Jump to content


What's with the ads?

Photo

Normal?


23 replies to this topic

What's with the ads?

#1 Spudater

Spudater

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1905 posts

Posted 17 April 2017 - 05:28 PM

I just started reading "Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults." My thoughts are still kind of chaotic, but one thing that's making me very uncomfortable is how poor a judge I apparently am of what's normal. (I was classed as gifted as a child.). For example. i fidget except when I consciously decide not to...jiggling my leg, popping my joints, "typing " words with my toes, "playing" flute scales with my toes. I always thought of this as a lovable quirk ;). It never occured to me that this was odd enough to have an actual term (psychomotor overexcitability). My oldest rarely sits when she does schoolwork, she usually hops from foot to foot while standing. I've never felt like that was a big deal. It doesn't seem weird to me that someone would cry at seeing a homeless person on the street or feel sad for days after hearing something tragic about a stranger or get so lost in a complicated train of thought that they ask a bizarre question out of nowhere or take a nearly physical pleasure out of a well-turned phrase.
I don't know whether to feel comforted or worried that my little weirdos are being raised by someone just as weird.
  • Gratia271, Black-eyed Suzan, okbud and 1 other like this

#2 Lawyer&Mom

Lawyer&Mom

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 998 posts

Posted 17 April 2017 - 06:00 PM

I was listening to DD3.5 interrogating the neighbor last night and it hit me hard. She's weird. And I was *exactly* like her as a kid. I must have been a lot weirder than I thought I was. This was kind of terrifying. Parenting this kid is going to make me unpack all my childhood drama. Yikes.
  • okbud, Steppenwolf, Pegs and 2 others like this

#3 Spudater

Spudater

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1905 posts

Posted 17 April 2017 - 06:10 PM

Yeah, this is making me wonder how much weirder I appeared to others than I thought.
  • okbud and Pegs like this

#4 Lace

Lace

    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 478 posts

Posted 17 April 2017 - 06:11 PM

Well, overexcitabilities ARE normal for gifted individuals, sooooo....

 

But there's a reason gifted people aren't considered "neurotypical."


  • EKS, okbud, Jackie and 4 others like this

#5 okbud

okbud

    Cylon lover

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11871 posts

Posted 17 April 2017 - 07:05 PM

A-yep!!

A surprising amount of people don't find out they're gifted (or add or add or...) Until they start learning about it for their kids.
  • Gratia271, Pegs, Tanaqui and 3 others like this

#6 Sadie

Sadie

    Beekeeping Professor

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 22272 posts

Posted 17 April 2017 - 07:26 PM

My bar for normal is ridiculous. I sent dd to school at 12 thinking she was a remedial student. Ha! They looked at me like I was crazy. That was because I am crazy. Just because you enter 7th grade without having started on your 10 0000 word thesis like your sister doesn't make you 'behind' or so I'm told. Apparently entering with only a couple of short plays under your belt is acceptable :)


  • Starr, mumto2 and Pegs like this

#7 IsabelC

IsabelC

    Grumpy old woman

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5258 posts

Posted 17 April 2017 - 07:27 PM

Yep, I would think this is a common experience.

I have had (and still have, from time to time) these kinds of realizations - in both directions, too, because I'm 2E. That wasn't actually a thing when I was a kid, of course, so I wasn't diagnosed as such until much later, but my 2E kid is a little mini-me so I had a pretty good idea before being assessed myself. I suspect it's just natural to assume that others can do things you can do, and/or that they can't do things you can't do. I was shocked when I found out that not everybody has perfect pitch. I was equally astonished when I discovered that lots of people can remember a face, and recognize that face when they see it again, after only meeting the person once or twice; that is something I used to consider a superpower.

Also basing expectations for a kid on your other kids. Eg my first and second kiddos could ride a bike by age two and a bit, so I figured that must be the norm. I got so stressed wondering what was wrong with my third child when she hit her 3rd birthday and still couldn't balance on her bike consistently. Then she went off to 4yo kinder and I found out that she was the only kid in her class to have progressed beyond a tricycle, and some kids couldn't even ride the tricycles.

And having no idea with the first kid because you have nothing to base expectations on. First day my eldest tried a pre-kinder session, they sat all the kids down to eat snacks. I wondered when they were going to bring out the wash cloths to clean the kids up, then I looked around the room and it dawned on me that my child was the only one who couldn't eat a simple snack without getting it all over himself. I went off and cried for half an hour.

A similar sort of thing happened with my gifted niece. When she started her school career at age 4, her parents went to the school and said they were a bit worried because although she was comfortably reading novels, they were concerned that she was a bit slow on arithmetic, because she didn't quite get long division and multiplication yet. 


Edited by IsabelC, 17 April 2017 - 07:35 PM.

  • okbud, Pegs, Tanaqui and 1 other like this

#8 4kookiekids

4kookiekids

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 790 posts

Posted 17 April 2017 - 11:21 PM

I just started reading "Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults." My thoughts are still kind of chaotic, but one thing that's making me very uncomfortable is how poor a judge I apparently am of what's normal. (I was classed as gifted as a child.). For example. i fidget except when I consciously decide not to...jiggling my leg, popping my joints, "typing " words with my toes, "playing" flute scales with my toes. I always thought of this as a lovable quirk ;). It never occured to me that this was odd enough to have an actual term (psychomotor overexcitability). My oldest rarely sits when she does schoolwork, she usually hops from foot to foot while standing. I've never felt like that was a big deal. It doesn't seem weird to me that someone would cry at seeing a homeless person on the street or feel sad for days after hearing something tragic about a stranger or get so lost in a complicated train of thought that they ask a bizarre question out of nowhere or take a nearly physical pleasure out of a well-turned phrase.
I don't know whether to feel comforted or worried that my little weirdos are being raised by someone just as weird.



Hmm maybe I need to read this book, because none of what you said strikes me as odd...
  • bibiche and Spudater like this

#9 mamashark

mamashark

    Hive Mind Level 4 Worker: Builder Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 307 posts

Posted 18 April 2017 - 07:41 AM

What do "neurotypical" individuals think about when they are thinking? How is it not normal to have random trains of thought that you think through and come up with a "bizarre question out of nowhere"? I suppose it's not totally normal to do so since DH seems to get great pleasure out of me backing down the thought process to prove my questions are not truly random but honestly the result of a logical line of thinking, but what do "normal people" think about? 


  • kiana likes this

#10 Spudater

Spudater

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1905 posts

Posted 18 April 2017 - 08:12 AM

What do "neurotypical" individuals think about when they are thinking? How is it not normal to have random trains of thought that you think through and come up with a "bizarre question out of nowhere"? I suppose it's not totally normal to do so since DH seems to get great pleasure out of me backing down the thought process to prove my questions are not truly random but honestly the result of a logical line of thinking, but what do "normal people" think about?


Yeah, as I was reading the section on oversensitivities I definitely was wondering what normal would be like.
  • Pegs and mamashark like this

#11 kiana

kiana

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 7230 posts

Posted 18 April 2017 - 09:05 AM

I think for a neurotypical person the jumps are just smaller with more in between landing points so it's easier for other people to follow the train of thought and/or derail it. 

 

So here's an xkcd that I think is relevant -- https://xkcd.com/214/ -- this is how my brain works w/o wikipedia. Except that I will skip a lot more steps, so you end up with Tacoma Narrows Bridge -> Cotton and it takes me quite a while to retrace the steps to figure out what made me think of that. 


  • Gratia271, bibiche, Pegs and 3 others like this

#12 chocolate-chip chooky

chocolate-chip chooky

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 848 posts

Posted 18 April 2017 - 05:23 PM

I think for a neurotypical person the jumps are just smaller with more in between landing points so it's easier for other people to follow the train of thought and/or derail it. 

 

So here's an xkcd that I think is relevant -- https://xkcd.com/214/ -- this is how my brain works w/o wikipedia. Except that I will skip a lot more steps, so you end up with Tacoma Narrows Bridge -> Cotton and it takes me quite a while to retrace the steps to figure out what made me think of that. 

 

 

Regarding the bolded - yes!

 

I use the analogy that my daughter (11) has a train-line that goes express from point A to E, at bullet-train speeds. No stops. No slowing. No detours.

 

Me, well, I have to meander from point A to point B on the slow train. I stop there and take in the view for a bit. Then I hop back on and meander along to point B. etc etc.  :o

 

This is especially true in maths for my daughter. She'll just write a correct answer and I'll go 'huh'?

 

 

 

Spudater, everything you said in your original post is quite normal around here. Learning about OEs has been very, very helpful.

 

I highly recommend the blog called laughlovelearn: http://www.laughlove...uk/start-here/ 

It's all about OEs and family life. Super reading.


  • kand, Lucinda, Black-eyed Suzan and 2 others like this

#13 chocolate-chip chooky

chocolate-chip chooky

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 848 posts

Posted 18 April 2017 - 05:27 PM

I'll also add that something else that helped us understand OEs were the novels written by Allis Wade.

 

The first is called Orientation and its sequel is called Revelations.

 

https://www.alliswade.com/ 

 

When my daughter started to recognise and understand her OEs they became easier to manage. 


  • kand, Lucinda, CadenceSophia and 2 others like this

#14 chocolate-chip chooky

chocolate-chip chooky

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 848 posts

Posted 20 April 2017 - 03:58 PM

Hi Lucinda  :seeya:



#15 CadenceSophia

CadenceSophia

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 790 posts

Posted 21 April 2017 - 12:39 AM

It doesn't seem weird to me that someone would cry at seeing a homeless person on the street or feel sad for days after hearing something tragic about a stranger or get so lost in a complicated train of thought that they ask a bizarre question out of nowhere or take a nearly physical pleasure out of a well-turned phrase.


Are we sure that isn't normal? How could it not be? Especially the bold but the rest of it too. People actually study this sort if thing? Maybe I need to read this book.

#16 Jackie

Jackie

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 2413 posts

Posted 21 April 2017 - 01:23 AM

I just started reading "Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults." My thoughts are still kind of chaotic, but one thing that's making me very uncomfortable is how poor a judge I apparently am of what's normal. (I was classed as gifted as a child.). For example. i fidget except when I consciously decide not to...jiggling my leg, popping my joints, "typing " words with my toes, "playing" flute scales with my toes. I always thought of this as a lovable quirk ;). It never occured to me that this was odd enough to have an actual term (psychomotor overexcitability). My oldest rarely sits when she does schoolwork, she usually hops from foot to foot while standing. I've never felt like that was a big deal. It doesn't seem weird to me that someone would cry at seeing a homeless person on the street or feel sad for days after hearing something tragic about a stranger or get so lost in a complicated train of thought that they ask a bizarre question out of nowhere or take a nearly physical pleasure out of a well-turned phrase.
I don't know whether to feel comforted or worried that my little weirdos are being raised by someone just as weird.


Both. DH and I have both passed on a lot of pieces to DD. We're weird. She's weird. We're all weird in different ways. But at least we all understand weird.
  • Pegs, chocolate-chip chooky and Spudater like this

#17 okbud

okbud

    Cylon lover

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11871 posts

Posted 21 April 2017 - 07:05 AM

Are we sure that isn't normal? How could it not be? Especially the bold but the rest of it too. People actually study this sort if thing? Maybe I need to read this book.



Yes. Passing sadness and even on-going concern... A run of the mill reaction. Regularly giving over entirely to the sadness and unfairness of a stranger's hard times... Something else is going on.
  • CadenceSophia likes this

#18 pinewarbler

pinewarbler

    Hive Mind Worker Bee

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 64 posts

Posted 21 April 2017 - 07:09 AM

 

 

When my daughter started to recognise and understand her OEs they became easier to manage. 

 

I think this is crucial... even when I run across someone who doesn't want to tell their kid that they are gifted (which was also my parents), I tell them that they really need to explain to the child about OE's. 

 

My life would have been much easier if this had been explained to me.. I had to wait to have gifted kids to figure out that they were actually some other people in the world who had it too!

 

I always knew that my brother and I had a super human ability to read people's emotions. I remember as a young kid my mom interviewing for staff for their business and my brother and I waiting in the hall for her. Every potential employee walked past. Afterwards my mom asked what we'd seen. We just knew which ones were hiding something and which one would be the a good employee.

 

For years my kids thought all adults could tell when they were hiding something, which was a great parenting tactic! However, I didn't know that I could work on turning the OE down/ filtering it... and I was in the wrong career -exposed to too many people a day. I spent years exhausted from living all of those emotions that people project.

 

I have most of the other OE's at a very high level too. Some days I wish I was neurotypical just so that I could sit down and truly relax. 

 

Now that I know, I can protect myself from long days with crowds, structure meetings so that I'm not sitting down the whole time (I instituted walking meetings) and meditate. Wish I could have started those strategies at 20!


  • okbud, Pegs, chocolate-chip chooky and 1 other like this

#19 Spudater

Spudater

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1905 posts

Posted 21 April 2017 - 07:47 AM

Are we sure that isn't normal? How could it not be? Especially the bold but the rest of it too. People actually study this sort if thing? Maybe I need to read this book.


Those were some examples given in the book. Maybe they meant not normal for children? Or maybe I read it wrong.
  • CadenceSophia likes this

#20 Spudater

Spudater

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 1905 posts

Posted 21 April 2017 - 07:55 AM


I think this is crucial... even when I run across someone who doesn't want to tell their kid that they are gifted (which was also my parents), I tell them that they really need to explain to the child about OE's.


My life would have been much easier if this had been explained to me.. I had to wait to have gifted kids to figure out that they were actually some other people in the world who had it too!


I always knew that my brother and I had a super human ability to read people's emotions. I remember as a young kid my mom interviewing for staff for their business and my brother and I waiting in the hall for her. Every potential employee walked past. Afterwards my mom asked what we'd seen. We just knew which ones were hiding something and which one would be the a good employee.


For years my kids thought all adults could tell when they were hiding something, which was a great parenting tactic! However, I didn't know that I could work on turning the OE down/ filtering it... and I was in the wrong career -exposed to too many people a day. I spent years exhausted from living all of those emotions that people project.


I have most of the other OE's at a very high level too. Some days I wish I was neurotypical just so that I could sit down and truly relax.


Now that I know, I can protect myself from long days with crowds, structure meetings so that I'm not sitting down the whole time (I instituted walking meetings) and meditate. Wish I could have started those strategies at 20!


Sometimes I wonder about myself with that. Sometimes I think I'm super tuned in to what other people are feeling (and exhausted by it) but then I never know what to say or do about what they're feeling so I wonder how perceptive I can really be. I kind of feel like a dog. It knows you're in pain and it feels it with you but it doesn't know why and the only thing it can do is stare at you and try to snuggle you.
  • Incognito and chocolate-chip chooky like this

#21 CadenceSophia

CadenceSophia

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 790 posts

Posted 21 April 2017 - 10:18 AM

Those were some examples given in the book. Maybe they meant not normal for children? Or maybe I read it wrong.


We'll I took the OE quiz mentioned above and I scored in the highest range for intellectual, emotional and sensual OE's lol. Maybe that explains it. I assumed the intellectual but the other two make quite a bit of sense really.
  • Pegs and Spudater like this

#22 Rach

Rach

    Amateur Bee Keeper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3893 posts

Posted 22 April 2017 - 10:39 AM

I was listening to DD3.5 interrogating the neighbor last night and it hit me hard. She's weird. And I was *exactly* like her as a kid. I must have been a lot weirder than I thought I was. This was kind of terrifying. Parenting this kid is going to make me unpack all my childhood drama. Yikes.

Our babysitter for many years is in her first year teaching. I commented on one of my kids being weird and she said, "All kids are weird, really weird, they are just weird in different ways."
  • Lawyer&Mom likes this

#23 maize

maize

    Maizgyver

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 18072 posts

Posted 23 April 2017 - 12:42 PM

I think of myself and family as quirky--and I think the world needs quirky people.
  • quark and Pegs like this

#24 Pegs

Pegs

    Hive Mind Queen Bee

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 938 posts

Posted 23 April 2017 - 06:24 PM

I'm the sole parent of an only child, and DS and I are both 2E with autism.

Yes, it can get a bit intense. :)

Quirky is our normal.
  • quark, maize, Lawyer&Mom and 2 others like this