Warning: Long, rambling, probably will delete.
So, S (age 8, 2nd grade DS) did the Kaufman Achievement test today because he said that he wanted to go to Epsilon Camp next summer. The woman who administered the test only had one slot available -- Friday at 11 am. S and I finish up school everyday by lunch, and we always do math first thing in the morning, so I was apprehensive about the time slot. It took over 2 hours to administer the test. The test administrator mentioned that he was pretty fried by the end, and that we should have split the test into two 1-hour sessions. Great. She also suggested that the test would likely be more accurate for him in a year or two.
She said that his full eval would take 2-3 weeks, but she gave me some preliminary numbers. They are all over the place, and I don't know what to make of them. But, it is pretty clear that he isn't going to get into Epsilon Camp with these test results (not that I even think that he belongs at Epsilon, but I wanted to honor his request to go by giving him the chance with the test). He told me afterward that the test was fun, and that he enjoyed it. So, he was totally fine after the test. Me, not so much. I am a mess.
The test covered things that he hasn't seen since he was 4/5 (e.g. money -- he didn't even remember what amount a nickel represented). The typical easy is hard, hard is easy type stuff that I have consistently seen with him. I don't know if it is underperformance, so much as selectively caring about performance, if that makes sense. He is just not competitive at all -- in academics, on the soccer field, etc. Everything is just a big social event to him. The testing lady even told me that he talked throughout all the timed sections of the test, to his detriment, as his fluency scores (the timed sections) were his lowest.
But, maybe it is my fault. I didn't know what the test would cover, so we just went into it cold. I didn't think that I should review topics from 1st and 2nd grade math when he is working on 4th grade math, ya know? But, maybe I should have. Not test prep per se, but just a review of topics that he hasn't seen in several years. I mean, I can do Calculus, but I wouldn't remember it cold without some review. And we don't really review in our homeschool. We use mastery-based currics, and perhaps I am seeing that this is not a good approach. Maybe he needs some review to perform at his best. I don't know.
I do know that I am not a teacher, and I am realizing how little I really know about teaching. I am starting to wonder 1) is he really gifted, or am I just a big impostor? 2) whether he would be better off in regular school, perhaps the GATE program would be enough of a challenge. I don't know. I am just down and frustrated, and am wondering if I am wasting my time homeschooling him. Maybe he just doesn't *need* it. Or, maybe he is just 8, and his mind started to wander during the lunch hour, and I should stop projecting my insecurities on to my child (who obviously doesn't give a crap about any of this). I mean on some things, he scored high school level, so my husband is having a hard time understanding how this is a homeschool-ending "failure," and yet, for some reason, I feel like it is.
Can anyone relate to any of this? Feel free to tell me that I am being ridiculous.
Edited by SeaConquest, 31 March 2017 - 11:55 PM.