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How do you find appropriate activities for a child who is developmentally delayed but also intellectually advanced? My son is bored to death in activities with his age group, but is MUCH less mature than them at the same time. I just never know what to do with him. I teach him on his level at home, but I really want him to have better experiences while out in the community. What can I do? And just how accommodating should I be? If he refuses to participate in his gym class because it's not engaging enough, do I try to find something different? Or do I try to let him learn how to cope with that boredom for awhile? He is on the autism spectrum, but he has a lot of behavior problems that I am just betting are related to his intelligence. We have dealt with countless professionals, and nobody ever seems to know what to do with him. 

Edited by mom of 2 boys
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Music?  Would a choir, orchestra, or band be a possibility?

Find a group of kids to do games with/you volunteer to run a PE time for families with kids his age (if you think you could make it engaging enough for him to participate well).

How old is he? 

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My kiddo who is similar (ASD2, very bright, 7.5) does relatively well with peers when there is a creative pursuit (art, music, etc). Honestly, he rarely thrives in a large group / class, even though he's very social. The truth is that he just doesn't really connect with most of his peers. His best friends are a 10 year old and a 6 yo who's just as crazy as my guy. They spend hours building legos, talking about battlebots, and sword fighting bubbles. And it works for them. I don't require him to do much "in his age group", with the exception of Sunday School at church and an occasional summer camp with totally inflexible age rules (that he was dying to attend...) As much as my kid wants to be around others constantly, he just does much better with his few close friends. He's been hurt a lot by other kids not wanting to play with him, not wanting to play his way, etc even when he tries to use his best social skills. He just sticks out in a group of peers, unfortunately.

 

One thing I do stress to him is that he is responsible for making his own fun (within whatever boundaries the occasion warrants), and that's not my job or anyone else's. If kids are doing art, and he's bored, that's *his* problem and I let him muddle through until he fixes the problem. It's different if kids are doing math and he's bored though, since it's harder to get creative and make up your own math, you know?

Edited by 4kookiekids
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I have a boy without much emotional or social maturity and very high academic intelligence. He has thrived in a serious choir. Just about everything else he has been pushed out of (usually politely). Something about learning theory, tone, diction keeps him engaged.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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For my son it wasn't so much about the activity as finding an instructor who could deal with him.   The exact same activity with two different instructors - one could be great, and the other awful.

 

We had good instructors for gymnastics when he was younger, now we have a really good TKD dojo.   We went there because I heard they were very good with "quirky" kids.  They actually run a class for those with special needs, which my son doesn't need but I think it makes them more sensitive in general.

 

My son also does best with things that he is highly interested in.  It's only been the past year that he was willing to put any time into something he wasn't excited about (as far as outside classes).  He took classes at our local university's G&T program and we had to be VERY careful about his classes.  We had to switch after the first class a few times.  Again, more of an instructor mis-match than anything.

 

As far as anything creative, he likes things that are more open-ended.  He has NEVER liked crafts that he had to do a certain way, he likes to add his own touch.

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Thanks, everyone! He is 5 1/2. He hasn't exactly expressed any interest in music. In fact, he used to complain whenever I would put any on. It's only recently that he is willing to listen to kids songs in the car, but he has told me that he likes classical music, so I'll try that instead. As far as art and gym, he hates them both (aside from swimming.) What he does like are science and engineering. I was able to find a science class geared towards his age group, but it was way below his level and he was behaving inappropriately. We tried one at the library that was a little bit more engaging, but even then, he was behaving like a two year old and disrupting the class. I'm tempted to try putting him in a much more challenging class (Lego robotics or something along those lines) just to see what happens, but I'm about 70% sure he's going to act like a toddler and have to leave. There was a kid at the playground last summer though - he was much older and had an electric scooter that my son was beyond fascinated with. Well, this kid was willing to let him look at it and he was willing to spend some time with my son, and he did get along much better with him, so it's probably worth a shot. 

 

 

 

 

Edited by mom of 2 boys
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Thanks, everyone! He is 5 1/2. He hasn't exactly expressed any interest in music. In fact, he used to complain whenever I would put any on. It's only recently that he is willing to listen to kids songs in the car, but he has told me that he likes classical music, so I'll try that instead. As far as art and gym, he hates them both (aside from swimming.) What he does like are science and engineering. I was able to find a science class geared towards his age group, but it was way below his level and he was behaving inappropriately. We tried one at the library that was a little bit more engaging, but even then, he was behaving like a two year old and disrupting the class. I'm tempted to try putting him in a much more challenging class (Lego robotics or something along those lines) just to see what happens, but I'm about 70% sure he's going to act like a toddler and have to leave. There was a kid at the playground last summer though - he was much older and had an electric scooter that my son was beyond fascinated with. Well, this kid was willing to let him look at it and he was willing to spend some time with my son, and he did get along much better with him, so it's probably worth a shot. 

 

I have not been able to get my kiddo into an older Lego robotics class, just fyi. Where I am, they're pretty strict on ages, regardless of intelligence. However, we've had a lot of luck getting him good legos and the machine ones (technic or something like that? not the mindstorm) and a book about machines he can build and letting him go to town. He spends hours doing them and is quite content. Are you specifically looking for more opportunities outside of the house, though? From what you've said, I'd be likely to put him in more swim classes and get science/engineering stuff for home (lego machines, snap circuits, k'nex, etc.) - because that's exactly what's worked for us. Has he had an SPD eval? Usually, those go right along with ASD diagonses, and might help explain some of what's going on (e.g., disliking all music might be explained by an auditory issue).

 

What is it you're looking for, exactly? Activities in general? Or activities outside of the house? Or activities with like-minded children? Or activities with any other children?

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I have not been able to get my kiddo into an older Lego robotics class, just fyi. Where I am, they're pretty strict on ages, regardless of intelligence. However, we've had a lot of luck getting him good legos and the machine ones (technic or something like that? not the mindstorm) and a book about machines he can build and letting him go to town. He spends hours doing them and is quite content. Are you specifically looking for more opportunities outside of the house, though? From what you've said, I'd be likely to put him in more swim classes and get science/engineering stuff for home (lego machines, snap circuits, k'nex, etc.) - because that's exactly what's worked for us. Has he had an SPD eval? Usually, those go right along with ASD diagonses, and might help explain some of what's going on (e.g., disliking all music might be explained by an auditory issue).

 

What is it you're looking for, exactly? Activities in general? Or activities outside of the house? Or activities with like-minded children? Or activities with any other children?

 

Yes, he does have SPD. They did not diagnose it in addition to autism though, they said it's lumped into the autism diagnosis now or something along those lines. Either way, he definitely has it and I'm sure it's further complicating things. I am mostly looking for activities with other children (anyone he can get along with, really.) Doing things outside of the house with just me is better than nothing, and I think he benefits from not being so cooped up, but I would really like to see him make a friend or two. We had him in a warm water and movement (sensory) class at one point in addition to swim lessons. Maybe I'll add that one back in again. He really ignores the other kids while swimming though, so it wouldn't really help with socializing. We're trying therapeutic horseback riding soon, but it's a 1:1 lesson,so again it wouldn't really be a social activity. I'm curious to see how that goes though, if he likes it, maybe I can look into 4H or something. 

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What about some sort of recreational swim experience vs some sort of class or lesson.  It's getting ready to be summer, kids out of school, maybe there is some sort of weekly "swim camp" or regular open swim at like the Y or something similar, where instead of lessons or an instructor, you just have a bunch of kids in the water playing.  Is there any sort of kids water park nearby?  Not like some giant water theme park, but like splash pad or those kids pools where they have all the sprays and jets and such.

 

 

Yes, we can do that at the Y, and it's probably a good idea. They have water slides and sprayer things there. We don't really have a lot of outdoor pools around here though. 

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Thanks, everyone! He is 5 1/2. He hasn't exactly expressed any interest in music. In fact, he used to complain whenever I would put any on. It's only recently that he is willing to listen to kids songs in the car, but he has told me that he likes classical music, so I'll try that instead. As far as art and gym, he hates them both (aside from swimming.) What he does like are science and engineering. I was able to find a science class geared towards his age group, but it was way below his level and he was behaving inappropriately. We tried one at the library that was a little bit more engaging, but even then, he was behaving like a two year old and disrupting the class. I'm tempted to try putting him in a much more challenging class (Lego robotics or something along those lines) just to see what happens, but I'm about 70% sure he's going to act like a toddler and have to leave. There was a kid at the playground last summer though - he was much older and had an electric scooter that my son was beyond fascinated with. Well, this kid was willing to let him look at it and he was willing to spend some time with my son, and he did get along much better with him, so it's probably worth a shot. 

 

So much of this is my boy. Hugs. 

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