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Social Experiences of College Commuters/Transfer Students


Jazzy
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My husband and I both went to a 4 yr university right out of high school and lived on campus.  We met there and were college sweethearts.  We were very active in campus organizations, and we still hang out with friends we made during those 4 years.

 

There's a good chance that some of our children may live at home and commute to college (we have several within easy driving distance) or begin at CC and transfer to an in state university after 2 years.  I imagine this might make it more difficult for them to interact socially, especially for students who transfer into a school after freshman year when social circles are initially formed.  How do students who commute/transfer develop social lives on campus? 

Edited by Jazzy
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No answers, but agreeing it is more of a challenge. I was a commuter my first year. Everyone seemed to make friends on campus in the evening (for boarders) or hung out with their old high school friends (commuters). I moved onto campus my second year and almost instantly felt connected.

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It depends upon how away you live, at least it did for me. When we were 30 minutes away (40+ highway miles), it didn't make sense to hang out on campus for one evening activity if class ended at 2. 

 

Now we're 10 minutes from school and can easily go back for evening stuff. For me, that is where I found the friendship opportunities, that and hanging out in the hallway between classes, going to lunch with classmates off campus, things like that. 

 

Ds's schedule this year was crazy and would have been horrible to try a longer commute. Two days a week he as done by 10 am, so I'd run him home after his class because I didn't get done until 5 or later. 

 

Being available to do things at the last minute helps too. If my son were the only student and commuted, I'd would change expectations about when he might be home. Get togethers and study groups and going out often pop up at the last minute, so it's nice to not feel like you have to rush home because you're expected. 

 

 

 

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Judging by the new hires at my company over the last two decades - very few people marry their college sweetheart anyways - these young men and women formed their social circles at outside work activities (such as around coed softball, soccer, volleyball, etc) and met people through those networks.  It was the same for me many decades ago at a different company.

 

This may not hold true in a very small company.

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I think it really depends on the school, the particular student population (are they seeking friends, or are they just there to get the degree), and the individual student's personality and whether or not the student maintains social activities and friends from other spheres in addition to college.

 

Many moons ago when I was in college, most of my social life was around either friends I'd maintained from high school, or new friends I made at church (there was a big group of college-age and people in their 20s at the church).

 

I did also make some new friends in some classes -- I met my sweetheart who became DH in a class on campus, but like me, none of these people lived on campus or were into the Greek scene, and our social lives were not based around the college and events there. We made our own social plans -- sometimes eating lunch or dinner together on campus or going to a football game or movie or other on-campus event, but just as often doing something off campus.

 

I also worked part time on campus in a student job (video production), with about a dozen other students, so as co-workers, we all tended to bond pretty closely as friends because of the nature of crewing together on shoots.

 

I lived 5 miles away and only had a bike for transportation, but probably once a week or so I would either stay on campus for an evening event or bike back onto campus to meet a friend or future-DH to go to some event.

 

Fast-forward to DSs much more recent experiences, and to very different campus life.

 

They both started at the local community college, so no one lived on campus, all commuted. While there are regular social events and activities at the CC, most people attending the CC just go to classes to get their credits or Associate's and don't go to events or tend to make friends there, as it is a very temporary "pit stop" on their overall college/career track.

 

When DS#1 transferred to a 4-year university (in a different city) for his last 2 years, he had no problems living on campus and integrating into campus life. Students seemed to enjoy going to events or eating together on campus -- and the dorm-dwellers did seem closer as friends than the commuters -- BUT, most students even at this particular university seem to be there to study and get their degree, and not use school as a platform for making life-long friends or meeting future spouses.

 

Even though DS lived in a dorm and was a dorm leader and was close with some of the RAs and other dorm residents, I don't think he has maintained contact with any of the friends he made in his 2 years at the university -- they might be on the fringe of his Facebook, at most.

 

DS is still in contact with homeschool high school friends, and friends from church and esp. his college/20s bible study group.

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I think it depends heavily on the school.

 

Dd was a commuter student at a mostly residential college -- she was one of only 6 freshman out of about 1000 to live off-campus freshman year. Socializing was challenging simply because so much of life was oriented around the dorms -- like the ENTIRE freshman orientation! We live about two miles from campus and she had her own car, so she found it easy to hop back and forth for evening events, but I imagine that even a 20-minute drive might make that a challenge.

 

I know other moms whose kids live at home and attend colleges that are less heavily residential. Living at home seems less of a social challenge when more students live off-campus.

 

As far as transferring goes, it IS possible to find your crowd as a transfer student -- my daughter and I both did! I was able to live on campus (long story -- I didn't think I would be able to) and I lived in a French House that provided lots of camaraderie and support.  My dd transferred to a conservatory, and she has found her tribe there. I do know other transfers who never really found their group at the new school, so I think it depends. Missing freshman orientation and the freshman classes does mean you miss out on some major bonding-type activities!

Edited by Gwen in VA
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It's definitely a different experience. If the CC has a club or activity that would interest your student, that's one way to make friends--it's pretty hard to make friends just in class. My son does have a few acquaintances from classes that he likes to stop and talk to, but no one that is so close that they have contacted each other at home. His main social connections are friends from high school who are still in the area, and a college Christian ministry at an area church, and our home church. I'd prefer the 4-year experience in some ways, but it's just not affordable for us. OTOH, it was probably better for this student to have the more gradual transition to college that CC allows, and that's an aspect my dd is looking forward to as well.

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Keep in mind that even living on campus as a freshman is no  guarantee that a good circle of friends will be established.  Every year, there are plenty of students posting to College Confidential, lonely and friendless, wanting to transfer or come home. 

 

 

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I notice that it is harder for commuter students to be involved if they expect to drive home right after classes. Study groups and help sessions and many student organizations often meet in the evenings. If a student is aware of that and plans accordingly, it should not be a problem.

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I was a commuter student and I wouldn't change it.  To this day I am mystified by people that think dorms are a good thing.  Intellectually I understand that they can be good.   But, inside, nope I'm not buying it.  That could be my INTJ talking.  But, everything I heard then from kids in dorms was that they wanted OUT as quickly as possible, and that wasn't just from my school.  It seemed to be deliberately insanity-inducing.  

 

My college had a locked study room for every major.   They wouldn't tell you about it at orientation, but you heard about it from word-of-mouth and you could get a key from the office if you knew to ask.  They'd be furnished with discarded office or home furniture.   Usually had a fridge, some desks and some comfy places to sit.   I met my key friends there.   I loved our room.  It was undesirable as a lecture room because it had a solid line of windows on three sides and was off the main building entrance.   But, that made it the perfect meeting room.  

 

Some colleges the social life centers around greek life, some around dorm life.  

 

 

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My college had a locked study room for every major.   They wouldn't tell you about it at orientation, but you heard about it from word-of-mouth and you could get a key from the office if you knew to ask.  They'd be furnished with discarded office or home furniture.   Usually had a fridge, some desks and some comfy places to sit.   I met my key friends there.   I loved our room.  It was undesirable as a lecture room because it had a solid line of windows on three sides and was off the main building entrance.   But, that made it the perfect meeting room.  

 

 

*sigh* We had been working on one for our department and it got nixed when the state budget cuts hit.  :glare:

 

Spaces to hang out is something that is invaluable for my friends. We have tables in our hallway, but they're right outside classrooms and you're not supposed to be loud. We could all walk to the library to hang out and use a study room, but it's nice to chat with professors as they come and go or other students. 

 

Another consideration for a commuter student is food budget. In our building, we have one food option that serves hot breakfast and lunch. It's not cheap and often it's more economical to go out. We don't have a fridge either, so it's just one more thing to cart around a lunch from home. During the school year a larger portion of my grocery budget goes to eating out. There are days I'm there from 8 to 6, so usually one meal and a snack. 

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*sigh* We had been working on one for our department and it got nixed when the state budget cuts hit.  :glare:

 

Spaces to hang out is something that is invaluable for my friends. We have tables in our hallway, but they're right outside classrooms and you're not supposed to be loud. We could all walk to the library to hang out and use a study room, but it's nice to chat with professors as they come and go or other students. 

 

Another consideration for a commuter student is food budget. In our building, we have one food option that serves hot breakfast and lunch. It's not cheap and often it's more economical to go out. We don't have a fridge either, so it's just one more thing to cart around a lunch from home. During the school year a larger portion of my grocery budget goes to eating out. There are days I'm there from 8 to 6, so usually one meal and a snack. 

 

Doesn't every building have a room that no one likes to use for some reason?   Locking the door and making a bunch of keys should be the only above and beyond expense.  Furnishings were obviously professor hand-me-downs.  

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Doesn't every building have a room that no one likes to use for some reason?   Locking the door and making a bunch of keys should be the only above and beyond expense.  Furnishings were obviously professor hand-me-downs.  

 

sadly our part of the building does not. The one room not being currently used is set aside for the university admin, we already asked. 

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