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Do your youngers get the bum end in school?


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What I mean by that is :p do you feel like your youngers get as much as the olders?

 

I have four kids and the two oldest are dyslexic and dysgraphic.  we've made astounding progress this last year and they're reading approximately grade level at this point.  But now I need to really focus on writing!  And we're moving into logic stage, more advanced math, more advanced everything really, and of course I can't just turn them loose and say "do it".  They still need some help and a lot of one-on-one, especially as I bump up the expectations a little.

 

My 7 year old reads at a sixth grade level. He reads all the time.  He LOVES science and asks questions constantly.  I would have loved to have done BFSU science with him, or SOME kind of science, but because of my extra focus on LA with the olders, he just kind of gets a "bit" of science.  I mean, besides reading.  But I'm pretty sure he'd LOVE the interaction, the discussion, the hands on stuff, demonstrations, experiments etc.  And he's 7, and that's fine, but I suspect if he was oldest, our school flow would focus a lot more on his needs.  I always feel like he's just tagging along, or i'm fitting him in around the others.  I'm not 100% sure, but I think my youngest may follow the 7 year old's path and be just as interested and motivated.  How can I make more time for them to learn what they'd like to do? I've looked at our day backwards and forwards, sideways and inside out, but there's just only so much time in a day!

Edited by Tawlas
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At that age we use weeknights and weekends to attend hands on science events/classes at the state park, tech museums and science museums. Since only one adult is required to be with the kid, either me or my husband could be with the other kid. My DS11 was a tag along kind of kid letting us (parents) and DS12 choose. Turns out his favorite is bird watching, astronomy, pyrotechnics and aeronautics. One of us (whoever needs to catch a short nap) could stay with DS12 the bookworm while the other could go with DS11 who loves to move.

 

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yes, kind of. I make a real effort to schedule in time for my 1st grader and I find once we start - we both love it and it's easy to keep going. Just getting it built into the routine helps build momentum. But I did have to let go of some control of my older two to do it.

I'm still working on buying time for consistent preschool...

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I LOVE Arcadia's advice. Our libraries have wonderful children's programs and you can get the newsletters and flyers for several. If you're really lucky you may live close to two counties and one small town library not connected with the county ones and in that way you may find real variety in what they offer.

 

Back in FL our Children's Museum had free or very inexpensive programs for kids that you needed to sign up for. Again, signing up for their newsletter is paramount.

 

Nature Centera often have monthly programs or even if it's only once or twice a year.

 

I would make an effort to do special science stuff on special days and weekends and evenings and even Leave the older ones home now and then :)

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Yes.

 

My oldest is a whole pile of ADHD.  He needs a lot of structure, a lot of attention, and he likes to be taught one-on-one hand holding style.  He went to school this year (to a high achieving magnet where every kid has at least a few quirks), to give me time for the others, which has been a good choice for us.

 

My two middles are dyslexic.  They are almost 7 and 9.  The almost 9 year old can (finally!) read most 3 to 5 letter, short vowel words. The almost 7....we've spent 6 months on Barton level 1, LESSON 1.  That's a lot of reading that I'm doing to them and for them.  They also despise anything to do with school, so it's also like I'm dragging them through quicksand every day to do the minimum.

 

And my sweet 4 year old wants "preschool, mama!"  She wants a theme every week, and a craft and hands on and time to paint.  Exactly what I provided for my oldest 2.  And four is my FAVORITE age.  Like so, so much.  I don't want to outsource her 4 year old year, but I'm feeling like I have no choice.  I can outsource her much cheaper than I can outsource dyslexia boys.  

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Yes.

 

My oldest is a whole pile of ADHD. He needs a lot of structure, a lot of attention, and he likes to be taught one-on-one hand holding style. He went to school this year (to a high achieving magnet where every kid has at least a few quirks), to give me time for the others, which has been a good choice for us.

 

My two middles are dyslexic. They are almost 7 and 9. The almost 9 year old can (finally!) read most 3 to 5 letter, short vowel words. The almost 7....we've spent 6 months on Barton level 1, LESSON 1. That's a lot of reading that I'm doing to them and for them. They also despise anything to do with school, so it's also like I'm dragging them through quicksand every day to do the minimum.

 

And my sweet 4 year old wants "preschool, mama!" She wants a theme every week, and a craft and hands on and time to paint. Exactly what I provided for my oldest 2. And four is my FAVORITE age. Like so, so much. I don't want to outsource her 4 year old year, but I'm feeling like I have no choice. I can outsource her much cheaper than I can outsource dyslexia boys.

Yup to that. My 4 year old is going to preschool in the fall too- friends, & painting, & circle time! Etc, I Just don't have it in me anymore.

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Something I used to do was to pick a priority and a passion for each child. Then, I focused on putting my energy and resources into those subjects first. I think it's always challenging though when you have a child with any kind of learning struggle or learning disability, because they do need so much help and one on one. The priority/passion thing helped me to refocus throughout the year whenever I got mired down with all the needs. Focusing on a passion for the struggler also gives that child a place to shine and to "be the expert" for once.

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Yes and no. He doesn't get as much directly but he does get the benefit of a far more prepared learning environment and a mum who knows how to teach the materials much more painlessly than the first kid who was kind of being experimented on. He also gets to tag along to far more cool activities.

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Yes I felt this a lot.  My three older kids all had learning difficulties.  We had dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, dyspraxia, language delay, reading LD not dyslexia, on and on the list goes.  I did pretty well for awhile but once oldest who has the most severe LD's along with ADHD, anxiety, etc was in middle school he required the bulk of my time, brain power and energy.  We also spent those years doing a lot of different therapies.  By the time he was an 8th grader I told dh I could either teach him or the other four.  Oldest went to high school which is what he wanted.  We did a lot of classes and field trips to cover interest areas and that helped.  I will say though in our situation we are  placing our last child in school this fall.  I just don't have the time or energy to give him the education I think he deserves, we're just not getting things done.  Sister right above him has a chronic illness that requires a lot of time and doctors visits.  Forty in the last two months.  My son is tired of tagging along and doing work on the go and in hospitals and doctors offices.  I'm sad but happy for him so all my kids will be in school next year.  They are much older than yours though.  Mine are 22, 19, 18, 15 and 11.  Two in college, two in high school and youngest will be middle school.

 

Kimberly

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My younger's preschool years are just different than the olders' were, that is all. I used to spend hours reading to them at night. Now I am exhausted and dh does more of that at night. I read to her during the day when I can between everybody else's stuff and set up educational activities for her.

 

I used to do more focused preschooly crafty stuff with them at home. With her, she has more out of the house stuff. She goes to co-ops twice a week for different activities.  She goes to Sunday School, VBS, Children's Church for all of that. I help teach in those, so I make sure she is getting activities there. She goes a toddler dance class on the weekend for some good movement and rhythm instead of doing it with videos and tapes at home like I did with them during the week. I can't take her to the library storytimes during the week during the school year anymore like I did her sisters for their preschool years. We have too much school with them to do. But she goes to the co-op activities when they are having their stuff and participates in kid stuff there.  We have passes to the children's museum. We go to the summer library programs. 

 

As she gets into school age, I just know that her early years will be different than theirs as I finish school with them and get them to college. But then she is going to have me one on one for years after that. 

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It's almost the nature of the beast to at least initially gear home education to the olders. For one, the parent is learning along with them - researching what curriculum is out there, how to implement it, how to best teach. You have a steep learning curve with the LD's you're teaching to. 

 

But, the youngers also benefit from an education rich environment. When my oldest was 5 and 6, I had a houseful of littles and the day oriented to that. When my youngers were 5 and 6, we had a houseful of olders and our conversations, activities, reading oriented to that. 

 

My youngers will also benefit on the back end. With just the two youngest in the house next year, they'll have my full attention all through middle and high school where I was engulfed in babies and toddlers and busy when my olders were those ages and grades. 

There are trade-offs. I no longer have the time to read aloud like I used to and while I miss those sweet evenings, we listen to soooo many books on audio. Way more than I ever read aloud. Trade off. I do what I can as best as I can. And somehow, they all graduate and do well. (hallelujah and mercy!)

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Yes, I feel like that and have felt like that. You can drive yourself crazy trying to focus on "what isn't" instead of accepting "what is" in your family situation. If the 7 yo was in school, the focus wouldn't be about him either, and he wouldn't get any individual attention.  Just do the best you can. Your ds 7 is getting a lot, and over time he will continue to get a lot; and he won't have the pressure of being the oldest and mom's main focus. Sometimes flying under the radar and being free to explore things for fun can be great, too. 

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My kids age differences are pretty much the same as yours, only I'm ten years further down the road. I don't know. The youngers' time will come. I used to feel that my youngers were getting the bum end of school, but as the older kids became more independent, graduated and moved out, the younger ones started getting a lot more focused time. Next year, #3 will be dual enrolled full-time at the community college, so my little guy will be the only one I'll be teaching.

 

The sad thing is that I really miss having more kids in our homeschool now, because there are projects and things that were more fun with more kids around.

 

 Also sort of related, my oldest was home briefly this week, and she commented that she can can work anywhere with any amount of distraction because she always had to share time with younger siblings, while she noticed that my youngest insists on everything being totally quiet when he does school. He's not used to working amidst noise and distraction.

 

On the other hand, my youngers have benefited from my increased experience and confidence. I don't stress about the small stuff in our homeschool as much anymore. My older two were definitely my guinea pigs, so there are advantages to being the younger ones!

Edited by ghostwheel
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my oldest and youngest are most demanding. the three in the middle just kind of whatever along, especially the younger two. 

 

aries and gem are doing fine. aries can do most of his stuff on his own. we have rewards in place for him. i have finally found resources that will keep gem busy. he's a ravenous learner and is hard for me to keep up with. 

 

taurus is lazy in every aspect of life. i'm gong to buy him workbooks, and let him just work though them with little to no need for me. mark the pages, get to work. see ya when you're done. 

 

 

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Yes

 

(Snipped)

 

And my sweet 4 year old wants "preschool, mama!" She wants a theme every week, and a craft and hands on and time to paint. Exactly what I provided for my oldest 2. And four is my FAVORITE age. Like so, so much. I don't want to outsource her 4 year old year, but I'm feeling like I have no choice. I can outsource her much cheaper than I can outsource dyslexia boys.

I might have done this, except the drop off/pick up and all of the extra stuff- parties, stuff to bring in, etc. would have made too much extra work for me. Preschool for my youngest is fondly remembered as the year she got stacks of paper, rolls of tape, and scissors. She "did school" by cutting up papers and taping them back together. Probably cost me $25 total.

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The oldest is/are always the guinea pigs as SkateLeft says.  In a way this causes parents to unconsciously put a lot of effort on the older kids, and less on the younger ones.  One is that you're learning along with them.  And two, you teach them first.  We're doing our best to make sure our younger child doesn't get left behind.  DD does get exposed to a lot of schooling above her level, and she learns faster in a lot of ways.  But she also deserves total attention on her.  We find it is helpful either to teach her first, OR have one parent teach her while the other teaches his brother.

 

It IS easier to loosen up with the younger kids once you figure it all out.  I agree you "don't sweat the small stuff" so much once you gain the experience and confidence. 

 

Another helpful thing is to get the kids learning together whenever possible.  Like safe science projects, outdoor exploration, watching history videos, story time, basic oral math drills, art and crafts, etc.

 

Although juggling time between multiple students is a challenge, it can also be fun.  I have noticed DS gets a lot more study time just by helping his sister with her PK workbooks and other stuff.

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I am just popping in very quickly to say "yes" and reassure you that it is normal.

 

My olders are adults and I have one child at home. I still feel inadequate and insecure and as if I am not doing anywhere near as much with him as I did with them at the same age. It doesn't help that they have different fathers so the olders were gifted and one was undiagnosed 2e or just plain quirky and the newbie is a healthy, normal, neurotypical boy who just finished two-and-a-halfth grade because I was so wishy washy about redshirting.

 

I may have more to say after I read the other replies, but I thought it might help the OP to sort out what was actual scheduling issues with a large family and what was just normal changes in the way we parent and general midlife angst.

 

My dyad were mostly homeschooled separately, i.e., she would go do her workbooks independently while I taught him and then they'd switch and he'd do his workbooks while I taught her. It should feel like I have MORE time for all the fun extras with my singleton but it feels like I have less!

Edited by Guest
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My youngers will also benefit on the back end. With just the two youngest in the house next year, they'll have my full attention all through middle and high school where I was engulfed in babies and toddlers and busy when my olders were those ages and grades.

 

This has been my experience as well.

 

Another thing I've noticed is that my child with learning difficulties, in requiring so much from me school-wise, has colored my interaction with my younger, NT child. I realized recently that I am under-challenging my youngest, who is NT, due to the fact that I've had to make so many accommodations for his brother, who is not. Kinda like I forgot how to school a NT child--realizing it has been a breath of fresh air (because I don't have to make so many accommodations this time around).

 

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It also happens with us. Younger (likely gifted) DD gets preschool for activities while I spend lots of mental and intellectual energy teaching older DS with learning disabilities.

 

It's a waste that younger DD isn't getting all this energy too, but I have medical conditions that limit my daily activities and I have to give support where needed. :(

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Yes, in a way, but in our case it had more to do with other family circumstances.  I tried to compensate by involving my younger two in more outside activities:  community ed activities, a class here and there, homeschool field trips, etc.  Our community ed group in town actually has lots of really interesting and fun science-related classes for kids.

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Thanks everyone.  It is helpful to see that this is common.  I know everyone will survive just fine, I just wish sometimes . . . but there were some good ideas upthread and I'll mull them over for a while and see what I come up with!

 

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I guess we are an exception.

For me, with only two kids fairly close in age, but with a wide spread in relative maturity, it is the other way around. Dd can work independently on lots of things, but ds is high maintenance in all respects and gets much more of my time and energy. He is harder to teach, mostly because of attitude. Dd learns most everything easily and is generally a hard worker. 

 

Ds does benefit, as pp have said, from having a slightly more experienced mom/teacher. 

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Part of me sometimes wonders-- thinks-- hopes that maybe, maybe, part of what keeps my youngest kids so motivated and enthusiastic about learning is that I always, always seem to leave them (and myself) wanting more. Yes, some days (like today) I want to have a temper tantrum myself because I just want more 1 on 1 time with my sweet, sharp little 4 year old, but I do have that inner voice of an unschooler (which I am not) that sometimes whispers, "See? Exposure + freedom creates really wonderful, curious, spirited, eager-to-learn, independent little kids."

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I don't know if this will help, but when I felt like you do, I scheduled. It wasn't much, but it was amazing how much better I felt that a consistent 15/30 minutes was spent just with my youngest. It wasn't the ideal, but when I did this consistently , we did some really fun, and educational things. I love Arcadia's ideas too!

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