JAWM: 3-week screen fast: Reseting DS's brain

[Arctic Bunny]

I looked for experiences on here, but came up empty handed. Hope nobody minds, but I'd like to keep a little journal here, because around Monday (Day 3), I was actually searching for a parent support group!

 

It has been 7 days without screens for the kids, and we parents haven't been using them when the kids are around either. The first three days were soooo very hard to watch. DS12 really was in withdrawal, which you just can't believe until you've seen it.

 

DH and I had both been thinking screens were becoming a problem, then I heard about "Reset Your Child's Brain" on here and checked it out (only available at our library as an ebook, ironically). What sold me on the idea more than anything was that I was a little afraid of the fallout!

The announcement Thursday night about Saturday being Day 1 wasn't too bad, actually. Neither was Friday, T-1. Found out that's because DS12 was fully in denial.

 

Day 1: It hit him Saturday afternoon. Then there was anger and tears. And the only way he could deal was by reading. He's always been a reader, but it was like he physically couldn't handle more than that. Much easier for DS10, who really only uses a screen because his older brother is. Had to explain it to him, because he was getting angry. Couldn't understand why his brother didn't want to go biking, playing, etc. Became very supportive.

 

Day 2: Played DS12's favourite board game, then took them swimming.

 

Day 3: DS12 had a project to work on for school all weekend, but I let it go because I really thought he wouldn't be able to. Came home, sat down and worked on it for 1.5 hours. Accomplished more than the last month. No tears or anger. Listed off two other projects due in next couple of weeks. When DH called for us to bring him something at work (important!), DS12 was first to jump up and go. Finished entire lunch (it's ben coming home about 1/4 eaten for about a month) Still asking about screens. Comments like couldn't answer the phone because it's a screen :eyeroll:

 

Day 4: Ate entire lunch again. Worked on school project for another 1.5 hours. We went for ice cream treat. Very tired before bedtime.

 

Day 5: Ate most of lunch. Finished school project without prompting. Let DS10 help glue pages - no fighting! DS 10 made plan with DH to buy a football (ours in at the lake), wanted to play with DS12. Early to bed.

 

Day 6: Ate entire lunch. Came home from school. Immediately took football to park for about an hour. Came home and played nerf guns. Argument did ensue, both tempers high (tired?).... DS12 said he knows he should have been working on Sci project, but took the day off, will work on it next day (usually wouldn't bring up school work still needing to be done, much less suggest a plan to do it). Tired before bedtime, needed to be woken up Friday. Will back up bedtime some more.

 

Which brings me to Day 7...

 

The difference, in DS12 in particular, is amazing. Is it possible he's making more eye contact? There are definitely more hugs, more laughing. Less "just sounding mean". Recently, instead of hugging DH, it had turned into less hugging, more hitting. But it had stopped being joking around, play fighting wrestling, and turned into just hitting hard. This, surprisingly :eyeroll:, was not going over well with DH and was resulting in consequences. Yesterday, hugs and play wrestling.

 

We've been having conversations about non-computer game stuff. Refreshing.

 

There's been a domino effect of less being on-guard, ready for misbehaving. Everyone is more relaxed, able to joke around.

 

My concern now is reintroducing screens. We certainly can't go back to before, but what is fair?

[JumpyTheFrog]

Glad you are having good results!

[kitten18]

This is interesting. I'll be following.

[Guest]

Give it three weeks for sure.  

 

And during those three weeks, try to do some adventure-y kinds of things.  Things that will give a bit of a "rush" of dopamine, because that is what they are getting with the screen time, and they need to learn that there are other ways to get this.

 

Here are a couple of resources rich in information:  

http://www.steelcounseling.com

https://netaddictionrecovery.com (don't let the URL put you off)

[Arctic Bunny]

Give it three weeks for sure.

 

And during those three weeks, try to do some adventure-y kinds of things. Things that will give a bit of a "rush" of dopamine, because that is what they are getting with the screen time, and they need to learn that there are other ways to get this.

Oh, absolutely three weeks - not backing down on that! The book suggests 1/2 an hour a week. In some ways, zero would be easier! Adventure stuff... hmm...

[happi duck]

Wow, interesting!

[Noreen Claire]

This is great. I'm actually thinking about giving up my own screens (mostly, my phone & social media) for the summer. I know that the more time I spend on social media, the worse of a mom I am...

[Arctic Bunny]

This is great. I'm actually thinking about giving up my own screens (mostly, my phone & social media) for the summer. I know that the more time I spend on social media, the worse of a mom I am...

Here's the crazy thing. The kids aren't on screens, so DH and I are not using them when they're up. The difference in my productivity between when they're home and when they're at school is shocking, although it really shouldn't be. Also, since they're not on screens, they want to do stuff with[\i] us! [\b] "Mom, can we go for a bike ride?" "Can we play *board game*?" And sometimes they just want to talk!

[Arctic Bunny]

Day 7: Entire lunch eaten. That's 4/5 days for DS12 (never been a thing for DS10). I have no idea what the correlation is, but surely it can't be coincidence?

Had to take them to run a couple of errands. DS10 was being an inadvertent pain by wandering in front of DS12. Like talking and walking and cut him off. Instead of getting angry (would never cause a scene, but certainly affect the rest of the day), DS12 said what was happening, we were able to laugh that DS10 can't walk and talk, and when I suggested that he just move over to the other side of me, he was about to protest that he shouldn't have to, stopped, and just moved over[\i].

We watched a movie tonight - oldie but goodie. Haven't had a family movie night for ages.?DS12 went to get another slice of pizza, I asked him if he could grab me one, and he asked his brother if he'd like one, too.

 

All these things sounds so trivial. But if I am noticing them, it must be different, right?

 

Still trying to come up with adventure things that don't cost a fortune!

[MommyLiberty5013]

My BFF, heard a speaker about kids and screens. He advised buying back the teens' devices for kids that are so far down that rabbit hole and cannot get out easily. "Sam, I'll give you $100 for your iPad. If school requires the internet, you can use the ____ in the _____ room." Many kids would rather have the cash is what he said in his study, or whatever it was, maybe a survey.

 

She took away all her kids' technology and they aren't doing it at all, anymore, ever aside from school things. It's kind of funny because her DH is a small business owner and installs high-tech homes with all their wiring, devices, etc.. He loves the idea of no-tech for their boys.

 

I think what you're doing, OP is so healthy. Thumbs up!

[Guest]

Day 7: Entire lunch eaten. That's 4/5 days for DS12 (never been a thing for DS10). I have no idea what the correlation is, but surely it can't be coincidence?

Had to take them to run a couple of errands. DS10 was being an inadvertent pain by wandering in front of DS12. Like talking and walking and cut him off. Instead of getting angry (would never cause a scene, but certainly affect the rest of the day), DS12 said what was happening, we were able to laugh that DS10 can't walk and talk, and when I suggested that he just move over to the other side of me, he was about to protest that he shouldn't have to, stopped, and just moved over[\i].

We watched a movie tonight - oldie but goodie. Haven't had a family movie night for ages.?DS12 went to get another slice of pizza, I asked him if he could grab me one, and he asked his brother if he'd like one, too.

 

All these things sounds so trivial. But if I am noticing them, it must be different, right?

 

Still trying to come up with adventure things that don't cost a fortune!

Adventure things don't have to be expensive. Dh took son to hobbyist motorcycle races, car races, steep hikes, took him out to a parking lot and they did donuts in the car, that sort of thing. Other ideas do cost money but it reshaped my son's life. Car racing instruction. Zip lines. Skiing. Water skiing. Concerts. I'll try to find the list we were given.

[SereneHome]

Last year I got really fed up with constant "can we watch TV" and told them they are not allowed to watch it at all.

 

My oldest started reading a lot more.  My oldest and youngest, who used to fight all.the.time were playing beautifully together.  All three were creating games and crafts and doing all kinds of things together.

 

Why did I ever allow TV again I will never know.  Right now they are only allowed electronics on the weekends but even then it adds up

 

Unfortunately, my husband and I don't have the same opinion on the amount of TV it's OK for them to watch.  He grew up watching  A LOT of it and thinks that his childhood was perfect and he turned out great.  So.... here we are....

[Arctic Bunny]

Adventure things don't have to be expensive. Dh took son to hobbyist motorcycle races, car races, steep hikes, took him out to a parking lot and they did donuts in the car, that sort of thing. Other ideas do cost money but it reshaped my son's life. Car racing instruction. Zip lines. Skiing. Water skiing. Concerts. I'll try to find the list we were given.

Thank you, that would be awesome! A zip line place just opened in May near here, Google tells me.

They got an "Ollie" and "Sphero" for Christmas and have never touched them. They just asked, and I have made an exception, as iPads are the only way to control them. DS12 is having a blast. They are building an obstacle course. Do you think it counts?

[Arctic Bunny]

Last year I got really fed up with constant "can we watch TV" and told them they are not allowed to watch it at all.

 

My oldest started reading a lot more. My oldest and youngest, who used to fight all.the.time were playing beautifully together. All three were creating games and crafts and doing all kinds of things together.

 

Why did I ever allow TV again I will never know. Right now they are only allowed electronics on the weekends but even then it adds up

 

Unfortunately, my husband and I don't have the same opinion on the amount of TV it's OK for them to watch. He grew up watching A LOT of it and thinks that his childhood was perfect and he turned out great. So.... here we are....

The weekend is hardest here, too. Our routine is for the adults to sleep in while the kids play screens :blush: Today I felt obligated to get up with them, because no screens. But was rewarded with cuddles and hot chocolate and long chats about great-great-aunts and great-grandmas, exploring rain barrels and compost, and now they've initiated play together.

[Arctic Bunny]

My BFF, heard a speaker about kids and screens. He advised buying back the teens' devices for kids that are so far down that rabbit hole and cannot get out easily. "Sam, I'll give you $100 for your iPad. If school requires the internet, you can use the ____ in the _____ room." Many kids would rather have the cash is what he said in his study, or whatever it was, maybe a survey.

 

She took away all her kids' technology and they aren't doing it at all, anymore, ever aside from school things. It's kind of funny because her DH is a small business owner and installs high-tech homes with all their wiring, devices, etc.. He loves the idea of no-tech for their boys.

 

I think what you're doing, OP is so healthy. Thumbs up!

Ha! I was reading that Bill Gates doesn't allow his kids smart phones, and Steve Jobs wouldn't let his kids have iPads!

We are fortunate that devices are not allowed at the kids' school - no cell phones, nothing. When we were comparing schools, I didn't even think of asking about policy. However, the neighbours' kids (11 and 13) are the only ones in their school without!

Thanks for your support!

[Guest]

Your thread has inspired me. :) I'm going to try and go screen free for a week here shortly. I'm not going to include anyone else in the house the first week. I want to see the impact of ME being screen free has on the household, so I'm not attributing things to the kids being screen free that is actually more to do with me, as I feel I sort of set the tone for the house. Then the second week, if all is well post first week and I haven't gone insane from lack of external interaction online (we live kind of out in the country) I will have us all go screen free (well as much as possible for dh and his job without getting fired) and see what the differences are. I'm not even remotely anti-screen, but  I think it will be an interesting experiment though for our first weeks back to school next month! Keep updating- I'm enjoying reading about your experience! 

[Arctic Bunny]

Day 8: Lots of cuddles and good chats in the morning. DS 12 is ploughing through books at a rapid rate. Thank goodness we've moved somewhere with libraries!

 

As I mentioned, DH and I agreed not to use screens around the kids. He and DS12, in particular, would play a certain video game together. That's their "thing". DH knew that would be hard, recognized he'd have to figure something out. I mentioned he'd have to show DS12 (and 10) that there are things they can do that aren't screens and aren't shopping.

 

Yesterday was the first day that this opportunity arose. Except I don't think he thinks it's an opportunity. I think he has no ideas, none. He slept in, then tidied up the kitchen with his headset on, then read the flyers with his headset on. Which means that every time somebody said something to him, he couldn't hear. DS10 wanted to play a game. Asked DH if he wanted to play. Flat out said no. Board game? No. Card game? No. Okay.... So DS12 and I played Sorry with him. And I texted DH to just go downstairs and play video games by himself, so at least he'd be ignoring us where we couldn't see him. Not my best moment. He went downstairs, but didn't play video games.

 

Do I have to come up with something for them? Shouldn't a grown man be able to figure this out?!

Edited June 18, 2017 by arctic_bunny

[Arctic Bunny]

Your thread has inspired me. :) I'm going to try and go screen free for a week here shortly. I'm not going to include anyone else in the house the first week. I want to see the impact of ME being screen free has on the household, so I'm not attributing things to the kids being screen free that is actually more to do with me, as I feel I sort of set the tone for the house. Then the second week, if all is well post first week and I haven't gone insane from lack of external interaction online (we live kind of out in the country) I will have us all go screen free (well as much as possible for dh and his job without getting fired) and see what the differences are. I'm not even remotely anti-screen, but I think it will be an interesting experiment though for our first weeks back to school next month! Keep updating- I'm enjoying reading about your experience!

Thanks! You should read the book while you're screen free, lol!

[Arctic Bunny]

Geocaching is fun and definitely adventerous.

 

I bought my kids a rock pick and hammer and they liked to split rocks open one summer.

 

Tadpole hunting or bug hunting. Make a habitat for them, observe and let go.

Ah! Geocaching! Great idea; the others won't quite work in our present situation but are still good! Thanks you!

[kroe1]

Sounds like DH is withdrawing, too.

[Miss Tick]

Do I have to come up with something for them? Shouldn't a grown man be able to figure this out?!

Don't tackle more than one major project at a time. Perhaps he is struggling with withdrawal. Maybe have a list like geocaching, trail hike with picnic lunch, bike for ice cream, cheapest local swim excursion, etc. that everybody can choose from, dh can come or not.

 

Sounds like a successful experiment under all. Do you have post-fast plans?

[Guest]

The thing that is different between an adult brain and an adolescent brain is that the adult brain is developed.  The problem with screen obsession and overuse in adolescents, and really until about age 25, is that the dopamine overload delays development of the prefrontal cortex, and is destructive to what is already there.  That is the part of your brain that has the executive function.  When it is developed and complete, it is a lot easier to walk away from obsessive activities, but when it is not, the person doesn't have the executive ability to do so.  That's why parents need to come alongside.  

 

The good news is that while the brain is still developing, there is time for repair and growth...so it's good to catch it early.  

 

The residential treatment center with which I am most familiar really won't take people older than 28.  It's not successful after that point, by and large.  

 

Interestingly, there is a pretty good rule of thumb that if a person doesn't drink alcohol until age 25, they are very likely to be able to drink alcohol without becoming alcoholic.  That's one good reason for the age 21 entry point.  it's not being a chronological adult, but a biological adult that makes the difference.  I am drawing a correlation here; I have no research to support the correlation, but it seems to make a little sense.  

[Arctic Bunny]

Sounds like DH is withdrawing, too.

A bit, yes. And hard to think beyond the default. But today was better.

[Arctic Bunny]

Don't tackle more than one major project at a time. Perhaps he is struggling with withdrawal. Maybe have a list like geocaching, trail hike with picnic lunch, bike for ice cream, cheapest local swim excursion, etc. that everybody can choose from, dh can come or not.

 

Sounds like a successful experiment under all. Do you have post-fast plans?

Thanks for the ideas! They did pretty well this evening!

Post-fast plans.... still working on that one, I'm afraid. I have some thoughts in mulling over.

[Arctic Bunny]

The thing that is different between an adult brain and an adolescent brain is that the adult brain is developed. The problem with screen obsession and overuse in adolescents, and really until about age 25, is that the dopamine overload delays development of the prefrontal cortex, and is destructive to what is already there. That is the part of your brain that has the executive function. When it is developed and complete, it is a lot easier to walk away from obsessive activities, but when it is not, the person doesn't have the executive ability to do so. That's why parents need to come alongside.

 

The good news is that while the brain is still developing, there is time for repair and growth...so it's good to catch it early.

 

The residential treatment center with which I am most familiar really won't take people older than 28. It's not successful after that point, by and large.

 

Interestingly, there is a pretty good rule of thumb that if a person doesn't drink alcohol until age 25, they are very likely to be able to drink alcohol without becoming alcoholic. That's one good reason for the age 21 entry point. it's not being a chronological adult, but a biological adult that makes the difference. I am drawing a correlation here; I have no research to support the correlation, but it seems to make a little sense.

A friend sent me an article about the place near Seattle. So interesting to read!

 

Are you saying DH is beyond hope *nervous lol*?

[Arctic Bunny]

Day 9: DH was at work. Took grandpa out for lunch. No screens, no books. How wonderful to have help carrying on the conversation! Well-behaved, as usual, thank goodness!

 

DH helped DS12 now the lawn, fertilized the veggies with DS10. After supper, DS had a bit more lawn to mow, and he said, "Hey Dad, do you think if I finished that up real quick, we could throw the football?" They did, then DS10 joined them at the park after his shower, and I finished what I was doing and grabbed the dog for a walk.

 

In bed later than I hoped, with no time for stories, but I think the trade off is worth it.

 

I'm wondering if part of the issue is that playing board games, reading books, bike rides, etc, instead of screens is easier for me than DH because it's fulfilling my ideal and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. Whereas for him, playing video games is something he enjoys. So it's like, with his agreement that it's necessary, his enjoyment has become "bad" or "less than". I can see why he might be showing some resentment(?), even if he doesn't realize why.

[Guest]

A friend sent me an article about the place near Seattle. So interesting to read!

 

Are you saying DH is beyond hope *nervous lol*?

 

No.  I'm saying that you have a responsibility to guide you offspring because the brain is still developing and still needs your protection.  He's not an adult, so you have to protect.  Your dh IS an adult--and it is very likely that while he might be drawn (maybe even intensely drawn) to this  activity, he is biologically an adult, and so you and he have an *adult* relationship, and talk about what it is you need from one another.  But he's not under your protection in the same way. 

 

 

Does that make sense?  

[Arcadia]

I'm wondering if part of the issue is that playing board games, reading books, bike rides, etc, instead of screens is easier for me than DH because it's fulfilling my ideal and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. Whereas for him, playing video games is something he enjoys. So it's like, with his agreement that it's necessary, his enjoyment has become "bad" or "less than". I can see why he might be showing some resentment(?), even if he doesn't realize why.

My husband is a sedentary introvert who can spend the whole weekend doing as little talking as possible. As he doesn't like to move, he is happy to play board games, read books and watch classical music performances on YouTube. If he is bored he would do the laundry, scrub all the sinks, and vacuum the floor. He vacuum so often that I have to tell him not to vacuum.

 

Today it is 104 degF hot so we spent the day at the bookstore as our nearest library does not open on Sunday. When we went screen free, my husband basically slept most of the weekend when we were not at the library. I'm the one who fall asleep at the libraries while my kids read.

 

My older boy isn't into screens but he is also not into sports or outdoors (we all have outdoor allergies) so he spent most of his leisure hours reading at libraries and bookstores. When he has nothing to read, he sleeps or demand more academics. We easily end up doing math all day on a weekend because he is bored. When I am out of books to read during screen free time, I sleep because I sleep much better during daytime.

 

Reading is actually more isolating an activity for us then gaming because we read alone as everyone likes different authors and genre. So we curl up in different rooms and corners to read.

 

ETA:

My husband would willingly grade math and physics as long as he can stay sedentary. The only time he moves is when kids is runing out of clothes or shoes and he goes hunting for sales at Nordstrom Rack and premium outlets.

Edited June 19, 2017 by Arcadia

[Noreen Claire]

arctic_bunny, how's it going? Thinking about you today because I removed facebook, twitter, and instagram from my cellphone before bed last night.  :ohmy: I'n going to attempt to go the entire summer without social media. Wish me luck!

[Arctic Bunny]

arctic_bunny, how's it going? Thinking about you today because I removed facebook, twitter, and instagram from my cellphone before bed last night. :ohmy: I'n going to attempt to go the entire summer without social media. Wish me luck!

I skipped a few days because nothing eventful happened!

 

Anyway, it's sort of status quo at the moment! And I logged myself out of a site that I find myself constantly checking, and deleted the shortcut :) Hooray for less "stuff", right?

 

ETA: So little has happened that I posted the same thing again!

Edited June 23, 2017 by arctic_bunny

[Arctic Bunny]

My husband is a sedentary introvert who can spend the whole weekend doing as little talking as possible. As he doesn't like to move, he is happy to play board games, read books and watch classical music performances on YouTube. If he is bored he would do the laundry, scrub all the sinks, and vacuum the floor. He vacuum so often that I have to tell him not to vacuum.

 

Today it is 104 degF hot so we spent the day at the bookstore as our nearest library does not open on Sunday. When we went screen free, my husband basically slept most of the weekend when we were not at the library. I'm the one who fall asleep at the libraries while my kids read.

 

My older boy isn't into screens but he is also not into sports or outdoors (we all have outdoor allergies) so he spent most of his leisure hours reading at libraries and bookstores. When he has nothing to read, he sleeps or demand more academics. We easily end up doing math all day on a weekend because he is bored. When I am out of books to read during screen free time, I sleep because I sleep much better during daytime.

 

Reading is actually more isolating an activity for us then gaming because we read alone as everyone likes different authors and genre. So we curl up in different rooms and corners to read.

 

ETA:

My husband would willingly grade math and physics as long as he can stay sedentary. The only time he moves is when kids is runing out of clothes or shoes and he goes hunting for sales at Nordstrom Rack and premium outlets.

So, is this something you wish were different? Or you're all content?

[Arctic Bunny]

No. I'm saying that you have a responsibility to guide you offspring because the brain is still developing and still needs your protection. He's not an adult, so you have to protect. Your dh IS an adult--and it is very likely that while he might be drawn (maybe even intensely drawn) to this activity, he is biologically an adult, and so you and he have an *adult* relationship, and talk about what it is you need from one another. But he's not under your protection in the same way.

 

 

Does that make sense?

Perfectly ;) And I'm glad DH is protecting DS, too.

[Arcadia]

So, is this something you wish were different? Or you're all content?

We are kind of complementary without being direct opposites. We knew each other from being studymates at engineering school so I already knew he is sedentary and much better at housework than me before we even dated.

 

We do enjoy chasing squirrels but not during allergy season. It would be nice to not have to deal with runny noses and itchy eyes when outdoors but we are used to it. I'm saving the use of Benadryl for hives.

[Arctic Bunny]

We are kind of complementary without being direct opposites. We knew each other from being studymates at engineering school so I already knew he is sedentary and much better at housework than me before we even dated.

 

We do enjoy chasing squirrels but not during allergy season. It would be nice to not have to deal with runny noses and itchy eyes when outdoors but we are used to it. I'm saving the use of Benadryl for hives.

Sounds perfect! Except for allergies and Banadryl, of course....

[mom2myboys]

Interesting how his appetite (for food) has increased. Is this ebook mainly for older kids or kids of all ages? Thanks.

[Guest]

I have a quick question. Since you are also going screen free during the day- do you exempt texts? For yourself, kids?? Emails? I'm planning to start myself tomorrow or Monday but there is no way I can go without responding to texts and email needs to be checked at least twice a day. Just wondering how you handled that, as I'm looking for idea. I like the idea of deleting apps- I'm not on social media, but it would certainly help me to delete news apps and Safari to not be tempted when replying to a text! 

 

If my week goes well, I plan to add the family in the following week (dh has agreed in so much as he can with work, which will be difficult. He's got a 24/7 job) and i am also contemplating how to handle my teen. Texting IS the way she communicates with her friends. We are a zero social media family, so that's not hard, but I feel like if I cut off texting it's basically isolating her completely. Does the book you recommend deal with any of that? 

[Guest]

We had to keep texts and email and even messenger because that is how jobs get done in the tech world. It was very tricky but there's was a BIG carrot and a BIG stick in our situation.

 

For me, I do a fast from time to time. No FB. At all. For 40 days. Or I limit the time (as in a specific amount of time and at a specific time of day) for 40 days. It does make a difference.

 

If gaming in particular is an issue, substitute some endorphin-producing activities.

[whitestavern]

Arctic Bunny, thank you for sharing your experiences. I read this book and really wanted to try it. We haven't yet. Unfortunately my kids' school uses iPads exclusively--I hate it!--so we could not do it during the school year. Now that summer is here, I am thinking about it again. Since I work outside the home, I'd have to password protect and somehow lock up every device (we have a lot) while I am gone. Also, not sure how I'd handle my dd, who uses tech to mostly keep in touch with friends, although she does waste some time on other things as well. I'm also curious how you will bring back tech. I'm not sure how reintroducing it works (it's been a bit since I read the book) I feel like my ds14 would immediately go back to old habits. Half of what makes tech so bad with him is we do limit it and it's just a constant argument about when he can get back on, how much time he can get, why he can't have more, etc. Not sure how that would change after a fast, IYKWIM.

[Arctic Bunny]

Interesting how his appetite (for food) has increased. Is this ebook mainly for older kids or kids of all ages? Thanks.

Oh, it's in print I believe as well! Our library just happens to have started purchasing more digital books. I would say the book is aimed toward all ages, really. Younger kids, imo, would be much easier. There are definitely more examples of older kids, teens, but I think that's because they are most likely to *be* addicted and more difficult. Harder for them to "survive" without a smartphone, you know?

[caedmyn]

I wish I could do this.  Maybe my kids would be nicer to each other and DD would focus better.  DH turned a movie on for them first thing yesterday morning and you could really see it in their attitudes at breakfast.  But I need a nap (and a shower) every day and the only way to keep them out of trouble is to have them watch a movie.

[Arctic Bunny]

I have a quick question. Since you are also going screen free during the day- do you exempt texts? For yourself, kids?? Emails? I'm planning to start myself tomorrow or Monday but there is no way I can go without responding to texts and email needs to be checked at least twice a day. Just wondering how you handled that, as I'm looking for idea. I like the idea of deleting apps- I'm not on social media, but it would certainly help me to delete news apps and Safari to not be tempted when replying to a text!

 

If my week goes well, I plan to add the family in the following week (dh has agreed in so much as he can with work, which will be difficult. He's got a 24/7 job) and i am also contemplating how to handle my teen. Texting IS the way she communicates with her friends. We are a zero social media family, so that's not hard, but I feel like if I cut off texting it's basically isolating her completely. Does the book you recommend deal with any of that?

I have actually been using my Apple Watch. I can feel the tap, glance at the text, decide if it needs an immediate response. And I can leave my phone in another room. If I do have to respond, I have to be very aware that I don't just check my email while I'm there, then....

The kids haven't ever had their own phones. I have allowed them to use mine to, say, text Grandma to see when she'd like her lawn cut. And DS10 requested to check his messages. It didn't even occur to me that he hadn't told his old friends from before the move he'd be away from screens, and it seemed reasonable that he check and communicate.

I check my email occasionally throughout the day. If I have expecting an important reply, I flag it to notify me on the lock screen.

How are you doing? I neglected the thread and now it's Tuesday!

 

ETA: The book does deal with teens and their social lives, but I do apologize. I didn't really read that part because it didn't apply, and I was so glad to find a part that didn't apply, lol!

Edited June 27, 2017 by arctic_bunny

[Arctic Bunny]

Arctic Bunny, thank you for sharing your experiences. I read this book and really wanted to try it. We haven't yet. Unfortunately my kids' school uses iPads exclusively--I hate it!--so we could not do it during the school year. Now that summer is here, I am thinking about it again. Since I work outside the home, I'd have to password protect and somehow lock up every device (we have a lot) while I am gone. Also, not sure how I'd handle my dd, who uses tech to mostly keep in touch with friends, although she does waste some time on other things as well. I'm also curious how you will bring back tech. I'm not sure how reintroducing it works (it's been a bit since I read the book) I feel like my ds14 would immediately go back to old habits. Half of what makes tech so bad with him is we do limit it and it's just a constant argument about when he can get back on, how much time he can get, why he can't have more, etc. Not sure how that would change after a fast, IYKWIM.

This is my biggest concern, as well. I do feel that we all have experience behind us saying, yes, there are other things you can do. And we (grown ups) can all see how much more smoothly mornings go without iPads. So those can just stay locked up all night. And we know we can go out without iPads or Nintendo DSs and make it. Etc, etc. So now that we've all taken a step back, cleared our heads, we can hopefully see that the kids and DH playing a game for x amount of time is them doing an activity they enjoy, but no, it doesn't have to be the first thing you think of when you walk in the door.

The book definitely has suggestions for teens and texting, but as I said in a PP, I skimmed that part!

[Arctic Bunny]

I wish I could do this. Maybe my kids would be nicer to each other and DD would focus better. DH turned a movie on for them first thing yesterday morning and you could really see it in their attitudes at breakfast. But I need a nap (and a shower) every day and the only way to keep them out of trouble is to have them watch a movie.

It definitely is a daunting task to think about. FWIW, the book does have guidelines as to what sorts of TV/movies do not trigger the dopamine. It's just that we haven't had TV for years, and only watch a bit of iTunes or Netflix, so not our biggest concern. Like maaaaybe an hour a week, or two weeks. So we have watched a couple more movies than usual during the screen fast, as a family. But you'd have to read up on how different kinds of programs affect the brain.

[Arctic Bunny]

DS12 has become more open to ideas and being creative. He was building things out of bamboo skewers and also suggested we ride our bikes to a convenience store. He suggested a "date" with me to a library or bookstore where we could just browse and sit. To me this is huge: looked out yesterday to where he was supposed to be mowing the lawn, to see him practicing his karate, which we left when we moved, and the one here won't start up until September.

Despite no screens, the boy did manage to NOT hand in school work when it was due. The only upside, because there always has to be an upside, is that when he was told by his teachers on Friday, he did make arrangements with them, including meeting them at the school on the weekend. And then he completed them well, and exceeded the highest criteria in the assignments. Which is certainly different than just get something good enough done.

 

However, DH was not all that impressed (ahem) and took away screens for another week. I screamed "No!" in my head. Later I said how doing that makes it seems like the whole three weeks were a punishment. He looks at me in all seriousness and says, "Weren't they?" So, yeah.... explained the whole health thing AGAIN, yada yada. Yesterday he told DS12 that he could erase that week by mowing the lawn. Do I reiterate to the kids how this was not a punishment?