Jump to content


What's with the ads?

Photo
- - - - -

Honest opinions on large age gap between siblings


87 replies to this topic

What's with the ads?

#1 lovinmyboys

lovinmyboys

    Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1073 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:06 AM

We have 4 boys. The oldest and youngest are 5yrs and 8mos apart. Then we decided to be done having babies for awhile. My youngest just turned 5 and I feel ready to have another.

My main concern is the big age spread. If I got pregnant fairly quickly my older kids would be (almost or already) 6, 8, 10, 12. I'm thinking I waited too long. Any experiences with a large gap? How did it work out?

#2 Linda in TX

Linda in TX

    Hive Mind Royal Larvae

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1058 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:18 AM

When my youngest was born, my older ones were 14, 11, and 7. They are all good friends. My oldest flew from California to Texas to surprise the youngest on her 16th birthday. She spent an entire day this week with her very pregnant sister getting their hair done. And she is planning a weekend trip this summer with her other sister.

 

All of them have stayed very involved in her life.


  • Hypatia., gardenmom5, ErinE and 4 others like this

#3 Mbelle

Mbelle

    Just Visiting

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 669 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:19 AM

Our older 2 were 10 and 12 when our third baby arrived.  They love him so much.  It is a different relationship than what the first two have, but it is good.  The only thing is that he will be alone by the time he's 8.  I'm way too old to have another baby.


  • gardenmom5 and ErinE like this

#4 Carrie12345

Carrie12345

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11397 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:24 AM

I don't have that big of an individual gap, but I do have that big of a range.  18, 14, 13, (almost 19, 15, 14,) 10, and 6. My oldest also has siblings that are somewhere around 14, 9, and 2.

 

Everyone's fine.  I'm definitely stressed and tired, but the kids are okay!


  • joyofsix, ErinE, IEF and 1 other like this

#5 brehon

brehon

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2359 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:30 AM

My kids range in age from almost 16 to 4. The eldest and youngest are very close. [ETA: I have six kids.]

As Carrie said, your kids will probably be fine. The hardest thing for me is remembering to parent each one according to his/her developmental age, not the age of the one I just dealt with.

Edited by brehon, 18 May 2017 - 06:32 AM.

  • Quill, gardenmom5, ErinE and 2 others like this

#6 AnnE-girl

AnnE-girl

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1419 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:33 AM

My kids are still young, but my third came along when my first two had just turned 9 and 7. It was easier in some ways and harder in others. It wasn't as physically exhausting as having a toddler and newborn, but my big kids had lots of activities that the baby just had to go along for. He spent more time in his car seat than his siblings did. They love him though, and they're very helpful. I'm also appreciating his littleness more because I know just how quickly it goes by.
  • MotherGoose, gardenmom5, Mbelle and 2 others like this

#7 magnificent_baby

magnificent_baby

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2045 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:37 AM

My sister has a University graduate and a Kindergarten graduate this year. Her youngest has been a huge blessing to our entire family. She's almost like an only child since her sister is off to school, and her brother is a junior in high school. We all help out with her and she spends a lot of time at my house and her other aunts due to their schedule. We all argue over who gets to watch her because she's really a fun kid. :)


  • gardenmom5, ErinE and CES2005 like this

#8 Amira

Amira

    In a maze of beige

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 8904 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:45 AM

My kids are still young, but my third came along when my first two had just turned 9 and 7. It was easier in some ways and harder in others. It wasn't as physically exhausting as having a toddler and newborn, but my big kids had lots of activities that the baby just had to go along for. He spent more time in his car seat than his siblings did. They love him though, and they're very helpful. I'm also appreciating his littleness more because I know just how quickly it goes by.

 

This is similar to our spacing and experience too. But now that our oldest has graduated from high school and the next graduates in a year, my youngest is sad that there is such a big gap.  He is not looking forward to being the only child at home for eight years, especially since we don't live near other family.  He also has a very strong sense of the injustice of being the youngest, but that's more about his personality.  There are definitely good things and bad things, like there always are when you're trying to figuring out when/if to have another baby.  



#9 coralloyd

coralloyd

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1155 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:47 AM

When my fourth was born my first three were 12, 10, & 8. An eight year gap seemed giant to me! I was a little worried too. Now, I say to people that I highly recommend having kids close together and far apart. Yes, it is a different relationship, but, oh my, he is soooo doted on, so adored. My oldest asks my all the time, "Aren't you glad you had him? Now our family feels complete." I am glad. I thought I was nuts when we started trying for him, but all my worries have vanished. Having him was actually a huge benefit to my older three. They have gotten to see and experience what it is like to have a newborn, a baby, a toddler.... Go for it! Every child is a huge blessing.


  • Evanthe, soror, gardenmom5 and 4 others like this

#10 Evanthe

Evanthe

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6221 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:48 AM

We have a large age gap.  My oldest turns 16 this fall and the youngest just turned 2.  All the kids in the middle are teens/preteens.  You've heard of helicopter parents?  Well, the 2 year-old has helicopter sisters.   :tongue_smilie:  They carry him ALL over the place.  He actually did not start walking until he was 16 months old, because they are constantly carting him somewhere.  If he wants something, he just points to it and they get it for him.  He is SPOILED.  And he has a huge connection with ds14.  He doesn't call him by his name, he calls him Bro.  So, when ds14 walks into the room, the 2 year-old shouts, "Bro!"

 

And they all still get on the floor and play with him (except dd15).  Ds14 rolls around on the floor with him all the time.

 

The age gap is really not so bad.  I was worried, too.  


  • wendy not in HI, soror, gardenmom5 and 5 others like this

#11 Mshokie

Mshokie

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 85 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:53 AM

I have just two kids and they are 9 years apart. DD just turned 3 and DS will be 12 in a couple of months. So far, it's been great to have an older child who can both help when needed and entertain himself when necessary. DS is very nurturing with his little sister and she just thinks the world of him. He can snap her out of a tantrum better than anyone!
DH and I both come from families with two kids with a large age gap. There are 5 years between my sister and me and 7 years between DH's sister and him. We are not particularly closer with our siblings, but I think part of that is because we were not homeschooled, so we didn't really spend much time with our siblings growing up. My kids are together all day and DD tags along to all of DS's activities. So, even though they are at different stages of growing up, they have a lot of shared experience.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk

#12 Hilltopmom

Hilltopmom

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2147 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:57 AM

I have a big gap- 2 teens and 2 littles. (We adopted the littles as newborns from foster care, they are biological siblings)

I've got a bigger gap than you would. Oldest & youngest are 14 years apart.
It's great. And it's tough.

Great because it's been fun to have littles again. I'm more laid back as a parent & better, I hope. One teen is thrilled about being a big sister, babysitting, playing with them. The other wants to move off to college early (toddlers are loud & well, kids).

It's tough because it's hard dragging babies & toddlers around to all the stuff the teens do. And teen stuff is often at night when I should be home putting the littles to bed. My friend have mostly teens so the littles don't have other playmates. The moms who have kids ages 2 & 3 are really young compared to me.
Homeschooling the big kids is very difficult. Oldest has been completely independent for a couple years, 14 yr old is going to public school next year- she has learning disabilities & isn't getting what she needs from me anymore (I'm a special Ed teacher, but it's just too loud & chaotic here with the littles running around)

The youngest ones will go to public school. I'm over homeschooling & running co op, & field trips, etc.
I need to go back to work so we can save for retirement & get our house paid off by then.

Eta- that sounded very negative. We're thrilled with the littles, but they are a handful & I'm tired ;). Love them to pieces!

Edited by Hilltopmom, 18 May 2017 - 07:00 AM.

  • Splash, gardenmom5 and ErinE like this

#13 Word Nerd

Word Nerd

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11554 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:06 AM

I know a family whose three kids were born seven years apart (oldest is 14 years older than the youngest), and they're very close. I also have a friend whose youngest daughter is younger than her oldest grandchild.

Edited by Word Nerd, 18 May 2017 - 07:09 AM.

  • gardenmom5 likes this

#14 MEmama

MEmama

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3845 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:11 AM

My siblings are a year apart, 5 and 6 years older than me. As kids we had no relationship; as adults my brother and I try but my sister and I will never know each other. Due to the age difference, they were absent during my growing up years and thus we have nothing in common and no shared history.

They are closer to each other, if not exactly close.
  • whitehawk likes this

#15 Zinnia

Zinnia

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1112 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:12 AM

My dh's sisters are 10, 13, and 14 years older. He was an only child at home after age 8 (compound ed because they moved 11 hours away, and the sisters all stayed).

He has said that he was lonely at times, and if we had a late in life baby, he would prefer to have 2.

But in adulthood, we are all close, and it's good. My sister in laws are a unique relationship to me.....sort of like wise sages instead of peers. But we get along well, and I love them all dearly.

It also makes weird extended generations--my oldest SIL had babies young, and dh and I were older. Of the family, we are closest to dh's oldest niece. She is 5 years younger than me, her dh is my age, and they have kids the ages of my kids. It's who my kids (and hers) think of as cousins.

Edited by Zinnia, 18 May 2017 - 07:14 AM.

  • mom2scouts likes this

#16 whitehawk

whitehawk

    Making it go!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5441 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:20 AM

Keep in mind that your youngest will likely have no memory of living with your oldest, maybe not really the second oldest either.

 

How the relationships go in the long run will have to do with their personalities and also circumstances like who winds up living where.


  • Mabelen, mom2scouts, gardenmom5 and 2 others like this

#17 Evanthe

Evanthe

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6221 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:22 AM

It's tough because it's hard dragging babies & toddlers around to all the stuff the teens do. And teen stuff is often at night when I should be home putting the littles to bed. My friend have mostly teens so the littles don't have other playmates. The moms who have kids ages 2 & 3 are really young compared to me.
Homeschooling the big kids is very difficult. 

 

This is probably the worst of it for us, too.  The toddler is so used to going to the older kids' activities that we have a system.  He just knows nothing else.  Depending on the activity, I either take him to the park to play while the older kids do their sport/class or I bring a backpack with toys and he and I play together in the waiting room.  He actually likes that time together.

 

Mine has bad sleep patterns and it's probably from inconsistent bed times/no nap if we have to go somewhere.

 

About friends - I've already started asking around for playdates with my 2 year-old.  I feel like I'm networking or something...  I'm going to do my best to let him develop friendships/make time for friends, etc.  That's going to be important for him with the age gap.

 

Moms 20 years younger than us...   :D  Yeah, it's weird, isn't it??  Sometimes, when I'm in a waiting room at one of the kids' activities, I feel like I just landed on another planet.


  • mom2scouts, Mbelle and Hilltopmom like this

#18 Spudater

Spudater

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2125 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:35 AM

My Mom came from a large family, so there's not really a gap, just stair steps :) but now as adults the baby sister she got to love on is her best friend. They are about ten years apart.
  • Hypatia. likes this

#19 Murphy101

Murphy101

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 15904 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:39 AM

We have 4 boys. The oldest and youngest are 5yrs and 8mos apart. Then we decided to be done having babies for awhile. My youngest just turned 5 and I feel ready to have another.

My main concern is the big age spread. If I got pregnant fairly quickly my older kids would be (almost or already) 6, 8, 10, 12. I'm thinking I waited too long. Any experiences with a large gap? How did it work out?


That's almost the ages of my youngest ones.

7 months, 5, 8, 11, and 13

They are doing great so far. But I also have 14, 16, 17, 19, 21, 22.

So my 14 yr old has a very different childhood than my 22 year old and they both have a very different childhood than my 5 yr old, who is probably going to be very different from my baby.

Different. Not better or worse, just different. The 21 yr old mom my first baby had is a different woman from the 43 yr old my current baby has. But they all seem to love each other and strive to stay connected. Some better than others at various times, but the bond is there.

I am the youngest by nearly 11 years and for the most part don't feel I have siblings. but that could be just as much family dysfunction as age gap bc my older siblings aren't exactly best buddies either despite being very close in age. (They are 9 and 10 months apart.)
  • RootAnn, gardenmom5 and IEF like this

#20 Splash

Splash

    Hive Mind Level 4 Worker: Builder Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 526 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:40 AM

Mine are currently 22, 19, 18, 16 and 11.  The 11 yr old wishes he had a brother younger than him but otherwise is fine and happy. The older kids are two boys, then two girls. (original plan was to have another that was closer in age to him but once we got to that point we decided we were done.)  I'm finding that most of our family friends don't have anyone his age so that makes it hard for him when we get together and I'm actively seeing out friendships with families that have boys his age.  Fortunately we have met several families with 11yr old boys that are the youngest of large families that are getting along well and these four boys will be starting middle school together in the fall. Watching him struggle with the older kids leaving, moving out, heading to college.  Missing them. I'm the oldest so no experience with this.

 

Hardest things have been baby/toddler out late for oldest brothers plays, concerts, events.  Spending weekends at older brother's travel soccer games. Sisters dance and violin lessons, etc.  He has spent a lot, and I mean a lot of time at doctors appointments in the last five years due to older sisters chronic illness.  Just since March 1st we've gone to 40 appointments for this child. Watching him struggle with the trauma of illness in the family, tired, struggling parents learning to manage all this.  This is one reason dh, myself and son decided on school for next year.  He'd like a break for all the stress and asked if I'd make sure all the appointments were done before I pick him up.  

 

Good things, his relationship with his older siblings.  They love each other.  So sweet.  Watching them encouraging the youngest, attending his concerts, sports, etc when they can.  Relationship between 16 and 11 yr old is very sweet and very tight.  He allows her to be young and play.  It helps her when she's struggling.  Her intelligent conversations and daily interactions have really improved his vocabulary, understanding of a lot of concepts, etc.  He is very sweet and compassionate boy who loves his family.  

 

Would I do it again?  Absolutely.  He is a joy and a blessing.  There were/are definitely moments when I wonder if it was best for him, but for the rest of us we are all thankful he's here.

 

KImberly

 mom of five adopted from Korea



#21 Selkie

Selkie

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1982 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:41 AM

Dh and I were both the cabooses in our families. There is a five and nine year gap between my siblings and me, and dh's siblings are eight and ten years older than him.

 

Neither of us liked growing up that way, honestly. We both would have much preferred having at least one other sibling close in age. As previous posters have said, it was lonely and we never formed much of a bond with our brothers and sisters. As adults, we're still not close.

 

When it was time to plan our own family, it was very important to both of us that our kids be close in age, so we ended up having three kids in four years. Now they have the close sibling bonds that we missed out on, which makes me happy. 



#22 LindaOz

LindaOz

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1607 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:41 AM

My oldest was nearly 17 when my youngest was born. They are now 5 and 22. They love each other and are great friends. Dd22 would be the first to tell you how great it is to have the youngest two in our family. It's also lovely for the younger kids to have the older siblings to look after them, treat them, play with them. It's a very special relationship - wouldn't change it for the world!!

Edited by LindaOz, 18 May 2017 - 07:42 AM.

  • IEF likes this

#23 Rach

Rach

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4141 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:43 AM

My brother is 12 years younger than me. His first day of kindergarten was my first day of college. I guess he is more like a nephew than a brother in a lot of ways.

We were close and I love him dearly, but he kind of grew up as an only child. Us older 5 kids were very close in age so we were all out of the house before he hit middle school. He has few memories of us at home. The rest of the siblings have a tight bond to each other, his tight bond is with his friends.

My parents were way more relaxed with him and also were financially in a much better position so he got opportunities the rest of us never had.

#24 Murphy101

Murphy101

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 15904 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:45 AM

My dh's sisters are 10, 13, and 14 years older. He was an only child at home after age 8 (compound ed because they moved 11 hours away, and the sisters all stayed).

He has said that he was lonely at times, and if we had a late in life baby, he would prefer to have 2.

But in adulthood, we are all close, and it's good. My sister in laws are a unique relationship to me.....sort of like wise sages instead of peers. But we get along well, and I love them all dearly.

It also makes weird extended generations--my oldest SIL had babies young, and dh and I were older. Of the family, we are closest to dh's oldest niece. She is 5 years younger than me, her dh is my age, and they have kids the ages of my kids. It's who my kids (and hers) think of as cousins.


Ha. Yeah. By my 40s I was a great great aunt. Yeah that's right. My niece was a grandma before I am.

I have memeories of my oldest siblings living at home when I was very young, but they are vague bc. Even when they lived at home, they were at school or work or dating, so not really home.

#25 Arctic Mama

Arctic Mama

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13023 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:49 AM

I'm not a fan of big age spreads unless the caboose baby has another sibling with them. One batch of kids and another batch of kids? Fine. But just one left trailing sucks.

Signed,
The kid who was practically an only child because of a big age gap.
  • Murphy101, happi duck and Selkie like this

#26 gardenmom5

gardenmom5

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 19600 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:54 AM

I think you need to relax.  if you feel like another is right - go for it. 5 years isn't very much.

 

 dudeling was born the year 1dd graduated from college.  2ds was 12 1/2.

 


  • Spryte and IEF like this

#27 Heathermomster

Heathermomster

    Isilwen Meneldur of the Woodland Realm

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4514 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:55 AM

FIL was 20 younger than his eldest sibling and the youngest of 5 boys. He was extremely close with his brothers.

My children are 8 years apart, and they love each other very much. One interesting side effect of having a younger sibling is that my eldest is very patient with children.

#28 Spudater

Spudater

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2125 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:56 AM

I actually am an only child, and while I wouldn't recommend it as a plan, it certainly didn't suck enough I wish I wasn't born. But I do think if you have a caboose you need to take a page from moms of onlies and make sure you seek out peer time for them. You can't count on much older sibling to be enough for them the way you might with a sibling only a year or two older.
  • slackermom and whitehawk like this

#29 SKL

SKL

    Qualified Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 26826 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 07:56 AM

I think it will depend more on chemistry than age difference.

 

My family of origin had the following age spread when the youngest was born (rounding): 0, 4, 11, 13, 14, 16.

 

The baby was adored by all.  The second youngest was a difficult kid but for the most part adored by all but his next older sibling.  (Despite being 7 years older, she resented and fought with him a lot.)  The older 4 tended to pair up as follows:  11&14, 13&16.  In adulthood, all 6 of us get along well.

 

I would say that if you really want another child, you should have one regardless of the other kids' ages.



#30 MEmama

MEmama

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3845 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 08:21 AM

My DH's brother is 10 years younger. When the brother was a baby, DH was saddled with taking care of him. Past toddlerhood, DH was a teen with a job and a life, and by the time brother was 8 DH was out of the house. Definitely they have zero shared history and certainly aren't close in anything more than an obligatory way. He grew up very much an only child.

We were amazed to recently realize that DS is older than brother was when DH and I got married. What an eye opener on the enormous age difference.
  • whitehawk likes this

#31 gardenmom5

gardenmom5

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 19600 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 08:24 AM

I know a family whose three kids were born seven years apart (oldest is 14 years older than the youngest), and they're very close. I also have a friend whose youngest daughter is younger than her oldest grandchild.

 

My grandmother's youngest sister was a week older than the first grandchild. (the challenge in that family was getting a picture of all 10 siblings together. I think there are two.  then one later in life of nine,  one died in young adulthood)  both girls, even ended up with the same name.  they were a generally close family.

 

my fil's oldest sibling- his sister - was 18 when he was born.   she refused to look at him for three days because he was supposed to be a sister.  (;-p) - then she fell in love with him and was a second mother to him.  even after she married and moved away - they remained close.  during wwii, when he was declared kia - it was her hair that went pure white in seven months as she worked to prove he was still alive. (their parents were both deceased at this time.)

 

1dd is an aunt/sister to dudeling - he goes to her house and has sleepovers.  she takes him places and people think she's the mom.  2dd had the least time with him, but made up games to play with him that he loved.  she now lives in another state.  If he were a NT kid, I would be able to send him for visits, but he's not. (I wonder if their relationship will by like the one I had with my dad's sister.  I was always excited to see her, even though it was only a few times every three years when she came home for three months).  he's very close to 1ds especially - he was the one who carried him around everywhere, and dotes on him the most.  2ds still lives at home.



#32 ErinE

ErinE

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4553 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 08:24 AM

With my four, the spacing is 3.5 years, 7 years, and 16 months so total the span is almost twelve years. DS14 gets along with both toddlers while DD11 gets along with my youngest DD2. DS4 and she tend to clash, but I think it may be personality more than the age gap. I haven't had any issues with the spread other than forgetting how much bliss comes from a full night's sleep. I love seeing how much the love in our family has grown with the addition of my younger two.

#33 ErinE

ErinE

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4553 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 08:28 AM

We have a large age gap. My oldest turns 16 this fall and the youngest just turned 2. All the kids in the middle are teens/preteens. You've heard of helicopter parents? Well, the 2 year-old has helicopter sisters. :tongue_smilie: They carry him ALL over the place. He actually did not start walking until he was 16 months old, because they are constantly carting him somewhere. If he wants something, he just points to it and they get it for him. He is SPOILED. And he has a huge connection with ds14. He doesn't call him by his name, he calls him Bro. So, when ds14 walks into the room, the 2 year-old shouts, "Bro!"


We had this too with DD2! The older kids carried her everywhere. They also talked for her so she was a bit speech delayed. For a year or so, she would just meet the minimum for spoken words. I finally had to tell the kids to make my youngest ask for things before fetching for her.

#34 coralloyd

coralloyd

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1155 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 08:29 AM

I want to also say that, if you homeschool all your kids they will still grow up together. If my older three were in school, it would be more of an only child situation. With all of us home my youngest gets lots of time with each of his siblings. They play with him all the time. When the youngest of the three will be 18, the baby will be 10. He will be very sad to not have his siblings around all the time. However, all of them will probably have him over for sleepovers and such. They will miss him too much to stay away too long. I also plan on doing tons of things with him. With only him at home we will be able to get involved in more activities. I am an only child and I loved my growing up years. My parents were the parents to volunteer to drive, host, etc... It all depend on the family.

 

 

ETA: I was homeschooled as an only child too.


Edited by coralloyd, 18 May 2017 - 08:54 AM.

  • mamaofgirls and Spudater like this

#35 nixpix5

nixpix5

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1364 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 08:29 AM

Mine are 23, 22, 7, 6, 6. I see nothing wrong with huge age gaps ;)

My brother and I are over 9 years apart and as adults we are very close and good friends. I wouldn't worry. Siblings are a blessing at any age!
  • gardenmom5 and mamaofgirls like this

#36 Murphy101

Murphy101

    Apprentice Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 15904 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 08:29 AM

I suspect the big differences will be when baby girl is a bit older.

I'm thinking when she's 2, I'll probably start using the parish mother's day out program 2-3 half days a week.

I've also not used any coops or whatever in many years because I saw no academic benefit to them and we got our social benefits elsewhere. I might reconsider that for her though since there will be such an age disparity at home. I might find it's not an issue, but I'm aware her childhood won't be the same as even her next up sibling. My middle schoolers and teens are fine but they have many siblings at home so our outside activities are enough. But she will be 12 and possibly have no other home schooling siblings in the house.

In theory, I'd love her to have a baby sibling within the next 2 years, but reality is that's not up to me. Nature took 5 years to have her and though I could be wrong, I don't see another coming real soon and very possibly not at all.
  • Spudater likes this

#37 Lecka

Lecka

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4671 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:01 AM

I am 8 and 11 years younger than my sisters.

 

I have a sister who moved out of state when I was 13 and she was 21.  She was only home for summers from the time I was about 10, but she lived in the same town so I saw her when she came home to do laundry, and for every holiday.  But once I was 13 I saw her once a year if that.  We are really not very close.

 

My other sister left for college out-of-state when I was in Kindergarten.  I was so sad.  We were so close.  Then she moved back to my hometown!  We were so close while I was in middle school and high school!  We are still close, but not like sisters who talk all the time.  But we are close. 

 

A lot of the issue for me is that my parents' marriage fell apart while I was very young, and I grew up very close to a step-father and step-mother who came into my life when I was about 6-7.  My sisters were either older teens or already graduating high school, and they did not like the step-parents for many years while I was close to the step-parents.  That was hard.

 

I also have very, very few memories of my family of me-mom-dad-sisters being together.  I just don't remember it very well.  My sisters have all these memories of my parents being married.  They did a lot of stuff together.

 

I did a lot of stuff with my step-parents. 

 

That is probably what comes up the most I would say.

 

I know quite a few people with caboose babies my older son's age (my older son is an "OIF 1 baby" and a lot of women had babies when their husbands came home from Iraq in about 2005).  It seems like it is a lot different when the parents stay married. 

 

Now that my son is 12 -- his caboose baby friends have older siblings in college and graduated from college.  It seems like it is a nice influence for them. 

 

However for me personally -- I always wanted my kids close together.  I never wanted to have one much younger child who wouldn't ever be a part of the main family life of the other siblings.  I also had a step-father who had medical issues while I was in middle school and so I always wanted to have kids while my husband and I were younger. 

 

But I don't think it is really a bad choice to make ----- it is just a choice I do not want to make. 

 

I think I had a lot of advantages with having two older sisters, and especially my older sister I am close too.  And she is 11 years older than me!  And I have really good memories of my other sister, too, from when I was a little kid and she took me places with her.  She is living in a very different way from me now and that would probably be the same way even if we were closer in age. 

 

Edit:  I will add that my mom saw that me and my next older sister were not very close, and she made a lot of effort to get us together, to send me to visit my sister, etc.  It was just awkward timing I think, because my sister was very busy and living far away while I was in middle school and high school, and that is just how it worked out I guess.  I stayed with her for a summer in high school but she was still working full-time at a very demanding job, so I didn't even feel like I spent much time with her.  I had a summer job there and I had a great time -- but didn't spend much time with my sister, really. 


Edited by Lecka, 18 May 2017 - 09:04 AM.


#38 Sarah CB

Sarah CB

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3183 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:10 AM

My kids are 21 (dd), 17 (ds), 15 (ds), 11 (ds).

 

The youngest has had a tough time because he's constantly trying to keep up to his older brothers and, to be honest, he can get on their nerves. When they were all younger, youngest would want to play Lego or Playmobil with them and it's hard for 6 and 8 year olds to play nicely with a 2 year old for too long. They were patient to a point.

 

It's difficult now, too, with the teen years. The middle boys are very good friends so youngest is left out. 

 

Personalities can make things harder as well. My 15 year old is very laid back (until he's not) and gets along well with everyone. He will ask youngest to play ping-pong with him or to play video games with him - not terribly often, but often enough. They get along decently.

 

My 17 year old does not have a ton of patience and youngest drives him up the wall. He does not initiate anything with youngest.

 

My eldest and youngest have a lovely relationship. She organized a bunch of preschool activities with him when he was younger - they'd bake cookies together or do math games, she'd read to him and do crafts with him. He really looks up to her - in fact, last week I found a paper he had written on his Hero and it was dd. That brought tears to my eyes and to hers as well. He really looks up to her.

 

I feel badly for youngest and, in hindsight, I think I should have had one more kid so that he did have someone close to his own age. It's tough to constantly try and prove yourself to older siblings. 



#39 MysteryJen

MysteryJen

    Empress Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3278 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:10 AM

My dh is 8 and 9 years younger than his brother and sister. They do not have the same memories of growing up and the relationship with their parents is very different. He really felt like an only child for most of his childhood. The only caution I would have is that it took forever....think 20 years before his siblings respected him as an adult. He stayed a little kid to them until he was almost 40. Which was super annoying to me.


  • mom2scouts and MEmama like this

#40 Ravin

Ravin

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12834 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:12 AM

Mine are 7 years apart. We didn't have much in the way of sibling conflict until the last year, and that's mostly because DD is going through the throes of puberty with mental health issues on top and is testy with EVERYONE including her brother.

 

A baby is a less stressful addition to the household with capable helpers around. The gap means that youngest may get some of the advantages of an eldest down the line in the way of undivided attention when older sibs are out of the home.

 

I frankly don't see the problem.

 

DH is 9 years older than his maternal half-brother and they are very close--as in BIL lived with us for over a decade kind of close. DH is not as close with his half-siblings on his dad's side who are 14 years younger, but that's got to do with dynamics between him and his stepmum and him thus keeping distance from that side of his family more than the actual age gap.

 

I also have much, much younger siblings who are more like nieces/nephews because of the age gap. I was an adult with a kid of my own when they were adopted. It's all good on that front, too. The relationships won't be the same as with close-in-age siblings, but can still be good and meaningful.



#41 Shelly in IL

Shelly in IL

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3010 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:16 AM

I'm a product of a large age gap. My closest sister is 14 years older. The biggest problem with the gap is how old my parents always were. They were too old to do fun things. I Think that's more important to keep in mind than the sibling relationships.
  • mom2scouts and Lecka like this

#42 mom2scouts

mom2scouts

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2760 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:34 AM

I have a big age gap because of pregnancy loss/infertility problems. As someone else mentioned, my older and younger kids don't have a shared history. We're older now and don't do the same kinds of things we did when the older kids where young either. My youngest sometimes feels left out of family history because she never lived at the old house, never met her paternal grandparents, never had cousins anywhere near her age, or didn't go on those beach camping trips. It's just something to keep in mind.


  • MEmama likes this

#43 Kinsa

Kinsa

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9600 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:39 AM

The sibling I'm closest with is 12 years older than me. She was just here visiting me last week, and I typically talk with her on the phone every day. She's my BFF.

Edited by Kinsa, 18 May 2017 - 09:40 AM.


#44 HTRMom

HTRMom

    Hive Mind Level 5 Worker: Forager Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 406 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:42 AM

My BIL is 5 years and 9 years younger than his siblings. My husband is the oldest. They talk on the phone all the time. My husband is a great influence on his younger brother, who's only 22 and needs guidance. I've known a few families to say that a baby is just what their crazy, busy teenage family needed.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

#45 happi duck

happi duck

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 8660 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:46 AM

I have a big age gap because of pregnancy loss/infertility problems. As someone else mentioned, my older and younger kids don't have a shared history. We're older now and don't do the same kinds of things we did when the older kids where young either. My youngest sometimes feels left out of family history because she never lived at the old house, never met her paternal grandparents, never had cousins anywhere near her age, or didn't go on those beach camping trips. It's just something to keep in mind.


This is my experience as the youngest after a gap.

I used to not mind but as I get older it bothers me. People my age have parents but I've lost mine already. I never had grandparents. My siblings and I don't have a shared experience/history. Being close didn't overcome that.

I'm glad I exist but i wouldn't chose being youngest by a lot.

(DH, also youngest by a lot, has had the same experience)
  • mom2scouts and whitehawk like this

#46 mamakelly

mamakelly

    Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1246 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:59 AM

My kids are 21, 18, 15 and 9. It's really hard, I'll be honest. He doesn't have anyone to play with, like the big kids had. He spends a ton of time in the car, waiting for siblings. He will be the only kid living at home for a long time. I love him to death, but I wish I had another right close to him, age wise.

#47 J-rap

J-rap

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11250 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 09:59 AM

There are pros and cons to any variety, and you just make it work.

 

One advantage of being the tail end is that at some point they'll get mom and dad's full attention, and often parents are more financially stable or settled by the time the youngest is a little older so they get to do things the others never did.  We have and will take a few special trips with our youngest that we were never able to take when we had everyone at home in the earlier days, for example.  (We don't have the big age spread but we still have had lots of time with our youngest alone that has been special.)



#48 Lecka

Lecka

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4671 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 10:38 AM

I honestly just leave the room to do something else if my sisters and mom want to reminisce about things they did up to the time my oldest sister was about 14 and my next sister about 11, which is when my memory starts.

That is a lot of shared stuff I am no part of.

At this point I don't feel left out, but it took being much older and having my own family.
  • happi duck likes this

#49 IEF

IEF

    just visiting

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4283 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 11:09 AM

I have a large age gap: dd29, dd28, ds25, and ds9.

I greatly underestimated the bonds the siblings would have. ds 9 is absolutely NOT a do-over or a second chance, but I will never regret having him.

I have very fond memories of two of my children, one a registered adult voter and one an infant, sitting in identical positions with identical facial expressions watching a political debate and expressing identical opinions of one of the candidate by blowing raspberry noises through their tongues.

They are much closer than I expected. The teen drama gave me perspective on the toddler drama and the toddler drama gave me perspective on the teen/young adult drama.

No regrets.

Edited by IEF, 18 May 2017 - 11:10 AM.

  • mamaofgirls and Mshokie like this

#50 6packofun

6packofun

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6392 posts

Posted 18 May 2017 - 11:20 AM

I wish our youngest had a sibling closer to him.  He is going to turn 11 and next sibling is 16.  (We miscarried between him and the 16yo.)  I can tell already that his relationships with the others just isn't the same.  Yes, personality comes into play a LOT, but the "doting on" ends after a while, you know?   I think about the memories thing as Lecka above mentioned.  The oldest 3 remember a lot of the same things, the next 2 sort of share some things and youngest has no idea what they are talking about.  lol  (But they all do enjoy reminiscing and hearing others' takes on our family life!)  I have to nudge oldest kiddos to make memories with the youngest because they are just doing their own things and I want them to love one another into adulthood!  I can't MAKE it happen, but I can sort of facilitate.  Right?  lol  

 

If I could do it again I'd have kiddo #6 closer to the others.  :)  (This isn't some huge regret in my life, though, don't get me wrong!)