arrrrggggghhhhh thunk thunk thunk

[gardenmom5]

dh inherited his grandmother's china and crystal. . . . both things his sister *really* wanted. . . . .  I don't really care.  they're about 100 years old.  (seriously)  and . . . we don't use it.  I have my own, and my plates are bigger and can go in the dishwasher.

 

anyway - she just dropped by, very pleased with herself because she brought a bunch (3 kinds, 6 total) of *similar* crystal. :scared:   one  is close, but probably too tall.  I wish she hadn't.   :banghead:   really - now I have to do something with them.  (even if it's just to ship them off to goodwill - where they came from.   or throw them against a well for the joy of hearing them shatter.  then I have to clean up the pieces of broken crystal.)

 

to add irritation to frustration - she announced how much i "owed" her for these six pieces.   I am willing to pay her for the one that "might" go with the set - but she refused to take the other's back.  she bought them at goodwill - and yes they DO take returns!  if she hadn't told me how much I owed her (not much, $6 - which I'm willing to pay, but I only have $20s.)  i would have just kept my mouth shut.

 

I also want to stop her from doing this again. :glare:

 

and . . . I was having a very in depth personal conversation with my son when she came by, so that put an end to that.  :tongue_smilie:  he doesn't live here, so, he went back to where he lives.

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

"I'm so sorry that you went to such trouble without checking with me first.  I do not need these pieces.  If you won't take them back for a refund, then I will donate them."  But I'm to the point where I just don't play games. 

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I would just give her grandmother's stuff, maybe keep one nice one as a memento.

[hjffkj]

"thank you for thinking of me but I do not need any of those pieces. If I were you I'd return them to Goodwill for a refund or keep them for your own collection."

 

I do not tolerate people buying me stuff that they expect me to pay them back for without them asking prior to the purchase. It doesn't matter that it is just $6.

[Katy]

"I'm so sorry that you went to such trouble without checking with me first.  I do not need these pieces.  If you won't take them back for a refund, then I will donate them."  But I'm to the point where I just don't play games. 

 

This, with the addition of, "And I will not pay you for something I never told you I wanted in the first place.  Next time assume the answer is I don't want it unless you ask first."

 

Then I would secretly wonder if she's been collecting this junk for years with the hope of inheriting it and only brought it to you to try and force you to offer the entire set to her.  Which I would do, because I wouldn't get rid of china I loved for something I didn't want just because it was inherited.  Whether DH would agree or not would be another thing entirely.

[Plink]

Just give her the entire set, including the "new" pieces and be done with the entire thing. 

[Matryoshka]

Just give her the entire set, including the "new" pieces and be done with the entire thing.

This. If you don't want the stuff and she does, why not give it to her?

[Word Nerd]

This. If you don't want the stuff and she does, why not give it to her?

 

For one thing, it isn't the OP's. 

[gardenmom5]

this is MY HUSBAND's grandmother's stuff.  his mother gave it to him.  HE wants it.    he has the right to have it, especially as it was given to him.

 

I didn't handle it as well as I could have had I not been so surprised by it. (and put out by her timing.  normally I don't mind people dropping by - but due to her arrival, ds - with whom I'd been having a very good, private, conversation - left.) 

pity dh wasn't home to foist off on to him . . . .   I do think she got the message to not buy stuff for me . . .

 

 

eta: lest anyone think he wants this just becasue she does - he wants it because of the meaning it has for him.  there was another piece of artwork his mother gave him - that somehow his sister ended up with.  even though he wanted it (and I liked it), it wasn't worth the upset to the relationship to him to insist on getting the piece back.  even though his mother was rather put-out that sil had it and not dh.

oh - it was hanging on the wall in our house and sil kept insisting it was supposed to have gone to her, so dh just gave it to her.  (i was rather miffed about that one.)  she has a number of other family items, so it's not like she didn't receive an equitable portion.

Edited March 29, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Matryoshka]

this is MY HUSBAND's grandmother's stuff.  his mother gave it to him.  HE wants it.    he has the right to have it, especially as it was given to him.

 

dh inherited his grandmother's china and crystal. . . . both things his sister *really* wanted. . . . .  I don't really care.  they're about 100 years old.  (seriously)  and . . . we don't use it.  I have my own, and my plates are bigger and can go in the dishwasher.

 

anyway - she just dropped by, very pleased with herself because she brought a bunch (3 kinds, 6 total) of *similar* crystal. :scared:   one  is close, but probably too tall.  I wish she hadn't.   :banghead:   really - now I have to do something with them.  (even if it's just to ship them off to goodwill - where they came from.   or throw them against a well for the joy of hearing them shatter.  then I have to clean up the pieces of broken crystal.)

 

Sorry, you were quite adamant that you didn't (and wouldn't) ever use it, and I got the impression from the latter bit that you're having storage issues with it, since there doesn't appear to be any space to put the stuff she brought. I rather got the impression you were annoyed having the stuff in the house (grandma's, not just the new crystal).  

 

Why does your dh want it if you're never going to use it? There's got to be a family dynamic going on that has nothing to do with china and crystal.  

 

Personally, if he has an emotional attachment to the china but never intends to use the stuff and she would, I'd be tempted to have him keep a plate and hang it on a wall for the memories, then tell sister that he'd always loved that painting she has and would she be willing to swap it for the china set...  

[Spryte]

this is MY HUSBAND's grandmother's stuff.  his mother gave it to him.  HE wants it.    he has the right to have it, especially as it was given to him.

 

I didn't handle it as well as I could have had I not been so surprised by it. (and put out by her timing.  normally I don't mind people dropping by - but due to her arrival, ds - with whom I'd been having a very good, private, conversation - left.) 

pity dh wasn't home to foist off on to him . . . .   I do think she got the message to not buy stuff for me . . .

 

 

eta: lest anyone think he wants this just becasue she does - he wants it because of the meaning it has for him.  there was another piece of artwork his mother gave him - that somehow his sister ended up with.  even though he wanted it (and I liked it), it wasn't worth the upset to the relationship to him to insist on getting the piece back.  even though his mother was rather put-out that sil had it and not dh.

oh - it was hanging on the wall in our house and sil kept insisting it was supposed to have gone to her, so dh just gave it to her.  (i was rather miffed about that one.)  she has a number of other family items, so it's not like she didn't receive an equitable portion.

 

That's understandable.  

 

I hope you and your DS can rekindle that good conversation.  Those are more valuable than any china!  Or crystal.  :)

[gardenmom5]

Sorry, you were quite adamant that you didn't (and wouldn't) ever use it, and I got the impression from the latter bit that you're having storage issues with it, since there doesn't appear to be any space to put the stuff she brought. I rather got the impression you were annoyed having the stuff in the house (grandma's, not just the new crystal).  

 

Why does your dh want it if you're never going to use it? There's got to be a family dynamic going on that has nothing to do with china and crystal.  

 

Personally, if he has an emotional attachment to the china but never intends to use the stuff and she would, I'd be tempted to have him keep a plate and hang it on a wall for the memories, then tell sister that he'd always loved that painting she has and would she be willing to swap it for the china set...  

 

I don't want crystal that doesn't go with his grandmother's crystal.  (one does, sort of.)   the rest do not belong to the crystal pattern.  no - I don't' want to store something that doesn't belong because I won't ever use it.  I offered back the pieces she brought - she doesn't want them.  and was offended I didn't want them because they don't go with the pattern.

 

dh has a thing about sentimental items that goes back before we met. it is all about his attitude towards sentiment.  it has nothing to do with anyone else in his family.  besides, he says he thinks we'll use them one day.  

 

his sister is less likely to actually ever use it, (for reasons I won't go into) - she just wants possession for possession's sake.  (again, for reasons I won't go into.)

none of those reasons are 'family' dynamics, and are all about the particular person that has nothing to do with any other member of the family.

Edited March 30, 2017 by gardenmom5

[gardenmom5]

That's understandable.  

 

I hope you and your DS can rekindle that good conversation.  Those are more valuable than any china!  Or crystal.   :)

 

we will.  we have a great relationship. :D

[Guest]

Ugh.

 

[JFSinIL]

Let hubby pick out one setting of the stuff, then tell him his sister gets the rest. If he complains, HE can find a place to keep it in the basement or garage or closet.

[Anne in CA]

I am sorry. That sounds yucky. She is baiting you, given the issue with the picture. I have no sympathy for that stuff.

[gardenmom5]

I am sorry. That sounds yucky. She is baiting you, given the issue with the picture. I have no sympathy for that stuff.

 

she's not baiting - she thinks she's being helpful and that what is important to her is important to everyone else.  she's reaching for what she thinks is her life raft that will keep her afloat. I suggested she take the not-the-pattern back to goodwill, and she left in a huff.  exclaiming she won't trouble us with trying to be helpful anymore.  .. . .  (is that a promise?)  she might stay upset for a couple/few weeks but it won't last.  and I'm sorry she's upset. 

 

 

there have been events in her life that have had a toll on her personality.   

[Guest]

Let hubby pick out one setting of the stuff, then tell him his sister gets the rest. If he complains, HE can find a place to keep it in the basement or garage or closet.

Good in theory.  :0). 

 

Don't get me started.  LOL

[SparklyUnicorn]

oh gawd...this would not amuse me either

 

We have a cabinet with gee probably 100 fancy (booze type) glasses.  You know how often we've used them in 16 years?  I think once when my in-laws visited. 

 

 

[marbel]

Let hubby pick out one setting of the stuff, then tell him his sister gets the rest. If he complains, HE can find a place to keep it in the basement or garage or closet.

 

It's his stuff.  She doesn't get to "let" him do anything with his own stuff.   

 

I understand the problem of keeping inherited stuff that isn't useful and not particularly wanted.  (I don't get the stuff about the SIL.)  We have a lot of stuff that my husband won't get rid of.  I don't get the attraction for keeping it, and I'd like it out, but... it's his.  I don't get to decide what he should do with his stuff.

 

(We do joke about the dumpster that's going to show up at the house the day after his funeral.  Easy joke to make with someone who is relatively young and quite healthy.)