Jump to content

Menu

Honest opinions on large age gap between siblings


lovinmyboys
 Share

Recommended Posts

Most of that is more about the age of your parents at your birth than the age of your siblings, right? I'm hoping to have one or two more children once my current youngest starts school, but I'll be in my early 30's still, and my parents will still be in their 50's.

No.

 

The main thing is my siblings and I don't share a history. My sibs and I are close and love each other but we'll never share an upbringing. My experiences are totally different.

 

My parents had me in their 30s, just after a gap.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a large age gap: dd29, dd28, ds25, and ds9.

 

I greatly underestimated the bonds the siblings would have. ds 9 is absolutely NOT a do-over or a second chance, but I will never regret having him.

 

 

They are much closer than I expected. The teen drama gave me perspective on the toddler drama and the toddler drama gave me perspective on the teen/young adult drama.

 

No regrets.

 

now that dudeling is a tween . . . 1ds thinks his tween/teenage drama is hysterical. :glare: :glare: :glare:   fine, you deal with him.  1ds  was my 'cat'  (you know the teenagers are like cats . . .) they are also very close.   we're not sure if 1ds will be here next year or in florida. . . .

 

 

the older kids will try to "parent him" - and they act like adults.  what was surprising is 2ds still wants to be the bossy older brother.  probably becasue he missed out on that when he was young.

maybe dudeling will boss the grandkids.  when I get them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We older kids were 8, 10, and 12 when my sister was born. We had a dysfunctional home, and at ten, I became the second parent to my sister. She tagged along when I hung out with friends in high school (fortunately, I had a great group of friends who were fine with "only G or PG movies, guys!"), and sometimes even to my part-time jobs (restaurant and library).

 

She was devastated when I left for college - truly went through periods where she felt I had abandoned her. Instead of my mom sending me care packages, I sent cards and letters and boxes back home. Once she went to college, she understood much better, but it was heart-wrenching to see her run, crying, after my car as I headed back to college after every break.

 

My sister did feel like an only child by the time she was in upper elementary school, but all three of us older ones look out for her. We are all very different but keep in contact, even though we have two on the west coast, one on the east coast, and one in the midwest.

 

She is thrilled that she now has nieces and nephews who are old enough to enjoy movies and books that she loves, and that she can act like a kid when them when she visits.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Based on responses from a similar thread, I think this is going to have a lot to do with personalities. Some of it will be affected by situational things (will they all be homeschooled together? Go to different brick and mortar schools? Will one be off at college and hardly be around?)

 

My siblings and I are all 4 years apart, making my oldest and I have an 8 year gap. I didn't feel close to my sisters growing up. I thought of my oldest sister more like a second mom figure, though I don't think Mom left her in charge of me an extreme amount. When I got pregnant my mom actually said she thought I would have talked to my sisters about birth control. I wanted to laugh. We didn't have sisterly talks like that. And I didn't talk to my mom about that stuff, either.

 

Dd is 2. Ds will be turning 9 soon. We weren't ready to have a second kid sooner, so that's just how it is. Honestly, ds isn't very independent. I couldn't imagine if they had been closer in age. I already feel like they demand a lot of me but I guess not having both in diapers at once was kind of a relief.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dh and I were both the cabooses in our families. There is a five and nine year gap between my siblings and me, and dh's siblings are eight and ten years older than him.

 

Neither of us liked growing up that way, honestly. We both would have much preferred having at least one other sibling close in age. As previous posters have said, it was lonely and we never formed much of a bond with our brothers and sisters. As adults, we're still not close.

 

When it was time to plan our own family, it was very important to both of us that our kids be close in age, so we ended up having three kids in four years. Now they have the close sibling bonds that we missed out on, which makes me happy. 

 

I respect what you are saying but please keep in mind that many people do not have a say when God will give them another child. I wanted my children close, my first two are close and after a couple years of trying for #3 and infertility testing (nothing was found) we continued to try. I am saddened at the idea that we my soon be parents to another blessing and that they may grow up feeling unhappy with the spacing ~ as if we really had a say - because in reality none of us have that much say in our family size, spacing, gender or health.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I respect what you are saying but please keep in mind that many people do not have a say when God will give them another child. I wanted my children close, my first two are close and after a couple years of trying for #3 and infertility testing (nothing was found) we continued to try. I am saddened at the idea that we my soon be parents to another blessing and that they may grow up feeling unhappy with the spacing ~ as if we really had a say - because in reality none of us have that much say in our family size, spacing, gender or health.

 

No, and you shouldn't feel badly about it, but we're just saying that the children may have opinions like those stated in the thread. My parents wanted a third but didn't have luck until they had stopped trying. I'm the third. My mom didn't plan to have me at age 41 so I'm sure she didn't plan on having that 8 year gap between my sister and I.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't read any replies but in my experience, large age gaps aren't a concern. I am 15 years older than my youngest sibling and always made an effort to stay in touch with her and be involved in her life after I left my parents' home. I am closest to my sister who is 9 years younger than me, and my brother who is 16 months younger than me, and my brother who is 7 years younger than me. :) It has nothing to do with age gaps and everything to do with personalities and interests that mesh better than with other siblings. Maybe this is a large family thing- I'm the oldest of 8. Maybe it's how we were raised to prioritize sibling relationships. Even as adults we see and talk to each other a lot.

 

My youngest is 11 years younger than her next oldest sister. Everyone adores her and can't imagine life without her. :) I will say I'm a better (older, wiser, more relaxed, more patient) mom to my youngest than my older two. The lack of a close in age play mate is a bit of a drag sometimes, but honestly, my older two fought so much that I'm not in the least tempted to produce one for her. ;) I'd rather hear, "Mommy play with me?" a hundred times a day than screams and hair pulling, hitting and biting a hundred times a day.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We have a big gap (older dds were 9 and 11 when younger dd was born).  Gap was due to infertility/loss...

 

Older girls were homeschooled-- but their memories of living at home with younger dd are a mixed bag.... they loved cuddles but did not like her getting into things or interrupting their schooling.  Younger dd also made 'family movie night' limiting... Older dd's wanted to do teen things on vacation-- so most vacations had DH taking older girls one place while I did something else with younger dd...

 

Youngest dd is spending her teen years as an only child.  She really really wishes there was a sibling her age...  (I was not able to have more children so she was it).

 

I was a MUCH more active mother when I was in my 20's and 30's....

 

-- Dh was 9 and 10 years younger than his brother and sister.  He have very few memories of them living in the same house.  He did become friends with his brother when they were older -- DH was around 30... they have a good relationship now.

 

I'm 3 years younger than my brother and 2 years younger than my sister.  We were 'family' but were NOT close growing up.  I never went to a movie or to the mall with my sister...we left home the same week (she got married and I left for college)... we have been great friends ever since!  My brother and I are not close but we are happy to see each other when we get to attend the same family gatherings.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm about to have that. My oldest will be 16 when the new baby is born and the current youngest will be 10. It wasn't planned but I'm sure it will work out. My father has large age gaps with his siblings. He's from a blended family and the older kids were all teenagers when the younger ones were born. My dad is one of the younger ones. From my perspective, they were all very close. I didn't realize for a long time that they were so much older than my dad (typical kid obliviousness) or that they were half-siblings.

 

One thing I think that helped in my Dad's family is that he is and always has been very actively involved in maintaining family relationships. He organizes things, calls them, keeps in touch with their kids, checks in, visits hospitals, etc. He's been very proactive and it's paid off for the whole group. You need someone in the family who'll do that. I think without a person like my dad who really makes it a priority, there would have been a lot of emotional distance. Today, he's very close with one of his oldest siblings. She's one of the ones I saw the least of when I was a kid because her life was so different than ours and she lived farther away, but now they go out often. He's not as close with his younger siblings right now but there are special circumstances around that- I think the age gap was not detrimental.

 

 

Edited by Paige
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are pros and cons to everything. Personally, I didn't appreciate my brother being so close in age(13 months) but it is what it is, neither of us were planned. There is not some perfect formula for age gaps. My philosophy on having kids was that I had to feel sane again before having more, my gaps range from 2y7m to 3 yrs. We might have a caboose baby at some point which would be at least 5+ yrs apart from the next oldest, they will have a different experience but I refuse to feel guilt for that. Having babies is not something that we have 100% control over, sometimes they come closer than we want and sometimes further apart and if a kid is going to resent me for that oh, well. As parents, our kids will not like every decision we make. Some will be mad you didn't have more kids, some will be mad you had too few, meh. We try to correct the "mistakes" our parents make but we end up making our own mistakes. There is no perfection in parenting.

Edited by soror
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've come to think that there are different ups and downs in all age gaps. We have just shy of 3 years, 3y8m, 2y9m, 2y1m, and we expected to have 3y8m again but instead will likely have closer to 5 years. My younger three are pretty much the Three Musketeers, and the youngest two are really stuck together like glue, but the two bigger boys are good buddies too. And my oldest two are both best friends and worst enemies. They all pet on and love on the little ones like crazy and hope we have another baby.

 

You get different experience with your little ones than with the older ones, good and bad. I have less time for fun little kid stuff, but I'm more relaxed as a mom. Most of my babies have really gotten to be babies for a long time. There's really no ideal age gap, IMO.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was the baby born 7 and 10 years later than two older siblings. It was like being an only child in some ways and we had very different childhoods. I definitely remember them being in the house and have lots of memories of them they just did not play with me. I was sad when my sister moved out but I still saw her afterwards and thought it was so cool when she took me to her apartment. When I was a teenager she was someone I could confine in who was not quite a parent but not just another peer either. We grew close and have had a good relationship. I do not talk to my brother a lot on the phone but I like him and we get along when we are together. I used to not like the idea of having a big age gap because of it being sort of like being an only child myself but now I would take what I could get if I was ever in position to have a baby again. Nothing is wrong with being an only child so being a child with much older siblings is fine too. If you want another child and will be happy to have one then that is all that matters.

Edited by MistyMountain
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My older two were 7 and 9 when youngest arrived at 7 months old.  Oldest and youngest are very close.  Oldest and middle weren't especially close or especially distant.  Middle and youngest butted heads a lot due to personality differences until middle moved out and now they get along well but don't see each other more than once every week or two. There are pros and cons to everything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have 11, 8, and 19 months. There are pros and cons to it of course but baby is a delight and we all love him. It is what it is. There's no such thing as waiting too long unless your body says no. I see people out with three under five and am glad I didn't do that. I enjoy his baby cuteness so much more than if I'd had him piled on top of other small ones.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone. I think what I am worried about is missing out on my older kids childhood. They are now all old enough to go to movies, museums, field trips, etc. When we go on vacation we don't really have to split up much. On the other hand, my oldest is almost 11 so I am sure in a few years we will be splitting up again even without a baby. While the 5-10 range has reasonably similar interests, I'm sure it changes when they are 9-14.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone. I think what I am worried about is missing out on my older kids childhood. They are now all old enough to go to movies, museums, field trips, etc. When we go on vacation we don't really have to split up much. On the other hand, my oldest is almost 11 so I am sure in a few years we will be splitting up again even without a baby. While the 5-10 range has reasonably similar interests, I'm sure it changes when they are 9-14.

 

I'm not sure I follow.  My family hasn't ever split up for things due to age.  I mean, I guess we do let the older ones take off on their own for a bit in small amusement parks, but we'd do that without a 6yo in tow, too.  We've lugged him to Little League games from birth.  We've done movies with toddlers.  (Only with 2 parents, just in case they couldn't handle it.)  My now-10yo was brought along on a week-long archaeology experience when he was 2.  My youngest tagged along at co-op from the age of 3, where we now have lots of little ones running around.  

 

I can't think of anything off hand that we've missed out on.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

No one ever says oh I regret having this kid.

 

Do they?

 

If I had 4 kids so evenly spaced like the OP I would be happy and done.

 

But that is just me. I have an only. Sort of. When he was 10 he got a 9 year old step brother.

 

If you have another now, the last one is alone for many years after sibs leave home.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone. I think what I am worried about is missing out on my older kids childhood. They are now all old enough to go to movies, museums, field trips, etc. When we go on vacation we don't really have to split up much. On the other hand, my oldest is almost 11 so I am sure in a few years we will be splitting up again even without a baby. While the 5-10 range has reasonably similar interests, I'm sure it changes when they are 9-14.

 

I feel much more guilt about missing out on my oldest's childhood by having 3 little ones after him when he was still little. He was not quite 3 and 6 when they were born. Of course, at the time I thought he was old. But, I think it is much easier to push a smaller child into more responsibility and independence than they should have when you have lots of littles than it is to miss out on important things with a much older child who needs less one on one care and legitimately is more independent.

 

With my current youngest, because she is the baby, it's easier for me to see how small 3, 5, or even 10 is now that I have something to compare it to. My oldest complains that she is babied, but I just apologize to him and say I didn't know better when he was that age. I try to remember that with him now even though he's almost 16. I'm sure in a few years I'll realize 16 is just little too, so I try to be more patient and give him more one on one care than I might if I were sensitized to my previous mistakes.  

 

Uh, my point is that I think having a large age gap will make it easier to focus on my older kids than a smaller one allowed. 

Edited by Paige
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My kids are 24, 22, 11, 10, 9, 2, and newborn (I need to change my signature!).  

 

I would have had more kids all along, but it didn't work out that way.  When my oldest two were 15 and 18, we started fostering (about 50 kids now) then adopting.

 

Until now, we've all lived under the same roof and I feel all my kids have a chance to be close despite age differences.  The 22 yr old adores the 2 yr old and it doesn't seem to matter that there is a 20yr age difference.  No doubt it looks different than if there were a 4year age difference, but it isn't a bad thing. Just for example.  And my middle three LOVE playing with their 2yo brother, including him in almost everything.  They are so sweet!

 

HOWEVER, my oldest bought a house!  And she is taking her brother with her.  So...No doubt that will change things up a bit relationship wise.  And I'm scared that the two youngest will never know their siblings WELL. But really?  My daughter is right when she says that this is a choice.  My big kids aren't moving to Timbuktu; they are just getting their own place.  The relationships will be different; but again, they don't have to be inferior by any stretch. 

 

As I was scrolling through (haven't read whole thread yet), I noticed people saying that the experiences are different for older and younger kids also.  I think that is true.  However, again, I think it is a matter of different, not inferior.  Hubby and I may be a little older and not have the energy we did at 30, but we also have more experience and are better responsible to give these kids different experiences than the oldest two got.  

Anyway, I wouldn't worry at all about a 5yr age difference.  Anymore, I wouldn't worry too much about a 20year one :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are pros and cons to everything. Personally, I didn't appreciate my brother being so close in age(13 months) but it is what it is, neither of us were planned. There is not some perfect formula for age gaps. My philosophy on having kids was that I had to feel sane again before having more, my gaps range from 2y7m to 3 yrs. We might have a caboose baby at some point which would be at least 5+ yrs apart from the next oldest, they will have a different experience but I refuse to feel guilt for that. Having babies is not something that we have 100% control over, sometimes they come closer than we want and sometimes further apart and if a kid is going to resent me for that oh, well. As parents, our kids will not like every decision we make. Some will be mad you didn't have more kids, some will be mad you had too few, meh. We try to correct the "mistakes" our parents make but we end up making our own mistakes. There is no perfection in parenting.

 

 

Agreed.  

 

If you want to have another baby the age spread wouldn't worry me at all.   Yes you might miss things with your older kids, but you will gain things too.  So will they. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the desires and personality of the oldest child are what really determines how this works out. My sister and I were six and eight years old when my parents had a third daughter. I was absolutely thrilled, deeply invested in being a good sister, and she has been an absolute blessing on my life. Six years isn't that much though.

 

My oldest (only, at the time) son was 10 when his twin brothers were born. Obviously he didn't have a peer type relationship with them in their childhood. But he was always very engaged with them. He was my least motivated child in high school. Despite his high intelligence, he was an average student. He was not ambitious about sport or other activities. But consequently he had more time in his teens to be around the house. He gave his brothers a lot of time and energy. He protected them, entertained them, and enjoyed them.

 

We made sure he always had his own room and allowed him to make it off limits to them. We tried not to burden him with their care. For the most part, I allowed him to have a level of authority to direct them. I think those things helped. I do think most of the reason they are so close is because of the character and personality of my oldest son - and partly because my twins were agreeable, easy boys.

 

My oldest is 29 now and they are in college. He still does a great job keeping up with them, and is very much a part of their lives.

Edited by Danestress
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My brothers were 19 and 13 when I was born. The oldest never lived in my house and the younger one died when I was 3.  So, I was raised as an only child.  I really didn't know any better and only perceived the grass to be greener with bigger families.  My parents were in their 40s. I lost both of them before most of my kids were born.  That is biggest drawback.

 

My parents were great.  They were settled, seasoned parents by the time I was growing up.  I cherish that time I had with them.  They were very different parents to me.  They had so much time to give me that my brothers didn't get.  

 

My kids have a big span...My oldest was 17 when my youngest was born.  I think my kids pair up according to personality, not age.  Maybe because of homeschooling?  I don't know.  My oldest and youngest have always been close.  He's at college and the ds4 will beg to go pick him up, they hang out and watch TV.  It's a sweet relationship.  But...DS21 and DD12  match in personality and generally get along the best. DS4 and DD14: DS9 and DS6.  We are at the stage now that we do have a built in babysitter.  I work very PT, so DD14 is in charge about 2 afternoons a week.  Before she was old enough to be in charge, i hired a babysitter.  All kids agree that they prefer to not have a babysitter, so she is willing to do it.  Rarely do I use her for babysitting outside of that. When we are out, though you would think she was in charge all the time because the littles hold her hands. :) Wonder what people think when they see her taking care of them?  I am guessing some assume since our family is big that she is always responsible for them.  So not true!!  She's just more fun. :)

 

We invest the most time in the older kids activities because I know everyone will get their turns.:)  We try to spend time at home together instead of running like crazy to get everyone to individual sports and activities.  That's where relationships are built.  Just being together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personalities matter more than age and relationships between siblings change over time.  There's an 18 year gap between my oldest sister and I and only an 18 month gap between my other sister and I.  Growing up, I was closer to the one closer in age and now I'm probably closer to the older one because our personalities and life styles are similar.

 

We have a ten year gap between our oldest children and our youngest children -- oldest ones biological, younger ones adopted.  I watch those relationships ebb and flow.  

 

Bottom line -- it will change over time and there's no right answer.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone. I think what I am worried about is missing out on my older kids childhood. They are now all old enough to go to movies, museums, field trips, etc. When we go on vacation we don't really have to split up much. On the other hand, my oldest is almost 11 so I am sure in a few years we will be splitting up again even without a baby. While the 5-10 range has reasonably similar interests, I'm sure it changes when they are 9-14.

 

This aspect has been hard for me. My older kids were 9 and 7 when #3 was born and then #4 came less than 2 years later. I've been stuck home with challenging little ones while DH does the fun stuff with the big kids. I do not enjoy the baby/toddler/preschooler stage, and I was just feeling human again when I got pregnant with #3. I wanted to travel and enjoy things with them, but that has all disappeared. There's pretty much not a time in the day when someone isn't needing me for something. We can't afford help, and family isn't reliable. If I live until my youngest is 5-6, I would not survive another baby.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dad (oldest) had a huge age gap between him and his youngest (surprise) sister.  She was always his favorite, and she has always been my favorite aunt. The gap seems to have removed any aspect of competition between them and they've always been very supportive of each other.

 

As to the stuck at home thing - there is no reason you can't decide to embrace babywearing, switch from a purse to a huge diaper bag, and take baby everywhere. Not every family stays home nonstop with infants. It's a different kind of busy, but stuck at home with routines is an American culture thing.  It's not the standard everywhere. Seems like I read some book about the ways different cultures cater to children, and in one of the South American countries (Argentina?) parents just carted small children with them - they napped whereever they were, whenever they were tired, rather than the way we do things here - adjusting our whole lives to our kids.  I'm not saying routine isn't ideal in terms of children's moods, but I do think kids are more adaptable than we give them credit for.

Edited by Katy
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This aspect has been hard for me. My older kids were 9 and 7 when #3 was born and then #4 came less than 2 years later. I've been stuck home with challenging little ones while DH does the fun stuff with the big kids. I do not enjoy the baby/toddler/preschooler stage, and I was just feeling human again when I got pregnant with #3. I wanted to travel and enjoy things with them, but that has all disappeared. There's pretty much not a time in the day when someone isn't needing me for something. We can't afford help, and family isn't reliable. If I live until my youngest is 5-6, I would not survive another baby.

 

How old is your little one?  

 

I think you have to make sure you and dh are switching off so you both get to do the fun things with the older ones.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How old is your little one?  

 

I think you have to make sure you and dh are switching off so you both get to do the fun things with the older ones.   

 

That was the short version for the interwebs. While yes, switching would be an obvious solution, for various reasons (such as him not being able to breastfeed and one child having MSPI among many others), it has not worked for us. I know it will get better as they get older, but when you're dying inside, waiting a few more years doesn't seem that helpful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My older brother is 2.5 yrs older than me and we aren't very close. My younger brothers are 11 and 12 years younger and we get along great. The older of the two and I text or talk a few times a week.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted from another thread : So if my eight year old was in school, she wouldn't have been outside enjoying the cool morning air, before the heat sets in and we go do school, with her older sister and toddler brother while mama worked in the garden. They wouldn't have decided to have a water balloon fight. Brother wouldn't have pushed his toy car across her path at the precise moment she was running, and she wouldn't have tripped and fallen, bruising badly, but not breaking, her arm. Everyone would have been at some safe and sterilized place. And yesterday, brother wouldn't have crunched down on a tasty snail and had sisters put him in a headlock to remove it from his mouth...evidently he liked it! Oh the stories and memories they will have! 💕💕

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 years later...

My mother was 25 years older than her youngest brother, and my grandmother was 27 years older than her youngest brother. As a result, I am only 9 years younger than my youngest uncle, less than 9 of course, and only 27 years younger than my mother's youngest uncle. In fact, they could be my brother and uncle in terms of age, respectively.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, alni said:

My mother was 25 years older than her youngest brother, and my grandmother was 27 years older than her youngest brother. As a result, I am only 9 years younger than my youngest uncle, less than 9 of course, and only 27 years younger than my mother's youngest uncle. In fact, they could be my brother and uncle in terms of age, respectively.

I’m not sure why you chose to resurrect a thread from 2017, but welcome to the forum, alni!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

That isn't that big a gap.  There are 49 years between me and my youngest brother.  I think though if you want kids to have a sibling relationship they need to live in the house together for a few years.  My relationship with my 4 youngest brothers is more that of an aunt.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dad's older brother was 12 years old when he was born (and he's the second child) His younger sister is exactly 5 years younger than him.  Now, that he is in his 70s, he is still close with both of them -- although my remembrance growing up was he was closer to his brother than his sister. It's just that all the cousins are a half generation older than us girls. So they were teenagers/just married when I remember them and getting to be grandparents now as our kids are growing up. Etc

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 minutes ago, vonfirmath said:

My dad's older brother was 12 years old when he was born (and he's the second child) His younger sister is exactly 5 years younger than him.  Now, that he is in his 70s, he is still close with both of them -- although my remembrance growing up was he was closer to his brother than his sister. It's just that all the cousins are a half generation older than us girls. So they were teenagers/just married when I remember them and getting to be grandparents now as our kids are growing up. Etc

When I was growing up, my first cousins were my Dad’s age because he was the youngest in a huge family. Their children were our playmates. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/18/2017 at 6:06 AM, lovinmyboys said:

We have 4 boys. The oldest and youngest are 5yrs and 8mos apart. Then we decided to be done having babies for awhile. My youngest just turned 5 and I feel ready to have another.

 

My main concern is the big age spread. If I got pregnant fairly quickly my older kids would be (almost or already) 6, 8, 10, 12. I'm thinking I waited too long. Any experiences with a large gap? How did it work out?

My daughter is about to marry a great guy who was 16 when he found out he was having a sister. 😉
They were 18, 16yo twins, and then a little girl.  She's almost 4 now and as sweet as can be - very grown up because older sibs are her social group but adored.   ETA: My future son in law and his baby sister have a sweet relationship.  I suspect that if anything happened to their parents that DSIL and DD would raise her.  She is a special playmate to our youngest DS and DD too. ❤️ 


One of my most beloved women in this world has: 25yo, 24yo, 21yo, 18yo,  (then post reversal)  13yo, 11yo, 9yo, 7yo....... and now their miracle "post-pre- menopausal" baby.  He's about 10 months old.    In all seriousness, the joy they derive from that baby is OFF THE CHARTS.  Yes, mom and dad are slower now, lol, but the patience and time are so much more than before.  He's incredibly beautiful.  He might be named after me so I might be biased. 😉❤️ 

I will add, if it was me, I'd plan on two.  If it was convenient, lol, twins, but if not, back to back would be ideal.

Edited by BlsdMama
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, BlsdMama said:



I will add, if it was me, I'd plan on two.  If it was convenient, lol, twins, but if not, back to back would be ideal.

I had hoped for twins when I found myself pregnant with dd.  She's exactly 8 years younger than her twin brothers and 11 1/2 years younger than her oldest brother.  I wouldn't plan my family this way and it was tough at times, but it worked out fine in the end.  She's 18 now and very close with her brothers - especially her twin brothers.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It caught my eye that I had posted in this thread before. . .

 

Our littlest guy is two now. There is indeed just over 5 years between him and the one above him, almost 17 years between him and our oldest. Everyone dotes on and adores this sweet baby.  He's close to all of them.  Yes, I do worry that he will be left at home by himself when he's older. I'm not opposed to another child, but it also isn't likely, given that I'm 44. But I'm so, so glad we had this baby because he brings so much joy to all of us. Yes, I'm busy, but I am also more laid back too. I take naps with him, read him books, let him climb into my lap to eat, do schoolwork with him in my lap, etc.  He is indulged but hopefully not too spoiled. 

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Farrar said:

Well, this is an oldie. Did she have another? How'd it work out a few years on?

Haha! So weird to see this pop up today. I never did have another and my kids are now 9-15. I still sometimes think maybe we should have one more, but I am 99.9% sure we are done.

We are hosting two college baseball players this summer, so I will get to see what it is like to have six kids, sort of. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...