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Tell me about your 19 year olds?


Jenny in Florida
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"Normal" used to be a setting on the dryer. They've removed the term even from that.

 

You have me curious, what happened on the other thread/forum to make you think your perspective might be skewed?

 

My coming-up-on-19 in August child is pretty unique. She struggles with Aspergers and Dyslexia and is socially about 3 years behind her peers.

And she has one more year of high school left, for various reasons, including the aforementioned. When I was 19, I remember thinking I knew SO much about everything. HA. However, I also remember feeling "stuck" in between age groups. I wasn't a teenager in the high school sense of the word and I wasn't really considered an adult - as in couldn't go to a night club with friends, etc. It's a bit of an awkward stage.

 

So there's my perspective on two very different 19 year olds. I think you'll find that many are vastly different from each other. 

 

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they're all different.

@ 19 . . .

 

1dd and 2dd . . . were hyper responsible, fabulous students, excelling in their first year of college.  joy to be around. both are now established in good jobs and own their own homes.

 

1ds and 2ds . . .

1ds had a ccna, was making very good money for a 19yo (let that slip away).  had a disaster of a gf (he was able to see it, and did finally ask for help getting rid of her because he just didn't know how.  she was an insane p.o.w.  I feel sorry for her parents.)  other than that were good kids. 

 

they were very much trying to figure things out. tried college, weren't ready, didn't really know what they wanted to do, had some other struggles.   giving me lots of opportunity to exercise patience . . . .

 

both are now back in college, and doing well working towards degrees in fields they like - and can earn a comfortable living at. both working part time jobs while full-time students and paying for their own cars.

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My dd19 just finished her first year of college. She's a bright, independent young adult. She wants to make her own mistakes and has her own opinions. We're still fairly close and she'll share a lot with me but I know she holds back. I think she talks to her sister some too but really she worries she'll overburden us on her problems. She's very conscious of what others think of her. She constantly worries over it. She slipped through high school without much studying and was a 4.0 student so college has been a challenge for her. She procrastinates and always has, but she's finding out that doesn't fly in college.

 

When my oldest was 19, she was working full-time and was as independent as she could be while still living at home. She has always been an adventurous type and loves trying new things. She seemed on top of her world. She made good decisions. She has always been a whiz in her finances.

 

My son, as a 19 year old, wasn't much different than the rest of his teen years. He's always been mature for his age in some things, and behind in others. He has Aspergers. He tried a year of college and hated it. He's been working part-time since he left. He still lives at home because he's still finding himself. He'll be 21 in a couple of months.

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Ds is who he's always been, he just happens to be 19 now. He's stubborn, reserved, determined, quiet, sarcastic, and still wants to try a little bit of everything. I can't believe he just finished his second year of college. He's also pretty passive in some areas of his life. I would not categorize him as a go-getter. He kids that his spirit animal is a sloth and I'm not sure he's far off. He has some lofty goals and doesn't get agitated that they are going to take years to come to fruition. In the last year I see some changes that signal he is maturing. He's a very responsible money manager (one of my biggest fears, but he's been frugal most of his life). He's smart though and has been getting recognition of that in school and that helps him. He doesn't have low self-esteem like I did at that age, I think he needs some guidance (beyond my own) to see that some of his goals are achievable. 

 

As his parent and biggest supporter, I still see him doing great things with his life, but he's the type that will be doing great things at 30 and beyond, not at 19. He's still in the process of becoming. 

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I have a 20 and an 18, so straddling yours.

 

Dd20 struggles with anxiety, depression, a chronic disease (Type 1 diabetes) and probably some learning differences. She couldn't find her people locally, so moved to an urban area several states away. She has difficulty earning enough money to pay her own way, plus she is attempting to provide support for another person:\ We end up bailing out and subsidizing. I think she may be a late bloomer, so I am hopeful she will find something that she feels she can do and get some training to up her earning potential.

 

Ds18 is graduating high school this week with a straight A average- probably 6th or 7th in his class of 225. He is off to UGA this fall. Extroverted, popular, self motivated, ambitious, a bit entitled, persistent to the point of annoyance at times. Cares very much about what people think and wants to get along with everyone he can. He is on a path towards success, and I truly hope he finds what he is looking for.

 

Two dc that couldn't be more different. And I love them both from the bottom of my heart.

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DS22 was in his 4th year of college working on a BS in both Bible Theology and Pastoral Ministry. He has always been an academic type person and very mellow. His grades dropped this year and he lost his academic scholarship. He struggled a bit with depression this year, got counseling and rebounded the following year.  It was the year he really became a man in my eyes. He finally dealt with some emotional things from his youth, put them into perspective on how he was going to deal with them as an adult, and moved forward. After counseling, he pulled up his grades and regained his scholarship..   He feels that hitting bottom that year, was one of the best things that had happened to him. He voluntered extensively for his church (hours which led to him being an intern and then staff within 2 years).  He worked as a math/reading tutor (job he started at 15 and still has at 22).  He was choosing to not date but was very active wtih his friends.  He has always been big into games like Pathfinder, Magic, Warhamar, and others similar games, so his down time was often spent painting models, planning or studying the games.  He has always been Super Responsible and very, very easy to parent.

 

 

DD18 is graduating high school and will be in University when she turns 19. She has a major chronic health concern that creates debilitating fatigue. We aren't sure if she will  make it in college or not, but she Desperately wants to try. She struggles to make it to a couple of high school classes so I don't know how college is going to work out. She is very bright but  has Dyslexia and ADHD so school is hard for her.  She has a great boyfriend who is happy to bounce around with her like  a pair of Tiggers, and also there to curl up and watch movies when she can't get out of bed.  He was a godsend for her this year.  She has a job in a wonderful small grocery store.  She has been offered a promotion, but she has asked to wait until she graduates before she accepts it.  She works 12 hours per week and it is just enough for her to have some spending money and to have saved a couple thousand for college, this summer she plans to work as many hours as her body will let her.  She loves the outdoors, swimming, running, and working out.  She is a core person in a group of 5 girls who are all great friends. She was a cheerleader for 5 years, and this year she is already missing that part of her future self.  We will have to see if she can find something to replace it or not. (Due to her health, she can't really do it anymore and her college doesn't have local sports).  She loves animals but we don't have any, so she pet sits on the side.  She is usually paid, but honestly she would do it for free just to play with the pets. LOL  She is kind of forgetful about doing chores but never, ever gives me any aggravation about them when I remind her.  She is amazing, sooo very funny, kind, loving and generous.  She has always pushed the limits of everything she does.  She doesn't break rules, but will push to the very, very end of what she thinks she can get away with.  She requires a lot of planning and thinking on my part. I am always having to stay one step ahead of her and anticipate the loopholes.  She is planning to possibly become an engineer and this part of her personality will make her great at it.  She always sees more, and does more that most people realize is possible.

Edited by Tap
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My current 19 year old is a rising college sophomore taking one online class this summer and eating me out of house and home!

 

He is an easy going kid. He will do some farm sitting and pet sitting here or there through the summer, but otherwise has his nose in texts this summer reviewing for a difficult chemistry course he has in the fall.

 

His natural self is a bit of a slob, and he is working on that. He did surprisingly well 20th his dorm room, but I still have to remind him at home occasionally that I am not his maid. All in all though a pleasant adult kid to have at home.

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My dd 19 is my most "normal" child. She lives at home, goes to college, has a part time job and helps around the house. She has a car at her disposal (shared with her sister) works on her art and poetry in her free time, putters with her plants and is supposed to be studying to retake her GRE this summer - not sure how much of that is happening. She is happy and responsible and lives her life. No significant other at the moment (that I am aware of, anyway.) My other three, however, don't quite meet that same level of "normal." :)

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My son will he 19 this summer. He has Aspergers. I don't think he'd be an "average" 19yo even without it, lol.

 

He keeps to himself. Hates hard work, but has done better in his 3rd year of college. His retail job "exhausts" him. (I believe it does, mentally/socially, but he complains about the being on his feet part.) He eats and eats and eats. Doesn't have his drivers license yet, but probably wouldn't go many places beyond school, work, and errands.

 

My stb15yo dd is probably more of an "average 19yo" than he is. She's busy with 10,000 interests and various friends. She's plotting out her future and close to thinking she knows it all.

(And she eats and eats and eats!)

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When my oldest was 19, he was in a competitive school and had chosen an insanely hard major and was at the point of having to get his act together or fail out on demerits. He got

It together, went on to graduate and is now living his flying dream.

 

Kid #2 at 19 was 3000+ miles away at college and struggling to figure out all the things required for living away from mom and dad. She had learned to deal with tough roommates, horrible schedules (music major) and crazy hours. But she had good friends and good mentors there and went on to graduate in four years and is now teaching high school.

 

Kid #3 at 19 was at his third choice college and not happy. Depression, lack of friends, dislike of the coursework sent him into a spiral down. He was 800 miles away so we were skyping daily but it was hard. He made it to the end of the year somehow and then transferred locally. He is living here at home to save money and has friends and activities here he loves. He has even got back into his music again so is doing much better.

 

Three 19yos. Three different stories all with struggles and success. All three stories are "normal" I think.

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My current 19 year old (middle daughter) has always been mature for her age and psychotically organized. She graduated from homeschool early, went to community college and finished her AA at 18, planned to work as a temp in office jobs for at least year because she knew she wanted to major in some sort of business but wasn't sure which, got hired on at a construction company's new branch and is now organizing their office and has been asked if she would like to be trained next year as a project manager.  She makes a decent wage a single or couple could live on and gets full benefits. She's self supporting and living about 20 minutes away from home at this point.  She's engaged to be married next year.

 

My oldest child didn't know what she wanted to do then and was in taking the basics at cc until she decided she wanted to be a doula (professional birth support.) She's was studying and interning at that point.  She's 21 now and just got signed in with a doula staffing agency. She's engaged to be married next year too.

 

They're all different.  I think not knowing exactly or generally what you want to do makes 19 a whole lot harder.  

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I have a 21 year old and an 18 year old - so they straddle the age. :)

 

I like them both.  One is graduating next semester, married, has a baby.  She is neurotypical and functions well, but she's kind of been a grown up since about 15.  She was always grown up. ;)

The next one is a planner.  He is his dad to a T.  I admire that.  He is graduating and moving out this summer.  He has one job, but will be working two this summer to fill the gap between scholarships and college expenses because he will live in the dorms.  He also is pretty much a grown up.  He started college (dual enroll) two years ago and while I held his hand a little as a junior, he handled his own stuff (pt job, school, college) this year.  Good practice for this fall.  So far so good and we find him wildly amusing.

 

The next ones? Who knows? They are all as different as snowflakes.  That's a good thing though.

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In my family experience, 19yo is a college student or independent employee.  Knows how to keep house (and car), but may or may not do all the advisable things.  Knows how to care for children.  May or may not be in a relationship.  Still fights with Mom over dumb things at times.  If living at home, still has chores and pays rent to the extent reasonably possible.  May be smart or stupid about money.  Wants to talk things out with the folks, but does not ask permission to do anything other than borrow the parents' car.  :P

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My 19-year-old just finished first year of community college.  He's worked part-time since last summer (very part time during the school year, ~4 hours per week) and is doing well at work and in classes.  He has some LDs and ADHD so has some areas of struggle, and has been having a hard time deciding on a major and career path.  He's torn between his love of history and his desire (and apparent skill) at hands-on type work. He's pretty shy and awkward, actually clueless in a lot of ways.  He's very responsible in some ways (volunteer firefighter) and completely useless in some ways (making his own breakfast and lunch, stuff like that).  He's definitely a work in progress and a late bloomer. The good thing is, he recognizes it all and so is not averse to parental pushing and support.  Though, he's not content to remain clueless and dependent either (in case I made it sound that way).  We just all recognize that it's going to take him a little longer. 

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My 19 year old Aspie is finishing up his first year of college. He started in the Autism Spectrum group at the college but got out of that group after one quarter because it didn't really apply to him. He made some good friends there that he still gets together with.

 

He is doing ok in his classes. Not stellar, not abysmal. He has benefited from some help from the disabilities office- specifically when it comes to testing by requesting more time in a quiet room.

 

He's been very responsible and has impressed me with how he's managing his time and all the bits and pieces that go along with being an adult.

 

He got a job in his field right out of high school and he's working 20 hours/week while going to college. He works hard and his employer has rewarded that by giving him some flexibility when he needs it.

 

The main support I am still giving him is with driving. Because of the high cost of car insurance he has held off on getting his license. He's a good driver but since he's driving with a learner's permit a licensed driver has to be in the car with him. He has bought a car and he and a college buddy are fixing it up on weekends. He should have it road ready and should get his license this summer.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited by Jean in Newcastle
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My 19 yo will be 20 the first weekend in September. He struggles with ADHD and social anxiety. He's been attending community college first as a dual enrolled homeschooler, then as a college student, but is considering taking time off to figure out what he really wants to do (I suggested he at least complete his A.A. and he's thinking about it). He's been trying unsuccessfully to find a job. There are however, more businesses opening in our area lately so he's had more chances to apply. Monday he's going to a job fair at Kennedy Space Center visitor center and hopes this will finally be the last job fair he needs to attend.  Socially, he's friends with people he's known most of his life from our hs group, and met a few outside friends through them. Due to his ADHD his maturity level is still a bit behind.

 

Dss was not really much different at that age even though he didn't have the issues ds has. He was working but couldn't decide what he wanted to do as a career. He eventually went to firefighter school then went into the Air Force as a firefighter. He only did his 2 years and didn't re-up, and when he came out at 22 he still floundered. He wasn't sure he wanted to stay in the same field. He was around 26 when he finally decided to add paramedic to his firefighter certification and is now working for our county fire department as a firemedic. He's the dad of the grandkids in my signature.

 

At 19 I was in college, finishing up my A.A. and preparing to transfer to a four year university. I knew I was going to be a teacher. 

 

So, three different 19 year olds in three different decades, each one at a different place in life. I think that's normal.

Edited by Lady Florida.
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My DD was 19 until just a few weeks ago. She is finishing her third year at university and succesfully manages the insane workload of a double major in physics and an interdisiplinary humanities major. She also runs an organization that provides free ACT tutoring for local high school students and is president of the Women in Physics Society. She will have a summer internship at a National Lab. She is organized, on top of her life, just found a new apartment and getting ready to move.

She does not quite know what exactly she wants to do after she graduates next year, but she'll figure it out; she has so many options.

We are very close and talk on the phone every day.

 

Edited by regentrude
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My 19 year old had so much trouble with new arrival trying to bully him that he left home.

 

We bought a house to fix up and rent and he iscamping out in one room, painting the exterior of the house.

 

Completed deploma ofConservation and Land Management just before he turned 18. The youngest person in our state to do this. He has been employed ever since.remote firefighters in the summer months and involved in the wild dog and fox control program in the winter (sourthen ark).

 

Everyone in the community that comes across him tells Methat he is the nicest guy they have ever met.a real easygoing pleasant guy. Extremely level headed.

 

He has profound dyslexia.

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When my eldest was 19, she was at university in Scotland, living in an apartment, hosting Sabbath dinners and Talmud study groups, making her own travel arrangements back and forth, setting up her own summer internships.

 

My current 18.5 year old is about to graduate high school.  In the fall he'll enter a terrific program in the field of his choice at a terrific university... but every.single.step of the application process was like pulling teeth.  Over the summer he'll be doing a pretty-good in-his-field internship... but I found it for him, and every.single.step of the application process was like pulling teeth.  He still doesn't have a drivers' license, so he'll be spending a good part of his wages on Uber.  He'll be living in the dorms in the fall and I sincerely doubt he'll change his sheets all semester   :scared: .  (Like my eldest) he's terrific company, smart and funny and creative and engaging... but the frontal lobe is just not developed yet.  Not needed right now?  No problem!

 

 

 

I expect they're both in the range of "normal."  Such ranges are pretty wide, lol.

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Last year, ds1 was 19 and things seemed to be going well. He worked over the summer, got decent grades, and was generally on top of things. This year, all the same things are true, except he now has a diagnosis of bipolar 1. A few personal hurdles, a derailed semester, and some huge medical bills are the current issues. We are just hoping, praying, and trying to be the right kind of support as he figures out the immediate future and the "future" future.

My almost 19 yo dd1 is super organized, a planner, and a hard worker. She manages swimming D1, getting great grades, and navigating the way to get the things she wants/needs, like off-campus living, study abroad, etc. She seems happy with her life, and I have little concern that if she wasn't, she would figure out a way to change things.

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My 19 year old is in a psych ward. I think most of you are doing OK. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Sadie, at 19, my oldest was in a psych ward, too.

 

He did go on to finish uni, he got his degree in his chosen field. He still has to work hard to stay on top of his issues (he is bipolar 2) , and while he's doing great (good job in his field, etc), I know he has struggles. It hurts my heart, and I'm proud of him all at once.

 

Hugs to you.

 

And Mystery Jen, too. I just saw your post. And to anyone else dealing with these issues - I didn't read every reply on this thread, before responding to Sadie.

Edited by Spryte
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We're very fortunate with our current 19yo. He has a research position this summer that lines up great with his interests. This fall he starts his senior year for his bachelor's in electrical engineering. He's looking at beginning applications for PhD programs.

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My ds at 19 was great in some ways and a disaster in others. I'm glad he still lived at home so we could help clean up the messes, lol.  He just didn't see long term. He only saw the immediate future and was hard on dh and I. We got over this phase, but it was more than rough. 

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My 19 year old is living on his own about 2 hours from me. He pays his own rent and all other expenses. He has two retirement accounts set up for himself and pays those first. He works during the week when home and is taking classes at the community college near him to learn to build guitars. He did so well in the first class that the instructor hired him as an assistant for the next and allowed him to do a special project. He has a couple people who have already ordered a guitar made by him. He travels on weekends and often for weeks at a time performing music professionally and is contracted to work on a Disney cruise next year. He also has his own recording studio, has purchased his own equipment, and is planning some courses in sound engineering in the next few years.

 

His life is not anything like I might have imaged when he was growing up but he is an outside the box kid with plans and is enjoying making his own way. He has a good head on his shoulders and is doing well. 

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19 year old, Aspie......He is now finishing up his 3rd semester at community college.  He joined the Phi Theta Kappa honor society, and is motivated to finish community college!  YAY!

 

17 year old is in PS now and doing very well.  He is in the drama club, has a job at the local grocery store, and goes to the orphanage in Mexico in the summers to help out.  

 

Both are Eagle Scouts.

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My 19yo dd (20 in July) is very motivated...to create cosplay costumes and her art.   :huh:   She is fairly studious when she puts her mind to it and was my easiest child to homeschool.  But towards the end of high school and still, she seems sort of cranky and sassy in her attitude.  She is VERY introverted to the point that she doesn't want to make phone calls or ask people questions about even important things which frustrates me.  She needs to grow up, honestly, but I feel like she will be the most successful of my children--I realize that makes little sense given what I've just said!  LOL  She doesn't have her driver's license yet and confessed to me that she's scared about driving, but she wants to get a pt job and go to community college.  In her senior year she took the ACT and did not do very well.  She's always been a slow reader and she was stunned to do very mediocre in the math portion after considering it one of her best subjects.  I think that really brought her down and took away some of her academic motivation.  She also suffers from migraines--takes it like a champ--but I wonder if she is slightly depressed.  Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if all of us are because we've been through some tough times.  She's a strong person, though.

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When DS31 was 19, I think he was still homeless. Nonetheless, he started managing restaurants and is now an ER physician. Life can change many times over. I agree with the OP who said don't sweat the small stuff. But, I would want to add that our main job for our 19 year olds is to get them out of our wallet if they are capable of doing so. Everything else we do as parents should have already been done.

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