Talking on phone, anyone else have an impossible time with it?

[IfIOnly]

I feel like it's too overwhelming and that maybe it's the multitasking and being interrupted aspect of it, the kids needing me, etc. It seems I get less able to handle multitasking as the years go by! I used to be able to talk with at least DH and good friends, though I've managed to get most of my loved ones to text. Most of my mom-friends are okay with that and prefer that MO anyway shen were not able to get together and talk. There are a few people who would like me to call more, but I really can do this anymore. It's too difficult and nit just a preference. I'm not sure if there's a good way to discuss this and have been avoiding the convo. Maybe hearing other experiences could help me clarify my thoughts and figure out how to talk to others about it. Thank you!

[Rosie_0801]

I have a problem talking on the phone, but that's mostly because I have to be standing on a chair outside to get decent reception, and even that's not guaranteed if there is cloud cover or the wind is blowing.  :glare:

 

 

[Guest]

I prefer to type or talk to someone in person. I always feel like I should be able to multitask on the phone but it takes too much attention and so I feel overwhelmed or like I can't concentrate on what is being said because I'm still getting the auditory and visual input from my house and kids.

 

If I'm typing I don't have to filter for voices.

 

If they're there, I can focus on them with both the visual and auditory faculties.

 

 

 

 

Phone calls are too much and too little all at once and stress me out. I thought I was the only weirdo with this problem.

[Guest]

I can't. My ringtone is a recording I made of silence. I probably won't ever have the nerve to really do it, but if I could, I would call people up and say "Text me." and hang up, the same way they text me and say "call me" but won't tell me if my mother just died or if they want to talk about the sportsball game on the teevee.

 

Some of the people who really wish that those of us who communicate best in print would call them more often might be thrilled to receive an old fashioned paper letter. I had to do that with one of my kids for temporary work related reasons and I've been shocked at how many of my internet peeps have said nice things about it and talked about how much they miss paper letters.

Edited May 26, 2017 by Guest

[DawnM]

I keep hearing this from people.  Is it the onset of the digital age and texting/emails/facebook, etc...are just more the norm?

 

I still have between 2500-3000 minutes used on my phone every month.  I LOVE to talk on the phone.  I am so thankful there is no long distance anymore.  My friends are all over and many of us talk weekly.  My best friend lives in Seattle and we talk at least an hour a week.  Another very close friend lives in VA and we talk a couple of hours per week.  And there are others (obviously if I talk that much on the phone!)

 

 

[Carrie12345]

I can still talk to my mom and sister for hours and enjoy it.  I like shorter phone calls with dh when he's traveling. (I mean, I talk to him every day, vs. my family a couple of times a month, so it's not that I like him less, lol.)

 

For everyone else, I prefer to type or speak in person.  If we're face to face, it's probably a designated/arranged time to focus on conversation without interruption, or everyone has kids running around and we're equally distracted.  Typing is quieter, not usually time sensitive, and quicker to get to the point.

[Guest]

I am a phone anxiety person. It's serious enough that it has impacted friendships and things I must do, like appointments I need to make. IME, there is no way to help a phone person understand that you really don't want to communicate this way. I tried it one time and it hurt the relationships. If someone calls me, I don't mind it, but when I try to call someone else, I get caught in a well of what-ifs and I don't make the call. Well, nobody wants to be the only caller in the relationship. They begin to doubt you care or actually like them.

 

Text and Messanger has been a sort of salvation for me. One of my more recently-made friendships developed only from text and in-person interaction. I have never spoken with her on the phone.

 

It is most difficult with my friends who have moved to other states because I can't connect with them in person, so we're basically stuck with phone in order to have a normal conversation.

[marbel]

I don't mind talking on the phone, though I don't really like it.  I prefer people to call me; I always get caught up in worrying that I'm calling at a bad time, which is stupid because that's why there's voicemail or whatever it's called now.  We still have an answering machine on our landline.  (Though we mostly use cell phones.)

 

Then there's the problem of that little delay when people are calling cell-to-cell; I guess that is getting better but that used to drive me crazy.  Phone conversations could be so awkward.

 

But still, if there is someone I really want to talk to, I'm happy to talk on the phone.  I do have to keep paper and pen nearby so I can doodle.  But if it's someone I don't want to talk to, my mind wanders. And I'd better not be sitting by the computer or I will start browsing the internet.  But mostly I have eliminated those boring phone conversations out of my life.

 

Do prefer to text for quick things.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

I've never much liked talking on the phone, but what is nuts is anytime I get on the phone my kids always suddenly become highly interested in me.  I could go an entire day where they might not ask me much of anything, but if I get on the phone...  Good grief. And they are not little. 

 

 

[displace]

I talk daily to family but frequently when the kids are distracted or I'm by myself. Otherwise I just assume it will be a family call and a general hi, no real discussion taking place.

 

I can talk on speaker in my car, but not in the store shopping or other activities. I definitely cannot multitask as well as I used to. Which is one reason homeschooling is so difficult for me.

[Lanny]

Our HOA recently started 4 different WhatsApp Chat groups: One for the lady who is the Administrator (she is our "Legal Representative" and does a great job), one for all of the neighbors, one for our street and one for the Zumba class. That's great IMO. You do not need to respond and you can respond at your convenience.

 

2 weeks ago, we switched to the new phone company.  I have received several hone calls on my Cell phone from them, asking to confirm information, etc. That is really bothering me.  I think if I get another of those calls, I will  put that number on Call Block and/or tell them to stop calling me. I think they are Sales people, but am not sure.  

[TammyS]

I do not like text conversations.  It feels broken up and disjointed to me, totally unnatural.  Plus I feel like I can't do anything because I'm constantly being interrupted by the stupid text alert. 

 

I don't mind text for real messages (get milk, running late, etc), but if you want to talk, then let's TALK.

 

I also don't pretend that I can multitask while I'm on the phone.  I might occasionally do something brainless, if it's at hand, but I don't put pressure on myself to be productive while I'm on the phone, either.

[Storygirl]

I have phone anxiety, too. I always have; it's not related to the availability of texting or other social media. I enjoy phone conversations with family when they are happening, but I rarely initiate them. I won't answer the phone unless I know who is calling. MIL sometimes scolds me for not calling her; I encourage DH to answer the phone when she calls and to make the phone calls to her when necessarily. I count this as doing a service for their relationship, because he wouldn't think to contact her otherwise just to chat.

 

OP, when my kids were little, it was very difficult to talk on the phone. It did require multi-tasking, because I had to have my attention on the children and on the conversation at the same time, even if they were not interrupting. If you want to explain to people why you prefer not to make phone calls at this stage of life, you could say something like, "While I love to talk to you on the phone, I find the constant interruptions from my kids to be frustrating. Can we plan to talk this weekend (or this evening) when I can devote my full attention to the conversation?"

[Lanny]

Now that I have finally migrated from a Dumb phone to a Smart phone (one of the last people to do so), I find that I use my cell phone most of the time  to do things other than talking on a Voice call.  Most of my minutes go unused. We have Minutes to call any number in Colombia (and to numbers in the USA), and we have Minutes to call other Virgin Mobile phone numbers. I use more of the Minutes to call Virgin Mobile numbers, because I'm calling my wife or my DD, to check on something.

 

I had always liked to send SMS/Text messages and my favorite Dumb phone was a Nokia 6800 Messenger that had a full QWERTY keyboard.  I still send SMS/Text messages, but now the majority of the messages I am sending are on WhatsApp, which is free.  

 

 

[J-rap]

I don't mind talking on the phone with good friends, but not when I have distractions.  In high school, I'd talk to my friends all day at school, and then again all evening at home, as far as the cord could stretch.  :)  But with children around, dinner to be made, and everything else, I never felt comfortable tearing myself away from all of that to just chat on the phone.  In fact, I just can't seem to do that when I have a lot of things going on.  

 

Now that my kids are all old enough to take care of themselves, I'm out of the habit of talking on the phone to socialize.  There aren't too many people I feel a need to do this with anymore anyway, except my kids.  Although, I do keep in touch with a lot of good friends -- usually by email, or once-a-year we'll see each other in person and do all of our catching up then.

 

I actually prefer chatting on Skype over just chatting on the phone.

[lavender's green]

I find talking on the phone difficult unless it's with someone I know well, like DH or my mom. Maybe my in-laws. I just have a really hard time reconciling the visual and auditory inputs, especially if something noisy is happening at my house, which is usually the case during normal business hours. I also realized that I rely a lot on facial input (such as lip reading, but also emotions) and body language during a conversation. I can anticipate those things in my mom and DH, as well as their normal mode of speaking, so that's why it's so much easier for me to talk to them.

 

I've been putting off scheduling my kids' physicals for about 8 months because I just don't want to make the stupid phone call. We have a long and unusual last name and I don't like trying to recall their birth dates as though its some sort of mommy quiz (I mean, of course I know their birthdays. It's recalling it in number format, including the year, in a drilling manner that throws me off. Sometimes I actually write them all down, like it's a little cheat sheet).. The receptionist inevitably mis-hears something and we have to start over again and just...ugh. And since our pediatrician is the best one at the practice, he's often booked up and I have to try again in two weeks anyway. I don't care for most of the others.

 

My hair place and eye doctor recently started allowing online scheduling...but then the receptionist calls you to confirm your time and verify your information anyway, so what is the point?!

 

Texting is okay as long as it doesn't turn into a conversation. "Want to meet at the park at 3 for a playdate?" is perfect. But then, other mommies know how difficult it is to have a phone conversation with littles underfoot. Just send a quick text for planning purposes, then we'll chat at the park face-to-face while the kids are occupied. Great. It seems like it's my babysitters who want to sit down and get into a text conversation in the evening right after the kids are in bed and I'm trying to unwind. I can't stand my phone dinging all the time and my fingers didn't grow up texting and can only move so fast! That's a case where I'd rather deal with a five minute on-point phone call.

[Garga]

Don't like the phone at all. I tend to avoid it at all costs.

 

I have a couple of friends who prefer the phone. They know I prefer text. So, we're at a bit of an impasse. We just don't communicate very much anymore unless we finally manage to set up a meeting in person.

[pinkmint]

You are so not the only ones with this issue. 

 

I think Arctic Mama explained it well. 

 

I used to be able to talk on the phone when needed as a teen and young adult but of course that was the 90's and early 2000's when there wasn't much of a choice. Now there's free texting, and I have kids in my home all day either being loud or napping at which point talking on the phone is not worth it. It's hard to know if it's a changing technology thing or a changed season of life thing or both. Plus texting is a natural for an introvert. 

 

I'm with Jim Gaffigan. He says "If you are calling me instead of texting it better be to tell me your hands got chopped off."

[tdbates78]

I'm not a phone person. In those rare moments when I have nothing going on the last thing I feel like doing to chatting on the phone! Wish my MIL would take the hint ;) And my girls can not ask for anything all morning and then as soon as I get on the phone they are a) hungry b) fighting c) has a boo boo that "immediately" needs attention d) all the above!

[SKL]

I have a mental problem with talking on the phone.  I've always been this way.

 

I am OK when my mom or sisters call - I enjoy it then - but I still don't like to initiate calls, even with them.  I'd rather text or email or make a post on facebook.  Even if I felt like chatting, there never seems to be a good time.  I'm either with my kids or supposed to be working, or it's not a reasonable time for me to disturb them.  I don't really like talking on the phone around my kids.  They hear and memorize everything, and the usual conversation is grown-up or confidential stuff.  Plus, in the limited time I have with my kids, I would rather focus on them.  My family calls are rarely short.

 

Friends - well, other than the people I'm in business with, who think the only thing worth talking about is work - I don't have any friends who have my phone number.  And I'm pretty happy with that.

 

Now work calls - I'm pretty sure I can officially say they give me anxiety attacks.  Why can't everyone just email?  Mostly I let them go to voice mail so I can gather myself and then call back on my own terms.  The best is when I get their voice mail and I say, "I'll also follow up with an email" and then hope to get it all accomplished that way.  :P

[Selkie]

I've always despised talking on the phone with anyone other than people I know very well. Making appointments or calling someone I don't know to ask a question are the worst. I get all nervous and sometimes my voice gets weird and shaky - it's so annoying! I have no rational explanation for it because I'm not a scaredy cat in most other areas of my life.

[Selkie]

I keep hearing this from people.  Is it the onset of the digital age and texting/emails/facebook, etc...are just more the norm?

 

I still have between 2500-3000 minutes used on my phone every month.  I LOVE to talk on the phone.  I am so thankful there is no long distance anymore.  My friends are all over and many of us talk weekly.  My best friend lives in Seattle and we talk at least an hour a week.  Another very close friend lives in VA and we talk a couple of hours per week.  And there are others (obviously if I talk that much on the phone!)

 

I don't think I've talked 3000 minutes total in the 20 years that I've had a cell phone!

 

You should start a business making phone calls for people like me who hate it!  :laugh:

[KrissiK]

I hate talking on the phone. I would rather chew my arm off. When I make a new friend I tell them, "I won't call you. It's nothing personal." And most of them understand because they are the same way. When I am on a committee at church I am up front and say, "I don't make phone calls." My BFF and I haven't spoken on the phone in years. But we IM each other every day. As far as the actual ability to talk on the phone.... I usually lock my bedroom door and hide out in my closet to get away from my kids and I don't even try to multi-task.

[Guest]

I have a mental problem with talking on the phone. I've always been this way.

 

I am OK when my mom or sisters call - I enjoy it then - but I still don't like to initiate calls, even with them. I'd rather text or email or make a post on facebook. Even if I felt like chatting, there never seems to be a good time. I'm either with my kids or supposed to be working, or it's not a reasonable time for me to disturb them. I don't really like talking on the phone around my kids. They hear and memorize everything, and the usual conversation is grown-up or confidential stuff. Plus, in the limited time I have with my kids, I would rather focus on them. My family calls are rarely short.

 

Friends - well, other than the people I'm in business with, who think the only thing worth talking about is work - I don't have any friends who have my phone number. And I'm pretty happy with that.

 

Now work calls - I'm pretty sure I can officially say they give me anxiety attacks. Why can't everyone just email? Mostly I let them go to voice mail so I can gather myself and then call back on my own terms. The best is when I get their voice mail and I say, "I'll also follow up with an email" and then hope to get it all accomplished that way. :P

So funny! This is me exactly!

 

For work calls, especially when I need the cooperation of the person I'm calling, I have to psyche myself up; sometimes I write notes so I cover eveything. A couple of years ago, I had to call dozens of subcontractors to get their certificates of insurance. It took me days, just because each one caused so much anxiety. I was actually relieved when a voice mail would pick up.

[Julie Smith]

I find it easy.

 

I have a hands free phone and talk my way through mindless chores such as dishes or laundry.

 

I don't talk on the phone while organizing or decluttering.