complex, I was home alone with the girls when a guy started banging on the door. Claimed he was our new downstairs neighbor, that we were being loud (we were sitting on the couch, watching a movie - making no noise), and he demanded that I open the door so he "could talk" to me. I told him to leave before I called the police and he started screaming at me to open the door and calling me things I won't repeat here. I called management and told them what happened. We moved away from there within the month. 

[Guest]

So many times I should have spoken up as a kid but was scared or unsure what to do and then minimized the behavior. But- the times I did tell, nothing happened. I had an old man grab me on a hospital elevator, pull me close, and kiss me on the mouth and threaten to come find me again when I was 15. He had an ID tag and I told the head of security exactly who it was. Nothing happened. I was never questioned again and he continued to work and continued to follow me. I quit volunteering because I was too uncomfortable seeing him every week and scared to go on the elevators.

 

A man exposed himself while he was...having a personal good time...to me and some friends while we were walking to the store in the middle of the day. We actually called the cops and never ever heard from the cops again. They took a statement and that was it.

 

I tell my kids to tell things, but at this point I'm not sure I have faith that telling really helps much.  :sad:

 

 

Yes, Paige, I don't 'like' your posts but they are pretty universally the experience of most women I know.

 

 

I have been stunned as an adult to hear how many of my friends had this stuff happen when they were teens back in the 80's and 90's. I never experienced it, but it seems extremely common, especially for girls who walked to and from school and just around with friends a lot. Stories like yours Paige, and men trying to get them into cars, exposing themselves, all of it. Just crazy. I had no idea. 

[jjeepa]

I have been stunned as an adult to hear how many of my friends had this stuff happen when they were teens back in the 80's and 90's. I never experienced it, but it seems extremely common, especially for girls who walked to and from school and just around with friends a lot. Stories like yours Paige, and men trying to get them into cars, exposing themselves, all of it. Just crazy. I had no idea. 

 

Yep, it happened to me as a young teen in the 1980s walking into the downtown area of a very quiet and "safe" town.  A guy in his 30s or 40s pulled up next to me and asked for directions.  I started talking and he said he couldn't hear me so I walked closer to his car (stupid) and could see right into his car.  His pants were down and he was....you get the drift.  When I immediately backed away, I remember him smiling and laughing about it.  I never told my parents about it.  I also remember feeling ashamed like I had done something wrong.  Another friend told me about a similar incident that happened to her and I don't think she told her parents about it either.

 

How do we get our kids to open up to us about these things?

[klmama]

If we want them to open up to us about these types of things, we need to tell them that they are possible and that they happened to us and many others.  Not a comfortable conversation to have, obviously, just like it's not a comfortable conversation to tell your parents something like this.  

[SKL]

If we want them to open up to us about these types of things, we need to tell them that they are possible and that they happened to us and many others.  Not a comfortable conversation to have, obviously, just like it's not a comfortable conversation to tell your parents something like this.  

 

That's an interesting point - we should probably tell our kids such things happened to us or to people we knew (assuming this is true).

 

I have told my kids a couple things that happened to me, including a guy who "fondled" me more than once when I was 12.  I still left out some details.  Probably because, 38 years later, I might still be somewhat ashamed, or I worry my kids will be ashamed of me.  How to get past that ....

 

[magnificent_baby]

Reminds me of my recent patient. His attitude was rude and domineering. I was thankful was there with family members, as I would not have been comfortable alone with him. I couldn't get it off my mind as he made me so uncomfortable, so I googled his name. On the sex offender list for rape.

 

I'm a big believer in trusting your gut and teach my children this as well. 

[BarbecueMom]

If we want them to open up to us about these types of things, we need to tell them that they are possible and that they happened to us and many others. Not a comfortable conversation to have, obviously, just like it's not a comfortable conversation to tell your parents something like this.

I don't know. My mom was very open about this stuff with me, and in turn, it made me shut down. I remember feeling so uncomfortable being close enough to her to know those kinds of things, and suddenly wanting much, much tighter control over what she knew about me.

 

But that could be just me. I have a very hard time with openness in relationships that were not of my choosing.

[Mergath]

Not to discredit your feelings at all but were they by chance Asian? I often read/hear that people traveling to Asian with blond kids experience this same thing. I see it more as the same way that white tourist take picture of Native kids, kids in Africa (and want to touch their hair), etc.

 

Then again I am all for mom's radar and protecting the kids.

 

We had this happen to dd when she was around five or so. She was much more blonde back then, and with big green eyes. We were at a museum and an entire tour group from China saw her and started taking her picture. It was like being with a movie star. :lol:  I thought it was hilarious. One of the ladies stopped to talk to us and explained that their US tour was very long, and she had a daughter the same age as mine and was having a hard time being away from her.

 

[Mergath]

OP, I'm not sure I'm reading your post correctly. Were you worried this guy wanted to kidnap one of your kids for the purposes of child trafficking? Or was he acting like he thought YOU were the child trafficker because you have multiple kids close in age and he was trying to get your info to report you to the police?

[snickerplum]

OP, I'm not sure I'm reading your post correctly. Were you worried this guy wanted to kidnap one of your kids for the purposes of child trafficking? Or was he acting like he thought YOU were the child trafficker because you have multiple kids close in age and he was trying to get your info to report you to the police?

The concern was that he was interested in my children, my son in particular.

 

It's so sad to hear stories about what happened to some of you guys. No child should have those memories.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[klmama]

I don't know. My mom was very open about this stuff with me, and in turn, it made me shut down. I remember feeling so uncomfortable being close enough to her to know those kinds of things, and suddenly wanting much, much tighter control over what she knew about me. 

 

I don't think the sharing about personal experience is important; it IS important to let them know that these types of things sometimes happen to nice kids who didn't deserve it and that if anything like that ever happened to them you wouldn't blame them or think less of them for being the victim of some creep.