MedicMom Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Being a mom of little kids, two with special needs, is the most isolating thing in the world. My youngest is turning two on Friday. I had booked a local play place for a small birthday party with just cousins(he has a bunch of cousins), aunts/uncles and grandparents. None of the cousins are coming due to family drama between my sisters, and I wasn't going to pay all that money for just my three to play, so I cancelled it. My husband suggested we invite some friends with small children to come before I cancelled it. Except we realized we literally have no friends anymore and couldn't come up with a single family to invite. I just feel very isolated right now. There is a lot of painful stuff going on anyway, and right now it feels worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 (hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 (edited) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I understand and sympathize. I'm so sorry. I was used to being around people all the time. It is so much harder now to find friends. Sending hugs and sympathy and hope for better days. Forgot this was a JAWM. Ignore below if you don't want suggestions. (I don't suppose there is ANY local option for a book club or gardening club or something else along those lines that would get you out and seeing other people even if it is only once a month or so? And maybe join a homeschooling group to meet other parents with children?) Edited April 24, 2017 by OneStepAtATime Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I'm sorry :( It can indeed be very isolating, if only because there isn't a lot of time to cultivate friendships. I've had to let a lot of people slide in recent months and I don't see that improving in the near future. That doesn't mean the loneliness isn't real and painful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamite5 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Being a mom of little kids, two with special needs, is the most isolating thing in the world. My youngest is turning two on Friday. I had booked a local play place for a small birthday party with just cousins(he has a bunch of cousins), aunts/uncles and grandparents. None of the cousins are coming due to family drama between my sisters, and I wasn't going to pay all that money for just my three to play, so I cancelled it. My husband suggested we invite some friends with small children to come before I cancelled it. Except we realized we literally have no friends anymore and couldn't come up with a single family to invite. I just feel very isolated right now. There is a lot of painful stuff going on anyway, and right now it feels worse. I'm sorry. You are right about the isolation. I've watched a friend and her son struggle with it for several years now. It has been a true trial for her as well as her son. It's too bad the adults couldn't put their differences aside and celebrate your son's birthday. That's a shame. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 (edited) Hugs. Motherhood is lonely and I think homeschooling even more so. On the bright side, I think many (most) people feel lonely. At least, that's what I tell myself. :-/ Edited April 24, 2017 by momacacia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 (edited) The main problem is that two of my children cannot be left with babysitters, and there's a dearth of babysitters in my area anyway. Grandmas watch the kids when I work and my husband isn't home, but I don't want to overuse that so I can go to a book club. Mom's groups like MOPS are out for the same reason, and my oldest won't be able to manage any homeschool groups unless I'm right there with him constantly. My husband works 24 hour shifts and we work opposite days for childcare reasons, so we often aren't home the same days for him to watch the kids so I can do something. It is what it is, but today it's all really bothering me. (It's not really about the party, but about not even having anyone to call on the phone to vent to.) Edited April 24, 2017 by MedicMom 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 :grouphug: I understand feeling isolated. I haven't had birthday parties for my two younger kids for similar reasons, and I used to throw fun parties for my older kids. It's not even parties--I'd love to have someone to be able to chat with in person. Texting and message boards just aren't the same. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I understand isolation and loneliness. ((Hugs)) When you realize you haven't spoken to someone who doesn't live in your house for over a month... Yeah, it's enough to make a person tear up. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I am so sorry. Family drama sucks, and it is so much sadder when the children get dragged into it. Hoping your youngest has a happy birthday! A small, drama-free gathering sounds nice, even if it wasn't what you'd originally hoped for. Enjoy the day, and spend that money on better things! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 :grouphug: Im so sorry, but I'm glad you can at least get a small amount of support here! I don't even bother trying to have friends and most of the time I'm ok, but sometimes being isolated Is difficult. And the worst part for me is that it's self-isolation I don't even have everything going on that you guys do, so I can't complain because I *could* go out and meet people - I just don't want to :p I can't believe your little one is already 2!! I really hope he's doing well, even if you can't leave him with a babysitter right now. I followed his story because we had a similar due date and the last thing I remember was seeing a video of him learning to crawl after having been sick :( :D <3 I wish there was more I could do for you besides commiserate :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38carrots Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 :grouphug: I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 :grouphug: Im so sorry, but I'm glad you can at least get a small amount of support here! I don't even bother trying to have friends and most of the time I'm ok, but sometimes being isolated Is difficult. And the worst part for me is that it's self-isolation I don't even have everything going on that you guys do, so I can't complain because I *could* go out and meet people - I just don't want to :p I can't believe your little one is already 2!! I really hope he's doing well, even if you can't leave him with a babysitter right now. I followed his story because we had a similar due date and the last thing I remember was seeing a video of him learning to crawl after having been sick :( :D <3 I wish there was more I could do for you besides commiserate :grouphug: He's doing great for all his early challenges. He doesn't speak, but there doesn't seem to be a physical cause for it. We are working with a speech therapist and use sign language, but he becomes sooooo frustrated and upset when someone doesn't understand his signs. Hence no babysitters, since I haven't found anyone who can even do basic signs. He's such a sweetheart. I think we will have a cake with his siblings and call it a day. He's too little to really care; I just wanted a fun celebration of his life. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 (Hugs) ITA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 I'm sorry :( It can indeed be very isolating, if only because there isn't a lot of time to cultivate friendships. I've had to let a lot of people slide in recent months and I don't see that improving in the near future. That doesn't mean the loneliness isn't real and painful. I get it. Maybe we can start an online support group. I sometimes need to talk to someone who just understands how it is to be so thankful for these little ones and yet still feel the pain that comes with it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Only one special needs child who's 18 and no little kids...similar issues. My closest friend is 1000 miles away Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 He's doing great for all his early challenges. He doesn't speak, but there doesn't seem to be a physical cause for it. We are working with a speech therapist and use sign language, but he becomes sooooo frustrated and upset when someone doesn't understand his signs. Hence no babysitters, since I haven't found anyone who can even do basic signs. He's such a sweetheart. I think we will have a cake with his siblings and call it a day. He's too little to really care; I just wanted a fun celebration of his life. That sounds perfect. I've never done parties for 2 year olds. Just celebrate with those who care and are close to you. Hugs to you and your dh. That's a tough road to be working opposite shifts and rarely have couple alone time. You are doing amazing things for your dc, though! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I get it. Maybe we can start an online support group. I sometimes need to talk to someone who just understands how it is to be so thankful for these little ones and yet still feel the pain that comes with it. Why not start a private chat group that isn't searchable from Google? It isn't very hard to do. I don't know if you've ever done one before but if you go to social groups there is an explanation for how to start one and put the privacy settings to super high. Post on the chat board and either include a link or ask people to post if they are interested and you can send them a private invitation. Have the thread deleted later once you have a comfortable number of members. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WoolC Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I'm sorry you're having such a hard time! You're not alone. My situation is very similar down to the special needs kids that can only be left with my mom whom I don't want to overuse and homeschool groups being too difficult for one of my children. If you decide to make a private group I would be interested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I can relate. I do not really have friends right now with kids to get together with like I did in the past and it makes going through things harder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 I'm sorry you're having such a hard time! You're not alone. My situation is very similar down to the special needs kids that can only be left with my mom whom I don't want to overuse and homeschool groups being too difficult for one of my children. If you decide to make a private group I would be interested. Anyone know how exactly to make a group? I don't know where to start. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 :grouphug: It is hard, isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 I get it. Maybe we can start an online support group. I sometimes need to talk to someone who just understands how it is to be so thankful for these little ones and yet still feel the pain that comes with it. If be surprised if there wasn't a special needs social group on here already. I'm horrible about checking them. I do actually belong to one specifically for these neonatal hypoxic brain injuries on Facebook and it's been so great to rant about how much this sucks and how heartbreaking it is without feeling the need to qualify it with the obvious 'of course I love my child' commens. Or, heaven forbid, the parents who genuinely wonder if they should continue life saving measures for their kids who are in respiratory distress *again*. Or how the non- verbal autistic kiddos in the group are amazing and awful in random turns throughout a given day. You just can't talk about that with anyone outside the sphere, it seems. The Hope for HIE group has been utterly therapeutic for me. I use the Hive for a lot of light social contact but for the hard stuff my specialized condition specific support group is amazing. If you haven't looked for one please consider it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 I cannot believe he is 2 already. I hear you about no friends. Homeschooling is isolating enough, without adding inspecial needskids, or in my case foster kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 I am really sorry for your pain. I was aware today, as I walked around in pain, that so often we must put others first and there simply is no visible reward, and you have t o smile and go through the motions. A few years ago something bad happened to me and it was really yucky when people were all, "Have a great day!" and there was no chance of a great day. I was living under a dark cloud of a big real issue I couldn't change. I had gotten out from under that cloud, but today I just feel awful. I wish you had a friend to lean on IRL. I'm sure you were a lot of fun before you had so many cares. That's part of the problem. When we quit having fun we become less fun... but then when we aren't fun to be around you get lonely fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Hugs... Loneliness sucks and is the huge problem of our generation. Adriene of yoga with Adriene has @yoga for loneliness this week. It may not be your thing but it was nice. Maybe it will help if you can find 20 minutes to spare. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DFVzpvz0FgQ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 I'm sorry. The jobs that run on alternate rotations or different shifts and non-traditional hours are tough to deal with all on their own. And then you add more on top of that and I can see where it gets even more challenging real quick. I'm sorry that your family couldn't put their issues aside for one day. I hope that you can find more support and sympathetic ears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 I was just thinking the same thing tonight. It really gets lonely sometimes. I work outside the home, so I get a lot more time with adults than others on these boards, but I really miss having an IRL buddy. What I really miss.....Is having normal things to look forward too and talk about. I miss planning vacations, or projects around the house. I miss having things other than medical stuff to think/talk about. I miss normal milestones...being normal milestones. I miss thinking about college/careers and futures for my kids without the nagging little voice bringing me down. I miss things being easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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