Accelerated Learner forums question

[MamaSprout]

Where have all the people on the TAG forums gone? When dd was very young they were busy and felt like I could ask lots of (non-academic) questions. Now I feel like I'm coughing during a theater performance when I ask a question because no one seems to post on them anymore. Facebook lacks privacy. Where has everyone gone?

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I'm not interested in joining Facebook, but I'm guessing there are plenty of gifted communities on there. 

I'm just not comfortable with sharing my worries and issues with my name attached to it. I've tossed up setting up a Facebook account with a pseudonym, but I'm not really comfortable with that either.

 

I read the Davidson Gifted Issues forums regularly, but I'm not a user on there. I may join it one day if I feel the need.

 

This board has been my best resource and I really love this community. Everyone is helpful, supportive and knowledgable across many domains.

[MamaSprout]

Yeah, Davidson is mostly families with kiddos in school, and is also indexed by search engines like this one is. I've never particularly cared for the "vibe" over there, either. Oh well...

Edited June 11, 2017 by elladarcy

[Guest]

I left bc I am not interested in conversations with people who push their children or those who don't really understand mathematics and are pushing memorizing. I found more of my kind here, and its collaborative. Competitive parents are a dime a dozen in my home community. Those that advocate knowing and understanding are as rare as PG dc...and the ones I.have met are the parents of the HG and PG.

Edited June 11, 2017 by Heigh Ho

[SkateLeft]

I left because I got tired of the constant one-upping (an issue with so many GT communities) and posts by folks with very young children asking the same questions over and over. I just wasn't getting anything out of it anymore.

[Mike in SA]

Which TAG forum are you referring to?  Just curious.

 

Most of those forums, including the talent search sites, seem to be full of the "how do I keep up with the Joneses" participants.  We've found only a handful of resources that actually seem to "get" what it's like to raise a PG kid.

[Rush]

I read the books, google and talk to kids psycho :)

[quark]

I started my own! 😊

 

Or I come here.

 

TAGMAX was ok for about one year but like a pp said, it got exhausting for me to navigate poster intentions. People there rarely got my situation. There is a TAG family offshoot called TAG PDQ that was helpful for a while and might still be active?

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I started my own! 😊

 

Or I come here.

 

TAGMAX was ok for about one year but like a pp said, it got exhausting for me to navigate poster intentions. People there rarely got my situation. There is a TAG family offshoot called TAG PDQ that was helpful for a while and might still be active?

 

You started your own forum?

 

Would you be willing to post a link to that for us?

[Mike in SA]

Ah, those.  Yeah, not as useful as some DYS spin-offs.  Our local one has been decent - mainly to bring groups together from across the state.

[epi]

Where have all the people on the TAG forums gone?

What do you mean by "TAG forums"?

 

[quark]

Weird DP 🤔

Edited June 11, 2017 by quark

[quark]

You started your own forum?

 

Would you be willing to post a link to that for us?

I wish I could but it is location specific and the other mods and I wish to keep it small for privacy purposes. We have kids involved in very non traditional pursuits while still young and why it is a small, highly private group.

 

I wanted to say that it is not hard to start your own, depending on where you live and who you know. If you can find one other interested, same-wavelength family, you can avoid burnout by splitting the moderating duties.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I wish I could but it is location specific and the other mods and I wish to keep it small for privacy purposes. We have kids involved in very non traditional pursuits while still young and why it is a small, highly private group.

 

I wanted to say that it is not hard to start your own, depending on where you live and who you know. If you can find one other interested, same-wavelength family, you can avoid burnout by splitting the moderating duties.

 

I completely understand.  :)

 

I wish we could find more same-wavelengthy people IRL ... we're a bit isolated in some respects.

[Mike in SA]

I completely understand.  :)

 

I wish we could find more same-wavelengthy people IRL ... we're a bit isolated in some respects.

 

I hear that!  We've tried several times in our very local area, and although we have found a couple of families with PG and 2E challenges, there wasn't enough critical mass to keep anything going.

 

We all figure we're just on our own to some extent.

 

This forum has been the best we've found overall.

 

[MamaSprout]

Which TAG forum are you referring to?  Just curious.

 

Most of those forums, including the talent search sites, seem to be full of the "how do I keep up with the Joneses" participants.  We've found only a handful of resources that actually seem to "get" what it's like to raise a PG kid.

 

There are others, like Quark mentions, but I don't see a problem with linking these;

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/on-line_support.htm

[MamaSprout]

I read the books, google and talk to kids psycho :)

 

Our psych we used is 2 states and 6 year years ago...

[MamaSprout]

I do find a bit of a tribe here, but it really is an academic focus. Dd is, oddly, kind of easy academically at the moment (other than I'm sure I'm not meeting her needs in math... but I digress). We're just really looking for the peers/ parenting part, I guess.

[Runningmom80]

This one is the best imo. It's been slower over the past year I've noticed. I would love to talk about non academic GT issues.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Oh, I've got plenty of issues  ;)

 

Where shall I start ....

 

One of my biggest issues is where that fine line is between expected/normal GT behaviour and something more or something clinical.

 

That sounds so grey. For example, where does an OE end and a clinical condition start?

 

I've been *this close* to seeking professional help a number of times, and then the wave passes and life is back on track again.

 

And while I'm rambling, I'll also say that I'm afraid to seek professional help, because how many psychologists know that much about gifted issues? I've read a lot about the lack of knowledge in the field and the risks of misdiagnosis. *sigh*

 

Thanks for listening  :o

 

 

[Lawyer&Mom]

This one is the best imo. It's been slower over the past year I've noticed. I would love to talk about non academic GT issues.

Like what? Let's get this party started.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I'm at the party, standing alone by the punchbowl, nervously nibbling on cheezels ...

[Lawyer&Mom]

We had the neuropsych evelations for Dd 3.5 this week. I know she's gifted. I suspect she may be autistic. The doctor was great, but I have huge doubts about anyone's ability to tease out these conditions in a 3.5 year old girl. So if there is room by the punch bowl, I'll join you.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

We had the neuropsych evelations for Dd 3.5 this week. I know she's gifted. I suspect she may be autistic. The doctor was great, but I have huge doubts about anyone's ability to tease out these conditions in a 3.5 year old girl. So if there is room by the punch bowl, I'll join you.

 

I've poured you a glass  :001_smile:

 

I wouldn't even know how to get started with a neuropsych.  Do they even exist here? Do you need to go to a standard GP first? And I'd need to really work out for myself what I'd be aiming to get out of it.

My daughter is now 11 and our main issues are anxiety-related. What's 'normal' and what's not. That's my worry.

 

I think I need another glass of punch.

 

Maybe we need a thread titled 'By the punchbowl'.

 

Thanks Ella, for instigating this.

[quark]

I'm here too. The punch is just right, not too sweet. And the company, divine. 😊

[chocolate-chip chooky]

:seeya:

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Quark, the things you'd said over the time I've been here have been really, really helpful.

It helps to know that some of our concerns are not just us and others have weathered them too.

 

My current thinking with my intense, anxiety-ridden 11 year old, is that her brain needs feeding. If she isn't intellectually stimulated enough, then her brain finds other sources of stimulation ie worry.

And once the worry loops begin, they deepen and strengthen, and become ruts she just can't get out of. Then it can tip into OCD-ish behaviours. I've warbled on about this before. I'm a broken record  :mellow:

 

She's just so aware of so many things, but doesn't have the life experiences to know the probabilities of things actually happening. I have examples aplenty. I may need to pull up a comfy chair by this punch bowl.

 

 

[Lawyer&Mom]

It was stupidly easy to get to a neuropsych here. Mentioned my concerns to my pediatrician, she gave me a list of names and I was quickly able to get an appointment for the next month.

 

Of course we are paying out of pocket and we live in a major city. I've heard it can be really difficult.

 

Trying to find a neuropsych for myself is a whole different ball game. I've emailed and called four different doctors and have had zero response. Grrr.

[Pegs]

~sidles on up to the punchbowl~

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Hi Pegs  :seeya:

 

You'll know what cheezels are too!

 

Num, num, num. I'll even share.  :)

[kathkath]

Oh, I've got plenty of issues ;)

 

Where shall I start ....

 

One of my biggest issues is where that fine line is between expected/normal GT behaviour and something more or something clinical.

 

That sounds so grey. For example, where does an OE end and a clinical condition start?

 

I've been *this close* to seeking professional help a number of times, and then the wave passes and life is back on track again.

 

And while I'm rambling, I'll also say that I'm afraid to seek professional help, because how many psychologists know that much about gifted issues? I've read a lot about the lack of knowledge in the field and the risks of misdiagnosis. *sigh*

 

Thanks for listening :o

AMEN TO THAT!!!!

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Does anyone like the idea of a private group?

 

Would that mean that our topics and key words can't be google-searched and lead to us?

 

Perhaps some of us would be more comfortable talking about our AL issues in a more private setting?

 

 

PS. I have no idea how to do this. I'm a technophobe and I'm hoping someone will chime in and say 'I'll do it!'  If you all think it's a good idea, that is.

[4Kiddos]

I don't even know what a TAG group is but I am so very grateful for the group here. You have all helped me so incredibly much over the past four or so years. You have reassured me in the craziness and helped me so very much especially with math. I am so very grateful. I have noticed it being quiet here more than usual but I figured everyone is busy.

Edited June 13, 2017 by 4Kiddos

[4KookieKids]

I don't know what a private group entails. I do so appreciate this group as well, but I'm never certain if/when non-academic talk is ok (so sometimes I post things on the chat board that I really think have more to do with AL-craziness than the actual subject of my post - if that makes any sense?). I like that this group is more private than facebook, but I do sometimes worry about privacy... Hence why I recently changed my username here, actually - I realized that I had used the same one in too many places and I wanted to afford my kids a bit more privacy if someone local ended up on the board and recognized my name from something else. I don't usually discuss either E of my 2E kids with local folks. I just don't feel like it would be helpful to me or them...

 

My oldest will be 8 in August, and I benefit so much from the wisdom and experience of folks on this board!

[TerriM]

Yeah.... I probably should've chosen something less identifiable for my username.  I think twice about what I post.

[MamaSprout]

Wow, I go to work, and you all break out the punch and cheezels...

 

I've "owned" a Yahoo group before, and it's pretty simple to manage the privacy settings. It's as secure as anything on Yahoo... Not sure about other forum-type formats. Open to suggestions. Or PM me if I've completely overlooked busy private forum somewhere that isn't location specific. And likes punch.

[SeaConquest]

At 8.5, our OEs and anxieties seem to be calming down these days (in tandem with him seeming less gifted overall vs. what he was like a few years ago). But, I'm petrified that this is likely just the calm before the puberty storm.

 

I really want to eavesdrop on Quark's secret group.

 

Eta: Don't mind me if I spike my punch.

Edited June 13, 2017 by SeaConquest

[Pegs]

SeaConquest, the punch was spiked lonnnng ago.

 

I can't tell which E is which in my 2E kid. It's really shaken my confidence, having the disability be official but the IQ somewhat overlooked. Feeds into my imposter syndrome in a big way, which is embarrassing to admit.

[purpleowl]

Social groups here can be set to private, can't they?

[4KookieKids]

Yeah.... I probably should've chosen something less identifiable for my username.  I think twice about what I post.

 

You can change it! I only discovered that this week. :)

[Jackie]

It was stupidly easy to get to a neuropsych here. Mentioned my concerns to my pediatrician, she gave me a list of names and I was quickly able to get an appointment for the next month.

Lucky! I called every neurospych I could find within a halfway reasonable driving distance. Not a single one would see a child for "behavioral concerns", only if there was a known physical brain issue.

 

We ended up at a clinical psych this past spring. It ended up being good enough to get us started on a path, at least. DD ended up with pretty much exactly the diagnoses I expected, I wasn't surprised by the IQ, and she found several details I hadn't figured out yet.

 

I'm enjoying the spiked punch.

[TerriM]

You can change it! I only discovered that this week. :)

 

But doesn't everything you quote (like above) stay with your old name?

 

I think if I have to post something super private, I'll just start a new account....

[Grover]

I belong to an internationally based private forum.  It's a good place to vent.  You could message me if you want the joining info.  You can keep your cheezels though.  Bleurch.  I'm cilling to share my burger rings.

[quark]

I hope that is one never ending, all-hour punch bowl! 😊 Life is crazier here than usual and I hope to chime in tomorrow. Meanwhile, if you don't mind facebook, it is easy to set up a secret non searchable facebook group. I have also managed yahoo groups but don't like what yahoo has become. We could also start a social group here, no?

[quark]

I said I'd come back tomorrow but this post is gnawing at me and I will be unable to sleep with that going on...besides, it's technically "tomorrow" here.  :laugh:

 

My current thinking with my intense, anxiety-ridden 11 year old, is that her brain needs feeding. If she isn't intellectually stimulated enough, then her brain finds other sources of stimulation ie worry.

And once the worry loops begin, they deepen and strengthen, and become ruts she just can't get out of. Then it can tip into OCD-ish behaviours. I've warbled on about this before. I'm a broken record  :mellow:

 

She's just so aware of so many things, but doesn't have the life experiences to know the probabilities of things actually happening. I have examples aplenty. I may need to pull up a comfy chair by this punch bowl.

 

If this sounds silly please chalk it up to it being past my bedtime after a very busy day...

 

I think these kids are constantly searching for something you know? Some truth, some answer to those questions that are always circulating within. I don't feel that I am as smart as my kiddo but even with that limitation, my mind is constantly working, always needing to chomp on something. By the time I am done thinking through all these things in one day, I am already exhausted! Kiddo and I are not physically active by any stretch of the imagination, but kiddo is so mentally active, always thinking all the time and finds it hard to sleep early because of that. I used to be that way and then age hit and now I feel so tired each day from just thinking. When I have nothing else to think about I create new projects for myself (just painted every bit of furniture in my house that I could, yes, even kiddo's prized black study desk is now a pristine white lol). And I do this even after working a few hours a day outside the home. I am always searching, needing to do something with my hands, my mind, my thoughts, needing to see some kind of end result, something productive. And if that project ends up looking pretty, I finally feel some satisfaction from having been productive. That's my quest...being productive, hopefully creating something meaningful and pretty at the end of the day and if possible having helped someone in some way too.  Today, I did not create anything pretty so I started researching bullet journals, grabbed an old half used moleskin notebook and just finished a BJ spread. Now I think I can go to sleep feeling somewhat satisfied with my day. This despite an already really busy day. And I am not even half as intellectual/ mental stimulation-requiring as my offspring.

 

So...given how young our kids are...what can they control? They cannot go out there and buy paint and furniture as easily as we can for example. They cannot adopt a dog out of the blue (another one of my projects when I needed more stimulation). They end up thinking because it is the easiest thing available to them. Being kids, they don't have the life experience to know that everyone makes mistakes, and that most everyone learns from those mistakes, or that people can get sick and pass away but that people can also get sick and get well. They probably know these things but their thoughts are not solid enough in a way that could give them reassurance like our more experienced minds do. At least that's what I think happens. You could have been describing my kid in your post because this is exactly what my A does too.

 

I've had to show a lot of tough love. I know it's probably not the best thing for every kid but for A I think it works. Again, I worry when I do it because I used to "hide" a lot as a kid. I would pretend I was ok just so others would not be worried about me or so they would not bug me. I hope that's not what A is doing. A is a much happier kid than I was when I was a kid so I think perhaps A is ok after all. But maybe I will never know. But what I do is to hug and love and baby A in some ways but also show tough love when I think that's what will help. I tough love A by giving A a purpose. Caring for the dogs, helping at the library, teaching math to others, cleaning the house for me when I am away at work etc. I praise A when I come home and always, always try my best to show how much I appreciate this kid. But the kid needs to have something that helps project feelings away from inner turmoil and towards expending that energy on others. I give A structure. I give A rules. I show A that I expect high standards but that I can also be silly about them. When we use energy with a purpose we feel so much better about ourselves.

 

Time has really helped A a lot. It was a day-by-day thing though. It did not always work. There were times when I just wanted to hug A tight and rock my baby to sleep. The anxiety was so crippling some days. But we pulled through by finding a purpose (or several purposes). We learned to create our own happiness. Honestly, I joke with people that I spent on my dogs what I could have spent on therapists and reaped so much more in return. Our dogs have multiple personalities and whole stories revolving around them for the simple reason that it makes us laugh every day and almost every time we are together. Anyone listening in would think we are truly off our rockers but that's what I do to give this kid the ability to create joy from within. Books help as do some TV shows (I Love Lucy was a huge help a while back). But nothing gets us laughing more than the funny dog stories we make up.

 

I did this because at the time I was not in a position to seek professional help. Luckily A seems to have grown out of that extreme anxiety. We are seeking professional help now but for another reason and I think A has enough inner strength now to cope well even if we did not end up using this therapist for long. But some kids will need that help, I wish I knew for sure which kids and when and it's something you will need to figure out. You might need to figure it out via lots of trial and error but don't be afraid to make those errors. We cannot always know everything right? Just like our kids, we need to make certain errors in judgment to learn from them.

 

I know you have chickens so maybe it's not animals that she needs. Maybe she needs a different purpose. Or maybe she just needs to know she is heard.

[MamaSprout]

I belong to an internationally based private forum.  It's a good place to vent.  You could message me if you want the joining info.  You can keep your cheezels though.  Bleurch.  I'm cilling to share my burger rings.

 

Do you think it is open to the types of questions the posters on this thread seem to have? If something exists, I don't want spread people too thin.

[4KookieKids]

But doesn't everything you quote (like above) stay with your old name?

 

I think if I have to post something super private, I'll just start a new account....

 

No it doesn't! It's cool. I went back to check posts I made from years ago, and even posts where other people quoted me from years ago, and it's all in the new name. :) Private messages, everything.

[MamaSprout]

Quark, the things you'd said over the time I've been here have been really, really helpful.

It helps to know that some of our concerns are not just us and others have weathered them too.

 

My current thinking with my intense, anxiety-ridden 11 year old, is that her brain needs feeding. If she isn't intellectually stimulated enough, then her brain finds other sources of stimulation ie worry.

And once the worry loops begin, they deepen and strengthen, and become ruts she just can't get out of. Then it can tip into OCD-ish behaviours. I've warbled on about this before. I'm a broken record  :mellow:

 

She's just so aware of so many things, but doesn't have the life experiences to know the probabilities of things actually happening. I have examples aplenty. I may need to pull up a comfy chair by this punch bowl.

 

We got rid of network/ cable TV 17 years ago, and all of our kids have had less trouble with anxiety. With our last dd, we no longer take summers completely off, either, and limit her screen time. No endless news cycle on TV has helped my own anxiety, too.

 

The last time we tried to take summer off, it was a disaster. Brain feeding is a constant thing that needs tending. It's like being the guy that shovels coal into the boiler of an old steam locomotive. So in the summer, we have self-directed structured activities (although really all of our subjects are self-directed in the sense that she has significant say in what she studies and how she does it.)

 

Diet matters a lot for this last one, too. The week after Easter was really bad around here.

 

My kiddo is away at an overnight camp this week for the first time, and three days in, I'm realizing how intense she is. She is on all.the.time. 6am to 10pm. Everyday.

 

She has friends, but now I see why she gets invited over maybe once every six weeks. She wears 'em out.

 

Hang in there. Just one day at time.

 

[Mike in SA]

A slightly different perspective here...

 

I think this site does well while others struggle because it fulfills a purpose - several, probably.  Among the big needs we as AL parents have: 

 

First, we need to know what our academic options are.  This site hits the nail on the head.  As far as I can tell, the majority of identified PG kids are home schooled because they have no other options.  Identifying and implementing advanced curriculum is challenging, and this site addresses the challenge head-on, and efficiently.

 

Second, we need to find ways to keep the kids happy, or at least sated.  Activities are not really the problem.  I don't believe most of our kids are really starved for activities (though they may be demanding ones!). We can find activities.  However, because of their quirks, it can be very difficult for our kids to find peers who are like-minded.  This site offers no help on this front, and does not pretend to.  I would have to say that is the single largest void we, as parents, have not been able to address successfully.

 

Third, we need to know we aren't crazy.  For that, private conversations are essential.  We can research blogs and read others' posts to gain some valuable insight, but we and our kids are not living a normal life.  We may try to make it as normal as possible, but the reality is these kids defy norms.  Most people assume we are vainly forcing our children to exceed their natural limits.  They cannot comprehend that we are trying to slow them, allow them to mature, encourage them to engage with a population that is so thoroughly unlike them.  They cannot understand that we might happily have "normal" kids, if only our kids would be happy as a result.  They don't grasp how a 10-year old could pull herself out of organized play activities because they are too intense, or how a 3-year old could prefer days of starvation above eating a strange new food.  The only things I have seen other adults recognize correctly are that the kids are unusually bright, and that their eccentricities are part of who they are and how they think.

 

I would love to find a network to discuss challenges.  I fear, though, that in order to go broadly enough to find like-minded families, the forum would have to become one of the "others."  If we only aim to tackle need #3, a private group may be successful.  If it's #1, then we could splinter and actually do damage to other families yet to face our challenges.

 

Personally, I'm game for anything - raising HG/PG kids is just that nutty.

[Grover]

Do you think it is open to the types of questions the posters on this thread seem to have? If something exists, I don't want spread people too thin.

 

I don't know what you mean.

 

The forum is private = not searchable so it's been very good for venting / asking those questions I can't ask in general population.  Being a forum we "get to know" each other and our kids.  Those with older kids help younger, etc.  I like it...it has certainly saved my sanity to be able to talk in "safety" with those who get it, without those who don't weighing in.