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I want to become more of a Gift person


Ginevra
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I have said it before on here - gifts are not my love language. In fact, gifts are probably the lowest-ranking thing on my list of love languages. I don't tend to give gifts (except where it is expected) and I spend close to no time thinking about gifts someone else may give me. BUT! I have a good friend who is a gift-giver. She is seriously so talented at figuring out what I would like and has given me splendid, simply perfect gifts several times. It has inspired me somewhat to be more like this and to stop using the excuse (if it is one) that I'm just not a gift person. Because honestly, the times she gave me such a perfect gift, it really did convey care and affection. She pays attention well enough to know that this yarn is the perfect color, or takes the time to acquire exactly the right book, even if it is hard to get.

 

Also, my husband's aunt recently passed away at 90. Her memorial was filled with accounts of how she made things and gave things to SO MANY people. She made baby quilts for practically every baby she knew about; indeed, I still have the quilt ahe made for my first child and my SILs all had one, too. It really impressed upon me how lasting this gesture of gifts can be.

 

Have any of you done this? I have already noticed a few things that are perfect gifts for a couple people. I think the fact that I'm looking for it is making it jump out.

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I come from a big extended family that loves gatherings. Most of us are picky eaters, both paternal and maternal relatives. So we remember the food preferences of everyone more or less. That just automatically spread to other aspects of life like what kind of clothes, shoes, bags, watches, colors, textures someone prefers. It is knowledge that was built mentally over the years.

 

We also give gifts for no reason at all. So it doesn't have to be a birthday, anniversary, wedding, graduation, special occasion gift. So if something that someone would like catch our eye, we buy if we can afford and gift it.

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I'm not a great gift giver, but I try to be thoughtful about it. I give pretty good gifts to people I know well. My struggle is the obligatory giving around holidays to people I may share DNA with but don't know well. YUCK.

 

So to give good gifts, it requires you to put time and effort and mostly thought into the gift.

 

What are this person's interests? Hobbies? What did they enjoy from childhood? What's their favorite color? What brands to they prefer of ____? Think of personal preferences...someone who never wears jewelry will appreciate the thought behind a personalized piece of jewelry but it's not too practical for them. See if you can find something special from childhood that they loved!

 

Start early. You will be less likely to find great gifts at big box stores. I love the Internet because you can find all sorts of interesting things. But it takes time to find them and have them shipped to your home.

 

Don't get too wrapped up on spending a certain amount of money or that "New" is only eligible for gifts. My oldest found a 1950s manual typewriter at a thrift store this Christmas and it was one of my younger daughter's favorite gifts!

 

Are they practical, sentimental or silly? While I would appreciate a gift of a sentimental decor for my home, I actually prefer the silly ones. I have a wall sticker over my bed that says "I love you more today than I did yesterday...because yesterday you really got on my nerves." I'm not a Live, Laugh, Love person at all.

 

Can you replace something special that has been broken or lost? There's a cookbook that my mom had that is in tatters. I'd love a copy of it in good repair, especially since I remember her cooking from it and she's passed now. That kind of thing.

 

Keep a list of these things. Write them down and consult them from time to time to see if a new idea pops out at you.

 

Does that help?

 

 

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Quill, I just wanted to let you know that I share your malady. I *SUCK* at giving gifts. Seriously hate doing it and am terrible at it. I would love for all gift-giving to disappear completely. I wish I could be better at it and enjoy doing it. But I will bend over backwards to serve, or listen, or spend time, or be a friend. Just don't ask me to find you the perfect gift. I lack that gene. Lol

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I'm not a great gift giver, but I try to be thoughtful about it. I give pretty good gifts to people I know well. My struggle is the obligatory giving around holidays to people I may share DNA with but don't know well. YUCK.

 

So to give good gifts, it requires you to put time and effort and mostly thought into the gift.

 

What are this person's interests? Hobbies? What did they enjoy from childhood? What's their favorite color? What brands to they prefer of ____? Think of personal preferences...someone who never wears jewelry will appreciate the thought behind a personalized piece of jewelry but it's not too practical for them. See if you can find something special from childhood that they loved!

 

Start early. You will be less likely to find great gifts at big box stores. I love the Internet because you can find all sorts of interesting things. But it takes time to find them and have them shipped to your home.

 

Don't get too wrapped up on spending a certain amount of money or that "New" is only eligible for gifts. My oldest found a 1950s manual typewriter at a thrift store this Christmas and it was one of my younger daughter's favorite gifts!

 

Are they practical, sentimental or silly? While I would appreciate a gift of a sentimental decor for my home, I actually prefer the silly ones. I have a wall sticker over my bed that says "I love you more today than I did yesterday...because yesterday you really got on my nerves." I'm not a Live, Laugh, Love person at all.

 

Can you replace something special that has been broken or lost? There's a cookbook that my mom had that is in tatters. I'd love a copy of it in good repair, especially since I remember her cooking from it and she's passed now. That kind of thing.

 

Keep a list of these things. Write them down and consult them from time to time to see if a new idea pops out at you.

 

Does that help?

Yes! All true! Keeping some lists would be a great idea!

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When I saw the title of this thread I was going to suggest forming "go to" gifts that so many here are generous to share ideas about, and that may help you in general, but not w/ this particular friend. 

 

ITA w/ the suggestions above and bet that the more you buy her gifts, the better you will get at honing in on her taste. I bet that any effort you make will be greatly appreciated. We just had a double graduation party for our kids (one graduated from college this month and the other will graduate from high school next month) and one family we invited has a child w/ several food allergies. I emailed her our menu and offered to get hummus for a veggie dip, since ours was dairy-based and asked what else I could have for her son. She was very grateful.

 

 

Edited by Angie in VA
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Another thing...Look ahead to what that person is facing.

 

New baby? The family might appreciate food delivery gift cards or maid service or laundry service.

 

One of my students a few years ago was graduating and headed off to college where she knew only one other person. I gave her a tea shop in a box, including a few pretty mugs, an electric kettle and some flavored teas. I included a note to tell her to invite others to her room for tea to get to know them.

 

Finding thoughtful ways to ease transitions is a good thing.

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I want to be better at gift giving as well. I am pretty frugal and that had done to do with it.

 

I still remember all my favorite gifts over my life. One was my best friend who when we were 15 returned a sweatshirt she had borrowed sprinkled in a powder perfume she had that I loved. I wish I could remember the name if it.

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I come from a big extended family that loves gatherings. Most of us are picky eaters, both paternal and maternal relatives. So we remember the food preferences of everyone more or less. That just automatically spread to other aspects of life like what kind of clothes, shoes, bags, watches, colors, textures someone prefers. It is knowledge that was built mentally over the years.

 

We also give gifts for no reason at all. So it doesn't have to be a birthday, anniversary, wedding, graduation, special occasion gift. So if something that someone would like catch our eye, we buy if we can afford and gift it.

The bolded is what I sort of want to step up. I really don't think like this ordinarily; I don't see things and think, "Oh, Jane would love that! I'll get it for her just because I know she will love it." But I want to tune that part of myself so I will think like that.

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Quill, I just wanted to let you know that I share your malady. I *SUCK* at giving gifts. Seriously hate doing it and am terrible at it. I would love for all gift-giving to disappear completely. I wish I could be better at it and enjoy doing it. But I will bend over backwards to serve, or listen, or spend time, or be a friend. Just don't ask me to find you the perfect gift. I lack that gene. Lol

Me too. DH's family loves gift giving and shopping.after 17 years of marriage I begged my sister in law not to exchange gifts, too many years and stress trying and failing at gift giving, I give up.
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I am like you - gifts aren't my thing. I also have a friend who loves nothing more in life than giving and receiving gifts. It's so stressful sometimes!! I try to keep a list on my phone for gift ideas and will add to if and/or when something comes to me. Of course, her birthday is next month and I have no ideas at the moment....

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I think the very fact that you're thinking about it will cause you to notice things for other people when you're out and about.

 

I find it hard to buy gifts on demand, like at Christmastime. But sometimes I will see something I think someone will like and I'll buy it and save it for the gift giving occasion. Sometimes the gift doesn't present itself in December, but is there in July.

 

So, I'd suggest that when you're out, keep an eye out for things others might like. Stock a gift for Christmas/birthdays and then anything extra you find you can give off the cuff, just because. That way you won't give all the good stuff away and then have nothing to give on Christmas/Birthdays.

 

I've not been a gift person either, but I'm starting to find the joy in it. Like, this past week, my DH saw that the umbrellas that fold backwards and traps the water inside were on sale. I ordered one for myself and also ordered one for my MIL to give to her at Christmas. But when it arrived I could see how big is was and my MIL doesn't like big umbrellas. So I immediately thought of a friend of mine who likes unique things. And she was scheduled to come to the movies with me that night. So, I showed her my new umbrella to see her reaction and she loooved it and so I said, "Well, would you like one?" She was all, "I'd love one!" And I pulled out the extra and gave it to her and she all surprised and happy. It was fun!

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Good luck. I wish you great success in your endeavor.

I am a terrible gift giver and don't always love receiving gifts either.  I am not good at faking joy over a gift I didn't want.  My sister and I tried to overcome our lacking gift giving skills when our kids were younger.  It did not work out so well.  We ended up buying for our own kids and sending each other the money for the gifts we purchased for each others kids.

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Quill, it might help you to look at this the other way around.  Instead of thinking of a person to get a gift for, find the gift and decide who you could give it to.

 

For instance if you're in a store and you see a really pretty whatever, you might pick it up and think "Which one of my friends/family would love to have this?"  It might be "nobody" and you put the item back.  Or you might have just found the perfect gift for "someone".

 

 

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Quill, it might help you to look at this the other way around.  Instead of thinking of a person to get a gift for, find the gift and decide who you could give it to.

 

For instance if you're in a store and you see a really pretty whatever, you might pick it up and think "Which one of my friends/family would love to have this?"  It might be "nobody" and you put the item back.  Or you might have just found the perfect gift for "someone".

If you go the above route, pay attention to the bolded.

 

I know some terrible gift givers who are mom and daughter. Once, the daughter asked me if I wanted an OTC medication (for a problem I don't have) for a gift giving occasion. I said no. She replied, "but then who can I give it to?"

 

I wanted to know why she had to give it to someone. She explained that she didn't want/need it, but she'd gotten a good deal on it so she had to give it to someone.

 

"Ummm...no you don't." is what I wanted to reply. Instead I just said "oh."

 

And that's the point in time that I realized why gifts from her are always odd. She gets good deals on things and then decides who to give things to. And it doesn't seem to matter to her if the person really wants and/or needs it. Once she buys it, she will gift it to someone. At Christmas, she just looks though her stash and gifts each person the thing(s) she thinks they will like the most. But it's all just random things she's gotten good deals on.

 

In thinking about it, I realized she does this because it's her normal as it's what her mother does!

 

It does not make you a good gift giver. Gifts from them are often taken straight to second hand stores.

 

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I have a notes list on my phone for everyone in my life I care about. Throughout the year, when someone says to me, "I wish I had..." or I run across something in a store that suits someone, or I notice someone is kludging through a task without something I have and love, I stick it on the gift list. Each person has his or her own named list and I try to keep track of the store and price if I've found a specific thing. It really makes life so much easier at gift-giving time.

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If you go the above route, pay attention to the bolded.

 

I know some terrible gift givers who are mom and daughter. Once, the daughter asked me if I wanted an OTC medication (for a problem I don't have) for a gift giving occasion. I said no. She replied, "but then who can I give it to?"

 

I wanted to know why she had to give it to someone. She explained that she didn't want/need it, but she'd gotten a good deal on it so she had to give it to someone.

 

"Ummm...no you don't." is what I wanted to reply. Instead I just said "oh."

 

And that's the point in time that I realized why gifts from her are always odd. She gets good deals on things and then decides who to give things to. And it doesn't seem to matter to her if the person really wants and/or needs it. Once she buys it, she will gift it to someone. At Christmas, she just looks though her stash and gifts each person the thing(s) she thinks they will like the most. But it's all just random things she's gotten good deals on.

 

In thinking about it, I realized she does this because it's her normal as it's what her mother does!

 

It does not make you a good gift giver. Gifts from them are often taken straight to second hand stores.

 

:lol: :lol: When I was a little girl my great grandma used to do this. I never understood why her gifts were so odd, so thanks for clearing that up. Every year at Christmas, the joke was, "who is going to get the deodorant this year?"

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And that's the point in time that I realized why gifts from her are always odd. She gets good deals on things and then decides who to give things to. And it doesn't seem to matter to her if the person really wants and/or needs it. Once she buys it, she will gift it to someone. At Christmas, she just looks though her stash and gifts each person the thing(s) she thinks they will like the most. But it's all just random things she's gotten good deals on.

 

In thinking about it, I realized she does this because it's her normal as it's what her mother does!

 

It does not make you a good gift giver. Gifts from them are often taken straight to second hand stores.

 

 

I know people like this.

 

I'd rather get nothing or a handwritten card.

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I have a notes list on my phone for everyone in my life I care about. Throughout the year, when someone says to me, "I wish I had..." or I run across something in a store that suits someone, or I notice someone is kludging through a task without something I have and love, I stick it on the gift list. Each person has his or her own named list and I try to keep track of the store and price if I've found a specific thing. It really makes life so much easier at gift-giving time.

 

I think this is the key! My friend last year mentioned her heels are often dry so I put a highly recommended foot cream on my amazon wish list to order for her birthday this summer. 

 

I also share books I love in Kindle form with friends and family who like to read. 

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I am a terrible gift giver as well. It is so not my love language. I spend too much time worrying over whether it's the right gift or whether they will really want it or use it. (In part because I get anxious about gifts given to me that I know I won't use or display but feel an obligation to keep. Today, in fact, I just got rid of several gifts we were given for our wedding FOURTEEN years ago that I never used but hung on to because I felt obligated)

 

Why isn't food a love language? Because I love to bring meals in for people. Or gift cards? Gifts cards should be a love language. 😆

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Someone mentioned taking notes whenever a friend mentioned an item they wanted. Years ago when we were first married and really poor DH had been eyeing a specific tool. I found it on sale and stashed it away for his birthday. Shortly thereafter (but before his birthday) he went out and bought the same item. I burst into tears when I found out. I had FINALLY bought him the perfect gift only to have him ruin it.

 

I still hate buying him gifts. Lately I have been buying things like tickets to shows or something we can do together.

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I am a terrible gift giver as well. It is so not my love language. I spend too much time worrying over whether it's the right gift or whether they will really want it or use it. (In part because I get anxious about gifts given to me that I know I won't use or display but feel an obligation to keep. Today, in fact, I just got rid of several gifts we were given for our wedding FOURTEEN years ago that I never used but hung on to because I felt obligated)

 

Why isn't food a love language? Because I love to bring meals in for people. Or gift cards? Gifts cards should be a love language. 😆

Food gifts are most definitely a love language. I don't remember most of the individual items people kindly brought me when I've had babies, but I can match each lovely person with her homemade bread or casserole or meatloaf. Really.

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Instead of being known as a gift giver, could you start small with cards? I have an Aunt that mails us a card every single holiday (the big ones and small ones alike). In today's world, a mailed card with a small note is a special way to remind us that she is thinking of us throughout the year. It always makes me smile to see a bright colored envelope from her in the mailbox. Sometimes it's just the thought that counts rather than a monetary investment.

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A few years ago I tried to up my gift giving game. It didn't work out. It's just not me.  I do send a lot of cards to people, thanking them for something they did or just to encourage.  Or just to let them know I value their friendship.  I invite friends for dinner, telling them that I want to spend time with them.  I check in on friends who I know are having a tough time.  I accept that this is my way of showing love.  I still wish I was a better gift giver because so many people value that. Quill, I hope you succeed, and you've received some really good suggestions. 

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I make stuff...quilts, scarves, and things that little girls can use. I enjoy making gifts and use high qualtity product. My gifts look high quality and I only do those things for people that will appreciate them. I also give away books to support and encourage my loved ones. Again, I only do that for people who have expressed an interest. I also meet with friends for coffee, dinner, and fellowship on a regular basis. DH and I have guests come over for dinner, especially during the summer.

 

Play to your strengths. Not everyone cooks or crafts but will spend time with people or make a phone call.

Edited by Heathermomster
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I am not a great gift giver.

 

I had an old friend visit for a week recently. After she left, she sent me a few things as a thank you that reflected a characteristic level of thoughtfulness. She just pays attention to people and notices things.

 

She noticed that my silicone spatula was ripped, asked if I like using it, and one was included in the box. She sent me a book I had mentioned wanting to read. She sent Bluetooth earbuds because I had mentioned that when my husband works at home, I miss being able to listen to podcasts as I do housework.

 

I aspire to that type of thoughtfulness.

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Instead of being known as a gift giver, could you start small with cards? I have an Aunt that mails us a card every single holiday (the big ones and small ones alike). In today's world, a mailed card with a small note is a special way to remind us that she is thinking of us throughout the year. It always makes me smile to see a bright colored envelope from her in the mailbox. Sometimes it's just the thought that counts rather than a monetary investment.

I love this idea! Cards and letters are definitely gifts!

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